I end up sprinting into the castle, make a hard left (almost colliding with a gaggle of first years who leapt out of my way), dash up the stairs, down a few corridors, around a few corners until I find my window. Well, it's not mine, per say, but not many people find it here tucked away where it is, in a hallway that is rarely used since there are no classes here. I come here whenever I need to get away, from school, people, etc. I always come here to remember my father, or to write letters to my friends from home.
I'm walking aimlessly back and forth, back and forth, wondering what in Merlin just happened. I had a fight with Potter. I yelled. He yelled. I threw things. He tried to dodge them. I cried. He was nice to me. He was nice to me. What? That's not normal. I sit down on the window seat, trying to wrap my head around that fact – he was NICE to ME. I'm still pondering this just over two hours later (still sitting on the window seat, eyes glazed over staring at the wall with a dumbfounded expression on my face) when I realized that I had missed dinner.
Now that was a problem. Rule #324 at Hogwarts (yeah I know…there are SO MANY) – no one gets food after hours. Well, no one but a select few who have figured out where to go and those who have status…like the Head Girl…so, in other words, me. Thank Merlin, because I am FAMISHED. I head down the hallways, taking my time still pondering over everything that happened with Potter.
Was I too quick to assume Potter was all bad? He did give me cause, after all these years of torment…but is it partly my fault for blindly believing that he had not changed at all? For not even allowing him to show me the person he had become? All I want right now is a hugeeee sundae with a cherry on top so I can drown in my sorrow and eat my feelings. That picture of perfection is starting to take over my thoughts as I wander closer to the picture with the fruit. One: tickle pear and get into kitchen. Two: eat that nice big sundae as if your life depends on it. Three: find Marly and Alice and tell them my woes and fears. Four: Sleep for a billion years, wake up, eat something, sleep some more, and ignore my problems.
This plan is definitely is sounding good to my ears, and as I tickle that pear (man, I tell you, every time it giggles I want to giggle it's that adorable!) the painting swings open and the smell of the Hogwarts kitchen hits me like a ton of bricks.
And then the sight of Potter and Sirius looking at me with flabbergasted expressions on their faces hits me like another two tons of bricks.
"Uh…uhhh huhhh uhmm…I gotta run…" I stammer awkwardly, freezing like a deer in the headlights in the opening, and before the either of them could say a word, I bolt out of there lickity split and make headway for Gryffindor Tower, the picture of my sundae deflating sadly in my head as my stomach grumbles loudly. Of course he'd be there! Potter hadn't eaten at all either, he was busy being beat up by yours truly, and no one knows the kitchens better than him.
When I make it up to the dorm I share with Marly and Alice, I found the two of them sleeping like a couple of logs. So, of course I had to make it a point to slam the door closed as hard as I could to wake them up. I guess you could say I really needed to talk to them…
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL." Marly groggily screams as she sits straight up in her bed, white as a sheet. Alice, however, the deep sleeper she is, yelled at Frank to keep it down, she was trying to sleep. I threw a pillow at her, and then another one, and another and another until she finally woke up.
"Whazz going on?" She half whispers, "have I died am I sitting on a cloud? Where's Frank? Why isn't he with me? Ugh I told him to stay with me…" She begins to fall back to sleep, but Marly hits her with her pillow this time, and she's awake for good now.
"Lil?" Recognition dawns on Alice's face, "Where HAVE you BEEN? We were worried sick! Until JAMES of all people came in looking like he was dying and told us that you nearly killed him and NOT TO WORRY of all things!" Yep, she was definitely up right now, and none to happy about it either…
"Lily, what happened?" Marlene interjects Alice's little tirade, "You looked shocked, shocked and like you're going to fall down dead…and a tad hungry.." With that, she turns and pulls out some cauldron cakes she has stashed in her trunk in case of emergencies like this one.
"You've been gone since before dinner, Lil!" She continues after sitting me down on my bed and wrapping a blanket around me, "Spill!"
"Yah Lil, this better be good or else you've got a heck of a comeback waiting for you sometime…" Alice adds poignantly.
I stuff my face with the delicious homemade cauldron cake, and try to warm up and think about where I should start. I guess the beginning is a good place as any…so…I tell them everything that happened between me and Potter.
"….and then…and then he said I was kind and amazing and stunning and the look in his eyes was so sincere I've never seen anything like it from anyone else I've dated or tried to date because you know it's been hard to date anyone because of that prat…but it made me feel special and scared and confused and I don't know what to do or how to feel and I don't think I can face him again I might as well curl up in this bed and deem it my new home! You two are welcome any time!" I finish telling (well more or less blubbering) them my story, from when we were scheduling duty rounds to our battle in the Quidditch Pitch to seeing him and Sirius down in the kitchens, tears flowing the whole time.
The two of them sit there staring at me wide eyed and open mouthed, Marly casually eating popcorn like my life is some sort of dramatic movie or something, and Alice consoling me by smoothing out my hair and handing me tissues.
"I…I don't know what to say, Lil…" Marly says, for once lost for words (something that never happens), "Now that you've gotten it all out, and hopefully feel a bit better, what do you feel when you think of James?"
I think on her question for a minute…what do I feel…I wait for the anger and rage and annoyance and disgust to rush in, things I normally feel when I think of him...or see him...but surprisingly, they didn't come.
"I think…I think I feel…nothing, well nothing except for a little embarrassment. Ok, a lot of embarrassment…" I say in response to her question, wondering where all my dislike went.
"Lily, I think this was a really good thing…" Alice quips, "I think it was just what you needed to start over with James." I look at her, puzzled, and she continues, "I'm just saying, you spent all this time hating James, and now since you've gotten all of it out, now that you know he isn't the same person he was, you two can finally start to be friends."
"OoooOoooOoo, Lily Evans friends with James Potter! I thought I'd never see the day!" Marly teasingly pokes me in the arm, "I agree Lil, it's the best thing that could ever happen, take this chance Lily, and let bygones be bygones, it doesn't matter anymore."
It doesn't matter anymore. And surprisingly, as I kept thinking about it, it really didn't matter anymore. I felt good, I felt free of the past and ready for the future. I had, for so long, kept James at bay because I refused to acknowledge the changes he went through as a person. I held on so, so tightly to the idea that no one could ever change that I blindly didn't see him do it. It seems all so funny to me now, Lily Evans, the smartest girl in school, who can use nonverbal spells and who can brew a mean memory potion, couldn't even see what was right in front of her.
Makes me wonder what else I've missed in all honesty….I laugh to myself and announce quietly to my two bestest friends,
"It scares me as much to admit it, but I think you both are right," I muffle into my pillow, the tears slowly stopping, only a hiccup here or there remaining, "I don't even know Potter as a person, I only saw him as the annoying little boy he once was. I'm scared to let this all go," I manage to say, "but I know it's for the best, and it'll be better for everyone this way." I grin at them sheepishly as they look at me knowingly.
"Anywho, I know it'll be a breeze with my best people around to help navigate these new waters," I give Marly and Alice both a tight hug, "You have no idea how much it means to me to have you in my life." I tell them, choking up a little and thinking about Petunia, and while I lost her, I had gained two new friends to call my sisters.
They both laugh, and we tumble into a big pile on my bed, hugging and laughing and crying, when Marley suddenly announces she has something to tell us as well.
"I was going to tell y'all this before, but since Lily darlin' was missing I couldn't, but since we're all here now, I'll tell yah! If it's ok, I don't want to abruptly change the subject if you're not finished…" She's practicing her southern accent (ever since we put on a school play that was based on the state of Texas and she of course was the main character and therefore had to learn the accent…but I digress…) and that always means she has something important to tell us. I give her the go ahead, and once again I am feeling so glad to have these two wonderful people in my life.
"Anyway, Sirius "bumped" into me earlier, and I didn't think about it then, I found this in my pocket when I was changing clothes." She pulls out a mysterious looking contraption (just kidding, it was just a normal looking Galleon).
"Marls," I say, looking at her like I was worried about her sanity, "that's a Galleon." Alice nods her head in agreement.
"Definitely, Marly, has Marly already lost her marbles?" She teases, but Marly only gives us the "look", like "you sad poor souls, what you don't know…".
"Girls!," Marly whines at us, "Look at it! Up close!" So we do, and on the Galleon is a tiny inscription, a sentence of sorts, "Find the place behind the pair, the place under the lair that never sleeps."
"I don't know what it means! What pair? What lair? What never sleeps?" Marly looks so frustrated that it's almost funny, but then I remember she isn't a muggle born and I'm not sure whether they are familiar with treasure hunts.
I explain the concept to her of a muggle treasure hunt, and that this sentence sounds like the first clue, and that usually there is some sort of surprise or reward waiting at the end. I wonder how Sirius came about the idea…as he isn't muggle born either, but I guess he is a genius, a fact that before would bother me immensely because he could sashay his way into a test and ace it without even studying. But now, all I feel is the willingness to get to know him, and the idea he isn't all what he once seemed.
"So I take it things with you two are going well?" Alice asks Marly with a sly grin and we both look to her eagerly for an answer.
Marly looks like she's glowing, "Well, if you must know, it is going very, very well…I really like him a lot, he isn't the show-offy person he is around me like he is around other people, and it's special, and I think he knows it. We talk non-stop about everything, he is such a gentlemen, and I can't stop thinking about him!" She ends with a breath of air and falls back on the bed as if she just died (of happiness, of course!).
"You better make sure he treats you right!" I say, "or he'll have your two best girls after him if he isn't!" Alice agrees and fake punches the air.
"Don't you guys feel so good right now? Frank and I are in a great place in our relationship, Marly has good things to look forward to with this "hunt", and Lily here is making amends and starting over with someone she thought she'd hate for the rest of her life! Life is good, hey?" Alice lets out a contented sigh, and closes her eyes. I don't blame her, as it is super late.
Marly and I both mumble our agreement, these new turns in our lives, wherever they will bring us, however hard the road, are welcome, as we are willing to rise up to the occasion. As we are all falling asleep on my bed, I've never felt so happy for tomorrow to come, bringing change with it.
"Lils, you're going to work on befriending a certain someone tomorrow, right?" Marly whispers, almost asleep.
I assure her that I'd work on mending fences, but maybe not jump right into being friends, as we both still have to figure things out.
As I am falling asleep, a small smile forges its way across my face, I guess a little part of me can't wait to be friends with Potter, and maybe it always had, and it just took until now to realize that I wanted to be friends with Potter, the one and only Potter...James...