A/N: I know that this chapter seems slightly anti-Semitic, sorry about that, please don't flame me for it. That's just Cartman, who hates everybody, especially Jews, particularly Kyle. Anyway, this takes place 1 week after the Cinephiles party. Please review!!! Oh, and thanks BeccaElizabeth for reviewing my latest chapters, I appreciate it. Kisses!

A Waverly Owl should always be aware of prying eyes.

Kyle Broflovski had never been happier. As a result, Eric Cartman had never been more pissed off. Cartman sighed as he took in the glowing greenness of the main quad, where everyone met between classes. He saw a flash of orange; it was Kenny, talking to that red head, Brett or something? His gaze turned to Kyle; that Jewfro of his is unmistakable.

Cartman sat down on one of the many benches that dotted the perimeter of the quad; the wood creaking under his heavy weight. He squinted his chocolate eyes, trying to get a closer look. He had notoriously bad eyesight; a burden at times like this. Kyle was talking to Stan, not like that was anything new. Cartman stifled a yawn and was about to turn his attention to something new when he noticed something unusual.

Tinsley and Callie were walking past them. They didn't say anything, but luckily Cartman was close enough to be able to read their faces. Stan looked like a lovesick puppy, but that wasn't particularly surprising, Cartman knew about his massive crush on her. But Cartman also knew that she was taken, so to speak. Tinsley winked significantly in Kyle's direction, and Cartman noted that a dreamy expression that seemed to come over the stupid Jew's face.

Not puppy love like Stan's, but something else. Almost as if the two of them shared a secret. Cartman concentrated hard and suddenly it all made sense. The two of them in the tunnels…the wink…the look on his face….the two of them must be hooking up in secret.

Cartman grinned, already thinking about to get revenge on the stupid Jew. After all, Eric Cartman had hated Kyle Broflovski as long as he could remember. Him and his best friend. Well, admittedly, Cartman never hated Stan. But he always hated how the two of them spent all of their time together, proclaiming that they were "Super Best Friends", leaving Cartman all alone.

Not that he would ever want to be friends with that Jew. But still….Cartman's mind was racing with thoughts and he had to stop and try to find some way to organize all of his ideas. Maybe breaking it down into questions and answers would help, thought Cartman.

Q: What is that damn Jew afraid of?

A: His super bitch mom. The idea that his "Super Best friend" was in pain would probably devastate him.

Q: What can I do to hurt Stan?

A: Hurt Callie. Stan is head over heels for the bitch.

Q: How can I stop Kyle from hooking up with that ho Tinsley?

A: Have his mother stop them.

At this Cartman got a brilliant idea. The perfect way to fuck that stupid Jew's life. He grinned and pulled out his cell phone, taking care to make sure that nobody saw him using it. After three rings, the woman picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mrs. Broflovski, it's Eric Cartman, Kyle's friend?"

"Oh, yes…" she sounded distracted and Cartman knew she had to get her attention.

"Anyway, sorry to bother you, but next weekend is Parents Weekend and Kyle would love it if you could come up and visit him."

"Of course," replied Shelia Broflovski immediately.

"Well, he would love to see you next Friday, around 8, in his dorm room. Its number 124," he added helpfully.

"Of course, I'll be there. I want to hear all about how Kyle is doing at school."

Cartman nodded. "I'm sorry Mrs. Broflovski, I have to go. See you next Friday."

"Sure, sweetie."

"Buh-Bye," said Cartman, so sugary that it would've put Kyle into diabetic shock, had he been around. Cartman flipped his phone closed. That'll show that fucking Jew, he thought triumphantly as he headed towards the dining hall.