I was ecstatic. It was the middle of the week; a Thursday. Jean and Sam agreed to let me off house arrest so I could go looking for a place to volunteer at. And it was only if I promised that that would be the only thing I would do. I was not allowed to hang out at friends' houses' or anything. I didn't mind. I got to go out and paint.
I came bouncing into my last period class with a smile on my face. Kairi had missed our morning classes together, so this was the first time I had seen her all day. She wore a confused expression as I came to sit on her desk. My seat was on the other side of the room.
"Just a few days ago, you were like 'screw the world'. What is with the change?" She asked me. I hopped from one foot to the other.
"I'm done with house arrest!"
"It's only been a few days! No way!" She asked, dumbstruck.
"I know! Well—I'm not allowed to go anywhere else besides the place I am volunteering at, but yes! I'm finished!" I smiled, resting my small palms on her desk.
"Wow—this is great! Where are you planning on volunteering?"
I had been scanning through the phonebook last night, trying to find places to volunteer. I had called hospitals and studios, but some said either they had volunteers, or they weren't accepting any. Most of the places I called shot me down. Except for one. I wasn't too thrilled about the location, but there wasn't much I could do about it.
"Leavenworth Rec Center?" Yeah, that was the name.
Kairi pondered on the name for a minute before her eyes widened. "You are going all the way to a Northwood Heights Rec Center!"
"Yes." I stated. "It was the only place that was accepting."
"That's crazy, Namine. Remember what happened last time we went there? And we weren't even ten feet inside the place!"
I sighed. "There isn't much I can do about it, now is there?" She stayed quiet. "Anyway—I'm going home to change after class and then I will be on my way there. I need to meet some people and such." She nodded and I walked over to my seat, which was so conveniently in front of Roxas's. I was still angry with him for calling me a prude on Monday. I didn't care if he was high or not, it still pissed me off. It wasn't like he was drunk. He was still aware.
"Nice to see you're chipper today." I heard Roxas mumble from behind me.
"And you aren't?" I shot back. "Why don't you go smoke some more and get happy?" I could feel him glaring at my back with that statement.
"Listen, I'm sorry."
"I don't accept the apology." I said, flipping through my notebook to find a clean page.
"Why not?" He asked. I didn't understand how he could be so dumb. It was obvious that I was irritated with what he said to me. Why should I forgive him so easily?
"You hurt my feelings, Roxas." I said bluntly.
"I don't like people telling me what I should and shouldn't do." He told me. He was talking about how I told him he should stop smoking.
"So you call me a prude? Roxas—I told you to stop because it is really bad for you." By this time, I had turned completely around in my chair. "You should really stop smoking pot. It's harmful and disgusting. Cigarettes too."
"And what? Lose all my friends and be the depressed kid? I don't know what I'd do to myself if I didn't have this as a release. It helps, Namine. Would you rather me turn into someone who considered suicide or something?"
"For one, no I wouldn't. I don't even want to hear you say that again. And two—" I took a breath. "You wouldn't be depressed and have no friends. Those people can't be real friends, Roxas. You have me."
"You can't even stand to be around me." He said quietly. I shook my head.
"That isn't true. I can't stand to be around you when you are high or drunk or anything. It scares me." I told him. "All I want to do is help."
"Did I tell you that you shouldn't even bother?"
"Roxas, have you pictured what this could do to you in the long run?"
He got silent.
"I know you think it helps you forget and makes you happy. Maybe it does. But, did you ever stop to think that there are better ways to make yourself feel better? I lost both my parents, and I don't even know how, but you don't see me going around and doing drugs."
"No you just torture yourself to tears." He said back to me.
"My point is—there are people you can see, and friends you can make that aren't into that stuff." I said softly, in my high soprano voice.
"I have a friend. We are dealing with this together."
"Who? Axel? You won't help yourself when he does the same stuff."
Roxas took my hand, which startled me. "Just—don't bother Namine. I know you feel you need to help me, and I really do appreciate it, but I have been dealing with it on my own before you came here." He lifted his hand and tucked a strand of blond hair behind my ear. "Stop worrying about me. I'm not about to go and die. I'm fine. I can deal with it."
I bit my lip to stop myself from blushing. "Okay."
I turned my attention to the front as we had two more minutes until the bell rang. Ventus strolled into the classroom with a huge smile on his face. He waved to me and I waved back, a smile on my face. It was empty of emotion though.
I just stared at the board.
I had changed into a thin white dress with a brown sweater and black slip ons before I started making my way to the shuttle. I kept replaying the moment where Roxas pushed my hair behind my ear, and I could stop myself from feeling strange about it. I tried to shake it out of my head and replace it with Ventus, but it wasn't working. I mean—their faces were almost the same!
The shuttle ride kept reminding me of that night. The night where I was made fun of, and the night Kairi and Roxas were the first to find out that I was adopted. I still had a slight fear of those guys who bothered me, and I knew if I ever got into trouble like that again, Roxas might not be there to save me.
"Hello?" My cell phone had been vibrating a lot, but I kept losing signal until I got off the shuttle.
"Namine! I just wanted to make sure that you were safe." Kairi's vibrant voice rang through the phone. I could hear Sora yelling 'Is that Nam? I wanna say hi!' in the background.
"I am. The shuttle I took was near the place, so I am a street away according to my iPhone map." I said. I had been looking at street signs to make sure I didn't miss the place. It wasn't quite dark yet, though the sky had a tinge of orange in it.
"Alright. Can you see the place now?" She asked. I turned a corner and saw a building. The outside was pure white, and the paint was chipping. The windows weren't the cleanest and the garden wasn't kept at all. It was overgrown. I wasn't expecting some nice place, though. The other sides of the building and some of the sidewalk had graffiti on it and there were bottles all over the sidewalk.
"Yeah. I'll call you when I leave." I told her and pressed end. Pushing open the glass door, the inside was a bit cleaner than the outside, though it wasn't by much. I could hear kids playing basketball in the gym and there were many rooms with counselors and other kids around my age in them.
"Are you Ms. Manzano?" A strong, but soft voice said from behind me. I turned around to find a tall woman with long black hair staring at me. She had a small smile on her lips and a clipboard in her hands.
"Namine." I extended a hand, and she took it. She was wearing a pair of paint stained jeans and an oversized hoodie. I felt bad for my poor clothes if I was painting today.
"I'm Tifa. Just Tifa." She smiled. "I'm a counselor here. I help with the arts program."
"Great." I laughed. "Just send me to work. Whatever you need me to do, even if it isn't painting."
"I'm glad you are such a hard worker. Much better than our other volunteer, though I don't oversee his work. He helps out in the gym." I nodded, taking note that there was someone else here. She continued her explanation as we sat down in some chairs in front of the windows.
"So what is it that I will be doing?" I asked her, crossing my legs.
"Well—for the beginning, you will be helping out with us counselors in motivating our troubled youths into art. Most of them, as you can guess, think art is a waste of time and refuse to work. Your job isn't so paint as much as it is to motivate them." I nodded. "At the end of your stay here, right before summer begins, you will help everyone in painting a new mural outside the building. Everyone, not just art programs, will help with this. And you get to help put your style into as well." She smiled at me.
"Great." I said with a grin. "I'm really excited."
As I was filling out paperwork for my volunteer work, a car pulled up outside. I didn't look up, I just heard it. The brakes were horrible. The front door opened and I recognized one of the voices.
"I'm sorry that I have to drive you, I just need to make sure you actually come. These one hundred hours are important, you know." I glanced up and saw a woman that I was very fond of. Her green eyes glanced over to where I was sitting with Tifa. "Oh, Namine!"
"Hello, Aerith." I said, watching her walk over to me.
"Are you volunteering here?" She asked, pulling up the strap of her purse. I nodded, checking off a few more boxes. "Hi, Tifa. How are you and Zack?" She asked sweetly.
"Good, thank you. I'm still waiting for that proposal." She joked as I handed her back the paperwork so she could file it. I looked up into Aerith's smiling face.
"Why are you here, Aerith?" She moved out of my vision to point behind her. There stood Roxas. He had on a pair of loose dark blue jeans, a white shirt, and an even darker navy sweater. On his head was a beanie that was loose on his head, allowing his bangs to spill out from under it. He had his phone in his hand. He didn't bother to look up. I didn't think he knew I was there.
"Roxas?" I asked lightly. He looked up, startled and walked over.
"Namine? Why are you here?" He asked me with a raised eyebrow. I stood from my seat, seeing as I was now the only one sitting.
"Volunteer work." I said. "You?"
"Same."
It got awkwardly quiet.
"So you two know each other?" Tifa then said, breaking the silence.
"Yeah, I guess." I told her. An older man came out from one of the offices behind Roxas. He was blond, but it was pale, and looked like it would turn gray soon.
"Roxas, it's time for you to start. They are waiting for you in the gym."
"Okay, Ansem." He looked back over to us. "Bye mom. Later, Namine." He turned around, but I spoke once more to his back.
"You volunteering here is quite ironic, don't you think?"
"That's what I said." He called back to me, not turning around. Aerith bid her farewell to me as Tifa led me down a hallway that was parallel to the one Roxas had gone down. There were many rooms, but she took me to one all the way down the hall. Inside were a handful of kids, though I didn't recognize any of them. Tifa took me to the storage room and handed me an apron.
"You might want to put this on. Don't want to ruin your nice dress." She smiled. I lifted it over my head before I took a manila folder that had the names and information on everyone here. It was just so I could get familiar with them. She explained to me some rules as we stood in the corner. When she was finished, I looked up above the storage room door, and there hung a picture. The girl, who didn't look much older than fifteen, was smiling and holding a few paint brushes. She had black hair that fell just below her ears and bangs similar to how Kairi wore hers. The girls' eyes were a bright blue and she held a gigantic smile on her face.
"Who is that?" I asked, pointing upwards. A pained, but controlled look spread across Tifa's face.
"Xion Greene." The name. I didn't recognize the last name, but I knew the name Xion anywhere. "She helped out a lot when she wasn't busy. It was amazing, since she didn't even live on this island. It's such a shame that she is gone. One of my best helpers."
"Was she?"
"Yeah. She loved art to no end. And when she would come in here, she would always complain about her friends. That boy Roxas, and another, Axel. She would have different stories to tell me about them all the time. They were really close. Such a shame that those boys went down a terrible path after her death." I nodded slowly, looking at her. So this was Xion. "Enough of this topic. Get to work!" She said with a fake angry tone. I laughed and walked out to begin my shift.
"Do you want to take a break and eat?" It had been an hour since I had been there, and it was near dinner time. I had rotated with many different people, and I hadn't been very successful to get kids to paint.
"Sure, Tifa." Another person had taken my stuff and I followed Tifa to the small kitchen that was in the back.
"Sorry if it isn't anything high class. We don't get too much funding." Tifa apologized as she put in a microwaveable pizza.
"It's fine, trust me. Food is food." I sat at the table. As she set the time for fifteen or so minutes, she joined me at the table with some napkins.
"So—Roxas. You friends with him?" She asked suddenly.
I shrugged. "I guess. He irritates me."
"Why?"
"I don't know. He can be nice, and then he infuriates me." I said, not being able to come up with a straight answer.
"Hm—he never used to be like that."
"I don't know. Infuriating jerk." I said the last part out loud, but it was for my own benefit.
"Is that what I am now?" I glanced over to the doorway to see Roxas standing in it, one hand in a pocket, and the other holding his beanie. I nodded, and he shrugged, pulling up a chair to the table.
"Yeah—you are." I glared. Tifa glanced at us two before she stood.
"I have to go get something. I'll be right back." She said before standing. I pouted as I watched her leave me alone in a room with Roxas. Roxas stared out the window as I stared at him.
"Can I ask you something?" I mumbled.
"What is it?" He didn't look away from the window, though.
"Did Xion volunteer here?" His eyes went to me when I spoke that time.
"How did you-?"
"They have a picture of her in the art room." I answered him, not letting him finish. "She was very pretty." I said quietly.
"Yeah, she was. Very pretty." His voice was distant. His eyes then opened wide, like he remembered something. "Did you go into the art studio yet?"
"No." I shook my head. "I didn't think it was right. You should be the first one to go in it. It's special to you, right?"
He looked confused. "But I said you could go in."
"I thought about it, trust me. And I want to. But you should be the first one in there." I placed my hands in my lap, playing with my fingers.
"I see." He coughed. I glanced up at him. "I'm fine."
"I'm truly sorry. It's really sad, you know?" I said my eyes stinging. "She was killed in a car accident, right?" I didn't like the topic of car accidents. The only reason was because of the current dreams I had been having. It was like a memory. It wasn't clear, but I saw two people in the front of the car out of eyes that were small to the world. One moment it was happy, the next there was screaming and pain. I shook my head, trying not to think about it. I was pretty sure that they were my parents. And that it was a car accident. I didn't have the courage to talk to Jean or Sam about it.
"Yeah. Some moron hit her side of the car doing ninety." He told me. "Her parents were okay, though. Minor injuries."
"It's so sad. It isn't fair." Half of me was talking about Xion right there, even though I never met her. But the other side of me was talking about my parents. And I think that is what made a tear fall down my cheek. Roxas's hand reached over and wiped it from my face.
"Why are you crying?" He said with a forced grin. "I'm the one who should be sad."
"Because—no one should have to die that young. And you and Axel shouldn't have had to go through such a loss." I said, looking up at him.
"It's not like I could control it."
"What did you do? When did you find out?" I wanted him to open up to me.
"I was at Kairi's. She, Sora, Ven, Axel, and I were hanging out when I got the call from her mom. I didn't really know what I felt. Axel was in panic, pulling me to the car. I had sort of a moment where my mind went blank while Axel was in panic and sadness. I didn't cry. No—I didn't cry. It wasn't until I had gotten to the hospital. Xion had died a few moments before I arrived there. I was in the room, and Axel was in a chair, sobbing. I don't think I had ever seen him cry. No—never. I stared. I thought to myself, why? What did she do? There was no reason for such a wonderful, amazing girl to be killed.
"I didn't cry until I walked over to her bedside. Just seeing her like that; bloody and hurt. It killed me inside. I haven't been the same Roxas since then. I've lost my perspective on life. I used to be a carefree boy. I loved to take pictures alongside Xion while Axel would hang around and talk to us. I used to have a job, and volunteer here. I used to have friends and be on sports teams. I lost all that. Xion took it all with her that day. I had given up everything to her. She meant everything to me. In a sense, I died with her too. And you know what scares me?"
He stayed silent for a moment. "What?" I asked gently.
"You are so much like her. You remind me of her all the time." I stared, wide eyed into his eyes. "You are so much like her, in fact, that part of me wants to be around you. Like you are Xion. But the smarter part says that you aren't. You are Namine. You have this edge to you that Xion never had. Xion and I were great with each other and were able to be around one another because I wasn't a jackass. I am a bad person now, Namine. I'm stupid." He sighed on the last word.
Roxas stood from his chair, pushing it in and was about to walk out the door before I stood and grabbed his wrist. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him close. It took a few moments, but he allowed himself to hug me back.
"I'm sorry." I said into his chest. I pulled away and looked up at him with a sad smile. "I can see that I remind you of her and it hurts. I'll just go."
"I don't want you to go." He said suddenly.
"What?"
"Just because you remind me of her, doesn't mean I want you to go. As much of a jackass I am to you, I still enjoy being around you. I just—I just try not to show it because I don't want you to get the idea that I'm a nice guy or that we can hang out." He shrugged. "Besides, you obviously don't like hanging around me."
"Roxas—it's not you I don't like being around. It's the stuff that you do. I think you are a great guy when you aren't under the influence. You can talk to me and open up. You can make me feel better when I am sad. Whenever you smoke, you either hate me or act so happy you think you can say whatever you want." I told him. "Isn't there any way that you can deal with your sadness that doesn't involve harming yourself this way?"
"No. I don't want to talk to anyone about it."
"You talk to me."
"I know. Only because I feel like you can understand." He said.
"I do." I said softly.
"Okay, kiddies! Pizza's done!" Tifa ran back in the room, a stack of papers in her hands. She placed them on the table before pulling out the pizza and placing it on the table as well. "Well? Dig in."
"I'm not hungry." Roxas sighed before leaving. I sighed too before pulling a slice of pizza and shoving it in my mouth.
"You're leaving now?" Kairi asked me. It was around eight and the sun had long past set.
"Yeah." I told her, standing outside the rec center. It was a bit chilly so I pulled my sweater tighter around me.
"You are going to walk by yourself?" She asked me, worried.
"I have to." I spoke into the phone. Around here, there weren't many lights and the shuttle was about 10 blocks away. Out of the corner of my vision, Roxas stepped out of the building, lighting a cigarette before he looked at me.
"Want me to walk with you?" He asked from the steps. I stared for a moment before nodding.
"Never mind, Kairi. Roxas said he would walk me there." I said. I heard Kairi sigh in relief.
"Good. Wait—why is he there?"
"I'll explain it tomorrow. Bye." I said, calling into the phone before I hung up. Stuffing it into my bag, I sauntered over to where Roxas stood before crinkling my nose at the smoke.
"Sorry. I'm stressed." He told me, pushing me in the direction of the station. I nodded a bit before walking with him in the darkness. It was a comfortable silence as we walked. That is until loud music started coming towards us. It was a car that pulled up along the side of the road. I could see Axel driving it and another boy poked out his head. He had a really bad mullet.
"Roxas!" Axel called, leaning to see around the other boy. "Hi Namine."
I waved slightly, not feeling so much irritation towards him anymore. "Hi."
"Where are you kiddies walking so late?" The boy with the mullet asked us.
"I'm walking her to the station, Demyx." Roxas answered, letting some smoke out of his mouth.
"Oh? Want a ride? Cause I was going to ask if you wanted to come to my gig."
"Gig?" Roxas asked.
"I'm playing my sitar at the Triangle Club." Demyx answered him. "Want a ride or not?"
Roxas casted a glance at me, and I bit my lip before nodding unsurely. Roxas put an arm around my waist as he led me into the car.
"Don't worry. I won't let anything happen to you." Roxas said to me once we got into the back seat. "Ven would kill me."
To my surprise, Axel drove at the speed limit. I figured that had something to do with Xion. It was a nice ride. Axel and Demyx were joking with each other, and I figured they weren't smoking in the car because of me, because the three of them had put out their cigarettes or whatever before I got in the car. It still had the smell, though.
"Damn." Axel said, and I peeked forward as the car slowed down.
"They should learn not to stand in the middle of the street." Demyx said. When I looked up, more than ten or so people where in the street, laughing at our car.
"What do you expect?" Roxas's deep voice said from next to me. "It's Seifer's gang."
Axel stopped the car and Demyx leaned out the window, half his body going out. "Get out of the way!"
"Make us, assholes!" I heard someone with a hat say.
"I'm about to." Axel mumbled. All of them were now blocking our way. The only way we could get around is if we went backwards or on the sidewalk. And I really needed to get home. The back door opened and I saw Roxas getting out. I tugged on his hand.
"What are you doing?" I hissed.
"I'll be back."
I watched him walk towards the group with his hands in his pockets.
"Like hell I'm letting him out there alone." Axel said, getting out of the car, after he put it in park. Demyx turned around and smiled at me.
"Stay here, Nami. " Demyx nicknamed me as he stepped out and followed Axel. I couldn't pick up on what they were saying, since I was in the car. Axel was shouting something at a tall, blond boy and Demyx pushed away another buff guy. As Axel and Demyx were arguing with other people, Roxas stood his ground, standing alone with another boy. I could barely see his face, though the anger was apparent in his body stance. They exchanged a few choice words, and the next thing I saw was the taller boy's fist flying into Roxas's face. I gasped as Roxas's staggered back, but he never fell. His face was turned towards the ground, though he was now turned towards me. He spit out something on the ground and his eyes looked up at me.
We locked eyes for a moment and then I figured out that it was blood coming out of his mouth. He must have seen the horrified expression on my face. The car light was still on. The boy yelled something to Roxas, but his gaze never left mine. Roxas's fists clenched as he turned around to punch the boy. Just as I was sure he was about to hit him, Roxas's fist never hit the boy's face. Roxas said something to him and spat on his shoes before he straightened up and came to walk back to the car. My hands were at my mouth and my eyes were wide.
Before I could blink, the boy grabbed Roxas from behind and threw him to the ground. At that point I let out a scream as he hit Roxas again. It had broken out into a fight when Demyx and Axel tried to help him. As soon as the boy hit Roxas again, I jumped out of the car and ran to him, screaming.
"Stop it!" I screamed, a hand in my hair. I stopped a few meters before Roxas. I was breathing quickly and my hand clutched my hair tightly. "Stop hurting him!"
Roxas took the guys' moment of distraction to push him off and jump up. Roxas's lip was busted, blood flowing out of it.
"Who the hell are you? Get out of here, pretty girl." He said to me, which made me shake even more.
"You don't talk to her like that." Roxas growled. "We will settle this later." Roxas glared, and then walked over to me, turning me around and leading me back to the car. Axel and Demyx stayed out of the car while they exchanged harsh words with the other gang. I sat in the back seat with Roxas and I couldn't help but look distressed when I saw his face. He was bleeding and I tried to wipe away some of the blood with my finger.
"You need to get home and clean up before that gets infected." I said through my heavy breaths. He shook his head, pulling my hand down.
"I'm fine. You need to get home." He said as Axel and Demyx walked back to the car.
"I can be late. I want to make sure you get home." I said sternly. "Axel—take us to Roxas's."
"No." Roxas said, glaring at Axel.
"Yes." I yelled.
"Sorry, Roku. She's right. You are bleeding from the head too." He pointed. I hadn't even noticed it. Roxas sighed and let his head fall back. Roxas's house was even farther from the station but I didn't care. I had calls coming in from Jean, but I didn't answer, so I shut off my phone. I'd tell her that there was a fight going on and I had to walk the long way around. And then I would make up something about missing my shuttle because of it.
Roxas's house stood perfectly quaint like last time. His house light was on up on his floor. Roxas climbed out of the car in irritation as I followed, giving my thanks to Axel. I ran a hand under my eyes when we walked into the front door. I didn't notice all my black makeup had smeared.
"Were you crying?" He asked me as we walked up the stairs.
"I guess." I didn't even notice. "At least I'm not bleeding."
"This is nothing." He said, wiping some blood from his forehead.
"I'll give you nothing!" I shouted as I walked into his door. My outburst caused Ventus and Aerith to look near the door.
"Roku! Oh my god!" Aerith said. "I'll get the first aid kit! Sit down!" Roxas groaned but complied and sat down in the shag colored chair near the couch. My dress was now dirty and had slight blood marks from my hands. I walked over to where Ventus was sitting and sat down next to him, sighing.
"What the hell happened? Why are you with Roxas? And why is he hurt?"
"We volunteer at the same place. And I was going to go home. He was making sure nothing happened since I was going to walk alone. And then—stuff." I said. I didn't feel like explaining it. Ventus pulled me to his side and didn't lean into it, but I didn't pull away either.
Roxas eyes were set on me.
Edited December 2013.