This chapter is for snowmankittycat who is an awesome friend because she always beta reads for me and deals with my insanity :)
Enjoy!
"Hey, Armin!" Hanji exclaims, walking into his room. "What'cha up to?"
Armin nearly jumps ten feet into the air. "Hanji! Can't you knock?" He shouldn't have asked - everyone knows that if they don't want Hanji to burst in unannounced, they have to lock their doors. Unfortunately… none of the dormitories have locks on the door. Levi doesn't trust them enough (can't imagine why…) to let them lock their doors at night.
"Well you weren't changing so no harm done," Hanji says, patting his head. "Oooh, what are you looking at?"
"Uh, nothing," Armin replies, clearing his throat awkwardly. He quickly closes the lid of the laptop. "Did you need something?"
"Hm, this is similar to my Titan PET!" Hanji picks up the laptop for examination. "It's surprisingly light."
"It's a laptop," Armin explains.
"Can I examine it?" Only Hanji would ask if she can "examine" everything instead of asking if she can look at it.
"Sure..." Armin says, unsure whether or not he really should let her look at the laptop.
And then Hanji walks away humming "She Blinded Me With Science" under her breath. Armin never does get to find out why Hanji came into his room in the first place.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"Hanji took the laptop," Armin groans, face in his hands and food forgotten. Mikasa tried to force feed him bread, but she gave up because Armin looked so miserable.
Eren pats his shoulder. "I'm sure she'll give it back in one piece." He doesn't even believe himself.
"Ugh. No she won't."
"Hey, Armin, you okay?" Connie plops down on the bench next to Armin.
Armin looks up. "No, not really."
"That's rough, buddy," Connie replies, not quite sure what to say. Armin is usually the positive one. "Anyways, I was wondering if I could use the laptop."
Armin sighs. "You can't. Hanji has it."
"HANJI HAS THE LAPTOP?"
"Great, now everyone knows," Mikasa mutters. "Thanks, Connie."
"She just took it," Armin explains. "I couldn't stop her."
Upon hearing the news, Reiner pales, Krista's jaw drops in shock, and Jean faints, among other similar reactions.
"Somebody get the smelling salts. Or Connie's dirty socks, something that has a really strong smell," Sasha grunts, barely keeping Jean from falling flat on his face. "Ugh, someone's been eating too many oats."
"So what are we going to do?" Annie asks.
"You know how Hanji is," Bertholdt replies. "Until her test subjects are fully examined or dead…" Everyone gulps. "She's not going to let go of it."
"She probably already named it," Ymir adds wryly.
"Then I guess we'll just have to commence with a rescue mission," Armin says. They all nod solemnly.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Levi kicks open the door to Hanji's laboratory. This isn't a place he likes being in, because his fingers start twitching with the overwhelming urge to clean, but he couldn't find Moblit and there was something urgent he needed to discuss with her.
"Hanji, you were supposed to be in my office an hour ago," he snarls.
Her back is to him, illuminated by the faint glow of...something. He grimaces. If she brought in another radioactive element…
Hanji turns to look at him, a familiar gleam in her eyes. Uh-oh. No wonder he couldn't find Moblit.
"LEVIIIIIII!" Hanji starts shouting gibberish about titans and theories and the only thing keeping Levi from hitting his head on the wall are the disgusting blood stains. Where did they even come from? Titan blood evaporates.
"I don't care, Hanji," he growls, grabbing hold of her hair to stop her pacing. "Erwin sent us an important message regarding his conversation with - WHAT IS THAT?"
"IFOUNDSOMANYTHEORIESREGARDINGTHETITANSANDITALLMAKESSOMUCHSENSEAND - MMPH."
Levi takes drastic measures and slaps a hand on Hanji's mouth, if it would only stop her talking.
"Did you get this from those brats?" he asks. Hanji nods. This is his chance to finally be rid of that stupid object…
"I'm taking it." Hanji's eyes widen and suddenly Levi feels her teeth clamp down on his fingers. "What the hell?"
"Noooooo! You have to let me examine it!" Hanji shrieks. She grabs the laptop and hugs it. "It's my baby."
"I thought the titans were your babies," Levi mutters, lunging for the laptop. "I am going to burn this."
Hanji dances out of reach. "What did this ever do to you?"
"Lots of things," Levi growls. His fingers grace the surface of the laptop, but then Hanji holds the laptop above her head so that he can't reach it.
This is why Levi hates being short.
"C'mon Levi, just let me keep it!"
"No."
"But SCIENCE -"
"I. Said. No." Levi's glare is so malicious it might even be able to make Dot Pixis give up alcohol forever.
Hanji grins. "Okay, thanks!"
Levi's roar of frustration resonates throughout the entire castle. In one great leap he grabs the laptop and runs out the door. Hanji gives chase, with Moblit on her heels. He just happened to walk by and see them and has no idea what is going on but figures it's not good.
A couple flashes of beige and white and black speed by the dining hall, where the cadets are brainstorming ideas for Operation Rescue the Laptop from Hanji.
"What was that?" Eren asks.
They poke their heads out the door to see what's going on, only seeing the swish of Moblit's cloak as they turn the corner. Everyone shrugs. Who knows what crazy things Hanji's up to now? It only makes them work faster to think of a plan.
Levi runs all the way up to the top of the castle and uses his magic powers to set the laptop on fire. Just kidding. He uses a match. He figures that if throwing the laptop doesn't work, then he'll set it on fire and then throw it.
"No!" Hanji shrieks and Levi drops the laptop with a satisfied smirk on his face. That laptop can go to Laptop Hell for all he cares.
There is a great blast and all the titans in the general vicinity are instantly vaporized.
"How did it do that?" Hanji asks between gasps. She thinks she might faint (LAPTOPS CAN KILL TITANS?) and Moblit quickly dumps a bucket of water to bring her back to her senses. He keeps these sort of things handy.
Levi just wipes his hands with a handkerchief and walks away.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Late that night, Hanji slips outside to the charred grassy area at the side of the castle. Bending down to examine a fallen petal, a sudden gleam catches her eye.
It's the laptop. Miraculously unharmed. Cackling slightly, she picks up the silver object and heads back towards the castle.
Carefully closing the front door behind her so that it doesn't make a noise (Levi is a light sleeper), Hanji scurries back to her lab.
"This laptop can kill titans! But nothing happens to the laptop itself!" she whispers to herself. "I must examine it - this could be the revelation of the century!"
She places the laptop on the table, pushing away bloody pliers and broken glass to make room. She only needs one candle - the laptop provides enough light.
"I wonder what I would find if I dismantled it…"
She sorts through the tools she has around the room. After a lot of shuffling and clanking, she finally finds the screwdriver.
"Now let's see what secrets the Immortal Laptop holds." Hanji rubs her hands with anticipation.
Before she can touch a nail, something hits her over the head and she passes out.
"Help me get her to the bed," Armin mutters, holding a frying pan in his hands.
"Ugh, she's as heavy as Jean is!" Sasha complains, grabbing Hanji's ankles.
"Ah! Watch her head!"
"That's okay, I don't think she has any brain cells to lose," Reiner says, smirking.
They manage to get Hanji to her bed (she has a room but sometimes she just crashes in her lab) without any more trouble.
"Okay, grab the laptop, and let's get out of here," Armin whispers. They have a low chance of getting caught, but he isn't about to push his luck.
They get to the top of the stairs, but suddenly Levi emerges from the shadows and growls, "What are you runts doing?"
"Levi Heichou!" They come to a screeching halt, staring at their captain's pale face with fear.
Armin gives a quick salute, using it as a way to keep the laptop hidden behind his back.
"Sasha went out for a little snack run," Reiner says. "Armin and I came to stop her."
"Hey, don't throw me under the bus!"
Luckily for them… Levi is in one of his rare good moods, since he thinks he finally got rid of the laptop forever. Or so he thinks...
"If I catch you out of bed again, you'll get nothing but bread and cheese for a month." They all gulp, and Sasha resists the urge to start crying. Everyone knows the cheese is moldy and disgusting.
"Yes, Heichou!" They all salute and quickly scurry off.
Levi rubs his forehead wearily. "I need tea."
Along the way he is ambushed by a wild Hanji muttering, "They stole it from me. My baby!"
He really doesn't have time for this. He takes his cell phone from his pocket and knocks her on the head, leaving her unconscious. Laptops can kill titans, but cell phones can be useful too.
Plus the trainees get a scary surprise the next morning, seeing Hanji sprawled out on the floor at the foot of the stairs. Definitely gets them alive and kicking.
Levi is like... Bat-Levi. Because he emerges from the shadows xD