Chapter 10: You Meant It

The next day, Olivia and Rae got up at the same time. They took turns showering and getting dressed. Olivia offered to make something for breakfast but Rae told her she was going to the coffee shop. Maureen had called her while Olivia was in the shower and wanted to meet her for breakfast and she'd agreed. Olivia paused for a moment hearing that Rae was meeting Maureen for breakfast. She thought they'd stopped talking after Elliot retired and they moved away. Rae explained that Maureen was thinking about transferring back to a school in the city so she was there doing visits. She was going to meet with her for breakfast and then go with her to see some schools when she was done with class. Olivia was starting to get on her nerves asking questions about how long she'd be in the city, who was with her, where they'd moved to.

"I don't know, Olivia" she said annoyed. "I didn't ask". She knew she was only asking because she wanted to get an idea of what Elliot was up to. "I have to go. I'll see you later". Even though she was still mad at her from the night before she kissed her and told her she loved her before grabbing her bag and heading out the door. Olivia made herself some eggs and toast and ate quickly. She made herself a cup of coffee to take with her, grabbed the bag of gifts and her files and headed out the door to work. When she got to work, everyone bombarded her with questions about how their vacation went, what all they saw, what places they went to, and when they'd see pictures. Olivia said she'd bring in her camera the next day and they could go through all the pictures to their hearts' content.

"Are those presents in those bags, by chance?" Munch asked eyeing the bag containing all of the smaller gift bags that Olivia had sat on her desk.

"Why, yes they are John" she said opening the bag and looking at the name tags. She found the one with his name on it and handed it to him. She did the same for Fin, Nick and Capt Cragen. She thought for a minute about whether she wanted to give Rollins her gift or not before finally taking the bag and putting in her bottom desk drawer. Amanda sat at her desk watching everyone open the gifts that Rae and Olivia bought for them. She didn't let it show on her face but she was a little hurt that they hadn't gotten anything for her. Fin noticed that his partner didn't have a bag and it didn't sit right with him. He knew that Olivia wasn't really a fan of hers since she'd flirted with Araeyah but to get everyone a gift but her was out of line. He was definitely gonna have a talk with Liv about it later. He went over to Amanda's desk and leaned down to whisper to her.

"Don't take it personal" he said softly. She smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm not" she said. She understood why Benson didn't like her to a point. She realized that she wasn't happy that she'd flirted with her girlfriend but she didn't know that Rae was her girlfriend. Now that she did, she was making a conscious effort to keep away from her and not cause any problems. She didn't understand how Olivia could still be upset with her.

"I'm gonna talk to Olivia about this". Rollins quickly shook her head from side to side.

"No, don't. Don't do that. It's really, it's not a big deal" she said quietly. Fin wasn't convinced that her feelings weren't hurt just a little.

"It'll blow over soon. She won't stay mad forever" he said giving her a pat on the shoulder before going back to his desk. They all worked quietly at their desks, hoping for a nice, quiet day. The hours passed and it was finally time for lunch. They were discussing where they wanted to eat when Rae walked through the squad room doors. Amanda caught sight of her and as hard as she tried she couldn't pull her eyes away. Rae wore a multi-shaded purple dress with pockets at the waist that stopped just above her knees with a pair of purple sandals. She pulled her hair into a low ponytail on one side and wore the locket necklace that Olivia bought her Christmas around her neck. It came down and sat perfectly between her breasts, putting pressure on the fabric and causing it to outline her bra. John saw Amanda staring and walked over and subtly kicked her chair before going over to greet Araeyah and thank her for the gifts. She said it was no problem.

"We were happy to get them" she said smiling. Amanda's staring, John's kick and now Amanda's attempts to avoid eye contact with her weren't as discreet as she was sure they were hoping they'd be. She decided to ignore it for now and get to the point of why she'd come. "Uh, where's Liv?" she asked.

"She's in the captain's office" Fin said pointing that way, "Just a little check in after her vacation" he said letting her know she wasn't in any trouble.

"Ok" she said, "Well, ummm, can you tell her I'm downstairs waiting for her in the car?" she asked nicely as she backed away towards the door.

"Of course" Nick said.

"Thank you. I'll see y'all later". She turned and headed out of the squad room to the elevators. Fin decided to follow her and talk to her about the gifts.

"Hey, Araeyah, wait up" he said calling after her. She stopped and turned around just as he caught up with her. "I wanted to ask you about something".

"Ok. What is it?" she asked curiously.

"Why didn't you and Liv get Rollins anything? You got Haden something and not her?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked confused by the question. She had no idea who this Haden person was and she was positive that she'd put Amanda's gift in the bag with all the others.

"Well, Olivia gave out all the gifts this morning and Amanda didn't get one. Is she still mad about the whole flirting thing because Rollins didn't know about you two then and sh…." Rae put up her hand to stop him from going any further.

"Fin, what do you mean she didn't get one? We bought her a gift. I bagged and labeled it myself" she said. Fin looked like a deer in headlights. He suddenly regretted saying anything to Rae, figuring Olivia had her own reasons for withholding Rollins' gift that she didn't want Rae to know anything about. At the same time that he was figuring out what was going on, Rae was too. She stepped around him and started to walk back to the squad room.

"Rae wait" he called after her but she just continued walking. "Damn" he said under his breath. He knew he'd just opened a can of worms and couldn't put the lid back on it. He quickly followed her back to the squad room hoping he'd be able to stop whatever altercation would happen between them. When they walked back into the squad, Olivia was at her desk. She looked up as Rae walked was walking over to her and smiled.

"Hey babe, I was just on my way down" she said leaning in to give her a kiss. Araeyah backed away, not letting her kiss and Olivia realized how pissed off she looked. "What's wrong?" she asked. When she walked back into the squad room, she had every intention of tearing Olivia a new one right then and there. But she looked around and saw everyone staring at them and decided that wouldn't be the best thing to do. She took a calming breath and shook her head.

"You ready to go?" she asked avoiding her question. Olivia was confused by her mood but was sure she'd find out soon enough what it was about. She nodded her head and grabbed her purse and they headed out the door to go to lunch together. They went to the café that always gave Rae free coffee and sat down at her favorite table in the back by the window. Olivia got the soup and salad with tea and Rae ordered soup and sandwich with a coffee. They'd been eating in silence for five minutes before Olivia finally spoke.

"How were things with Maureen this morning?" she asked.

"Weird" she answered. "It's been awhile since we talked, you know". Olivia nodded her head. "I have one more class and then I'm gonna meet back up with her to visit some schools".

"Which schools?" Rae shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know. She has a list" she said finishing her soup. She took a knife and cut her sandwich in half and gave half of it to Olivia and Olivia gave the unfinished half of her salad to Rae. Olivia could tell that there was something bothering Rae. Besides her not wanting to kiss her earlier, she was being curt with her. She didn't really seem like she wanted to be having a conversation with her.

"What's wrong?" she asked hoping she wouldn't have to fight to get it out of her but knowing that she would.

"Nothing" she said picking at the salad in front of her. "I'm fine".

"You're not fine. Something's bothering you" she said.

"Ok, fine. Something's bothering me" she admitted.

"What is it?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Not right now anyway". She picked up her sandwich and took a bite.

"Ok. Then we'll talk about it at home tonight" she said not leaving any room for negotiation. "You mean if you come home tonight" Rae thought to herself. She decided not to say it aloud. Arguing wasn't something she was in the mood for so she opted to not say anything. They finished their lunch and she drove Olivia back to work and walked up with her to the squad room. Olivia went to the bathroom and Rae went over to her desk. She opened her drawers, looking for the bag of gifts they'd bought for everyone, and found it in the bottom drawer. She looked through it and found the one with Amanda's name on it. She pulled the bag out and took it over to her.

"This one is for you" she said sitting the bag on her desk. Amanda looked up at her and then at the bag on her desk, realizing that it was like the bags everyone else had gotten. They had gotten her a gift after all.

"Thank you" she said softly. The longer Rae stood in front of her, the faster her heart beat.

"Well, don't you wanna open it?" she asked. Amanda was about to nod her head and open her gift when she saw Olivia walking back into the squad room. She quickly took the bag off her desk and put it in her drawer motioning her head to get Rae to look behind her. She turned around and saw Olivia walking through the door. She rolled her eyes and turned back around to Amanda. She was annoyed with everyone walking on egg shells so they wouldn't upset her. She walked around to the drawer Amanda had stuffed the bag in, opened it and pulled the bag back out, sitting it on top of her desk. "Open it" she said. Olivia saw Rae standing at Amanda's desk and the blue bag sitting in front of her. "Of course, she gave it to her herself" she thought as she sat down. She figured that must've been what Araeyah was upset about earlier and wondered which one of her teammates had said something to her about Amanda not getting a bag. She tried her best to pretend it wasn't bothering her and focus on the paperwork on her desk. Amanda shifted uncomfortably in her seat as she untied the ribbon and opened the bag. She reached in a pulled out a jar and laughed when she saw what was inside.

"Peaches, huh?" she said chuckling at the joke. Rae laughed. She was glad Amanda found the gesture amusing.

"I had a jar of my own and I got one for my brother. He's obsessed with peaches. They're his favorite. Anyway, they're really, really good" she said smiling. "Keep going. There's more". Amanda reached her hand in the bag again and pulled out a small booklet with her name on it. She could see that her name and the front cover had been decorated by hand. That was the reason Scott had come to their apartment the day before. He decorated Amanda's gift, as well as Alex's and her mother's. Amanda caressed the book lightly with her fingers and admired the artwork. "It's a ticket stub diary. Whenever you go to a sporting event, you keep the stub and put it in the book. It's…like a scrap book" Rae said explaining what the book. "I know you're a sports fan so…I thought it would be a nice gift". Amanda shifted uncomfortably in her seat again. A book to collect sports memorabilia was the last thing she needed right now. Collecting sports memorabilia meant she had to go to sporting events and going to sporting events was out of the question right now. She was a sports fan, a big sports fan. That was kind of a problem, a big problem, for her. Right now, it was the biggest problem she had. But at the moment she could think of a bigger problem in the making. She was falling for Olivia's girlfriend and she didn't know how to stop it.

"It's uh, it's very nice" she said softly admiring the book.

"Good. I'm glad you like it" she said nicely. "I have to go. I have class". She walked over to Olivia's desk and stood next to her chair. Olivia tried her hardest not to look up at her but she couldn't help it. She lifted her head and brought her eyes up to meet her girlfriend's. She was angry with her; or at least she thought she was. But when she looked into her eyes all of her anger disappeared. Rae leaned down and kissed her on the lips. "We'll talk about this at home tonight?" she asked softly. Olivia silently nodded her head. Rae gave her another quick kiss, said goodbye to everyone and left.

She went to class and then met up with Maureen after. They went to five different campuses, including Fordham. She wasn't sure if she wanted Maureen to go to school with her. Olivia was already fishing for info about Elliot and if Maureen was around all the time it would only get worse. Still, she showed her the campus and left the decision up to her. After she left with Maureen she went to see her mother and Jimmy and give them the gifts she'd gotten for them on her trip. On her way home, she got a call from Olivia asking for her to come get her from work. After a brief discussion about why she couldn't drive herself home, she agreed to go pick her up. She'd been waiting in the car for ten minutes for Olivia to come down so they could go home. She was trying to be patient and just wait but it was starting to feel like she had a seven pound baby sitting on her bladder and she just couldn't wait anymore. She got out of the car and went up to the squad room to look for her. She was with Nick talking to the Captain in his office, she assumed about the case they were working on. She asked Fin to let her know that she was in the bathroom if she came out of the office before she'd come back. He gave her a nod and she walked off to the bathroom. She pushed the door open and walked inside, and was stopped in her tracks by what she saw. Amanda heard the door open and saw her come in and immediately pulled her shirt down but she knew that Rae had seen it. She'd been standing in front of the mirror with her shirt up looking at bluish-purple bruises on her stomach. The color wasn't good. It meant that her bruises were new and they'd take a while to heal. Rae knew that from all the different medical books she'd read and her time volunteering at the hospital. She could tell that Amanda was embarrassed and wanted to get out of there. She started for the door but Rae blocked her way.

"Amanda" she said softly.

"I'm fine" she said quickly. She didn't want to talk to her about it. She was embarrassed and the last person she wanted to know about her gambling problem was Araeyah.

"You're not fine" she said. "Someone hit you". Amanda started to argue with her but she didn't want to hear it. "I'm pre-med and I've volunteered in a hospital. I know what it looks like when someone's been punched in the gut. Who hit you?" she asked.

"It's nothin'. Hazard of the job" she said nonchalantly.

"You're terrible at lying" she said bluntly. Amanda laughed.

"I can definitely argue with you on that one" she said.

"Fine. You're terrible at lying to me" she said amending her statement. Amanda locked eyes with her and her breaths became uneven. "Someone hurt you".

"It's been handled" she said honestly. She held eye contact which let Rae know she was telling her the truth. Rae could tell that she didn't want to explain any further and she couldn't wait to get away from her.

"Fine" she said softly. She stepped to the side and let Amanda past her to leave the bathroom. "Amanda" she said stopping her as she was almost out the door, "If you change your mind and you want to talk about it…..I'm here", she said nicely. "Just get my number from Fin". Amanda started to say that she was fine and she wouldn't change her mind but the words wouldn't leave her mouth. She just nodded her head and then left the bathroom, going back to her desk. A little more than five minutes later, Rae walked into the squad room and Olivia was waiting for her. They said their goodbyes and headed home. They walked into their apartment at eight forty and Rae immediately went to the bedroom to change out of her dress. Olivia followed and changed out of her clothes too.

"Do you want to order take out for dinner?" Olivia asked from inside the closet. Rae was in front of the mirror brushing her hair.

"You can if you want" she said across the room. "I'm not hungry". She finished brushing her hair, brushed her teeth then went over and got into bed. She pulled out her laptop and got started on her homework for her online class. Olivia got into bed next to her and pulled her book from the night stand drawer to read. She and Rae had agreed to talk when they got home but now she was acting like she didn't want to. She read her book until Rae shut down her laptop and put it away. She laid down to go to sleep but Olivia wouldn't turn her light off.

"I thought we were gonna talk?" she asked. Rae sighed and sat up against the headboard.

"Why didn't you give Amanda her gift?" she asked.

"I just….I was being jealous. I was jealous that you bought her a gift so I didn't give it to her" she answered honestly.

"Olivia, I bought everyone a gift. Everyone. Why are you obsessing over her? I don't get it" she said. She really didn't understand why Olivia was making such a big deal about her flirting with Amanda. It wasn't as if it were the first time she'd seen her flirt with someone.

"Because I saw the way she looked at you….and I heard the way she made you laugh" she said sadly. "I used to make you laugh like that and I haven't been able to do that for a while now. And then you couldn't…" she paused not wanting to bring up the fact that she couldn't please Rae but she couldn't help it. "I know you said it wasn't about me but it happened after you met Rollins and it's happened every time since. I'm sorry but that makes me jealous. I don't want you buying things for her and I don't want you talking to her anymore".

"Excuse me?" she asked offended. "First of all, you do not dictate whom I can and cannot speak to or who I can or cannot spend my money on, Olivia. Especially not because you're jealous. Second, you do not get to tell me that you don't trust me and then make it my fault. You have always known who I am. I have always let you see me for who I am. If you never said to me before that you have a problem with that, that's not on me. I flirt with people all the time. What makes her so different?"

"You meant it!" she yelled. "When you flirt with other people it's just a joke and I knew that, so even though it bothered me I never said anything. But when you flirted with her….you meant it. You liked it. I could see it on your face, in your smile. You meant it" she said sadly. Rae couldn't say anything because what Olivia was saying was true. She was serious when she flirted with Amanda and she really, really enjoyed it. She couldn't deny it because it'd be a lie and she never lied to Olivia. As if she needed anymore confirmation, Araeyah's silence told her everything she needed to know. She was losing her to Rollins and she didn't know what to do to win her back. She got up from the bed and grabbed her pillows, "I'm gonna sleep on the couch". She turned off her light and walked out of the bedroom. Rae took a deep breath and blinked back her tears then laid down to go to sleep.