Update 11/23/18: Not much changed in the facelift except some typos and grammar fixes. This chapter remains one of my favorites, not just of this story, but of anything I've ever written.

Now. I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS CHAPTER GUISE. SO MANY THINGS HAPPEN. SO MANY
Chapter title from "Blinding" by Florence and the Machine

Chapter 10: So in Love with the Wrong World

"Hiccup, please? It's almost Snoggletog, you can't seriously expect me to be away from home during the holiday, can you?"

"Astrid…"

"Look, it's been a month and a half! I think Berk has figured out by now that their sacrifice didn't work. What's the worst that's going to happen when I go home?"

Hiccup gave her an exasperated sigh. "Astrid, stop following me around."

"I'd stop following you if you stopped and actually talked to me."

"Astrid, I'm carrying around a piece of molten steel. If you're looking to get some seriously awesome burn scars, then by all means, keep following me. Otherwise, you might want to back off."

Astrid huffed and took a few steps back while Hiccup plunged the steel into a barrel of water. "Hiccup, I'm serious. Could you just tell me something solid about when you're going to take me home? And if you say 'when it's safe' then I swear to Thor I'll punch you in the gut."

Hiccup yanked at the ties of his apron until it was loose enough for him to pull it over his head and toss it to the side. He ran his hand through his hair and turned to face her, sighing again as he slumped against the table behind him, his arms braced on the wood for support. He was working shirtless today, because of course he was, and because the irony of telling her to stay back from super heated steel while he had so much bare skin in close proximity to it was apparently lost on him. Still staring at the floor he said, "I'll take you back when they ask for you."

The arms crossed over her chest dropped to her sides. "What?"

Hiccup shrugged. "They can have you back when they ask for you. I didn't really want to tell you, but so far they haven't. Three raids on Berk since I took you and so far they haven't demanded their failed sacrifice be returned."

Astrid blinked at him. "That…that doesn't mean anything. That doesn't mean they don't want me back. That just…they probably think I'm dead."

Hiccup shook his head. "I'm pretty sure they have good reason to believe you're still alive." He looked up at her through his sweat-damp bangs. "I told you that to get those clothes I fought Camicazi, the heir to the Bog Burglar tribe. Her mother is Bertha, the chief and an old friend of my dad's. Her daughter catches the dreaded Dragon Master stealing women's clothes off their line? Yeah, she's going to be telling other chiefs about something that weird, whether or not she knew about Berk's sacrifice." He dropped his gaze. "Girls' clothes being stolen a few days after you give the Dragon Master a girl? Doesn't take a genius to put the pieces together. They should be thinking that there's at least a chance that you're still alive. And yet they haven't asked for you back."

Astrid slumped against the table next to him. They hadn't tried to get her back. Either they already believed she was dead or they were still hoping she would take the Dragon Master's attention away from the villages.

"I'm sorry."

Astrid nodded. "Yeah. Great."

After a long moment of silence Hiccup said, "What would you do when you got back?"

Astrid looked at him. "What?"

Hiccup shrugged, his eyes downcast. "What would you do when got home? I mean, would you go back to fighting dragons during raids?"

She stared at him. "I…I guess."

Hiccup's gaze was sharp when it snapped up to her. "How can you say that?" he asked, his voice suddenly harsh. "After everything you've seen, everything you've learned about dragons, how can you just go back to fighting them?"

"I…" Astrid shifted. "I don't…I don't know if I'd fight them, but…well I can't stand back and do nothing while they ravage my village, can I?"

Hiccup's glare didn't soften. "Fighting back only causes problems. They aren't hostile, you know that!"

It was Astrid's turn to glare. "I don't know that, Hiccup! I've seen two dragons not actively try to rip my throat out. How is that proof that dragons aren't hostile creatures?"

"You've seen two dragons who didn't try to hurt you! That's proof right there that not all dragons are bad!"

Astrid's voice was level when she answered him. "I've seen that not all dragons are bad, Hiccup. That's not the same as seeing that all dragons are good. It's going to take a little more than a couple of tame dragons to prove that the whole species is docile."

Hiccup was undeterred, and Astrid couldn't help but admire his determination, annoying though it may be. "Astrid, I've told you—"

"Yes, you've told me they're mostly docile, I know." Astrid rolled her eyes. "But you're more than a little biased." She gave him an apologetic smile. "How am I supposed to really believe what you say?"

Hiccup's glare faded and his eyebrows drew together. He looked almost helpless, before his eyes tightened and the corner of his mouth quirked into a crooked smile. She knew that look. She could practically see the gears of his mind turning. He raised a finger and shook it at her. "You're right." His smile grew as he pushed off the table. "You're absolutely right."

Astrid frowned. "I am?"

Hiccup grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head. "Yes. Come with me."

She hesitantly followed his brisk pace down the corridors to the cave that served as his bedroom, where Toothless was napping by the fire. "What am I right about? Hiccup?" He was pulling on his armor and tossing her the heavy wool cloak he'd bought her the last time he'd gone into port.

"You're right," he said brightly, buckling on Toothless's saddle. The sleepy dragon stood and stretched, his tail starting to wiggle at the prospect of flight. "You can't trust what I say, so I won't say anything." He climbed on Toothless's back and beamed at her. "Just let me show you."

Astrid stared. "What are you going to show me, exactly?"

Hiccup gestured at Toothless. "Why I'm so biased."

Astrid did some more staring. "You're out of your Thorsdamned mind if you think I'm getting on the back of that thing again, Haddock." Toothless grunted at her. "Sorry, Toothless," she said.

Hiccup sighed, his smile faltering just a bit. "Look," he said, "Just give me this. Let me show you something so amazing, you'll have to believe that dragons are alright. If this doesn't convince you, nothing will."

Astrid raised an eyebrow. "You sound awfully sure of yourself."

Hiccup nodded. "If this doesn't convince you..." he trailed off, glancing down, before those brilliant green eyes were staring at her again. "If this doesn't convince you, I'll take you home."

Astrid's eyebrows hit her hairline. "What?"

His eyes were blazing. "You heard me. If this doesn't convince you, then I'll take you back to Berk."

"You're really sure this is gonna convince me."

His next smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "If this doesn't convince you, then I'm not sure I want to keep trying." There was a beat, and then he held out a hand.

Astrid took a deep breath and stepped forward, fastening her cloak around her neck. She bypassed Hiccup's outstretched hand and carefully climbed on Toothless's back behind him. "If you let me fall off—"

"I won't let you fall off." Hiccup grinned at her over his shoulder. "But you might want to hang on."

She tentatively wrapped her arms around Hiccup's torso. Those great black wings spread on either side of her, and she only had a moment to regret her every decision that day before they had shot into the air.

Astrid screamed and buried her face against Hiccup's back. She heard him grunt as her arms became a vice around his waist. The flight out of the cave was rough; Toothless was diving and twisting to avoid rock formations and it was all Astrid could do to keep her thighs tight around his neck while her arms squeezed Hiccup in half.

Finally they emerged into the sunlight and Toothless's powerful wings beat the air as they rose higher and higher into the sky. She could hear Hiccup laughing and whooping as they climbed further up than Astrid even wanted to think about. Her heart was pounding and the air was whipping through her hair and her cloak, but she dared not let go of Hiccup long enough to pull the fabric closer around her. Eventually she felt them level off, and beside her Toothless's wings stilled into a glide.

"Astrid, look." She shook her head against his back.

"No thank you."

She could hear the rumble of Hiccup's laughter against his ribcage. "Astrid, come on. Look."

Not relinquishing her death-grip on Hiccup's middle Astrid carefully peeled one eye open, then the other. They widened at what they saw. She'd flown once before, but that was at night, and in the open sunlight the ocean glittering below seemed even further down. There were white clouds below them, and far, far below she could make out the shapes of birds. It was terrifying.

"Nope, I still don't like this. Not at all." She both felt and heard Hiccup's sigh.

"Astrid, don't look down. Look up. Look around you." Astrid closed her eyes and hid her face against Hiccup's back again. She took a long, deep breath, and opened her eyes to the world around her.

Blue. As far as the eye could see. Endless, stunning blue dotted with the huge white shapes of clouds, the world shining all around her. The sun seemed less above her and more on par with her, and everything around her seemed to be light. Surely the realm of the gods looked something like this. Far in the distance she could see oceans of clouds, waves like that of the sea flowing in slow motion across a blanket of white. Around them she could see huge mountainous clouds. Huge white fluffy pillars that floated effortlessly through the cold air.

"What are they made out of?"

Hiccup looked over his shoulder at her. "What are what made out of?"

"Clouds," Astrid said, her eyes wide as the sky around her. "I mean water, obviously, because they make rain. But what do they feel like? I never really thought about it before. But those big puffy ones, what do they feel like?"

She saw Hiccup grinning out of the corner of her eye. "We'll show you." Toothless warbled and beat his wings and they were rising higher and turning towards one of the huge masses of white. But as they got closer Astrid could see that the cloud wasn't very solid at all. They flew by it and she could see the mists trailing away from the denser areas, and when she reached out to touch it she met only cold moisture. It was fascinating.

"It's kind of disappointing."

"What?" She grinned at Hiccup's incredulous stare. "I show you something that no one else has ever gotten to see and you have the gall to find it disappointing?"

She laughed at him. "I just thought they'd be more like pillows or something, you know?" She looked back at the mist suspended in the air around her hand. "But this is…this is amazing. How can it look so solid from far away and be like this close up? It's like magic." She pulled her hand back.

"Don't forget to breathe," Hiccup chided. "You don't want to pass out way up here." Astrid nodded. It was easier this time than it had been the first time she'd flown. She'd been terrified of so many things that night and couldn't have kept her breathing steady if she'd tried. "Speaking of breathing," Hiccup said after a minute, "You're kind of crushing me." Astrid smiled apologetically even though he couldn't see her and loosened her grip.

"This is…this is incredible."

Hiccup nodded. "This is what it is to see the world through a dragon's eyes. Now look down and tell me if you're still afraid."

She did, and found that she wasn't.

The ocean's texture seemed different from so far up, rippled instead of undulating. She could see small white lines flash and vanish only to reappear. They seemed so tiny from this high up but she knew those were huge waves swelling on the open sea. Little dots of brown and green littered the expanse of blue, sea stacks and small islands. It was beautiful, but she found she enjoyed looking at the open sky around her more.

After a while they started to descend, and then Hiccup was looking at her over his shoulder and telling her to hold on. Astrid didn't have time to ask why before they were turning into a dive and she was squeezing Hiccup tight. Her thighs clenched around the dragon's neck and her hands turned to claws on Hiccup's shirt. Through the wind burning her eyes she could see their destination: a small crescent-shaped island around a brightly colored little bay that even from a distance seemed to be teeming with life.

The closer they got, the better view of what kind of life she got.

Her eyes widened as they drew up into a gentle glide as they came in for the landing. On the little islet below she saw dragons of every species she'd ever seen and then some, all huddled around little nests filled with either eggs or chirping hatchlings. They landed on one of the rare empty cliffs of the island and Hiccup jumped off before offering a hand to help her down, which in her amazement Astrid was too preoccupied to reject.

"The dragons' nesting grounds?" she breathed, and Hiccup nodded.

"They come here every year to lay their eggs and raise their young until the hatchlings are big enough to fly on their own."

It was an amazing sight to behold. Astrid had never given much thought to dragon breeding habits. Dragons attacked, dragons were killed, more dragons came in their place. She'd assumed they bred like most other animals did: whenever and wherever. She'd never considered they might have a season.

She gasped and drew closer to Hiccup as a Gronkle wandered by, but then she couldn't help but laugh when she saw the small hoard of baby Gronkles following their mother. They were round pudgy little things with big eyes, and a few of them stopped to look at her with curiosity before their mother was growling to get their attention and they scuttled off after her.

"Come on," Hiccup said, slipping his hand into hers and dragging her forward. "All your life you've been told that dragons are born killers. Well here are more newborn dragons in one place than you will ever see anywhere else." Astrid followed him automatically, her feet moving of their own accord as she stared around her in wonder. The baby Gronkles were rolly-poly little things who seemed to most enjoy sleeping and eating the fish their mothers regurgitated for them. The baby Hideous Zipplebacks were having some difficulty getting the walking thing down, as most of them couldn't seem to get both heads to agree on a direction to try walking in.

The young Monstrous Nightmares were having more luck, it seemed. They passed by a tired-looking mother whose hatchlings were climbing all over her, setting themselves on fire for a brief moment before extinguishing. And then Astrid nearly lost her footing when a couple of Nadder babies zipped past.

It was warmer here, but she wasn't sure if it was because they were further south or if it was because of the hot springs that dotted the island. She watched in awe as a mother Gronkle pushed her eggs into one of the bubbling pools. The Gronkle waited, and then after a moment a fat green baby stuck its head out of the water. "The eggs hatch underwater?" she asked, looking at Hiccup who nodded. Astrid turned back to watch more babies start to emerge from the little pool. She noticed a round blue egg off to the side and took a few steps towards it. "I think she missed one. It looks like it's about to hatch." The egg was shaking. "Should I get it for her, or will she—"

"Astrid, no!" Hiccup dove in front of her, his arms closing around her and pulling her out of the way before an explosion knocked them both off their feet. Astrid gasped, her hands grabbing Hiccup's shoulders on instinct as one of his arms broke her fall. She peeked up from the shelter of his chest in time to see a smoking baby Gronkle fall from the sky and land next to her. The baby shook his head and yawned, before pushing himself to wobbly baby feet and padding off to join his mother and siblings.

"You okay?" Hiccup said in her ear, and Astrid turned to look at him, only to be taken aback at just how close they were. She leaned away, her arms sliding off his shoulders and she crawled backwards to get out from under him. She saw the tips of Hiccup's ears turn red as he pushed himself to his feet and held out a hand to help her up. "Sorry," he grunted, not looking at her.

"It's okay," Astrid said, a bit breathlessly. She looked at the Gronkle family. "So," she said, staring at the hatchlings and the scattered shards of dragon egg. "The eggs explode."

"Yep."

"The eggs explode?"

"Yeah. They explode."

"Of course. Of course. The eggs explode." She nodded, her foot tapping against the rock. "Why would they explode? Isn't that dangerous? What if the eggs are outside the water? What if they're still in the nest? What would—"

Hiccup sighed and grabbed her arm and dragged her off, ignoring her rambling entirely.

They wondered through the nests full of little families of dragons, Toothless following behind. That's when something occurred to Astrid. She was surrounded by every breed of dragon she had ever seen in near Berk…save one.

"There aren't any Night Furies." Hiccup's smile slid off his face.

"No there aren't."

"Why not?"

He sighed, his brow wrinkling and he turned to watch Toothless try to bat away a herd of curious baby Zipplebacks. "Because there never are." He crossed his arms over his chest. "The first year we came here there weren't any and I didn't think anything of it. The next year there still weren't any, and by that point Toothless and I had traveled far and I'd seen other nesting grounds, other places favored by other species of dragons, including some used exclusively by Strike Class dragons. But even in the ones used by the dragons most closely related to Night Furies we never saw any." His frown grew and she could see the sadness in his eyes. "We've traveled so far, and I've still never seen another Night Fury. I'm not sure I ever will."

Astrid's heart sank. "You think he's the last of his kind?"

Hiccup nodded. "I think he might be. We don't go to the nesting grounds anymore. He's never shown any sign that it bothers him but…I don't know if maybe he just hasn't figured it out yet." His boot scuffled at the dirt. "And the thing is, even if I found another Night Fury it doesn't guarantee that I'd be finding him a mate. For some species it's all instinct; they find a mate for the season and that's it. For some, and for most of the Strike Class and more intelligent breeds, they put a lot of thought into choosing their mate and they mate for life." He glanced at her. "Even if I found a lady Fury there's no guarantee Toothless will like her or she'll like him. He may still never take a mate or have hatchlings."

Astrid followed his eyes to where Toothless had become a reluctant playground for a hoard of hatchlings. They had swarmed him, and he now lay on his stomach, completely defeated, while the tiny babies crawled all over him. She laughed, but her heart still broke for him. "Are you worried about him?" she asked. "He doesn't look like he's missing anything."

Hiccup's mouth quirked into a soft smile. "I do worry about him. He's never shown any sign that he's lonely, but I worry one day he'll feel like he's missed something. I don't know how deep the instinct to reproduce goes. But for now he seems happy with just me."

Astrid smiled. "I wonder if he has the same worries about you."

Hiccup's smile was genuine this time. "Maybe. Either that or he's concerned about the amount of mating I engage in that doesn't result in offspring."

Astrid couldn't help but laugh at that, even as it niggled something unpleasant in the back of her mind. "He probably thinks you're doing something wrong."

Hiccup snorted. "Hey, if the goal is offspring then I better be doing something wrong." They fell into laughter, first at his joke and then at Toothless's half-hearted attempts at scaring off the small army of baby dragons who had decided he was their new best friend.

Something picked at Astrid's braid and she turned to find a large blue snout looming over her attached to some very large yellow eyes. She grinned, her sadness for Toothless suddenly replaced by a warmth in her chest as she wrapped her arms around the Nadder's horn. "Well if it isn't my brave little storm-flier," she said, stroking the cooing dragon under her chin as she nuzzled against her. There was a series of chirps and she looked down to see four little Nadder hatchlings bobbing around her knees. Astrid broke into a grin and kneeled down to pet them. "And your babies?!" She squealed. "Aw, look at them!" She ran her hand over the nubby little spines that would one day grow into the Nadder's spiked crown. The baby trilled its joy as its tail spines raised and lowered willy-nilly. The babies pushed at each other, knocking siblings' heads out of the way to get to her hands. Astrid scooped them all close, enjoying the happy wriggly little bodies vying for her attention.

"Enjoying yourself?" Astrid looked up at Hiccup, who was absently stroking the Nadder's chin as Astrid was swarmed by her babies.

She beamed at him. "This is amazing. Seriously, totally amazing." She looked around her, at the creatures she'd feared and hated all her life, all gathered together in little families. "You were right," she said. "I'll gladly admit it. You were right."

The smile he gave her in answer might have been the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

Xx

They danced across the sky, leaping from cloud to cloud chasing waves of sunshine.

Hiccup's eyes were bright and his smile brighter as he took her hands and pulled her through the air. Despite the altitude and winter air she was warm, warmer than she'd ever been when Hiccup wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. His eyes were such an intense green and the sunlight caught the copper in his hair when he pulled her so close she could count every freckle. She watched his eyes flicker to her lips and found herself hoping, hoping, hoping…

Astrid.

How was it her name sounded so beautiful in his voice? He was leaning in, hardly any space between them…

"Astrid."

She blinked her eyes open to purple-tinted darkness, the brightness of her dream fading away as the little bodies snuggled in her lap shifted and began to wake. Astrid yawned and rubbed the side of the scaly belly she was leaned up against and the mother Nadder lifted her wing and revealed to Astrid the rest of the world.

Hiccup was standing in front of her, silhouetted against the setting sun and smiling softly at her.

"It's getting late. You ready to go?"

"If they'll let me," Astrid said, gesturing at the slumbering hatchlings on her lap. "It seems like a crime to wake them up."

Hiccup chuckled as he helped her carefully scoop the babies off her lap and nestle them close to their mother. "I've got something else to show you," he said in a low voice, a strange light in his eyes as he looked at her. She could have sworn she caught a wink as he stood. Astrid rose to her feet and gave the Nadder one last hug.

"Don't be a stranger, okay?" she told the dragon, who chirped and gave her braid an affectionate nip.

Toothless was obviously eager to leave. His tail was wiggling as he paced around them, warbling. Astrid laughed as she climbed on the saddle. She took one last look around at the dragons scattered across the island. They all looked so happy. So peaceful.

Hiccup's hands on her hips surprised her. He was climbing on to the saddle behind her, pushing her forwards to sit in front of him.

"What—" His hands came around her waist and placed hers on the strange handles at the top of the saddle while his feet pushed hers onto the pedals either side of Toothless's neck.

"It's your turn to fly," Hiccup said, his voice right next to her ear. He pulled her back flush against his chest and Astrid's breath hitched.

"I'm not so sure about this," she breathed, his warmth as unnerving as it was welcome.

"You'll be fine, I'll guide you." Was it her imagination or did his voice sound an octave lower than usual? His hands closed over hers on the handles and his legs draped over hers as he pushed her foot down on the left pedal, the tailfin snapping open behind them.

Astrid swallowed. "Is this really such a good idea? I've never done this before."

There was no plausible reason for Hiccup's mouth to be that close to her ear. "Don't worry," he whispered, "I'll be gentle."

The innuendo was not lost on her. Oh gods, was Hiccup flirting?

Toothless grumbled beneath them, eager to be in the air, and Hiccup's feet moved hers into position. He leaned forward, pushing her with him, and Astrid's heart sped up for a number of reasons before Toothless's wings spread and they were off. It left her as breathless as before, especially without Hiccup to hold onto this time, but his arms were sure and steady around her, and she was more accustomed to holding herself on with her legs now.

They shot into the sky, the clouds around them tinted pink and orange and purple and the whole world seemed golden now, instead of the bright clear blue of earlier. Her hands may have been on the handles but Hiccup was still doing all the work, leaving her to enjoy the magical scene around her. The air was frigid but Hiccup was warm, and when she shivered he rubbed his hands up and down her arms to warm her.

This must be what the realm of the gods was like. Golden and shining. She lost track of time; the sunset seemed to last longer than usual up this high. It felt like forever before she finally watched the sun disappear beyond the curve of the world, and the moonlight illuminated the soft swells of the clouds around them.

"Where are we going?" she asked, tilting her head to look at Hiccup, whose eyes were focused upwards, smiling at something above them.

"There are few more things I wanna show you," he said, his voice still low, and he nodded above them.

She looked up. She'd seen the lights that danced in the night sky many times before in her life, but never like this. Never this…close? They seemed far away and close at the same time.

She found herself settling back into Hiccup's embrace, her head resting on his shoulder as she watched the multicolored fire undulate above them. Hiccup's hands slid off the handles and he wrapped his arms around her waist. Astrid's heart sped up.

"I never get tired of this," Hiccup was saying, "I could spend my whole life in the air and never get bored with it." Astrid watched him out of the corner of her eye. His eyes wide and bright and the moon highlighted the strong line of his jaw while the wind touseled that silky hair. He was really sort of beautiful. "Once you've been up here, it's so hard to ever go back down."

She watched his face fall and his eyes fixed on something below them. He nodded downward, and Astrid followed his gaze. She gasped. There, far below them, lights twinkling in the dark, was Berk.

Astrid leaned forward to get a better look. She'd never seen it from this angle. Their village was small compared to most, but it had always felt big from the ground. From up here, it seemed so tiny. The houses little wooden boxes nestled among bumpy hills.

"I miss it sometimes," Hiccup said. "I don't know why, but I do. Even though I know no one there misses me."

Astrid felt something heavy in the pit of her stomach. "That's not true," she said, her voice low and almost unsure. She heard Hiccup's sigh, and cut him off before he could answer, "I missed you." She couldn't bring herself to look at Hiccup but she could feel his stare on the back of her head. "I know we didn't know each other very well but I missed you. I was…I was always kind of curious about you, and suddenly you were gone, and I realized I was never going to get to know you." Her heart was beating fast and she kept her eyes fixed on the pinpricks of torches burning beneath them. "It wasn't just guilt. Everything felt weird with you gone. It felt like something was missing." She swept her bangs out of her eyes, an old habit she'd picked up again in recent weeks. "I know you think no one missed you but they did. I did. A-and I know Gobber did. And your dad."

"Don't talk to me about my dad." His voice was low, barely audible over the wind, and Astrid turned to look at him, fully prepared to face his glare but was surprised to see him looking sad instead. His eyes were still on the village below; his shoulders were slumped and his forehead was creased. "Do you know what he said to me after Gothi chose me to kill the Nightmare?" Astrid didn't answer. "He told me he was proud of me. I don't think he'd ever told me that before. Not once." Hiccup's chest heaved as he exhaled through his nose. "I finally had my dad's approval, and it was all through lies and deception. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to kill that dragon. And there was no way I could ever tell him about Toothless." He squeezed his eyes shut. "He would have been so disappointed in me. He would've—he would've hated me." He opened his eyes and though she couldn't tell in the darkness, Astrid thought she might have seen the glimmer of tears rimming his eyes. "My dad mourned the son he was proud of. He mourned a son who died a hero."

His eyes were pleading when he looked at her. "I don't want him to know I'm the dragon master because I don't want to take that away from him. For a brief moment in my life my dad was actually proud of me and I don't want to lose that either. I don't…I don't want my dad to hate me. And if he knew what I turned into he would." He shook his head. "Let him have the son he was proud of."

Astrid's heart was in her throat. She swallowed. "I won't tell," she said softly. "I won't ever tell." Hiccup nodded before clearing his throat and reaching around her for the handles again.

They shifted into a slow descent as they circled around the side of the island, away from the village. Astrid said nothing as they flew over the forest and came finally to land in the cove. Hiccup slid off and helped her down from the saddle.

She looked around, at the faded scorches on the rocks, at the spot where she'd found her broken axe…at the place on the ground she had sat and cried until she'd found the strength to run for help. "I haven't been back here since it happened," she said quietly. "Why are we here?"

Hiccup wasn't looking at her. He was adjusting a strap on Toothless's saddle, up and down, in and out, trying to look busy. "You're free to go."

Astrid stared at him, her stomach making a funny sort of flip. "I—what?"

He shrugged. "You can leave. Go back to the village. Go home. I won't stop you." He glanced at her from under his bangs. "I told you I'd let you leave when I thought we were both safe. You've promised not to spill my secret, and I think you can take care of yourself. So go on." He busied himself with more needless fiddling with the saddle. "I'll stay nearby to watch to make sure you're okay for a couple of days, and then I'll bring your stuff back here, but I'm not holding you captive anymore."

"I…" She didn't know what to say. A month and a half she'd waited to hear those words and now that she did she didn't know how to feel about it. "Why now?"

"Because I trust you. Because you changed. Because you know what dragons are really like now." He shrugged. "I wasn't going to give Berk one of their best warriors back. Not if there was a chance I could show you the truth."

Astrid's heart was pounding against her ribcage. "Hiccup, I…" She thought about Berk. About raid after raid and swinging her axe at any dragon in sight. She thought of her house and the parents who had betrayed her. Of the whole village that had given her up.

She thought of the Deadly Nadder, of the warm belly she'd slept next to, of the hatchlings curled up on her lap, of Toothless with his tongue lolling out as he spread out on his back in the sunlight. She thought of her little garden, of sewing in the forge while Hiccup worked and chatting about nothing.

She thought of how she'd felt safer sleeping next to a dragon than she felt about walking back into that village.

"What if I don't want to go back?"

Hiccup's head snapped up and he gaped at her, hands stilling their fidgeting on the saddle. "What?"

Astrid's hands were shaking, and from more than the cold. "What if I don't want to go back? To Berk, I mean. What if I don't want to go back?" Hiccup continued to gape. Astrid felt all the heat in her body rush to her cheeks. "It's just…I know I've been asking to come home but now that I'm actually facing it I realized…" she trailed off shaking her head. "I don't want to go back," she said. "I don't want to go back there. After what they did to me, I don't want to go back. After everything I've seen I'm not even sure if I could."

"Not even for your sister?"

Astrid frowned. "It's like you said," she continued, "About dying a hero. When she's older Brenna will realize what really happened and I'll have been the sister who died to save her village. I'll be her hero. But if I go back…" she shrugged. "I can't fight them. Not after all that. I could claim I was traumatized, but I'd go from being the fearless sister she looks up to, to some weak, frightened I don't-even-know-what." Her heart broke at the thought but she knew it had to be done. "This way she gets to keep her hero."

Hiccup nodded, mouth still hanging open. "So, what do you wanna do now?"

Astrid shrugged. "I don't know. I don't know. I just—I don't—I don't want to go back there. I don't know what to do." She stared at the ground by Hiccup's feet. She was trembling, the world seemed to have flipped upside down.

"You could stay with me," Hiccup said quietly. "I mean, you probably don't want to," he said, louder, "But you could. If you wanted to. You don't have to. I could take you to port. You could find passage on a ship, go someplace new, someplace peaceful maybe. Start over or something."

Astrid nodded automatically. "Maybe," she said, her voice a little breathless. "Maybe." Oh gods, what was she doing? She didn't want to go back to Berk. Only that morning she had but now she couldn't fathom going back.

Hiccup's hand wrapped around hers and she looked up at him. She hadn't even heard him approach. There was a deep kindness in his eyes she longed to see more often. "You don't have to decide now," he said, his voice gentle. "We'll go home, you can sleep on it." His hand was so warm around hers. It anchored her. She had always been so sure of herself, had always known who she was and what she stood for and what she wanted. Now she wasn't sure of anything except that 'home' no longer felt like the village behind her and that she didn't want Hiccup to let go of her hand.

"Yeah," she whispered, allowing Hiccup to lead her back to Toothless.

Her mind was a swirling mess of thoughts during their return flight. Astrid watched the lights of Berk shrink into the distance over Hiccup's shoulder and gripped the arm that held her waist tighter when finally she lost sight of the village behind a cloud.

"I know," he whispered, his lips just brushing the shell of her ear. "I know how hard it is to leave. If you change your mind—"

Astrid shook her head, her eyes squeezing closed. "I can't go back." Her eyes burned with tears she was too stubborn to let fall. "I can't."

Hiccup tightened his arms around her, and when he pressed a tentative kiss against her temple she let him.

X

She fell asleep on the flight back, safe and comforted in Hiccup's embrace. He nudged her gently awake when they arrived back at his mountain home, and Astrid blinked drowsily at the large entrance cave. She felt like a completely different person than she had the first time he had brought her here. She felt like a completely different person than she had been that morning.

She said nothing as Hiccup helped her off the saddle, already missing the warmth of him at her back and his arms around her.

"You don't have to make a decision about what you want to do any time soon," Hiccup was saying, staring at his feet and shuffling them awkwardly. "If you want to go back, I'll take you back. If you want to stay, you're welcome to. If you want me to help you find somewhere else to go, then I will." It didn't escape her notice that he sounded a little sad just saying it. Did he want her to stay?

"Yeah, I'll um," Astrid swallowed. "I'll let you know when I figure it all out. My head feels kinda messy right now."

Hiccup looked up in time to see the brief smile she gave him. They looked at each other in silence for a long moment. They were bathed in moonlight from the cave mouth behind them, Toothless being far too busy watching them curiously to light the fire. Astrid looked at Hiccup, really looked at him; at the line of his jaw and his broad shoulders and his freckles and high cheekbones and the kindness in his eyes. He was so different from the boy she had known but underneath it all she knew that boy was still in there, and he was beautiful.

Her arm raised and she socked Hiccup's shoulder.

"Hey! What—"

"That's for taking so long to take me home," Astrid told him, her legs shaking. Hiccup rubbed at his arm, glaring at her. Her hand rose to sweep her bangs away from her eyes. She took another step forward and her stomach flipped as she reached out and grabbed the front of Hiccup's shirt.

"Woah, what are you—"

She yanked him closer and pressed her lips to his.

She'd meant it to be a brief kiss, just a brush of lips, but as soon as she felt his lips mold to hers she didn't want to stop. She didn't ever want to stop. This kiss was miles away from the first one they'd shared. It was gentle where that first kiss had been rough and demanding. Instead of nervous heat this kiss sent a soft warmth radiating through her body down to the tips of her fingers and toes. Hiccup's lips slid slowly against hers, giving more than he was receiving, asking nothing more than what she was willing to give. His breath was warm on her cheek and she could feel his heart pounding under her hand on his chest.

It was a simple, closed-mouth kiss, and it made her feel as weightless as she had soaring miles above the earth.

Hiccup's hand rose to her back and she pulled away, meeting his half-lidded eyes with her own.

"T-that's for," her voice sounded breathless to her own ears, "That's for everything else." Her hand dropped from his shirt and her eyes from his face as she turned and walked away from him as fast as she could without breaking into a sprint. She didn't bother to pull out her torch; she wanted the darkness of the tunnel to swallow her up. She didn't want to look at him, didn't want to think too hard about what she'd just done, or about how much she had enjoyed it.

Behind her she heard a low grumbling roar, followed by Hiccup's voice, at least an octave too high, "Wha-what are you looking at?"