Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, Tae Bo, or P90X.
The TARDIS materialized into place in the middle of an unknown room made of nothing but white marble tile. Once the voorping sounds stopped, the TARDIS doors opened and out came the Doctor and the gang.
"This must be it," said Ted in a quiet but dark sounding voice. "Planet Sven..."
"Point of no return," Marshall added in a narrator type voice. "This is the endgame. A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away-"
"-Guys, this isn't sci-fi," Robin pointed out. "This is real. Get it together!"
The Doctor said nothing as he led the group out of the room with the TARDIS. The halls were much like the room, tiled with white marble and shiny white lights. He pulled out his sonic for any sign of Barney or Sven. He could hear faint sounds of techno music.
"It's definitely the place, alright," the Doctor said to himself.
"Attention Svenenites," said a Swedish sounding voice on the PA system. "Our daily training routine shall begin in precisely two minutes. EXERCISE FOR FITNESS!"
Lily and Robin stifled a giggle as they listened to the announcement.
"I wonder what kind of exercise these guys do?" asked Lily. "Swedish style dancing?"
The Doctor shook his head as he tried to read his sonic screwdriver. "No, but these Sven people are very fit people, so they are VERY strict on exercise," he said. "In order for us to fit in with them without getting caught, we need to exercise our way in."
Ted raised an eyebrow. "You're joking, right?"
"I'm afraid not, Ted," answered the Doctor. "But it's not as hard as you think. Just do a simple exercise and you'll be fine."
"Isn't walking enough?" Marshall asked. "Walking's considered an exercise."
"No," answered the Doctor. He stopped walking and put his sonic into his pocket. "When I say extreme, these people are EXTREME! Alright, we've reached the town. Everyone think of your exercise and allons-y!"
The group entered the town, which was not very towns-y. There were doors along the walls, yes, but no buildings. It was like a large room, only twenty stories deep and twenty stories above. There was no sky, instead laser shooting everywhere and techno music playing along with fake smoke blowing in the air.
The Doctor began to jog in place with Ted doing the same, Marshall doing jumping jacks, Robin did a mixture of Tae Bo and P90X, and Lily did cheerleader moves into the town.
The townspeople of Planet Sven looked much like the other Svens, only there were female Svens. Some had long blonde hair tied into pony tails, buns, or braids. Others had short blonde hair. However, all the females wore red lipstick. Both the males and females were wearing black sunglasses and black unitards and they were all exercising around.
"Man, I feel like this is some sort of nightmare," Marshall whispered as he jumping jacked with the group forward. "Except I'm in it and I'm awake."
"Attention Svenenites!" boomed the PA. "We have found our newest recruit for Planet Sven. Introducing Sven Stinson!"
The flat screened TV mounted on the wall showed Barney on it, wearing a black unitard, sunglasses, and he was straight faced. The townspeople cheered and danced.
"He shall help us bring down the planet Earth, from which he came from," continued the PA. "But first, we must defeat his friends and the Doctor who came here to save him."
"Wait, what did he just say?" cried Lily.
The floor opened up underneath the group, sending them all falling and screaming until they all plopped onto a giant red beanbag. They all groaned as they sat up. Suddenly Sven Jorgensen appeared in front of them.
"Welcome, Doctor, Ted Mosby, humans," greeted Sven Jorgensen with his hands behind his back.
"You!" shouted the Doctor who managed to sit up in the giant beanbag.
"Sven..." Ted said in an angry growl.
"Uh, we have names, you know!" Marshall yelled in an annoyed voice.
"I see you have all made it to Planet Sven," continued Jorgensen, ignoring Marshall. "I commend you all for making it here in one piece. Unfortunately for Ted Mosby, he won't be going home without his best friend!"
Ted raised an eyebrow. "Uh, what are you talking about?" he asked.
"Barney Stinson, your best friend," said Jorgensen. "He's one of us now!"
Ted shook his head. "Nnnnnooo...Marshall's my best friend," he said.
Jorgensen paused. "Wait, you mean that Stinson is not your best friend?"
Ted shook his head. "He's one of my best friends but not my best friend." There was absolutely no way Barney was his best friend. Barney has played so many pranks at Ted's expense that did not bode well for him. Well, Barney also played pranks on Marshall, too. Barney and Marshall have even planned prank wars on other people, luckily not on Ted.
Jorgensen remained silent, as did everyone else. This made things awkward. The Doctor shifted his eyes between Ted and Jorgensen. Marshall did the same, hoping they weren't going to take him away. He burrowed further into the giant beanbag.
"Master, I am ready for my first mission," said a familiar male voice.
Jorgensen turned around and saw Barney was walking towards him, along with Johanssen and Pilson. "Not yet, Stinson," he said. "First we're going to teach you how to design buildings that look like random inanimate objects. Observe."Jorgensen unveiled a model of a building that was shaped like a lamp that had windows in it.
Barney saluted. "Yes, my master!" he shouted obediently.
Ted scurried out of the giant red beanbag and rushed over to Barney. "Barney, it's me, Ted!" he said. "I came all the way from Earth to rescue you!"
Barney stood still, remaining silent.
Ted began to think immediately on his feet for something that could snap Barney out of his mind control. He felt something materializing in his pocket. The TARDIS! She was probably putting stuff in there to help Ted out! Ted whipped out whatever was in his pocket.
"Here! You know how much you love...boobies?" Ted said until he got a look at what it was. It was a gentleman's magazine with women wearing bikinis on it. Barney DID like looking at women, making cracks about them, talking about sleeping with them and everything. "I mean, yes! You like boobs! And women!" he brandished the magazine at Barney, who remained still.
Marshall's head poked out from the bean bag. "Man, not even boobs will get him out of mind control!"
The Doctor, who was out of the bean bag and standing with his hands in his coat pockets, gave Marshall a disgusted look. "What do you Americans do for fun?" he cried.
Ted felt something else materialize in his pocket, so he pulled it out and saw it was a Storm Trooper figurine. "Star Wars!" he said happily, brandishing the action figure to his friend. "Come on, Barney, we're in space! We can have an adventure like in Star Wars!"
Nothing. Barney still stood there, silently. "I'm sorry, but I'm into Swedish culture now," he said.
"Grr!" Ted growled in frustration, throwing down the magazine and action figure to the floor. "Nothing's going to get through to him!"
"Let me try!" the Doctor offered, walking over to Barney. He put his hands on his shoulders. "Barney, it's the Doctor. Your friends Ted, Marshall, Lily, and Robin came with me to rescue you. I'm going to give you two options. You can come with me, nice and calm, or we're going to force you to come with us the hard way."
Barney blinked behind his sunglasses. "We're not a firm, we're a collective," he simply said.
The Doctor gave up and turned around. "Okay, yeah, looks like we're going to do this the hard way," he said. He pointed his thumb towards Barney. "Marshall, can you get Barney for me?"
Marshall scurried out of the bean bag, ran to Barney yelling like Tarzan, grabbed Barney, and draped him over his shoulder. "Come on!"
The Doctor, Ted, Robin, and Lily all ran behind Marshall and Barney.
"After them!" yelled Jorgensen.