Usual disclaimers, Chuck, Bill, Warner's… blah.

Room Service

Following the exit of the Shamy, the group sat around the table in a mild state of shock.

Leonard took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Well, I'd have to say using her hickey as a visual aid was an original take on the subject matter."

"There is a moral here… Next time, when Sheldon and Amy say they don't want to talk about something… maybe we don't push it…" Raj said diplomatically.

Padma shook her head then sucked down some Chardonnay, "You all should not blame yourselves. There was no way anyone could have foreseen that… well, that they could pull that kind of presentation out of their asses on such short notice. I attended a series of Nobel Lectures in Stockholm last year with nowhere near that level of content. At this point, I am only surprised that hickey was the only visual aid."

"You aren't offended? You know by the monkey fornication and all the mucus?" Penny asked before trying to wash away the weird feelings with wine.

"How could I be offended? I have learned a lot tonight, about a lot things. Things that I never wanted to know… But it is knowledge… and knowledge is…" Padma stopped talking… "I am going to be honest, I blame you of all for this."

"Us?" Howard asked, "What about them? Only the Shamy could have brought you Mucus and Monkey Sex!"

"Fine. Let me clarify, here we have 2-30 year old virgins, one of whom up to five o'clock this afternoon, you thought was completely asexual… You all bust in on them, you ruin their naughty time and then spend the evening grilling them like they killed your cat. They killed your cat and you think that the only way you can bring your cat back to life is if you find out if they had oral sex…" Padma noted.

"Please," Howard scoffed, "we know they didn't have oral… We know Sheldon would never have oral… sex…" that last word was punctuated with a horrified face.

Bernadette raised her glass, "Well, until 5pm this afternoon we all knew Sheldon would never lure Amy to his hotel room for a session of passionate Osculation and Frottage. Times seem to be changing." Penny bit her lip, and looking deep in thought, "It means kissing and dry humping." Penny eyes widened in understanding, then her face scrunched, and she took a hit of wine right out of the bottle.

Leonard finally spoke, "We owe them an apology, guys. We should be really happy for them."

The group erupted.

Raj beamed, "Of course, I am happy for them… My Amy make over was magic!"

Penny gasped, "I was looking out for Amy, she's got to be freaking out! Also I am nosy drunk, you all know that… Whatever!"

Bernadette admitted, "I sort of yelled at Sheldon earlier, he may have thought he had to put out or else… I just never thought he'd follow instructions that well." She looked around sheepishly, and seized the bottle from Penny and drank.

Howard shook his head, wresting the bottle from Bernadette, "Quit over thinking this. These are not defenseless flowers. They are Shamy! These are 2 of the bluntest people that ever walked the earth." He pours Bernadette's wine in her glass. "These are the kind of people that have a lecture on Monkey sex just sitting on their iPad like so much cute kitten video. Were we asking for it? Yes, we were. Did they give it to us? Oh, hell yeah, they did." He folded his arms over his narrow chest, "Also, how much did they love doing that presentation? They were positively glowing," Howard winked lewdly.

"Can we get another couple bottles of wine over here?" Penny yelled, "Yo, Garcon!"

Meanwhile in the limo…

"Not here." Sheldon refused.

"Why?" Amy countered with head tilt that indicated she wasn't just going to let this go.

"It is the back of a limo."

"Yeah, I know. I knew that is what you meant when you said "here". What's wrong with the back of a limo?" Amy asked.

"Do you know how many people have been in the back of this thing? Prom nights, weddings, old lady bingo night… actors? This is a stone soup of bodily secretions."

Amy wisely refrained from mentioning the disgraceful condition of most hotel room beds and bed linens as she was hoping to lure Sheldon into one within the next hour. "You had a vertical nap with me a family restroom. Where sticky children have touched every surface. How is a limo worse?"

"I plotted with you in a family restroom. The kissing, while pleasurable, was ancillary." His eyes gleamed, "the plotting bore fruit…"

Beaming, Amy said, "Yeah, it did. And I was finally to disseminate my extensive knowledge of the sexual habits of howler monkeys… yay! I've had that on my hard drive since grad school."

While she had been speaking, Sheldon appreciated the view. The silk dress she wore was happy green color that made her eyes appear to change color depending on the light. Her hair, left its own devices fell into her eyes when she moved her head. He reached over and smoothed it back with his hand. Smiling, Amy took his hand and brought it to her lips. "I am really happy today." She whispered.

He averted his eyes and asked, "Why?"

"You." Amy cupped his face in her hands and gave him a sweet chaste kiss. "Sorry, I know I shouldn't kiss you in this "stone soup of body secretions.""

With a couple quick adjustments, Sheldon shifted Amy into his lap. "Well, we are the 2 cleanest things that have ever been in the back of this thing…" he slowly kissed her lips, "We'll just sanitize like nuts when we get to the hotel."

"Hmmm," she purred, "Promise?"

Missy Cooper was beat. She had just finished a 12 hour shift at the hospital and now all she wanted to do was have a couple of beers and watch Downton Abbey season 3 on her laptop. Episodes that her sweet Shelly had downloaded from the sketchy European sites. He'd been doing it for his girlfriend and thought Missy might enjoy them too. So he'd hacked her computer system and left them right there on her desk top.

"Ha! Shelly has a girlfriend!" Missy sang, tauntingly to herself as she opened a bottle of Shiner Bock. From everything she had gleaned from her mother and Penny, this girl, Amy, was a godsend. Not only did she adore Shelly, she also apparently could keep him in line. Missy had adored him for over 30 years and she could only make him mind by implying that not only could she still kick his ass, and that it was something she was interested in doing.

While the video was loading, she opened her email. There was an emergency text from Penny's phone to Missy's email address. "I THINK SHELDON HAD SEX!"

Missy's eyes went wide. She sat with her fingers frozen an inch above the keyboard. Without blinking she bolted across the room to get her phone from her purse. Sure enough there were texts from Penny. Texts with mysterious titles like "SEX HAIR!" "WE CHECKED… ALL THE UNDERWEAR IS ACCOUNTED FOR!" The last one read…

"Sorry. Miss. I guess it was just some smooching and a little rubbing of naughty bits. CHEERS!" Missy sat on her desk and drained her beer. She still hadn't blinked.

Sheldon and Amy had skipped the scientific revels by the pool and went straight to his room. Amy had noticed that Sheldon wasn't too demonstrative in public, but once a door closed… Sheldon wrapped his arms around her waist and pushed her gently against the door to the bathroom, whispering, "we need to sanitize. Limo germs."

"Wait." Amy said as he moved to kiss her. "Let's order room service first."

"You want food? Now?" The twang indicated Sheldon was either highly displeased or extremely excited about the suggestion.

"Did you have lunch?" Amy asked.

"No."

"Was your breakfast disgusting?"

"You know it was." Sheldon realized his stomach might be empty. "What makes you think that room service will be any better?" He brushed the hair out of her eyes, his hand lingering on the back of her head.

"Because you are going to order it." She smiled up at him, letting her fingers trail over the classic batman logo emblazoned on the chest of his upper tee shirt.

"Are you stalling?" Sheldon asked.

"Yes." Amy nodded.

"Why?"

"Because if I don't urinate this second, I am going to die. That isn't how I want to go." She bounced slightly, he stepped back and she bolted to her room. Pausing at the door, "Order food, then shower, than meet me on your bed in 30 minutes." Amy commanded.

Once her bladder had been voided, Amy finally had a few seconds of "not blissed out" clarity so she could think. She turned on her shower and began to disrobe, carefully hanging up her pretty green dress and laying her pretty bra and panty set out to be hand washed with her pretty lace top stockings. She frowned, when did she start having pretty things?

Oh yeah, crazy, drunk, selectively mute, Indian Richie Rich bought her a big pile of clothes. She opened her suit case and saw tonight's nightie. "Oh you little cupid of the sub-continent!" That was it. Amy was curing Raj's mutism… first thing Monday morning. It was a done deal.

Meanwhile, Sheldon was maintaining. As long as he had Amy within arm's length, everything felt good. Manageable. Tandem shower time sounded like something he could pull off. He was starting to feel a little panicky. He wondered if he should tell Amy about the condoms in the emergency kit… How would she react?

As he showered the voices in his head were having a bit of a tiff.

His logical side spoke. Tell her about the condoms she'll understand, she might even praise you for your preparedness.

His Inner Texan piped up from the wood shop of his limbic lust, "Hell no! You can't tell her that! She is the only person in the world that hasn't noticed that you are a crazy as a chicken! If you tell her what the condoms are for… you will never get to use them for the purpose for which they were manufactured…"

Then Mom spoke from the plain white church house of his disbelief, "Shelly, condoms are a sin… even after the rapture… Yes the rapture is to coming! Are you ready?"

Frowning, he ignored them and thought about meeting Amy in his bed in 18 minutes… He finished his shower, dried off methodically, and put on his Saturday night pajamas. He checked the clock. 14 minutes. 24 minutes until the food was scheduled to arrive…

His phone blared loudly, "Little Miss Can't be Wrong". He frowned, "why is Missy calling." He pressed accept, "Missy, what's wrong? This isn't our bi-weekly telephone time! Is it Mom? Is it MeeMaw? Did George's second wife find out about his soon to be third wife?"

He heard Missy suck in a lungful of air, "Are you having sex, Shelly?"

Pause.

"Not at the moment?" Sheldon winced, that answer probably wasn't going to help him much. "Who did you talk to?"

"I didn't talk to anyone!" Missy declared. She was drunk.

"Missy, we established that you and I have no magic psychic bond despite the 35 weeks we spent alone in the same womb. Somebody told you somethin'" he hissed.

"Somethin'? Sounded might Texan there, Shelly. If you must know, Penny texted me. And I am not judging, I am really happy, it is just… when the hell did this happen? How?" Missy asked.

"It happened this afternoon and if I can get my nosy twin sister off the phone it will happen again in 4 minutes!"

"Oh Lord! Don't let me keep you! Go do what needs to be done. I am flying to LA on Friday. Tell Amy I am staying with her. Do your thing Shelly Bean!" Sheldon hung up without saying good bye.

Well, on the bright side, he might be able to have dinner now that the perma-erection was gone. He looked around the room, his eyes stopping on the hastily made bed. He wasn't sure he was hungry, but he knew one thing, he wanted more… napping.

Amy knocked on the door between their rooms. 2 minutes early. She was lucky he could forgive her anything. He opened the door. Amy stood before him in a gauzy white night gown. It was longer than the pink, but sheer and it floated around her body like a cloud. Growling, Sheldon buried his hands in her hair and pulled her hard against him, groaning as she slipped her arms around his waist. They began to kiss.

She loved the way his hands flexed, caressing and pulling her hair at the same time. She felt too many things at the same time, his hands, his mouth, his body pressed against her. Pulling from the kiss slightly, she whispered "Bed… Now!"

Sheldon obliged her, turning so that he landed on the bed on his back, cushioning her fall. Giggling, she sat up straddling his legs. "Thank you for the landing pad, Dr. Cooper. How long before the food gets here?" He didn't answer her, he ran his hands over the soft skin of her bare thighs, enjoying the deep blush that came over her face. She gasped as he moved his hands higher up her legs.

Apparently the no hands below the waist rule was no longer in effect.

Good to know.

Amy moved forward, sliding up his flannel clad body so that she could get to his mouth. Before she kissed him, she paused to gaze into his eyes, "I feel like I am going to wake up. I don't want to." She stroked his face. She wanted to say it. She felt it, she should say it…

Knock Knock "Room service."

"Good Lord" Sheldon hissed, sitting up, bringing Amy with him. He looked at her and growled, "Go wait in your room, darlin'. No one gets to see you like this but me." He smiled and kissed her deeply, then he pushed her to her feet. "Go."

Amy grinned then stuck her tongue out at him as she retreated, "Don't act up, girl, you wanted food." Once she closed the door, she started breathing heavily… more heavily. Without having it said, she knew the sweet little rules that protected them from themselves earlier in the day, were no longer in effect. She grabbed a 10 dollar bottle of water from the Mini bar and drank it quickly.

She had a little secret, she hadn't told him. One that would put his mind at ease if nighttime napping meant what she though it did… Please… God she wanted to be right for once.

There was the triple knock, her name, repeat, repeat. "Coast is clear." She opened the door and followed him in.

"So what are we having?" She smiled sitting down at the table that had been set by the window. "Please tell me, it is nothing fancy. I haven't had normal food since two nights ago." She lifted the lid over the plate and pumped the air, "Yes! Pizza. Normal Pizza!"

Sheldon smiled at her enthusiasm, "It is Saturday." He poured them each a glass of water.

"Missing Laundry night and TiVo clean up?" She asked.

Pushing her hair out of her face, he smiled, "Not as much as I thought." Leaning her face into his hand, they gazed at each other for a few seconds, "You are still watching Battle Star Galatica next weekend." Amy laughed, throwing her napkin on the table, she straddled his lap. Kissing his mouth slowly, cupping his face in her hands. "You know what taste good luke warm?" Sheldon whispered when she came up for air, "Pizza."

A/N: Okay, smut hounds, the next chapter will be mostly smut. And the reason Sheldon keeps condoms in his emergency kit will be revealed. His Inner Texan may have had a point…