Thanks for the reviews! And a big thanks to my editor, Alisa!
Four months had passed since Mac had been in Miami. Horatio had hesitated to call him. He knew Mac was right and that he needed to do some soul searching. But after hiding what lurked deep inside him; hiding who he really was for so many years it was hard to admit it to himself. He had tried to talk to Frank, but every time he was about to bring up the subject of himself and his sexual orientation, he stopped before the words could leave his mouth. Frank didn't know what he was... he knew his Texan friend suspected it, but he didn't know yet. He couldn't be sure. What if Frank rejected him if Horatio told him the truth? What if his team found out and rejected him too?
The risk of losing those he loved; those he considered family made him keep his deepest secret closer to his heart. He knew there was really only one person he could admit it to. But even admitting who he was, didn't mean he could suddenly get into a relationship with Mac. Confessing to himself and accepting himself was one step on the way to being more at ease with his soul. He had started to realize after four months, that he would need Mac's help to overcome his past.
So one evening he decided to give the New York CSI a call. He was nervous, his hands sweating and shaking, as he held the phone to his ear. He could feel his heartbeat pounding in his chest; he had never been this nervous before. It seemed like Mac wasn't going to answer and although Horatio had prepared himself for it, he was disappointed to hear only the ring tune in the phone. No answer.
What could he expect after four months of silence? Mac had told him to call him, but still...
Horatio sighed and pulled the phone away from his ear when...
"Taylor."
"Uh, hi." Horatio said, stunned that Mac had answered, "It's Horatio."
To his surprise and immediate relief, Mac didn't sound angry at suddenly getting a call from the redhead.
"Ah, Horatio! I knew you'd call eventually." Mac said and caused Horatio to smile.
"Yes, well... sorry it took so long." Horatio said, ashamed.
"Don't be. I didn't expect it to go fast. It takes time to realize and confess who you really are to yourself." Mac said, knowing the redhead wouldn't have called him if he hadn't accepted himself now.
"You sound as though you speak from experience."
"Yes, I had to hide who I was when I was in theMarines." Mac sighed, "It was tough. And I had to hide from my parents too. I knew my mother wouldn't think badly of me for being bisexual, but my dad... well, I guess you could say he was old-school."
Horatio cringed at the mention of a stern father. His own father had been far from loving and caring and was essentially the root of all Horatio's problems. But he wasn't yet prepared to share that with Mac. Although, Mac had probably already guessed it by now; he was a good CSI.
"Eventually when I became a CSI and met Stella, she made me realize that I shouldn't hide who I was. Instead I should be proud." Mac said, "Now, I don't go around telling everyone about my sexual orientation, but if someone asks me I tell them the truth."
"That's strong of you." Horatio said, admiring Mac's strength and how safe he felt with himself.
Horatio thought of himself as a coward in comparison to the New York CSI.
"Thank you. Believe me when I say,that I know how difficult it is for you." Mac said, "And coming clean to yourself is just one step of the way."
"I-I, I uh ... I haven't come clean to you yet." Horatio stammered.
"But you have to yourself?"
"Yes." He said silently.
"That's good enough." Mac smiled and then after a moment of silence he said, "Want to tell me?"
"I'm... gay." Horatio said quietly.
For the first time since he had told himself that, he didn't have a flashback of his father beating him bloody or hear his father's words in his head, telling him how disgusting Horatio was. For the first time, he could say it to himself and to someone else and feel nothing but peace.
"That's a good start. Does anyone else know?" Mac asked.
"I think Frank Tripp does, and maybe Alexx Woods. But no one else."
"Good. Let's keep it that way." Mac said and then laughed, "I feel like a preacher."
"Well, I need some guidance with this. You've been through this whole hiding and coming out of the closet thing."
"Yeah. " Mac smiled, "Look, uh... I'm prepared to help you with this. With your fears, but you need to trust me for me to be able to do it."
It took a few minutes but eventually Horatio said a quiet, "I trust you."
"Good." Mac grinned.
The two men talked some more about work and their teams. Mac told Horatio about the new medical examiner named Peyton Driscoll. Horatio told him about Eric and Ryan's fights and how he had tried to fix it, but now he feared something else was making Eric less focused at work. He sensed Eric was doing something wrong in his private life, and he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to help him. Mac told him about Flack getting injured in an explosion, but surviving.
"I think he has a romance with one of our detectives Jessica Angel." Mac chuckled.
"That's good for him." Horatio grinned.
He told Mac how he worried that Calleigh might never get back to ballistics after John Hagen had shot himself in her lab. Mac reassured him that someone like Calleigh always found their way back.
When they after an hour said goodbye, Horatio felt at ease with having a friend like Mac. However, there was also a nagging feeling of fear of what to come inside him. He hoped his heart wouldn't be broken and that it did end, his transition into being his true self would be for the best and not turn out to be a bad choice.
-I-
A few weeks later
Horatio rubbed his temples as he thought of the situation his friend had put himself in. Eric Delko had been caught buying marijuana for his sister. If Marisol Delko hadn't come to the lab to tell Horatio and IAB what was really going on, Eric could have lost his job. It turned out that Marisol had cancer and Eric had wanted to help his sister with her pains by buying marijuana. Horatio admired Eric's caring nature towards his family, but he had put himself in a bad situation. Now he would have IAB watching him very closely. He hadn't been charged in the end, which was good.
Horatio wished the younger man had come to him with his problems. Horatio could have made sure Eric hadn't been caught. Or at least been there faster to help him, when he did get caught. At least Horatio and the team could help him now.
These last few months had been tough on the team, at last it seemed like things were getting easier. Calleigh was finally back in ballistics. Ryan had been shot with a nail gun, which had finally brought an end to his and Eric's constant bickering. The two young men were finally starting to tolerate each other and actually forming a friendship. It seemed like they had realized, that they could become good friends.
Horatio was feeling better as time went by. He had caught his long-time nemesis Walter Resden, which had been a huge relief. While he was contemplating the team's situation and his own life, he felt someone sneak up on him. He was sitting on a bench in the park, looking out over a big pond.
"Do you always sit here alone?" A female voice said.
Horatio smiled, knowing to whom that voice belonged.
"Yes."
"Should I go?"
"No, having company is never a problem for me."
The woman sat down next to him and smiled. By looking at her you couldn't tell she was sick, but according to Eric she was very sick. It wasn't certain that the chemo would work, and so he and his family worried every day for her life.
"I want to thank you for helping my brother today." Marisol said, "It means a lot to him... and to me."
"You're welcome." Horatio smiled, "I just wished he would have come to me sooner."
"I told him to, but you know Eric; always trying to make sure no else ends up in trouble because of him." Marisol said, a trait she had heard he had picked up from Horatio.
"Yes, that's an admirable trait, but not always good for yourself." Horatio smiled.
"Can I buy you dinner?"
"What for?"
"To thank you properly."
"I uh, I don't think that is such a good idea." Horatio said.
"Because I was involved in your case?" Marisol asked.
"Yes."
"Well, it's only dinner. Just to thank you and give you a proper meal, because you look like you might need it." Marisol smiled.
Horatio nodded. They decided to meet the next day at eight. Horatio didn't know it yet, but Marisol would become one of his best friends in a short time. She would help him with his soul searching and with coming closer to Mac. Marisol would manage to open Horatio's soul in a way no woman had ever done before.
-I-
Mac looked at the body in the morgue. Trying to ignore the way Peyton was looking at him or "accidentally" touching him every so often. He kind of liked her as a colleague, but over the last few weeks she had become almost unbearable. Not only had it taken a long time for Mac to move on after his wife Claire's death, but the only person on his mind right now was a certain redhead in Miami. He couldn't even pretend to be interested in Peyton in the way she was interested in him. To him, she was just a colleague. He only hoped she would understand that soon, or he'd have a problem on his hands.
"She died of blunt force trauma to the head." Peyton said, "I put time of death fourteen hours ago."
"Nine hours before she was found." Mac said.
"She was beaten multiple times and the killer even tried to strangle her." Peyton said, "But one final blow with something very heavy, is what finally killed her."
"Someone really wanted Miss Walters dead." Mac said, "Thank you Peyton."
The medical examiner beamed as Mac left. Once he was out of the morgue and back in the lab he bumped into Danny, making the young man drop the files he was holding.
"Whoa, hi there boss." Danny said and picked up his files.
"Sorry Danny." Mac said, "I was too occupied to pay attention."
"Thinking of Peyton?" Danny smirked.
Mac rolled his eyes. It was apparent to everyone that the new girl had a crush, a big crush, on their boss. Mac didn't like it. Especially since he had showed her no signs of feeling the same way as her. He was becoming annoying with her constant flirting.
"Don't even start." Mac growled.
He opened the door to his office and Danny followed him inside.
"I know what is on your mind; Horatio Caine." Danny teased, "He call yet?"
"Yes, weeks ago and we've talked regularly since then."
"And?"
"And that is all you need to know." Mac said, "What is it with you guys? First Lindsay asked me if I had someone special on my mind this morning, then Sheldon asked if Horatio was coming to New York and now you."
"Sorry Mac, it's just that we all know how you feel about him and it's great that he's finally opening up to you." Danny said.
Mac hadn't told anyone in his team about his and Horatio's conversations. They had noticed themselves Mac's good mood and the few hints here and there that Horatio was talking to him.
"Well, I keep my private life to myself." Mac said, "Got anything on the case?"
Danny told Mac about his findings; the victim had been a hated secretary and had lots of enemies. Danny had heard several threatening messages on her answering machine and her colleagues were not afraid to tell her what they thought of her on the web either.
"The thing is; it doesn't match with the way her friends described her." Danny said, "Or even how she lived. She had photos of loved ones all over the walls, she sent Christmas and birthday cards to her whole family and close friends every year."
"Stella said her former co-workers from her old job, said she was quiet and never caused any trouble." Mac said.
"So why does it seem like the people at her job thinks she was a, for lack of a better word, bitch?" Danny asked, "I think something happened at her previous job that made her quit, and she decided not to let it happen again at her new job, so she created this alter ego."
"Instead she made more enemies than friends. " Mac said, "But it could all have been to keep people away and to be safe."
"I need to do some more digging around." Danny sighed.
"Do that and keep me posted."
Just after Danny had left his office Mac's phone rang. He smiled as he saw that the caller ID showed it was Horatio calling him.
"Taylor." Mac answered, "Are you serious?... I'll fly down as soon as I can."
Mac hung up the phone and growled. Henry Darius had escaped and killed four teenagers. It was time to fly to Miami again.
Please review!
For those that love Peyton I'm sorry to put her up as the bad girl in this story, but someone needs to be bad and I chose Peyton. Also, the New York victim's situation with work/friends in this chapter was taken from the CSI Miami episode "Getting Axed".
Editor's Note: I second the "review" thing...it makes us want to update, that much faster...have a good week, everyone. Alisa123