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CHAPTER 10: Dangler

The first thing I did when I got home from school was change into jeans and a pullover. I wanted to get rid of the strangling tie, the pinching shoes, and my good pants as soon as possible. I rushed through it, because the second thing I did was call Bella. I could hardly wait to finalize the plans for our date.

"I'll pick you up at seven-thirty? Does that sound okay?" I asked.

"It sounds perfect," she said, and then paused. "Do you, um, want to meet my dad? He's home tonight, and I'm not sure he'll let me out of the house without meeting you."

I thought quickly. Bella didn't know I'd met her father already, in more of an official capacity than personal. There was Emmett, of course, though the instances where Chief Swan had been involved were more funny instead of serious. Most had to do with him making sure Em and Rosalie weren't violating any indecent exposure or public lewdness statutes, but there was another incident that didn't involve my brother at all – an incident that occurred my freshman year. I wasn't sure if I should tell Bella about it, or even if I could tell Bella about it. I didn't like to think of it at all if I could help it. I'd been witness to an act of violence that had been pretty horrifying, and although nothing had ended up coming from it, no trial or court case, it had left an indelible impression.

I'd been at an away game in Port Angeles, and had gone to get something to eat with Jasper and a couple of other guys from the team before we had to get back to the bus to return to Forks. We'd taken a shortcut through an alley and had come across a kid beating the shit out of a girl. I'd jumped on him instinctively, with no thought other than getting him to stop, while the other guys had helped the girl and called the police. It had been a sickening experience and one that I'd never forget. We'd dealt mostly with Chief Taylor of the Port Angeles Police Department, but Chief Swan had been involved because the girl had been from Forks. I didn't know if he'd say anything, allude to having met me in relation to the incident, but I knew Bella most likely had no knowledge of the event. I figured I'd follow his lead and see how he chose to handle it.

"Sure. It's no big deal, Bella."

"Seriously?" Her voice was amused. "You do know he's the Chief of Police, right?"

"Hard to miss in a town this size," I said dryly. "I'll be on my best behavior, I promise."

"It's not you I'm worried about," I thought I heard her mutter.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing." She gave a little nervous laugh, and I wondered what the hell she was thinking. "Okay. I'll see you at seven-thirty."

"Seven-thirty," I confirmed. "See you then."

I hit the end button and flopped back on my bed. I felt a surge of satisfaction that things seemed to finally be heading in the right direction. I wondered if she'd be willing to let me kiss her later. I'd wanted to kiss her for months, but it was probably too soon. I didn't think it was too soon but…it probably was. We'd see. I was done wasting time. I was sure about my feelings for Bella, and I was fairly sure about her feelings for me. I didn't know exactly how deep hers ran at that point, but I knew they were there. I was determined I'd get to know more about a lot of things, like how soft her mouth was and how she tasted. It had been a long time since I'd kissed a girl, and I'd missed it. It had been even longer since I'd really anticipated a kiss – like edge of your seat, nervous and jittery, belly swooping, tight-chested, lip tingling anticipated. I could hardly wait.

I eventually went downstairs to the kitchen, my stomach telling me it was close to dinnertime. Dad was home and making dinner – hamburgers out on the grill, his homemade French fries, and coleslaw. I was anxious and excited, waiting for it to be seven-thirty, so I didn't eat as much as I normally did. I told my dad to only make me two burgers. He looked at me in surprise.

"Are you going out to eat later?" he asked, eyeing me speculatively, probably checking to see if I looked sick or something.

"No. Well, yes." I filled my plate and settled down to eat.

Mom glanced at me. "Are you going out with the guys?"

"No." I knew there was no way she'd let it go at that, and I was right.

"Who are you going out with?" She passed me more fries.

"Um…" I knew there was no way to get around telling them. "Uh…I'm going out with Bella Swan."

Dad glanced up, but just smiled and continued eating when I briefly met his gaze. Mom paused, her fork halfway to her mouth. "Going out, as in going out? Or are you all going together?"

I almost choked on my burger. Even my mom was aware of the weird going-out-but-not-quite-dating thing we had going on the past couple of months. I swallowed carefully, wiping my mouth to buy some time as I realized exactly how pitiful my romantic life really was.

"I asked her out." I tried to keep the defensiveness out of my voice, but was only partially successful. "We're going out on a date tonight. I asked her out on a date, and she said yes."

Satisfaction once again filled me. I'd never get tired of saying it. I saw them exchange a quick look before they went back to eating.

"Where are you going?" Mom asked casually.

"Just to The Diner to get dessert or something. I've got to head to the arena later, so I'm not sure what we'll do after, if anything." They knew my pre-game ritual of communing with the Hockey Gods whenever I had a game. I preferred to do it the night before if I had the chance. It gave me an opportunity to review things in my head one last time – where I was mentally and physically and to go over my strategy and the game plan, just centering and preparing myself.

I finished eating and went upstairs to get ready. I checked to see if I had gotten any food on me, glad to see I was stain free. I ran some product and water through my hair, shrugging when it was as futile as always. I had my dad's thick hair and my mom's uncontrollable waves. I also had the Cullen men's beard. I rubbed my jaw, decided it was acceptable, and went to get the girl.

I couldn't understand why that short walk from the car to the front door for that first date was so scary, nerve wracking, and stomach dropping. The hard part was over – the part where I'd asked her to go out with me, risking rejection and ridicule. By the time I was at her house and approaching the door she'd already said yes, so why did that walk make me so friggin' nervous? I jogged up the short flight of steps that led to the covered porch sheltering the front door. I straightened my black leather jacket, ran my hands through my hair one last time, and rang the bell.

I realized my heart was pounding and my breathing was a little accelerated. I made a concentrated effort to calm myself, shoving my hands into my pockets and then removing them nervously. I only had time for a couple of deep breaths before the door opened, and Bella stood framed in the entrance. Her big, dark eyes met mine – wide, wondering, happy, admiring – and I fell. I felt lightheaded; my head looped, my stomach plummeted down to my feet and then shot up into my throat. I tingled everywhere, like I'd been taken apart and put back together. It was a complete "beam me up Scotty" moment, and when I came back together, I realized I was in love with Bella Swan. In love, in love, not just teenage hormones or a superficial physical attraction. I'd gotten to know her, the real her, over the past couple of months. I'd had a chance to let that initial physical attraction grow, and I knew without a doubt what I felt in that instant. I'd become a victim to my family's predilection of falling in love young but forever, and I couldn't have been happier.

A contented calm filled me, dispelling all of my previous nervousness. I smiled down at her and noticed her breathing had gotten a little uneven. I hoped it meant what I thought it did, that she felt the same wave of crazy feelings. I knew I couldn't just blurt out the fact I was completely in love with her as it would probably send her running. If I weren't so certain of it, I'd be running myself. I mean, I hadn't even kissed her, held her, or touched her. I'd never had any sort of real intimate physical contact with her at all. To think I was in love with her was crazy.

But I was.

Crazy. And in love.

"Hey, Bella," I said, smiling, wanting to reach out and touch her, but I didn't. I knew her dad had to be somewhere close by, and he had a gun. I didn't trust myself in that moment. If I touched her, I didn't think I'd be able to stop.

She invited me in, and I looked around curiously. The house was a lot like her – warm, comfortable, and it smelled fantastic. My eyes settled on her, like they always did when she was near. She looked beautiful. I started to tell her, but she moved past me with a soft smile, leading me into the family room. Her dad was sitting in a worn, comfortable-looking chair in front of the television set. He didn't get up, and the calm that had been with me since I rang the bell wavered. He just gave me a level, serious not-quite glare. It was a pretty effective way of letting me know that while I might be in the house, he was reserving judgment on my welcome. I hoped I could perfect that look by the time I had daughters.

Bella introduced us, and I hesitated for the briefest second, waiting to see if he would acknowledge meeting me after the attack on the girl a couple of years before. He stood, and I walked over to him, extending my hand.

"Hello, Chief Swan."

"Edward." He gave my hand a good, firm shake and then dropped it, keeping me pinned under his gaze.

I wondered if Bella was ready to go or if I should prepare myself to sit under her dad's scrutiny for a while, but I didn't dare break his stare to find out. It felt like a test of some sort, and while I had no idea what the rules were in this game, I was determined to do my best. It wasn't until she came up next to me that I finally turned my attention to her, helping her on with the jacket she picked up off the back of the sofa. Chief Swan asked where we were going, and I gave her a private smile as I explained we were going to The Diner to get some ice cream. This seemed to appease him. He watched in silence as Bella tried to herd me toward the front door.

"So, Edward." Chief Swan's voice stopped us in our tracks, and amusement filled me when Bella squeezed her eyes shut in frustration, grimacing. She opened them to look at me apologetically, and I sent her a reassuring wink, the only thing I could do without him seeing. "How's your brother?"

My brother? I knew Chief Swan was something of a football fan, but I couldn't imagine he wanted to have a chat about my brother's stats at that particular moment. I turned to him, knowing my face showed my confusion.

"Fine," I said slowly, trying to figure out why in the world he would be asking about Emmett. "Doing well, last we heard from him."

"And Rosalie?" He arched a brow and gave me a meaningful look. I just wished I knew what it meant. "Is he still seeing her?"

Rosalie? Why would Chief Swan be asking about Emmett and…Rosalie. Oh. Emmett and Rosalie. If anyone knew the crazy things those two had gotten up to during their teenage years, it was certainly Chief Swan. He'd caught them and brought them home more times than anyone cared to remember, usually missing various articles of clothing.

"Uh, yes, he is."

"Hmm. Well." His smile grew smug as he saw I realized what he was getting at. He sent a deliberate look toward his daughter, and when his penetrating eyes met mine, I had no trouble reading their meaning. "You planning on following in his footsteps?"

I knew the Chief was an extremely smart man, but I had underestimated his cleverness and sense of humor. I wouldn't make that mistake again. I knew my face was heating with embarrassment, and while I hoped he didn't know how badly I wanted to get indecent with his daughter, his pointed comments made me think it was a futile wish.

"Chief Swan." I tried to moderate the grin that spread across my face. I didn't want him to think I wasn't taking his warning seriously. As obscure and humorous as it was, it was still a warning. "I don't think it's humanly possible for anyone to follow in Emmett's footsteps."

He stifled a laugh, and I felt as though I had at least held my own while acknowledging and respecting his admonition.

"You two be careful," he said, and I knew that was as close as he would come to giving me his blessing to date his daughter. I was just glad he was giving me a chance and not holding Emmett's unique brand of crazy against me.

I could tell Bella was a little embarrassed and a lot confused as she finally pushed me out of the house. I escorted her to the passenger side of the car, making sure she was securely and safely seated inside before shutting the door and rounding the hood to get behind the wheel. I couldn't help a totally inappropriate but undeniable surge of satisfaction that I had Bella in my car, and all to myself, for the next few hours. It was probably kind of stalkerish-creepy and completely possessive, and so not politically correct, but…I didn't care, not even a little. I finally had my girl.

She asked me what her dad had been talking about, irritated that it went over her head. I'm sure she had heard all the rumors about my brother, his girlfriend, and their escapades. Some weren't true, of course, and had been blown way out of proportion, but most, well…hadn't.

"Let's just say Emmett and Rosalie would have had a lot more indecent exposure charges on their records if it wasn't for your dad. Probably a lot more than anyone cares to think about."

"Indecent exposure charges?" She frowned in confusion, but then a blush crept across her cheeks, which made me have to casually adjust myself in my seat. I could tell that she had finally made the connection.

"It was a pretty good way of making a point. I have to hand it to him. Very subtle, but he got the message across." I smiled as I remembered the look on her dad's face when he gave me the understated warning. "Emmett is a very...enthusiastic person. About pretty much everything, but especially sex. And when he met Rosalie, well, let's just say those two are true soul mates. You'll see when you meet them."

She didn't say anything for a while, and I glanced at her anxiously. Shit. That was probably too much information. I'd freaked her out talking about Em and Rose and their sexcapades. Not a good first date topic of conversation. I cast another quick look in her direction as I drove, but couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"Tell me what you're thinking," I said, determined that I wouldn't spend the night making myself crazy guessing. She just shook her head, and I was sure I shouldn't have brought up anything about having sex, referring to my brother or otherwise. "Hey, I'm sorry. I guess I shouldn't have said anything about Emmett and Rose. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

She assured me she didn't mind the unfortunate topic of conversation, but it seemed like she did. She wouldn't look at me. She was frowning down at her hands in her lap. And then, true to form, she said something I didn't understand. "I guess I was a little surprised. You want me to meet your family?"

Meet my family? Of course she would meet my family. Did she think I was just playing games with her? Wait…did she think that? How could she, after all the time we'd spent together? My mind raced, trying to remember if there was something I had done to give her that impression. I didn't think I had, but why would she be surprised? Was she really that insecure about herself? I didn't see how that could be. She was so smart, so bright, and so pretty. Maybe she was still feeling insecure about me. I'd have to fix that. I didn't want her to doubt how I felt about her. I parked the car in the lot and turned to her before she could get out, wanting to clear things up between us as soon as possible. I couldn't stand being in this weird, wondering limbo. I was in love with her, and I thought she liked me. It was a good start, but I had to be sure. I had to be certain we were moving in the right direction, the direction that would end up with her being in love with me, too – eventually.

"Bella, whatever you're thinking, stop. I think we need to get a couple of things straight, right now." She grimaced, still not looking at me, and my heart pounded in my chest. I hesitantly reached out and ran my finger along the soft skin of her jaw, putting slight pressure under her chin so she would meet my eyes. It was a risky move, a bold one, but I couldn't stop myself from touching her. It might be the only chance I ever got. "Bella. This is hard for me to say, but I'm getting the feeling it needs to be done now, sooner than later."

She kept her face turned up to mine but squeezed her eyes shut, and my stomach dropped. She looked miserable. That was not how a girl should look when she was out on a date with a guy she really liked. She should look like she did when she opened the door to me at her house. I wanted that look – I wanted her to look like that all the time when she was with me.

"Bella," I said softly, getting a little scared that she would just call everything off and demand I take her home. I took a deep breath and laid it on the line. "I like you. I really do. But I keep getting a weird vibe from you, like you keep waiting for me to lower the hatchet on your head, or say the wrong thing, or boil your puppy. It makes me seriously crazy when you do that, because otherwise I really like talking to you and hanging out with you. I was kind of hoping you felt the same way, but it's just so hard to tell with you."

Jesus. Total word vomit. That tended to happen when I loosened the grip I held over my emotions. She was staring at me, her mouth open a little, but I thought it was better than her refusing to look at me at all.

"Huh?" she choked out, and I shook my head, frustrated with myself.

"Shit, Bella. I haven't been this nervous since I asked Stacey Hamilton if she wanted to be my girlfriend in the sixth grade." That was the beginning of my disastrous history with the opposite sex. "I have no idea what you're thinking. Just when I think you do want to go out with me, you start acting like you're having second thoughts and are above dating the stupid high school jock."

I kind of got the feeling she was constantly debating with herself whether she should be with me, hang out with me, be seen with me. Maybe she did have a prejudice that I just wouldn't be able to overcome. She'd never actually said anything about not liking jocks, or that she looked down on them, but I just couldn't figure out why she acted the way she did sometimes. I really hoped that wasn't the case, because there was absolutely nothing I could do about my jock status. I'd do just about anything for the girl, but that I knew I could never change.

"You're not stupid!" she said forcefully, and that made me feel a little bit better. At least she didn't think I was some hulking idiot, even though I felt like one sometimes. And then she went and once again said something that made me feel like I was in an alternate universe. Would I never figure this girl out?

"Edward, that's not it at all. I want to go out with you. More than I should. It's just...I can't believe you're interested in me."

"Why wouldn't I be?" It came out automatically. How could she still possibly think that? Hadn't I been turning myself inside out over her? Hadn't I given her all of my attention, made an idiot out of myself, and asked her out? Said, point blank, that I liked her?

I felt terrible that I had somehow made her doubt me. I vowed that I would do whatever I could to make it clear to her that I wanted to be with her. I never wanted to be the reason she felt unsure of herself. She was so beautiful, so smart, so funny, and so much fun to be around. I ran my hands through my hair in anger at myself, in frustration, and then she surprised the shit out of me yet again. She smiled, a big, brilliant, gorgeous smile and then tackled me, throwing her arms around my waist and hugging hard. The surprise and the force of her small body colliding with mine across the front seat made the breath huff from my lungs, but absolute delight replaced the sudden shock. Bella was in my arms – voluntarily – her face pressed against my chest, her arms wrapped around my torso. I had no idea why. I was beyond thinking I'd ever figure this girl out, but I took advantage of the moment. I'd waited so very long for it, after all. I ducked my head and pressed my cheek to the top of her head, indulging in the softness of her hair, the warmth of her, the fragrance of feminine shampoo, and Bella.

I'd obviously done something right, although I had no idea what is was. I felt completely out of my element, and it was not a feeling I liked.

"Not that I'm protesting or anything," I said hesitantly, because I really wasn't. I didn't want to ruin the moment, but I seriously hated not knowing what was going on or what the hell I was doing. I felt like I was treading water, waiting for the wave to take me under. Not having a plan was making me a little crazy. "But what the fuck, Bella?"

I winced. Not the smoothest thing I'd ever said to a girl, but par for the course. She slowly pulled away from me, and I felt the loss right down to my toes. I was happy to see she was smiling, and her hand lingered on my arm.

"I'm sorry, Edward. It's me, my stupid insecurity, I guess. It's not that I don't want you—to go out with you." She corrected herself instantly, but my heart swelled at her involuntary slip. "I just can't wrap my brain around the fact you want to go out with me."

What? Was she messing with me? I was lucky she'd agreed to go out with me. It was my brain that was having trouble wrapping around this entire situation. Jesus. I had no idea what to say.

"That's just stupid, Bella." Okay, not that. I really shouldn't have said that, but I was completely at a loss. "I wouldn't spend all this time trying to figure you out if I wasn't interested."

I thought that was obvious, but maybe it wasn't. It seemed everything I had thought was apparent actually wasn't. I really needed to sit down and get the situation back into its proper perspective. I rubbed my hands over my face as I got out of the car and walked around to open her door. Get it together, Cullen. I could deal with this. I just had to stop thinking my actions were obvious to her, because apparently they weren't. I had to stop assuming she knew how I felt. I had to tell her, to show her. I felt immensely better with this plan. I could do that. Oh, I certainly could do that.

I helped her out of the car, reaching down to take her hand as we walked toward the front door of the Diner. A blush covered her cheeks and she smiled shyly, her fingers tightening around mine. I felt a surge of relief. She liked holding hands, she liked me, and I felt my usual confidence return. Instead of constantly worrying, I'd just be myself and follow my instincts. I was determined to make this work.

"So, whatever happened with Stacey Hamilton?" she asked curiously.

I shook my head with an amused grin. The first girl to shoot me down – literally – and I'd only wanted to hold her hand. It was quite daring for that age; I'd always been precocious.

"She said yes, but when I tried to hold her hand at lunch she kicked me in the balls and ran off screaming. Story of my life. It's a wonder I ever got the nerve to even talk to a girl again." Stacey was the first girl I'd ever been interested in, and things had gone downhill from there when it came to my romantic past. Things would be different with Bella. Bella was different.

She grinned at my misfortune, but that was okay. It was pretty funny in hindsight. "You obviously got your courage back."

She had no idea. She could take me down harder and faster than anyone else I'd ever known. She had that power over me, a power I'd never let anyone have, ever, but there was no "letting" her. I had no control over how I felt about her. I hadn't from that first impact in the hall almost a year before. I played it off, grinning at her even as my heart swelled with emotion, pretending to protect my balls while my heart lay exposed before her.

"I think you're worth the risk," I told her.

And she was. She was worth everything.