I guess an apology is the only way to start after such a long gap between updates…so here it is: I am so, so, so, sorry for not updating! I couldn't really think what I wanted to write and every time I tried it wasn't turning out how I wanted it to. But now I think I know the direction that I want to go in, so I am going to try and update more regularly. I want to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapters and read…thanks for sticking with me!

The lyrics from the start of the chapter are "These Bones" by Dashboard Confessional.

Chapter Ten: I Just Can't Take It

Lately I just can't shake it
I count the days in seconds and minutes
Hours and hours are subtle as shards of glass
In the skin

It was a few days since Ray's therapy session and he still hadn't talked to Neela about it like he had told her he would. Not that she wanted to push him to do something that he wasn't comfortable with, but Neela really wanted him to feel like he could talk to her about this, to know that she was there for him. She had tried to bring the subject up a few times, but each time Ray had either just abruptly changed the subject or else he had made some excuse to leave the room. She knew that she had to give him time, but sometimes she just wished that she was the one who he was opening up to, and not some stranger. She had even gone as far as wishing that he had never went to the therapist before scolding herself for being so selfish. She wanted Ray to feel like he had before, and get back to the way they had been. And if that meant that he talked to someone else and sorted through his problems then so be it.

Turning over in bed, Neela smiled as she looked at Ray. He was turned toward her, his face an image of peacefulness as he slept. Reaching her hand out she gently ran her hand over his cheek, smiling wider when he turned his face towards her hand. Looking at the clock and seeing that she had to get up and get ready for work; Neela pushed down the covers and climbed out of bed.

"Where're you going?" Ray asked as he pushed himself up on his elbows, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he looked at Neela.

Getting her clothes from the wardrobe and laying them on the end of the bed, Neela looked at him with a frown as she said,

"I have work at ten"

"Oh…I could come with you if you want" Ray asked with a small smile. He hated the fact that Kerry still wanted him to stay off work until he was better, both physically and mentally. He appreciated what they were doing for him, but sometimes he just wished that they would let him deal with it in his own way.

"No, you should get your rest. Maybe after work we can rent a movie and get a pizza?" Neela asked as she walked over and kissed him on the cheek.

Smiling up at her, Ray nodded his head as he said,

"Sure…although nothing cheesy this time", he added with a grin, remembering the last time she had picked the movie. He had been made to sit through "Dirty Dancing" and he swore to Neela that if she ever did it again he was going to play his stereo at full volume every night when she was sleeping for the rest of her life if she ever did it again.

"Very funny…then you can come and meet me and we'll pick one together" Neela said with a grin of her own before turning and walking to the bathroom.

Stepping into the shower she wished that Ray could be there. They hadn't slept together yet, and hadn't gotten further than heavy make out sessions since they had officially begun dating. Neela didn't want to push Ray to sleep with her just because they were going out and he thought that he should…she wanted it to be something they both wanted and at a time when they didn't have so much hanging over their heads.

Stepping out of the shower and drying off after she had washed her hair, Neela changed into her clothes and dried her hair off before walking back to the bedroom. Seeing that Ray had fallen asleep again, she leaned down and kissed her on the cheek before turning and making her way to the kitchen to get some breakfast before work.

It was noon when Ray finally woke up again, pushing the covers down and sighing when he saw the time. He hated the fact that Neela was in work and he wasn't…and had to laugh when he thought that. He never thought he would see the day when he would rather be standing in a busy ER with charts up to his elbows than lying in bed until the afternoon. Yawning, he pushed himself up and made his way to the kitchen, getting a drink of water. Just as he was about to go to the bathroom and get a shower the phone rang. Thinking that it was Neela, Ray smiled to himself as he made his way over to the couch and picked up the phone.

"Hello", he asked, expecting to hear Neela's voice on the other end of the line. Receiving no answer, Ray's brow furrowed as he repeated,

"Hello?", thinking that maybe the person on the other end of the line hadn't heard him. He was about to hang up when he heard the sound of someone breathing on the other end of the line, making his heart quicken in his chest, feeling as though it where kicking his chest from the inside. His palms began to sweating as he wondered who was on the other line.

He knew it was stupid and that it couldn't be, but he kept thinking that it was his father and this only aided in making him gulp for air.

Hitting the "end" button on the phone and letting it fall to the floor with a crash, Ray dropped to the sofa, his head in his hands, trembling, and tried to calm his breathing. After a few minutes he was breathing at a normal pace again and his heart had stopped racing, but his hands where still shaking as he bent down to pick up the phone. Setting it back in the cradle he walked to the bathroom and stopped in front of the mirror, his hands leaning on the sink as he studied his reflection.

He was pale and a thin film of sweat covered his forehead, his eyes brimmed with tears for something he had no reason to fear. He knew that his father was dead and that he couldn't hurt him…but then why did he had a full blown panic attack over someone on the phone who didn't even speak a single word.

Turning on the shower, Ray stripped down and jumped in, letting the water pound over him. He knew that this was something that he should tell Neela, or even Roger…but he knew that they would think he was stupid for panicking over stuff a stupid thing.

Getting dressed, Ray looked at the clock and saw that it was only four in the afternoon. Knowing that Neela wasn't home until six Ray grabbed his keys and left the apartment, deciding that a walk might be the best way to clear his mind.

Walking out of the doctor's lounge with her coat wrapped around her, Neela smiled at Abby and Luka as she said goodnight to them, happy to be going home. She had been thinking about Ray all day and couldn't wait to watch a movie with him, cuddled up on the couch like they always did.

Stepping out into the ambulance bay, a frown appeared on her face when she didn't see Ray. He had said that he was going to meet her at the end of her shift and she knew that she had told him what time she got off, so why wasn't he here? Pulling her cell phone from her pocket Neela called Rays number and put the phone to her ear. Her confusion soon turned to worry when he phone automatically went to answer machine. She knew that Ray never left the apartment without his phone, and if he was on his way to meet her then surely he would have it with him; and she was sure that the battery hadn't died as she had charged it the night before with her own.

Walking on a bit to see if he was just waiting around the corner, Neela was surprised that he wasn't. Thinking that maybe he had just forgotten, as he had been half asleep when she had said to him to meet her after work, Neela told herself not to worry.

Probably still in the apartment wondering where I am! Neela thought as she mounted the stairs to the EL. Rushing on just before it pulled off, Neela sat down in a seat, watching out the window and trying to keep the terrible thoughts of what might have happened to Ray out of her head.

Pushing her key into the lock, Neela let the door swing open and walked through as she called out,

"Ray!"

Closing the door behind her, she walked into the living room and set her back down, worried when he wasn't there. Checking the rest of the rooms in the apartment, her worry rising as each room that she opened were dark and empty, Neela rushed back to the living room.

Seeing Ray's phone sitting on the coffee table, something she had missed the first time she had walked in, Neela realized that he had left without it. The tears which had been brimming in her eyes as she worried what might have happened; Neela picked up the phone and called Abby at work.

"Hello, Abby Loc-", Abby began, but she was cut off by Neela as she frantically asked,

"Abby, is Ray there…did Ray come to the ER?"

"No, why is something wrong is he hurt?" Abby asked, concern evident in her own voice, hearing the chocked sound of Neela's.

"I don't know Abby…he was supposed to meet me after work and he didn't…and you know how he's been the past few weeks, he hasn't been dealing with this…what happens if he's done something Abby…" Neela asked, the tears falling down her cheeks as she collapsed into the sofa, the phone still pressed to her ear.

OK, I hope that you liked this chapter…and that evil little cliffhanger! Will Ray be alright, or is he hurt? Please review and let me know what you think!