CHAPTER 9
"Bella? Is that you?" I guess the question was fair, given that I hadn't really lived here in months. But still -- with my enormous truck parked in the driveway -- who else did Charlie think it could be?
"Up here, Dad." I called down from my room. I had already deleted Esme's message from Charlie's ancient answering machine, so it was up to me to break the news that I'd be staying here for an indefinite period of time.
I was dreading the conversation. I'd barely gotten through my post-Florida disaster call – yes, Dad, everything is okay; no, Dad, there's nothing going on between me and Edward; actually, it's twins, Dad – and here I was, camping out at his house.
No use putting it off, I thought to myself, and set off down the narrow staircase, being extra careful around the corners – my body was already feeling unwieldy and my balance was even worse than normal.
"Hey, Bells, I wasn't expecting you. How's my girl?" Charlie was just the same as always. He was wearing his lucky fishing cap, pushed way back on his head. A smile lit up his face as he saw me.
"Cold day for fishing, Charlie," I teased, grateful that at least he'd be in a good mood after a day spend casting his line. He hugged me, holding me just a split second longer than was necessary.
"Cold and worthless – I came back with nothing. But enough about fishing. Let me look at you." He stepped back, looking for the changes he knew he should find. "Well, Bells," he said, blushing slightly, "if your mom hadn't told me herself, I'd just think you'd enjoyed Thanksgiving a little too much."
"Aw, Charlie, you sure know how to turn on the charm." It was easy, falling back into the father-daughter routine. "I bet you're hungry. Can I make you some dinner?" I moved to the refrigerator to see what I could work with, trying to draw out this moment as long as I could.
"Sure," Charlie replied, sitting down at the kitchen table and stretching out to remove his boots. "Is Edward in the living room?"
"No," I said, turning my back to Charlie while I laid out some chicken on the counter, being very careful to keep my voice steady as I pulled the chef's knife out of the knife block. "I came by myself."
I must have taken just a second too long to answer. "Bella?" His voice was questioning.
The only sound in the kitchen was the rhythmic chopping of my knife as I focused on cutting careful parallel lines into the chicken breasts.
"Is it okay if I spend the night, Charlie?" I couldn't bring myself to look at him.
There was silence as he took in the import of my question. Then I heard the scrape of his chair and felt his heavy hand upon my shoulder. His voice was rough with emotion when he spoke. "Bella, this is always your home."
"Thanks, Dad," I answered, my voice breaking with an unexpected wave of sadness. I set my knife aside carefully. "It will be fine. Newlywed tiff, right?"
"Sure, Bella." He kissed the top of my head. "Are you sure you want to cook tonight? I could order us some pizza."
I shook my head. I needed something to keep my hands – and, hopefully, my mind -- busy tonight. "I'd like to cook for you. Really."
He lingered awkwardly, not wanting to leave me alone but not quite sure what to do.
"Why don't you go catch up on football? Isn't there some game on tonight? I'll call you when it's ready."
"Are you sure?" he asked, unsettled by my sudden appearance but relieved to be excused from a big emotional scene. "I would like to watch the Huskies." I nodded, and he wandered off to the living room to turn on the game.
I hadn't really cooked in a while – it wasn't as much fun when there was no one else to cook for -- so I decided to indulge myself by cooking a chicken pot pie. Charlie wasn't one to stock vegetables in his refrigerator, but there were some peas and carrots in the freezer, and a lone onion at the bottom of the crisper. I took my time making the biscuit crust, letting the dough ooze between my fingers, then laying the chicken out in a neat pattern. One hour down, I thought to myself as I put the pot pie into the oven and busied myself cleaning up the messy counter.
Every now and then a roar would go up from the television in the next room, and I would smile to myself, knowing how easily Charlie could lose himself in a good game.
I moved from the counter to the refrigerator, cleaning out limp celery leaves that looked like they had been there since before Edward and I had been married. I swept, scrubbed and wiped until everything sparkled. I looked up at the moon-faced clock on the wall and sighed – only another half hour. A little bit longer, I promised myself, and then I could escape to the haven of my room.
When dinner was ready, I brought it in to Charlie on a tray. "Thanks, Bells," he said appreciatively as the aroma of the roasted chicken wafted up to him. "I don't think I've had a meal this good since you left." He dug into the browned crust with gusto.
"Don't get used to it," I warned, hoping silently that Alice was right and my days here were numbered. I plopped down on the couch and picked at my own tray of food. After a few commercial breaks had passed, I figured it was safe to make my escape.
"Dad, if it's okay with you, I'm going to go up and get ready for bed. I have to get up early tomorrow to get to my first class." I couldn't wait to get away from Charlie so that I could wallow in self-pity.
Charlie didn't look away from the television set. "Sure, Bella. Do you need me to wake you up in the morning?"
"No, thanks. I think I've got it covered. Goodnight, Dad." I slowly climbed the stairs. I spent as long as I could in the bathroom, dreading the moment I'd have to face my empty room. I hadn't had many nights in that room without Edward; despite what Alice had said, I didn't dare get my hopes up tonight.
I hung my new dress on a wire hanger that had been orphaned in my closet and smoothed out some imaginary wrinkles. It was a pity Edward hadn't seen it, I thought wistfully – it was deep blue, his favorite color on me. After I draped my robe over the back of my computer chair, I cuddled under the covers on my bed. Only then did I allow myself to reflect on the events of the day.
Why had I gone to see Jacob? That had been Edward's question to me, and it was a fair one. I had wanted a distraction – someone to pull me out of my worries about my impending ultrasound. And no one else was around – Edward had been gone that whole day. But if Edward had been home, would I have confided in him? I didn't need to think about that very long to know the answer. I spent half of my energy lately trying to hide my feelings from Edward, afraid of hurting him. It was a well-practiced pattern that had begun with my cautious attempts to not put him in too much pain by arousing his thirst. I thought about that for a long time, remembering how Renee had compared me to a satellite, always adjusting and readjusting myself in relation to Edward. Had that habit become so ingrained that it had extended to my thoughts and feelings? I had to admit, I shared very few intimate opinions or emotions with Edward without thinking seriously about what his reactions might be first – my demand for physical intimacy and insistence on changing being the few exceptions.
And Jacob – well, there was a pattern there, too. The whole reason I had thrown myself into my friendship with Jacob was to deal with my feelings for Edward, even if I hadn't realized it at the time.
I hugged my pillow close as I considered this new insight. Had I been using Jacob as my emotional safety valve, afraid of upsetting Edward? How would I feel if the roles had been reversed – if Edward kept turning to someone else for support – someone like Tanya? Even the thought of it elevated my blood pressure. I couldn't blame Edward for being upset. As I lay in the dark, alone in my bed, I realized it wasn't a very good deal for Jacob, either.
Boy, I'd really screwed things up.
I flopped over on one side in frustration. It didn't matter what I had done wrong, I just had to make it right. I would beg for Edward's forgiveness and promise to never do it again.
No, I thought. That would be the old Bella way. The new Bella way would be to explain to him what I had learned from my introspection, and then beg him to take me back.
But first he had to show up. I re-fluffed my pillow and prepared myself to wait all night. Alice had said he'd be coming. I would be ready.
I was confused when the alarm clock went off the next morning. I couldn't figure out why the alarm clock was ringing, when clearly it wasn't morning since Edward hadn't woken me yet. It took me several minutes until I realized with a surge of disappointment that he hadn't come, after all.
I dully brushed my teeth and combed my hair. I grabbed the first thing my hands found in the closet and dressed myself for class. I snuck quietly down the stairs, to avoid waking Charlie, and grabbed myself a granola bar for breakfast. I could stop to get something more on the way.
When I stepped outside, the cold caught me by surprise. The mist was heavy and there was a bite to the air. It wouldn't have shocked me if there'd been ice on the driveway, but for now, at least, it was just wet. I ran to my truck and hurried in, hoping the heater would warm up quickly. As I settled into the seat, I noticed a small, folded piece of paper on the dash. I picked it up and held it in my hand for a moment, almost afraid to look at it. Finally, I unfolded it to see Edward's beautiful script.
Please drive carefully today. I'll be thinking of you.
Love, Edward
I felt a surge of gratefulness. He had come, after all. I kept unfolding and refolding his note, giddy with the idea that he still loved me. The hope that I would see him at class motivated me to ease my car onto the road for the long drive to Port Angeles.
He didn't show up to escort me to and from my classes. Every hour, I would hang back from the crowd pouring out of the classroom, hoping that when everyone had cleared away I would see his magnificent figure standing there waiting for me, but I found nobody. So I walked by myself between classes – which made me keenly aware of how ungainly my body was becoming. Two collisions and one tripping incident drove home that my lack of grace coupled with ten extra pounds made me an even greater danger to myself than usual.
Edward didn't attend Child Development, our one class together, either. I kept my backpack on the seat next to me in the lecture hall, holding a spot for him until well past the hour, hoping that he'd be the next person through the door. But I knew I was kidding myself – Edward was never late. So I sat, forlorn, not taking in any of the lecture, reaching into my pocket to touch his folded note like a talisman, over and over again.
The drive home was much slower; I was dreading the night without him. I thought about calling him, but somehow that felt wrong, like I was intruding on his solitude. So I went through another night of picking at my dinner with Charlie, managing to avoid any discussion of babies or Edward for the whole evening, and excused myself early to study in my room.
My literature courses were not that taxing – I had already read this week's texts and only had one short paper due at the end of the week. By 10:00 I was done with my reading and had gotten restless. I spent my time slowly, taking a long, hot shower, taking a ridiculous amount of time planning my next day's outfit, even sending a short email to Renee to try to reestablish a connection…until finally I had run out of things to do. Edward still had not come and I simply couldn't bear the ache in my soul. I huddled under my covers, wishing for sleep to come so I couldn't dwell on all the things I had done wrong that had gotten us to this spot. Alice may have been technically right about Edward's old habits, but she had gotten the spirit of it wrong – if he was coming to see me, it was to observe, not talk. I fell asleep wondering if the babies could feel my loneliness.
I awoke with a start. I glanced at my clock – after four in the morning. Sitting on my window sill, gazing out into the darkness, was Edward. A dim light -- moonlight – brightened his pale skin so that he glowed. He was perfectly still – a beautiful, marble statue. When he turned to look at me, his angelic face took my breath away.
"You came," I whispered, afraid it was a dream.
"I couldn't stay away," he answered, his sad smile breaking my heart. "Come here," he whispered, standing and reaching his hand out to me.
I gathered my quilt around me and padded over to him. He enfolded me in his arms so that I leaned against his solid chest. From that vantage point, I could follow his gaze out into the inky night. He pointed one elegant finger at a light that stood out among all others.
"The morning star," he whispered into my hair. "See how brightly it shines? The ancients called it Eosphorus, the dawn bringer." He wrapped his arms around me again, continuing to murmur into my hair. I closed my eyes and leaned into him, losing myself in his honeyed voice. "It's really not a star, though, it's Venus. You can tell because it's a steady light; no twinkles. This is the time of year that Venus comes closest to the Earth. After December, it will start moving away, until it disappears behind the sun and we won't be able to see it any longer. Later, when it is on its way back to earth, it will reappear in the evening sky. It keeps going back and forth like that, pulled in circles between the sun and earth, through the ages."
He paused for a moment, brushing my cheek with his fingertips. "I always think of you as my morning star," he said, "the brightest thing in my universe." A wave of sadness overtook me for I couldn't help but wonder if he also saw me moving inexorably, never-endingly, between him and Jacob.
"I'm not going anywhere," I said quietly, turning to face him. "Not if you let me stay with you."
He pulled the quilt tighter around my shoulders and leaned in to kiss the bridge of my nose. The corners of his mouth turned up, just a bit. "I don't think I have any choice. I wouldn't make it very long without you."
I folded myself into his strong embrace and we stood there, silently, for a long time. Yet while my heart was thumping with joy, my head kept urging me to be cautious; this seemed almost too easy. I deserved more penance for my sins. Reluctantly, I whispered into his chest, "Can I come home now?"
He didn't move, but I felt the catch in his breath. I braced myself for his answer. "We still have some things to discuss, Bella."
"Anything," I promised, looking up into his eyes. I bit my lip, trying to hold back my tears. He looked down on me, his butterscotch eyes tinged with temptation and regret. He set his jaw and pulled away from me, guiding me over to the bed to sit. He sat down next to me, placing one arm around me, taking my hand in his. He absentmindedly played with my engagement ring, not looking at me as he spoke.
"Alice tells me I have been too hard on you." He set his lips in a tight line, and I wondered what exactly she had said when she shared her thoughts with him. "But I can't help wondering, Bella, what exactly it is that you need from Jacob. What it is that you can't get from me." He struggled with the last sentence. My heart twisted in pain to see the harm I'd done him.
I took a deep breath.
"Will you listen, and promise not to interrupt?" I peeked at him sideways through my hair, waiting until he nodded.
"This is very hard for me to explain…. But I think that in the back of my head, I always worry about hurting you, or making you worry too much about me, or driving you away." He grimaced, shooting me a dark look from his beautiful eyes, but stuck to his word and did not interrupt. "So there are things that I have gotten in the habit of just not talking about with you." I paused to think through my next words. "Jacob was the one person who knew, more than anyone else, what I was going through. So even if I didn't talk about those things with him, I didn't have to hide my feelings or pretend around him. At the very least, he could distract me for a while so that I didn't have to think about things."
Edward's voice was rough. "What kind of things?"
I sagged a little bit. I had been hoping we could stay at the level of vague generalities. "Like the ultrasound. I was worried about it but I didn't want to upset you."
He lifted his head and turned toward me on the bed, his icy hand still gripping mine, his eyes flashing with anger. "But I wanted you to talk to me about it! I had to force you to talk to me about it!"
"I know," I said in a small voice. "But I didn't want to."
"But why, Bella? What were you afraid of?" He was pleading now.
It had sounded so logical the other night, but now my answer sounded silly, even to me. "I don't want you to worry about me. I don't want to hurt you."
"That's ridiculous." He was annoyed now, dropping my hand to cross his arms as he stared me down. His eyes were insistent, mesmerizing…I had to struggle to keep my tongue. Suddenly, though, his face cleared, as if he'd had a sudden revelation, and all the irritation slipped away. He gently reached out to tuck a stray piece of hair behind my ear.
He gazed at me searchingly before continuing, "You know I will never leave you again, Bella, don't you?"
I burst into tears of frustration. "But you just did!"
It was as if I'd slapped him. He sat in shock for a moment, watching me cry, then took me in his arms while I continued sobbing. "Oh, Bella. I didn't mean... I just thought… I just thought we needed some time to think. And I overreacted." He sighed, irritated with himself. "Again." He kissed my tears, one by one, whispering over and over "I'm sorry…I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, too." I hiccupped through my tears.
I climbed into his lap so there was no distance between us. He rested his hands on my belly, kissing my neck. "I missed you so much," he breathed. "And this too," he said, trailing his hands down my body. The feel of his cool lips on my pulse was driving me mad.
"Edward," I murmured, turning in his lap, my mouth searching for his lips.
My entire body shuddered as we connected. I could feel every inch of him against me, but I could not get close enough. I wanted him more than anything in the world.
He pulled away, chuckling hoarsely against my neck. "Not so fast…"
"What?" I said, only half listening while I pulled him back toward me.
"First," he said, kissing one eyelid, "there's Charlie. Despite our state of matrimony, I don't relish the idea of waking him up, especially when he is still so angry with me. Second," he said, kissing the other eyelid, "I don't want you to avoid this discussion by trying to distract me. As much as I would enjoy the distraction."
He looked at me earnestly. "Bella, I want you to be open with your heart. I don't want to be the one who makes you edit your thoughts. You said you were holding things back from me. I think we need to start discussing those things. Starting tonight. I don't want to force you to do it. I don't want to seduce you to do it. I want you to do it of your own free will."
I nodded silently, but looked away, my eyes stinging with hot tears again.
He gently forced me to turn back and return his gaze. "Is it so horrible to ask you to do that? Is what you have to say so bad?"
"No, that's not it," I said, biting my lip.
"Then what is it?" he demanded. I blushed and tried to hide my face against his chest. I heard him groan. "No, not this again. Silly girl." He wrapped his arms around me tightly. "You have to know by now how attractive you are to me."
"Even when I'm clumsy and big like this?" A single tear trickled down my cheek.
He smiled gently and wiped away my tear. "That clumsy bit, well, I've sort of known about that for a long time. It's actually quite endearing. And as for this…" He reached down to caress my swelling belly. "You have no idea what it does to me see you like this. You're more beautiful than ever." He leaned over to kiss me chastely on the cheek.
"But now is not the right time, Bella. I don't want to paper over our bigger issue with fireworks and romance. I really want you to tell me what is on your mind. I promise to listen and not jump to conclusions too quickly. Okay?" He tilted my chin up so he could look into my eyes. His breath was close now, and my head began to swim in its sweetness.
He pulled my arms from around his neck and held my hands in his, eying me carefully. "Tell me what's on your mind."
I sighed. There was no way I'd be able to fight this. Though his eyes were kind, they were also firm. Maybe I'd start with an easy one. "Did you talk to Alice today?"
He massaged my wrists with his thumbs. "Alice? Yes, of course."
"Did she tell you about Tanya?"
He stopped for a split second and then lifted my fingertips to his lips. "Yes, she did." He began kissing each finger, one by one. "What about her?"
"Well," I began, finding it hard to keep my train of thought, "she seemed awfully upset about me being pregnant. Are you sure there was nothing between you two?"
He laughed, low in his throat. Suddenly I found myself on my back, the full length of his body pressed against mine. "Are you jealous?" His eyes were shining.
"Maybe," I admitted. "What if I am?"
He chuckled and trailed his lips down my collar bone. "You shouldn't be jealous. I already told you there was nothing between us."
I struggled to focus. My hands reluctantly pushed him away. "Then why is she so…so…?"
"Does it matter?" He said hoarsely. "You're the only one I want, Bella. There's nothing she can do to us. She's irrelevant." He kissed me deeply and my head began to spin.
"Satisfied?" He whispered into my ear.
"Hardly," I muttered back.
He laughed a low, throaty laugh. "That's what I'm counting on."
Before I had fully recovered, he made a show of tucking me under the covers and bent over to kiss my belly. "You can still get a little sleep. And I need to get out of here before Charlie wakes up."
"What about your turn?" I protested.
He sat back on his heels for a second, frowning slightly. "My turn for what?"
I made a face at him. "Don't I get to ask you what is on your mind?"
"It isn't apparent already?" He teased, brushing his fingers lightly across my lips.
I pouted. I wasn't going to let him go without getting something out of him, too.
"All right," he sighed, folding himself elegantly back on the floor. "What do you want to know?"
I swallowed hard before asking my question. "I know why you were upset with me, but why did you have to send me away?"
His eyes clouded over with remorse. "It was a mistake, Bella. I wasn't thinking…clearly. If I'd had known how much it would hurt you, I would never have done it. Now that you're here, though, there is one thing in particular that I like about the situation."
My curiosity was piqued – how could there be anything to like about our separation?
He smiled a tight-lipped smile. "Privacy. I have to admit, I wasn't relishing the thought of having our every conversation parsed and analyzed by my entire family. At least with Emmett gone, there wouldn't be any teasing, but I was bound to get endless amounts of unsolicited advice." He smiled ruefully. "I still am, for that matter."
"Oh. I mostly worry about it for…other reasons." I blushed deeply again.
He laughed out loud. "Yes, I know. They can't help it, though. They try to be discreet but it's hard to turn off your hearing. I guess in the scheme of things, they've got it worse, since I can hear their thoughts, not just their speech." He ran his thumb over my cheekbone. "Is that enough for tonight?"
I nodded, suddenly aware of how tired my body was.
"More tomorrow, love. Alice said it is going to be very cold – make sure you dress warmly. Goodnight." He kissed me one more time, and then was gone.
Alice had been right – by the time I woke up the next morning, the drop in temperature, coupled with the constant wetness, had turned our driveway and street into black ice. The air was so frigid that it hurt to breathe – there was no way I was going out in this weather. I settled in for a lazy day and daydreamed about my time with Edward.
While I puttered around the house, I counted the hours until I could be back in my room and had to remind myself not to seem too happy. Charlie seemed vaguely unsettled by my chipper attitude, especially since, as far as he knew, I'd had no interaction with Edward that could have helped set things right. But, Charlie being Charlie, he was loathe to get sucked into a messy, tear-filled conversation, so generally steered clear of any topic remotely related to the subject of Edward.
The late night took its toll on me, however. By early evening, I was exhausted – too tired to cook and certainly too tired to eat. I felt a little guilty leaving Charlie to fend for himself; the refrigerator was practically empty. I'd probably consigned him to a dinner of Captain Crunch. But Charlie didn't complain. He watched with concern as I climbed the stairs up to bed, but did not interfere.
It was all I could do to brush my teeth and wash my face before crawling into bed. I had wanted to look extra nice for Edward – as nice as anyone could when awakened in the middle of the night – but realized after much rummaging that the best I'd be able to do was a pair of Charlie's old flannel pajamas. At least they were cozy, I thought as I poured myself into bed.
Even in my sleep, I recognized immediately that I had started to dream. I was in the place I'd visited over and over in my dreams for the last few months– the beach where Jacob and I had first spoken together, the beach where I had first learned what Edward and his family really were. Only this time I was all alone – there was no Jacob.
I awoke with a start. My heart was racing. I leaned back into my pillows and focused on my breathing, trying to calm myself down. I looked at my alarm clock – only eleven. The house was quiet. I could hear Charlie softly snoring down the hall. Even louder, I could hear my own stomach growling.
I tried to ignore it; I didn't want to leave my warm nest to go to the kitchen. But the longer I waited, the louder my stomach became. There was no way I'd be able to sleep through this. Annoyed, I threw my blankets aside and groped my way to the door.
It was a miracle I made it down the stairs without waking Charlie or breaking my neck. I started rifling through the kitchen cabinets but nothing appealed to me. I craved something, but I didn't know quite what – until I threw open the refrigerator door and was confronted with a fresh slab of steak.
I inhaled sharply. The meat was still wrapped in shiny cellophane, and I could see where the blood has seeped into the paper on the bottom of the Styrofoam container, turning it a pretty pink color. The meat looked succulent. My mouth began to water.
I looked over my shoulder, listening intently for Charlie's snoring. When I heard a large snort from upstairs, I relaxed. He was still sound asleep. I reconsidered the steak. Clearly Charlie had purchased this tonight – it hadn't been in the refrigerator earlier. He would miss it if I ate it. But it looked so good.
My stomach growled, insistent. Maybe I'd just shave a little slice off the side. He wouldn't notice.
I removed the steak and set it carefully on the counter. I removed the plastic wrap from the meat as carefully as if it were a holy relic. With a paring knife, I sliced into the flesh, taking no more than a finger's width of meat.
Furtively, I popped it in my mouth. I moaned with appreciation. It was even better than the filet at the steakhouse. It was perfectly raw, still tasting of blood. Blood. As I thought the word, my mind recoiled and a wave of shame washed over me. I quickly rewrapped the meat and shoved it back in the refrigerator, out of sight. I wiped down the counters, refusing to think about what I'd just done. Satisfied that I'd left no trace, I slunk back up the stairs.
Edward was waiting for me when I returned to my room, leaning casually against my closet door.
"Enjoy your midnight snack?" He asked pointedly.
I felt the heat spreading across my face. "How?" I began, but couldn't finish the sentence.
He smirked. "Alice told me about your lunch selection in Seattle. She also predicted you'd be waking up hungry tonight." He idly swung a plastic grocery bag out in front of him. "I just made sure there'd be something for you to eat."
I could barely speak through my embarrassment. "I guess you already know one of the things on my mind, then."
The corners of his mouth twitched as he tried to stifle his laughter. "Carlisle says lots of pregnant women have odd cravings."
"You told Carlisle?" I turned what I imagined was an even deeper shade of red.
He arched one perfect eyebrow. "Well, I did think I should consult with your doctor before I endangered your health by indulging your new-found proclivity. He suggested I avoid hamburger."
"It's not funny, Edward." I stomped to my bed and flopped down on it.
He was at my side in an instant, a full-blown grin across his face. "Bella, even you have to admit that this has some comic value." His golden eyes danced with laughter, and I could feel my anger melting away. "I know you're upset by this, but I can't figure out why. If you were actually turning into a vampire, I'd expect you'd be out dancing in the street," he said dryly. "What's the big deal?"
"The big deal is that I can't stop myself from eating bloody meat and there's only one reason that would be happening." I said through clenched jaws.
He looked at me incredulously. "You think the babies are vampires? That's ridiculous. We already saw their hearts beating and their blood flowing."
"But it's not just the raw meat. What about my scent changing into a vampire scent?"
He shrugged. "Hormones?"
"Ugh. Take this seriously, will you?"
He sighed with the exaggerated patience of a martyr. "All right. Seriously. Let's say you're right and they are going to turn into vampires at some stage, or have vampire-like qualities already. So what?"
"So what?" I practically shouted. Charlie's snore choked off momentarily and we froze, waiting for him to settle back into his familiar low-grade rumble.
I resumed my argument with heated whispers. "So what? What am I going to do with baby vampires? They are going to be bloodthirsty newborns but they won't have any capability of reasoning. How are we going to keep them from going completely wild?"
He was struggling to maintain his serious face. "We may just have to be extra attentive. I've heard that's good for children in general."
"But how are you going to watch three newborns?"
"What do you mean, three?" His eyes narrowed as he watched my face.
"You still have to change me, remember?"
He did not flinch, but I could tell from the look in his eyes that he had not considered this issue. He pursed his lips as he thought about it, and then nodded slightly. "We'll just have to wait a bit before we change you. That's all."
"Wait? But I can't be twenty," I wailed, throwing myself face down on my pillow.
"Bella," he said, "please be reasonable. You don't even know if this is a real problem yet. Can you save the hysterics for later?"
"Easy for you to say." The pillow muffled my voice but my point was clear.
He picked me up from the pillow and turned me over. "Please, let's cross that bridge when, and if, we have to."
I crossed my arms. "I guess you have a point."
He smiled tolerantly and uncrossed my arms, taking one hand in his. "Yes, I do. So that is your second big secret. Do you have more things you'd like to share with me?"
"Not at the moment," I scowled. He was too good at prying things out of my head. Although, I had to admit, it was nice to finally get some of it out in the open. Begrudgingly, I added, "Thank you for my snack."
He smiled a beatific smile that took my breath away. "Just for the record, it does not in any way constitute a gift. I was thinking only of the children."
His small attempt to pacify me made me laugh. I wanted to build a bridge in kind. "Speaking of the children," I began casually, "you never told me the names you picked out."
He broke into a big grin. "Are you sure?" I nodded eagerly, so he shifted on the bed, taking my other hand. He was almost bursting to tell me, and a little nervous. When he finally spoke, his words were rushed. "What do you think of Elizabeth and Masen? You know Elizabeth is the English version of Isabella? And given they are family names, I thought that maybe…"
"They're perfect," I interrupted him, beaming.
"Really?" He said. "I mean, if you had other names in mind, or if you wanted to name them after your family…"
"They can have middle names, too. I think Masen and Elizabeth are perfect." I knew how much his human family had meant to him. It seemed fitting that now that he had his own family, he'd be able to pay his parents tribute.
He brought my hand to his lips. "You're too good to me, you know."
"That's not possible," I replied. I was getting more comfortable with our give and take.
He brushed the hair out of my eyes and looked reluctantly over his shoulder toward the window. "I should probably let you sleep…."
"Do you have to go?" It seemed like he just got here.
"I have a few things to take care of tonight. Can we make a date for tomorrow?" His eyes twinkled.
I nodded, unable to drag my eyes away from him.
"Be ready at two a.m.," he said, kissing the tip of my nose. "And dress warmly. I have a surprise for you."
Before I could quiz him about my surprise, he was gone.
The next day was even colder than the last, and the weather stranded me in the house once more. Charlie was gone all day so I didn't have to hide my happiness. I felt like I was floating on air. My good mood was made even better when I picked up an email from Phil. He had logged in as Renee and sent me a message back, writing, "She is still acting grumpy, Bella, but I found a shopping bag of receiving blankets in the trunk of her car…" I smiled, thinking of Renee secretly shopping, unwilling to admit to being excited about being a grandmother just yet.
Charlie didn't come back that night – probably a card game – so I went to bed early to take a nap, setting my alarm to give myself plenty of time to get ready for my date with Edward. When I awoke, I heard Charlie shuffling around the bathroom. I waited until I heard his snoring resume, and then started dressing.
Amongst the new clothes Alice had procured for me was a light blue turtleneck sweater. It clung to my shape, leaving nothing to the imagination. I shoved my hands inside, trying to stretch it out, but with little effect. Nothing else was really warm enough for what I assumed was an outdoor jaunt, so I resigned myself to wearing it. As I looked in the mirror, I noted with satisfaction that my cheeks had a bit of color and my eyes were alive and bright. My winter parka strained over my body, but I managed to squeeze in. I wrapped a long scarf around my neck and sat down to wait.
Edward arrived promptly at two.
He wore a down vest over a black sweater that highlighted every muscled contour of his body. His eyes were turning darker – not quite black yet – but the effect of his eyes, contrasting with his pale face and sweater, was striking. Slung over his shoulder was a large backpack.
He looked me over appreciatively. "You get more beautiful every day." He murmured, not moving from the window.
I blushed, provoking a playful growl. "Maybe we should stay in," he teased. "But then my surprise would go to waste. Are you ready?" He reached out a hand, and I ran to him.
"Hang on tight," he whispered into my hair. He swept me up in his arms and carried me out the window to the ground below.
As he ran, I reveled in our speed. What had once terrified me was now a fantastic release from my plodding slowness. This run was different than others in the past, because now that I was getting so big, I couldn't climb on his back. He had to carry me in his arms the whole way, which meant I could indulge myself by memorizing every gorgeous detail all over again. His hair whipped around his face and he looked down at me, his huge, lopsided grin turning my heart upside down. "Almost there," he said. I didn't know where we were and I didn't care – all I wanted to do was lose myself in his eyes.
His hair stopped flying about him, and I knew we had slowed to a walk. "Look around, Bella." He grinned again, and set me down lightly in front of him. We had found our way into a part of the forest that was new to me.
Something sparkling through the thick stand of trees caught my eye. As I threaded my way through the woods, I realized it was a perfectly round pond, frozen solid from the last two days' cold. The moonlight hitting it cast a glow, unlocking the same faint aura that surrounded Edward.
"It's beautiful," I whispered.
Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me forward. "Just wait," he said, eager to show me something. When we came to the edge of the pond, he set down his backpack and pulled out a thick woolen blanket, spreading it on the hard ground.
"Please sit down," he invited. It was harder than it looked to maneuver my body to the ground, but with his hand guiding me to keep my balance, I managed to sit without falling over.
He kneeled on the blanket and began to reach into the backpack, then thought better of it. "Close your eyes," he commanded.
I obediently fluttered them shut. I heard him rummage around in his bag. He started tugging at my boots – the shock of the cold air on my feet made me gasp. Then, I felt more tugging as he swiftly put something else around my feet.
"You can look," he said. I opened my eyes to see him smiling, quite pleased with himself. I looked at my feet and groaned – ice skates.
"Do you want to kill me?" I accused.
He laughed out loud, the sound echoing off the trees.
"Trust me, Bella," he said. When he stood, I noticed he was wearing skates, too. He reached down and pulled me up. Even on solid ground, I was unsteady on my feet. He wrapped a strong arm around me and tried to bring me to the ice.
I hung back, terrified of the myriad ways in which I could break my bones. "Why are you doing this to me?"
He didn't let go. "I wanted to show you how beautiful you are to me. Please, just give me a chance. I promise you I won't let you fall." His breath swirled around me and I felt my resistance melting. "Come."
He stood before me, holding my hands, and began walking onto the ice. I followed with hesitant baby steps, my face frozen in terror.
"Don't look down, just look in my eyes, Bella." His voice was soothing, reassuring me. I fastened my gaze on him, breathing deeply, relying on the cold air prickling my face to keep me focused.
Then we were flying. I couldn't feel my feet, just Edward's strong arms pulling me with him as we soared across the ice. The trees at the edge of the pond faded and our hair whipped about us. Delight filled Edward's face as he watched my terror turn to joy. I was weightless, graceful even, as we dipped and soared across the cold expanse. As I relaxed he began turning and spinning me, his eyes alight. I tilted back my head and let loose great peals of laughter. It was unlike anything I'd ever experienced.
We skated until the stars started to fade and the dim beginnings of light crept across the eastern sky. Edward pulled up short at the edge of the pond, catching me easily against his chest and holding me close.
"No matter how you might feel right now, Bella, that is what I see when I look at you. I just wanted you to see yourself the way I do." He leaned in and kissed my lips, making my knees weaker than they'd ever been on the ice.
Later, after we'd snuck back into my room and I was snuggled back in bed, he picked at the edge of my comforter.
"Can I ask you one thing before I go?" I frowned at the idea of him leaving so soon, but didn't want to spoil the moment so nodded.
"Why haven't you told Charlie that you and I have been speaking to one another?" He looked a little bereft as he asked the question.
I stared blankly at him. I hadn't really thought about it.
"Give me a second," I said. He waited patiently, holding my hands while I pondered his question.
"I don't know that I consciously chose to not tell him," I began after a few minutes. "But there is something about the last two nights that reminds me of when we first met."
He frowned at that. I immediately knew my mistake.
"No, not our first meeting," I quickly corrected myself, remembering the pure rage that he'd felt toward me the first time he smelled my scent. "I mean when we first knew one another, really knew one another. Remember how we spent hours together, you asking me every possible question you could think of? It feels like that…." I smiled shyly. "I feel like you are courting me. It's nice. I think I was just savoring it."
He looked at me, a shadow of doubt behind his eyes. "That's all?"
"Yes, of course." I didn't know why he was so disturbed.
He pursed his lips together. "I think you should tell him."
I raised one eyebrow, waiting for his explanation.
He sighed, reluctant to explain. "He is starting to think I abandoned you, and is planning on inviting the Blacks to dinner tomorrow."
"Oh, no!" I groaned. That was the last thing I needed.
"Maybe it's time that you came home," he suggested, his chin lifted a bit defiantly.
"Not to keep me away from Jacob," I reprimanded, cupping his face in my hand. "Only if you think we are ready."
He turned his face to my palm and kissed me. "As much as I relish every opportunity to keep you away from the dog, this is only about you and me. I don't think I can stand another minute without you there. Please come home. I need you."
A/N Sorry this took this so long to post. Had serious writer's block issues. Thanks for sticking with it. Promise more action in upcoming chapters...just had to get us out of angst-land.