Okay, I'm done making promises. Just, really I'm done, because looks like I'll just end up breaking them eventually anyway. A little point, in order to accommodate Kaori's professional astronomy aspirations a bit better, I've jumped this story up two years further into the future. Nothing much is changed apart from dates and ages, and I added a little more detail to her explanation about her career to Sakaki in Chapter 3. But that's about it. However I don't want to make the people here any older than they already are (29 at the moment), so I had to make Kaori a bit of a genius in her field to cut corners a bit. So just put that down to creative license.
Anyway, a fairly quick update this time, but one I enjoyed writing a great deal. I love doing internal thoughts, so this should go some ways to bring more depth to our characters. Hope you'll enjoy reading as much I liked writing.
At 6:17 pm, a passing business man buys some Sauerkraut from a street vendor.
– O –
Sakaki didn't know what to do. Everything seemed to be spiralling wildly out of control. Somehow things had taken a turn she was not expecting in almost a few flicks of a wrist. She had had a small inkling that Kagura might not be entirely pleased with Kaori's presence, as indicated by what she said previously in the park during their tête-à-tête, but she had been reasonably assured that her older friend (well, in terms of spending time with her) would be able to not pay any attention to any possible ill feelings she might for some reason have had towards her newly acquired friend, and come to realise how good a person Kaori really was, the way Sakaki herself had. After all, Sakaki was a base-optimist, so she had no reason to doubt that Kagura would not get along with Kaori and also find her to be a fairly charming person.
But now the bewildering sequence of events had come to dictate differently and Sakaki could hardly believe how one of her closest of friends could have behaved so violently towards somebody whom Sakaki had come to think of as being actually very sweet and kind... the type of person with whom you could spend quality time with, talking of things and sharing problems or worries with, and always find a sympathetic listener who'd care, and who'd try to make you feel better at the same time. Really, just such a person Sakaki had been missing from her life ever since Chiyo left.
But then again, Sakaki had to acknowledge that she still didn't know Kaori all that well. She had arrived at her own conclusions of her based on the small amount of time that they had had the chance to really get to know each other and thus far the impressions had been favourable. But... there was always the lingering thought in her head that she still didn't know her all that well past essentially first impressions. Kagura, on the other hand, she already knew pretty well. And Sakaki knew that Kagura was also a good person... the type of woman who'd go out of her way to help you if you needed it, and who'd always cheer you up when you were feeling down with that boundless positive energy and good will. Kagura was the kind of person who didn't like to beat around the bushes, but went straight to the heart of the matter and was sometimes right too... not always Sakaki had to admit, but at least 70 percent of the time, which is still a better average than under 50.
Looking at it objectively, Sakaki had to also acknowledge that it had been Kaori who had really escalated the entire situation to a breaking point that way... but then again she couldn't be sure if it had been fuelled by Kagura's actions somehow over the course of the day. Kagura could be forceful in her opinions and Sakaki knew she wasn't one to change them on the fly, while subtlety wasn't really one of her key traits, so it was entirely possible that Kagura had been trying to set a spark off in a canister of fuel. Yet she knew Kagura was not that kind of person to be that antagonistic towards anybody outside of her sporting track. It didn't make sense. Then again, could Kagura have known, or noticed, something bad in Kaori to have made her want to cause just such an explosion to occur and possibly expose Kaori?
But that couldn't be right either. Not in Sakaki's perception anyway. The few moments she had spent with Kaori over the past couple of days, and most specifically, the time they had talked in the temple garden, Kaori had been nothing but kind, polite, sweet and, most important of all, honest. Sakaki could see it reflected in her eyes clear as day that Kaori had meant everything she had said to her before and today. Those were not the eyes of a dishonest person... if anything, those had been the eyes of a sad person, a person who tried to hide that sadness behind a veil of smiles and amicability. But still that sadness couldn't disappear entirely and it made Sakaki feel all the more worried for her. Sakaki wasn't one to poke into other people's lives, but she was finding herself increasingly interested in finding out where this source of sadness and melancholy was stemming from so that she might somehow rectify the situation. Certainly if it was true what Kaori had told her earlier, that she had always felt like the outsider, the "unloved" one... the one who never seemed to fit in anywhere... and certainly Kagura herself had confirmed this very idea only a short while ago... then it would seem so unfair that Kaori should go on feeling like that for the rest of her life. It just didn't seem right. And Sakaki certainly had first hand experience in how bad those feeling felt.
True, Sakaki didn't know Kaori too well, but she could see the gentleness and kindness in her to bring about the desire to make Kaori her friend even more than before. Kaori didn't deserve to be shunned and feel abandoned because of some stupid misunderstanding of her character or something. Not to mention Sakaki was again beginning to feel incredibly guilty over what had happened. She herself had brought Kaori into this situation and, even if it was certainly not her intention to make Kaori end up feeling and looking so despondent and hurt as she had when she said her quick farewells and walked off, Sakaki felt that she was deeply responsible for the well-being of her new friend. And she could never forgive herself if she did not try to do something to make things better.
It only took mere seconds for her to go through all of these thoughts and reach this final conclusion as she sprinted after the departed girl in hopes of intercepting her and pleading for her to stay.
Yomi was equally shocked at what had just taken place. She was used to having fights with Tomo, but it was not a regular occurrence for her other friends to end up in these kinds of things. And now Kaori had obviously been emotionally badly hurt by what had happened, and even if Yomi wasn't entirely sure what had happened, and what sparked this incident, she couldn't deny that there had been a certain tension between both Kagura and Kaori the whole day long. Out of the entire group assembled here today, Yomi was probably the one who knew her the best, considering how they had went to the same university and ended up spending a lot of time together as a consequence... not to mention Yomi was probably the only member of this little group to whom she had confided her thoughts on Sakaki to. Yomi did know Kaori had a temper that could at times flare out rather thunderously amid her neurotic storms, but she also knew Kaori to be a generally very emphatic person, so whatever had just taken place was not something that was likely to have happened without provocation. Of that Yomi was certain.
Upon seeing Sakaki suddenly leaving her side and running after Kaori, Yomi decided that now would perhaps not be the best occasion to leave Kaori alone with Sakaki, and quickly followed Sakaki's trail, leaving the three remaining women standing in the room, staring behind the departed personages.
Seeing as the situation had disarmed itself on its own, Tomo also let go of Kagura and sat down to finish her steak. Kagura was left standing in here place a bit perturbed for a while longer, contemplating on what had just taken place, but likewise soon decided to sit down... though she didn't exactly look as complacent as she probably should have in her own mind. After all, she had pretty much managed to accomplish getting Kaori out of the picture, but it still left her dissatisfied, mostly regarding that at the same time she had apparently managed to sharply split the group in two, with Sakaki and Yomi going after the intruding woman, and she was left with Tomo and, at least for the time being, Osaka... But at the same time Kagura also felt a slight tinge of sadness for having apparently been the means to cut her beloved group in half like that, something which had not been the intention. And maybe there was even a slight feeling of guilt mixed in there towards the way she had been treating Kaori, but this she summarily dismissed as something that the "freeloader Kaorin" had no business in making her feel... or at least that is what she told herself.
But still, the look in her eyes had been so... sad? Or was that guilt? Certainly Kagura disliked Kaori... but then why would she feel even slightly bad about making Kaori feel bad? If she was guilty of the things Kagura said she was, then why should Kagura feel bad towards somebody obviously not worth the bother? Was it just because Sakaki and Yomi, the two most sensible people in her group in her eyes, and also the ones she perhaps respected the most in terms of people she herself would turn to in times of need, apparently thought otherwise... or was there something else to it?
"No way is there anything else to it!" Kagura exclaimed and struck her fist on the table.
This snapped Tomo from her meal, as she looked up to Kagura and asked, "What is?"
"...Nothing," Kagura just mumbled and fell back to silence as Tomo just shrugged and turned her attention back to her food.
By this time Osaka had also sat down and was now pondering her own thoughts. She hated confrontations, even if Yomi and Tomo were always at it. But she just figured those two liked doing those things, so it probably made sense for them to fight all the time, but then when it came to other people it was always somehow more devastating and that often resulted in people being hurt and sorrowful, like in an earthquake, which seemed like an apt metaphor, though it was good that the buildings were usually spared in those circumstances and that not a lot of other people got hurt, because it would be pretty sad that whenever people fought that even her own home might be destroyed and then the firefighters and help aid people would have to come and take care of her and she would probably have to move to some hostel for the time being and that would be when the axe murderer would start making annoying phone calls to her, because that seemed to be what they always did before they came to bust down the door with their axes and they'd never even apologise for the inconvenience that they caused since you would then no longer have a door...
Tomo enjoyed her 32oz. Porterhouse "Jumbo" Cut. It was probably the best steak she had ever had.
– O –
On the other side of the doors, Kaori had already made it half way through the room and was advancing towards the exit when she was suddenly halted in her procession by a breathless "Kaori!"
Turning around, she was surprised to see Sakaki quickly coming towards her.
"Wait, Kaori," she said as she made her way towards the defeated girl.
"What is it Sakaki-san? I promise you, I'm going. I won't bother you guys again, so don't worry," Kaori said dispassionately as she turned around again continue on her way.
However, Sakaki was quick to grab her on the shoulder and said, "No, wait. I don't want you to go."
Stopped once more, Kaori turned back to face Sakaki, "What? You don't?"
"No, I don't. Look, I don't know what exactly just happened in there, but whatever it was I'm sorry," Sakaki said.
"You're... You're sorry?" Kaori asked a bit puzzled.
"Yes. I'm sorry if because of me you ended up getting hurt," Sakaki said back.
"B-Because of you...?" Kaori asked once more.
"Mmm, believe me. I had no intention of that happening," Sakaki replied.
"So... really what you're saying is that... you just want to clear your own conscience of blame?" Kaori asked, her heart sinking even further on thinking that Sakaki really was only concerned that she herself was off the hook.
Sakaki, on the other hand, was horrified at being so misunderstood, "No, Kaori, that's not what I meant at all..."
"It's all right, Sakaki-san. That wasn't your fault. It was entirely mine for thinking that I could somehow fit in with your friends. But guess that was just stupid of me, so you don't have to pretend anymore either. I'll just go..." Kaori said again.
"No Kaori, you got it all wrong!" Sakaki anxiously yelled, trying to put more emphasis on her words, and at the same time managed to get the attention of a couple of other people dining in adjoining tables.
Yomi had stayed behind Sakaki's back all this time, trying to see where this conversation might go without wanting to interfere, but upon seeing that the danger for a scene was now more than likely, she quickly jumped up to the other two women. "Ehehe... Excuse us," she said embarrassed to the other on-lookers, and quickly ushered the two women out of their sight and into the nearby restroom. "In there, both of you," after which she followed behind and closed the door.
"Now, let us all calm down here for a moment, and let's not try to make a scene in this very expensive restaurant, all right?" Yomi began.
"I wasn't making a scene. I was just leaving," Kaori said in even tones.
"No, you're not going anywhere. At least not before we talk this over," Yomi said back.
"Yes, Kaori. Indeed, I wasn't trying to imply that it was somehow my fault..." Sakaki said, and after seeing the rather disparaging look on Kaori's face, quickly continued, "Or... or that it was your fault! Or you know, wasn't your fault. I think this is a generally faultless situation all way round... or as far as fault goes, it's probably not that much any one's fault... or... or..."
"Sakaki, I think it would be a good thing if you'd be quiet for a moment there," Yomi said mediatorily, making Sakaki blush and fall silent. "Now, Kaori. Let's just talk this over. This whole situation probably looks worse than it really is. And I'm certain we can all just reach a satisfactory conclusion that will please us all equally."
"That so?" Kaori asked.
"Yeah. I'm sure of it. So towards that end, let's just talk about it and try to figure out how this whole thing really even got started. What exactly happened back there with Kagura?"
"What happened? I think it's pretty obvious what happened. Kagura was behaving like a bitch... all day long. And I for one don't need to take that kind of behaviour from anybody. I don't see what else there is in the situation," Kaori said snidely.
"Well.... Bitch is a bit of a... harsh word..." Yomi stretched.
"Well, Kagura had no problem calling me a bitch, so I don't see the difference in me calling her a bitch," Kaori loaded.
"Yeah, I guess... but what if we just... forget the bitch for a while..." Yomi said.
"I'd love to," Kaori quickly interjected.
"...and try to focus on the reasons that lead to this," Yomi finished her proposition.
"Do we have to? I mean, I'd love to play Logic with you guys here in the bathroom, but what're you hoping to accomplish?" Kaori said rather vexated.
"Come on, Kaori. We just want to clear up the air here. Kagura's our friend, but so are you. And we hate seeing either of you out of sorts. We just want everything to be good again, that's all," Yomi said.
"Really now...?" Kaori voiced a bit suspiciously.
"Mmm. I would really feel bad for both of you if things were left unresolved like this. We are just looking after you two. After all that is what friends do, and you indeed are our friend," Sakaki added.
"Indeed. You're probably just feeling a bit bad right now, and hurt... and nervous, but we're here to help you. You have to believe in that. Besides, you know we're sensible women. I mean you, me and Sakaki. We're not like Tomo, Osaka and Kagura... who by the way are all alone in the private room of an expensive restaurant right now!" Yomi said in horror and tried to quickly get out of the bathroom only to be stopped by Sakaki's arm.
"No, Yomi. Let's first take care of Kaori, and then deal with Kagura," Sakaki calmly said.
"I have to go, Sakaki. I have to go," Yomi struggled.
"No. This is more important now. We need to talk to Kaori first," Sakaki reasoned.
"But you don't understand! They're all alone there... unsupervised! What if the Bonkuraazu do something... you know, bonkura things?" Yomi said desperately.
"I'm sure they'll behave. Please relax, Yomi. We'll get to them soon enough, but let's try to keep focus on here for a moment, okay?" Sakaki coaxed.
Seeing as Sakaki was not about to let her go, Yomi decided to give in, "Fine. But if we get banned because of them, then I'm blaming you."
"If we're going to talk, shouldn't we still need to get Kagura in here as well?" Kaori suddenly piped in behind the other two.
"Kagura?" Sakaki and Yomi said in synch. "Mmmm... That probably wouldn't be such a great idea at this moment," Yomi drawled and earned a nod from Sakaki.
"Let's just figure stuff out on our own first before putting you two together, and talk to her later," Sakaki determined.
"Okay. Guess there's no way out of this," Kaori agreed with a sigh.
– O –
Knock knock knock...
Kagura was frustrated. She was now inherently officially left alone with a space case and somebody more interested in her food, instead of the people who would have been more interested in her personal problems. Not that she didn't like Tomo or Osaka, but they really weren't the people in this circumstance she would have preferred to be there.
Knock knock... knock
It was just like that Kaorin to do this sort of thing... indeed the thing Kagura herself had been convinced of since the start. Dividing her closely bonded group of friends into parts. It didn't really bother her that she had essentially been the catalyst for this to have taken place, but as she reasoned to herself it was going to happen anyway inevitably. It was only that she wished that the others... the sensible half... would have seen this also. But no. They had, instead of staying back looking after their closer friend, went after the disturbance... the one rather forgotten. It just wasn't fair.
Knock... knockknockknock... knock
You know what else wasn't fair? That that stupid freeloader was now making Kagura herself feel bad too!
Knock... knock... knock knock knock...
"Will you stop that!" Tomo suddenly snapped up and yelled.
"What?" Kagura asked bored.
"That incessant knocking! It's really irritating," Tomo responded.
"I like doing it. It calms my nerves," Kagura said.
Knock knock...
"Well, it's not. I can't take it much longer, so just stop it," Tomo irately said.
"Wait... Are you saying that you... I mean you, Tomo Takino, are getting irritated?" Kagura asked flabbergasted.
"Yeah, what about it?" Tomo asked.
"Nothing..." Kagura said, while internally adding, "But I bet Yomi would pay anything to know this."
"What's with you anyway? You've been all jumpy and moody the whole day," Tomo continued.
"What do you mean 'what's with me'? isn't that obvious by now?" Kagura asked.
"Oh, the whole Kaorin getting more attention from Sakaki thing, right?" Tomo leered.
"It's got nothing to do with that. More than anything it's her entire presence here that's my problem. She shouldn't have pushed herself among us like some best friend of Sakaki's or something, and then using every opportunity to grab attention to herself. It's a matter of principle," Kagura said.
"Ah... Jealous much?" Tomo smirked.
Kagura sighed deeply before answering, "Let me make this simple for you, Takino. So that even you understand. I do not love Sakaki like that. She's just a good friend. A friend. And me jealous of Kaorin? Hardly. I mean even if I had feelings for Sakaki, Kaorin wouldn't even be a blip on the screen. Jealous, yeah right."
"Yet you're the one getting all bent out of shape just because she happened to tag along with us today."
"…"
"Hit a nerve there, didn't I? If Kaorin matters to you so very little, then why don't you just ignore her? After all, it's not like it's really all that difficult. She's hard to notice at the best of times. Besides, nobody else here is bothered that she came along. Only you. So why is that exactly?"
"Why you ask... You know, I don't know whether to be concerned or not in that you're actually seeming to make sense and at the same making me almost buy it."
"Hey, it's not like I'm stupid or anything," Tomo defended and ignoring Kagura's eyeroll, continued, "But seriously. Why does Kaorin bother you so? I mean, if we buy it that it's not Sakaki related somehow, then what? You're not falling for Kaorin then are you?"
"No! The whole idea of that is just disgusting."
"Ooo, but now that would be an interesting turn of events," Osaka suddenly decided to offer her five yen.
"Osaka, please don't give Tomo more ammo. She's insufferable as she is," Kagura said back disparagingly.
"But incredibly sexy!" Tomo proudly motioned.
"Right..." Kagura sighed and rolled her eyes.
"But it would still be very interesting. Like in one of 'em romance novels. You know, you going after Kaorin but finding it really hard and difficult to express your emotions. And then Kaorin thinking that you hate her, so she stays away and you'll feel worse because you love her so much, but don't know how to tell her, and then, of course, her liking Sa... ahm... that is... uhm..." Osaka slipped again, but luckily caught herself in time.
"What Osaka? Look, we already know she likes salmon, but that really has nothing to do with the discussion at hand and... wait, am I actually trying to reason with Osaka's thought processes? Anyway, the point is it is an utterly absurd suggestion that I'd find Kaorin even remotely interesting or, God forbid, attractive," Kagura said conclusively.
"You sure about that? You could be in serious denial... or incredibly shy," Tomo suggested.
"Oh, be quiet... and what the heck am I even doing talking about this sort of stuff with you? And since when have I even said I'd necessarily have to go for girls to begin with?" Kagura loaded.
"Well, didn't you once say girls are preferable to you because that made it more exciting?"
"GAH! Guys, girls... what's the difference?!"
"Oh, yeah, I forgot that you like to dip into many ponds."
"How does Yomi stand you?! Seriously!" Kagura screeched.
"Oh, she wouldn't be able to get along without me," Tomo proudly stated.
"Allow me to doubt the truthfulness of that... But regardless, you're just full of hot air, Tomo. I'm not in 'love' with Sakaki, or Kaorin, or that one cute waiter guy who's been serving us tonight, so you can just drop the insinuations like I've already told you for who knows how many times," Kagura said.
"Well, have it your way. But let me just tell you that you can deny it all you want. I can still see the glint in your eye..." Tomo taunted.
"You and your glints..." Kagura muttered.
After quieting down for a short while, Tomo suddenly had a brainstorm. "Hey, I have an idea! Let's play a game," Tomo thought up.
"What? A game? What game?" Kagura asked.
"Only a game that'll help you clarify things for yourself, Kagura," Tomo explained.
"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" Kagura asked arching an eyebrow.
"Play and you'll find out," Tomo cryptically smiled.
"This doesn't sound very promising, but what the hell. I'll play ball... So what's the game?" Kagura enquired.
"You'll see..." Tomo answered with a devious smile.
– O –
"This is pointless," Kaori said exasperated.
"No, no it's not. Can't you really think of any reason why Kagura'd hate you? Any specific incident, or whether you'd said anything that made her dislike you?" Yomi pushed.
"No, I already told you. I can't think of any real reasons. She just hates me, that's all. I can't really just jump into her head and tell you why she feels that way," Kaori said.
"Okay, okay... let's try something different then. Instead of trying to figure out Kagura, let's instead try to figure out why is it that you don't get along with Kagura," Yomi said as she paced in the small restroom space.
"I don't really know," Kaori bluntly answered.
"Surely you must have an idea about your own thoughts? After all you can't just not like somebody without reason," Yomi said, feeling like she was wading in a swamp where progress was painfully slow and never-ending.
"What do you want me to say? Bad chemistry? Look, it's not as if me and Kagura were like close friends even back then all those years ago. I really don't know her that well at all," Kaori shrugged.
"All right, all right... Let's... let's think this through logically. Just take a moment, dissect what you think about her into pieces, and go from there," Yomi stated.
Kaori sighed deeply, but decided to humour Yomi, "Okay, Yomi... If you insist. What do I think of Kagura... well, she's brash... very brash in fact. Maybe not as openly irritating as Tomo..."
"That's for sure," Yomi mumbled.
"She loves to show off... and to brag with her accomplishments. She's very competitive, and apparently loves to be in the spotlight a lot... She's pushy... always pushing herself into other people's personal space... whether they want her to or not. And rarely ever does she take no for an answer in my experience... Like she's always challenging Sakaki-san to do things that she may not really want to do..."
"Oh, but I don't really mind," Sakaki quickly defended.
"Yes you do. I can see you do. Or did you honestly want to race with her all those times today? At the park... and the temple?" Kaori asked.
"Well... ummm..." Sakaki faltered.
"See?" Kaori said nodding.
"But really, it was no big deal. It didn't bother me that much at all," Sakaki still said.
"But don't you see, that's just the whole thing. Kagura just likes to override everybody else's opinions as long as she just gets her way. And she doesn't even bother to stop and ask and see whether it would just be best to take a step back every once in a while. She... she has no subtlety, whatsoever. No sense of taking other people into account, and not just herself... It's just so selfish behaviour. She's just the type of person who goes forward, but never bothers to look behind her for any possible damage she may have inflicted. And it's just that kind of reckless and selfish behaviour that is just so infuriating!" Kaori charged, getting more impassioned.
"Ah, but Kagura really isn't that bad," Sakaki said. "She can be a little exuberant, yes, but she really does have her heart in the right place and I know that she cares deeply for all of us..."
"Except me, of course," Kaori bitterly added.
Sakaki didn't know what to say to that. She was absolutely positive that Kagura truly was a good and kind person inside and out, and who'd go out of her way to help other people... but that was just it. As much as Sakaki wanted to deny it, Kaori did unfortunately have a point. Kagura's behaviour toward Kaori had been just so completely un-Kagura like that Sakaki didn't know what it was all about, or what could Kaori have done to bring out this kind of outright hostility. And it was this that bothered Sakaki the most. She treasured Kagura as one of the most important people in her life, but over the short time she had come to know Kaori, the weaker girl had also shown how she could essentially become a very important person in her life. And Sakaki didn't want to loose this opportunity that was handed to her on a silver platter. Sakaki was certain that Kaori was truly a very decent person, and one that could offer her something unique none of her other friends could give.
But this whole situation was just so difficult. She didn't want to pit Kaori and Kagura against each other, and jeopardise either of their friendships, but if it came down to that, Sakaki didn't know what she should have or could have done to reach a compromise and not lose one or the other in the bargain. And then, of course, there was still that guilt. That terrible, awful, incessant feeling of guilt... the guilt of inadvertently having been the source why Kaori had ended up being hurt the way she had. "If only I hadn't invited her along... or maybe just looked after her better... maybe she would have been spared. Have I truly not learned anything about not ignoring other people's needs..?"
Kaori waited for a while for Sakaki to make a rebuttal, but as one didn't seem to be forthcoming, she continued more generally, "Look, I appreciate both of your concern, but are me and Kagura ever going to get along? Are we ever going to be able to share the same space as the other? I'm sorry, but I just don't see that as being possible. So... maybe it's just best if I went away and continued my life where I left off, and leave you to enjoy yours'."
"Come on, Kaori. You don't need to cut yourself away from us just because of something like this. I mean, me and Sakaki are still your friends, and we don't want to just throw that away," Yomi said pleadingly.
"I appreciate what you're saying, Yomi, but let's face it... I'll never be part of your friends like Osaka, or Tomo, or Kagura are. No matter what you say, I'll always be nothing more but the outsider. Nothing more than just the other friend you occasionally bump into, but never bother to stay in contact with. I'm sorry, but I think it's best that I just left and went my own way," Kaori said.
"Kaori... I just hope you know what you're doing, and not jumping the gun here. Because you are my friend, and that's never going to change. Not to mention you really helped me keep my wits about me back in Tokyo U when many other new people I didn't know avoided me because they didn't want to be associated with Tomo. So I would really hate to see you go like this, and I'd really want you to reconsider. I promise in the end everything would turn out très bien," Yomi further attempted.
"Thanks, Yomi," Kaori said with a slight smile, "but I think my mind is made up. But I guess I'll see you around sometimes anyway." With that Kaori then turned to address a few words to Sakaki as well, but before she could utter a single syllable, she suddenly found herself at a loss for words upon seeing Sakaki's form, her head hanging low and her body trembling a bit. She looked a bit sick in fact. The sudden change actually rather alarmed Kaori as Sakaki had seemed just fine a few moments ago. "S-Sakaki-san? Are... Are you all right?" Kaori asked with concern.
"Kaori..." Sakaki choked, not lifting her head to face the smaller woman.
Starting to get more and more worried for the goddess, Kaori took a small, hesitant step towards her and extended her arm towards Sakaki, though not far enough to touch her, trying to peer up at Sakaki's face. "Sakaki-san? What is it? W-what's wrong? Are you feeling okay?" Kaori asked now deeply concerned due to her former idol's inexplicably strange behaviour. "Oh no, I hope it's not food poisoning, or anything..."
"Kaori..." Sakaki choked again, and without warning, lifted both her arms and landed them on Kaori's shoulders, the sudden motion causing Kaori to flinch a bit in surprise.
After a small while of standing thus in silence, Sakaki finally lifted her face to meet Kaori's, and as so doing, causing a flood of terror to run through the stargirl's body. In all the time that she had known Sakaki, Kaori had never seen her as distraught as she looked now. Sakaki's eyes were now swimming in tears and her face was such a desolate epitome of hopelessness she had ever seen in her life, that Kaori didn't know at all what she was supposed to feel or do at the moment, her brain without warning being flooded with so many conflicting emotions of worry, fear and need to comfort.
"I'm... I'm s-s-so s-s-sorry... I'm sorry, K-Kaori..." Sakaki sobbed. "I s-shouldn't hav-ve d-d-dragged you to t-this thing like I d-did... It's all m-my fault! I just wasn't th-thinking..."
Kaori was utterly shocked. She didn't know what she should do here. It had already been terrible when Sakaki had ended up feeling somehow bad on her account before, but now Sakaki seemed to be so utterly devastated that it made Kaori's mind go completely loose and disjointed, her thoughts going wildly from one idea to another, and nothing made sense to her. She wanted to comfort Sakaki desperately, but she had no clue how to accomplish the task when having to face the pained expression of her former idol, her teary eyes and her utter sadness. "S-S-Sakaki-san... p-please. D-don't cry, okay? It's not y-your fault at all," Kaori tried vainly to console the distraught woman.
"Y-y-yes it is... I s-s-should have seen t-the trouble, and p-p-protected you, but I d-didn't do anything... a-a-and I dragged you i-into this whole m-mess in the f-f-first place. It's all my f-fault. I'm so sorry..." Sakaki continued her misery.
But if Sakaki was thinking that she was somehow making Kaori feel less bad by surrendering to her enveloping sense of guilt, the opposite was actually taking place as Kaori was starting to get desperate. When Sakaki was sad, Kaori usually found herself miserable. But when Sakaki was miserable, Kaori felt like dying. Even if she actively denied that Sakaki wasn't anything more to her other than a friend, it still hurt her immensely to see the tall woman so devastated. "W-what am I supposed to do?"she furiously thought as she tried to soothingly rub Sakaki's arm with her hand.
"Please don't leave Kaori!" Sakaki wailed. "I-it's all my fault! I should have taken care of you better and not allowed you to be hurt like this. Please... please forgive me! I'm sorry! J-just don't go! Forgive me, please!"
After that Sakaki removed her hands from Kaori's shoulders and covered her face as she wept into her palms. Kaori tried looking toward Yomi for assistance, but the bespectacled woman seemed to be just as shocked as she was, unable to do anything else other than just stare. Deciding that no help was likely to forthcome from that quarter, Kaori made the decision of biting the bullet and trying her utmost to make Sakaki feel better. No matter what was demanded of her.
"Sakaki-san. Please... please stop crying. It's... it's really not your fault at all. I just... lost my cool for a moment, that's all. Y-you have nothing to blame yourself for," Kaori said while resuming her soothing rubs.
"But... I..." Sakaki started, but Kaori quickly interrupted.
"No, no arguments, Sakaki-san. There's no reason for you to feel bad."
"But... you still feel like you need to leave us all behind. That... that you can't be our friend anymore," Sakaki sniffled.
"Oh... I... I... umm... m-maybe I was... that is... Uh..."
"I really wouldn't want you to feel like you had to leave, Kaori. Please. wouldn't you stay? Please?" Sakaki said, trying her best to compose herself to not sound as pathetic as she felt.
Kaori took a long look at Sakaki's sincerely pleading face and she could feel every ounce of defences and barriers she had so rigidly set up crumbling into dust. It just was always like this. Kaori just was completely unable to deliberately cause pain to Sakaki, or upset her in any slight way, which her walking out now would certainly bring about. And the look on Sakaki's face was just so child-like; so innocent and hopeful, that Kaori was starting to feel like crying herself for having made Sakaki feel this bad on her account. "Damn it! Why must I be this weak? How can Sakaki-san always somehow manage to do this to me? How can I possibly say no to her now? To that face?"
Kaori took a long sigh, and resigned to her fate of once more being a pawn to Sakaki's wishes, "All right. I'll... I'll stay."
"Y-you will?" Sakaki asked her face brightening up considerably as if she had just got news that a dear friend of her's was in fact not dead, but had only been in a deep sleep.
"Yes, I will... Just... please stop crying! You're just making me cry," Kaori said, already feeling tears welling up in her eyes.
Sakaki took Kaori's promise more happily than neither Kaori nor Yomi expected as she immediately stepped forward and scooped Kaori into a warm hug, "T-thank you. Thank you so very much, Kaori. And I promise, everything will be all right. It'll all work out. I promise."
"Yeah... all right," Kaori lowly said, not entirely convinced of that, but for the time being she just decided to go with the flow and see where all of this would lead. "Let's just hope I don't have to regret this decision... that it really will be all right... Because I just know that I can't take much more of this,"Kaori thought while returning Sakaki's comforting hug and allowing a few of those rampant tears to drop from her eyes, all the while feeling like she was headlong walking into a minefield with no map to tell her how to get out again.
– O –
At 6.37 pm, Harada Risa accidentally hits her head on her closet shelve.
At that very same moment, her twin sister Harada Riku curses the sudden headache she has developed seemingly out of nowhere.
Like I said, I very much liked writing this chapter. Character thoughts are just so much fun to write and this offered me a lot of opportunities to do that. I also hope that Kagura wasn't as bitchy in this chapter as in the previous ones. Just for the record, she's one of my favourite Azu-characters, even above Sakaki herself, so certainly it's not my intention to bash her in any way should it have seemed like so when looking at her past behaviour. She just has convictions she feels she needs to act on rather than hide, which would go so much past her personal ethics.