A/N: So I had around four more chapters after this one, but alas.. I made a terrible mistake. All the character were extremely OOC, and I accidentally killed Bach, and made Ted cry. Don't ask me why, I guess I was just in a bad mood at the time. I reread everything and realized this grave mess-up, and so deleted those chapters. I was almost done with this story too. Or at least the first one, I've been thinking about whether or not I should make it all one thing, or split it into two. Anywho, take this chapter that actually had a passing grade, and pray for more.

To my utter surprise, it was not a Kirito who fell for my trap, but a slender person of the same size with long pale hair. Kirito's face was to be found behind the victim, with a large grin plastered on. The poor soul wiped the mud away from her eyes, and to my shock, I found myself falling in love. This person was gorgeous, truly a perfect being. She had big pale blue eyes, framed by long white eyelashes, and elegantly shaped eyebrows. Her mouth was small, and heart shaped, and her jaw was thin and delicate. her hair, which was very long and white gold in colour, was in a low ponytail but still managed to flow about her body. She was skinny, almost with a childlike build, but was the same height as Kirito or I. Her armor, which looked awfully familiar, shone from the light in the hallway.

"What the fuckducks Kirito? Did you do this?" Ah, her voice was so perfect as well. I knew immediately that our meeting was fate.

"Oh calm down, it wasn't me. I have been with you the whole time remember?" I cast a glare at Kirito, who was trying to win over the unnamed beauty. The girl huffed, adorably I might add, and stomped over to the bathroom to wash. I contemplated hopping out and surprising Kirito and then woo the girl, but the thought flew out of my mind as I caught a glimpse of my hair. There was no way I could win that girl over when I looked so feminine, and while Kirito was still alive. That's it! I'll kill Kirito!

The girl came back into the room, and I felt my breath hitch. She glared at Kirito before grabbing the book next to the chair he was sitting in, and then retreating to our room. Our room as in Kirito and mine. It's two beds, but sometimes I think they are a little too close for proper privacy. I sighed, and tried to find a more comfortable spot in my little knuck. Kirito caught my zombie sigh, and for a second I was afraid that he knew I was there. But instead of acknowledging me, he pulled up his menu and then started typing out something. I stretched out my neck to get a better look, but only managed to read the top part. 'Agil, something Prince is too something something something, I don't think I can handle this much longer something' and that was it. I stared at Kirito's face silently for a few seconds before looking down at my hands.

"Son….. You didn't read the whole thing, so you don't know what he meant." I huffed quietly, and Hasan sighed.

"Technically this against the restriction laws for Invio, but I think this is more important." I closed my eyes, about to question him, but there was a whooshing noise, and I was sitting in some place cold. I opened my eyes slowly, and gasped. You know that song winter wonderland? Well I was in it. Everything was covered in a thin layer of frost, and glistened gently from the cloud covered sun. Standing in front of me was a man with long silver hair like mine, and pale grayish eyes. His facial structure was slightly different from what I was expecting, as in surprisingly manly for such a girly appearance. He held out a hand to me, and helped me up. The man, who I assume is Hasan, waved a hand around us, drawing my attention to the large light gray castle looming behind him.

"Welcome to my home, Ted." I grinned and placed my hands on my hips.

"Well, I would recognize that voice anywhere. It's nice to officially meet you, Hasan." He stared at me silently for a second or two, before pulling me into a hug. It felt, nice. I quickly pulled away from him, and yacked out three ribs.

"Really? Physical contact? You sly dog you. I bet you're just like all those van perverts." He just chuckled softly at me, and started walking towards the castle.

"Now, I would imagine that you don't want to stay here very long. Much to do back on Mordia, right?" I followed silently after him, and shrugged my shoulders.

"Not really. Kirito doesn't seem to want me around, and it's not like I have anyone waiting for me back home." Hasan glanced at me over his shoulder, before pushing the large doors open. There were several servants lined up on either side of the room, and a giant staircase in the middle. It looked like it was based off of your typical Victorian manor, just everything was white. I personally like the color, so if you emdon't/em like the castle, then to bad for you. Just because of that one person reading this who doesn't like the color white, I won't tell you about the gorgeous people or the decor. If you want to know, then I suggest you offer your apologies to the wise old man on the mountain who drinks the bottle of sake and speaks of ages past. As I walked past one of the girls, or guys? I can't tell they all look the same and even wear the same big white perkas. Anywho, one of the gender-neutral peoples who are all white, giggled and whispered something into the ear of the person next to them. I couldn't hear any of it.

"Come, we shall speak in my study, and then we will come up with the plan." I looked away from the now giggling four, and jogged up the stairs to where Hasan was standing.

"Plan for what? Is there a universal phonathon happening? Or maybe a war? I was told there's a war going on." I was ignore. Seriously! What is up with all the ignoring? Is it an obligatory think everyone must do to me? At the thought of obligation, Kirito's face popped up. Although I really shouldn't jump to conclusions, it was hard to let go of any negative feelings towards the black haired asian who had taken care of me the, uh, few months I was with him. Before I knew it, Hasan had lead me to a study, and had sat me down in a deep red cushiony armchair. I glanced around the room in surprise. Now this I will describe. The walls had been painted a deep forest green, with a tan ceiling and dark wood molding. The floor was a slightly lighter shade of wood, with a middle east styled rug. His desk was old fashioned, and filled with papers and little knick knacks, and well, the room was literally fill to the brim with odds and ends. Books where piled everywhere including the bookshelves, there were paintings leaning against the walls and the fireplace, which was made of a dark stone. Overall, it looked like some collector's secret den, and it did emnot/em go with the rest of the planet.

"Oh, do you like my study? I got the idea from a French lord who summoned me in the early 1800s. He was a terrible contracter, and wished for the stupidest things, but his wife had quite the style." I quickly plugged my ears, and stared at him wide eyed.

"Sorry but I don't want to hear about your sex life with married women before my mom." Hasan raised an eyebrow at me, and then tossed his head back to laugh, loudly and obnoxiously. I just can't figure this man out. He laughs at every little thing like it's a drunk Billy Crystal on helium.

"I didn't have an affair with that woman. The only woman I have had sexual intercourse with who was connected to me by contract was your mother. And you are the only child I have. Several women have gotten pregnant over the many years, but they all die of natural, or unnatural causes." I sighed. He just had to have the last word.

"I want to explain some things to you, and you have to listen to them. Okay? Good, where do I start." I groaned and dragged my fingers down my face, hopefully leaving very cool looking scratches that will turn into scars. I like scars.

"After I got back home from Arabia, I forced my father to teach me everything concerning space travel. When I was roughly 16, the four empires discovered this planet. They feared our powers, and ignored the fact that we are an extremely lazy race, who hate being bored. We also dislike drama, so there was no way we would willingly involve ourselves in their business. But the four empires were much like you humans are now. They were arrogant, selfish, and vain. They believed they could control us. But we agreed to their contract anyway." I stopped strangling myself with my hair, and interrupted Hasan.

"You keep saying contract."

"Ah yes, I have told you that our one weakness is boredom, well, the one restraint on our powers is a contract. Much like the religious demons on your planet. If we make a contract, we are bound to it for all eternity. Our contract was to never join any of the empires, never involve ourselves, never create ships to leave our planet." Here he paused to laugh hysterically while clutching his stomach. And I thought I was easily amused by the stupidity of others.

"Like we would need ships. Ahem, anyway, I was desperate to return to Mordia at that time, so I came up with a genius plan. I sent books, and visions to the humans, and taught them how to use a summoning circle, that would open a portal from here to there. Of course I also added a contract seal, as a safety measure in case the four empires ever caught wind and pitched a fit. I got many contracts, since I was the only Invio who wanted more in life." I snickered, and his gaze turned to me. It had been staring listlessly at the wall, you know the saying, stare dramatically off into the distance, or wall in this case.

"What is so funny?" I elegantly raised an eyebrow at him. I do that a lot, add feminine words to my sentences. Is that a bad thing? Nyah? Or should I say something like pew? I could go Canadian, eh. Or kya like normal asian girls.

"Well, you keep telling me that you guys die if you're bored, yet you're all to lazy to do anything, or actually entertain yourselves? That's depressing." He nodded sadly./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""I concur. I took over this planet just to show everyone that, but they still refuse. Well some of them. Everyone who works here, or lives here in my castle have gone to foreign planets. Oh, and those maids downstairs are all in relationships. I suggest you don't flirt with them." I blinked repeatedly in confusion.

"What?"

"Nevermind. This might make you feel better, but I haven't taken another contract since your mother." I shook away my curiosity for the maids, and stared pointedly at my 'father'.

"Ah, do explain that will you?"

"Are you sure? I don't think you're ready."

"I am."

"I don't think so."

"Well I am."

"No, Maybe in a few years."

"What? Hell no, tell me now!"

"You're being a child."

"That's because you're not telling me about mom."

"Fine. But it's not something a normal person would want to know."

"I don't care." He sighed in defeat.

"I was summoned by those demon obsessives. Your mother and aunt were supposed to serve as sacrifices, I don't do those. Your mother, her soul was the reincarnation of Naru's. And I had been in love with Naru she had taught me everything I know about human life. I honestly have no idea why, but I ended up killing everyone except your mother and aunt, and then as I was about to leave, she," Hasan paused, and looked down at his hands miserably.

"She grabbed my sleeve, and I just, I just lost control over myself." I stared at him in shock.

"You raped my mother? You. Raped. My. Mother." He held up his hands.

"It wasn't rape, it just, wasn't planned, and was spur of the moment. She enjoyed herself I promise you that." I held my head in my hands, and sighed. It was just my luck to have this happen to me. The reason why I was conceived was because an ancient being from another planet lost control of his hormones and seduced my mother in a mere second. Then I can guess the rest. After the deed was done, he left her and the Evil Lego Ambassador gods above know where. I sank into the chair with a resigned sigh, and rubbed my temples. Hasan started twitching nervously.

"Please don't do that, you look like an old man." I glared at him.

"And what's wrong with that? I will be old eventually, and right now I am almost thirty!" My depression just got eighty times more depressing.

"Ehem, anyway. The reason I brought you here was so I could train you and teach you how to control your powers so you don't do something you will regret later." He paused and glanced behind me at the large doors

"One other thing. I know I said this before, but no flirting. I'm not old enough to be a grandparent." I openly gapped at him like a fish gasping for breath. O at least that's what I assumed I looked like.

"So you won't let me have a girlfriend?" He snickered.

"Well, I am routing for Kirito, so yes. No flirting of any kind." I moaned into my hands. Everything was against my manliness. Everything. Why, you ask? Well, it is because I was a mercenary working for the Avalanche gang, awesome eco-terrorists who you'd probably wanna bang. I got trapped in a reactor shortly after my last raid and got shot into a slum where I could have gotten SQUAIDS. That's squirrel aids, for anyone who's wondering at home. Anyway, I met a girl inside the Midgar zone, her name was Aerith and I soon became her bodyguard. She knew how to work a staff, and she made my body hard. Ehem, actually that's not true. I was pulled out of my inner dialogue by giggling from behind the door. I glanced at it before turning to look at Hasan, who was sighing…...Deeply. Like, Mariana Trench.

"I must apologize Ted, it would seem that my maids have read your mind." I started sobbing uncontrollably. People were reading my mind? Do you have any idea how many crimes I've committed? I would be killed on the spot! My life is over! Over I tell you, how am I supposed to live with people being about to read my thoughts? Oh woe is me!

For the next few weeks, and I am totally skipping through my time on Invio because I know for a fact that none of you want to hear what happens. Anywho, for the next few weeks, Hasan trained me in the arts of being an all powerful being. Which includes the following: Any damn thing you could possibly think of, but to be summed up it's just one power. The actual power these crazy people have is to create. Now that means that they can do things like, create portals to travel, create strength, create the ability to read minds, create speed, create objects, and so on. Who'd have thought that creation was the most powerful thing out there. The upsetting part about my uh, vacation, was that whenever I tried talking to someone, Hasan would appear out of nowhere and scold me. It always went like this:

"Hey, excuse me, can you tell me where the kitchen is? I'm afraid I'm rather lost." Then be it man or woman, they would laugh, and just talk about random things. sometimes it was food, other times it was about Earth or the weather. I would, being the polite gentleman that I am, would properly reply, and at times we would even have a good conversation going, and then strongBAM/strong! Hasan would pop out from behind a bush and say: "Stop flirting!" Or, "I told you to keep it in your pants." Or "Shut it flirt monster!" Can you believe it? The man is making me homicidal. He reminds me of the 9th Doctor, I think? How he always yells at Jack for flirting. Well, that was us. Except I wasn't flirting. I was behaving nicely, and polite. But no, that bastard just had to push my buttons. And that was for three weeks. So you can imagine why Hasan and I are currently arguing.

"Shut your mouth bastard! I am done with this shit! It's the same shit every damned day. Ooh Ted, don't flirt, ooh Ted do this do that! I'm going home!" The reason I finally snapped at Hasan was because he tried to take a bath with me. Oh, here's a pretty mental image, both Hasan and I, young super attractive men with long silver hair and perfect faces and bodies, were both stark naked and yelling at each other in a bedroom. Now keep that in your head.

"No! You can not leave here! I won't let you!" I stomped my foot and tried to walk past Hasan to the bed, where my clothing happened to be. He pushed me back, and then I shoved him to the ground. He grabbed onto my waist as I passed, and growled.

"I will fight you every step of the way! Just listen to your father and take a bath with me!" I winced at his whiny voice, and pulled at him arms, but to no avail. The man was strong, I'll give him that.

"Let me go you perverted old man! I'm not taking a bath with you!" He started rubbing his face into my lower back.

"I'll let you go home after we share a bath!" I struggled to walk forward, not realizing I had teleporting us to the Blood of the Knight's Oath or whatever, headquarters. Nor did I realize the large crowd that had gathered around us. Including Kirito, Asuna, Akihiko, and Bach.

"No!" I took a rather large step, and almost fell, the towel I had been holding to cover my delicacies almost slipped from my grasp. I let out a panicked squeak, considering every time I walked around after my bath, which meant I was naked, the other people in the castle would try to peek on me. I deduced that the reason was because they don't understand modesty, so my reactions are always hilarious to them.

"I said, LET ME GO!" I gave one last tug, and emfinally /emmanaged to slip free from him. But also lost my towel, and ended up rolling into something. I glanced up with Tweety birds flying around my head, and found myself staring into the eyes of the black swordsman. He stared down at me in open shock, with several other things mixed in. I was too numb to try and figure them out at the time. I smiled uncertainly, and forced down the urge to run screaming from the room.

"Ah, sorry Kirito. You see, it's all that-"

"Sorry, but I don't know you." He looked away with embarrassment written all over his face. I blinked up at him.

"Come now, I know that this is a bit awkward, but…" I glanced around the room, but no one seemed to recognize me. Bach came out of the crowd, and tossed a curtain at me.

"Cover yourself kid." Hasan snapped his fingers, and everyone oohed and ahhed. He smiled at me, and then offered me a hand. I ignored his hand, bastard, it's his fault no one would willingly recognize me. After thoroughly glaring everyone within sight, I stood, and dramatically flipped the edge of my cloak, before stomping out of the room. To my utter disappointment, no one followed me. Well, I think Bach might have been stalking me, but every time I turned around, there was no one there. Some time passed, I wasn't paying attention ok? I never pay attention, at least this time I wasn't lost. I wandered about the headquarters, not really noticing if I smacked into people, that is until I ran into perfection personified in the form of a woman. It was my beloved angel from before I left Earth. She was grumbling about Kirito being an asshole.

"Excuse me, have we met?" She glared up at me, pale blue eyes…. I blinked several times, I totally missed what she had said.

"Could you repeat that?" She tsked, lovely.

"No, I don't think we've met. But you do look familiar. Maybe it's the hair. We have the same hair." I internally sighed in happiness. Then I processed what she had said, again, this woman is just too pure for me. I glanced down at my braid, which had whipped over my shoulder and onto my chest when I had demonstrated my gorgeous dramatic cloak flip, and then back at her's. Which was a slightly blonder shade of my hair, but had the same unearthly perfection to it. Now, have I ever told you how smart I am? Yes? No? Well just to clarify, I'm not very good at putting puzzle pieces together when I don't want to know the answer. Hey, I'm human after all. I do have some flaws, although they are rather miniscule.

"Oh? Yes, it seems we both suffer from perfect hair no matter what happens." I ignored the nasty feeling that was screaming deja vu, and grinned at her. She stared up at me silently before grinning back.

"Hey, do you like pranks?" I nodded.

"What do you have planned? I'm afraid that I can not participate unless it's awesome." Her smile got bigger. Don't look at me like that! So pure, my black and corrupted soul is melting from her innocence. After some careful explaining on how she wanted to get revenge on Kirito for planting a trap for her, we both decided on embarrassment. If it would please my readers, I would like to tell you that both the girl, who's name I had yet to acquire, and myself think so much alike that it is ridiculous. We made our way back to Kirito's house, where I found out she is also terrible at directions, and then we entered the bedroom to lay our trap out.

"Why don't you take a seat on my bed while I collect the supplies. I glanced down at my old bed. Kirito wasted no time at all in replacing me. Although I can't imagine Asuna is happy about this development. Letting out a very depressed sigh, I sank into the bed, which still smelled like me, and hugged my old pillow. To think I would feel so upset about being replaced by such a babe. I can easily see why Kirito chose her over me, but the resentment didn't dissipate. I pulled up my menu, something I had also missed while abroad, and checked over my items. My finger hovered over my old armor, Angel's armor, before pressing it. Sadly the armor did not take the place of the peacock garbs that Hasan had put me in, if you don't want a description of my handsome, ehem deeply hated, outfit, then I suggest you leave. My shirt was a see-through teal colored blouse, that was seriously open in the front, a large dark brown leather belt over dark blue billow pants. Now I don't know if that is what they are called, it's just that they billow out to where I could fit six other legs in it. A sort of flowy slitted skirt, reddish in color, that went over that, sandels, and here's the kicker. Across my chest as in under the teal blouse, was embroidered wrappings, super detailed yah know? several necklaces, and then my large deep purple cloak over that. My hair was in a loose braid, which was still over my shoulder. Could you blame me for wanting to change? I looked like I belonged in Magi, not SAO. Oh! I might not have told you this, but I am half human. So unlike the other Invions, I can tan. And being on a planet with a sun covered constantly by clouds, you'd think I wouldn't get a sunburn, and then rapidly get darker as the days progressed. So yes, I am no longer pale, but in fact, very much tan. With silver hair and eyes. In some fancy Magi cosplay.

Anywho, my armor landed right on my head, and I let out a small oof sound before growling angrily. Stupid Hasan, stupid Kirito, stupid everyone.

"You look happy. Oh what's this?" My angel picked my armor up from my head, and frowned.

"This looks just like my armor. Where did you get this?" I turned over so I could look at her, and mirror her expression. Now that she was holding my armor in her hands, which was identical to what she was wearing, I had no choice but to face the facts. I took a deep breath.

"Can, can you tell me your name first?" She raised an eyebrow, while I prayed to every deity in existence.

"It's Pince of course. How could you not know that. I'm pretty damn famous for being such." My clone gagged, shit I hate myself so fucking much right now.

"Such a girly guy." I groaned into my hands. I fell in love with myself. I fell in love with myself. Wait a minute, what's so wrong with that? I basically a god in all respects, so if would totally make sense that I fell for myself. Besides the fact that this is totally narcissistic. He sat down next to me, and stared at his hands quietly. Why? This is so painful, I want to jump myself. Just rip off all his clothing, and eat him up. Sexually of course, what did you think I meant?

"So, you know my name? What's yours?" I forced a smile onto my face, I bet it looked more like a grimace though.

"Oh, my name isn't important." My clone leaned in close, and I had to turn my face away. I am too bright to gaze upon. I forgive you Kirito! You managed to last with me far longer than I can. I commend you, my friend! And I will make sure to leave as soon as possible. My clone stuck his face only a few inches from mine, and pouted. I let out a very high pitched onenote scream. The temptation is too strong, must escape! I must escape!

"Oh come on, you looked really similar to me! Are you also dead like me?" I placed my hand on his face and pushed him away. If I know myself at all, which I do, I would keep pressing until I acquire a name. Let's see, I can't think of anything.

"Uh, my name is uh…..Va-"

"Va?" He raised an eyebrow, and I swallowed nervously, oh please get away from me before I jump you.

"Valiant, my name is Valiant. Of course." Not too bad for a name. It is my middle name after all.

"You are called Valiant? That's the best you could come up with? Well, whatever floats your boat." I shrugged my shoulder.

"Why not? Your name is Prince." He sighed and leaned away from me. Finally, I was about to lose control, and rape my clone.

"Ted…...Ted we went back in time. I need you to erase your past self's memory, and come find me so we can go to the proper time." I rolled my eyes, of course. Instead of wanting to rape a clone I want to rape myself. Even better. At least it's nice to know that Kirito didn't replace me. It's just he doesn't know the me of the now. He, hold on a moment….. Did I seriously just say that? He doesn't know the me of the now? Is that even proper english? I toss the something table. Don't blame me, I forgot the word. You know, like the imaginary table thing, but not imaginary as in the literal sense, but oh that's the word! Metaphor! I flip the metaphorical table in a deep rooted frustration for life. How the hairy testicals of Leonitus, King of Sparta, did I forget that word? It's so simple. I mean, it's not like it's seriously easy to remember, but it's like, also not super hard to spell like entrepreneur, which also has some freaky ass meaning to it, and no one ever uses it. Now another annoying word is Wednesday. Super easy to say, easy to remember, but then it's like trying to hack into a typewriter with a supercomputer that only works for transvestite shims from Albania with Hydro epidermal dysplasia, on a full moon. Like, it is pronounced whens-day. So when I spell it I always write it as Wensday. But I know that's wrong, so I've been forcing myself to pronounce it in my head as wed-nes-day. I cry dramatic tears whenever this occurs.

"Pst, hey, pst! Yeah you on the left with the black shirt! Wanna buy some whoa? I'm kidding, I only sell fried human skins so… Damn, I wanted to make a point with this whole thing, but I got distracted by, uh, something. I don't remember what it was that, Oh! Is that food? I love food!

"Ted, will you please stop with the inner monolog, and just find me so we can go back to the proper time? I kind of want to go find your mother." /emI snapped out of, whatever it was I was doing, and glanced around the room. My past self, damn I'm so hot, was venting to me about something that Bach had done, but as you could tell, I hadn't been paying attention. I placed my hand on my younger self's head, and quickly entered the brain. Mentally of course, this is the easiest way for me to erase memories. Each person does it differently, I do it this way. I pulled away, and caught my body as I fell to the floor, no not magi cosplayed me now, but the me of the past. Duh. I feel sort of like, philosophical right now, but as in high hippies kind. Like you know man, the me of the past and shit. Man.

"There you go little me. Don't worry, I accept our feminine-ness. It's not like we stay like this, we change. And regain our lost manliness, which I so enjoy having back." I quietly snuck out of the apartment, and imagined a Halo radar in my brain, Hasan being the little red dot. Keeping that at the front of my mind, I followed said dot, until I came across Hasan. Who was talking with Akihiko about something.

"You have a very brilliant mind, I would love to introduce you to the people of my home planet. You could do us all good." I smacked Hasan into the wall next to us, and grinned at Aki.

"Don't listen to that old man. He's an idiot." He returned my grin, except it was more like a slightly surprised, polite smile than a grin. Which is when I noticed that we stood at the same height! As people reading this story, you might not fully comprehend how miserable I was being short. Mostly because I was flipping out about being so girly, which I am so over now. I must stand at almost six feet now.

"You look very similar to someone dear to me. You wouldn't be like him would you?" I ignored Aki, about time he got ignored, right? I mean like, I've ignored everyone at least once by now.

"Hasan! Open zeh portal, und let us be gettingeth crackin'." Hasan glared at me from his spot on the floor, before snapping his fingers, and then we zipped away. Sometimes its more like a pop, or zoom, but this time it was a zip. I waited silently for the spinning, and swirling colors to come to a close, and then stepped out of it, and onto a stone floor. I glanced around, yup. We are safely back at the headquarters, let's just hope we're in the right time now. I turned to Hasan, but he was missing.

"Hasan?"

"emOh, don't worry Ted, I'm going to go visit your mother's grave. And to go see your aunt. I wonder how she's doing." /emAfter that witch was mentioned, I quickly blocked anything he said out. Hey, it's not like you can blame me! She is the embodiment of diabolical and dastardly. I hate that woman something awful. Anywho! Let's go find Kirito so I can show him my new awesomeness! Oh, I wonder if I still have those God Skills. I was about to pull up my menu when something white, red, and caramelly brown flashed past me.

"Asuna?" She didn't listen, so of course I chased after her like the ab/scarf chick from naked titans chased after the masochist. Does anyone besides me realise that the main character for the show is a major masochist? He like, bites himself over and over, and doesn't give a damn if he get hurts in anyway, as long as he pleases the short tea drinker. I just reminded myself of Naruto. Do I spin off to much? Because I'm confusing myself here. As I rounded a corner in the great canyon, Asuna was flashing some crystal at a floor ridden Kirito. The ugly ponytailed dude was slowly getting back up from what I assume was nasty fall, and dived for his sword. I sped in, like the awesome me, and kicked the sword hard. Maybe a little too hard, because it flew away, and then gave off a small shine like some dramatic star. I went to draw my sword, but then realized that it wasn't attached to my hip. So, I did what any smart person would do to a kneeling criminal. I imitated the sexy kick that tea drinker from naked titans does, and hit ponytail right across his face. While he sailed through the sky like Superman, although it was only a few feet I feel majorly accomplished that I knocked him into the air. Anywho, while he was still not standing, I summoned a random weapon. No, I did not use my menu, which I could have, but since I'm totally an overpowered character now, I'm going to flaunt my abilities. What appeared was actually pretty badass. It was a spiked two headed war hammer, with a short serrated rune blade on the other end. I tossed it into the air, and then twisted it around. Now don't get me wrong, I was trying to familiar myself with my new toy before I use it, I was not, I repeat, I was not trying to show off or scare the guy. But that's what happened. He scrabbled away from me with a very panicked and terrified expression. I twisted my arm around the handle, so I could hold in in one hand, and the pointed it at ponytail.

"You're dead." I leaped forward, and then whacked my war hammer against the right side of his head, leaving a beautiful blood splat on the wall of the canyon. I winced slightly, and then willed the body and blood to shatter like it was suppose to, before turning back to Kirito and Asuna. Who were both staring at me in poorly concealed shock.

"Yo, Kirito, Asuna, I'm back." The black swordsman, slowly stood, and glanced behind me.

"Who are you? Did, did you just kill him?" I drew my eyebrows together in confusion. Eyebrows that you can now see because of my newly tanned skin. Yeah, I like, just wanted to get like, a light tan, but I got locked inside the tanning spray booth thingy, and when like, they finally like, got me out, I was like, browner than a brownie. The food kind, not the little girl scout kind. That would be weird on so many levels, but then it wouldn't be weird on others… I hate chocolate by the way. You get to be horrified by me now, just because of that one negative person. Speaking of my readers, when I mentioned the person with the black shirt, was any of you wearing one? Cuz I'm super curious.

"Yeah I killed him. He was going to kill you, and actually emdid /emkill that other guy." Asuna narrowed her eyes, and stood up to grip Kirito's uninjured arm. I distinctly remember him losing a hand, heh heh, that sounds like a joke, during his battle with ponytail, so really Asuna should be thanking me. Not glaring like I'm Shion. Who is super super hot. Have you seen that girl? Damn I would give her my virginity. Not that I am a virgin, ehem. Cough cough. Oh right, is her name Sinon, or Shion? If I call her one, and then call her the other one, you can't blame me. We all know that I suck at names, faces, and directions.

"How did you know there were three of them? And who are you." I raised my eyebrows at them.

"I'm Prince, and I know there were three, because there are three water bags. Baaaakkaa."

"Prince? That's not possible, because he's been missing for only one day. Besides, just look at you! You look nothing like Prince! " I tsked at her.

"And who's fault is that? It was you who ignored me when I was kidnapped, which lead to everything else. I have basically lived three and a half weeks in the last day. Of course I'm Prince, who else is this fabulous?" I flipped the fringe on the left side of my face while Asuna glared some more. Then I crossed my arms annoyed. Vaguely realizing that my war hammer had gone all shatter. Now Kirito was narrowing his eyes too.

"You do look totally different. Different skin tone, different height, different build, you're not feminine looking in the slightest, and Prince would never wear clothes like that without constantly complaining about it." I rolled my eyes.

"Like I said, I have lived three weeks in the last day." Seeing that they still didn't believe me, I uncrossed my arms, and flipped my hair over my shoulder again. Hey hey hey now, don't over think this. I'm just trying to get it out of my eyes. This stupid hair-do is so annoying.

"Fine, you got me. I am a super powerful player that no one has ever seen or heard of till this very moment, and I look similar to a recently missing friend of your's, Prince. Who's name isn't actually known to many people, and is referred to as the white swordsman, the girl who is always with the black swordsman, or the Bedlam Undertaker. I saved your life for no apparent reason, and happen to know both your names, and also happen to act just like Prince, except for the fact that I no longer freak out about looking like a girl, because." I paused, the memory of me flirting, and fantasizing about my younger self filling up my brain. I held up a finger, and forcefully gagged a few times.

"Ah sorry. The reason why I'm not freaking out about the whole feminine thing shall remain unknown for the sake of my manliness." Neither of them showed any signs of belief, damn. This is going to be one hell of an explanation.

END OF CHAPTER NINE