A/N: Thank You to all of the Amazing response I'm getting for this story. You guys are truly amazing, and I want you to know how much I appreciate all of your reviews and PMs. They always make me so happy. I'm so glad you guys seemed to like the last chapter (although sad) about Ana's past. Here's the next chapter, and hopefully, it's a happier one. Thank you for all the reviews (I tried to respond to most of them) and a thank you to all the Guest reviews as well.
I'm so sorry for this short chapter, but AP testing is next week and I have Physics, Psychology, and a Calculus test I need to take so I haven't had a ton of time to write. I hope you guys enjoy it none the less ;)
All mistakes are mine~
Chapter 10-Almost
Ana drifts in and out of consciousness. Why was it so hot in here? She tries rolling over, but something heavy is preventing her from moving.
Christian's draped around her, his one leg thrown and hooked over both of hers, and he's suffocating her with his body heat as he pulls her close against his chest. He has his nose nuzzled in her hair, and Ana can feel his hot breath against her neck.
A small smile spreads across her face, and she snuggles deeper in his embrace. She didn't mind the warm temperature, and truth be told, she never wanted to leave. Ana hated how clingy, how needy she was around Christian. For fuck's sake, she couldn't even sleep alone last night. Granted, she was scared, but still, she should've been able to keep her fears in check, she should've been able to sleep by herself, but she couldn't, she needed Christian. She needed his protective arms; she needed his gentle hands; she needed his soothing voice to comfort and hush her. He was her one stability in this chaotic, cruel world.
Christian begins to stir behind her. "Good morning, sweetheart." He whispers in a husky, deep voice that was still laced with sleep.
Ana turns around and stretches her body so she's facing Christian, laying her head on his outstretched arm. Christian makes no indication to move and his gray eyes crinkle and sparkle in the morning sun as he smiles down at her, softly running his hands through the ends of her hair.
"Did you sleep well?" She asks, internally berating herself for bothering him so much. She shouldn't have asked him to stay. Christian didn't owe her anything, he shouldn't have to be the one to fix her.
Christian drew his eyebrows together as he thought about her question. Amazingly, he slept perfectly fine. There were no nightmares, no screaming, and no cigarettes. He has slept peacefully through the night without even waking once.
He gives her a big fifty smile. "I slept great. How about you? I'm sorry if I was smothering you." Ana giggles at his response. "You weren't smothering me, I was just really hot."
Christian lovingly taps her nose before tugging her closer and plating a firm kiss on her temple. "What am I going to do with you and you're smart mouth?"
To any other outsider, they might have looked like a regular couple, waking up in the same bed and playfully battering with each other, but to Ana and Christian, it was so much more. Ana has told Christian her deepest secret and trusted him not to hurt her while Christian treasured that secret beyond his life. So, in a way, they were more than lovers even if they didn't have the love part figured out.
Looking at Ana, her messy brown hair matted over her face and her oceanic blue eyes gleaming up at him, Christian had the sudden urge to kiss her. He wanted to tell her that he will take care of her, that he will be gentle, that she need not be afraid, that he will be whatever she needs if she could only heal. Unknowingly, he brings his face closer to hers and he can feel the electricity crackle, pulling them closer.
Ana leans her forehead against Christian's and her breath hitches as a tingly sensation erupts in her stomach. Was he going to kiss her? She kind of wanted him to. She wanted to feel his lips capture hers; she wanted him to run his tongue along the inside of her mouth; she wanted to tangle her hands in his soft, copper locks.
She can smell the woody scent of his cologne mixed with a hint of rum and her breathing becomes more shallow, and she unconsciously sucks on the sensitive skin by her bottom lip.
Christian weaves his hand around her back and he can hear his frantically beating heart. Thump, thump, thump, along with Ana's shaky intake of air. She was biting her lip and her hair had the fresh smell of morning-due mixed with strawberries.
Ana didn't dare move. She didn't want to ruin the moment. She was surprised to find how much she wanted Christian to kiss her. She knew she didn't deserve him, and that it was impossible for Seattle's hottest bachelor to fall for a mousy girl like her, but that did nothing to curve her desire for him. She wanted to be his, she didn't even care if he was into BDSM, she just wanted him. She knew Christian would take care of her. Her eyelashes flutter close, and quiet anticipation grew in her abdomen as she waited for his lips to touch hers. Ana didn't know what she was feeling, all she knew was that it was wonderful, a mixture between dancing on the clouds happy and watching a butterfly ready to take flight.
Christian can almost taste Ana, her soft hair beneath his hands, her foot pressed between his knees, her cheek against his arm, all he needed to do was tilt his head. Did he want to kiss her?
Yes, he did.
Should he kiss her?
Christian's lips brush against Ana's and he immediately pulls away. No, he shouldn't. What right did he have to take away her innocence? She didn't need someone fucked up like him; she didn't need him and all of his baggage. He was a BDSM dominant, and she was so innocent, so inexperienced. Christian simply couldn't, wouldn't, risk hurting her. Even if he gave up bdsm, he would still end up hurting her, he always ended up hurting people around him.
Ana keeps her eyes closed, wanting Christian's lips on hers, and she feels his warm breath tingle against her sensitive skin. She softly smiles to herself, but suddenly, the electricity stops, the residue of its pull still pulsing through the air, and Christian's lingering lips are no longer there.
The bed dips as he rolls off, and Ana is yanked from her dream as she blinks several time. A bubble of disappointment wells in her, and for a second, she feels like crying. How could she be so stupid? Did she really think Christian was going to kiss her? What was a girl like her doing with a man like him? He was Christian Grey, Seattle's most eligible bachelor, CEO of Grey Enterprise holding, and she was, well…
Christian sheepishly adjusts the waistband of his pants, his morning wood uncomfortably hard, before chancing a quick glance at Ana. Her eyes are downcast and she's refusing to meet his gaze. Grey! You're such an idiot!
"Um…I'll be downstairs…so…if you want to get ready or take a shower, I'll get out of your way…" Christian awkwardly stutters before hurrying out the door.
Ana sighs as she gets up, stripping off her clothes and heading to the shower. Soon, hot water gushes over her and her mind starts wondering. She always did her best thinking in the shower. Of course Christian didn't what to kiss her. She needed to remember her place; she was suppose to be his submissive, and even though it was clear that Christian didn't view her as one, she still wasn't his lover, nor could she ever be. They were from two separate worlds.
In the opposite shower, on the opposite side of the room, Christian was showering as well. He tightly grips himself as his hand moves up and down. He was rock hard without even kissing her. Christian shoots his load down the drain as he pants against the shower wall, trying not to think about Ana. Grey, you need to get your head out of your ass! She's 17, pervert! She does not need you fucking up her life any more than it already is. She needs someone gentle, someone sweet, someone who didn't have touch issues, someone who could give her all the love she deserved…
Christian gets out of the shower, wrapping a tower around his waist as emotions, thick and heavy, continue to swirl around him. He tries suppressing them, focusing on brushing his teeth and combing his hair. He swishes water in his mouth and spits it out. Fuck, he needed to talk with someone he hasn't talked to in two years…
Taylor's sitting at the breakfast table, a file in his hand.
Steve Morton Age: 43 Career: Social worker
His face is set in that usual grim line and his eyebrows are pulled together. Christian has given him this file just five minutes ago and ordered Taylor to find Morton, no matter the cost. Taylor wasn't stupid, he knew this had something to do with Ana, and he can only assume Morton to be her abuser. Taylor shudders at the thought, but he finds solace in the knowledge that once they catch Steve, Christian will make him pay for what he did. Taylor can only imagine what his boss has in mind.
Half an hour later, Christian comes down to breakfast, dressed in dark jeans and a grey sweater, and Ana provides him a small smile. Christian briefly smiles back, his gaze not meeting hers and his left dimple remains hidden. You can feel the awkward tug of the atmosphere between them, neither of them sure about their reaction after the kiss they almost shared. Somehow, it felt as if they were a little more, but not quite the more they were hoping for.
For a while, Christian just stands there, debating what to do, and Ana stares down at her knotted fingers, neither of them brave enough to make the first move or say the first words. Finally, Christian walks over and pulls Ana into a hug. She may not act like it, but she still needed his comfort, and although he couldn't be her lover, he can at least be her companion.
"Sweetheart, I have something I need to take care of at work, you be good for me, yeah?" He murmurs into her hair, and a hint of smile tugs on Ana's lips.
XXXXXXXXXX
"Christian, it's been a long time, two years if I remembered correctly. How have you been?" Flynn asks, crossing his feet as he sat down and Christian scowls at him.
Christian didn't particularly enjoy Flynn's company, the man was a pompous ass, but at the same time, he didn't completely hate him. Flynn was the best in his field, and Christian liked his no-bullshit style.
"Flynn." He responds with a neutral tone.
This doesn't seem to bother Flynn, in fact, he seems pleased by it. "Ah, I see you haven't changed much. How's life?" Flynn asks, wearing his know-it-all smile.
Christian squints his eyes at him. He hated therapy. Why was he even here?
Finally, after letting the silence fester for several minutes and the tension grow, Christian answers. "I met a girl."
"Oh?" Flynn raises his eyebrows, jotting Girl down in his notebook before leaning back and smiling his irritating smile. "Tell me about this girl."
(Two hours later)
Flynn's smiling a ridiculous smile while listening to Christian talk. The fool doesn't know that he's in love…
"What should I do Flynn?" Christian eventually asks, tugging at the roots of his hair.
Flynn ponders this for a moment, tapping his pen against his notebook. "What do you mean? What do you want to do?"
Christian silently growls. "Why do you always answer my question with a question? Am I not paying you enough?"
An amused expression flashes across Flynn's face. "You are paying me very well." He assures Christian. "However, my goal is to help you discover yourself, not tell you who you are."
This does nothing to placate Christian, and he begins to pace. "I don't know what I'm suppose to fucking do! She's so fragile, and innocent, and she's been through a lot, and I don't want to damage her."
Flynn furrows his brow. "What makes you think you're going to damage her? From what I'm getting, you are very kind to her, except for what you did with the belt. Christian, you should know better than to terrorize someone who's been through abuse." Flynn lightly berates.
Christian stares out the window. "You don't get it. Ana's…she's special, and precious, so precious. I don't want to hurt her and I always end up hurting people around me. I need to protect her, but I don't know how, other than to find Steve and kill him. I don't know how to be what she needs."
"And what is it that she needs?"
Christian really hated Flynn's questions.
"She needs someone gentle, and kind, and sweet, and good, and who makes her happy."
"And you don't make her happy?"
Christian pinches the bridge of his nose. Why does he bother with Flynn? Maybe psychiatry's bullshit after all.
"I don't make her happy, no, I mean, I think she likes being around me, but…this morning…" Christian trails off, rubbing his face with his hands.
"This morning…I almost kissed her, like our lips were touching, and I knew she wanted me to kiss her, and I know she trusts me, but I can't even though I want to. I can't…I can't ruin her. She means too much."
Flynn shakes his head. When was Christian going to see the good in himself?
"Christian, you are not going to ruin her."
Christian begins pacing again. "How can you say that? I will ruin her. Look at what happened to Leila. For God's sake, Ana was sold to me. Sold."
Flynn takes a deep breath, calming himself. "First off, what happened to Leila isn't your fault. She had a major depressive disorder. You need to stop blaming yourself for her suicide attempt, and secondly, Ana may have been sold to you, but you have done nothing wrong by saving her from the hands of Elena. Can you imagine where she will be if it wasn't for you? Christian, you need to stop blaming everything on yourself. I've told you before, and I'll tell you again, you're not bad. I think you'd be surprised by how much good you possess."
Internally, Flynn knew a big part of Christian's problem had to deal with Elena and her manipulation. He knew it was hard for Christian to see the light when she has coated his world in darkness. She has enforced all of his self-doubts and self-harm through brutal punishment or sexual rewards. Her methods were based on the principals of classical conditioning, one of the strongest form of learning though rewards and punishments, except, in this case, it enforced the bad while it punished the good. Flynn knew he had to work on unraveling all of Elena's sick and twisted ideals from Christian's head, but that was a conversation for a later date…
"Flynn, she's 17!" Christian attempts to use Ana's age to get Flynn to see how wrong this was, how wrong it was for Ana to be with him.
Flynn wants to roll his eyes but refrains himself. "Christian, the state laws in Washington state that the age of consent is 16. If Ana agrees, freely, to a relationship with you, then there's nothing wrong with it. Plus, you're only four years older, I don't think you realize how many couple have a age gap between them. Take for example, my wife and I are five years apart."
Christian sighs, sitting down and burying his head in his hands. "I don't know what I should or shouldn't do…or what's right vs wrong, can you just give me some advice?"
Flynn relents and takes pity on Christian. He was trying. He really, really was.
"Look." He says, closing his notebook. "I can't tell you what you can or cannot do, but take it easy for a couple of days, see how Ana feels. I would encourage you to talk with her, be open. Tell her about your past, and the cigarette scars, and Elena. She did it for you, and you should grant her the same courtesy. Maybe take her somewhere where you guys can both relax and unwind a bit. A lot has happened, and it's good to have fun in a while."
Christian studies Flynn intently. Was Flynn always this helpful?
A/N: How did this chapter turn out? Yes? No? Maybe?
Please leave a review if you have five seconds, they always make my day ;)
Much love, XOXO, Lauren.
