It's in the Genes

Author: Cheryl W.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or any rights to Dark Angel or Supernatural, nor am I making any profit from this story.

Summary: Crossover with DA and Supernatural -AU– It's the Winchesters who break Alec from jail in Hello/Goodbye and then they start road tripping together. No slash.

Author's Notes: This is like a mini chapter but I've rewritten this angsty conversation so many times that I just had to post it or scrap it for another month or twenty. I really tried to figure out how each character would respond and then I found out I really didn't know. Hope the conversation doesn't come across too OOC.

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Chapter 10

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"What did you mean when you told White nothing was going to save you, that you would be dead in a few months?" Alec lowly asked.

Dean froze, the question stripping him bare of his barriers, his fortifications, his contingencies in case the worst happened, in case this happened: Alec finding out, Alec looking at him like he was right then, like he was destroying him from the inside out. The way Sam looked at him when he tried to be glib, tried to downplay his fate, tried to tell Sam he would be fine without him. He hadn't been able to spare Sam that pain but he had wanted to spare Alec. Had wanted to and had failed…like he had everything else lately. "You overheard that, huh?" he asked with a weak smirk even as he contemplated lying to Alec, keeping his secret longer…until it was May 2nd, until he was gone and there was nothing Alec could do, could hopelessly try to do to change his fate.

Praying that Dean's first response would be a denial, that he had misread his big brother's expression, Alec drew in a shaky breath at Dean's somber question, felt his hand tremble on the helicopter's joystick. "Dean, what's wrong? Are you sick?" Before Dean could answer, words rushed from Alec, coated in hope, in optimism. "I have nanobots in my DNA that can fight disease, repair damaged cell and regenerate healthy cells…I can give you a blood transfusion…we can track down a Manticore doctor.."

Dean hated the hope in Alec's words, cruelly snuffed it out before it spread like the worst disease known to the soul. "I'm not sick, Alec," he stated, left no room for misinterpretation, kept his eyes on Alec, watched as confusion gathered in the younger man's features. 'I don't want to do this!' screamed through him and then he looked away before Alec could read his despair, could watch him falter, know how badly this hurt, leaving…going.

Before Dean looked away, Alec saw it, the apology, the despair, the hopelessness…the goodbye. And he railed against it, all of it, any of it. "Pardon me but I slept through Manticore's mind reading class. You're going to have to spell it out for me, Dean. If you're not sick then why do you think you will be dead in a few months?!" Seeing Dean stiffen at his demand but not face him, Alec fell back onto his smart aleck defense mechanisms, but acid dripped from his mocking questions, "You sign up for a kamikaze mission I don't know about? You been taking a Samurai class and what? The Seppuku final exam is fast approaching?"

Unexpectedly, Dean found himself snorting at Alec's comeback. Crap, it was like having an argument with himself, understood, for the first time, why Sam always got so pissed at him for his offhanded snarkiness. Turning to Alec, he expected the transgenic's emotionless mask to be in place, was blindsided by the vulnerability in Alec's face, the fear telegraphed in his eyes. Understood Alec's last defense had been his smart mouth, that all his other barriers were decimated, had been weakened by him, by his decision to let the younger man into his life, into his family. 'Left him in and now all I'm going to do is hurt him. What a bastard I am to have for an older brother.' "You sure know how to ruin a victory party. Have you been taking lessons from Sam?" he parried back sullenly, wanting to delay the inevitable, wishing he could pull one more deflection out of his hat and get back to Terminal City, grab Sam, say a nonchalant goodbye to Alec and ride off into the sunset. To leave one truth unsaid between them.

"Dean, please…" Alec entreated, was too overwhelmed by need, by dread to feel shame that his voice cracked, that he was begging Dean.

Dean swallowed hard when Alec's voice broke, when the young man that could bench press a small car looked so close to crying, to breaking down, because of him. "All I ever do is hurt the people I love," he murmured, surprising himself by speaking the admission aloud. Rubbing his hand over his mouth, he shook his head. "I should have never gotten you involved with us…with me. I should have let you go after we got you out of jail but…" Dean felt himself break, bit his lip a moment, gave Alec a hit and run, his face marred with self-hatred. "Letting go…it's not what I'm good at."

Watching Alec draw in a breath, ready to press the issue, to defend him, to force a confession from him, Dean spoke before Alec could, needed to explain, to make sure Alec understood fully what he had done…why he had done it, why he would do it all over again for Sam…would do it for Alec. "Where two roads intersect, you can do a ritual, make a pact. For what you want most....for what you're willing to give up your soul to get."

Everything stopped for Alec, his breathing, his heartbeat, his ability to hear the sound of the helicopter blades. His words came out in a breathless, imploring whisper, "No, you wouldn't, you didn't!" Wanting to misunderstand, to be wrong, to forget the small passage he had read from one of the books he had pulled from Sam's slack grasp when sleep had overtaken the younger Winchester.

Dean shrugged, like Alec's revulsion at his defection didn't matter, like he didn't know the unholy cost of his decision, couldn't read the pain in Sam's eye, the sick denial in Alec's horrified expression. "I made a deal and it comes due in May," he bluntly announced, refused to let regret or an apology or fear filter into his voice, taint the sacrifice he willingly…even eagerly made for his brother.

Whatever truth Alec had braced himself for, it wasn't this, wasn't this insidious, wasn't this devastating, this hopeless. "No, you don't barter with evil. I know you, Dean! You're not like me!"

"When you told me how you bargained with White to be free…. I told you then that I understood making deals," Dean reminded gently, not wanting to put one ounce of condemnation on Alec for his choices, for finding a way to survive, to be alive so that he could find him, have another little brother..if only for too short a time.

"But we're not just talking dying, we're talking about condemning your soul?!? What could be worth that?! Nothing could be worth that!?" Alec roared, furious beyond measure at Dean, at a decision he would never condone. Ever.

Not flinching away, Dean met Alec's angry, confused gaze head on, spoke softly but resolutely. "Sam. Sam's worth that…to me. He died in my arms, Alec. Sam died in my arms." Watching Alec's face morph into disbelief and horror and sorrow and bitter realization did nothing to make speaking the next words any easier. "I made the pact to get Sam back and I don't regret that, Alec. No matter what Sam thinks, I won't ever regret that."

Alec felt all his denials dissolve. It made horrible sense. Dean would do this for Sam, would value Sam's life over his soul. Would die…would condemn his soul for love. Had done it…would do it all over again given the chance. Alec looked away, had to, couldn't stand the beseeching look in Dean's eyes for his understanding, his forgiveness. Instead his eyes dropped to the road below to track the Impala as it made its progress to TC, to Sam, who, in his own way, had tried to warn him, to prepare him for this moment.

Now all of Sam's reactions, his emotions, his pain…it all made sense to Alec, bitterly. Watching as Sam pulled the Impala into the relative safety of an abandon garage a few blocks from TC, knowing that his brother was in the clear, Alec abandoned the remnants of his soldier demeanor, allowed himself to slip back into a role that had become second nature…heck, had become first nature during his months with the Winchesters: being a little brother, being Dean Winchester's little brother.

With a breathless whisper Alec scathingly demanded, "And you expected Sam to thank you for that? For a sacrifice he would have never wanted you to make…not for him, not for anyone," he finished his eyes coming up to slam into Dean's, rage, condemnation and despair shadowing their depths.

Dean gave a watery smile, "Actually I planned on Sam never finding out…"

"Until he hears the hell hounds coming for you," Alec bitterly snapped, wishing both that he had read less of Sam's book on crossroads and wishing he had read more.

"Only the condemned hear the hounds…or see them," Dean clarified evenly, detachedly, like it was simply another supernatural tidbit he was teaching to a new hunter.

"Well sorry, you're going to have to pass on that experience," Alec growled, a lethalness in his tone that matched the ferociousness in his eyes as they bore into Dean. "Sam and I, we're undoing your dumbbehind pact. And you're going to help us, Dean."

"You can't fix this, Alec! There are rules…It has to play out or Sam will die. He'll die again, Alec," Dean said, his voice shifting from determination to a plea. It was no victory to see Alec's tenacious grip on hope fail, to see Alec's face crumble with desolation…with defeat.

Numbly Alec turned away, blindly sent the helicopter on a heading for Terminal City's fence line. Wished, in that moment, that he had never left Manticore, that he had never met the Winchesters, never knew what it was like to love someone as much as he loved his brothers.

"It's almost funny, right? Sammy's the one who's been all worried about going dark side and it ends up that it's me who's going to be pinch hitting for the other team," Dean scoffed, the words just seeping from him, knowing in his gut that Alec, of all people, could understand what it was like to be confused about what was right and wrong, about bearing the consequences for playing in the fields of both extremes. "Crap, my Dad should have been whispering in Sammy's ear on his death bed instead of mine. I'm the one that can't be saved, that should be put down. Course my using the Colt on myself would forfeit the deal and Sam would die..but maybe you or Sam could….."

"It wouldn't come to that," Alec barked, leveling a look at Dean, daring him to protest, to question his resolve. "We will stop this."

Dean didn't make a reply, knew it would do no good, instead he looked away to Terminal City.

But Alec found Dean's silence worse than a protest, like he was surrendering already, before the battle had even been waged. "You've been saying goodbye to Sam this whole time I've been with you, haven't you?" his words sad instead of bitter. "Preparing him for when you're going to be gone. And I never really saw it, never understood what Sam meant when he said sometimes people leave not because they don't love you but because they do." Dean wouldn't look at him but Alec saw the clench in his brother's jaw. "You're going to leave Sam…just like he said you would. And you're going to leave me…like I thought you never would."

Unable to let those words roll off of him, Dean turned to Alec, saw how his betrayal contorted the younger man's features. "I am sorry I'm leaving so soon, Alec, I really am," he solemnly apologized, meant it with all of his heart, because, he had come to terms with going but not with who he was leaving behind.

"Don't say you're sorry!" Alec roared, eyes searing into Dean's. "Don't tell me what you've been telling Sam, that I have to let you go!"

Quietly, Dean asked even as he knew no words could undo the hurt he had inflicted on Alec, "Then what do you want me to say, Alec? If I break the deal, Sam will die and that's just not happening."

Alec shook his head, smirked but it was a travesty on his sorrow drenched features, "I keep making the same mistakes. With Rachel, with you. Thinking that if I dared to care about someone they would stay with me, would have to stay with me, that life wouldn't be cruel enough to take away who I love…not twice," his voice cracking on the last two words.

Remorse saturated Dean, remorse that he was hurting the people he loved, that he had let Alec get this close to him, that he hadn't left before he had been backed into this confession. "You're not losing Sam. You and Sam will have each other and you'll see that you're fine without me. But I would be lying if I said I didn't wish that I could stick around to see you win equal rights for you and your Manticore alumni," he said with a true smile, proud of Alec, wanting his little brother to know that, to know he wanted a good life for him "And to see you and Max have little transgenics running around, terrorizing all …"

Alec's gave a choked, heartbreaking laugh. "How can you be so blind?! Sam's broken now, just thinking about you leaving. And me, I've just found you and now I'm supposed to let you go like you mean nothing to me?! You made me think we were family! Were brothers!"

"We are brothers!" Dean thundered back, angry that his loyalty, his love for Alec was in question.

"Well when I dreamed about having a big brother, I thought he would be someone who wouldn't leave, who would protect me, who wouldn't just lie down and die…not when he knew I needed him," Alec shot back, mercilessly watching Dean flinch at his words. "That's the big brother I want, that's the big brother I thought I had finally found."

Tearing his look from Alec, Dean returned, his voice raw, "Well I guess you were wrong."

At Dean's reply, Alec clamped his eyes shut, felt his tears slip free anyway, felt his emotions ready to do the same. This just couldn't be happening, couldn't be happening again to him. Knowing how futile it was to wish to undo the past, to unmake bad decisions, he resolutely opened his eyes, wiped his tears away and flew the helicopter into Terminal City. But as the helicopter skids touched ground, he felt the desire to wound Dean like he had been wounded, to make Dean believe that he wished to undo the past, that he would sacrifice any happiness that he had found with Dean and Sam just so he wouldn't have to feel this agonizing grief.

Without looking to Dean, Alec growled out, "I wish I had never met you." Not brave enough or cruel enough to see the effect his words had on the older man, he slid from the helicopter, didn't hear Dean's remorseful words.

"Yeah, I get that a lot," Dean mumbled as he watched Alec walk from the helicopter, from him. Sat there as Alec pushed through the gathering crowd, watched him skitter away from Max's touch…her presence. Knew that Alec would refortify his wall, would cut off Max, and Joshua and Sam, would cut himself off from caring again, would do it because of him, because of his failures and his choices. Would do it because, no matter what, they were brothers, there was a connection between them and they couldn't change that, not now, not anymore.

'Yeah, well, love sucks and being a Winchester sucks even worse, kiddo. You'll get used to it,' Dean thought. But he knew that, when he was gone, Alec wouldn't ever turn his back on Sam, that his brothers would tighten up their ranks, would be a unified front against anything the world threw at them. That, no matter what Sam and Alec thought, they could soldier on without him. It was just what Winchesters did, whether they wanted to or not.

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TBC

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Again, I'm sorry this was so short and maybe I should apologize for the angst..and the whole content of the chapter….It certainly makes me appreciate the true SN writers more…they make these emotional scenes seen so seemless….or is that Jensen and Jared doing that? Actually, I say it is the gorgeous men. Those boys can certainly act!!

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews from last chapter?!?!? I am still in happy awe that you're enjoying this story?!

Have a wonderful day!

Cheryl W.