They say hell is fire and brimstone.

They say its where you go to boil in a lake of lava.

They say its for the damned

They say a lot of things but they don't know.

Hell wasn't a cave sweltering with heat and it sure wasn't some demonic palace where some horned bastard cackles manically. No hell is worse then that. Hell is a place where you care carved up day in and say out. Endless hours of your flesh being slice, where you are brought just to the threshold of shock. Only to be brought back from the edge but not the pain. To be heal in preparation for to be sliced again and again.

Hell is screaming for help from your brother from the doctor who is supposed to care for you to be ignored. I know they would help me if they were really there. But his words were worming into my heart. That I was his toy, his little plaything and there was nothing that anyone could do. He would care me and heal me because here. In this hell. He was my god. I could stop this at any time he told me that. I would only come off the rack, if I would take up his blade, I could make it all stop. He got pleasure out of it. Twisting me and hurting me.

Eventually I submitted.

I scream until my throat was raw.

I scream YES.

I would join him.

I would rip into others as I had been ripped into.

I wanted his blade.

I wanted his blade to turn on other.

But my curse, my hell, it kept me silent.

So I was forced to remain on the rack, my self mutilated over and over until I was sure there was nothing left that resembled me. Then like the breaking of the dawn against the night, I was pulled back. Back into the very light of my life. I wanted to cry. I wanted to say something. But what I saw stopped me. It was an angel, my angel, my savior. Eyes brighter and bluer then anything you would have seen in your life, hair befitting of the warrior fresh from battle. But that wasn't what made him, I watching to reach out and capture his lips, to give my angel the thank you he deserved.

I plead for his name and then it came to me.

"Castiel."

After that I slipped into a blissful sleep for the longest time. Time passed and I healed but I could heal in the way I needed to most. A way that I wouldn't have even considered before him, I needed blood. And that what I plan to get tonight.

My chance to heal.

My chance to pick up that blade I screamed for.

My chance to draw blood.

Castiel showed me what I would need. The nurses station was small enough and round enough that it should hold him. I fitted it with a series of devil's traps and then dug into the drawers for a sedative. I had seen where they kept them when Doc had gone off to get one for dealing with that demon. The only thing a sedative was going to do was hold the demon in the body until I could wake him up and get him in the trap. A quick trip across the empty ward and a violent jab of the needle and he is ready.

Getting him in the trap and secured was the easiest part. The hard one was going to be waking him back up, that was without the adrenaline. Half a minute later he was up and panting, I wheeled the cart I had loaded up with everything fun I find in and I expected fear. No I demanded it. But I should have known better.

It was Alistair after all.

A smirk graced his lips and he started laughing.

"I'm sorry; this is a very serious, very emotional situation for you. I know I shouldn't laugh its just that I'm mean. But come on are you serious. You're going to torture me?"

"I'm in heaven." I muttered as I picked up one of the surgical blades.

"What?"

"I'm in heaven." I smile at him, letting the joy of the song fill me, "And my heart and my heart beats so that I can hardly speak. I seem to find the happiness I seek, when were out together dancing."

I slice the blade across his face, "Cheek to cheek."

Alistair hisses but his voice remained even, "You think I'll see all your scary toys and spill my guts?"

"You'll spill your guts, one way or another." I match his tone and for empathies peel off my shirt, it will make clean up easier later, "I just didn't wanna ruin my shirt."

"Come on you gotta want a little payback for everything that I put you through. For all the pokes and prods." I know him he's trying to rile me up, "then how about for ever little boy and girl I had on my rack before you."

Something in me snapped. I grabbed the paddles of the defibrillator and charged them,I turned to him, the charged paddles in my hands an pressed them into his torso. I fought against cringing at the smell of charing flesh or the way he rocked against his bonds. When I stopped he started chuckling again.

"Grasshopper, you're going to have to get creative to impress me."

"I've been dreaming of this Alistair, so trust me I have a few ideas." I pointed to several IV lines I had placed in him. I made a show of filling up four more syringes with adrenaline, "Lets get started."

I placed three of the syringes into the IV lines but didn't press down, the four I pushed in all into and watch as he twitched and flinched as his heart rate grew faster and faster. He was coming close to a heart attack but I was careful, I had given him just enough. He looked hatefully right at me and for a moment I couldn't have been happier; I took this little break to attach a heart rate monitor.

Cant be too careful.

"Let me know if you want some more there is plenty left."

The grim man tried to keep his voice even against his racing heart, "Go directly to hell, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars."

I sat back and watched as the chemicals continued to mess with his system, all the while watching his hand made blade. He had hidden it in his bed now it sat on my tray. On the coffee pot's hot plate, the twisted bit of metal was slowly beginning to glow red. I turned it over slowly; I wanted to make sure it was just perfect for him.

"There's my little pig poker, I wondered where it went. Do you really think this is gonna fix you. Give you closure. That is sad. That is really sad. Sad, sad. I carved you into a new animal Dean, there is no going back and no angel can change that."

"Maybe you're right but now it's my turn to carve." I slipped the red hot blade into his stomach, a favorite trick of his. Cuts, cauterizes and tears flesh all at the same time.

When I finally drew the twisted blade out of him and sealed the wound, he started cackling louder then he ever had before, "Ya know, its your professionalism that I respect"

"You lack the resources, your reality, is well just too concrete."

"Shut up."

"If we could just go back, I could teach you so many things.'

"Shut up."

"This that you could never imagine, you'd be capable of doing."

"Then all make you shut up." I up ended a box of salt holding his mouth open as the white graduals poured down his throat. There was something so completely blissful about inflicting this kind of pain on to him. Something satisfying, I could almost understand why he enjoyed it.

When I finished Alistair tried to hack up the salt, "Sound like I have something caught in my throat. I think it's my throat."

I turned away to grab something else, I couldn't have taken my eyes off of him for more then a minute but the time I turn back around he was standing in from of me, bloody and beaten but very much free of his bonds. He shoved me to the ground and smiled blades twisting happily in his hands.

"My turn."

I scrambled forward and managed to press on of the syringed down, forcing a fresh massive dose of adrenaline into his system. As much as the rack had held him up before, without it he crumpled into an almost convulsion heap of body. Grabbing another of the plungers, I pressed down dumping yet another dose into him. I honestly don't know how many before he died but I'm not stopping till his body his ridged.

Once all of the syringed had been emptied into him, I dragged Alistair back to his room and cleaning him up before repeating the process on the ward removing all trace of the trap and my tools.

As I climbed back into my bed, I muttered a small sentence outloud. I never learned to pray so I hope this works.

"I'm sorry Cas, it had to be done."

A/N: For those of you who didn't pick it up. This Chapter was from Dean's POV, every 10th one will be.

- WordDemon