X.
"So what's going on with you and Ianto anyway?" Owen asked as he sat in Jack's office. Jack was nursing a scotch, and though he felt bad drinking it in front of Owen, he needed it, and Owen would have to get used to it. Martha had left the day before, and on top of adjusting to Owen's new life status—or lack of it—it had been a particularly long and stressful day of paperwork, Weevils, and dealing with the fallout from Henry Parker's death.
Jack raised an eyebrow, hoping it was enough to put Owen off, knowing it probably wasn't.
"Don't give me that," Owen said, confirming Jack's fear. "You're shagging again."
"Old news, so why ask now?" asked Jack.
"Because I'm morbidly curious, I suppose," Owen replied. "And because it turned out so well last time, didn't it? What makes you think this time will be any better?"
Jack set down his drink, slightly annoyed by Owen's statement even if it were true. "First of all, what do you mean by last time?"
Owen didn't even bother to look nervous. "You were shagging before you ran off, weren't you?"
"So if you have all the answers, why all the questions?" Jack asked.
Owen snorted, though how that was possible when he technically couldn't breathe was beyond Jack. He picked up his drink and watched Owen over the rim of the glass.
"Because something's different this time. Right before you left, I said some pretty low things to Ianto—"
"I know," Jack replied, letting his displeasure come through clearly. Owen shook his head.
"Of course you do, did he tell you?"
"He didn't have to. I could see as soon as I got back from the dance hall that something was wrong, and the CCTV confirmed it."
"Was it true?" Owen asked boldly. Jack blew out a long breath and shook his head.
"We're not talking about this," he said. "What happened that day is between you and him, not us."
"Humor me," replied Owen. "I'm dead, but I'm not dying."
Jack studied him for a long moment. "Then no, it wasn't true. It was casual and open, but I wouldn't have called it that."
Owen nodded. "He was furious when I said that," he said. "It didn't occur to me that you might actually be shagging back then. I thought he was only fantasizing about it for some sick reason."
"It was a cruel thing to say whether we were or not," Jack pointed out, ignoring the second half of Owen's statement. Owen shrugged, but the look on his face now was one of rare remorse.
"I was pissed off. He was so fucking righteous that night, claiming to know everything, refusing to open the Rift for you and Tosh."
"He was following orders," Jack murmured, and Owen sat back in his chair.
"I know. I fucked up when I called him that, I fucked up when I opened the Rift. And I'm sorry, because I know I was wrong—about all of it."
"Even the part-time shag?" Jack asked.
"At the time, it was a good dig," Owen replied.
"And then he shot you," Jack said. They'd all had a laugh about it when it was over, everyone except Ianto. Ianto had gone home without a word after turning in his gun, and Jack hadn't had a chance to talk to him about it before time started splintering and the team had opened the Rift once more to try and stop it. It wasn't until Jack was back from his trip with the Doctor that he and Ianto had said anything to one another about that day, and that had taken weeks.
Ianto had struggled with the decision to open the Rift for Jack and Tosh. He'd been through the Rift once, to save Jack in the Ferret, and had admitted he'd found it incredibly hard to stop Owen, knowing what was possible. But he had, because he knew the limitations of their technology, and he knew the consequences. Only then the team had been manipulated by Billis Manger into opening it completely, and Ianto had watched those consequences play out in horror. Jack rarely met someone who carried as much guilt and regret as he did, but Ianto was one of the few: guilt from surviving Canary Wharf, from failing Lisa, from betraying Jack, from not opening and then opening the Rift.
"He said it wasn't like that, that you needed him," Owen said, ignoring Jack as he gazed out into the Hub at the Rift Manipulator. "I thought he was completely delusional at that point." He met Jack's eyes. "And then you left."
"And then I left," Jack echoed.
"And he kept this place running, so maybe he meant it. But he had a hard time of it, you know," Owen said, nodding to himself. "Never said anything, never admitted anything ever happened between you two even after that kiss, but it was obvious he missed you in a way that was very different than the rest of us, even Gwen. And he was pissed off, too. Oh, the names he called you!" Owen laughed, but Jack cringed.
Jack knew Ianto had been upset with him. After the initial shock of his return, Ianto had shut him out, and it wasn't until Jack had poked and prodded him enough that the Welshman had finally let loose with every damning thing he could throw at Jack, starting with his abandonment of the team.
And Jack had accepted it all. It had been hard, knowing he'd hurt and disappointed Ianto so much. That night had been one of the darkest nights he'd experienced in years, even on the Valiant, and it had taken all his willpower to work through it and move on. To persevere because it mattered, because he wanted Ianto's forgiveness more than anything.
Ianto, on the other hand, had immediately become mired in guilt again for attacking Jack and demanding answers, but after several days of awkward silence, they'd attempted to talk, this time with real results. They'd come to a deeper understanding of one another, taken the first steps toward rebuilding trust, and Ianto had once again accepted Jack's offer of a date.
What had started out tentative and slow had quickly grown into more, however difficult it had been to navigate the murky waters those first few weeks back. Now Jack treasured what he had with Ianto, even if he wasn't exactly sure what it was. No, he knew exactly what it was, but he suspected Ianto was still too nervous and unsure to believe in it. That made Jack sad, but he tried every day to make Ianto believe that he was where he wanted to be. That he'd come back for Ianto.
Lost in his thoughts, Jack almost missed Owen's next statement.
"We all noticed the way you looked at him when you came back," Owen said. "Well, Tosh and I did, not sure about Gwen. She's still got stars in her eyes most of the time, I think. But you really did come back for him, didn't you?"
Jack grinned. "For all of you," he said.
Owen rolled his eyes. "You're not breaking my heart admitting you came back for him, you know."
"Why are we talking about this?" asked Jack in his typical blunt fashion. Again, he knew it wouldn't deflect Owen, but he had a reputation, after all. A token resistance would help him retain at least a part of that image.
"Because he said something to me the other day that got me thinking about it," Owen replied. "I was complaining about you two shagging again, and he said, 'It's not like that, me and Jack.'" His eyes grew distant. "He said a few other things as well, but for some reason your sex life is the thing I keep coming back to."
"I'm flattered," grinned Jack.
"Don't be," snapped Owen. "It's disgusting, but I'm trying to make a point here."
"Do tell." Jack waved his hand extravagantly, then leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Well, he's right, isn't it? It's not like it was before, casual and open. Even I can see it. So what is it?"
"None of your business?" Jack suggested.
"Probably not, except I'm dead so I'm going to live vicariously through others now. And believe it or not, I don't want to see Ianto get hurt."
Jack pretended to gasp. "I'm astounded!"
"He might deserve to get shot in the shoulder," Owen grumbled, "but you know how much he's gone through over the last year and a half. You saw him after Canary Wharf, after his girlfriend died. After those damn cannibals. And I saw him after you left. So what is it?"
Jack stared at him. He had no idea what to say. He was slightly shocked at Owen's protective streak, though he probably shouldn't have been. Still, it wasn't Owen's business, it was between Jack and Ianto.
"Look, are you sleeping with him for kinky office kicks or is there something more to it?"
"Door number two," Jack snapped.
"All right, good to know. Would you say you're dating? You know, dinner, movies, shows, that sort of thing?"
Jack smiled as he remembered his first official date with Ianto, a romantic dinner followed by a terrible movie that they'd ended up leaving early. He nodded.
"Spending the night together kind of dates?" Owen continued.
"Yes," said Jack.
"Are you living together?" Owen asked, and Jack laughed.
"Um, no. I think we both need our own space, considering we work together."
Owen was quiet for a moment. "But you shack up at Ianto's flat when you're not here? Wake up, eat breakfast, drive in to work together?"
"Pretty much," said Jack. For some reason, he was starting to feel uncomfortable, as if his parents were questioning his life choices and not his dead employee. "Owen, what's the point of all this?"
"I'm not sure anymore," Owen shrugged. "I'm just trying to get some gossip for the girls now."
"Owen!" Jack exclaimed, surging forward. "You know as well as I do how private Ianto is. You're not actually going to gossip about him after claiming to care about him, are you?"
"I guess not," Owen admitted, then grinned. "It sure got your goat, though."
Jack rolled his eyes. Owen leaned forward.
"So is this a lark, Jack? A few months of good sex and companionship and then you run off again? With someone else?"
Jack stood and started pacing. He was frustrated and tired of defending himself to others. "The sex is not just good, it's great, and no, it's not a passing fancy. It's…more serious than that."
"How serious?"
"Jesus, Owen! You're not my mother!"
"I'm the team doctor and it's my job to look out for the well-being of my team." He stood and came face to face with Jack. "That means if you're messing around and things go tits up and affect either you, Ianto, or the team, I need to know. And frankly, I don't want to see that happen to Ianto."
"Why am I the bad guy here?" Jack protested. "What if he calls it off in a month and leaves me high and dry?"
Owen snorted as he backed down and returned to his chair. "He's devoted to you, Jack. I knew it professionally, as well as personally, only I didn't actually think it was…romantically."
"Well, it is," Jack snapped. "Romantic, that is. And if he's devoted to me—which is probably the wrong word here, but we'll go with it— then I feel the same way. And not only professionally, because he runs the place and looks good doing it, and not just personally, because he's loyal and understanding, brave and strong. But romantically, like you said, because I came back to be with him. To get to know him, to go on dates and dinners and walks along the boardwalk with him. To sit on the roof gazing at the stars and talking all night with him, to fall asleep and wake up and have breakfast with him. And you know what? He's amazing, Owen. So I'm not going to hurt him. I need him."
Owen was literally gawping at him. "Christ, Jack, that was more than I ever wanted to know."
"You asked!" Jack said, shaking a finger at him. "You pushed, so I pushed back. And it doesn't go back to the girls. It's no one's business but mine and Ianto's!"
The alarm on the cog door went off at that moment, and Ianto walked in carrying two bags of take away. He glanced around, saw Jack and Owen in Jack's office, and nodded. He didn't come to the office and interrupt, but set the food down by the sofa, hung up his coat, and headed toward his computer. Jack watched, thinking about what he'd said to Owen and trying not to regret it, but it was true, and sometimes he got tired of others seeing him as little more than a shallow playboy. He had his moments, his flings and flirtations, but this was more than that.
He needed Ianto. The Welshman grounded him in a way Jack hadn't even realized he'd been missing until one day he wasn't flying by the seat of his pants, thinking of only himself, terrified of the future. He was thinking about Ianto, because he cared about Ianto, and that allowed him to care about others as well. Not in the same way, of course, but it was as if allowing Ianto into his closed heart had opened the door for others as well.
Jack knew he would lose them all one day, and the thought scared him more than anything else in the world. Sometimes he questioned his decision to grow so close to people he knew would die, and probably soon, but it was worth it. Being with Ianto made it worth it.
Ianto accepted him unconditionally, all of him—his past and his future. He didn't claim to understand Jack, though Jack suspected that Ianto sometimes knew him better than he knew himself. Ianto believed in him and supported him, and Jack tried hard to do the same in return. Ianto made him want to be a better person.
They worked well together, and yes, the sex was fantastic, but it was simply being with Ianto that Jack enjoyed, whether they were eating, sleeping, watching a movie, talking, or laughing. They actually laughed a fair amount when they were alone, finally able to shed the masks they wore to hide from the rest of the world. With Ianto, Jack didn't have to hide. He could laugh, he could cry (not that he did, not that much), he could be angry and forgiving, confused and elated. He could be himself, and he suspected he had seen Ianto in ways no one else had as well, even Lisa. And he loved that he was the only one.
In fact, he loved Ianto. He'd realized it only recently, when he was in Hell in particular, and a few times since. But it wasn't something he would ever admit out loud, because that made it far too real, the heartbreak they would experience one day too devastating to imagine—for both of them. But it was true, and he hoped Ianto knew without him saying that Jack cared deeply for him.
The sound of a throat being cleared brought Jack back to his office, where Owen was watching him with a look of both exasperation and concern, and perhaps a bit of sadness. The doctor shook his head. "It's almost kind of tragic, you know," he said conversationally. Jack let his head fall and sighed in frustration. Owen wouldn't let it go.
"What's that?"
"All those things you said…you'll never tell him, will you?" Owen stood up and stretched. "You should, and he should, but you won't, and he won't, and you'll both keep doing what you're doing until it's too late to say anything."
Jack was silent. Owen had never been more right.
"Make it mean something while you can, Jack," Owen said quietly. He jerked his head toward the door. "No time like the present, even if you have forever."
Jack watched him leave, thinking that sometimes they all underestimated Owen Harper. He had a hell of a heart to be able to say something like that, and for him to say it out loud meant even more to Jack. Because Owen was right: Jack had forever, but Ianto didn't.
Owen stopped and talked to Ianto for a moment, who looked puzzled by whatever the doctor said. Then Owen waved toward the office and left, leaving Jack alone with the Welshman. For a moment Ianto stared at the cog door, then he shut down his computer and moved back toward the sofa, where he began to unpack their food. Jack hurried out to stop him.
"Hey," he said softly as he came up behind Ianto. "Looks good."
"It's just our usual from Orsino's," Ianto replied with a shrug. Jack wrapped his arms around Ianto's waist from behind, laid his head on Ianto's shoulder.
"I wasn't talking about the food," he murmured. He could feel Ianto smile.
"Right," he said. "Flattery will get you nowhere, you know. I've already picked up dinner, and you know I'm a sure thing after a good meal."
Jack sighed at Ianto's attempt to sublimate with humor. He wasn't sure if Ianto used it as a defensive mechanism, or if he was genuinely playing around. Sometimes it was disappointing, because Jack meant what he said and did to show his affection. Maybe he needed to say it more.
"Let's go out," he said. "We spend too much time here."
Ianto turned around and eyed him in surprise. "That's because we work here. And I've already got food, why waste it?"
Jack shook his head and started packing it back up. "We won't waste it, we can share it tomorrow for lunch. Let me take you out."
"It's really not necessary," Ianto protested.
"It is, because I want to go out, and I want to go out with you."
"Jack," Ianto sighed, and Jack grinned at him, the food now packed up into two bags.
"Ianto," he teased in a sing-song voice as he moved past Ianto toward the small kitchen and put the food into the refrigerator.
"Did Owen say something to you?" Ianto asked quietly. Jack turned to him in surprise.
"Why, did he say something to you?" asked Jack, curious about their brief exchange before Owen had left.
Ianto studied him closely before replying. "Might have," he shrugged. "Didn't make much sense, though."
"Funny, I thought he had some remarkably good insight for a dead guy," Jack replied. He tugged Ianto's hand.
"Is that why we're going out?" Ianto asked. He pulled Jack to a stop. "Look, Jack, I don't want what other people say to affect our…us…what we do. It's none of their business, and they don't get it, so—"
Jack pressed a kiss to his lips, lingering to make sure Ianto didn't keep talking. "It's not like that, trust me. I want to take you out to dinner."
"When we have perfectly good food already?"
"Yes," Jack replied. "Because why stay here and eat when we can go out and enjoy ourselves? We deserve it. We're not shackled to Torchwood."
The corners of Ianto's lips quirked up. "Could've fooled me some days."
"This is not one of those days," Jack said. He ducked into his office and grabbed his coat, then hurried back to the sofa, where Ianto had hung his. He held it up for Ianto, who raised an eyebrow as he slid his arms into the sleeves. After a quick glance around the Hub, Jack typed a few commands into his wrist strap and brought the lights down. Then he turned toward the cog door. Ianto didn't follow.
"Are you sure this isn't about Owen?" he asked. Jack pulled a face.
"That's a disgusting thought, but no, it's really not." Although in some ways, it was. Owen had pointed out something Jack tried not to think about. He took a deep breath, deciding it was time to start sharing some of those things he always kept inside, before it was too late. "Look, it's been a rough few weeks around here. But through it all, you've been amazing. Right there, always listening, always ready. From Trettari to my time in Hell, the days we lost to Retcon and Owen's death, you have been so strong and supportive. I don't know what I would have done without you, and I don't know what I've done to deserve someone like you in my life."
He stepped forward and took Ianto's hand. The Welshman's eyes were wide, his face colored with a combination of surprise and confusion and doubt. Jack hated the doubt most of all and wanted to make it go away.
"So I want to take you out, and if you don't mind me inviting myself back to yours, I want to spend the night together and wake up together and maybe even take the day off together." He paused. "Rift willing."
"Rift willing," Ianto echoed. He cleared he throat. "That sounds…great, Jack. It really does. But…" He raised an eyebrow, and Jack saw the doubt tucked away, at least for now, replaced by playful affection. "There will be sex too, right?"
"Of course," Jack laughed. "In fact, how about…" He leaned forward to whisper something deliciously filthy into Ianto's ear and was rewarded with an extremely hot kiss that was hard to break away from.
"We could skip dinner and go straight to mine for dessert," Ianto murmured. Jack kissed him again and led him through the cog door.
"Nope, we're going out. Let's go be normal."
Ianto rolled his eyes but smiled as the lift ascended toward the tourism office. "Normal's overrated, you know."
"Not for me," Jack replied with a soft smile. "And never with you."
"Are you sure you're Jack Harkness and not possessed by an alien?" Ianto asked lightly. He moved around the tourist office, making sure everything was closed and turned off. They stepped out onto the Quay, and he locked the door behind him before they set off.
"I'm sure," Jack replied. "That feels different. This feels good." He took Ianto's hand. The Welshman smiled at him, ducking his head and looking away.
"You're a little bit mad, you know."
"And you like it," Jack teased. Ianto nodded.
"Free meal, amazing sex—what's not to like?" he asked, then turned to Jack, abruptly more serious. "Owen figured it out, didn't he?"
Jack gave him a sideways look, once again wondering what Owen had said to Ianto. "Depends on what he figured out."
Ianto smiled privately and motioned them on. "Come on, let's go. I think we should be able to get a table at Ddraig Goch, since you're paying."
"Pub food?" Jack said. "Doesn't seem very romantic."
"Good thing we're not romantic then," Ianto laughed. "And it's actually a very nice Japanese restaurant."
"Sounds perfect," said Jack. "And romantic."
Ianto did not respond, and they walked in comfortable silence for a long moment.
"He said he was wrong," Ianto said, out of the blue. "Owen. That's all he said, that he was wrong."
Jack smiled to himself. It was probably as close to an apology as either one of them would ever have from the good doctor, but he would take it. "He often is," Jack replied. Ianto hummed noncommittally, and Jack could almost sense the doubt in his thoughts. "And he was definitely wrong about us."
Ianto raised an eyebrow. "What did you tell him?"
"The truth: that it was none of his business." Ianto nodded, as if relieved, but Jack continued. "And that I came back for you, because I want you, and I need you. And sitting around the Hub eating take away is not how I want to show you that."
He got exactly the reaction he was expecting: Ianto stopped and stared at him, his eyes wide and mouth slack, so many emotions shining through his face that he quickly ducked his head. Then he cleared his throat and met Jack's nervous gaze.
"Barking mad," he said, but the look on his face as he leaned over and kissed Jack on the lips betrayed his light words. "Thank you."
Jack kissed him back, making sure to take a bit longer. "Thank you." He stepped back and held out his hand again. If Ianto could deflect with humor, so could he. "And now that the sappy sentimental stuff is over, can we go eat already?"
Ianto took his hand and they continued on their way. "Let's go be normal."
"Someone told me normal's overated," Jack replied with a grin. Ianto shook his head.
"Not for me," he said, using Jack's words from earlier. "And never with you."
They shared another smile, a laugh, and Jack thought that maybe, at that moment, Ianto believed him. Believed that Jack wanted to be there, be together, for as long as they had, because he cared.
Because he needed Ianto Jones.
Author's Note:
The end! Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this last scene, the real one amongst the what-ifs. And thank you to Taamar for giving me the poke I needed at the end to wrap it up. Onto the next story!