Observe the note in all its glory: Okay, Okay, Okay you can all put down the pitchforks, machetes, bazookas and… wait… is that… are those… voodoo dolls, really guys? Well I never! I'm here, yeah it took me close to two months (minus like, a day) but I am here, and I have a great excuse. Ya huh, it's truly brilliant and amazing, and far from lame. Yeop it's the worlds best excuse, it's… oh what do you lot care about the excuse I have really? How about I just appease you all with my longest chapter yet, sound good?

Disclaimer: If I owned iCarly it wouldn't have been a meatball that Freddie shot through Sam's legs... know what I'm sayin?

/

TEN:

...Maybe it's just because I didn't know you at all.

/

It's confounding how we come to know the people in our lives in stages. I'd never noticed it before, never had reason to I guess. Now it was glaringly obvious, no longer was Sam the bully, the co-host, the mutual friend of the girl I loved, the cause of my hormonal summer confusion; she was a stranger, a shell of the girl I once knew.

For ten years she'd been the thorn in my side and pain in my ass, making sure she got under my skin at every opportunity, almost like it was her supreme life duty handed down by a higher power or something. Now she acted as if I didn't exist, like she could walk right through me and not even think twice about it.

That wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't being subjected to her indifference on a daily basis; she was pretty much in my face all the time, classic Sam style. And as cruel, sadistic irony would have it she was still getting under my skin.

You really should have seen this coming. Dumbass.

Sam was smart, calculating, vindictive, and knew exactly what she was doing… and god damn it, it was working! Yeah, so the days of her pranks, name calling, and just general hostility towards me were non-existent now. I should be thrilled, elated, bouncing off the walls, but I wasn't… because none of that meant she wasn't still managing to royally piss me off.

In any other situation, with any other girl, with any other human being for that matter, I might be able to take this whole 'ignore Freddie' game like man and just ignore her right back, but Sam is about as subtle as a sledge hammer in everything she does. She was always at the dorm, couching, fondling the remote, eating all our food, ignoring the hell out of me, except of course for the occasional 'hey' and monosyllable grunt she managed. And just to top all that off she made sure I was around to hear all her clever little 'nick names' that were reserved for Justin now. They were as ridiculous as expected: 'Justine', 'Justin-case', 'Justin-time', 'This-Just-in'.

Irk didn't even begin to cover it.

The only relief I got was in my four other classes that didn't host Sam and on Sundays when she'd disappear, to where I had no idea; most likely hooking up with a bunch of junkies or bikers or sewer monkeys or perhaps all three. I'd really not given it much thought.

This was just another one of her immature little games I was sure of it; just another opportunity for her to bask in the thrill of my misfortune. There wasn't a chance in blue hell that she wasn't doing this on purpose, I refused to believe that. If she truly wanted to cut me out of her life she wouldn't have returned from Europe, right?

Right?

Carly had been of no help to me over the last two months, aside from the fact that we'd barely spoken, whenever we did there was little to no mention of Sam and a quick subject change when I mentioned her. So the reason behind Sam's abrupt return was still a mystery but I really didn't need the truth anyway, I knew why she was back; revenge. Simple as that, Sam never backs away from a fight, that was the only plausible reason and I was sticking with it.

I honestly don't know which version of Sam I hated more, or which stage of her toxic personality was worse, and that's not even the truly fucked up part. In some really sick twisted way I was missing the old Sam, the high spirited zany sixteen year old girl who would put me down and mock me mercilessly day after day… yeah, I was actually missing that.

You need help; professional help.

Coffee would have to suffice for now. I threw myself out of bed stumbled across the room and out the door. The morning called for a much stronger caffeine hit than instant could provide so I set up all the necessary things I needed for a coffee transfusion and leant against the wall resting my eyes. I was exhausted. After a few seconds of peace I heard a few muffled complaints followed by a thud coming from Justin's room before the door clicked and I opened my eyes.

There was Sam in nothing but jeans and a pink bra; her book bag, black shirt and red Converse in hand, hair in an infuriatingly fetching matted mess. My jaw dropped and I was momentarily stunned, never having seen Sam in just her bra before paralysed me with some weird combination of aroused fear... I'd never seen any girl in just her bra before, at least not live, right in front of my eyes.

I watched as she crept out of Justin's room, obviously trying to make use of her pointless invisible ninja training and not draw any attention to herself, closing the door as carefully as she could. Sam turned around and took one step before she noticed me still leaning against the wall eyeballing her. My jaw clenched shut as she took in my very shirtless appearance, her eyes lingered on my bare chest before she snapped them up to meet my own gaze.

Her face fell flat and she gave a tired smirk. "Freddie," she stated in that professional uncaring tone she'd picked up over the last two months.

My eyes narrowed as she made no attempt to cover herself up and casually walk across the room towards the door without an ounce of shame. She just had to throw that in my face didn't she? I bet she knew I'd be awake to witness her walk of shame or 'walk of fame' as she would no doubt call it. Whatever, the message was clear, I was the loser of the dorm, there always had to be one, and Justin was the stud. Well I'd pretty much already resigned to that fate so the joke was on her.

Yeah! Sam and her stupid hot pink bra with stupid tiny blue bows on the shoe string straps... and the way the colour contrasted with her pale skin, and the way the blue bows matched her eyes, and the way that freckle on her shoulder blade was... since when did Sam like pink anyway?

I was pissed off, more than pissed off, and coming to the end of my rapidly fraying rope. If she was going to pretend like I didn't exist then I was going to make things unbearable for her too... I was going to bate her until she snapped.

Good plan.

"Classy," I eventually spat, forcing her to stop dead in her tracks and turn around to face me slowly.

HA! Take that!

I gave her an evil smirk, knowing that she'd take the bait, as I waited for the inevitable scathing reply, but she just looked at me with bored eyes, "We were studying," she said calmly.

I scoffed, "If that's what you want to call it," I again spat at her as I poured my coffee, there was no way I believed that load of crap.

"Well we were," she retorted flatly.

"You don't study, so it's pretty obvious what was really going on."

She stared at me with a hopeless 'I give up' expression and shrugged, "Yeah I guess it is," she said so calmly she might as well be dead, before walking through the door and closing it with a timid click, and not her signature 'Sam Slam' like I expected.

I blinked a couple of times to make sure I was awake. Then an odd sense of finality washed over me when I realised this was in fact reality. So this was really it then, Sam was truly just done with me? After a performance like that I should be without a few fingers, or an arm, be bleeding from the head, or at least have a few bruises to show for it. I had nothing.

I don't know how long I stared at the back of the door, could have been seconds, could have been minutes, could have been an hour; time seemed to stand still while my brain tried to refute the obvious.

I was almost literally knocked out of my daze when Justin tore out of his room in a panic.

"Shit I am so late," he shouted.

"For?"

"My flight," he replied out of breath as he threw things around the room in search of something. "You know, Thanksgiving with my mental family," he continued.

I shook my head to clear it, "Oh yeah, right. Thanksgiving. Slipped my mind." As stupid as it sounds, I'd somehow managed to completely forget about Thanksgiving all of ten minutes ago while I was busy being pissed at a half naked Sam as she left the dorm.

Damn it.

"UGH! Where the fuck is my wallet?" Justin bellowed as he threw cushion after cushion around the room. The guy was as disorganised as… well as disorganised as Sam.

I watched him for a few minutes as he grew more and more frustrated. I could have helped but apparently I was a little pissed at him. Okay more than a little pissed. I needed answers, and I was sick of tip-toeing around the subject.

"So I assume Sam will be joining you and your family this year?" I blurted.

"Huh?" He asked in some kind of weird panicked confusion.

"Sam, she'll be going with you to San Francisco right?" I pushed hoping he'd sense the tone. Trying to have a serious conversation with Justin at any time was taxing, why I had to pick this moment when he was clearly distracted was beyond me.

"Why the hell would you assume that?" Justin asked, almost incredulous, never giving up in the desperate search for his wallet.

"Well it's just... I mean you guy's... she's always..." I was stuttering and gesturing stupidly with my arms, annoyed that he was going to make me spell it out to him, "She just came out of your room half dressed at 6.30 in the morning," I finished, more annoyed than I would have liked.

Justin paused for a second as he removed his wallet from its location inside the cushion cover, a look of amused curiosity playing on his face. "Yeah well we were up pretty much all night working on her web design assignment," He answered casually, placing his wallet in his back pocket and walking over to me, "And then she whipped out a bottle of..."

"Web design?" I cut him off.

"Yupp."

"And she asked for your help?"

"Yeah, she really wants to get an A so she ask..."

"Sam wants to get an A?" I cut him off again, growing more confused.

"That's what I said," He verified.

I could feel my perfectly crafted veil of composure starting to crumble. Yeah, Sam was irritating the shit out of me with her blasé nonchalance but I didn't want anyone else to know that. For anyone else to know that I was weak and pathetic and being mentally mind fucked by a 120 pound tormenting genius, cleverly disguised as a harmless teenage girl.

Sam's never cared about grades in her entire life, and she'd certainly never wanted to get an A before, what the hell had changed… what exactly had I been missing?

"So, she asked for your help, then she comes out of your room half naked looking like she'd been on her back all night, and now you're telling me she wants to get an A?" I had to stop myself from shouting the question at him, even if it was rhetorical. It felt like my brain was melting inside my skull, oozing down my spinal cord, this was all far too much to comprehend in one morning.

There were a few seconds of silence as I paced around in a slow circle staring into thin air.

"Why does it feel like I'm being interrogated here?" He asked, voice thick with concern. I couldn't tell if it was concern for my well being or his safety, at this point it was anyone's guess.

"Huh?" I mumbled, finally looking up to see him giving me a 'what the fuck' expression.

"Seriously, get out the interrogation lamp why don't ya?" He joked, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

Justin already thought I was more than just a bit strange and hadn't asked for a new roommate yet, so I wasn't really losing any high opinion points with my schizophrenic behaviour. If it were anyone else I'd have been sent packing by now for sure. I gave him a light chuckle and decided to continue with my questioning, he was the only one who could give me any answers and I was desperate for some.

"So I guess this means you two are…" I trailed off, my tone finishing the question for me.

"Are what?"

I sighed in frustration, "How are you not getting this?"

"I have no idea wh…" He stopped, a look of intense shock hitting his face as he realised what I was asking, "Oh! You thought I was sleeping with her?"

I paused for a second, unsure of how exactly to answer that question. "Well yeah, what else am I supposed to think?" I finally said.

"Dude we're just friends," he laughed casually.

I had no reason to doubt his words, and despite the bizarre instant relief I felt that small hint of disbelief I had still managed to surface. "Seriously?" I asked.

"Could not be more cereal," he sang with a nod and gave me a reassuring smirk. "She just needs a friend right even if I was interested."

"And she told you this?"

Justin looked at me sincerely, "She didn't have to."

Was there some kind of hidden message in there I was supposed to pick up on? I didn't have time to question him before he was swinging his backpack over his shoulder heading for the door.

"Listen I gotta go before my mom has a stroke, I told her I'd call her when I got to the airport which was supposed to be a half hour ago," He said, looking at his watch. "Happy Thanksgiving, man."

"Yeah, you too," I muttered, sure that he wouldn't have heard me over the sound of the door slamming.

I sat with my coffee at my desk trying to decompress the morning I had. I suppose a double shot espresso followed by a latte wasn't really the best idea, it wasn't even seven o'clock yet and my mind was racing. Racing with images of half naked Sam leaving Justin's room, racing with the idea that she wasn't in fact sleeping with him, and racing with the thought of Thanksgiving. I needed to start getting ready to head over to Spencer's but I just sat there, idly wondering if Sam would be making an appearance this year.

Carly couldn't make it out of London to join us this year, plus Sam had her own life now, that was undeniable. Surely she wouldn't want to spend her Thanksgiving in a place that held so many, now very distant, happy memories... surely she wouldn't want to spend it living in the past.

Would she?

Arriving at Spencer's I took a moment to compose myself, forcing a fake sense of calm to the surface. If I entered looking like I felt there would be questions, ones I didn't want to answer. All I wanted was to enjoy this holiday as best I could.

I took a deep breath and knocked twice on the door. I barely had to wait ten seconds before it flew open.

I'd heard nothing but glowing reports of Spencer's new live in girlfriend Michelle for the last three months, he was about as excited as a jackhammer over this girl. I knew it was her instantly and the physical description he gave me of long wavy dark hair and intense hazel green eyes confirmed it, not to mention the happiness and optimism that bounced right off her. I immediately saw Spencer's appeal; she was gorgeous and her natural happy aura was intoxicating.

"Freddie!" She beamed, "So nice to finally put a face to all the stories, come on in."

"Michelle, right?" I questioned as I entered the familiar apartment.

"That's me," she replied joyfully.

"Freddie, you made it!" Spencer announced animatedly from the kitchen, waving a sharp knife at me.

He was donned with a large white chef's hat and matching apron. In front of him were several bowls filled with all different varieties and colours of candy, and in the middle, the turkey. My mind immediately went back a few years to when Spencer had mentioned his idea of combining thanksgiving dinner with thanksgiving desert.

My stomach made some very weird, very audible sound, "Hey, Spencer," I gulped and turned to Michelle hesitantly, "He's not doing what I think he's doing is he?" I whispered.

She put her arm around my shoulder and turned me away from the kitchen, "I'm letting him have his fun, but there's a turkey cooking over at your mom's place," she whispered back to me with a wink.

I smiled.

"Let me introduce you," She said as she dragged me over to behind the sofa. On the floor sat a small strawberry blonde girl, Michelle's daughter obviously, she was deeply immersed in a book and unaware of anything going on around her.

"Abby this is Freddie," she stopped for a response, "Abby?" She asked a little firmly, "Abby!"

"Yeah?" Abby replied slowly, never looking up from her book.

"This is Freddie, won't you say hello?"

"Hello Freddie," she said in that way all six year old girls do, still never removing her eyes from the book in her lap.

I smiled at her carefree demeanour. "Nice to meet you." She hummed in acknowledgement, and I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle.

Michelle laughed with me and then continued, "So that was Abby, and Ty is..." She trailed off looking around the room, "Abby where's Ty?"

Abby let out a small sigh, "He's upstairs with his giiiiiiiiiiirlfriend," she teased.

"Oh, right of course," She laughed at her forgetfulness, "He must be watching a movie with Sam. I guess you'll meet him later."

My bad mood returned instantly. I guess I should have expected her to be here, but that wishful thinking feature of mine has no off switch.

"Sam's here?" I asked, trying to keep the apprehension out of my voice.

"Of course! She's been such a great friend for Ty," She said with a smile, but I could see some kind of anguish behind her eyes. Immediately Spencer moved into the living room placing a comforting arm over Michelle's shoulder.

Spencer had given me some background info on Michelle and her kids about a week ago, and warned me that there were definitely some high emotions. Spencer met Michelle's son Ty, four months ago after he'd run away for about the third time. He was in desperate need of a strong male role model since his father, Michelle's husband, had died fighting in Afghanistan three years ago, right on Ty's 7th birthday, and Ty wasn't coping too well. Spencer, being the greatest man child alive, took to him immediately, and finding his mom was a total hottie was just, "a super sweet bonus", Spencer claimed.

"I just figured she'd be able to help the kids with the transition a bit better," he said with a wink.

And with that wink I made the obvious connection. Sam shared the similar horrific experience of losing her father at a young age, she wouldn't have hesitated in helping the kids out, not even for a second.

So she's not dead inside.

Once again I was in awe of Spencer and his ability to be a mature level headed adult when a tough situation presented itself. He obviously knew about Sam's dad and would have dropped a few subtle hints here and there, making sure she was the one to come up with the idea of befriending Michelle's son and not himself. For a dude with such an off centre personality and so many stupid and completely reckless ideas, he really did have his shit together. I envied him.

I sat in the living room, partaking in my mandatory social duties, a quick get to know you with Michelle, a tad of reminiscing with Spencer. I was surprised to hear just how much Michelle knew about me actually, things that Spencer couldn't possibly know and things that wouldn't have come from Sam, she had to have been speaking with Carly.

I sat there for as long as I could take it, until curiosity got the better of me and I excused myself, making my way up the familiar stairs.

I made it to the third level and I stood outside the studio for a few minutes; a thousand now seemingly tainted memories rushing through my mind like feral waves. How I even opened the door I'll never know, it closed with a click and I held my breath.

There Sam sat in her usual haphazard beanbag lounging way, Ty in the yellow one next to her. She looked up at me from her beanbag in surprise, her face instantly dropping into a look of pure boredom, one that she had mastered to all new levels over the last two months, as she acknowledged my presence.

Ty spun around with an annoyed expression on his face sizing me up with his eyes. "Who are you?" He shot.

"I'm Freddie, a friend of…" I trailed off looking over at Sam and then back to Ty, I wasn't sure who's friend I was anymore, "Um, Spencer's," I finally said burying my hands in my pockets, "You must be Ty."

"That's my name, don't wear it out."

Typical ten year old.

"Well it's nice to meet you," I said, trying to keep my voice light.

"Yeah, yeah either sit down, shut up and watch the movie or get out," he said, waving an annoyed arm at me.

"Charming," I mumbled.

"Shhhhhhh!" Ty pointed to the screen, "Movie."

I rolled my eyes and took a few steps towards them, it was then that I realised the room's only vacant beanbag was immediately to Sam's left. My stomach churned a little and my feet felt as if they were glued to the ground.

What the hell am I even doing up here?

I couldn't back out now, how would it look if I just turned around and went back downstairs to where the air was light, only to feel just as uneasy? I'd look insane and I'd look like a coward with my tail between my legs. So drawing all the conviction my body could muster I did my best impression of a casual walk towards the beanbag. I gave it a little kick to the left in an attempt to give myself some more breathing room, but when I plopped down onto my stomach I still felt more than suffocated. Less than a minute later I was all but shocked to find a bowl of popcorn shoved underneath my nose, I dumbly shook my head because it was all I could really manage and Sam just pulled it back to her lap, never having taken her eyes off the screen.

The room was dark, except of course from the flashing lights coming from the television. She just had to look so... appealing... so... alluring sitting there in the dim light didn't she? The way the flashing lights from the movie made her hair seem more golden than blonde, and the way the light danced across her face, she looked almost majestic. I desperately tried to readjust but no matter how much I moved I still caught her, all of her, in my peripheral.

Terrific.

"So, what are we watching?" I exclaimed, probably a little too enthusiastic. I was trying to keep myself preoccupied.

"The Goonies... duuuh," Ty heckled.

"Oh," I breathed, with a small nod.

I instantly looked over at Sam, she hadn't moved an inch, eyes till riveted to the television. I waited for some kind of reaction from her, the weight this particular movie now held for the both of us couldn't be ignored. But she didn't move, I don't think she even blinked. She grabbed a hand full of popcorn and shoved it in her mouth as casually and, at the same time, as ferociously as she ever has.

"You seen it before?" Ty asked, snapping me out of my bemusement.

I blinked a few times and then realised I needed to respond, "No ahh actually I-I haven't," I stuttered returning my eyes to the movie.

"Sucks to be you then," he laughed, and I ignored him.

Silence. Despite the noise emitting from the television to me it felt muted, dull, lifeless.

The tension was suffocating, and the worst part, I couldn't even tell if she was as uncomfortable as I was. Uncomfortable situations are always better when you're not alone, being the only one feeling like you're walking on broken glass makes you even more anxious, I should know.

I'd never been great at assessing Sam's moods but I was definitely better than this, at least at one point in time anyway. She seemed so completely unfazed, so casual, but I knew the real Sam was in there somewhere, I just had to provoke her enough until she cracked.

"Ugh, I need more popcorn," Sam groaned, letting her head fall to the back of the beanbag.

There wasn't a moment of hesitation before Ty flew out of his seat, grabbed the bowl and shouted, "I'll get it for you!"

"Thanks kid, want me to pause?"

"Nah it's cool, I'll be back," he hummed at her and was out the door.

Now was my chance, Ty would be gone for a solid three minutes, if not more.

Plenty of time.

I swallowed thickly, trying to reduce the amount of uncomfortable air that was swirling all around me, it was futile but it helped. Or at least I thought it would.

"Justin tells me you're designing a web page," I blurted. If my sudden words startled her she didn't show it, still never moving an inch.

"Yep," She added, popping the p.

"And apparently you really want to get an A," I said bitterly.

"Uh-huh."

I wasn't getting any kind of reaction from her, that annoyed me. "Doesn't seem like you to wanna do well in class. Its never been a priority for you before," I added sarcastically.

"Didn't know I had to fit into some 'Freddie approved' Sam mould," She said, using sarcastic air quotes around the words Freddie approved. "I'll keep that in mind," She finished flatly.

"You don't, that's… that's not what I meant," I conceded.

Sam took a deep breath and sighed, "Okay."

I looked at her with wide eyes, my face now burning with pure annoyance. "Okay? That's it?" I paused, "Just okay?" I yelled uncontrollably.

She shrugged finally looking at me for the first time since I'd entered the room, "What?"

I shifted in the beanbag so I was now facing her at eye level. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Acting like a fucking robot?"

"I am not acting like anything. I am calmly watching the movie," She retorted slowly, turning to face the television once again.

What exactly was I trying to accomplish here? When I really thought about it, what the hell was I doing? I'd been wishing for the day that Sam would stop with her physical and verbal abuse and here it was, dangling in my face like a carrot but I wasn't eating it. If anything I'd ripped the carrot off the string, spat it out, kicked it back into the dirt where it belonged and walked away.

Is there a treatment for masochistic behaviour? Because apparently, I'm a stage 5 terminal patient.

I brought back the bitter tone with brutality, "Didn't peg you as the babysitting type."

"Didn't know I had a type," She said with an unenthusiastic shrug.

"You hate kids, so why these kids?" I asked, adding a suggestive tone to my voice.

"It's a favour for Spencer," Sam responded dully.

"A favour?"

"Yeah."

I searched her face for answers but she wouldn't look at me. She wasn't giving me anything, not a thing. She was just sitting there, blankly looking at the screen.

"No other reason?" I hedged.

Come on Sam, give me something.

She pursed her lips and set her cold blue eyes on me, "Should there be?"

Her face just sort of hung there for a second with a jaded kind of look to it, before she recovered and looked back towards the screen.

She knew exactly what I meant, and I felt it too. It didn't matter how hard I tried not to, I did. It was that same feeling I got when the subject of her father had last come between us. Only this time she wasn't telling me to stop, so I could do it. I could bring up the obvious similarities that she and Ty shared. I could dredge it all up again, everything about her father, and tell her that I knew why she had agreed to this.

I could do it, and I honestly think I felt horrible about that.

"What?" Sam rebuked, jerking her head back to look at me after a minute.

Okay so maybe I had been staring, but it had been completely subconscious while I tried to remind myself why I thought this was a good idea in the first place.

"Nothing," I muttered.

I was almost certain that she would scoff or maybe even roll her eyes and turn back to the movie, but she didn't. She just kept looking back at me, and it took me a minute or so to realise that I had every opportunity to do one of those things myself, to look away, to scoff, to even leave the room, but I didn't.

Everything just kind of slipped away and faded into the background, the walls, the piercing silence, and I felt fifteen again... out on that fire escape staring into the same set of vulnerable blue eyes that I was now.

So what was I going to do? Kiss her? I could, it would be possible to do that again, and it would be just as easy as the first time, just as simple to close that space between us and forget everything. Forget all the words and walls between us, and the things I was never supposed to know. But a kiss doesn't erase anything and it shouldn't be like this, I shouldn't even be thinking of it like this.

I should be looking away, I should be heading down those stairs and never looking back because it hurt too much like this. I really wish I knew what I was trying to tell her, and even more, I wish I knew what she was trying to tell me.

The need for me to do something or say something was almost visible, and I think I cracked under the pressure. I thought about everything, about the fight at my apartment, the fight at the party, the month she'd been in Europe and how I wondered if she was dead, and of course the last two months that she'd spent treating me like I was dead to her. All of it surfaced, everything... all the animosity I held towards Sam surfaced and spilled out of me.

"You know it's funny that you even agreed to an 'arrangement' like this," I was staring at her boastfully now.

"Funny how?"

The adrenaline was pumping through my veins, making my breathing and heartbeat erratic. "Funny because three months ago the idea of someone looking out for another person was a crime to you."

Her eyes flashed with what seemed like suppressed anger, and I think I saw her physically soothe that anger before she responded. "Well," She turned her face back to the screen, and for a moment the room went darker as the movie changed scenes, "Unlike some people I'm not doing it just to get into somebody's pants."

And there it was, that chip I'd been hacking at all day, the one I'd been hoping to find for the last two months. Her indifference was finally dissolving.

"You're really going to throw that in my face?" I asked, getting up out of the beanbag in the hopes of creating more confidence for myself, and maybe even gaining some power over her.

But I was stupid to think that Sam wouldn't do the same and just remain seated so that I could tear pieces off her, Sam loved a challenge. The second she stood up to face me the air in the room became icy, forcing a cold shudder down my spine.

"You're the one that brought it up," She snapped raising her voice.

"Yeah, to see if I could get some kind of normal reaction from you!" I shouted.

"Why are you so desperate for me to be reacting a certain way?"

"I'm not; I just want to know why... why you're acting like this!"

The words left my mouth and swirled in the air, bounced back and reverberated in my ears... and I knew. At that very moment, I knew. I'd probably known all along but I was just too damn proud to admit it. I had broken her.

Me.

This was all my fault, all of it, and I really needed to hear her say it. I needed to hear her tell me how much of a jerk I was and how I'd ruined everything. I needed her to get so angry that she would scream at the top of her lungs right in my face just how much she hated me; because anything, even pure hatred was better than this, better than this cold, blank, nothing she felt towards me.

"Why do you even care?"

I took a step closer to her and steadied my voice, "Because I know you, and I know that this isn't you."

She swallowed audibly, taking in my words and she was silent for a minute, the longest fucking minute of my life it felt like. "You don't know a damn thing about me, so stop pretending like you do," She spat, menacingly.

I tried to object but nothing came out, instead I took a step back and buried my hands deep in my pockets, shocked to realise that what she had said caused me physical pain. The sound of Ty bursting through the studio door jarred us both and we took another step away from each other.

"Spencer said that dinner was almost ready and I couldn't have more popcorn, I made some anyway," He announced, full of pride.

"I gotta go," Sam choked out, rushing for the door. I tried to chase after her but Ty stood between me and the doorway giving me a look that I was sure could melt stone.

"What did you say to her?"

"Me? Nothing," I defended, somewhat pathetically.

"Well she was fine before you showed up!" He shouted, pointing a hateful finger at me.

Story of my life.

I pushed past him and ran down the stairs, no real plan of any kind, just pure desperation. I stopped abruptly at the second platform when I saw Michelle having what looked like a sincere word with Sam while she put on her jacket ready to escape through the door.

My respectful behaviour function kicked in and I decided not to interrupt, instead I hid behind the wall and stretched my ears so I could hear what they were saying. Okay, so maybe I wasn't being that respectful at all, but I really couldn't care less at this point.

"You're going to Dale's aren't you?" Michelle asked.

What? Dale... seriously?

Sam didn't give a response, she didn't have to, it was obvious.

Michelle nodded, "Well you know how I feel about that, so I won't lecture you again," She said with a disapproving yet sympathetic smirk. "Spencer will be crushed you're not staying for dinner, you know?"

"He already knows I didn't plan on eating here," Sam replied softly.

"What about…" she trailed off suspiciously, "You know, the ahh... the situation?"

Sam simply gave Michelle a hopeless look and bit her lip. I felt sick.

"You know you can't keep this game up forever," Michelle offered, placing both hands on Sam's shoulders.

Sam let out a heavy sigh laced with defeat. "I gotta go," she finally said.

I took that as the perfect moment and finished my way down the stairs, as fast and as equally casual as I could. I moved closer to her but stopped about three feet away, all of a sudden unsure of what to do with my hands, my feet, even my face. I kind of just ended up blinking at her. I knew I needed to say something; just a small attempt to make things right; to try and ease some of the pain that I'd caused. I opened my mouth to say something, but once again I was interrupted by Ty barrelling down the stairs. He flew right past me and over to Sam.

"Wait, you're leaving?" He shouted.

She smiled at him, "Yeah sorry kid, I gotta be somewhere."

"Oh," He said, disappointed. "Can I ask you something first?"

"Sure thing."

He looked down at his shoes and shuffled his feet, "You're really pretty for a girl, you know that?"

My attention had started to wander and I'd taken a step back, it kind of stopped then... with Ty's comment. Was it so odd for other people to find Sam attractive, even if it was a ten year old boy?

"Oh yeah?" Sam glanced up at me for the briefest second, "Well you're not so bad yourself." She actually sounded sincere, ruffling his hair up a bit.

"So I was wondering," He trailed off, looking even more sheepish than before, "Would, ahh, would you want to go on a date... with me?"

For a long second I tried to process the almost hostile feeling that overcame me. Why the hell was I suddenly threatened by a ten year old boy?

"Oh," Sam paused, obviously trying to figure out how to let him down easy, "Wow, that's um... that's really sweet Ty but... I'm kind of already dating someone," She finished.

"Oh."

Oh?

I shifted my feet a little, trying my best not to look uncomfortable just standing there. It wasn't out of the realms of possibility for Sam to be dating someone, however it wasn't a notion I'd entertained over the last two months, of all the things I thought Sam was doing with her life, dating wasn't one of them. Maybe that's why my hostility levels were in overdrive.

Ty lowered his head in what I can only imagine was embarrassment and a severe disappointment; Sam bent down to meet him eye level. "But hey, I'll be back every Sunday like normal I promise. Maybe next week we can play Mario Kart, whatdya say?"

With a huge smile plastered on his face Ty nodded, "Okay."

"Gimmie a hug then," Sam mirrored his smile and pulled him in for a hug. "I'll see you in a few days," she gave a slight wave and was gone.

So that's what she had been doing with her Sunday's, every Sunday for the last two months... every Sunday when I was happy to see the back of her because it meant twenty-four solid hours of peace. She was spending her time here, with Ty. No junkies, no bikers, no sewer monkeys, just her and Ty. She was mentoring a ten year old, helping him deal with the death of his father, just like she had to... and probably with no help from anyone.

The feeling of disillusionment was unmistakable. She was right; I didn't know her, maybe I never did.

/

A/N: I really didn't plan on my Thanksgiving chapter to be so close to actual Thanksgiving, this update was supposed to be ready weeks ago. I really am sorry for the long ass wait. However, I don't wanna give you guys any empty promises and tell you that the next chapter will be up sooner than this one was because honestly I just don't know. But what I can promise you is that this story will NOT go unfinished. I have every chapter planned out and an end in sight, so you have my word on that. And besides, I owe it to this fandom and all of it's loyal followers to make good on my promises, unlike Dan has. I won't go into my iStart a Fan War rant here because it would be longer than this chapter... and this sucker is already almost 7k words!

[BETA'd by iCarlyAngst]

Bitches love pimps: Special thanks to these folk who kept me in check and were a big help in getting this chapter done; The Earl of Sandwich, pigwiz, KingxLeon21, Pieequals36, and Tech-Man.

Chapter title comes from the song 'Last Goodbye' by Jeff Buckley