Once again, Julie was sitting in the office of Professor Snape. She was very tense and Snape's gaze was fixed on her hands, which convulsively clutched the armrests of the chair on which she sat.

"How did you sleep," he asked, although he knew the answer already.

Julie seemed to be exhausted.

"You were right. The potion, which you gave me last night, made me fall asleep quickly. However, my sleep was restless and my dreams besieged by dark shadows. I stood on the threshold which

leads to my deepest fear, but I did not cross it."

Snape nodded silently. He understood only too well what she meant. He too had been hunted for a long time by such shadows. They were frightening and cruel.

"With your permission, we will meet next Friday after dinner in my office. If all goes well, one evening will be sufficient," said Snape, watching her reaction carefully.

Julie nodded in agreement as she bit her lower lip.

"Madam Pomfrey will be present during the whole time in order to take care of your well-being," Snape added, to reassure her.

"Why only on Friday," Julie asked hesitantly.

Now that she had decided to go ahead with Professor Snape's offer, she wanted to get it over with. Julie looked at him quizzically.

Snape was surprised. Part of him had anticipated that Julie would back down. Now he sat in front of her and looked into her eyes, which were filled with concern and he couldn't help but to admire her courage.

"Believe me when I say that you will need to rest for a few days, after we are done," Snape replied.

Julie nodded and since everything had been discussed, she stood up to leave the office.

"Miss Abbott, this week I will not give you tutoring lessons. Try to relax," said Snape.

Julie was a little surprised. She did not expect that.

"But come every night to me to pick up the sleeping potion," he said, before he let her go.

Julie smiled in relief and left his office.

Snape watched her thoughtfully. She was not weak. This young woman was bolder than some death eaters that he had known. A deep respect for Julie began to grow in him. Snape reached for his quill and began to grade essays.

It was Friday night and Julie was on her way to Professor Snape. She had lain down after dinner for a while and had tried to relax. Professor Snape had spoken briefly after class with her and asked her to rest a little before she came to him. It had been difficult to relax. In her hands, Julie held her small pillow, which she pressed to her chest.

When she entered the office, Madam Pomfrey was already waiting for her. Julie looked at Professor Snape, who walked towards her. He was wearing black pants and to her surprise, a white shirt whose sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. She was so surprised that she did not notice that Snape was now standing directly in front of her. Julie winced as Poppy touched her arm. Snape gave her a glass with a white liquid and Julie looked at him quizzically.

"What's that," she asked softly.

"This is for your emotions," he replied.

Snape had recently drunk the same potion. He stared at her as she emptied the glass and his eyes fell on the pillow that Julie was still holding against her chest while she drank. She handed him the glass and was surprised that the potion had tasted so good.

Poppy took Julie's hand and led her to an armchair, which stood near the fireplace. Julie sat on it and Poppy engaged her in a conversation. Snape sat behind his desk, waiting for the effect of the potion. When he felt that the potion had deployed its full effect, he gave Julie a further twenty minutes. Then Snape stood up and took his wand.

Julie paled visibly when Snape's shadow fell on her. She swallowed hard and opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came from her lips. Snape knelt down and looked at her searchingly.

"When you are ready, we start now," he said, waiting for her approval.

Julie would never be ready for this, but she was dying to get it over with. She nodded silently, leaning back in the armchair while Snape stood up. Beads of sweat appeared on her forehead as Snape positioned himself. He saw how a wave of fear rolled over her. Her fingers dug into the little pillow which she had previously kneaded nervously with her hands. Snape pointed his wand at her. Poppy noticed how his hand trembled slightly and she pitied both of them. Julie had closed her eyes and trembled already all over.

"Legilimens".

A single word, with a strong effect. Julie squirmed in his armchair, as Snape tried to find his way through her memories. Disturbing images, great agony and fierce cries tormented Snape. He thought his head would burst apart at any given moment.

Julie's body was afflicted by unbridled pain which relentlessly crawled through every vein, pore and cell of her body. She felt overwhelming fear and despair, helplessness and panic. Then came the anger, which rolled like a tsunami wave over her. Her mind was in a daze, but the pain and suffering did not end. It became more intense with every moment which passed.

It was a branched network of memories, which represented a challenge, even for Snape. The short breaks, which they made, became longer. He had been right, women felt differently. Snape could not tolerate the pain, which Julie had felt. The pain and agony took him far beyond his limits of endurance. It seemed to tear him up inside. Finally, he dropped his arm and sank exhausted on his knees. Poppy was instantly at his side and support him. He pushed her aside and looked over to Julie, who looked terrible.

"Go to her and help her," Snape said in a weak voice.

Poppy gently stroked Julie's cheek and spoke soothing words to her.

Snape's head was throbbing wildly. He gasped for air, while he fought quietly against the tortures which he had just gone through. Slowly Snape's senses calmed down and he stood up. His gaze fell on Julie. She sat in his armchair, leaning her head against her small pillow and her legs were stretched out on a stool, on which Poppy had placed a blanket. She slept. Her respiration was quiet and steady. Snape walked slowly toward her.

Poppy heard Snape and turned to him. She put her hand on his shoulder and walked him over to the second armchair. Snape sat down and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes he saw Poppy as she smiled down at him. She handed him his sleeping potion. Snape looked at Julie.

"Did she drank the potion," he asked Poppy.

Julie would be haunted by terrible nightmares. Even his sleeping potion would not help her tonight. She would cross the threshold which led to the dark abysses in the depths of her being without doubt.

Poppy nodded.

"Yes, it was indeed difficult to encaurage Julie, but she has drunk it all. Do you have a blanket, so that I can cover her," Poppy asked.

Snape nodded wordlessly.

"Where can I find it?"

"In my closet in the bedroom," said Snape exhausted.

When Poppy came back with the blanket, Severus was already asleep.

Snape wondered again how much a man could endure. He was pushed to his limits - again. Snape had often thought that he would lose his mind. Year by year, day by day he had lived a life of which he had once dreamed, but which destroyed him now. It had been a slow procedure, agonizing and lengthy, which had step by step taken away everything what he had had. Step by step, he had become someone he did not know, often even feared. The fear of death had become ubiquitous in his life and Snape had started to live only from one day to another. Then only from hour to hour. Snape lived for something what Albus wanted to achieve at any cost. And Snape was one of Dumbledore's chess pieces. It was no ordinary game of chess. The world would never see its kind again.

Albus had been willing to give everything, ultimately, his own life if it were necessary. And with the same mentality he had used other people. On the day when Albus had revealed to him that Harry Potter would someday die anyway, Snape had been deeply shaken. Not only because Harry was Lily's son. Snape had understood in this moment that Albus played a game. A small mistake or a wrong move would kill someone.

Snape understood that he also was one of Albus' chess pieces, which he used cleverly and strategically. But Snape played on both sides, on the side of darkness and on the side of light. Snape was mired ever deeper into Albus' game and realized at some point that there was no escape. It became clear to him that he had to fulfill a function which he had not expected. At first he had been shocked. Then Snape hoped, that Albus was a good chess player.

He had never thought about his future. Why should he? He lived door to door with death. Wherever he went, whatever he did, death followed him. The only plan was the game itself, and it was all that mattered. At the beginning Snape had occasionally thought about the future. At that time he still had hope. What would happen if Albus' plan would succeed? What if...? But the deeper Snape was caught up in the game, the more he saw, what he would become. If Albus would win or not, made no difference. Whether he would live as a death eater, or as a free wizard, Snape would never be the same. He would never be freed from the burden which he had foolishly imposed upon himself. A burden, which threatened to suffocate him agonizingly. This knowledge had broken Snape. This was the moment when he no longer wanted to live. An error, a single error in his naive youth had brought this disaster upon him.

He had tortured and killed other people. Each time he ended a life, Snape felt that it was a bit darker in him. And the more he killed, the darker it became, until darkness prevailed. Was there something he could do to change this? It was too late to ask for forgiveness. Those that he had killed, were dead and therefore forever out of reach. How could he find forgiveness for such horrible acts? Snape saw no way. Of course he was now known for his feats, but no one knew what it had meant to be a spy for Dumbledore. No one knew this except Albus, who was a friend of Snape today.

Sometimes he had profoundly hated Albus for his ruthlessness in dealing with the lives of others. Dumbledore was now always there when Snape needed him. He listened to him. It helped a little, to express the pain, but it did not destroy the darkness in him. Snape's gaze fell on Julie and he looked at her in silence for a long time. It was not easy to put into words what he felt. This young woman had in fact done nothing exceptional. But she had changed his world. Nothing was as it once was. Snape's heart was beating hard in his chest as he realized what was happening. He had not understood the change at first, but now he knew that she brought him slowly into the light. Was it pain he felt? Or joy? He could not say. The feeling was entirely unknown to him. But he knew now that he would never let her go.

Julie flinched in her sleep and Snape's thoughts changed. He had seen her memories. Perhaps he had looked around a little too long. Snape had the apprehension that he might have become a bit more screwy. She had been so innocent. Nevertheless, she had to endure a lot of suffering and torture. The boy had never pushed too far, which is why no one had noticed his evil deeds. Julie had finally confided the headmaster and he had wished to catch the boy in the act. He had not said this to Julie and she had run into a trap. The plan of the Headmaster almost ended fatally. Julie could have died that day, because the boy had been afflicted by a kind of greed, which Snape had seen before. The greed to see others suffer - and die. Just as Voldemort, thought Snape.

He tried to push the thoughts away. What could he do? He could not forgive himself for that, what he had done. His facial expression changed. Snape stared at Julie and wondered if there was anything in life, what he could do, to feel better. It was a selfish desire. But Snape had changed a little bit. And he was ready to change even more. He had experienced much torture himself. Punishments that Voldemort had imposed on him, often carried out by the dark lord himself. Snape shuddered as he thought about it.

He felt the all too familiar hopelessness creeping into his heart. Snape tried to fight against it. Why now, he wondered angrily. This evening had stirred up much dirt. And not only in Miss Abbot, but also in Snape himself. His burden was now twice as large as before. He now carried his own burden and that of Miss Abbott. But he had been willing to make this sacrifice for her. She had suffered unimaginable. At least he could help her now. In his mind he began a list of ingredients which he needed to brew her sleeping potion. It would take him three days. Until then, she would continue to drink his sleeping potion. At least this was more effective than an ordinary potion. Snape felt better after he started to plan.

Snape leaned his head against the backrest of his armchair and Poppy stroked over his chest, before she continued to massage his tense shoulders. Julie sat suddenly upright. She looked around anxiously. Snape knew that she was not really conscious. Julie was caught somewhere between her dreams and the reality, a place from which it was difficult to escape.

Poppy ran to her side and comforted her. Snape smiled as Julie sank back in the armchair and fell into a restless sleep. Since midnight Julie woke up on a regular basis. It was always the same. Until then Snape had slept and since then he sat in his armchair, watching her.

Poppy came back and massaged Snape's shoulders.

"At first I hated Trelawney's prediction," he said quietly.

Poppy smiled, without commenting.

"I did not want to admit it. But deep inside me, I had the secret wish that it would come true," said Snape.

Poppy smiled wider. "Sybill's not as bad as they say," said Poppy, "Of course, her permanent death predictions can be annoying. But that does not mean that they are not true."

Snape nodded silently. It was thanks to Sybill that he lived today. She had foreseen his death. Poppy had made her way to the old boathouse with a antidote against snake venom to save him. They both smiled when they thought of the same thing in the same moment.

"I hope that Sybill's prediction is correct," said Snape. "And I hope that the said lady is now sleeping in front of me on my favorite armchair," he added quietly.

Poppy was deeply touched by his words.

"Does that sound like romantic nonsense," asked Snape and looked over his shoulder at Poppy.

"No," she said reassuringly, "No Severus, that sounds exactly like what I've always wanted for you," she said.

"And what would that be," he asked, a little curious.

Poppy smiled suggestively.

"You are in love, Severus, you're in love."

A/N:

To whoever has posted the hateful comments:

I said at the very beginning that English is NOT my native language. If you find errors in my story, which probably everyone does, you can point them out to me and give me the chance to make improvements.

As I wrote at the beginning, constructive criticism is most welcome. To criticize with hateful words is immature. It's worse then appalling grammar, spelling mistakes etc.

What is the benefit of having perfect knowledge in English, if you have such a character? If you suggest me enrolling myself in a English language course, I might suggest that you would do yourself a favor if you work on your character traits.

Why did you read the story to the ninth chapter, if it is so poorly written?

Hello to everyone else!

I'm very sorry that this time it has taken so long. I was absolutely uninspired to write. I'm sorry. One should not be influenced by such people, but unfortunately it was the case with me.

It was difficult to write this chapter, especially the second part. I hope you liked it.