After the conversation Amanda and Olivia had, they went back to the squad-room together. Liv made her way over to her desk while Amanda went over to Fin. She wanted to say something to him, to let him know what last night meant to her. However when she stopped at his desk he beat her to it. "I know".
They grinned at each other in mutual understanding and Amanda strut of to make them some coffee, or in her case tea.
When it was nearly three o'clock Olivia signaled Amanda. It was time for them to go. The two women put on their coats and said goodbye to the other detectives. As in some agreement the men didn't ask where they were going or gave them questioning looks. They just knew this was something the two of them had to do by themselves.
Not that they weren't interested or concerned. They'd just show it in a different way.
Olivia and Amanda walked to the shrink's office lost in thought. They were both nervous, though Liv not nearly as much as Amanda. The latter had never really liked shrinks, only went if it was mandatory and work related. She didn't like the idea of paying someone to whine to. And in this case she was worried what they'd talk about. And what they'd ask her.
They got to a plain grey office building that was only a few blocks away from the precinct. It'd taken them less ten minutes to walk there.
Entering the office Amanda noticed immediately that it was a comfortable environment. It felt anonymous and yet at the same time not uncaring. It was plain to see why Liv liked it here. It was a very welcoming place.
There was a receptionist desk to the right and Liv walked over to make their presence known. "Ah, Olivia, good to see you again" the woman behind the counter said with a warm smile on her face "I see you brought someone?".
Liv nodded "I did, I was hoping the doc wouldn't mind.". "I can't see why he would, he's always happy to welcome new people and help them if he can. If you just wait in the waiting area for a few minutes, you can go in soon".
So they took a seat in two of the chairs and waited patiently.
Not five minutes later the receptionist gestured for them to go ahead and Amanda followed Olivia through a doorway. A middle-aged men with grey hair was sitting in a purple chair. His whole appearance yelled shrink, Amanda thought.
"Olivia, how have you been?" he said, and upon noticing Amanda "Who did you bring?". "This is Amanda Rollins, she's a friend and she could use some help so I offered to take her with. I hope you don't mind".
The use of the word friend made it clear how redefined their relationship actually was. It wasn't a big change but it was noticeably different from 'colleague' and it made Amanda feel just a little bit better about coming.
"Not at all, always interesting to meet new people". He stretched out his hand and Amanda shook it. "Doctor Lindstrom, nice to make your acquaintance". "Detective Amanda Rollins" she replied and she noticed how his eyebrows slightly arched when she said 'detective'.
In the meanwhile Liv had taken a seat in a second purple chair, situated next to the first, so Amanda sat down on the couch opposite the chairs.
"Why don't we start with why you're here".
Amanda shot Olivia a questioning glance. The brunette in return nodded slightly, giving the blonde the go-a-head and conveying to her that it was alright and time to open up. And Liv wasn't going to make it too easy by telling the story for her.
"Uhm well… I was uhmm… Assaulted a few days ago" Amanda said. "Well uhm… I was… raped actually" She whispered the last two words as though saying it out loud would make it more real and horrifying than it already was.
"I'm sorry to hear that" Lindstrom said sympathetically, "But why are you here?".
Liv, who was used to his methods, wasn't surprised at all by the question but Amanda didn't understand and looked completely puzzled. Then it dawned on her. "I keep having flashbacks" she said timidly, "every time someone touches me I flinch and I scream myself awake at night because I have these nightmares".
The shrink nodded. "I understand, you went through a really traumatic experience. Can you tell me what you see and feel when you get one of these flashbacks?".
Amanda closed her eyes temporarily, allowing the string of flashbacks to pop back into her head. Then her eyes shut open. "pain" She whispered, "It's all happening again and there's nothing I can do. I'm so vulnerable, so weak".
Admitting to the last part was extremely difficult for her and her eyes were filled with moisture that threatened to spill.
"Try to focus on reality when that happens. Keep your eyes open and look at something familiar and lock your gaze on it. Try to take in as many qualities of the object until you feel like you've calmed down" Lindstrom advised her.
Then he looked at Liv. "You obviously got yourself involved in this, so maybe you can help her. You know some of the tricks I told you". It was clear from his tone that he thought Olivia helping out was a bad idea but that he also knew she wouldn't stop until she was pushed to far.
"I also think it's good if you go to a group meeting, that way you can meet women who've been through the same experience and also learn from them".
"Now our forty minutes are almost over so we're out of time. It might be a good idea if you go talk to my receptionist and make your own appointment. I'll be able to help you better if we have a bit more time".
Understanding the subtle hint for her to leave the room she stood to make her way out. She wasn't sure whether she liked the man or not but she was sure she needed counseling and this was a good start.
When the door shut behind her Olivia looked her therapist in the eye. "I suppose you have some comment about me helping myself first?".
"Olivia, be honest with yourself. This isn't a good idea. You're still traumatized yourself and in no way ready to take on this responsibility".
Liv sighed. Part of her knew that the guy was right and that he was just trying to look out for her. But she had more faith in herself. She knew she could help Amanda, after all, that's what she did at work as well. This case was maybe a bit more personal but that made her all the more determined to succeed.
"I think I can" She said confidently, "Hell, I know I can. But if it makes you feel any better I promise if it ever gets to much for me, I'll make it known".
He didn't like the idea of that, but he also knew that he wouldn't change her mind now that it was so made up. So for the time being he let it go. And he bid goodbye as the two women made their way out of his office.
AN; Here's another chapter for you. I hope you guys still like it and I'd like to thank everyone for following and reviewing, it really means the world to me! I hope I can continue living up to your high expectation. Xx B.