It's funny, I find myself writing differently every time I come back to this story. I do seem to be going in a different direction than I was when I started this story. It's still a Rose/Dimitri fan fic. So no worries! Anywhooo, here is the next chapter.

Chapter 9

I watched as Adrian walked away, wanting to go after him but unable to move from my door frame. As he disappeared down the hall, my focus turned to Dimitri. I felt my features harden and my gaze turn icy. I looked him over, he was still wearing the clothes from earlier and as I looked him over, a dull ache resounded in my chest. It angered me that he was here, messing up a relationship that was already on the brink of destruction.

"What do you want?" I asked, my tone emotionless.

He stared at me for a second as if he was assessing me. His brown eyes held mine captive, tray as I might to break contact I couldn't.

"I just came by to mention that this hatred between us is hurting the Princess. We should just put our differences aside for her" He said quietly.

I could do nothing but stare at him, my mouth wanted to pop open at his audacity. I held my gaze for the most part, only the tiniest bit of faltering being shown through.

"You think I hate you?!" My voice raised just on the verge of screaming.

His face showed shock, his mouth opened only slightly. I could feel his cool breath on my skin, making it more difficult to be outraged.

"Don't you?"

I looked away from him, my head going down. I noticed in horror that I was still in my robe and not much else. I took a deep breath to steady myself.

"I should hate you, I should curse your name and wish you to the fiery pits of hell. But I don't. I still want you, need you even. I know it's my problem and you've made yourself clear but I can't seem to help it. It's ruining things between me and Adrian but even still I can't seem to let go."

I took a breath, realizing tears had begun to fall down my face without my permission. I shook my head, trying to get my act together.

"I wish that night in the cabin never happened. I wish I didn't know what I was missing" I whispered.

My eyes were focused on the ground so I never saw the expression that crossed his face. I heard him suck in a deep breath and saw his feet shift from one to the other. I almost smiled, I had never seen him this restless.

When he finally spoke, it sounded unsteady.

"I don't. I'm not saying it was my smartest decision or that I feel for you in that manner anymore. I will never regret being with you even though I no longer love you like that"

I felt his fingers briefly touch my face and I really tried not to lean into it and failed miserably. I snapped my head up to meet his eyes at the same time he pulled his hand back.

"Can you see why it's best if we are not friendly? Can't you see that I need to protect my heart? Leave some unbroken so that Adrian has something to put back together. Pretending to be friends would be the final nail in my coffin" I said honestly.

He nodded in understanding. I could see he was warring between feeling sorry for me and consideration for Lissa. I let pity be what I felt for him in the end. I gently placed my hand on his arm, feeling the cracks in my heart widen. I would let him go. I would try.

'Maybe I should ask for a vacation' I thought.

"I'll try Dimitri, I'll try for her" I said, my voice cracking on his name.

He looked relieved as well as guilty. Knowing what he was asking of me couldn't weigh easy on his mind. The look he held made my decision for me. I would take a vacation, be normal for a while. Even though I had only been a true guardian for a few months, my track record more than qualified me for time off. It would kill me to not protect Lissa but for once I should come first. I managed to smile kindly at him, trying to relieve him of this imaginary obligation to look after me.

"Go Dimitri, I'll be fine. Promise." My voice managed to hold steady as I spoke.

He smiled back at me. I hoped he believed my lies. Hoped he would take care of Lissa while I was gone. Hoped he would reassure her it wasn't her fault.

"Alright Hathaway" He said, his voice cautiously happy. He seemed to swallow my half-truths. Seemed to truly believe that I was going to try. I knew that he knew I was lying, Dimitri was always best at seeing through me. He was making himself believe me. I almost laughed outright.

"Just Rose" I said quietly, the false smile still upon my lips.

"Rose" He spoke my name, almost savoring it.

I nodded then eyed my door that had been open for who knows how long. He seemed to get the hint and ducked his head as a goodbye before smiling and walking the same path Adrian had before him.

As soon as he disappeared I closed my door and turned to my messy room. I walked to my closet that held my luggage and began packing the essentials. The last time I left I was searching Dimitri, this time I was trying to get away from him. Irony was a cruel mistress.

I kept my mind busy as I packed, trying not to think about what I was leaving behind. I wouldn't be gone forever, a month at the most. I would hurt everyone. Lissa would blame herself, Dimitri would watch whatever trust he had in me crumble to dust. And Adrian, now that was hard to think about. I knew I would never love him enough. I used him and I felt awful about that but I couldn't make myself feel about him the way he wanted. He would think that I left because he tried to pressure me into sleeping with him when I wasn't ready.

I sighed. If I continued to think about why I should stay, I would never leave. I had grown so much over the last couple years, it was hard to put my own emotional status over my duty to Lissa. It almost felt like I was regressing into myself. None-the-less, I would put in my paperwork for time off to the Queen herself and then walk out of court. I debated on calling Abe, but changed my mind before I thought it all the way through. Finally deciding who to call, I picked up my phone and dialed. It rang twice before a sleepy voice picked up.

"Hello?"

I actually cracked a smile "Hey, It's Rose. Can you pick me up at the outside of the court gates tomorrow morning?"

The voice groaned. "Rose! Not running away again are we?"

I chuckled "Don't I always?"

A sigh was heard over the line "Fine but be on time for once okay? Abe is going to give me hell about this"

"Alright, goodnight" I said with a final laugh before hanging up.

XXX

I woke up the next morning, while everyone else was sleeping. I grabbed my bags and placed the letters I'd written on my bed. I walked out of my room and to the administrative office. I smiled at the worker on graveyard shift as I placed my leave paperwork in front of her. She gawked at me as if I had two heads.

"Rosemary Hathaway" She said to herself as she looked at her computer "I don't believe you have any time to take off"

I smiled, almost cat-like at her. "Patch it through to the Queen" I said in smug voice.

She turned beat red "You think I would disturb Her Highness for you?!" I simply nodded at her, still smiling.

She turned back to her computer, grumbling to herself. I waited patiently for a few minutes until I heard the telling sound of a notification. I looked at the shocked expression on her face, my smile growing.

"Your time off has been approved by the high order of Queen Titania" She mumbled as she began stamping my paperwork. She held out my copies and I grabbed them, throwing another smile at her before picking up my bags and walking out of the building and towards the gate. Sydney was waiting for me in her red convertible, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel.

I breathed in the smell of court before exiting the gate and climbing into her car.

She turned to me and looked me over. "You look like hell. Where to?"

I ignored her comment on my appearance and just grinned.

"Anywhere."