Chapter 10
Hermione's eyes fluttered shut in ecstasy as her lips closed around her silver spoon. The banana and rum ice cream melted in her mouth and she briefly considered the practicality of coming to the Ritz for dessert every day. Maybe also dinner. Definitely also dinner. Hermione then remembered where she was and with a light blush quickly opened her eyes and looked sheepishly at Narcissa. The pureblood seemed incredibly satisfied with herself; her red lips sported a small, amused smile as she deftly lifted a spoonful of tiramisu into her mouth. Hermione looked back down at her soufflé trying not to look long at Narcissa as if the pureblood were the sun, yet Hermione saw her, like the sun, even without looking.
The muggleborn had another mouthful of her dessert and had to actively resist sighing contently as the sweet soufflé reawakened her taste buds.
"I've been meaning to tell you," Narcissa began. "Ever since we began our acquaintance, I've been catching up with all the work you've published."
Hermione blushed dark crimson red and quickly sipped down what remained of her pink dessert wine before answering. "Re-really?"
"Don't look so terrified." Narcissa said with just the right amount of sarcasm and warmth to make Hermione laugh. "I just wanted to tell you how impressed I am with the sheer amount of work you've been able to do in just a few years."
Hermione sighed pensively. "I guess what horrifies me most is the idea of being useless: well-educated, brilliantly promising, but falling out into an indifferent middle age. Combine that with a curiosity that gets me into trouble more often than not, and it's meant I've tried to eat the whole world in one go."
"Don't you get tired?" The pureblood asked, her head cocked slightly to her right shoulder.
"No. Yes. No. Kinda. Yes. Definitely." Hermione smiled as she shook her head, slightly regretting the amount of wine she'd had over the course of the evening. "I get restless if I don't have a puzzle to solve. I need to tire myself out. Plus, there's just so much to learn and so little time to learn it all." The muggleborn paused for a second as she decided whether or not to share the next thing that was on her mind. "My mother... my mother once told me that a love affair with knowledge never ends in heart break."
Narcissa smiled sadly. "See, my mother told me that in much wisdom is much grief." The pureblood said softly taking another spoonful of her sinfully rich dessert. "And I too have found that any increase in knowledge will ultimately result in an increase in sorrow."
"But surely you must agree with Socrates that regardless of the sorrow, an unexamined life is not worth living?" Hermione asked, staring imploringly into Narcissa's shockingly blue eyes.
"My dear Hermione," Narcissa said with no hint of irony, "you must accept that however seriously we take life, deep down we've always known that this seriousness is absurd."
"Then what of love? Is that too dismissed as meaningless in your world?" Hermione countered.
"Absolutely." Narcissa replied. "That, however, does not diminish it's value." The older witch leaned back into her chair, nursing a sip of port as she observed the woman in front of her - all passion and bravery fit for a hot summer's day. "Love will be loved all the better if it has no meaning. It's expectations and demands and hopes and definitions that stifle it. Let love be love - it's nothing more."
Hermione stared deep into Narcissa's deep pools of blue for a moment that seemed to stretch into a lifetime; a lifetime in which both women silently acknowledged all the impossible 'could be's they could recklessly run away into; and wordlessly, they lived that lifetime of 'perhaps' like a book's pages being flicked forward; for in that moment, Hermione understood that the only way of loving a person was to love them without hope.
But it was just a moment. Like all lifetimes, this one had no claim to eternity.
"Tea or coffee?" The waiter asked.
"Tea for me - Hermione?" Narcissa offered politely.
"Tea for me too, thank you."
Hermione rubbed her eyes trying to make sense of what had just happened between her and Narcissa, but that was the problem with feelings - they are rarely understood in the moment and they are quickly forgotten and almost always misremembered.
As Narcissa watched the waiter pour the rich dark brown liquid into a delicate china cup, she briefly considered the ludicrous idea of what Lucius would've made of all this. He would've disapproved of her choice of restaurant, for a start, and Narcissa couldn't help but feel smug about that. As for her company of choice - well, she would've never heard the end of it. She could already hear his silky voice hissing 'blood-traitor' at her. But she had loved him at one point, Narcissa reminded herself as she poured a droplet of milk into her tea and stir in a lump of sugar, she had loved him.
"Penny for your thoughts." Hermione offered warmly.
"I'm being silly." Narcissa replied, but then reconsidered. "I'm just thinking about my dear departed husband."
"Oh?"
"Duty can compel people to do unimaginable things." The pureblood said cryptically. "We were terribly in love once, can you believe it? - before the wars." She said fondly. After each lost crusade there had been hope in both Malfoy's that by returning home they would be able to begin the process of taming the wickedness and frenzy in their hearts by means of devotion to each other; but each time the peace had just been stolen time before the world was swept back into madness with wickedness and frenzy being the currency of most value. "But love gets harder," Narcissa continued solemnly. "Which is not the same as to say that it gets harder to love. Lucius was just hard to love well. His standards were high and he wouldn't settle for the quick way out, which is why we spent so many years wasting away bitterly together, hating each other but stuck together."
"Why did you stay, though?" The muggleborn asked gently.
"I guess habit silenced me the way habit does." Narcissa replied quietly. "You get so used to a person or a thing there's no need to speak of it, however horrible; so well known your roles that there's no need to redefine them."
"You know, you both managed to fool the world." Hermione said as she sipped her tea. "We all thought you were so in love. I guess it was the way you always stood by him."
"It was my duty to."
"Because duty can compel people to do unimaginable things." Hermione repeated softly more to herself than to Narcissa.
"There are three types of lovers, Miss Granger. Those who shout: 'Love me!' Those who beg: 'Don't love me!' And then there is a third, comprised of only the worst and most miserable, who say: 'Don't love me, but be faithful.' I am sure it is no feat for your intellect to deduce which group my marriage belonged to."
"And yet, you still have some fondness left for him." Hermione said without judgement. Narcissa's heart fluttered slightly with panic, unused to being read so easily - her occlumency must be getting rusty. But then the older witch looked directly into Hermione's hazel eyes and saw no intrusiveness from them and decided to trust her.
"That's because there's no lover who does not love forever."
The muggleborn broke into a huge smile and lifted her teacup, "I will toast to that, 'Cissa - to lovers who love forever."
Narcissa smiled back at the younger witch, joyfully lifting her own teacup. "To lovers who love forever. And do call me Cissy - I think we're far past all those formalities."
"Thank you."
"More tea?" The waiter asked with a pot of tea in hand.
"I'm okay, thanks." Hermione replied, placing her empty tea cup on the saucer.
"Me too." Narcissa said with a content sigh. "Just put it all on the tab, won't you, Jeremy?"
"Yes, Miss Black." The waiter said with a small bow.
"Cissy! I can't let you do that!" Hermione objected.
"You can and you will." Narcissa said with a casual, dismissive flick of the wrist. "It was my invitation. That will be all, Jeremy."
"But -"
"No 'buts' Hermione. It's my pleasure." The pureblood insisted, despite the younger witches pout.
"Next time it's my treat then." Hermione said with a determined nod.
"So there's going to be a next time?" Narcissa asked innocently with a devilish smile.
"If you ask nicely." Hermione teased back as both witches stood up. "Thank you, Cissy. This evening has been... truly wonderful."
"The pleasure is all mine." Narcissa said sincerely as she helped the muggleborn into her coat and they started making their way out of the restaurant.
"Don't you think it's funny how everything has ended up?" Hermione asked ponderously, the London evening air rushing through her hair and sobering her thoughts.
"Oh yes - my mother is probably rolling in her grave as we speak." Narcissa said with an amused laugh, looking down at her jade green heels that clicked on the grey pavement until they entered the empty park that was illuminated by scattered lamp posts.
"I suppose this is goodbye." Hermione said, trying to sound casual as sparks of potential crackled in the air, making her palms sweat and a terrible impulse pull in her chest.
"Yes, I suppose it is." Narcissa replied quietly, her blue eyes still vivid in the dark. Hermione noticed how the humming yellow light of the lamp posts made Narcissa seem like she was glowing. Her black hair was pulled back into a complicated bun, but her two white strands casually framed her face highlighting her sharp jaw line. She was a sight for sore eyes and as Hermione's eyes trailed from her thin neck, to her berry lips that were drawn into a challenging smile, she had to tear her eyes away from the temptation, back up to Narcissa's lively eyes.
"See you on Sunday, Miss Black?" Hermione asked, the simple question carrying more weight in the absolute solitude of the empty park.
"Yes - six o'clock." Narcissa replied, sealing the vow and hammering the final nail in making their scenario seem dreamlike.
Hermione didn't know what to do. Their goodbyes seemed incomplete, so she stretched her hand out for the pureblood to shake.
"Goodnight, Cissy."
"Goodnight, Hermione."
Both witches let go.
In celebration of May Bank Holiday and the birth of the princess (I will take bets on names - I'm calling 'Victoria', just saying) thought I'd treat you with an early update ;) R&R!