After a moment of static, the smug voice of the Riddler emerged from the green cassette player taped to the hood of the Batmobile.
"Good evening, Batman," the Riddler said, "I, the Riddler, the greatest criminal in all of Gotham, have a riddle for you: What is black and white and red all over?"
"A zebra with a bloody nose?" Robin said.
"No guesses, Dark Knight? The answer is the first branch of Gotham National Bank after the bomb I left in the vault levels everything in a city block."
"Holy shit, that's on the other side of the city."
"Yes, Caped Crusader, the bank all the way on the other side of the city. And one more riddle for you before you go: How much time till the bomb goes off?"
"...Twenty minutes?" Robin said tenatively.
"Two minutes and forty-five seconds. Fourty-four. Forty-three."
The tape ended in maniacal laughter.
Batman scowled and narrowed his eyes so hard that the lenses in his cowl narrowed too. He and Robin leapt into the seats of the Batmobile. Batman slammed his foot onto the accelerator and the vehicle roared through the night.
"We'll never make it to the other side of Gotham in two and a half minutes," Robin said.
Batman flipped up a panel on the dashboard and broke the small pane of black glass beneath it, revealing a shiny red button.
"What the hell is that?" Robin asked, "You never told me about that button."
Batman placed his forefinger on top of the shiny red button.
"Wait, please let me out first. Letmeoutfirstletmeoutfirstle tmeoutfirstletmeoutfirstletm eoutfirst!"
Batman pressed the shiny red button.
Deep inside the Batmobile's engine, a small nuclear reaction initiated in a hardened chamber containing a lock of Charles Manson's hair, a Barbie doll and a slice of pumpkin pie. The chain reaction tore a portal through the walls of reality and opened up into the bowels of Hell itself. A tail of brimstone twenty feet long shot out of the Batmobile's exhaust and melted every car and building on the street and turned a mugger into a goat, which bleated once in confusion before being carried off by a peregrine falcon. The Batmobile hit a pothole at 5,000 miles an hour and launched into the sky, flipping end over end.
Robin screamed.
The Batmobile rocketed into the sky and shot straight out of Earth's atmosphere, taking a small chunk out of the moon as it raced past. After a few long minutes the Batmobile reached the sun, and Batman had to close the blast shields over the windshield to block out the light.
"We're too late," Robin said, "By now the bomb has already gone off."
Batman said nothing. The sun's gravity took hold of the Batmobile and slingshot it in a tight orbit that made it go even faster.
Batman pressed the shiny red button a second time.
Robin screamed.
This time the Batmobile went so fast that it tore a hole in the fabric of spacetime, and a few seconds later it landed with a roar and a shower of brimstone in the same alley they had just left. Twenty minutes earlier, while the Riddler was still taping the cassette player to the hood of the Batmobile.
"What," said the Riddler.
Batman punched him in the face. Then he brushed some grit and brimstone off the hood of the past Batmobile, hopped into the driver's seat of the future Batmobile, and drove around the corner. He and Robin waited for a few mintues with the Riddler unconscious in the trunk and watched the past Batmobile fly out of the alley.
"What about the bomb?" Robin asked tenatively.
An explosion rocked the city.
Batman glared at it.
The explosion folded back in on itself. The people in the affected area cam back to life and sneezed at the same time. They had a good laugh about it. The security guards in the bank got a good deep tan, and all in all everybody had quite a good time being exploded.
"What," said Robin.
"I'm Batman," said Batman.