Akamatsu Ken created and Kodansha owns Mahou Sensei Negima!
To hell with the rest of the disclaimer, I've sprained a fucking leg, I might lose my job, and frankly I0m not in the mood.
Sorry.
Proofreading, Edits and the Setting of Anything that Burns for this chapter by Darkenning.
What Makes Us Human.
Chapter Nine.
And All Shall Burn Equally.
Chapter Two.
Asuna.
"Now pay attention," Negi Tiberius Springfield asked, stopping before Asuna, Yue, Tsukuyomi, Skuld, Rito and Jean Luc, all of them, the small animal included, sitting on chairs of their own disposed around Mikado's backyard. It was early the next morning, but the alien doctor had already left for her job, after thanking Rito for the best breakfast she'd had in months. Clearly Mikan-chan had taught him something, Yue had to admit. "Being stranded in another world is no excuse for slacking off on your studies, so today I'll be teaching you some World History classes until John-san arrives and we can figure our next steps out..."
"Time out!" Asuna cried. "You don't even remember most of your class, but you still remember how to teach!?"
He smiled and tapped on his skull with a finger. "Much like combat training, a career education is something that won't recede that easily, Asuna-san."
"I'm not even supposed to go to school!" Tsukuyomi said.
"However, you are still in the legal age range for it, and earning an education might get you a job that doesn't involve stabbing others to death," Negi patiently explained.
"Why would I ever want that kind of job?!"
"It's always useful to have some sort of sideline to fall back on in the event you ever were disabled from continuing your main line of job, Tsukuyomi-san," Negi told her. "What would you do if an enemy were to cut your hands off on the battlefield?"
Rito blinked. "You're a very morbid kid, Sensei."
"... I'd kill myself?" Tsukuyomi said.
"Then again ..."
Negi chuckled lightly. "Don't be silly, how could you kill yourself with no hands? Bashing your head against a wall? You'd just knock yourself unconscious, you're just that tough. Now, I've been studying up on this world's history over the last few hours, while I couldn't sleep well, so let us start with a few Alternate History lessons..." he mused, opening a thick, relatively new book up. "The exact dates in this world are sort of blurry past a certain point, but this much is certain..."
"What is the use of learning about the history of another world?" Yue asked. "How will that help us in our world?"
"Those who cannot learn from others' mistakes are certain to repeat them," Negi lectured, primly pushing his bifocals up his nose. "Isn't that right, Zazie-san?"
The students all looked aside to see the local Zazie sitting on another chair beside theirs, nodding in silence. "Shouldn't you be in your class right now?!" Asuna demanded of her.
"I can learn much more here," Zazie flatly said. "Please continue with the lesson, Professor."
Negi nodded. "In 1485, Richard III defeated and killed Henry Tydder at the Battle of Bosworth Field, ending the War of the Roses."
"Like the movie?" Asuna asked.
"Which movie?" Negi asked preemptively.
"You know, that really depressing comedy with Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner and Danny De Vito?" Asuna asked back.
"What does that have to do with... No!" Negi exhaled. "The real War of the Roses was a history shaping conflict between the English houses of Lancaster and York. On our home universe, Richard III was killed in said battle instead, an event immortalized by Wiliam Shakespeare's eponymous play. That is why I decided to start by this divergence point between our histories, as it is-"
"- booooring!" Asuna summed up. "We're Japanese, what does that change for us? It can't even have changed England that much, since you dad still met and married your mom, and you still were born, and..."
"So in this universe the house of Tydder, later known as the Tudors, did not come into power. In 1576, John Dee, adviser to Queen Rosalind of England, advised her to create a British Empire through colonization. She embraced this vision, naturally."
"Oh, I know one John Dee!" Tsukuyomi happily chipped in. "Rather pleasant fellow, likes to hide his hideously scarred face behind a skull mask, and plagues people's dreams to their deaths under the alias of Doctor Destiny..."
"We don't want to hear about your supervillain friends, Tsukuyomi-san," Yue said.
"That man is long dead in this world anyway," Zazie shrugged blandly. The Elizabethan Dee, on the other hand, was still alive ... in a manner of speaking.
Tsukuyomi pouted. "This world sucks! All the cool people went off and died! So they didn't even have a Henry VIII?"
"No, they didn't. At least, there was no King of England or Emperor of that title." Negi coughed. "They did have a Queen Victoria, though, and from the histories, she seems to have been the sort of person you would have liked. In 1588, following the defeat of the Spanish Armada, Queen Rosalind adopted the throne name Victoria, and declared the establishment of the Brittannic Empire, beginning with the subjugation of Ireland."
"This is the part where we're glad Lancer-san didn't come along," Asuna observed.
"It's good to see some things remain the same no matter the universe and Spaniards stay pushovers here," Tsukuyomi philosophized.
"In 1642, the Brittanic Parliamentarian revolt was firmly, brutally crushed," Negi continued, tightening a fist for effect. "That meant-"
"Was that the same thing in that movie, where the guy in the Anonymous mask goes and takes the evil government down?" Asuna asked. "That was a real crime, if you ask me, having Hugo Weaving in your film and never showing his face off..." She heaved a long sigh, making Yue, Tsukuyomi, Rito, and even Zazie, to a degree, look oddly at her. "What? You have your tastes, I have mine!"
Negi decided to move past that point, since there was no point on dwelling on it for now. ""In 1776, the United States of America successfully rebelled against the Brittanic Empire and declared their independence, much like they did in our universe. This struck a heavy blow at the prestige and reputation of the Empire, and by 1812 the Royal family had to flee Great Britain for British North America following Napoleon Bonaparte's conquest of the British Isles, supported by the local Republican movement.."
"Wait, hadn't you just said the United States were independent by then?" asked Rito.
Negi nodded. "The Empire still held onto the territories of Upper and Lower Canada, however."
"Isn't Canada French territory, though?" Asuna scratched her head. "Or am I thinking of Germany?"
Negi facepalmed.
"You don't remember being a teacher that well either," Asuna told him. "Usually, you had way more patience than this..."
Negi took one of his deepest breaths ever and decided just to forge ahead, Audacia Paula. "In 1821, the Napoleonic Empire collapsed, and most European states (including Britain) became independent republics. Around this time, most South American regions took advantage of the unrest in Europe to declare their independence from Spain and Portugal. From 1917 to 1921, the European Civil War, the local equivalent to our World War One, was fought. The United States intervened, but the Brittanic Empire remained neutral."
Asuna was beginning to doze off already, but Yue stoically prodded her with a few subtle punts to the shin. It was almost like being back at home, during remedial classes...
"From 1940 to 1947, a Second European Civil War and Pacific War, rough equivalents to our World War Two, were fought, with the Brittanic Empire and United States as reluctant allies," Negi went on.
"Question!" Tsukuyomi raised a hand. "Was there an Adolph Hitler in this world?"
"Of course you would gain interest when history's greatest monster is mentioned," Rito mumbled.
"Yes, that was the name of the German Republic's Chancellor and later dictator during the Second European Civil War," Zazie answered for Negi. "In our history, he and his followers pursued a reign of terror directed primarily against Jews, Rom, political dissidents, the mentally ill, and homosexuals. They also tortured and murdered several members of my family. From your question, I presume that your world also knew such atrocities?"
Negi nodded. "And here I feel obliged to add something for Zazie-san's benefit. In our universe, Emperor Charles is England's sovereign, much like he is here to Brittania. While his family had not occupied the throne before World War Two, they never abandoned the isles either, and retained a large amount of influence regardless. In 1943, Hitler had his elite terror mongers the Red Skull and Baron Helmut Zemo massacre the British Royal Family in an attempt to demoralize Great Britain. It almost worked, too, but sensing the need for a monarchy to inspire the masses, Prime Minister Churchill influenced the rise of the Brittania House as the new Royal Family, which was a successful gambit. Perhaps too much, as, against Churchill's wishes, the monarchy ended up amassing far more actual political power than that it held before the war. Of course, the rest of you already knew that, but..."
"I didn't!" Asuna gasped. "Wow, so Princess Cornelia's grandpa fought the Nazis? No wonder she's so bada- um, so cool!"
"There's nothing 'cool' about that woman, she is only a glorified overzealous fascist," Yue muttered. "Her grandfather would actually be ashamed of her..."
"And that," Skuld added idly, looking aside and twirling a pencil between her fingers, "is also why Diana Spencer is a still healthy television personality instead of having died in a car crash over a decade ago."
"What does that have to do with anything of what I've said?" Negi asked.
"Who is Diana Spencer?" Zazie asked in turn.
Skuld shook her head. "That isn't relevant right now. Please just continue, Sensei."
"Um, all right," Negi said. "In 1948, the Area system for geopolitical division was established. In our reality, it was discussed, but never really passed discussions in the fledging United Nations. Area Eight was created after the Brittanic conquest of Jordan. Areas One through Seven consist of the territories of the Empire up to that point."
"I presume this United Nations is a counterpart to our own Alliance of Nations," mused Zazie.
Negi made a longer pause. "Now comes the most unsettling point of this timeline. Around fifty years ago, the temporal uncertainty demonstrated. That means, it's around that time period that determining exact dates for anything becomes increasingly more dificult."
"That must really suck," Asuna nodded.
"We have adapted. Most newspapers and television programs simply state the day of the week, rather than any formal dates. It's only when dealing with spans of time around a decade or more that year-long discrepancies begin to creep in," Zazie cut in.
Asuna bit her lower lip. "So does that mean, at some point you aren't even sure how really old you are? Man, I'm happy to be certain we live in 20XX."
The others with her nodded. All but Zazie, who blinked faintly and echoed, "20XX?"
"Forty years ago, the Brittanic Empire ended the North Vietnamese insurgency, establishing Area Nine. Ten years after, the first superheroes appeared in the United States," Negi read on.
"So they didn't even have the Justice Society here?" Rito asked.
"Justice Society?" Zazie asked.
Asuna nodded. "Even I know about them! The world's first superhero team, the true winners of World War Two! Captain America! The Spectre! Liberty Belle! Uncle Sam! Plastic Man! Starman! Phantom Lady!" she grinned widely. "The non-boring part of the history books, Zazie-san!"
"I see," Zazie dispassionately said, taking further notes. "There was, in our history, an individual who went by the nomme de guerre Captain America, but records are confused as to whether he was active during the Second European Civil War, fought as an ally of the Vietnamese during their insurgency, or was involved in an undocumented conflict at some point in between. Or possibly even all of the above. The rest of these names mean nothing to me."
"Around that time,this Earth records its first extra-terrestrial invasions," Negi expanded on. "Skrulls, soon followed by Keronians..."
"Keronians?" Yue asked. "Skrulls, everyone knows them, of course, but... Keronians? What kind of aliens are those?"
"They sound so funny, like the sound frogs make ... don't tell me they're frogs from outer space, or-!" Asuna began.
Zazie interrupted with a nod. "Indeed they are."
"Give me a break! I was just joking!"
Rito sighed. "I've heard of them, Lala and Nana have mentioned them a few times. A minor galactic empire, their father tolerates them because they aren't a major threat. I guess that's why they've never attacked our Earth..."
"Actually, they launched a few attempts, but none of them were ever successful, to such a degree you haven't even learned about them," Skuld shrugged.
Somewhere in the CLAMP Prefecture an universe away, a redhaired young woman with twintails angrily urged an oppressed bipedal green frog with large eyes who frantically moped their living room's floor. "Faster, you stupid frog! Faster! This is your mess, so you'd better clean it up before Mom gets home...!"
Negi's narration droned on by this point. "Shortly after, the Alpha Flight program began in the Brittanic Empire, but was eventually disbanded despite leading to the creation of the first Knightmare Frames."
Yue blinked. "Knightmare Frames are a reality here?"
"?" Zazie asked.
Yue elaborated. "In our world, many have tried creating working models of giant mecha or large scale mobile armor, like those you would see in anime, but so far all attempts, including England's Knightmare Frames, have been a failure. Out of all people, only our classmate Chao Linsghen, actually, has come close to it, with those gigantic models she built for the Mahorafest..."
Zazie nodded absently, although only one question was in her mind now. Who is Chao Lingshen?
Negi paused again. "Here comes another startling divergence point that perhaps hits the closest to home so far. Twenty five years ago, a young woman named Takamachi Nanoha began training in magic, eventually becoming a feared legend among the circles of magic users, the White Devil. Looks like Mikado-sensei's book dealers have contacts with our community, at least here..."
Yue gasped. "No way!"
Rito hummed. "Who?"
"You know that loose organization of Mahou Shoujo Akira has been involved with lately?" Asuna asked, further adding more questions to Zazie's mind. "One of them is a kid named Takamachi Nanoha! If she's the same person, then she's just starting the same career she began here like almost two decades ago!"
Tsukuyomi smirked venomously. "Oh my my, Asuna-han, are you sure you should be so loose with your tongue about your friends' secrets around me...?"
Asuna huffed. "Even if you don't end up dead in a well or something before we make it home- home-home, I mean, not Mundus Magicus- maybe you'll finally get the cue all our friends are really badass, so you'd better not mess with any of them!"
"Language," Negi chided. "Hmm, here it also says around that decade the detectives 'Sleeping Kogoro' and later 'Sleeping Sonoko' became famous across Japan, but... I don't see the relevance of that, why is that even underlined here? Now, the next bit, I recognize it, twenty one years ago, the Kira murders began in Japan. It seems the culprit never was found in this reality, however." He shrugged. "Well, even in our world there are diverging opinions on whether Yagami-san was the true responsible or not."
"We must be about to get to the Second Impact, right?" Skuld yawned.
Negi nodded. "Fifteen years ago, much like in our world, the Second Impact occurred. Many American superheroes were killed in the event or its immediate aftermath; many more would die over the next five years."
He closed the book with a sigh. "Most of what comes later is really just minutia, so let us conclude this history lesson and reflect on what we have learned..."
"I learned you British are always screwing things up for everyone, no matter if you come from England itself or Canada!" Tsukuyomi piped in.
"I learned lack of superheroes really dumps a world in the pits!" Rito said. "I used to mock them, their stupid clothes, and their complete lack of shame, but never again!"
"Pika pika pika pika, pika pikachu," Jean Luc opined.
"I have learned a fair bit about your homeworld's history and been left with a thirst for even greater knowledge, so you have performed the duty of any teacher admirably, Sensei. Thank you," Zazie bowed.
Asuna winced. "No offense, but after only hearing our Zazie talking like five times in half a decade, it's... kind of unnerving to see you are so talkative, Zazie-san."
"I reserve my words for those worthy my time and effort," Zazie plainly said. "No doubt my counterpart feels the same way."
"Was that supposed to be praise, or insult?" Yue doubted.
Zazie just smiled.
Then something else struck Yue. "Sensei! You just remembered Nanoha-san, as well!"
"I guess I did, didn't I?" he hummed, fairly surprised himself.
"But you still don't remember Nodoka?!"
"Ahhhhhh... no, sorry...?"
"Grrrrrrrr!"
"But enough of that historical nonsense, let us focus on the here and now," Tsukuyomi smiled mischievously. "What about this world's Negi-han and his... circle of intimate friends? Who are in there so far, exactly? Inquiring minds want to know..."
Yue flinched uncomfortably. "That," she said, "is not anything of our business or-"
"I'm sort of interested as well," Negi said dryly, surprising everyone, Tsukuyomi herself included. He rasped uneasily. "I'm not that foolish, you know. I have gathered John-san is assembling a... circle of wives of sorts. I hope you don't think me naive enough as to ignore that women and men can... get together and... raise families, even if the details, naturally, are lost to me," he added this with a red-faced rush that Yue found somewhat unnatural. "I'm not approving it in the slightest, but I also know it's not my calling to make, concerning others' personal lives. I just ask so I can know who I should be extra careful around while speaking to them!"
Zazie spoke again after a short contemplative silence. Perhaps their talk last night had yielded more results than she had imagined at first. So she ended up nodding, willing to continue this side experiment. "Very well, I will tell you."
"How are you so sure who's your teacher been... uh... courting or not?" Rito frowned, tenderly rubbing his nose, as if to stop it from leaking, a faint pinkish hue now on his fingertips. "Don't yell me he reports on you or-"
Zazie gestured vaguely with a hand towards the roof of Mikado's home, and down from it fluttered a small bird, which perched itself on Zazie's fingers, flapping its wings and chirping. "Not yet, but I have eyes and ears everywhere."
"Oboy, this brings a whole new dimension to all those times we see Zazie feeding birds and other animals every day..." Asuna mused.
"So far, as I have been able to gather, Negi-sensei has brought Illyasviel von Einzbern, Akashi Yuna, Saotome Haruna, Momioka Risa, Sawada Mio, Kasuga Misora and Itoshiki Sakura into his collective," Zazie shared. "Although I refuse to count Momioka and Sawada as part of it for ... a certain purpose ... until they learn they are, indeed, supposed to be part of those who will continue the Springfield legacy."
Rito, Skuld, Asuna and Yue had all begun choking violently. "I-Illya?!" the former two finally managed to cry.
Zazie nodded. "And from where you come, she is -"
"S-S-Sensei's half sister!" Yue gasped. "His father's daughter by another woman!"
Negi blinked. "I have other sisters besides Nekane? You never mentioned that..."
"We aren't all that fond of lllya-chan, actually," Asuna admitted after gulping for air. "You remember Berserker, don't you? Well, Illya-chan's the one who sicced him on you once."
"Oh," Negi said. And then, "Why would my own sister do that?"
"She's kind of crazy," Rito summed up. "But, to do... that... with her brother...!"
"It might be of relief to you to learn that, much like the case with Asuna Springfield, this universe's Illyasviel von Einzbern is not Sensei's biological sister. As I said before, Lord Nagi has no other offspring, and we have gone to some trouble to confirm this. However, since Illyasviel's parents and Sensei's coexist in a loose four-way marriage of sorts, they still count as siblings, in a way."
"Kinky...!" Tsukuyomi purred, chewing avidly on her lower lip.
"That... That's not much better at all, but thank God for the small reliefs... I guess?" Rito swallowed hard. His nose was freely leaking red all across the backyard's grass now. "Okay, Momioka and Sawada make good sense, they are just that... liberal... I could see it happening..." The bloodletting, if anything, only got worse, to the level of making Rito wobble in place, "And Misora-san's been carrying a torch for Sensei since almost day one, so..."
Negi blinked, perplexed, starting at his Misora card. "But... isn't she a nun in training? I had believed ours had been a mere alliance of convenience!"
"But who's Itoshiki Sakura, anyway?!" Rito demanded of Zazie. "We know Itoshiki-sensei, but we also know he's got only one sister and her name's Rin, so who is that, a cousin?"
"No, she is his sister but by adoption. She was born a Tohsaka."
"Oh, so she's Tohsaka Sakura-san!" Asuna sighed in understanding. "Wait, why was she adopted by Despair-sensei's family?"
"It makes sense, doesn't it?" Yue shrugged. "If the Tohsakas lost their parents just like in our world, it was more sensible to let both children go to adoptive parents rather than trusting them to live on their own."
"Correction, the Tohsakas' father died when they were children, but their mother lasted a few years longer than that, even if in a rather sorry state," Skuld pointed out. "That, combined with the Headmaster's patronage, was enough to allow them live on their own until now. Emiya-sempai's case isn't that much different. Or even yours, Asuna."
"I guess not," Asuna admitted with a shrug, while a troubled Negi held his Haruna, Yuuna and Misora cards in his hands, staring at them intently. So, were these three supposed to be his closest companions as well? No, that didn't mesh with what Yue had told him about this Chisame lady. And in all honesty, he gained a vaguely deeper degree of fondness from looking at Miss Hasegawa's card than he did for all others. Still, if his counterpart had clicked into... physical intimacy of some sort with them before all the others in his own team, did that mean he, too, was more or less destined to grown entangled with any or all of them in such a manner, at some point? Or was that another of the divergences?
Things to ponder and worry about, he considered grimly.
Or perhaps the opposite, things one should never stop to think about. That way madness lies...
"Itoshiki Sakura is also the pactio partner of Kasuga Misora," Zazie continued, seemingly oblivious to Negi's consternation. "And probably her closest friend, as well."
"Other than Cocone-chan, you mean?" Yue asked.
"?" Zazie blinked.
"Cocone Fatima Rosa," Asuna explained. "A younger nun at -
"- I am unfamiliar with any person by that name associated with our church," Zazie interjected. "And I monitor the comings and goings of its initiates rather closely."
"Well, that's weird."
"We still can go back," Skuld muttered between clenched teeth. "Let's just turn around while we still can, this is a terrible idea..."
"You have enacted your own terrible ideas, Miss Let's-Ally-With-Chao-To-Reveal-Magic," Yue muttered back as she all but shoved her, Negi and Rito ahead, staying behind with Asuna and a bored Tsukuyomi, at the entrance of Library Island. "Let me have mine, compared to yours, what harm can it bring?" she asked, before closing the doors after them, then pulling Baka Red and the psychopathic Shinmeiryuu back with herself, to sit on the front steps of the old building, just as large as it was in their home reality, but considerably more dilapidated. "What, indeed?" she sighed to herself. "I should know better, really, but...!"
Asuna smiled and patted her back. "It's a gamble, but you're right, you're entitled to this much. We need for him to start remembering the rest already, and it's not like the other me will ever come to a library willingly, so there's no danger of us meeting here..."
"Yes, and she and this world's Yue should still be in remedials with John-sensei," Yue sighed softly, glancing at her wristwatch. Next she looked up at the library's facade with a sad crack on her habitual stoic countenance. "You know, out of all the changes for the worse in this world, this feels like the worst blow to me so far..."
"To each their own," Tsukuyomi shrugged callously. "I've got nothing against a good book myself, so I can kind of sympathize..."
"What's a good book to you? Mein Kampf?" Asuna asked.
Tsukuyomi sneered. "Bite your tongue and poison yourself, I've never been into boring propaganda, even though I do believe the Reich had several good ideas! I'm just shocked you even know about it."
"It was mentioned once in a war movie I watched with Konoka," Asuna explained.
"Well, my faith on our universe's relative sanity is restored then..." Yue said.
Meanwhile, inside, Negi, Rito and Skuld approached the reception desk where two students were filing just returned books onto their carts, to be delivered back to their respective aisles next. Out of both of them, Haruna saw Negi first.
"Oh, hey, Negi-kun!" she waved with a smile. "Nice to see you... Oh," she had just also realized Rito and Skuld's presence with him, meaning this had to be the other Negi. The slightly more awkward and naive air about his greeting seemed to confirm it. "And you, and you too, Sempai..." she somewhat coldly told the Norn and the orange haired boy, the latter of whom flinched at this treatment.
"S-Sensei!" Miyazaki Nodoka gulped, stopping what she had been doing. "T-To what do we owe the honor of this visit...?"
Haruna sighed. "Nodoka-chan, let me to introduce you to Skuld-san and Rito-sempai, two... exchange students Sensei's helping around, you know, until they grow used to Mahora or leave, whatever happens first." Again, Rito winced at this latest part and its less pleasant delivery. "Looking for books on the local geography for them, Sensei?"
"World History of the twenty and twenty one centuries, actually, if you would please, Haruna-san, Nodoka-san," Negi asked with smooth charm, as Nodoka began nodding earnestly. He took a deep breath. "You've just waxed the floors, haven't you? It's a floor wax with a very nice-"
"EEEEEE!" Rito was heard shrieking as he slipped and fell right behind a suddenly sweating and frustrated Skuld and Negi, then crashing against a girl carrying a short stack of books, both of them collapsing in a heap on the wet floor. Predictably enough...
"AAAAHHH! NO!" the pretty, black haired young lady cried, pushing Rito off herself, his hand finally leaving the breast it had landed onto a second ago. "W-Wha-Wha-What!"
"Ah, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!" Rito panicked as only someone who has spent time with Kaga Ai could, dropping to beg forgiveness before then, then, as soon as he realized this new position was allowing him see under her skirt, he yelped and pulled himself back. Clumsily, he began reaching around for her dropped books instead. "I didn't mean to! Here, let me help you with this! Um..." he blinked, half turning to look curiously at her flushed face. "That's sort of funny, you look like someone from TV..."
"Th-Thank you!" the girl hastily took her books back, trying not to make actual hand to hand contact with him as she did so. She further blushed at this stranger obviously out to seduce her with the old shameless 'You look like a celebrity' flattery her sister had warned her against so much. Then she noticed something else as well, and that puzzled her. "Um, you remind me of someone too, actually ... S-Sorry, would you be related to a classmate pf mine, Yuuki Riko?"
"Wh-What?!" Rito almost choked out.
"Cousiiiiiin, don't bother this poor miss anymore!" Skuld screeched in a forced way, rushing over to violently pull him back to Negi's side. "Ah ha ha, sorry about that, Miss, my cousin's sort of dense and lacks proper muscle coordination! He's always slipping and falling, but rest assured, we're not related to anyone here...!"
The girl blinked, then smiled beautifully. "I see! W-Well, my apologies, but the resemblance's uncanny! She even has the same tendency to - ahem. How do you do, my name is Sairenji Haruna."
"Oh!" Rito gulped, staring in bewilderment at this younger version of the famous media personality from his world. He had even rubbed himself to fashion magazine pics of her a few times, before meeting Haruna-chan. That only made this situation even more uncomfortable. "N-Nice to meet you, I'm Rito and this is my sister Skuld..."
"Cousin," Skuld reminded him through gritted teeth, "but we were raised as siblings..."
"Yeah, anyone can tell," a now amused Haruna smirked evilly. "You act just like siblings do!"
Negi sighed at the seemingly averted imminent danger, and then explained to Nodoka, "They are staying over at Mikado-sensei's manor for now, Nodoka-san. Since they are, ah, her niece and nephew."
Haruna amusedly thought this was starting to look like a Donald Duck story, with so many random aunts and cousins and no parents and children at all. Then she remembered she was probably pregnant, and got even more amused. Or was she going to dump her kid on their Uncle/Aunt Ranma? "Heh-heh-heh," she laughed somewhat against her will.
"What is so funny, Haruna-san?" Negi asked, just the slightest bit annoyed at her.
"Nothiiiiing!" the mangaka chuckled, accepting the books the other Haruna was giving her and stamping their return certificates with her seal. "By the way, I'll be dropping by her house myself later, Sensei. To, um, settle on a few arrangements concerning... that thing, you know?"
"You mean your brother's health insurance forms, so he can enroll in Furinkan?" Nodoka asked, leaving Negi confused on whether this oddly specific guess was just complex thinking from Nodoka-san, something Haruna had hinted at her earlier, a strange random train of thought, or a veiled way of showing suspicion on Haruna's recent activities and circumstances.
Haruna nodded calmly, apparently nowhere as concerned about that as Negi was. "Yeah! So, Sensei, you and your friends might want to stay away for a few hours, since these things will... take a while, and I'm sure you aren't interested in them. Unless you are, in which case I'm sure none of us will object to your watching or even-"
"Thank you for the fair warning, Haruna-san," Negi said in a strained tone. "We'll keep that in mind."
"I'm sure we can spend time wandering around the campus until you're done," Skuld glacially told her.
"Are you that certain?" Haruna grinned. "It could actually take quite a long, long time. You sure you don't want to just stick around and -"
"No!" Skuld fumed, slamming a hand on the counter before pulling it back quickly, blushing at Nodoka's expression of astonishment over her outburst. "Ehrm, I'm sorry! Just ask for those books already, Sensei, I... I don't think I feel that well..."
Why would filling out health insurance forms take a long time? wondered Nodoka.
Now Negi, Yue, Asuna, Tsukuyomi, Skuld and Rito stood all together on a bridge overlooking the nearly desolate campus as night approached.
"This," Tsukuyomi said, surprising absolutely no one, "is so dull and boring! Are you sure you don't want to join in?"
"No," said laconically Asuna, Negi, Yue and Skuld, all at once. Rito didn't seem to be paying attention, his gaze fixed on the horizon.
"Well, then you stay here and I'll go myself!" Tsukuyomi decided, straightening her skirt down. "I'd kinda like to give that Yuna girl a try, and I think she liked me back, looks-wise at least..."
"I'm not paying you for that," Negi dryly said.
"You aren't paying me for anything yet," she harshly reminded him. "That payment better be really good or else..."
"Is it me," Asuna decided to change the topic much to everyone else's relief, "or people take the curfew way earlier around these parts?"
"Well," Yue shrugged, "apparently they crucify lawbreakers first and ask later, so are you really surprised? But we're with a teacher, so I'm sure we can work out an excuse."
"Do you think they crucify people in our world's Honnouji too?" Asuna asked.
"Haruka-sempai mentioned they do a lot of things secretively, so who knows?" Yue sighed. "She did see students being hit repeatedly as punishment, at the very least."
"Hmmmm," Asuna said. "But, this is still Mahora, not Honnouji. How much influence does the Black School have here? Why should they have any say in what we do or how we behave? What's the Headmaster doing?"
"Maybe," Negi said with a grim air of determination, "we should try and find out..."
Skuld, Asuna and Yue looked at him in aghast shock. "Ohhh, no, no, no!" Skuld ruled it out. "We aren't here to try and fix these people's messes! Whatever they are up to, that's entirely their own to settle! The sooner we're out and back home the better anyway!"
Negi frowned thoughtfully. "From what I've heard about my father since I woke up in Ariadne, that's not what he'd have done."
"Well, I don't see John-sensei's father here to fix the situation in these schools, so what does that tell you, hmmmm?" Skuld pressed on.
Negi's frown grew fiercer, even though not at Skuld herself. "That he is not as good a man as my father was... and that in turn, I must strive to be better than John-san."
"You aren't getting your students pregnant," Asuna pointed out, making Rito sigh very long and miserably. "So I'd say you already achieved that with flying honors! Don't let this go to your head, but meeting this guy has raised my opinion of you a whole lot...!"
"Thank you," Negi sincerely said, "but somehow, I still feel that is not enough. Evil doesn't prevail because evil people do bad things... but because good people do nothing. It's just so frustrating, seeing this area so miserable, so decaying, so unlike... so unlike..." he took a hand to his forehead and began massing it in circles. "Uuugghh, I'm kind of having a slight migraine now... Anyway, I'm not sure John-san really plans to actually stop this world's downward spiral! He's just counting on it to continue! It's, it's as if he were actually banking on it just so he can accomplish this insane plan of his!"
"Maybe he's just smart enough to realize we can't change the world ourselves but adapt to it, unlike you and Sextum-han," Tsukuyomi pondered, oddly quiet of a sudden. "You are dreamers, but he already woke up... in more than one sense."
"No," Negi said firmly. "He, too, is foolishly bound to a dream, even more than Sextum-san. And my dream isn't unreasonable at all, I only want to find my father and make him proud!"
Tsukuyomi smirked cruelly at him. "Of course, what marks the difference between your sane dream and his insane goals is his involve his students, and yours would rather not, am I right...?"
Negi recoiled at that playful recrimination as if a viper had just bitten him, while Asuna and Yue paused, rather startled themselves even if because of different reasons. Rito only allowed himself a slight bitter smile, and Skuld only shook her head and muttered on the foolishness of all these people.
And then, from the East, a great commotion ensued, making them all turn their heads around.
"Oh, no," Yue quietly said, yet with an air of unmistakable horror in her wide eyed, for Yue's standards anyway, surprise. "This can't be happening, I can't be drawn into this yet again..."
Negi acrobatically jumped off the bridge, heading feet first towards the two tall men in black chasing two girls across the long road below. They had just arrived moments ago, the former already catching up to the latter. Of the two young women, the one who looked strikingly like Rito was yelling for help and randomly whacking the men with a lacrosse stick, but one of them simply stopped her strikes easily with a single hand and a dry, condescending mild grunt.
That was, until Negi's magically reinforced fist collided against his face, shattering his rather cool looking shades.
"Sensei!" Yue cried out from above, even as Tsukuyomi giggled and joined him down, and Asuna charged her kanka to follow in with a long leap of her own. "Whatever you do, don't grab the tail!"
A disturbed Rito stood by Yue, hefting the Keyblade on a slightly trembling hand. "W-Wow," he gulped. "I never dreamed I'd ever live through the weirdest night of my life twice...!"
His eyes were fixed on this other Rito as he shrieked and moved out of Tsukuyomi's way, fortunately for her, and the mad swordsmaster clashed squarely with the second man in black, managing an early slash through his shirt and jacket thanks to the surprise element. However, clearly, this Rito was no man, but...
"Dammit," Rito, the one overlooking the fight that was, balled up his free fist and shivered. "Was this world custom made to piss me off, or what?!"
He recognized clearly the face and body shape of the doppelganger now trying to pull Lala away with herself, only for Lala to stand her ground stubbornly, eager to see these three newcomers closely as they fought her father's men. Terrible memories of Mahorafest's Beauty Contest flowed back to him, specifically those of Lala's hairbrained scheme to one-up Haruna's father in a bid for the top prize...
Yuuki Rito took his head back and cried out to red Heavens without a God. "Why does this have to happen to meee?!-?!"
"Drama queen!" Skuld snorted.
A lot of chasing and fighting around ensued, most of which you've already read about in Unequally Rational and Emotional and/or Diabolical Styles and/or the original To Love Ru manga and its anime. Just add Negi, Tsukuyomi and Asuna, I don't know. Sprained leg, remember? I'm not that up for the task right now.
Anyway, after all of that, this happened...
"VRRR-VRR VACUUM-KUN!" Lala shouted while pressing on several buttons of the controller she had just pulled out at once, and immediately a gigantic floating device shaped like a black and white sphere with tentacles came into being above them all, sending massive bursts of wind all around it just by appearing, and blowing the panicking Rito-lookalike girl away, so her face mashed against Asuna's crotch as well, further tossing the Ala Alba member off balance.
Tsukuyomi, however, not only kept her footing but actually pushed ahead. The white haired MIB she was fighting was momentarily distracted by the unexpected arrival of this alien contraption, so Tsukuyomi took advantage of it and stabbed the longest of he blades through his chest. It poked out his back in a strange sideways angle, right under the armpit, and he only winced briefly, kicking Tsukuyomi in the chin and then kneeing her in the chest, even as she stubbornly twisted the sword around in the wound.
"Vacuum-kun!" Lala pointed up and commanded. "Start operations, engaging up to Level Five! This is an Executive Order!"
"Oh, no! Not this shitty invention of hers!" Rito cried, pushing Skuld aside with him, the better to take her as far from its reach as possible. Yue, who also had previous experience with this device, grimly frowned and readied her Orbis Sensualium Pictus, taking aim at the top of the alien machine even as it started absorbing everything below it, starting with Lala's duo of chasers, and as Skuld angrily punched Rito up and off herself. "I'm just being helpful!" he whined.
"Crimson-black blaze, king of myriad worlds, though I promulgate the laws of nature, I am the alias of destruction incarnate in accordance with the principles of all creation. Let the hammer of eternity descend unto me! Explosion," Yue flatly chanted, and the upper half of the machine exploded in all directions. Yue glanced again at the diagram of the device she had taken on her pages before casting with her book's Magi-Snap function and smiled blandly to herself, even as the bottom, with the storage unit where the men and assorted vacuumed Mahora street garbage had been placed intact, crashed down by the river, much to Lala's wide eyed, awed fascination.
Then the pink haired girl looked directly at Yue, standing up on her bridge, and for a moment Yue actually feared. Oh, damnation, don't tell me, Mikado-sensei was right and she's evil here, and this version will hate me, not that I care, but she will kill me...!
This Lala frowned thoughtfully for a few moments, stared somewhat troubled up at Yue as if attempting to recognize her from somewhere, and finally just beamed a typically reassuring Lala smile up at her. "You've got to show me how you do that!" she called out. "So I can add it to the list of eventualities Vacuum-kun is impervious to!"
Yue felt relieved at this Lala's apparent lack of hatred and rancor over her interference. Not that she cared other than the whole avoiding death by angry alien princess issue, of course. "Ah... sure thing," she ended up replying, non-committal in tone despite the words themselves. Then she looked at the female version of Rito-sempai who just stood by below gasping and hiccupping wildly, and yelled at her, "Sempai! You didn't touch the tail, did you?!"
"The- The- The whaaaat?!" Yuuki Riko said, then remembered through her feverish stupor, and took another glance at Lala's tail to confirm that yes, it still was there and it hadn't dropped off through the pursuit. "This tail?" she asked, taking hold of it to demonstrate.
"Ah!" said Lala, startled.
"Why! Did! You! Do! Thaaaat?!" Yue shrieked.
"W-What the heck is your problem?!" asked a confused Riko. Next she looked up at the disturbingly familiar boy she'd earlier seen in the Library with Sairenji, and pointed a trembling hand at him. "A-A-And you?! Are you a part of th-this, too?! This is Dad's fault, isn't it?! They're finally filming that crappy movie based on his manga, and you're... you're... you're his -" She took both hands to her orange hair (thus letting go of the tail) and hissed in livid anger. "Ooooooh, that bastard!"
Rito opened his mouth to speak. "I'm not your-!" he began to say, then rethought his course of action, and instead smiled blandly at the idea of making life more difficult for another no doubt negligent Yuuki Saibai out there. He nodded. "You know what, though, I am. But you'll have to ask your father for the proper explanations!"
Skuld glared at him. "Okay, this settles it, now Louise's not around anymore, you're the second most evil person in this party after the maniac..."
"Whatever, no matter what any of THE REST OF you ever do, don't! Touch! The! Tail!" Yue insisted.
Tsukuyomi, naturally, walked up to Lala, grabbed he tail, and violently tugged on it. "Aaaaaaa!" the alien moaned with a full body tremble.
"Are we married now?" Tsukuyomi asked her.
"Of course not! I wouldn't mind an one night stand though, if you can keep up that kind of fondling all night long," Lala said, blushing brightly.
"Can I...!" Tsukuyomi smiled before shouting up at Yue, "Heeee-eeey, Ayase-han, here's another divergence for your and Sensei's weird useless travel blogs...!"
Yue facepalmed. "Of course I couldn't touch this one's tail, I had to grab that which got me a forced marriage! Of course!"
Now they sat by the riverbank under a red canvas of stars. Tsukuyomi looked up at this sky and hugged her legs, humming sweetly to herself. Whatever else could be said about this world, there was no denying its nocturnal skies were bloody lovely...
"No, seriously, tell me already!" Riko demanded of Rito. "If you're really my half-brother, or any other sort of relative, then Mikan and I are entitled to know!"
"Mikan?" Rito asked, badly playing along.
"My little sister!" Riko said. "Come on, if you know who's my father, then you also must- Oh!" she took a moment to nibble on her knuckles nervously. "I forgot we left her alone! What, what if those guys looking after you send more men in black home?!" she asked Lala, wild with worry.
Lala waved a hand at her. "I'm certain there will be a rather lengthy period of discussion on their next move after this defeat! I highly doubt they'll send more agents after me immediately, Yuuki Riko!"
Riko took both hands to her head, groaning. "And why I'm supposed to take the word of a weird girl with a tail summoning even weirder death machines at face value?!"
"Calm down, will you?" Rito asked of her. "I know this can't be easy to take at all, but you should get used to it eventually..."
"Like hell I'd want to!" Riko said. "I don't want these things to keep happening to me anymore! So, whatever you are, shoo, shoo!" she waved her hands at Lala. "I helped you, then you helped me, so let's agree we're even now and take our separate paths already!"
"I'm sort of afraid I can't head back!" Lala said. "But I'm okay knowing I can count on wonderful people like you and your brother, Riko!" This was said with the most wonderful of smiles, and Negi couldn't help feeling a bit weak in the knees.
Riko's only answer, however, was sighing miserably. "What kind of people are you then? Aliens?"
"Well, the term 'alien' is highly relative," Lala cautioned. "From the viewpoint of my species, yours would be the aliens..."
"Hadn't you guys left last week?" Riko groaned. "Or was that just a ruse to get us lower our guard? Why? What guard? You already had us on the ropes!"
"Oh, you mean the Urusian invasion?" Lala asked, making Negi, Asuna and Yue raise their eyebrows. "No, no, I don't belong to that species! I'm a Deviluke!" she laughed.
"Like 'demons' or 'yokai' in English?" Riko doubted, then asked Negi, "And you, you're the famous child teacher, aren't you? Don't tell me you're an alien too!"
"No, I'm not," Negi said. "Look, Yuuki-san, let us agree the less we each know about each other the better. If, after this, you ever run into me, Asuna or Yue again, we'll deny these events ever took place, and so should you, really..."
"However," Asuna cautioned, "in the completely made up scenario this guy ever asks you to save the world by making babies with him, you should just say no," she added, patting on Negi's head.
Negi groaned. "I'd never do that! But, um, if I ever did, please assume I'm staging an elaborate joke and don't report me on the authorities or anything. Just walk away and don't look too deeply into it..."
"While that indeed seems the most sensible thing to advise, I can't help feeling it's bound to cause problems along the way regardless..." a troubled Yue mused, rubbing her chin.
Riko blinked helplessly. "... what."
"Or, if you'd rather think of it this way," Skuld told her, "you could believe me when I say we are stray travellers who dropped through the dimensional borders from a parallel world because your counterpart here accidentally summoned a gateway with his extravagant Keyblade weapon. I'm a goddess, I cannot lie!"
"You're a Second Class, and you lie like there's no tomorrow," Yue reminded her.
Riko frowned angrily. "Hey, now listen, aliens, I can accept, but by now you're just pulling my leg!"
Lala squinted at Negi's party. "... interesting if true! Regrettably, I haven't had previous experience with actual material, living or not, from alternate realties, so I don't have any devices that could demonstrate the veracity of your claims. I suppose I could grab a random inhabitant from this planet and one of you and vivisect both to establish a comparison, but I doubt Riko would like that, and as her fiancee-"
"MY WHAT?!" Riko shouted vehemently, making Rito wonder if he always looked that silly when doing that.
Asuna couldn't help sighing with a fond smile. "Ah, good old Lala-san...!"
Now Riko-san and Lala had left, and the stranded ragtag bunch of misfits sat by themselves before the slightly smelly river. The tropical climate only accentuated the accumulation of algae that contributed to the subtle yet pungent stench rising from the waters, but everybody was too tired as to move away just yet.
"Hey, Super Genius," Tsukuyomi finally asked Skuld. "What if you just go to this world's version of the Ala Alba eggheads and work together on a machine to send us back home?"
"Chao's specialty lies with time travel, and Hakase's gifted at robotics and aerodynamics," Skuld mumbled. "Neither of them are the type I would consult on interdimensional breaches ... and that was supposed to be a taboo for us gods, so I never bothered to research the subject."
Asuna blinked. "Why would that be a taboo for your people?"
"Because there's never an absolutely certain way to tell what waits in the other side," Skuld lectured. "Stepping through dimensional barriers is always a gamble. You might end up summoning bigger, eldrich evil gods, or cosmic zombies, and even if you don't, it's generally bad etiquette to intrude into another pantheon's domains. That's the kind of protocol breach that starts wars, it's simple common sense!"
"Chaldea, though," Asuna pointed out.
Skuld shrugged. "Their world is literally burning to nothingness around them, it's not like they have many options. But yes, I suppose, if I could contact Emiya-san and the others right now, they might be able to help us Leyshift out of here..."
Negi sighed, grabbing a peeble and tossing it into the river. "So many universes are facing complete extinction, and it feels so unfair. It's enough to make one feel completely feeble and powerless, and I can't even remember Nodoka-san, even now, after seeing her face to face! How can I help at all when I'm not even in control of my own mind?"
"Well, you regained your memories of her when you kissed her?" Tsukuyomi asked, pointing at Yue. "You should have just planted a big wet one on her girlfriend, and I'm sure that'd have worked!"
"She's not my girlfriend, just a girl who is my very dear friend," Yue muttered.
"As much as I hate to say it, Tsukuyomi has something of a point," Asuna said. "Negi, if you made a Pactio with the other girls here, maybe that could make you remember everything faster? I'm not saying you should do what John the Creep does, but a simple kiss? I'm sure none of those slu- girls would deny you that."
Negi shook his head. "No. A Pactio is a responsibility, a commitment, both from the Magister and the Ministra. I can't, in a good conscience, tie myself to people who, for better or worse, have devoted themselves to another's cause. Besides, would that change that much? I imagine it will be great finally remembering Haruna-san, Misora-san and Yuuna-san, but that still would leave too many blanks in my memory. It is for the best if I remember them all on my own."
"At least it's not a cold night to sit out in the open," Asuna mused, glancing at her wristwatch. "Do you think it's safe going back to Mikado-sensei's alrea-"
"We'd better not yet," Yue opined.
"How long, then? I'm bored...!" Tsukuyomi whined.
"If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say we should wait until midnight at least," Yue said.
"Oh come on, he's just one boy for how many girls? Do you really think he'd be able to keep it going for that many hours?" Tsukuyomi criticized.
"If that's anything like fighting," Yue explained, pointing at the Negi with them, who just looked aside very intently and quite blushed, "he can keep sparring against Eva-san, Kotaro-kun and Setsuna-san for hours and hours. Sensei's stamina is sincerely impressive."
"Oh, nice to hear..." Tsukuyomi purred lasciviously, leaning ahead where she sat, until Asuna just grunted and pulled her back by her hair. "Hey! I have killed for much less than that!"
Rito took his hands to his head and groaned. "I'll tell you what, if this world's Negi ever tries and puts Mikan in his... 'collective', I'll hire you myself to rub him off, okay? My parents are both actually quite wealthy, I swear I can pay..."
"You won't solicit murder for hire while you are under my supervision, Yuuki-san," Negi reminded him blandly. He only hoped the rest of his team was actually much easier to get along with than these ones, at least...
OMAKE
Only One Choice.
"Hey, sempai," Tsukuyomi happily asked, "if you could have a 'collective'," here, of course, she made air quotation marks with her fingers, "who would be in it?"
"Haruna-chan, this other world's Haruna-chan, and the third Haruna-chan from Magus Erebus-san's world," Rito replied without missing a beat.
Tsukuyomi paused. "Well," she admitted then, "I at least have to award you points for consistency, and there's no denying triplet fantasies are hot..."
No Choice At All- By Darkenning.
"Hey, Forehead," Tsukuyomi happily asked. "If -
"I'll never have a collective!" Yue snapped without looking up from her book.
"... so you'd prefer a harem?"
Normally, Yue would never damage a book. But sometimes, when your hands clench, things get torn.
What the Duck?
"Hey, Sensei!" Tsukuyomi approached Tiberius next. "I know you don't remember your old harem, but if you had to choose a single girl from those you've met lately to be your wife, who would that be?"
Negi didn't look up from the book he was reading. "Webby-san," he matter-of-factly said.
Yue rolled her eyes at her. "You're insane," she told her. "But of course, that's hardly news to anyone..."
"No, I swear it! That's exactly what he said!"
Nobody else believed her either, which of course was what Negi had been expecting from the start. It felt good, pulling one over her...
He guessed, had someone else asked and he'd absolutely have to be honest, he might have said Asakura-san. Exactly what was Asuna-san's issue with her, anyway?
What If Negi's Party had Accepted the Offer from Negi's Party?
Hasegawa Chisame stared angrily at the inflated bellies of the awkward looking Asuna and Yue, not to mention an impishly smirking Tsukuyomi. Finally, she looked directly at the terrified Negi and dryly asked, "So... these babies are from that John guy, aren't they?"
Her just returned Magister gulped loudly. "I can tell you, without lying at all, that they are Negi Springfield's children!"
"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"
Makie blinked at Skuld. "And, and what about you, Sku-chan? Oh! I know! Human people can't make babies with gods and goddesses, isn't that right...?"
"Um, of course they can, where did you think Berserker came from in the first place? It's just I have more dignity than that! I have a higher moral compass! I have-"
"She restricted herself to lesbianism," Asuna informed, "and when we find Yuuna, we'd better warn her she clearly was holding on a lot of sexual tension about her..."
"I just happened to take pity on that poor girl! It was so obvious she needed to find her true orientation!"
"Okay," Keiichi tried to keep a steady face on the face of this all, oh so bravely. "Speaking of lesbians, though, I thought I'd heard she was one," he said, pointing at the pregnant Riko standing by Rito, "so how in the alternate world-"
Rito groaned. "Look, I think you already figured it yourself, didn't you! It was bound to happen as long as we were in the same campus! Eventually, we had to stumble onto each other!"
Much to everyone's shock, or not, their child was a perfect Mikan lookalike.
Haruna thought her the most adorable thing in the world and spoiled her rotten...
Next: Sakura.