Grimmjow: Four to Love
Beta: OveractiveImagination39
Chapter 10 – In Hell
The next morning before Grimmjow even opened his eyes, he knew that he was in Hell and that he should be condemned to stay there for the rest of his life. He had done the worst thing a man could do: He had spent the night with his best friend's woman.
And if this wasn't enough, by doing so, he had also betrayed his own girlfriend Orihime, the first woman he had ever truly loved, and the only one he had ever considered spending the rest of his life with.
Grimmjow got up and went to the shower. Before he entered the luxurious cabin he smelled his hands and inhaled the rest of Nelliel´s delicious scent. With a sad smile, he turned the water on and washed the outward signs of his infidelity away. Now only the memory of that night remained.
The moment Nelliel had left he had already decided that what had happened would stay nothing more than a memory. The reason was very simple. The truth would hurt Orihime deeply and as a consequence she would end their relationship at once. She would rather face all her fears alone than stay with someone she had lost her trust in. God alone knew, if she would ever be able to trust another man enough to let him into her heart again. This thought tore him apart, but even worse was the realization that it was entirely his fault alone.
However, hiding his infidelity was one thing, but the last night had changed his love for Orihime as well. Before Nelliel had only been perfect in his imagination, but now he had the proof that she was the perfect fit.
They only had met too late. Grimmjow laughed bitterly.
Instead of accepting that they both already were in good relationships with nearly perfect partners, he had wanted more, and played with fire. As result he got burned and created a mess.
Grimmjow clenched his hands. Creating a mess was something he was really good at. His father also hadn't given a shit about other people's feelings, selfishly taking what he wanted from life and those he was supposed to love, and Grimmjow had hated him for that. He gritted his teeth and in a sudden movement punched the wall. His knuckles cracked and the harsh pain made him gasp. All his life he had tried not become like his father. However, it seemed his efforts were in vain.
Nelliel had wanted to push him away, admitting she loved Ulquiorra and he had ignored her, only thinking about himself and giving into his disgusting desire.
An honest man, a good man like Ulquiorra, never would have taken advantage of such a situation and of a woman's weakness if their roles would have been switched. Hell, for a second Grimmjow wished from the bottom of his heart that his friend would indeed secretly harbor feelings for Orihime akin to the ones he felt for Nelliel. It would make all their lives less complicated, and in the end no one would truly be hurt by his actions.
Cursing he punched the wall again and again. He was such a coward. Ulquiorra was different, he always had been, and his love for Nelliel honest. Only a dirty mind like his could bring forth such a tainted thought.
That was why he would stay silent. In this case hiding the truth was the right thing to do. Otherwise he would not only destroy Orihime's life, but Ulquiorra´s and Nelliel´s life as well.
+o+o+
The rest of the day, Grimmjow stuck strictly to his schedule. He ate brunch at the combines, where he listened to pointless talks, took notes, and pretended to look interested, when in fact all the while, deep inside he wanted nothing more than to run away.
After that ordeal was over, he eagerly left for the airport, heading straight to the nearest bar where he ordered a glass of whiskey. Calmly he gripped his drink, but as soon as he lifted it, his hand was shaking so badly that he had to place it back on the counter. Grimmjow pressed his palms to his eyes and tried to breathe in deeply, yet he couldn't. The chain of guilt and fear held him in a tight grip.
By taking the glass in both hands, he finished his drink. Feeling a little better Grimmjow ordered a second one. After having the second and then a third one, his hands stopped shaking and he was more confident that he would be able to avoid anything that would hurt his friends further, especially Orihime.
+o+o+
When he returned home Grimmjow tried to be a good man, he really did. He did everything to please Orihime. However, whatever he did never seemed enough and too often his thoughts returned to Nelliel.
Orihime had wanted him to take the job at the sports magazine, a safe, well paying job with fixed working hours, so that they could spend more time together. Now she was the one who rushed out early and returned late, and when he tried to talk to her, he could see her mind drifting away after only a few moments. Her head had always been in the clouds, and in the past he had always found this endearing, yet now it made him angry.
She ignored his efforts and this frustrated Grimmjow to no end, and the memory of how Nelliel had soaked up every word he had said made it even worse. Still he swallowed the feelings down, telling himself he only had to try harder.
Thursday evening, the fourth day after he had decided to stay with Orihime, Grimmjow came home early, her favorite Chinese dish, and something spicy for him, in hand. That morning he had asked her if she would be home on time and she had promised she would.
He prepared the table, placing some candles and a potted plant of daffodils that she must have bought while he was away. The plants were a favorite of hers, and he realized he should have bought her some. Instead she had to result to purchasing them herself; reminding him again that he had been remiss in his duties as her boyfriend. Still he was making the effort now wasn't he?
Yet as the hours passed and the food became cold Grimmjow´s disappointment began to turn into anger. When finally the front door opened, all candles but one were out, and he sat in the dark, brooding, a nearly empty glass of whiskey in hand.
He stood when she entered the kitchen. Orihime took in the arrangement with a glance, sucking in her breath, and as she turned towards him, he noticed her remorse. "Oh, I forgot about it. I am sorry Grimmjow, I just ..."
With a loud clang he placed his drink on the table. "It's okay Babe. I don't mind. Hang on, I'll warm up the food."
She let out a sigh that almost sounded like relief, and after the food was heated, they sat down and Orihime began to eat. Grimmjow watched her, but he had lost his appetite long ago. An awkward silence grew until she asked, "How was your day?"
He stopped himself from asking why she had been so late, and instead answered her question, trying to let his boring work sound entertaining. All the while she listened, eating an occasional forkful of her fried rice. Grimmjow relaxed, and was about to forgive her, when her attention slipped.
When he stopped talking, she didn't notice. She gazed at the flowers with a faraway look in her eyes, and sucked dreamingly at the top of her fork. Wherever her thoughts were, they were not with him. The anger spiked, and before he gave it a second thought, Grimmjow snapped and grabbed her wrist.
"What the hell are you thinking about," he bit out.
Orihime's eyes grew wide and the fork fell from her hand. Her lips quivered and when she found her voice, it was small, "A dress… what to wear at Nel´s birthday party tomorrow. I do not have something appropriate. I want something new … that's why I was so late. I went shopping."
His eyes narrowed. A fucking dress was of more importance to her than spending time with him. With Nelliel such a thing never would have happened. His grip around Orihime's wrist tightened.
"Grimmjow, you are hurting me!"
He froze, his blood went cold, and his heart threatened to break. Grimmjow bolted upwards; his chair crashed on the floor. Then he ran, leaving the kitchen behind, up the stairs and into his room. There he threw the door shut and stumbled over to the sofa. Horrified, that was how he felt. Absolutely horrified, and for a long time the only two things he was aware of were his heartbeat mirrored by the loud pumping of the blood in his ears.
Orihime's words slammed around in his head and Grimmjow knew exactly what he had done. He had hurt her and he had done it on purpose. The realization left him shaking. Suddenly footsteps approached his room and fear threatened to rip him apart. Unable to move Grimmjow only prayed that she wouldn't come in. Facing her or faking an explanation was beyond him.
Orihime didn't. A moment later she walked away.
Again he had crossed a line. A line he never wanted to cross. His hands continued shaking. Hurting people emotionally was one thing, but physically abusing them, and without a reason - this made him no better than his father. His eyes started to burn and he fiddled the cell from his pocket. Talk, he needed to talk to someone. No, not someone Grimmjow realized, he needed to talk to Ulquiorra - the only one that knew him inside out and would understand why this simple action disgusted him so much.
Ulquiorra´s number on the display seemed to stare disapprovingly back at him and his shaking finger hovered over the call button. Schiffer would ask him what exactly had happened and again this was beyond him to explain. His little prick always could tell when he was talking shit.
In this mess he was on his own and once more he regretted it more than he could say. Grimmjow closed his cell and then his eyes. There was no way back and when tears threatened to fall, he didn't bother fighting them.
+o+o+
The next morning Grimmjow sent Hisagi a text message, stating that he needed to check some old recordings he stored at home. He told his boss that they were important for the article he was working on and that it might take the whole day. Another lie, and he could bet that Hisagi would know, but Grimmjow couldn't care less.
Even without a glance in the mirror, he was sure he looked like shit. His night had been a nightmare, literally. Once he had fallen asleep, long forgotten memories of his childhood had haunted him. While at the time, in reality, Schiffer had always been there to pull his ass out of the shit. Yet in his dreams there had been nobody.
Grimmjow opened the door and gazed into the corridor listening, but the house was quiet, and after a moment of hesitation he slowly walked down the hall dragging his feet.
In the kitchen the table was cleared, everything but the pot with daffodils gone. Grimmjow swallowed. No not everything. Orihime had placed a piece of paper under the pot.
Was he relieved or afraid? Grimmjow was too tired to tell. He even was too tired to put some milk and sugar into his coffee. With the mug in hand he sat down at the table. After having a few sips, he reached for the paper and opened it.
There was not much written, just a few words: After Nelliel´s party, we need to talk.
He brushed over his face. Even if he might be able to fool Orihime if he tried, he no longer could fool himself. His life was going down the drain and there seemed no way he could stop this from happening.
Right time to leave the stage, Grimmjow thought bitterly and turned the mug in his hands.
Only cowards, like his father ran away, but once the thought had appeared it took root in his mind, and the longer he brooded over it the more appealing it became. After all, this mess was his fault, and the others would be better of without him. Ulquiorra and Nelliel would get their life back in order. They surely would help Orihime to get along without him. After all the women had become friends and Ulquiorra had gained Orihime's trust in the blink of an eye.
Yeah, the best thing would be if he left before the party; even better if he did it now while Orihime was away. He only needed to pack a few things. Yet what to take? It was too hard to decide. Damn, if he wasn't so tired.
Grimmjow stood and placed his mug in the sink. First he would take a short nap and then he would leave. He returned to his room, but as he slumped down into the sofa exhaustion caught up to him, and he fell into a deep sleep.
+o+o+
It was dark, when something woke Grimmjow up. He needed a moment before he realized that it must have been the soft, romantic music that came from down the corridor. He recognized the song; it was one of Orihime's favorites. Still feeling groggy, he sat up and rubbed his face. When he looked over to the door, he noticed that it was left ajar. Orihime must have checked to see if he was there and more than that. As he looked about the room he noticed a steaming mug of coffee sitting on the small table next to the sofa.
Grimmjow took a sip and held the coffee in both hands. Everything came back to him, but he was sick of thinking about his situation, instead he walked towards the bedroom from where the music was coming.
Without the intention to stalk, he stepped forward, but stopped just at the threshold. Orihime didn't notice him and the sight of her created a familiar warm feeling. His lips involuntary curved into a lopsided smile. Placing one shoulder and head against the door frame, Grimmjow continued watching her.
She looked so innocent and sweet while she played with a white scarf that hung loosely around her back and arms. From her movements and gestures, he could tell that she prepared herself for the party. A larger group of people always made her anxious and Orihime now played pretend to calm her nerves.
Her tender movements caused the wide, airy skirt of her new emerald dress to swirl lightly around her knees. She looked so gorgeous that his heart swelled. Unfortunately this no longer was enough. After having a taste from a forbidden fruit, he wanted more. Something he had found with Nelliel, as sad as it was. Looking into his mug, Grimmjow exhaled loudly.
When he lifted his head again, Orihime had stopped the conversation she had held with these imaginary people and gazed warily at him. "Hey... you are awake," she said with uncertainty in her voice.
Then there was a long silence before Grimmjow stood straight.
"Yeah, thanks for the coffee," he answered quietly because he didn't know what else to say.
Once again neither of them spoke and the awkward silence deepened. With sadness, he noticed that he also had lost his ability to talk with her.
"Will you come with me to Nel´s birthday party?"
The question caused him to face her. Orihime chewed at her lower lip and avoided his gaze. She wanted him to go, so much he could tell. If he stayed away she would have to explain this to Ulquiorra and Nelliel. The outcome would be more than suspicious. He had to go. Later he could sneak away as soon as possible.
"Yeah, sure. I'll go and change. It won't take long."
Orihime smiled and approached him with a few fast steps. "Thank you," she said softly, tugging childishly at his sleeves and Grimmjow stilled; the urge to tell her the truth suddenly became unbearable. He clenched his hands which she noticed.
"Grimm? What is it? Please, we can talk right now if you want."
No, not now. Grimmjow breathed a fast kiss on the top of her head. "I'll be ready in a few minutes, babe. Have you already wrapped the present?"
Orihime shook her head, and after she had given him an intense gaze, she finally left.
Grimmjow chose clothes he knew would please her and styled his hair in the way she liked it the best.
Orihime waited at the bottom of the staircase and eyed him from head to toe. As he came to stand directly before her, she smiled timidly. Then she reached for the collar of his shirt smoothed it before she opened the upper two buttons. Next she ran her fingers through his neatly arranged hair until it stuck out in every direction.
After that she stepped back. "This suits you much better," she said quietly and placed a kiss on his cheek.
Grimmjow swallowed. Only a month ago, on the day of the high-school reunion, she had done the opposite and reprimanded him about his unsuitable appearance. Talking to Ulquiorra seemed to have changed more things than he had realized.
After he had driven the Jaguar out of the garage, Grimmjow opened the door for Orihime and helped her into the car. Indeed, she and Ulquiorra would make a good team, he thought, when he walked over to the driver's side, a halfhearted smirk twisting his lips. A shame that he wouldn't be there to see that happen.
+o+o+
"Oh my, aren't you the most precious thing," Nelliel´s lesbian coworker shrieked, and before Grimmjow could stop her, she literally threw herself at Orihime, who first let out a surprised gasp before she tried to push the other woman away. Grimmjow grabbed the lesbian's arm, the one she had placed around Orihime's waist and dragged the annoying woman away.
Fuck, they just had entered the gallery and this stupid incident already set him on edge. He brushed through his hair and without thinking, took Orihime's hand, pressing it reassuringly. She returned the motion and smiled before she gave him a nod to look to the other side.
Schiffer stood there together with Nelliel´s other coworker, the pink-haired gay weirdo. Grimmjow´s heart sank, as he noticed Ulquiorra´s accusing stare. His little prick always had loathed when Grimmjow made himself the center of attention.
Orihime tugged at his hand again. "There's Nel and … Oh my gosh, Look at her! Her dress is absolutely amazing... Grimm, can you see her?"
There was no way he or anybody else could miss Nelliel. She wore the sexiest dress in the room and with each movement she gave away that she knew it.
Seeing her walking created the well known sinful sensation in his gut, and from one second to the other the crushing exhaustion vanished. The memory of what was beyond this cloth set his body on fire. His mind burned with passion and knowing that he never again would touch her fueled his desire even more.
Nelliel´s attention, though, was on Ulquiorra as she continued to make her way towards him. From beyond the longing, jealousy twisted Grimmjow. He grew tense and was so engrossed, that he nearly shouted at Orihime the moment she pulled at his hand again.
Just before this happened, Grimmjow regained his senses and closed his mouth. However, Orihime must have noticed his reaction. A pondering expression grew on her face as she looked from him to Nel and back.
Fear gripped him again and cold sweat began to run down his spine. Nevertheless, Grimmjow gave her a lighthearted smirk, but Orihime was clever and he was a fool to believe he could pull on over on her. In the end, when it came to the point, he could fool nobody. Putting on a poker face like Ulquiorra, and hiding his true feelings, was just beyond his ability.
The shattering of a glass distracted Orihime and rescued him from an inconvenient question. At least that was what he believed. Grimmjow followed her example and looked in the direction from where the sound had come. Ulquiorra had his hands on the gay man's collar, the broken glass must have been his, dropped in his haste to accost the man.
For a second, Grimmjow was taken aback and wondered what had caused his usually well-composed little prick to lose his poker face. It must be something severe because Ulquiorra obviously struggled with regaining his composure.
Beside him, Orihime released his hand. "Ulquiorra seems to need some help. How about you go get a fresh drink for him, while I see what is going on." Without waiting for him to agree Orihime walked over to Ulquiorra.
Grimmjow didn't mind. This was his chance to get the hell out of here.
He turned around and immediately his eyes found Nell again. A man with a green and white hat and a wide coat had engaged her into a conversation. The sight of her alone kept him rooted in place.
Dear god, she was so damn beautiful and he couldn't look away. When Nel´s gaze flickered in his direction, their eyes briefly met, but she hastily turned away and encouraged the man with the hat to follow her suit.
The pain hit Grimmjow hard and ruthless. Though he couldn't blame Nelliel, and though he should have been prepared for her reaction, it ripped his heart directly out of his chest. Grimmjow´s gaze dropped and he clenched his hands. He definitely needed to get out of here. He couldn't handle any more.
Suddenly all the chatter around him died and in the silence Nelliel´s high pitched voice sounded like a shout, "Oh my God, Ulquiorra, you hit Szayel!"
His best friend was in trouble and even if he wanted to run away just a second ago, Grimmjow did the opposite.
Crossing the room he interrupted the small group. "What the hell is going on?" He looked from Ulquiorra to Orihime and then to the pink-haired man, but he avoided facing Nelliel.
His question was like a needle hitting a balloon under pressure. Unable to follow the answers and accusations going back and forth between a seriously aggravated Schiffer, an upset Nelliel, and a teasing Szayel, Grimmjow´s eyes darted around. He noticed that Orihime stood there confused and anxious, but at once her expression changed.
Yet there was no time for Grimmjow to think about what had caused the change because Szayel's next words felt like a slap directly in his face. The pink-haired weirdo's playfully teasing about Nelliel and him suddenly revealed the truth.
And as soon as the words, "I mean it's obvious they want to fuck each other's brains out, even if they won't admit it," had left Szayel's mouth Grimmjow´s hand moved on its own volition and in a swift motion he followed Ulquiorra´s example and placed a hit directly under Szayel's chin, forcing the man to shut up.
It was wrong; Grimmjow knew it as soon as he had done it. His impulsive action was like a confession. Still he begged that nobody would realize.
However as soon as he locked eyes with Ulquiorra all hope left him.
"It's been you all along," Schiffer's voice was deadly cold, "Why didn't I see it before?"
"Oh God, Ulquiorra," was all he could say before he turned on his heels and ran away.