Le gasp! Have I updated?

No.

I haven't…

Well…not really.

I am so sorry for not updating in 2 weeks like I said I would. But… right now though…I have lost the will to do anything.

My mother tried to committed suicide on Tuesday, July 19, 2005.

She purposely took to many of her meds, trying to kill herself. She died on Wednesday, July 20, 2005 at 10:30 A.M. in Warwick Hospital in the ICU….room 302…. She got her last rites and was unconsiius the eniter time. Her heart rate, when we arrived, was 40. Within one hour she was down to 0.

I was with her when she died… holding her hand…but…I feel so guilty. I never got to say I loved her, how sorry I was for being a bitch… the last thing I ever said to her was leave me alone…

How stupid could I be?

Anyway, my mothers' death has shaken me up tremendously. I am questioning why we are here, why loved ones must die…stupid…

I am very depressed. I was so close to her…she planned to kill herself… she wrote a note to me dad and my sister… about how she thought she was a horrible mom…oh god… I never got to talk to her about collage…never got to watch Dog with her… never….

I'm so sorry for ranting when you want a fanfic update.

But it may be a while…I have 4 pages already, maybe in two weeks I can put up the new chapter.

You may notice my writing becoming darker, very dark. I'm sorry…

Here's a little snippet of the next chapter…just to let you know I'm working on it as best I can.

Raven was always good at sneaking around, being stealthy like. Ever since she was born she had learned to hid from her father, even her mother had given her a few hints.

Pretty funny since the adults are supposed to discourage that kind of stuff.

She was bullied ever since she started school, she learned to hide in closets and rooms without being seen or heard.

Sneaking out was not a hard thing to do. Garfield had instantly gone to his room after running from Raven, and from the snores in the other room he fell asleep the second his head hit the pillow.

The window opened without a squeak and Raven stepped out onto the roof, almost slipping down. The roof was wet from the miniature storm earlier, so Raven couldn't sit and couldn't move without taking caution. Raven sighed and slid down to the edge of the roof. She looked down, only about a 15 foot drop.

Great...

Raven then went to the corner of the roof and grabbed hold of the drain pipe. She gave a little tug and it barely budged. Raven jumped onto it and slid down, fireman style. The second her feet hit the ground she bolted. She didn't know where she was going or why, all she knew was she needed to get away from everything.

Walking briskly with her head down and her hood up Raven looked like she was up to no good.

Then again, who knows if I am.

Raven shoved her hands into the front pouch of her sweatshirt and continued on. Cars flew by in a flash, people eyed her with caution, dealers eyed her up, and cops were no where near her. It was two in the morning and people were already up and about, not a lot, but enough to make Raven wish for silence and solitude. She took a turn into an alleyway and finally looked up. She was close to the abandoned graphitized house Luke had shown her years before. She hesitated.

...Well... I don't have anything better to do for three or so hours. And I sure as hell can't go back to sleep...

Raven, now with a destination in mind, walked slowly and surely. No need to rush. The cool morning air was gentle on her body and lungs. As she started to jog through the rest of the ally she realized how long it was since she actually exercised.

And somehow she managed to stay underweight.

She broke into a run for about four blocks till she stopped, trying to catch her breath. Her chest heaved and her legs burned.

Gotta remember to stretch next time...

The building looked the same as it was when Luke showed it to her those years ago. Just dirtier and with more 'art' on it. And the garbage. Can't forget the garbage. Raven silently walked toward the gate surrounding it. She went all the way into the shadows to the right of the building and ran her hands along the fence.

Come on... where is it... ah...

Raven found a tilted slit in the metal and tugged it back with a grunt. She ran her hands again and tugged on another part of the fence. She continued until a small hole was right in front of her. Raven smirked and shoved herself through. A sharp edge of the metal went through her jacket and clear across her shoulder. She bit back a small scream and settled for a groan.

Stupid once again Roth...

Raven went through more slowly and wound up with only her shoulder and jacket as a casualty. She sighed and looked at the cut. It was bleeding but it wouldn't leave a scar or kill her so Raven strolled along the messy yard of the building.

It was about 7 stories tall and was the same rust color as the buildings around it. Garbage littered the yard, a cardboard box here, an old gun there... and a box with holes in in on the front porch. Raven gave it a second glace before stepping over it.

"Mrow," Raven gasped and fell backwards. She looked around the yard before another scratching noise made her find the culprit.

The box with holes in it had something, or things, alive in it.

Raven blinked and crawled to the wiggling box. She tore the taped top off it to find five fuzzy faces looking at her with silted eyes.

"Oh shit," Raven said.

After picking out another box and shoving holes into it she gently placed the five kittens into their temporary home. She crouched down and stared at the underfed kitties. Then she closed the top and put it under her arm as she moved the boards on the front door enough so she could get through.

She walked into the place she dubbed as the living room and sat down cautiously on a rotting chair. A table being held up with a baseball bat nailed into the floor held the circular surface up. Raven opened the box and pulled out the kittens one by one, studying them.

The first kitten up instantly reminded Raven of Kori. He, Raven checked, had almost the same colored eyes as Kori. It also had the same innocent look as her. He squeaked as Raven picked her up to examine him. From the looks of it, the kitten seemed to be an orange tabby cat. But it also had the look of a maine coon, a really big and fluffy tail, so Raven guessed that all the cats were mixed breeds. Strips along the small body of the cat gave the impression of a VERY small tiger. Raven gently set the kitten onto the table and watched as it sniffed, around and then laid down, curling into a ball. Raven turned to the box again.

The next one flew into her arms, and started purring and rubbing against her instantly.

"A...Garfield like cat... shit..."