So, I thought I would attempt a lighter scene to move things along. I giggled while writing, and I rarely giggle at my own writing, so I hope everyone enjoys themselves.
Enjoy, my doves, and please excuse my struggle with comedic writing. It's a relatively new concept for me.
Songs: I was all over the place for this chapter, but I think I listened to Highway to Hell by AC/DC the most.
Regina's eyes flew open immediately, but the rest of her body remained perfectly still. In the dull light of dawn, she barely recognized the features of the room in which she'd fallen asleep. A warm weight pressed into her side. A hand flexed and released on her waist atop the silk pajamas, probably what woke her. She craned her neck to the side to find the tickle against her face to be unruly golden hair and the slight whimper in her ear to be a fearful sound caused by whatever dream currently possessed Emma Swan's mind.
Apparently, sleep called her to its blissful clutches while she lay in Emma's bed. Though it hadn't been her intention, her pet never asked her to leave. The lack of aggression felt like progress to the uncertain woman. At some point, Emma's sleeping body took her presence as permission to wrap itself around her. Escape seemed impossible without waking the already restless woman half atop her.
Regina swallowed repeatedly and pulled deep breaths through her nostrils. Panic swelled and crashed in her chest, knotting her stomach and thrashing her heart furiously. She didn't cuddle. No one held her but Cora because Cora was the only person who had never abandoned her. She'd never ordered her mother to remain at her side, but the woman had never abandoned her. Emma ran at the first chance she had, Regina sensed it, which made each touch excruciating.
"Regina?" A gravelly voice vibrated against her chest, startling the royal from her dreaded musings.
"Yes?" She croaked around the strain of adrenaline on her vocal cords.
"Crap," Emma blurted and jerked suddenly from The Queen. "I think I drooled on you."
Regina shivered, missing the warmth immediately. Dark eyes fluttered with the flood of emotions crashing into her. In two day's time, this impudent stranger who bucked against her every wish wormed her way inside the impossibly high walls she'd constructed around her heart. She wanted her to rip them down. She could have, in that moment. She could have allowed Emma inside.
Love is weakness. Her mother's voice rattled inside her brain. "Perhaps you should refrain form molesting people in your sleep," she snapped and swung her feet over the side of the bed as she sat up.
"Regina, I'm sorry," Emma apologized quickly. "I'm a cuddler, so I probably should have warned you. Had a super awkward plane ride one time where I totally wrapped my hand around this guy's…"
"I don't care, Miss Swan," Regina barked, cutting off Emma's early morning babble. "It was inappropriate, and I suggest you thwart such advances in future if you wish to keep your hands," Regina threatened as she stood and glared down at her pet.
"Geez, Regina, I said I'm sorry. What's your problem? I don't control what my body does while I'm asleep," Emma protested, thrown by the whiplash of the morning. Regina hadn't seemed unreceptive to her touch the previous night at dinner or a few moments ago before she'd spoken. Emma had been awake several minutes before alerting Regina to the fact, and only then because The Queen's erratic breathing freaked her out, made her worry that Regina slipped into one of the horrid night terrors that Astrid spoke of.
"Learn," Regina commanded irrationally and stomped towards the door that separated their rooms.
Emma flinched at the echoing slam and stared at the abused door. Her body collapsed back to the bed, and she snuggled into the warm indentation their combined heat created. Despite the abrupt awakening that morning and the extremely early night, her body demanded more sleep and her mind shut down, too exhausted to deal with Regina's hissy fit at the moment. Her heart tugged at her to check on the other woman, but one by one, the lights flipped off in her mind until her eyelids refused to blink one more time. She hadn't asked Regina to stay the previous night, after all.
Let her deal with her own demons for one more morning.
When she awoke again, a horrific screeching kick-started her heart with an overdose of adrenaline. She sprang from the bed with cat-like reflexes and searched instinctively for the intrusion. Light from the sun blinded her through the windows, and she shook her head to clear the spots and morning blur. She really needed a pair of glasses or a contact kit before her contacts fused to her corneas.
Her hands trembled violently in the fists held in front of her body. Two strange men stood in her room, blinking at her mangled chest barely covered with the hideous bright orange camisole and the matching boy shorts that bared her legs to the world. They seemed no threatening enough. Plus, she was safe in The Queen's home. Arms crossed, she glared at the men.
"What the hell are you doing in my room?" She demanded, her voice gravelly and far more commanding than she felt in her unexpected exposure.
"Following Queen's orders, Ma'am," one answered and turned back to the wall where he finished mounting some sort of track for hanging something. Emma covered her ears at the echoing screech that followed.
Following her anger, Emma stomped towards the door that connected her room to Regina's. She barged in without knocking, but the dramatic entrance fell flat when she found the room unoccupied. More screeching down the hall drew her attention, and Emma ripped open Regina's door and charge onto the balcony. A labyrinth of materials cluttered the path between her and The Queen only two doors down.
"Regina!" She whispered harshly and picked her way through the mess. "Why the hell does it sound like there's a lawn mower having an orgasm in my room?"
Regina quirked an eyebrow at the description and then turned back to the room with a hand tucked elegantly beneath her chin. The royal purple silk shirt stretched tightly against her shoulder blades with the movement. Emma threw her hands in the air in frustration. Never before had she met such a hot and cold, kind and then vicious being her entire life. At least her Regina had been consistently mean and then semi-consistently tolerant if not nice.
"You should dress, Dear," Regina tossed over her shoulder casually. "You have time for a shower if you wish to remove your Rocky the Rascally Raccoon Clown costume."
"Regina!" Emma yelled. All of the noised stopped abruptly as people stared at the woman bold enough to raise her voice to The Queen. "Time before what?"
"I told you yesterday that I'd accompany you to the shops to collect anything you may need. I intend to uphold my vocal contract. This project will take a bit longer, so there is time," Regina explained with a wave of her hand, seemingly unperturbed by her pet's outburst. The flurry of work resumed.
Regina turned on the toe of her stiletto and trekked towards her room. She beckoned Emma with one thin finger over her shoulder, and The Savior huffed an irritated sigh but followed. The moment Regina's door closed, she wished that she'd stubbornly remained on the balcony. Magic flashed and crackled, slamming her against the door and sewing her mouth shut with an electric tingle.
"I ought to rip out your vocal cords," Regina threatened coldly. She pursed her lips, scar standing out starkly in the gesture. "I had thought preparing a room for your son's arrival and having a flat screen television hung on your wall an appropriate apology for my unwarranted outburst this morning. Apparently, nothing will satisfy you."
Emma stopped struggling against the magic restraints and nearly fell flat on her face when Regina released her. "Why don't you just say that you're sorry?" She asked cautiously, very aware of the shit storm she could have stirred up.
"I…" Regina stuttered, utterly taken aback by the simple question. "Wouldn't you rather the gifts?"
Emma almost laughed but somehow stuffed it down the moment she realized that Regina was deathly serious. The question presented as a joke to her, but to The Queen, it presented a serious search for knowledge.
"All of that stuff out there is really for Henry?" Emma asked quietly. Tears burned the back of her throat, and she swallowed audibly.
"Save the television. I thought it inappropriate for a child's room," Regina said and fidgeted, hands clasped tightly in front of her.
"That's… Regina, you don't have to do that." Emma suddenly felt burdensome to the already weighted royal. Even in this reality, Regina wanted to spoil their son.
"Fine," Regina bit, covering the hurt dancing in her eyes with anger. "I'll have it returned." She charged towards the door, and Emma inserted herself between the woman and her escape and braced for the inevitable slap or magic removal or death threats or a combination of all three.
"Regina, wait, that's not what I meant," Emma started, and Regina stilled for a moment. "What I meant was that you shouldn't feel obligated to buy me or Henry all this stuff because you lost your temper. I'm not really sure why you lost your temper, but hey, I'm not exactly Ellen Degeneres in the morning, either, so it's no big deal."
Emma scratched the back of her neck. The entire situation felt silly now that she'd dug to the bottom of it. Regina couldn't apologize verbally, so she reverted to something familiar. She threw gifts at her in order to appease her without making any emotional contact, probably a tactic Cora used a thousand and one times.
"Sorry I drooled on you," she blurted into the awkward silence.
Regina cleared her throat and clasped her hands in front of her hips. "I've been stained by much more disgusting viscous substances."
Emma grinned, and Regina almost returned the expression. "Do I really look like a clown raccoon?"
"We must purchase you clothing that does not glow in the dark," Regina decided and flicked her eyes over the ridiculous orange outfit she donned.
"Agreed. Let me go get ready." Her nose wrinkled as she took in exactly how awful the color washed out her already pale skin.
"Please do," Regina taunted playfully. Emma's brow furrowed. This woman's moods cycled faster than a damn blender. She pushed her luck and prayed not to be pureed.
"Regina, can I ask you something?"
"You're a regular Rose Nylund," Regina huffed, clearly in a horrible mood once more.
"You watch The Golden Girls?" Emma blurted, shocked.
"I don't sleep much, and it plays for several hours at night. Is that your question?" Regina asked.
"No. I mean, it was a question, but it wasn't the question I was referring to when I asked if I could ask you a question," Emma babbled. Regina quirked an eyebrow.
"So, what is your question?"
"The Golden Girls, really? I mean, Regina Mills the ultimate badass, watches an 80's sitcom?" Emma wrapped her hands around her hips and studied the confounding woman before her.
"I do. The script is brilliant. The actresses are immensely talented. It makes me laugh," Regina explained, confused by Emma's fixation on her solitary television choice.
"Can I watch it with you?"
"No."
"Why not?" Emma demanded, feeling the quick sand loosen once more beneath the solid ground they'd found.
"Miss Swan, you've asked three questions. Do you intend to reach a thesis in the imminent future or may I continue overseeing the set up of your son's room?" Regina sniped, patience frayed.
"Right. I was wondering if I could use your bathroom since there are strange men in my room," Emma finally reached her point.
"Lock your door," Regina denied her request and reached for the golden handle at Emma's hip.
"Please?" Emma begged.
"No," Regina stood firm. "You have your own facilities for a purpose, Miss Swan." She bumped Emma with the door, and The Savior stepped out of the way.
"Have it your way, your most royal pain in my ass," Emma accepted the challenge and stomped back to her room. A part of her knew Regina behaved in such a manner just to push her buttons. Something about pissing her off got The Queen all hot and bothered, and it drove Emma insane.
She tipped her chin to the two men in her room as she blew through, grabbing her Ipod and dock on her way to the bathroom. She plugged it in, made her music selection, and cranked it up to the maximum volume. She grinned at the devil-may-care guitar rift that started the song and swayed her hips lightly as she undressed and adjusted the water. The bath yesterday had done wonders for her wounds.
She stepped into the shower as the lyrics started and practically counted down the seconds in her head until Regina came barreling into the room. A loud banging barely registered over the voice of Axl Rose.
"Welcome to the jungle!" Emma yelled and lathered her hair with shampoo. The door opened and slammed, splitting her face with an involuntary smile.
"Emma Swan, why is there the sound of a dying llama blasting through my home?" Regina demanded. "How the hell do I work this contraption?"
Emma peaked around the frosted glass. "Don't you dare mess with Axl!" The song changed under Regina's inexperienced fingers, and Emma nearly fell over with laughter.
"Oh, this song describes our entire relationship perfectly. In both worlds," she added for dramatic effect.
Regina huffed and dropped her hands in defeat, too curious about the content of the song to attempt to lower the volume more. Emma grinned in triumph. "We're on a highway to hell!" She yelled and closed the door to resume her shower.
Regina bowed her head and breathed deeply. A sudden urge to giggle bubbled in her chest, and she released it into the porcelain tiles and steam. The frosted shower door opened slowly, and Emma's soaked head reappeared, mascara still running everywhere on her face. A silly smile permanently plastered to her lips, and Regina crossed her arms indignantly, controlling her emotions.
"I knew you'd be interesting," she commented lightly, but Emma read her lips to catch all of the words.
"I try," Emma yelled as the song ended, and her voice echoed off the tiles. "The button on the top with the little minus sign turns it down," she put the royal out of her embarrassed misery.
The song changed, and Emma smiled. "You might actually find some peace in this one. Just give it a listen," she said and disappeared once more.
"Are there ever going to be words?" Regina sniped.
"Patience," Emma yelled through the door. Regina fell silent, and Emma rinsed the conditioner from her hair. She'd never taken long showers. They never allowed it in the homes, and the habit stuck.
By the end of the song, she rinsed soap from her body, happy that the gashes on her chest no longer burned in the warm water as they had the previous day. Regina had disappeared, however. Emma's brow furrowed at the silent departure.
"Carry on my wayward son, didn't actually mean carry on, Regina," she grouched with a smirk. Finally, a sliver of The Queen's personality poked through the ice walls, and Emma liked what she saw. Without the rift of battle for Henry, they connected much more quickly than they had in her world, and it left Emma smiling like a fool. She'd always admired the dark woman.
Towel secured tightly around her dripping body, Emma peeked around the door to find her room blissfully empty. She toweled her hair to a damp state and dressed quickly in a pair of jeans a size too big and a halfway decent white turtleneck sweater. Luckily, the riding boots she'd arrived in had been preserved if everything else she'd owned had been destroyed in Regina's torture trials. Her nose wrinkled at the choice of pea coats but snagged the black one, folded it over her arm and went in search of Regina.
She nearly ran head first into Horace who steadied her with one stiff hand on her shoulder. She nodded gratefully and picked her way through the things still on the balcony, but Regina remained conspicuously absent. She raised an eyebrow at Horace who jerked his head towards the stairs. She offered a wide smile and thanks and bounded down the stairs.
She found Regina and Graham in the foyer, but their heads were bowed in conference, so she hung back until Regina noticed her. She'd changed into a ridiculously flashy dress that spoke of her position and probably pinched in all the wrong places. Emm ignored it as The Queen's shoulders coiled tightly, hands clenched into fists. Whatever news her personal guard brought pissed off the touchy woman.
"Emma," she called suddenly. "Are you prepared to depart? It seems you shall endure the first test of pressure today. Something of a protest rally has formed in the Town Square."
Emma nodded. "Lead the way, fearless leader," she quipped and offered Regina her arm. Graham and Horace fell into step a few feet behind them.
The entire drive passed silently. Regina propped her elbow on the window and chewed her thumbnail, a very familiar gesture that made Emma grin and steal discreet glances. Emma jumped out immediately and bolted around the car to open the door for Regina and led her towards the boisterous crowd being riled by none other than Robin Hood himself. Emma rolled her eyes, suddenly more pissed than she should have been. How the hell had Tink ever thought this guy was Regina's soul mate?
Brazenly, Emma came to a stand still beside the leader of this ridiculous rally. The crowd quieted with fear of what The Evil Queen planned. Emma shocked the hell out of everyone when she spoke instead of her mistress.
"You're all idiots," she started. Robin Hood opened his mouth to speak, but Regina waved a hand and numbed his vocal cords as curious as the crowd about what Emma had to say. Emma nodded gratefully to the sorceress, and Robin stamped his foot childishly.
"The Queen has launched an official investigation into the lack of funds meant to help you. I understand that you're all pissed off and that you're getting desperate, but Regina is trying to get to the bottom of this. You need to be patient and give her time to fully investigate." Emma defended The Queen and promised results, very political.
"And how are we supposed to trust her? She brought us to this place. She's kept us captive and terrorized us her entire life. What allegiance do we owe her?" Ruby spoke up from the back and worked her way through the crowd to the front. She was so angry, and Emma's heart broke for her.
"Who the hell are you to speak to us about patience? The Queen's bitch? Why would you even care when you're being fattened up like a prized hog?" Ruby continued, and Peter grabbed her arm, attempting to shush her.
Regina moved beside her, and Emma held up her hand. "My name is Emma Swan." She bared her wrist. "I bear the mark of The Queen," Emma started but faltered when whispers tore through the crowd. What the had she just told them? She really needed more information about bearing Regina's mark. She cleared her throat.
"I have made it my personal mission to improve the lives of everyone is Storybrooke. Yes, you were brought here against your will, but there are worse places Regina could have brought you."
The crowd nodded. Robin's mouth moved frantically. Emma rolled her eyes again and crossed her arms to remove the temptation of smacking the man. Her sudden anger towards him made absolutely no sense. He'd never done anything to harm Regina.
Except take advantage of her at her most vulnerable. A silent voice whispered in the back of her mind, and Emma shook it off. He'd never touched this Regina.
"Since Miss Lucas has elected herself to speak for everyone, please bring your grievances to her," Regina finally spoke. Emma beamed at her mistress. She truly was trying, but Cora made it impossible to find traction. "Make a comprehensive list and bring them to Council Monday morning. Emma will hear them and discuss them with Miss Lucas so that we may find temporary solutions. Now please, go home before I am forced to react with aggression."
"Easy," Emma whispered in her ear. No one had ever mistaken Regina for a patient person.
Ruby crossed her arms, eyes narrowed, lips pursed. Emma silently begged her to take the deal offered them. After a moment, the wolf nodded and turned to the crowd. "Come on, everyone, let's go to Granny's. I can give everyone a free burger and some coffee."
Emma started. There must have been 30 people there. No way could Ruby have afforded to give away that much free food. Apparently, Peter thought so as well if the heated glared at his wife indicated anything. Emma intervened before the couple broke into an argument. Her heart hurt to know that her friend had somehow landed herself in an unhappy if not loveless marriage.
"Put it on The Queen's tab. We'll be by later for pie and hot cocoa," Emma said. The crowd shift and creaked as one unit, whispers spreading immediately at the generous offer.
Regina cleared her throat at her side. "I hope you know what you're doing. Mother will not be happy."
Emma shrugged and pulled Regina away from the crowd before they asked anymore questions. "Take the t.v. back if it's that big a deal."
Robin stamped his foot emphatically, and Regina waved a hand over her shoulder. "You've spoken enough for one day, forest dweller. I'll return your voice once Miss Lucas has collected her list of grievances. Go count your pine cones."