At dinner the five of them eat in their room, though lately they have joined the Miyamotos in the main part of the house. Raphael sits between Leo and Mikey and finishes his portion, but doesn't take seconds, though there's plenty. He is quiet throughout the meal as the others talk, about how good it is to be together again and how lucky it was that Usagi brought them here and Raph could find them. Raph is almost docile throughout all this, and Leo knows that means an explosion is imminent.

"What did you do in the war while you were gone?" Dante asks, downing his third bowl of rice. He has eaten well since they got here.

"Nothing in the war. Lots of training and stuff," Raph says. "The biggest thing I did was help people who were leaving Hiroshima after the bomb. I put out mats for them to lie down on and got supplies."

Dante is muffled, a big bite of food in his mouth. "Did you look for us?"

Raph nods, very serious. "Everyone that came in I looked at really hard. Nobody was as ugly as you guys, though."

Dante gasps, and the rest of them laugh. It feels so good to laugh together over a meal again, even over this. But Raph is still quiet other than this, no visible anger or even a bad mood. Just this quiet shakiness.

They clear up the dishes together to be washed, and Leo tells Dante he can stay up as late as he likes. Pleased, Dante runs off to find Jotaro—he'll be disappointed, since his friend has school tomorrow. He exchanges a worried look with Mikey, who has stuck close to Raph all evening. Leo had hoped his sunny presence would help Raph feel more normal, but it doesn't seem to have worked very well.

Afterwards, Leo takes Raph to the shrine.

It takes Raph a moment to find sensei, still wrapped in the hood, and it's clear he is looking for an urn at first.

When he does finally notice, his shoulders stiffen up, the way sensei's used to when he was upset about something. He takes a few steps forward, fingers shaky as he opens the hood, runs his thumb over the top of the skull. Leo bites his lip.

Then Raph drops to the floor and wails, a sound that cuts into Leo like a knife and makes him drop down too, grabbing his brother's shoulders. Raph looks at him, eyes wild.

"The kids are in bed, Raph," Leo says, hoping he sounds reasonably calm. "You can't–"

"I can! And I will!" Raph spits at him, voice shaking. He shoves Leo away, covers his eyes with his hands, and Leo is afraid that this has driven him to madness.

He cries there, and Leo knows the rest of the house can hear his wracking sobs, that Jotaro and Dante are probably awake and huddled in their bedrolls. But they won't come near this brother right now. They'll let the wild animal grieve in peace.

"All I ever did was fight with him," Raph chokes out. He turns to look at Leo, pulling his hands away, and his face is a mess of tears and snot already. "I-I never listened to him, and he still talked to me and let me stay there! He wrote me letters after I left," Raph says, soft. Then he's crying again.

Leo has never seen him this way before. Raph has cried before, in private, hatefully telling Leo not to let anyone else know, but this is visceral, cutting grief. Raph is not used to feeling this way, and Leo is not equipped to help him. Not this time.

"Raphael," Leo says, in the gentle voice he thought he'd lost when Dante left toddlerhood. "He knew you didn't mean it. He didn't hold anything against you, he–"

"But I did mean it," Raph says, gasping the words. "I meant every word, Leo! I just, I …" His shoulders give another great shake. "I thought I would come home a hero, or I'd at least die out there and not have to deal with it. I want to talk to him. Just once more, Leo, but he fucking burned to death!"

Leo lets him cry, leaving his hand on Raph's shoulder.

"Fuck you," Raph manages after awhile, sitting up and wiping his eyes. "Don't tell the others I lost it, I just …ugh. God."

Leo doesn't say that they've already heard him, though it's tempting. "I won't. It's okay, Raph."

"It's not and you know it," Raph snaps. Leo feels a sudden wave of guilt. If he just been able to dig out sensei, their family would at least be whole. He and Raphael could discuss all these years of arguments, and Leo could relax slightly about keeping the family afloat.

But that isn't how life is going to be, and he's done well accepting it so far.

"I'm sorry," Leo says after a moment. He's looking at the floor now, unable to meet either Raph's gaze or that of the skull on the shrine, peeking out from under the cloth. "He's dead because I couldn't dig him out of the house. I—I found Donnie and Dante, but he was stuck under this huge crossbeam …"

He looks up, and Raph has stopped crying, looking at him hard. Leo braces himself.

"Leo," he says. "I … okay. The Americans dropped that thing. Not you. And if you weren't here, I don't know … I don't know," he says, and his face is in his hands again.

"I can't be mad at you," he chokes through his fingers. "I thought you were all dead, Leonardo, I went home for all your bones … but you're not. I don't think I could hold that against you, when it's not your fault."

That is … profound, almost, for Raphael. It is relieving for Leo, at least, to know that his brother doesn't hold it against him that he couldn't save sensei. Though Leo still holds it against himself.

He pulls his brother to his feet. "We should go to bed."

Raph runs his hand over his head, nodding, then slinging his arm around Leo's shoulder.

"We'll have to find jobs," Raph says, as they walk back. "We can't take too much more charity, and the kids need to be in school."

"Yeah," Leo says. Raph ought to finish school too, sensei would have wanted that. "But let's not think about that now."

All he wants to think about is how nice it will be, for the five of them to sleep in a room together again. When they get back, Donnie is still awake, reading, and he and Leo exchange a glance as they get ready for bed. They don't mention what the others must have heard, just down the hall.

"Now I can sleep next to you," Raph says, eyelids drooping. "Instead of by your feet like in that tiny room at home. Donnie used to kick, ugh."

Leo smiles.