Do Not Go Gentle

Chapter 9: Hanging Out Featuring the Valar

"You're not supposed to be here."

It was like the Mist pulled back from whoever had spoken, and slowly revealed familiar faces in the distance. They were across a river, one that I didn't feel too comfortable being by. In fact, the last time I was here I was nearly burned alive in these waters.

The River Styx.

"Why did you do that, Persie?"

My eyes snapped to the slowly clearing face across the river.

"Why did you try to kill yourself?"

I barely held in the gasp that threatened to escape. I haven't seen this face, scar and all, in years.

"Luke?"

A toothy grin greeted me like an old friend. "Hey, Persephone."

"What is this?"

His smile turned sad as his blue eyes turned downward with something dark swirling in their depths. His scar was the same white line that I remembered, from the top of his brow to the bottom of his cheek.

But there was something different about him. There was a white aura that surrounded his body, and it was currently also surrounding me.

"You're dead."

I blinked. "Wait, what?"

Luke nodded, shifting on his feet awkwardly. "Yeah, uh, I've never actually had to do this before, but you're dead, Seph."

"As in dead-dead?"

He nodded. "You did try to kill yourself, so yeah. You succeeded I guess."

I ran my hands down my face, and instead of feeling the calloused hands I felt a strange tingling down my face and into my palms.

Trippy.

"I'm actually dead?"

Luke pursed his lips. "Well, not completely, considering you haven't crossed the River Styx. Souls who cross cannot go back."

"Go back?"

He shrugged. "You're dead, yeah, but that can be altered." He looked at my slight frown and quickly amended, "But that can be changed if you pass through the river."

I eyed the silent stream that passed between us. "I really don't want to swim in that thing again."

Luke let out a laugh. "Don't worry, you won't feel it."

I took a deep breath, readying myself to take the jump. There was a pit in the bottom of my stomach that was telling me to wait, to stop and think about this, but all I could think about was being with my friends and family again.

A voice suddenly came from behind me. "Persephone, please wait."

I turned and stopped. I was in complete awe at who was in front of me.

The woman standing there looked like the goddess of both the night and light all in one. Her hair was as dark as the pit itself, but inside its darkness were twinkling stars that I knew were probably from the night sky themselves. Her skin was porcelain and seemed to elicit a glow that no human could ever create.

Even her voice sounded divine. "I wish we did not meet like this," the woman admitted, as she glided toward me. Her white dress twinkled from some hidden light source that seemed to come from within.

"Uh… who are you?"

The smile she responded with was positively blinding. She was far more beautiful than Aphrodite herself, instead of imitating desire, she becomes it completely. "I am Varda."

"Who?"

She let out a soft giggle. "I am the Queen of the Valar, dear child. It was my husband, Manwë, and I who allowed you to venture between worlds."

I let out a soft curse underneath my breath. "I'm sorry, Queen Varda, for not realizing who you are. From what I've learned you are one of the greatest Queens in any world I've heard of."

Varda approached a little closer with a deep look of love on her face. "I am grateful for that sentiment, Persephone," her smile turned downward slightly as her eyes, purple and blue in color, shifted. "Although I wept for you when you had made the decision to end your life." Her hand reached out to softly caress my cheek. It felt whole. "I wish you never have felt such pain."

I swallowed loudly. "I wish it hadn't come to that either, Queen Varda."

A single finger perched on her chin, as her eyes twinkled with delight. "Would you be willing to give life a second chance?"

"Huh?"

"You needn't die, Persephone. Your destiny is far greater than anything you will ever imagine." At my wince at the word destiny, she quickly followed, "Yes, there will be failures, of course, there will be. That is the beauty of life, my dear. You can fall, but you can always rise again."

A wave of visions swept over me.

The grip of my hand in Annabeth's. The feeling of desperation as I clawed at the side of the pit. The knowledge of what needed to be done. The sacrifice I made for my friend.

Fall.

The fall into Tartarus.

A descent into Hell.

Varda looked down on upon me in sympathy. "Your time in Tartarus broke you, Persephone. It is amazing how you have been able to live so long as a broken woman."

She pressed her hands in mine, like a grip of life.

"Now it is time to live as whole once more."

Live.

I wanted to live.

I had hope. Hope for a better future. Something that I could become and attain.

"I… I want to live."

At the sound of my voice, Varda only smiled down on me once more. "I know, dear one. You never really wanted to die, after all. You only wanted the chance to rise again."

I immediately turned to see Luke, at least one more time, but he was gone. My chest hurt a little, but I knew that I could get through it. I had hope.

I had a light. Varda, like a light in the flesh, was guiding me from the path of darkness.

"As we speak, Lord Elrond is healing you. You will live, yes, but you will soon undergo unimaginable pain." My eyes widened. That was so not something I wanted to hear. "However, you will soon discover just why the pain is worth your while. Not yet, but soon."

"Wait—you can't just tell me that I'm facing pain and doom and stuff and then tell me that I'll one day know why it's worth it. What if it's not."

"I cannot reveal the future to you, child, no matter how tempting it might be. But alas, do not be afraid. Good will always triumph over evil, and it will be you who will make sure of it."

I groaned. "But that doesn't make sense. Do you immortals ever make sense?"

She clasped her hands in front of her diplomatically. "How do you know I make sense if it is the future of which I speak?"

"Exactly my point!"

"Then why should you expect me to be completely sensical?"

I shrugged. "Well, you are a goddess, so I'd expect a little more effort from someone as old as yourself."

I stopped.

I replayed what I said in my head.

Persephone, do you want to get yourself killed?

My inner nerd pounded her head against the wall.

I didn't dare look up at the goddess in question, but I didn't try to run away either. It's like I could get away if I tried.

"Uh… sorry I called you old."

A giggle sounded that made me look up in shock. Her hands were tightly wrapped on her mouth as if she were trying not to laugh.

"Did I offend you?"

An elegant hand waved my worries away, as she quickly restrained her laughter and became the glowing goddess that she always seemed to be. "It is quite refreshing to talk with one such as yourself, Persephone."

I tilted my head slightly. "So, you're not offended?"

As she shook her head, her hair flowed along with her, pulling me into a deep trance. "Of course not, darling. If I were always offended by trifle things, some which are true, then my life would be a terrible existence."

I raised my eyebrows. "Do you think you could somehow tell that to the gods of this realm because they could use a few pointers about having a decent attitude."

Her loud laugh made me jump. "I will see what I can do."

I pumped a fist into the air. "Finally, someone who can make those bastards listen!" Thunder sounded throughout the cavern. "Uh… can we get outta here before my dear, dear uncle Zeus decides to zap me?"

Varda grinned. "You are only a soul; it would not affect you."

"Trust me, the god of spark plugs would certainly find a way."

She nodded. "Yes, I will bring us back to Middle Earth." She gripped my hands. "Close your eyes, child. Us Valar have the same effects in our true forms as your gods do."

"Thanks for the heads up," I said, closing my eyes quickly. I definitely did not want my eyes burnt out, thank you very much. It would be difficult to save the world while blind.

I could probably do it, but it'd be more work and I'm a lazy potato.

"Take care, dear Persephone. I will be watching, and I will be with you always."

The world fell away.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The first thing I could notice through the shifting dark was a few different voices.

"Persie? Oh, Ada, will she ever wake?" the sadness that echoed from this maiden's voice threatened to pull me back under.

"Have faith, Iell. All will be well." A man. An older man, with knowledge. A father.

"Is there still no change?" A different male. Deeper, far more cutting and crisper than the others. The sound felt like it rattled my bones.

"None," the first man spoke again.

Darkness kept licking its way at my seams, desperate to try and take me under. But I didn't want to go back into the dark. I wanted to wake up. I wanted to see the light.

I tried harder.

"Do you know what caused her… accident to take place?" the second male asked. The light that came with his sound rang through me, like the lighting of a cold forge.

Keep speaking, I silently begged. Keep giving me light.

"I am uncertain, however…" the first male trailed off.

"What is it?" the maiden fearfully asked.

"It is the darkness that surrounds her that worries me, mellon. It is her past that is killing her from the inside, and that is something that only she can face."

Only me.

Am I alone?

"She is not alone in her struggle," the second male spoke strongly through the dark. "Many have suffered as she has, and they have found the light once more. We must help her do the same."

"Of course, we will, mellon," the first male quickly replied, with a shocked tone ringing through his words. "However, we cannot fight her demons for her. Those will need to be conquered within herself."

"But we can support her," the maiden said. "We will support her."

I am not alone.

I will beat this.

I am not alone.

"Indeed, Iell. We will do everything necessary to make her well once more."

"She will not be alone," the second male repeated, though much softer this time.

It was like a beacon of light had shone through the darkness. I started to crawl toward it, trying to reach for the way out—my saving grace. I could do this.

I could beat this.

"It is getting rather late. Would you escort my daughter to her chambers, mellon?"

Shuffling.

"Of course, my Lord. Come with me, Lady Arwen. I will see you safe to your quarters."

"Let me know if anything changes, Ada."

"Of course."

I could feel the light slowly fade away from my fingers as Arwen and the other man disappeared from my reach.

I was so close.

Feeling started to regenerate throughout my body. I could feel my back lying against something soft, and my head resting upon a plush pillow. There was a silk sheet that was blanketing me, and my forearms were wrapped tightly.

I wiggled my fingers, then my toes.

A gasp rang out in the hall.

"Lady Persephone, can you hear me?"

"El-Elrond?"

A choked laugh escaped the elf, as my eyes cracked open to see the grin that was plain as day on his face.

How many times has he smiled so openly?

"I am glad to see you are alright, Persephone. You gave us all quite the scare."

I gave myself a scare too.

Lord Elrond seemed to notice my reluctance to speak and decided to grab me a glass of water. As he handed it to me, I gulped it down greedily.

"Are you feeling alright?"

I smiled at the hesitant lord, whose eyes flickered between my wrists and my face like he was watching a tennis match.

"I am fine, Lord Elrond."

His brows creased. "You were not quite fine before…"

A smile came upon my face, as the voice of the true Queen rang through my ears. "It is different now, Milord."

The Elf Lord seemed even more confused than he had before. Instead of openly laughing at him, which probably would take more energy than I currently had, I explained.

"I fought the darkness," I explained, and watched as his dark brown eyes widened in realization. "I fought the darkness, and I won."

"You won?"

I grinned. "I won."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Note: Just because she won, doesn't mean the darkness is gone forever. Like in real life, her mental illness is a constant battle, fought every day. And this day, she won. She didn't let it consume her.

For everyone currently battling their own mental illness(es), please give yourselves a pat on the back. You've fought an won another day. Keep it up :)

If you ever need to talk, I always have open ears.

Thanks for reading,

Ally.