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Chapter 10: Beginnings and Endings

Their eyes met again, as the realization set in with the rest of the pack. Everyone, but Paul started talking at once. They were asking Jake what was up and a few of the guys told him they were happy he was back, but his focus was solely on her.

"How?" he finally asked.

"Come out on the back porch, so we can talk."

He nodded and the two of them turned around to go find a private spot. She hadn't paid attention, but they were followed. He had a seat on a small bench and she sat on the opposite one. Paul stood next to her side.

The strangest expression went across Jake's face and he stood back up, "Can I help you, Lahote?"

"Yeah, by running off again...that should do it."

"Paul..."

The two men moved closer. Bella thought back to all those conversations she'd tried to have, but Paul always shut them down before she had a chance to tell him anything that she wanted to say. If he would have let her get some of it out in the open, maybe things wouldn't be so tense at the moment. The more she thought about it, the angrier she became. Of course, his solution was for Jacob to leave again. He didn't want to deal with the complication. She wasn't going to sabotage their relationship. She loved him, they were committed to one another, but she kept trying to say Jacob was special to her. He always would be.

Jacob was starting to respond, "Since when do you care what goes on with Bells? Isn't she just a leech lover?"

Bella also stood up and got in between them. She was facing Paul, pleading with were her eyes. "Go back in while I explain some of the situation to Jake. I'm fine."

"No, you don't owe him anything, he ran off like the spoiled brat that I knew he was. Let's go. Sam can deal with Jacob."

Jacob reached for her and pulled her arm gently so she would turn around. "Are you serious? That wasn't a joke when I walked in? I thought Paul was acting up or something and pulled you in his lap. You expect me to believe that you're actually with him? How's that even possible? I come back and the bloodsucker's gone, you're still here but you're Paul's girlfriend? Did I come back to some alternate universe?"

"You're welcome and yeah that's exactly what this is. Nobody needs you around. I saved her, you didn't even try. Now take your hand off and don't ever touch her again."

Jacob was so different. He was harsh looking and sounding, almost robotic. "Not a bloodsucking demon, but Lahote's girlfriend...just a slight improvement, huh?" She couldn't even begin to process how much his attitude hurt her. She had been wrong to think that their friendship was strong enough that when he came back, he'd be ecstatic she was alive. She'd done that to Jacob and she knew it. He wasn't like that before she broke his heart.

Paul pulled her closer to him. She saw his fists clinch and it was urgent that she separate the two of them. Things were escalating quickly. It was the worst possible scenario she hoped would never happen. Bella needed to speak to both of them in private, but who first? She didn't care for the attitude Paul was starting to project. He was her boyfriend, so she thought they needed to get on the same page first.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" his jaw relaxed and his eyes softened some when he only focused on her instead of Jacob. "Come on, in private." Bella took his hand and they walked to the side of the house away from everyone physically, maybe not completely private, but it'd have to do. "Paul, please calm down. I don't like it when you're like this."

"I'm sorry, Blue; but why tonight of all nights? He's ruining everything."

"No, he's not. We're still us, but Jacob is special to me. I still wanted to be the one to explain the situation. I owe him that much."

"No you don't, he left. Why won't you listen to me about that little fact?"

Again, he was raising his voice and she didn't like that at all, so she met his volume. "You can't tell me how to manage my relationships with my friends. I tried to talk to you about this plenty of times and you wouldn't let me. Now I'm going back there so Jake and I can have a private conversation and then you can take me home."

"Take you home, what the fuck? You're supposed to come home with me tonight. See...I told you he's ruining everything. We can't even be together because you're all wrapped up in his homecoming."

Bella was feeling enraged. She just wanted to be allowed to do something that was important to her, not be told she wasn't allowed. The best thing to do would have been to walk away so the both of them could cool off, but her temper got the best of her. "I've just gotten out of one controlling relationship. You're insane if you think I'm going to put up with another one."

"Oh, there it is...Wow, fucking great, you're comparing me to the leech." He pressed her up to the side of the house and she had the slightest bit of fear. It wasn't that he'd hurt her, but that'd she'd hurt him so much with the accusation, that the damage would be permanent. She wasn't comparing the two of them in her mind, but more of what the circumstance felt like since he was telling her she couldn't talk to Jake. Paul put his finger in her face, "Don't ever do that again."

She shoved his hand out of her face and walked away. They'd never had anything close to an argument not counting that Lily incident and he'd begged for forgiveness for that for days. He apologized over and over how a real relationship was foreign to him and it was only the awkwardness that got his tongue that day at the festival. She was too happy to know that he loved her to even care, but this thing that was taking place outside Sam and Emily's was a full fledged fight.

No one was on the porch any longer. Bella pushed the back door open and got her stuff together. They were all staring, "Sam, can you take me home, please?"

Paul was on her heels, "No, I'll take you."

"Um, brother...maybe you should chill and let someone else take Bella," Quil vocalized and then sunk down in his seat after the look Paul shot him.

"I can take you, Bells," was the last thing she expected to hear from him.

"Like I'd go with you, Jacob. You've been nothing but rude since you walked in the door and all I wanted to do was explain things." She looked to Sam once more, "Sam..."

"I'm sorry, but I have things that need to be sorted out here, Bella. Perhaps..." before Sam finished his suggestion, the ever present voice of reason came to her side.

"I'll be happy to take you, Bella before I go on patrol," Embry always made her feel at ease. "Here," he grabbed her pans and supplies she'd brought to help with dinner. "Keys?" he asked Paul.

Paul said they were still in the truck. She knew they both needed to spend some hours away from each other, but she still fought the urge to run to him. She wanted to fix it right then, but then she glanced over at Jacob in the corner. He'd been gone so long, he looked out of place. She couldn't place the emotions on his face, maybe there were none. Bella hugged Emily and Kim who had been speechless, but both whispered it would work out and it'd be fine in the morning. She wanted to believe them. She and Embry were at the door when he reached out and grabbed her wrist.

"You can still change your mind."

"Paul, just let me go tonight. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"No, I'm never letting you go." His hand still held her wrist, but he wasn't squeezing so much it hurt.

Embry didn't hesitate, he reached for Bella to separate his hold on her, "Come on...let her go. She said she'll talk to you tomorrow." Paul released her just in time to shove Embry right off the porch.

Bella screamed, but he was in his face in an instant. "You made the offer to drive her a little too damn quick, study buddy. You better watch yourself, Call." Paul still had a handle on Embry's shirt when Sam had seen enough.

"Paul, get the fuck off and go. Hit the woods and run it off. Bella's safe tonight and you need to calm down. Jake and I have something to discuss and I want you back here in two hours because you're next."

The rest was a blur, Paul looked at her one last time before exploding into the large, silver wolf in front of all of them. She couldn't believe how fast the night had turned to shit and for what? All she'd said, was that she wanted to speak to Jacob. Embry drove her in silence for several miles. The two of them had become close over the past month.

"Which is real?"

"Huh?"

"Which one is the real Paul: the one tonight or the one I spent the better part of my summer with?"

"Hell, Bella...I guess the only accurate answer is both of them. That's just how he is. The way he's gotten a handle on his moods and temper had a lot to do with you. At least, that's what we all thought. You bring out the best in him, but I know there's another side. He's got a lot of personal shit he needs to work on."

"That's the problem, he doesn't want to talk about it. I've tried. I also tried to get the Jake issue out in the open before and he wouldn't let me. Now look at us."

"He's scared, he doesn't want to appear weak in front of you."

"He's a jerk, I can't believe he pushed you. Scared of what? I love him, he knows that."

"He knows there's a part of you that loves Jacob. He's scared of losing you. I'm pretty sure that's what all this was about tonight."

She wanted him to have more faith in her...in them, but Paul had been abandoned and she knew that still haunted him. But all that anger and jealousy, did she really want to be subjected to that? Could he get over it after one night? She highly doubted it.

Embry reminded her of how Paul's mother left the family for another man and how it was him and sister taking caring of their father all those years. It should of been the adult taking caring of the kids not the other way around. Bella could relate to that in a way. "Talk about abandonment issues, right? We're both in Psych, so you know I'm right. I don't have the best upbringing either, I don't even know my father. I've tried to bring up some of it and he was resistant to say the least. Even Sam tried to get in all our heads to be a better alpha. He never could get to the bottom of the anger issues either."

Embry pulled into the driveway after that. Bella had so much to think about, but she was completely spent for the night. How could she help him if he wouldn't let her in? She had a sinking suspicion he was going to continue to make it all about Jacob and she knew that wasn't their real problem. This was more about trust and openness for her.

"I brought up Edward at the worst possible time. What if he doesn't forgive me?"

"I know," she frowned at him. "Sorry, we all heard and yes, that was bad. Don't think there's anything that he won't forgive you for though. You're still his world."

"Embry, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure, what?"

"You're on patrol and I don't want to put you in the middle again, but please keep him away tonight. I know he'll be out there. Trust me, the window will be locked. I've got to get some sleep. Can you pass that on for me?"

"Yeah, no problem. Hope you get some rest."

Embry walked her to the door and gave her a friendly hug. Warm arms, she was so used to them now, but it was not quite what she wanted. She missed his touch already. They were supposed to be together that very second and now she might as well be a million miles away.

She slowly climbed the stairs, and Charlie's door opened up, "Bells...is that you?"

"Yeah Dad."

"You've been crying, what the hell happened?" Bella ran to him and buried her face in his soft flannel shirt, "Oh, Bells it's alright. I hate to see you so upset."

"It's all messed up, Dad. You were right. Jake came back and Paul didn't take it well."

Charlie assured her that it's probably not as bad as she thought, that once all the emotions died down, they'd work things out. She spent a little more time with him talking about her terrible evening. It was nice that they could talk. She never had attempted those types of conversations when she was with Edward. He had a lot more wisdom than she'd ever given him credit for.

Before Bella closed her eyes, her phone buzzed. She was expecting Paul obviously, but instead...the name read Jake.

sorry, i was an ass...talk please

okay, come by around noon

see u then

The knock at the door could only be one person, so Bella opened the door eager to get it over with. She had already made her decision.

"Hey," she pulled the door all the way open so he'd know she was inviting him inside.

"I'm sorry," were the first words out of Paul's mouth.

"I knew you would be, but we still need to talk."

She brought him over to the couch. Charlie was gone so they had the house to themselves. Paul reached out to make contact, but she leaned back.

"Come on, Blue...don't be like that. I need to touch you, to hold you again."

"Paul, I love you, but we both need to work on some stuff. It all happened so fast. One day as I was engaged and the next I was with you in this highly intense relationship. I think I need some time."

"What the fuck time are you talking about?"

"I mean time away from each other."

"Why so you can spend it with Jacob? We can't break up. I thought you understood how this worked."

"Um...to answer you first question no, I'm not trading you for Jake. If I want to speak to him then I will and of course, we can break up. I still have my free will. We need to break up if we're ever going to fix this. As far as imprinting goes, I'm not like the other girls and maybe that's a good thing."

He stared blankly at the wall shaking his head. She wasn't trying to hurt him further. She wanted them to fix what was broken and be stronger than ever. Bella tried to explain how much she needed him to trust her. She wasn't only talking about Jacob or any other guy, including Embry. They needed to be able to open up and be honest. He was closed off in so many ways.

"I always tell you how I feel about you. I love you more than anything. I thought you believed that."

"I did...I do, but Paul you can't even tell me about your relationship with your father. I know that it hurts you."

"My father? What the fuck does he have to do with us? He's a drunk, he was a shitty father most of the time. I hope you never meet him. There...I told you all about him. Satisfied?"

Paul ignored her previous maneuvering away from him and he scooted up against her. She let him touch her that time. Bella closed her eyes as he held her face in his hands.

"You don't want me to leave. Don't do this, Blue."

She even responded to his soft kiss. "I have to, I don't plan on it being permanent. Please, Paul...just give me some space while you and I try and figure out what's missing here."

He looked at her with a combination of such pain and anger. He stood up and went to the door. He wasn't going to even attempt to understand where she was coming from. He was reverting to his old ways and she didn't know how to communicate with him like that. She walked to the porch with him.

"So that's it? I'm single again."

"I...I," she stumbled over her answer.

"Just making sure in case I feel like going out tonight. If the women ask then I won't be betraying anyone by telling them what you confirmed."

"Fine, whatever...if that's what you need to do, then yes, you're single."

He stopped and acted like he was going to say something else, but she slammed the door in his face. She was done. Bella ran upstairs into the bathroom and turned on the shower and the sink full blast just in case he was out there. She didn't want him to hear how much she was crying. He was right that she had broken up with him and made him suddenly single again, but was he serious about going out right away? She knew his history and that was enough to cause her to worry.

All Bella wanted anymore was to be a strong woman that could make her own choices and still have successful relationships. She thought she'd learned quite a lot in a short amount of time even though she knew she had plenty of mistakes that she was sure to make. It was all she could think about the rest of the morning: was this a mistake that she could never correct?

She sat and stared at the same page of a novel for most of the morning. The rest of the time she cried, but sooner than she expected, another visitor knocked at the door. Would this confrontation go any smoother or would she lose another person that was special to her?

Bella slowly opened the door, and Jacob didn't look near as angry as he had the night before. In fact, he looked downright happy. He was smiling at her, she'd missed that smile.

He held out his hand and she extended hers. He shook it with such eagerness, she thought he'd pull her arm out of socket.

Jacob said the last thing she ever expected, "Hi Bella, I'm Jake...can we start over?"

~Thanks for reading.