Sadie POV
You enter the apartment first, and immediately help Tommy get Jude into the bedroom and put her to bed, making sure there was a trash bin right beside her in case she got sick again. You smile as you watch him discard her boots and jeans before pulling the sheet and comforter over her small frame. You wonder if he'd ever done the same for you, but you somehow doubt it. Sure, maybe a blanket, but not that. Not with such care and precision. You can't blame him for that though. You knew going into it that his heart would never belong to you. But you'd tried so hard to make him happy, to make him proud that it hurt sometimes. And seeing him with Jude only reminded you that you weren't enough. Everyone says your name as if your some goddess, but you aren't. You aren't even sure if your capable of falling in love with. It doesn't seem like it. Guys to look at you, and every now and then, they'll want to pick apart your brain, but they always grow bored. They always find something better. You wish someone would just think you were the best. You are slowly giving up hope on that though. You, the eternal romanticist, had given up on love, or close to it, and that scares you enough to walk out of the room to give Tommy some privacy in case he wanted to change.. Or something.
You bypass the living room, which is where he is, and immediately head for the kitchen. You could use some coffee about now. Anything really. You scavenge the cabinets to find one tea bag. Tea could work too, you suppose as you grab a kettle, and fill it with water. You hope it will help you sober up enough so that you go get your car soon, but you have a feeling that you will be waiting for Tommy, and that could make much longer. You set the kettle on the stove and watch as the electric eye turns a blazing red. You hear someone in the doorway, but you are scared to turn around, so you stay put. You hate how long it takes for water to boil. It really shouldn't take so long.
The intruder clears his throat, and you realize your fear had been confirmed. "What do you want, Kwest?" You wonder if the annoyance came out stronger than your exhaustion. You hope so. But your voice had been betraying you all day, so you weren't counting on it.
"I want... I want you to talk to me, Sadie." He sighs as he leaves the doorway to make his way closer to you. He's so close to you now that you could easily rest your head back on his shoulder comfortably, but you refuse. You won't be his puppet. You won't let him lure you into false security again.
"There's nothing to talk about. You're getting married!" You turn towards him abruptly, finding a force within you that you didn't even know you possessed. "Why won't you just let me go, Kwest? Why?" You think you feel tears on your cheeks, but you can't even feel them welling in your eyes, so you ignore the sensation. He lifts his hands to wipe away the moisture, but you quickly slap them away. "Let me go!" You demand, and yet he still doesn't back away. You suddenly don't feel so strong as you take a step back, landing against a cabinet.
"I can't! Don't you see that, Sadie? I tried! I tried to let you go, but I can't. Because you are upset, and I hate seeing you upset!" He seems so sincere that you truly want to believe that he does hate it. But you know it's a lie. He wouldn't do this to you.
"I'm fine!" You nearly yell at him as you physically push him away. Distance was good. You needed distance to keep your clarity. Portia Portia Portia.
"No you're not! You're crying! Let me help you!" He nearly begs, and you want to let him. You want so bad that it nearly brings another onslaught of tears until he takes a step forward you again, and the anger rises to the top again.
"Get AWAY from me!" Your voice is shrill, almost hoarse, and you hate that you are becoming weak when you need your strength the most. Once again, push him back, and this time he looks as if he got the message. Apparently he didn't as he advanced to you even faster, this time grabbing tightly onto your bent elbows.
"Stop it Sadie!" He glares at you as he forces you to meet his gaze. "Stop pushing me away! Damn it woman! You drive me damn near crazy sometimes!"
"You used to like that about me." You whimper, but you stop yourself as you try to slide out of his grip, but he doesn't budge.
"Why can't you let me help you?" He seemed to ignore your response completely, which only further infuriated you. You hate being ignored.
"Why don't you love me?" You asked, and surprisingly you maintained eye contact. You wanted to know if he was going to tell you the truth.
"I can't answer that." He quickly let go of his hold on you, but this time it was you that stopped him, turning him back towards you as he tried to leave the room.
"I suggest you try real damn hard." You glared at him and watched as his face fell.
"Who says I don't?" He mumbled as as quickly as the words left his mouth, you vowed to make him take them back with a vengence. Your right hand slapped his cheek quickly, almost on its own accord, and all you could think was that he was lucky that none of your rings were twisted around.
"Bullshit!" You retort in a low tone, fighting the urge to slap him again just for his stupidity. How dare he say that to you!
"I told you I couldn't answer it! You didn't want to listen though! You never want to listen! You talk and talk, but you NEVER listen!" He growls at you, and you almost back away from him. But you stand your ground and place your hands firmly on your hips.
"I'm listening now." You declare boldly, but you direct your attention to the door, where Tommy now stood, and you wonder how long he's been standing there, and exactly how much he'd heard. You frown as you step away from Kwest, who now noticed Tommy too. Before either of you could think of a word to say, he shook his head and walked out and back into the living room. Not even glancing at Kwest, you follow Tommy, and you aren't surprised when Kwest lets you. After all, he's the one engaged to Tommy's ex wife.
"Jude okay?" You ask him once you find him sitting in the leather recliner, his face enveloped in his hands.
"I think so." He nodded, but he still didn't look at you, and you felt like a diseased woman. It wasn't your fault that Kwest can't let you go! You'd begged him to. You'd reminded him of Portia, and he still continued to argue. Had you pushed him to the brink? Had your forced him to say those words? Maybe, but that wasn't what you'd expected him to say. It was so far from what you expected, that you could barely even believe he uttered them at all.
"Good." You nod your head as you sat in another recliner, not taking the chance of sharing a couch with Kwest. You hear his footsteps, and soon enough he sits in the middle of the couch. He would. If he thinks your sitting next to him, he is sadly mistaken!
"Someone want to tell me what I just saw!" Tommy spoke swiftly, and you knew instantly that you weren't going to be the one to answer him. You glare at Kwest for a moment, waiting for him to give an answer, but he doesn't. "Well!" Tom was not a patient person, and Kwest was severely pushing his buttons. You did not want to be here anymore. You wanted to go home and crawl into your bed and hide under the covers.
"It wasn't what you think, T." Kwest finally spoke up, and even you couldn't help but scoff. He still didn't look at you, and you didn't know how to feel about that.
"Oh yeah? So you weren't just telling Sadie that you loved her even though you are ENGAGED? Because that's what it looked like to me!" He nearly yelled, and you couldn't help but wonder how long it'd take Jude to come out here and find out what is going on.
"No!" He insisted, and this time he didn't even look at Tommy. Liar! You hated liars. You never knew Kwest would be everything you hated, and yet everything you loved. Although, today it was more of the former than the latter. You were finding it hard to remember why you loved him the more the day went on.
"Oh, give me a break!" Tom huffed, and I couldn't help but smile.
"Can we not talk about this now, T?"
"Sure Kwest. But when? You're bachelor party. You're wedding. Your anniversary? Tell me, when!" You winced at the mention of every occasion. They weren't events you wanted to think of. Hopefully it would be a long engagement. You could hope. You needed time.
"It's not like I planned to say that, T! She just.. She makes everything so damn hard!" He swears, and it's all you can do not to hurl your shoe at him. What nerve he has to blame you!
"I.. I'm going to go check on my tea." You mumble as you make a quick exit back to the kitchen. You are thankful that the water is boiling so you can toss the bag in there. Also gives you a reason to stay out of the living room. You block out the strained conversation in the other room as best you can. You didn't need to hear anymore. None of it was going to make you feel better.
You aren't sure how much time pases, but you assume it's awhile because the cup of tea in front of you had already turned cold on you when you hear a familiar pair of footsteps enter the room. You offer a faint smile in his direction before you refocus your attention on the cup of tea, that you never drank. You couldn't make your hands stop shaking to lift it to your lips, and you eventually gave up.
"Hey Sades." He takes a seat in the chair next to you, and you want to respond, but you can't form any words. How much longer was the day going to get.
"I sent him home. I'll just drive you in the hummer in the morning to get your car. You can crash in the extra bedroom."
"Thanks Tom." You smile thankfully, but can't help but wonder how you hadn't heard the door close. Had you been that zoned out?
Apparently.
"Sadie.. He shouldn't have said that to you. I'm sorry." He frowned as he extended his hands to grab onto yours, offering a faint squeeze. You wish he could help you forget, but he can't, or won't. You aren't sure which one really, but if you'd have to guess it was both. He was a good friend though, and you were thankful to have him as one. It was hard to believe sometimes that the guy that filled your walls as a tween was now one of your best friends and ex boyfriend, and you're sister was an international rockstar. Didn't seem real. But it was.
"I can't believe he's engaged, Tommy. I love him." Tears spewed out of your eyes again, but your barely noticed. You'd cried so many times that it just seemed second nature now.
"For what it's worth, Kwest is an idiot." It was a sweet gesture, but it honestly didn't mean a whole lot coming from him, he was after all, one of the several that threw you away. You weren't enough for him either. At least he never told you he loved you though. At least he had that decency not to lie to you. You wonder if he's been this charming his whole life, or did they teach him how to make girls swoon when he joined Boyz Attack. Of course, then again, he was charming in a different than he was when as a poster on your wall. He might have looked like he was staring into your soul and understood everything your heart desired, but he didn't. Now, he does, and he truly knows you. You weren't just a fan anymore. It was just so surreal.
"You should check on Jude." You suggest, not wanting to talk about it anymore. Not with him or with anyone else.
"Yeah." He nodded as he squeezed your hand again. "Goodnight Sades."
"Night Tom." You smile as you watch him leave the room. He would make a good dad. You decide as your look back down at your cup. So much for tea, you sigh as you pour it down the drain. The guest bed was calling your name.
There's Jommy in next chapter! I PROMISE!!!