Breakfast was incredibly awkward that morning. Otoya, Ren, and Masato all looked exhausted from the night before and I've noticed that Masato has gained some faint marks along his throat. Though they could been seen as weeks old, I was surprised to see them already healing. I should add that to the list. Glancing at the others, I see that they've noticed the marks on Masato's throat as well. Of course, they didn't say anything about them yet, though they would periodically glance at them. Besides that, they did their best to avoid the others gazes and kept exchanging uneasy looks with each other. Cecil, though he looked worried, didn't act the same as them and only made the whole setting slightly less awkward for me at least.
I couldn't help but frown at the setting in front of me. It's like everyone's so divided. Though there's no denying that the guys were trying to go about their day like it was normal. I stab the food on my plate and put it in my mouth, chewing slowly. Despite having a wonderful palette of delicious food, it all tasted bland in my dry mouth. Looking up, I make eye contact with Cecil as he nods at me. I shake my head. He flashes me a look of encouragement. Once again, I shake my head. He raises a brow and glances at the others, nodding subtly. Sighing in defeat, I look over at Masato.
"How did you sleep last night?" Ren and Otoya give me questioning looks but Masato smiled faintly, probably glad that the silence has been broken.
"I slept well enough, thank you." He nods at me. The awkward silence returns and I start playing with the food on my plate. Looking back up at Cecil, he gestures for me to keep talking. Reluctantly, I start to open my mouth to say something but Tokiya interjects before I can.
"So, how was your first night as a werewolf, Otoya?" Syo chokes on the water he was drinking before turning harshly to Tokiya.
"Isn't that question a bit too forward to ask?" The shorter male glares at him.
"It's fine, Syo." Otoya raises a hand in a calming motion. "I was waiting for someone to say something, or anything really, so I'm glad the silence is gone now." Otoya takes a sip of his water.
"That doesn't answer my question." Tokiya raises a brow.
The red head chuckles lightly, grinning. "Oh… you know…" The sound of dishware and forks scrapping on plates suddenly stops. Masato and Ren smile slightly, as do I.
"No, I don't know. That's why I'm asking." I laugh lightly at the whole thing, as Masato and Ren chuckle as well. I glance at Cecil to see a small smile on his face. Tokiya glares momentarily before suddenly smirking at the joke and chuckling along.
"Good to see you still have a sense of humor." Otoya smiles at him before going back to eating his food. By now, everyone at the table was either smiling or snickering, and, frankly, I was glad the silence was finally broken.
"But…" I look up at Tokiya again, a solemn look in his eyes. "In all seriousness, what happened to you guys? You look like you've been through hell."
Otoya sets his fork down on his plate and coughs lightly. "It was just some minor trouble last night." Ren and Masato share an uneasy look with each other but otherwise don't say anything.
"Hm… Another werewolf?" He leans forward on the table waiting for an answer.
Otoya seems taken back at his response. "How did you…" Tokiya gestures to the scars on Masato's neck, who quickly raises his hand up and rubs at his throat. Otoya coughs, "Well… Yes, we did run into that other werewolf, but she ran off and I don't think she'll come back anytime soon."
Masato adds on. "I ran into her first, but she knocked me out before I could really do anything."
Ren continued. "Otoya and I showed up just a few seconds after and scared her off."
Syo interrupts. "'She'? You were attacked by a female werewolf?"
I look at Otoya and the others. "How did you know that wolf was a girl?"
They suddenly blush and look away as Masato stammers. "Uh… Well… She just kind of…uh… Well she… she smelled like one…" He blushes more furiously and sinks down slightly in his chair.
Syo snickers at them. "You can tell she was a girl just by how she smelled? What would that smell be: perfume or hairspray?" Natsuki and Cecil join in on his laughter. They show looks of embarrassment, averting their gazes from the others.
Cecil stops his laughter long enough to ask a question. "Why be so embarrassed about it?" He covers his mouth with his hand to quiet down his laughter.
Otoya sputters, "H-how could we not?! Do you understand how weird it is to be able to tell someone apart just from their scent?!"
Tokiya cracks a smile. "I think the definition for 'weird' has changed over the past few days." He joins in with the others laughter, adding his own soft hearted one. I laugh with all of them, finally glad that they were getting along like they used to.
Syo ceases his laughter for a moment to ask, "On a side note, didn't I see you all walking down from the women's floor this morning?" Otoya and the other werewolves faces flush and they start stammering to explain themselves.
"Hang on a sec!" Otoya raises his hands defensively. "We didn't have a place to stay the night since we share our rooms with our seniors and it isn't safe outside at night!"
The laughter in the room dies off and Natsuki inquires them, "I thought you said she wouldn't come back. You guys chased her off, right?"
Ren sighs and stares down at his plate with a grim expression. "We've chased her off a few times, but she comes back once in a while. She left with an injured leg from what I can tell, so she'll be gone for five days at the most. While she may be gone now, it still isn't safe to go outside." Glaring, he stabs a piece of food on his plate. Is he disappointed in himself for not being able to do more? He considers us as his pack, but do the others feel that way too?
The room becomes eerily silent again. Cecil nudges my foot under the table and nods his head at the others before giving me a look; a look that seemed desperate for answers. I nod slightly to him.
"Um… If I could give a suggestion…" I wring my hands under the table. It doesn't seem like it would be a good idea. If it doesn't work, then the wedge between the people I love will only grow. My hands and wrist start to hurt from all the friction, so I grab the napkin on my lap and choose to wring that instead. If it does work, then we'll all be truly connected again. "I think we should er... need to have a discussion about this." I feel seven pairs of eyes lock onto me, causing me to blush and look down. "It's just that… Well, I think that if we have everything out in the open and addressed, then maybe the whole situation wouldn't feel so strange anymore…" Closing my eyes, I hold my breath, and wait for their response.
Masato sharply ask me, "You think talking about all this will make it all better? That everything will go back to normal if we do?"
"No! Not like that…" I chew on my bottom lip. "When I first learned that you guys were werewolves, you said I could ask any question I could think of right? Well, at the time, I had too many questions to even ask then. Now that I understand the situation better, I know exactly what I want to know and since everyone else knows, why not let them ask questions too?" The stillness of the room strikes me head on. The only sound I could hear was my own heartbeat pounding away in my ears. No one moved a muscle and for the most part kept their eyes on me. My heart pounds more frantically and I'm sure if there was a noise it would only be drowned out by thumping in my ears.
"I think Haruka's idea is a wonderful one!" I freeze entirely. Blinking my eyes a few times, my heartbeat falls back into line. Looking up, I see that all eyes have moved to Natsuki. He sat there smiling as if nothing was wrong. "We're all good friends. I think if you guys explained your situation more, we'll have a better chance of understanding it, and then we could be even better friends!" He giggles slightly and beams at us.
"I agree," Cecil sits up a little straighter and smiles as well. "I'm interested in hearing your views on this!"
"I still think this whole thing is crazy," Syo grinned. "But hey, why not?"
Tokiya nodded. "I've been meaning to ask questions anyway." I notice the other three relax a bit at their responses and they beam at everyone.
"Alright then," Ren stands up and grabs his plate. "As soon as we clean up, we'll all head down to the lake to discuss everything."
Masato follows his lead and grabs my plate as well. "You can ask anything in the world and we'll give you an honest response." Everyone in the room grins and hurriedly cleans up their plates. I feel into my pocket for the familiar folded up sheet of paper and sigh in relief when its still there. Finally! I'll get answers straight from them!
I admire the scenery of a lake in front of me as I sit on the cool grass. Pressing my back against the bark of the tree, I breathe in the fresh air, inhaling it deeply. It's much better than the city. Ren, Masato, and Otoya sit across from the others and I. No one's said anything yet, but I know everyone is dying to get answers, though they don't seem to know where to start. I gaze up at the sunlight showering through the leaves and branches, dazzling shades of green fill my vision and smile fondly in content.
"Well, go ahead and ask. Any questions will be answered." Otoya smiles reassuringly and leans forward.
There's a short moment of silence that's quickly broken by Syo. "I know you were attacked at night, but I don't think any of you gave us the details. How exactly did it happen?"
Masato and Otoya look at Ren, waiting for him to start his side of the story. He nods, "I was walking home, directly in front of the dorms actually. The sun had just set so it was already dark out. I was just walking along the way when I hear something behind me. I turn around to see a white wolf. I wasn't sure how to react. I thought it was just a stray dog or something so I turned around and kept walking home. It jumps in front of me and starts barking and growling. Before I know what to do, it has me pinned onto the cement. I tried to push her off, but that stupid wolf tore right into my forearm and runs off as if I was never there. At the time, my arm looked really bad and was bleeding quite a bit, but it's all healed up now. I ran inside and got some bandages on it without anyone noticing. That's it."
Syo inquires. "So she bit you then just ran off into the night?" Ren nods. "Then don't you think you think she was deliberately trying to infect you?"
Ren scoffs. "You make it sound like a disease." His shows surprise at what he's said and turns away, glaring at nothing in particular. "Maybe she was, but I have no clue why she would and her scent isn't of anyone I know." Syo nods to him and turns to the others for their stories.
Masato starts, "I followed Ren outside a couple of nights after he was bitten. I shadowed him for a bit before I lost him and ended up wandering around looking for him again. When I had given up, and was heading back towards home, a white wolf had appeared behind me and started growling. I was shocked to see a wolf way out here in this area and didn't have time to react to her. She ran forward and tackled me to the ground. She bit my arm and kept her jaws on it for what seemed like forever. I tried prying her mouth open, but she's a lot stronger than she looks. After maybe a minute or so, Ren, as a wolf, ran out of nowhere and chased her off. I kept thinking to myself, 'Another wolf here, ready to chew off my arm.' But when the wolf slowly changed into a person, I saw that it was Ren. I was shocked at what I had just seen and for the most part just sat there gaping at him. He yelled at me a bit for going against his orders, which I admit I deserved, and then he explained his condition to me."
Ren scratches the back of his neck. "At the time, I was furious about how you put yourself in danger like that, but I felt… happy; happy that I wasn't alone anymore. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be glad that you're suffering with me." Masato nods to him in understanding but remains silent.
"And as for me," Otoya interjects. "It was late at night and I suddenly woke up to get drink of water. I got up and went to the kitchen for a glass. I hear the window creak and that she wolf jumped in and pinned me against the counter. It latched onto my arm and I tried to pry open her jaws. I took the glass and was about to smash it to frighten her off but she let go and jumped out the window before I had the chance. By the time I bandaged my arm up, Ren and Masato were there asking me what happened. I just showed them my arm and that was that."
Brief moments of silence rolls by before Natsuki ask, "Ren, you said she didn't smell like anyone you know. How do you know that? And do you two not know her either?" They shake their heads.
"Well," Ren shows a look of concentration. "It's like this: everyone has a scent that sets them apart from everyone else. Most animals tend to share a similar scent depending on the species, but with humans, it's like… you all have different smells to you that set you apart depending on what you do. All people have a natural scent, but they can change it if they happen to use something like perfume or cologne. A lot of our senses have gotten stronger, so now even the faint scent of perfume smells like the bottle is right next to our nose." He chuckles a bit.
"Hm… And what does that she wolf smell like?" Natsuki inquires.
"Like earth after rain, with the faint scent of old paper to her." The others hum in agreement.
Cecil asks, "Does it hurt when you change to wolves?"
They shake their heads and Masato answers him, "It only hurts at night, when you're trying to fight it. If we change during the day or willingly at night, it has more of a numb feeling to it."
A hush falls over us and everyone seems to twitch at the dire question on their minds. No one seems eager to address it, werewolf or human. The atmosphere starts to feel heavy and I nudge the closest person to me to do something about it. That person just so happened to be Tokiya. He glances at me before quietly asking, "What does it feel like; to be a werewolf?"
The others don't at all seem to be taken back by the question, but they still didn't seem to happy that someone asked. Otoya pulls at some of the grass blades in front of him. Masato has his eyes closed in thought, though he was shaking heavily, while Ren kept shifting his eyes at the ground in front of him. Though none of them look in our direction, they all voice the same thing, "We... can't answer that…"
"For what reason?" Tokiya and the others seem rather hurt over the fact that they won't tell them, and even I was astonished at their reluctance to talk to us. "What makes this question any different? What's stopping you from answering it?"
They all look away from our gazes, trying to find the right words to use. After maybe ten seconds of silence they give us their answers.
Otoya stutters, "S-shame."
Masato sighed, "Regret."
Ren adds, "Fear..."
My heart breaks at the words uttered by them. What could possibly be so wrong about it? We all love and trust them, so why would they think like that? A soft breeze rolls by, picking up the stray leaves and sweeping them away over the lake. A quick glance at the others tells me they're just as shocked as me.
The heavy atmosphere starts to feel suffocating and I try to force out something, anything. "P-please. I promise… We won't judge your answers, no matter what they may be." The others nod their heads and flash some reassuring smiles at them.
The wolves don't say anything for what feels like an eternity to me. Finally Otoya, without looking up, tells us, "We don't want to know the answer ourselves. We're... scared of the shame and regret it may bring…"
Cecil speaks up. "'May bring', there's no guarantee it will come."
Ren continues shifting his eyes in front of him. He stops and tries to raise his head to look us in the eyes, but only raises it halfway. "I… I hate it so much… I loathe it with all my heart…" I sigh in relief, glad that they were still as human as ever. "But…" My heart drops in my chest at his words. Don't say what I think you're going to say! "I only hate it so much… because I… Love it…" His voice quivers at the words and he quickly looks down again.
Syo gasps, "What do you-"
Ren abruptly stands up and turns around, pacing in the shade of the tree, hands running through golden hair. He starts growling. "It's like… I hate being a werewolf because it's just... revolting. I feel him there, inside me, the wolf, just sitting and waiting for me to let go… so that he can take over and do what he pleases. He sits there inside me and waits night after night to come out. Night after night, I fight against the animalistic urges he plants inside my mind. I… I try to fight back, to keep him from hurting me or anyone else, but I can't do it forever!" Pausing, he continues his uneasy pacing. He looks like he's in pain at just talking about it as his breath comes out in short puffs and he clutches his sides. "But at the same time… He's just there… Even though he sits and waits for me to make a wrong move… It feels like he's only waiting to help me correct that move. It's almost like… he wants to be… more." He pauses again and he realizes what he just said, but the shock is quickly wiped away. "Like he wants to show me the good things about his world. He wants to feel freedom… and here I am keeping him locked up." He stops moving, breathing normal and hands hanging by his sides. "I fear it… I fear that I might actually like being a werewolf. And I fear how you all will feel." He gazes out over the lake and doesn't utter another word, hands shoved into his pocket
There's a momentary pause as we sit frozen in the warm summer sun. "I know I've only been a werewolf for a shorter amount of time," Masato announced. "But… it's true. I keep thinking that if I let him out… if I let him be free for even a second… he might cause me to hurt someone. If I were to hurt anyone, I don't think I'd be able to live with myself after that. The wolf… it talks to me… to all of us. My wolf, well, he doesn't seem to agree with my calm demeanor. He wants to run and hunt and fight to his heart's content… but I can't let him do that." He stops to rub his temple. "I try my best to keep him under control… but when Haruka was attacked a few nights ago and last night as well, I let him take control. It felt like watching a TV. I was just waiting and hoping… hoping that the wolf would win and wouldn't hurt anyone else. I wanted to be in control… I wanted to be the one who could fight their own fights, not the wolf. Last night, I tried to win back control over the wolf. I did it, but I hadn't learned enough to defend myself in a fight. I lost… And now, he's eager to teach me how to fight." He chuckles slightly before frowning. "I keep thinking to myself, that if I let him gain control… I'll end up regretting something I had no control over." The others show no emotion over the tales, instead choosing to listen carefully to each and every word uttered by them. Though they seemed calm, something told me they were holding back many emotions and questions. Hesitantly, I look to Otoya, hoping that his tale isn't so painful.
He continues clawing at the grass blades in front of him and starts off by smiling fondly. "When I first became a werewolf, I thought I was going to feel some sort of animalistic urge that would tell me to go attack a village or something like in the movies. But when I found myself on four paws and I felt the earth beneath them, I felt a rush of energy surge through my spine. I feel myself running around the field… I felt so free and happy. Maybe I was happy because my wolf was so happy. The feeling of the wind rushing past my ears and through my fur... The way the earth moved beneath me... The feeling of letting nature guide me… it all felt so… exhilarating… It felt like being on a roller coaster the whole time. As the wolf and I moved together, other thoughts came rushing up to me… The wolf was telling me about other… intoxicating activities." Otoya whimpers slightly before continuing. "He told me about the feeling of hunting in a pack… tracking down a meal… and being the first to spill its guts across the ground…" He stops, fighting back tears, but I couldn't help but notice the smallest smile on his face. I feel my heart beating faster in my chest and my ears. Didn't that smile seem… a bit sadistic? I shake my head of the thoughts and I almost miss what he says next. "I can't help but feel ashamed… ashamed that… I might actually enjoy doing those things." He bows to us and Masato follows his lead. "Please. Please don't think any less of us. We're begging you…"
I can't feel my face or even my body and could only sit frozen in the warm mid morning day. I couldn't even begin to wrap my brain around the whole thing. They really like being werewolves don't they? No! That can't be true! And even if it was, it wouldn't mean anything, right?! The others seem frozen in their spots as well. I look to Ren and the other wolves. Their breathing seems normal and they've stopped shaking. Both Masato and Otoya have stopped bowing but their eyes are closed and they refuse to look up.
Natsuki voiced his next question. "But...but… It's just your wolves talking right?! I mean… none of you have any control over what your wolf tells you! You're not the ones thinking these… uh thoughts?"
They finally look up and into our eyes, looks cold and serious. Ren takes a step forward and Masato and Otoya rise and stand next to him. Ren continues, "Well, you see... We can't really tell..."
Masato adds on. "If it's us thinking it..."
Otoya finishes with, "Or the wolf…" They bow their heads once again, eyes shut tight and mouths closed just as well.
The awkward silence rears its head again as tears start to well up in my eyes. Another gentle breeze rolls by, causing a tear to fall and hit the parched earth. I inhale a quick breath of air to calm myself, but it proves useless.
"So, I guess…" Syo frowns and crosses his arms. We all get to our feet and stand in front of them. "Because of these urges to kill and fight, we're not safe being around you guys anymore, huh?" They all look down at their feet, while I kept my gaze on the others. I feel my legs and arms trembling and I was worried I would collapse any second, but I somehow remain on my feet.
Ren, Masato, and Otoya look up at us again. They seem to look off into the distance, as if searching for something. I can tell the others are shaking out of fear, whether it was the thought of being hurt, having the group break up, or losing their friends; they all looked uncomfortable in the atmosphere. I feel my lips quivering and more tears come to my eyes. But a single moment passes by before Ren finally breaks the silence, "No."
We snap our eyes up at them in shock. Cecil stammers, "W-what?!"
Ren smirks at them and shoves his hand into his pocket. "It's true that our wolves are telling us these disturbing thoughts, and its true that they make us feel a drive to hunt and kill. Hey, I'll even admit that they do give us the appearance of monsters. But your lives are not being threatened. Well, not by us at least."
The other werewolves break out in smiles. Otoya takes up where Ren left off. "We would never hurt you guys. Not now, not then, not ever! Your lives would never be in danger because of us!"
Syo spoke, "Again: what?!" The looks on everyone's face, including my own, were astonished.
Masato clarified, "The wolves wouldn't dream of hurting you guys. If anything, they think you'll be safer if you're around us."
Natsuki stammers, "B-but why?!"
The others blush faintly and look away. Ren coughs. "The wolves say you're all 'pack' er…. well, family really. They feel no drive to hurt any of you. They only say to protect you all."
I smile widely, tears of happiness welling up in my eyes. I knew they weren't monsters! They care about us just as much as we care about them! I look to the others, and although they all seemed shocked, I noticed a glint of happiness in their eyes. "You have no idea how glad I am to hear you all say that!" Tears filled with joy cascade down my cheeks as smile at them and the others.
The others come up behind me and pat them on their backs, all of them grinning from ear to ear. Tokiya intervenes, "To be honest, I think the only reason any of us were scared of the situation, was because we didn't know if you would hurt us or anyone else. But knowing you won't is a great weight off of our shoulders." The others nod in agreement.
I look back up at the others and see the joy and relief glinting in their eyes. It's as if the heavy chains dragging them down have instantly been taken off, and now both them and their wolves have been freed from them. I smile thoughtfully. None of you never had to feel scared...Never…
I realize I usually update weekly, but when I saw that this story hasn't gotten any new reviews I felt a kind of down and wasn't really up to posting a new chapter. I usually start the new chapter when I get a new review, but...
That's okay! I'll just have to write chapters so good people will have to leave reviews for them. So please, review and favorite if this story's caught your attention. Your feedback keeps me going!