Disclaimer: Quality Control deemed my original disclaimer to be "creepy" (I thought it was funny) and as I am rushing to make my internet window all I can say is: I don't own Tin Man.

Author's Note: So my mother has known for all of a week that I like to write stories and post them online, but she told the neighbour with whom we currently reside this as if it is a long time pastime of mine that she knows all about. I have this sudden horribly premonition of this going on the Christmas letter, or worse, being mentioned in the presence of my brother. I can already hear the mockery. Sigh.

...

Azkadellia decided she was going to name her protection detail after the seven munchkins in that 'fairy tail' DG had once told her to fight off nightmares. Dawkins could be Doc, Sneezy was definitely the one Deeg was sure had 'allergies', Grumpy was the short, stocky Gillikin, Happy and Bashful she'd designate at a later date, Dopey was their opinion of Officer Gulch, and Sleepy is what they'd all be feeling if they didn't start showing some respect.

"Don't know why they thought it was a good idea to put an Othersider in charge of a royal protection unit," griped the one she'd labelled as Grumpy, "The man is so busy figuring out his head from his tail that it's a wonder he's able to watch the eldest princess at all."

Crouched silently in her hiding place, the aforementioned princess' eyes narrowed dangerously as her hand started to glow ominously.

"He's a nice enough fellow," Doc, er, Dawkins interjected mildly, "Means well and works hard, when he's not tripping over his own feet that is," he finished wryly.

"Right into the princess' skirts!" chortled the one henceforth to be known as Happy, "Poor Old Gulchy."

Selecting target, thought Azkadellia.

"Well he seems to have done ok so far," opined the default Bashful.

"Wh-wh-WHATCHOO, excuse me. Why yes, he has been in charge for almost a month and the princess is still alive," replied Sneezy with just a hint of sarcasm.

"Only because the Tin Man shot the assassin," Grumpy remarked drily.

Target found.

"I'm not saying I don't like the man," the Gillikin continued, "He quite pleasant, polite even, I just don't know if he's cut out for the job, Otherside raised as he was. Doesn't know all the dangers and such like, could get someone killed, probably himself."

"Hey Az! Whatcha doing?" the voice of the Crown Princess suddenly chimed out, causing the eldest princess and her entire protection detail jump in surprise.

"Shhh!" hissed Azkadellia, "You're going to let them know I'm here."

"Shouldn't they know where you are?" inquired the Tin Man who inevitable followed in DG's wake, "They are your bodyguards after all."

"I'm under Officer Gulch's care right now."

"And he'd be where?" asked an amused DG as she peered into the kitchen at the gathering of red-faced guards.

"Fixing himself a snack."

All five members of the eldest princess' protection detail turned their heads in comic unison towards the pantry from which their disgruntled looking commander had just emerged with a laden tray of sandwiches, fruit and juice. Ignoring his chagrined subordinates, Gulch made his way over to the where the princesses were crouched on the back stairs.

"Want an apple?" he asked Azkadellia, apparently deciding to take the high road and pretend that he hadn't just heard the less than complimentary conversation.

Accepting the offering absently, Az was far more preoccupied with glaring at her bodyguards as they attempted to slide unobtrusively from the room.

"That gonna be a problem?" queried Cain, adding a stern glance of his own.

Sighing, the policeman pondered this for a moment before replying, "Not as long as they do their job, and I think they will," he said with a meaningful glance at the still glaring Tin Man, "I'll just have to do things the hard way for a while. Rome wasn't built in a day."

"Didn't it fall in one, though?" DG asked mischievously.

"Aren't you supposed to be gone on some trip?" a scowling Gulch fired back.

Laughing DG reassured him, "We just came to say farewell for the present. Do not fear, we shall soon be out of your hair."

"That's what people are always telling me and yet you keep coming back," the cop muttered, "You're like that blasted cat."

Taking a bite of her apple, Azkadellia puzzled over the exchange, this was the second time Gulch had likened DG to a cat. She didn't get it.

"Oh come on Gulch," retorted a grinning Deeg, "you know you luuuuv me."

Azkadellia choked on her apple. Officer Gulch looked like a deer caught in the headlights as he tried to split his attention between ascertaining if his charge would need the Heimlich manoeuvre and determining if Cain was going to shoot him. Fortunately DG reached up and had the Tin Man lower the gun.

Handing the eldest princess his juice, the cop stated dryly, "Oh yes, I love near death experiences, I don't know what I do without you constantly providing them. You know how I really love you though? Far away. And would please explain to your Tin Man the concept of a joke," he finished in exasperation as Cain's revolver left the holster once more.

Still laughing, the Crown Princess reassured herself that her sister really was okay, gathered up her Tin Man and left. Officer Gulch, meanwhile, sat down on the step and observed his charge.

"You don't really love DG do you?" Azkadellia forced herself to ask when she finally recovered from her coughing fit.

"Like the sister I thank God every night that I do not have," the cop replied fervently.

Pondering this, Az decided it was acceptable. It would be so inconvenient if Cain felt it necessary to shoot her Othersider, and, all things considered, Gulch and DG having a sibling-like relationship was a good thing. In fact, she considered as she took another bite of apple, that would be about perfect. Now all she had to do is get the munchkins' tails in line. Or was it dwarves?