10.
our instincts are supposed to guide us
our guts to lead
make decisions and choices before we do
and tell us which ones to
mine tells me that this is an enemy before me
not a friend
not a companion
not a welcome visitor
not okay
but yet...
i don't chase it away
because there's something
i can't quite put my finger on
or sink my teeth into
but something that makes me want to not
i can feel its heat even from this distance
see the snow melting beneath it
and the puffs of its warm breath meeting the cold air above
but above that...
i see another thing
another warmth
in the way it watches me
its eyes are brown
deep
and shallow at the same time
i see myself on their surface
reflecting back at me
but behind my mirror image is another thing
a different
and a familiar i think
it's why i can't look away
because i miss familiar
in this place where nothing is but the place itself
this place i'm afraid to leave because it's the only familiar i have left
and because i'm waiting for another to come back
to not mean what he said
This is the last time you'll ever see me
to not mean it anymore
to know somehow that he doesn't have to
to can't
Edward's words haunt me
they haunt me everyday
have everyday since he spoke them
but not only because they hurt me
they haunt me with comfort too
because he's the only person i loved who spoke any at all
who told me goodbye
and who didn't leave me when i wasn't looking
it's not my dad's fault that he did
and that he didn't
he didn't because he couldn't
wasn't given a chance
and Jake...
well i just don't know
why he didn't
or what happened to him at all
no one would tell me
give me any details
other than the one i didn't want
that my friend wasn't anymore
wasn't anything
and that i had nothing left
nothing but my memories
that i know i will lose soon
no matter how strong i am now
and how much i want to keep them
they'll leave me too
leave a hole in my head where they used to be
leaving me with a matching set
because i already have one in my chest
where familiar used to be
i think
..tq..
i'm kind of missing familiar too.
and Crushed Seraphim... you made me smile yesterday. the biggest. ;)