MOMENTS OF THE HEART
CHAPTER TEN
Since "that dinner" on Wednesday night with Emma and Merida McLachlan, the last forty-eight hours had been a blur for Regina. She knew that Emma had indeed started her fast-track detective's course and at some point in that time regaled her about how she was finding it so far. Not that she remembered much of the conversation. Though, she did remember that Emma had been nervous at first but she seemed to quickly adapt to the situation. As for her son, she faintly remembered taking and picking him up from school. Also packing his lunch and cooking him dinner at some point.
But apart from that, she couldn't really remember what else she had achieved in the last forty-eight hours. She felt like she was on auto-pilot, just going through the motions, adjusting her direction every so often to remain on course. But for what? She wasn't entirely sure.
Opening her eyes and focusing on the environment around her, she quickly realised she was in her studio. But how did she get here and why was she here?
That bit was a little fuzzy.
As she sat up from the old brown leather sofa she picked up her mobile from the coffee table and glanced at the time.
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"
It was fast approaching midday and Henry needed to get to school. Stumbling as she stood, her foot knocked the empty bottle of whiskey. Her gaze fell upon the bottle rolling around in a circle on the floor as she vaguely remembered when she opened the bottle. It was definitely yesterday morning after she dropped Henry at school. Did she pick him up as well? She couldn't recall. She must have, she thought.
Grabbing her woollen jacket, handbag and keys, she slipped on her heeled boots and swung the door to her studio open. The cold morning air hit her like a tonne of bricks as she slammed the door shut behind her. That's when she noticed that her car, the soccer mom van as Emma called it wasn't there. How did she get here? She must have caught a taxi. Sighing deeply to herself, she flipped open her phone to call a taxi when she noticed the date on the home screen.
It was Saturday.
Groaning to herself, she silently thanked god she hadn't messed up again. Henry would be at home with his other mother probably sitting in front of the television watching his favourite cartoon program.
Now she had a choice. To go home or stay here?
Knowing if she went home, it would most certainly mean she would be bombarded with insentient questions about her whereabouts from Emma. To go home also meant that she would need to face the source of her guilt. The blonde with green eyes.
But if she stayed here, at her studio, she wouldn't need to face anything. Nor would she be bothered by anyone.
Stepping off the last stair, she ran her fingers through her dishevelled hair as she tried to make sense of everything. She paced in a tight circle as she considered what to do. But her thoughts were a jumbled mass of confusion. Nothing seemed to make sense when she was sober.
She knew what she needed first to make sense of everything.
A drink.
And this had been the crux of her survival since Wednesday night. Everything made sense when she was intoxicated.
~()~
Discarding her jacket and handbag on the old brown leather sofa, Regina's trembling hand quickly unscrewed the lid of the newly purchased bottle of whiskey as she threw her head back, gulping greedily down a mouthful of the liquid.
Smacking her lips together afterwards, she now had some perspective. She was going to stay here, get her affairs and business in some sort of order. Well to be honest, this was a worthy distraction from the revelations of Wednesday night spent with her wife and lover.
Backing out her dark room, Regina closed the door and turned around to find Merida McLachlan standing in the middle of her studio. In shock, Regina dropped the small pile of developed photographs.
Merida initially watched Regina fumbling to pick them up before she generously gathered up a few that were out of the brunette's grasp. Silently she handed them to the brunette who brushed past her and headed towards the long wooden table.
"Why didn't you tell me you were married?" Merida said, following the brunette and stopping a few feet away from her.
Regina sighed to herself as she bent over the table and arranged the photos in chronological order.
"Regina?" The red head urged.
Regina straightened up and planted her hands firmly on the table. Her eyes drifted to the whitewashed brick wall in front of her before she turned to glare at the red head.
"Because we decided no names, no personal information to confuse the matter further. Remember?"
Merida stayed silent, she remembered the conditions of the 'situation' she'd found herself in with the brunette. And in all honesty up to three days ago, all she knew about the brunette was that she was professional photographer. Because that is all Regina had allowed Merida to know about her.
But now, three days later, what she knew was that this brunette was the wife of one her oldest friends. And that complicated the matter even more.
Merida walked closer to the table and glanced down at the photos. All of them were portraits. Different people that had captured the brunette's attention in some way. As her eyes scanned the photographs, she wondered if there were any photos of her blonde friend. There wasn't.
"This needs to end.." Merida murmured, glancing to the brunette.
Regina was standing at the other end of the table silently observing the red-head before she calmly picked up the bottle of whiskey she had earlier bought. Unscrewing the lid, she let it drop to the floor as she looked to the bottle. Bringing it to her mouth, she let the liquid pass her lips. Swallowing a small amount, she gasped as it seemingly burnt her throat as it travelled down to her stomach. This was a first. Glancing back to the red head. "Does Emma know?"
Merida's head dipped slightly as her eyes avertedly left the brunette. "It's not my place to say anything, Regina."
Scoffing to herself, Regina took another swig of the whiskey. The alcohol she'd just swallowed topped off and hit the mark. She had reached the drunken high she had been achieving for the last three days. And in that moment, she possibly made the worse decision of her life.
"Well if that's the case then how about one for the road?" Regina gave a seductive wink.
Merida brows furrowed deeply as she tried to make sense of this whole situation.
"I don't think that will fix the mess we have found ourselves in, Regina."
Regina scoffed again. "Perhaps not, but it will give me something to remember you by…"
Merida gasped loudly. "I don't get you, Regina! You're willing to ruin your marriage for what? A fling? You and I both know that we can't continue this…" She waved her hand between the two of them. "I feel so sorry for Emma." She slowly shook her head in despair.
Regina glared at the red head. "Don't you dare! You know nothing about our life, our marriage."
Merida sighed deeply. "No you're right, I don't. But now that I am involved in this mess, I am having nothing further to do with it." She turned slowly, picking up her handbag from the sofa before silently leaving the studio.
~()~
"Perhaps there's a table at the back?" Emma shrugged, pushing her way through the crowd. She glanced over her shoulder toward Merida who was following closely behind her.
They weaved their way through the crowd until they finally were at the back of the club. There were no tables available except for a narrow ledge where they could rest their drinks upon. Placing her pint of beer down, she smiled hopefully to her friend.
It had been about a month since she had last seen Merida. In that time, they hadn't really kept in touch with each other. Emma had been busy with work and her degree while Merida (using the same excuse) purposely distanced herself from the blonde. Ever since the dinner a month ago, she had been guilt ridden by the revelations of her having a fling with her friend's wife.
Even now, after a month it was hard for Merida to even look at her blonde friend without feeling absolutely disgusted with herself.
"So what's been happening, Scotty?" Emma asked, taking a sip of her beer.
Merida shrugged as she looked away from the blonde. "Oh you know..work.."
Emma frowned slightly; something was off with her red headed friend. "Okay, that's rather vague…"
Merida gave a tight smile as she looked back to the blonde. "Not much to say, really."
Emma studied the red head for a minute before she spoke. "What's going on, Merida? It's like you don't really want to be here."
The red shook her head animatedly. "It's not that. I do, honestly. It's just.." She paused slightly, distracting herself with a sip of her beer. "It's just…" she stumbled over her words.
"Ahhh I see what's going on, you prefer the company of someone else…" Emma bumped Merida's hip playfully. "Perhaps that fine piece of arse?" Emma chuckled loudly, shaking her head and taking another sip of her beer."
Merida sheepishly lowered her eyes and looked away from the blonde.
Emma frowned slightly. "I was only joking, Scotty."
"I know..." Merida paused as she weighed up if this was the moment she should confess all or not. "How's things with Regina?" Even saying the brunette's name brought a small amount of bile to rise in her throat.
Emma placed her pint down on the ledge and shrugged. "Okay I guess..."
"You guess?"
"We haven't seen much of each other over the last month. I've been busy with work and when I'm at home I only see her fleetingly…" Emma paused. "Why the sudden interest?"
Merida clenched her fists together as she pursed her lips together. Obviously Regina hadn't confessed to the blonde about their affair. She blew out a deep breath as she glanced away before looking back to her friend. She couldn't handle the guilt any longer; she needed to get it off her chest. "I have something to tell you, Emma."
The blonde looked at the red head curiously. "Okay…"
"Ahh, well..you know.." Merida was stumbling over her words as her nerves took a hold of her.
"Merida, just tell me…"
The red head nodded a few times. "Regina has been unfaithful to you, Emma."
"What?" Emma scoffed. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "How do you know?"
Merida took a deep gulp, looked away quickly before looking back to the blonde. "Because she was the fine piece of arse..." She lowered her eyes in disgrace. "I'm so sorry."
Emma's eyes widen in shock. She couldn't believe what Merida was saying. "Excuse me?"
Merida placed her hand on the blonde's shoulders only for it to be shrugged away. Raising her hands and recoiling them back to her side, she finally spoke. "I had a fling… an affair with Regina. For about a month. It's over now! I promise you that. As soon as I found out she was married to you, I ended it."
"You what?! Regina and you had an affair. But it's over now." Emma shook her head trying to make sense of what she had just been told.
The red head nodded several times. "Listen Emma, I'm so sorry. I happened to run in to Regina the same day as I bumped into you at the grocery store. It started then. But I didn't know she was married to you then." Merida urged. "She didn't even tell me her name. That was one of her conditions..." Merida trailed off.
Emma was trying to keep up. "Conditions?"
"She said no names. No personal information."
Emma shook her head and blinked a few times. Then it dawned on her. "So when I introduced you two at the dinner…" She paused slightly. "You already knew each other?"
Merida nodded. "I confronted her in the kitchen."
"But you said it's over now."
"Yes. I ended it three days after at her studio." Merida murmured.
Emma stumbled back and steadied herself against the ledge. Breathing deeply, she lowered her eyes as thoughts of Regina's affair flooded and flashed before eyes. With everything that had happened to them over the last ten years of marriage, she never expected to be told that Regina had been unfaithful to her. Emma remembered when she was paranoid that Regina was having an affair with Mal Draak before they were married and then that one time when it briefly entered her thoughts when Regina was away in New York but since then she hadn't even considered that Regina, her wife, the love of her life, the mother of her child would actually do anything.
"Say something, Emma." Merida murmured as she took hold of the blonde's hand.
"I need to go…" Emma's eyes frantically searched for the exit of the club.
~()~
Emma burst through her front door. Tears streaming down her face as she slammed the front door shut. The house was in complete darkness. Obviously her wife, she couldn't even say her name in her mind wasn't home. For all Emma knew, she was probably fucking some woman somewhere, in her studio, a seedy apartment or upstairs in their martial bed. The blonde glanced up the stairs, she couldn't hear anything but that didn't mean it wasn't happening. Bounding the stairs and bursting through their bedroom door, she immediately flicked the light on.
The bed was empty, undisturbed and still made exactly how she had left it this morning. Emma ran her fingers through her hair out of frustration as she turned on her heel and descended back down the stairs.
Emma paced continually around the kitchen and lounge for the next ten minutes. Her thoughts flicking between what Merida had told her earlier and the whereabouts of her wife.
She still couldn't say her name.
The very thought of voicing her name or even thinking it, disgusted, disappointed and even outraged her all together.
Feeling her phone vibrate in her jacket pocket, she retrieved it and clicked on the message icon.
Ducky, please tell me you're okay. I'm so sorry I kept this from you. X
The blonde sighed deeply as she quickly typed out a reply. No she wasn't alright. Her whole world had just imploded within its self. Everything that she had feared in their relationship had come true.
Another message flashed on her screen.
Okay. If you need anything, just call me. X
Scoffing to herself, what she needed was her wife to tell her that Merida had been mistaken. She hadn't been having an affair. But as hard as she tried, Emma couldn't ignore the feeling of hurt, suspicion and anger gnawing away in the pit of her stomach.
Things were making sense now.
For the last six weeks, Regina (oh God, she had thought of her name) had been acting incredibly shady. Overcompensating herself at every given moment and especially when her behaviour and actions involved the blonde.
That was guilt.
Regina had obviously been feeling ashamed and guilty for her recent behaviour and Emma in a small but growing way was glad that the brunette was feeling guilty. She hoped that the guilt had truly set in and was slowly gnawing away at the brunette. It served her right.
How could she even conceive the notion to do this to? To her. To them.
Emma was now angry. The angriest she had been in a very long time. Emma rationalized that their relationship hadn't been at its best for the last year or so. But she could honestly say she had always been there for the brunette when it mattered. Been a constant beacon of love and understanding. Supporting the brunette through everything she had endured over the years. But for Regina (Gahh! She had thought of her name again) to do this, throw everything she had done for the brunette back in her face, disregarding and disrespecting their relationship for an affair, a fucking fling, hurt Emma the most. She didn't deserve to be treated like this.
Tears were now constantly streaming down her redden cheeks as she suddenly stopped still.
Had Regina fallen out of love with her?
Was that the reason why she did this? Emma honestly didn't want to conceive that this could be true. No Regina (stop saying her name!) loved her. She was sure of that. And she knew she still loved Regina. There was still love in their relationship, even though it may be buried deep under other issues. The unconditional love they harboured for each other out shone any resentment they might have developed for each other. But if Regina loved her as much as she thought, why would have done this in the first place?
Perhaps I should have done more? We should have tried, done more to make things work. This would never have happened, if I did. If I tried that little bit more.
The taste of bile filled her mouth as the fear that she hadn't tried hard enough suddenly surfaced. She couldn't help but blame herself for Regina's actions. Of course the brunette would do this, cast her aside when she realised that Emma had nothing to offer her. Why wouldn't she? It was a wonder the brunette hadn't done it years ago, Emma thought to herself.
Emma wiped the tears away as she started to berate herself over and over in her mind. How could she have been so blind? Why hadn't she realised sooner that something was going on with the brunette? Was she really that naïve to believe that their relationship was like a perfect fucking fairy tale that would withhold the test of time?
"FUCK YOU, REGINA!" Emma screamed over and over until her voice started to become hoarse.
~()~
It was early hours of the next morning when the brunette finally returned home. Emma had eventually fallen asleep on the sofa. She had contemplated going up to bed the night before but in the end she just couldn't bring herself to actually sleep in the bed that she shared with her wife.
Her.
Regina.
Emma still couldn't say the brunette's name without retching bile from her stomach.
Regina softly closed the front door behind her as she silently moved through the house to the kitchen. She instinctively knew something was amiss when she saw the smashed bottle of vodka in the kitchen sink. She inquisitively lifted the glass that sat on the draining board and smelt the contents.
Vodka.
Emma had obviously had a drink or two before she had gone out with Merida the night before, Regina thought to herself as she placed the glass down and started to clear the shattered bottle from the sink. With her thoughts centred on her wife enjoying herself with the red head the night before, an inkling of jealousy surfaced before she pushed it back, deep inside her. Did she have the right to feel jealous? No. She was more comfortable with remorse. With the guilt that now lay bare across her shoulders as she once again contemplated why the fuck she did what she did?
Pursing her lips hard the conjured images of her wife and the red head slipped away from her mind, she silently walking out of the kitchen and up to their bedroom. A part of her hoped that Emma wasn't there so she wouldn't have to confront the source of her guilt. But also in a way, she needed the blonde to be in bed, sleeping soundly, so she could slip in beside her, hold her and use Emma to assuage her guilt.
Reaching the bedroom, Regina could tell straight away that the blonde hadn't slept there. The bed still made with nothing out of place. With a sense of relief, Regina sighed deeply as she started to change her day old clothes.
Emma woke slowly to the sound of someone walking around upstairs. She lifted her head off the cushion as she listened for a moment as the footsteps appeared to be coming from their bedroom.
Regina was home.
An overwhelming sense of relief flooded through the blonde. Regina was home. She was here, in their house, in their bedroom and not out somewhere cavorting with god knows who. But then the anger, disappointment and anguish that had held Emma's emotions to ransom the night before hit her suddenly.
Regina was home.
The brunette was here in their house, walking around their bedroom acting as if nothing was wrong, no doubt. Slowly she sat up and continued to listen to Regina moving around the bedrooms upstairs. In that moment, she despised the brunette's carefree attitude. Did the brunette even realise that she knew all about her affair with Merida? Did the brunette even care that she had hurt her badly?
Emma thought for a moment as she made her way to the kitchen, obviously Regina hadn't realised that the blonde was even in the house. Because if she had, the coffee machine would be brewing softly with two waiting mugs beside it. Glancing into the sink, the bottle of vodka she had dropped in the sink before she went out last night had been cleared away. Regina must have done that. Cleared the shattered glass. How thoughtful, Emma scoffed to herself.
Emma silently slipped out of the kitchen and padded silently down the short corridor. She stopped at the foot of the stairs and glanced up. She couldn't hear the brunette. Biting her lip, she knew that she needed to confront the brunette but she was anxious as to how to do it. Should she startle the brunette and scream blue murder or give the brunette a chance to explain herself?
Emma slowly ascended the stairs and stopped on the last stair. She could hear the shower running. Turning her head away from the bathroom, she pushed open their bedroom door and disappeared inside. Regina had laid out a set off clothes on the bed. Pursing her lips, Emma sat down beside the clothes and ran her fingers over the soft cashmere jumper as she thought about how she was going to confront the brunette.
Then it struck her, perhaps it was a little juvenile and she knew that it wouldn't make her feel any better afterwards but neither would Regina. And that was the point. But at this moment in time Emma couldn't care less about Regina's feelings nor her own really. She stood suddenly and stripped off her clothes before slipping silently out of the bedroom and headed to the bathroom.
She hesitatively held back at the door before slowly pushing it open. The instant humidity warmed her skin as she padded silently over the tiles and stood before the large walk in shower. The brunette was still unaware of the blonde's presences. Running her teeth over her lips, she momentarily contemplated her plan. With a decisive nod to herself, she pushed open the door and slipped in behind the brunette. That was when Regina finally realised Emma's presence.
Glancing over her shoulder, Regina frowned slightly as she tried to comprehend what was going on.
"Hey…"
"Hi.." Regina murmured as she felt Emma's hands trace over her shoulders, down her arms and stop at her hands.
Turning slowly to face the blonde, she reached out and cupped the blonde's face and pulling her closer before suddenly and forcefully capturing her lips. The kiss was needy, desperate almost as it searched for a connection. Emma was of two minds whether or not to respond by deepening the kiss. But she was quickly losing her nerve and before she could fathom what was happening, her body reacted accordingly and deepened the kiss. Getting lost in the emotion of the moment her body betrayed her beyond belief as the brunette demonstrated her persuasive power. Hungrily they exhibited their potential dominance over the other as waves of emotions see-sawed between the two women. The blonde finally took charge and directed the brunette to step backwards until an 'oomph' escaped the brunette's mouth as her back slammed against the cold tiled wall. She had no way of escaping Emma now.
Emma's lips fell away from the brunette's as she studied the woman before her. Should she confront her now or not? Was it worth it? To intentionally hurt the brunette like what had been done to her. Could she live with lowering herself to the brunette's standard? Would she later regret her actions? If she attacked now would the potential impact of hurt be worth it? Emma wasn't sure if she had the stamina to keep up with this charade for much longer. Frowning slightly as her thoughts reminded her of the betrayal Regina had bestowed upon her, she made her mind up. The brunette deserved everything that Emma was about to throw back into her face.
Cupping Regina's face, Emma forced the brunette no other option but to look at her dead in the eye. Quirking an eyebrow and smirking slightly, Emma leant in and captured the bruised plump lips forcefully, pulling the brunette closer and earning a muffled moan in response. Emma trailed her fingers down the centre of Regina's chest, stopping momentarily over her heart before continuing down the valley between her breasts and over the brunette's abdomen. Her fingers flexed as they hesitated to continue their journey to the goal.
"Please…" Regina pleaded softly.
Emma tilted her head slightly to the side.
"Fuck me, Emma."
Without a word, the blonde's nimble fingers continued until they found the swollen slick folds. Emma revelled in the wetness between the brunette's legs. The relief of knowing that she still had this effect on Regina overwhelmed the blonde's senses but also it disgusted her and that was when Emma realised that this wasn't about an emotional connection but just a purely physical release that she needed.
Plunging two fingers deep inside the brunette, Emma started to pump furiously as she released her anger out on the brunette. Regina's eyes widened in surprise as Emma's fingers dove deeper inside her repeatedly. Emma had never fucked her like this. With such an animalist tendency devoid of any passion or love.
They weren't making love but just fucking.
With every passing motion, Regina's body reacted accordingly as it got closer to achieving the orgasm that she needed. Emma could feel the brunette's wall's tightening around her fingers as they continuously pumped deep inside the brunette.
"Faster…" Regina breathed.
With a renewed sense of purpose, Emma obliged. Her hand rested on the brunette's shoulder as she steadied herself and plunged her two fingers deeper still inside the brunette, her eyes never leaving the brunette's. Emma needed Regina to see the hurt in her eyes when she achieved her orgasm.
Steadily pumping in and out, Emma knew that Regina was close. Just a few more moments and then she would execute the rehearsed comment with enough viciousness to make maximum impact.
Feeling the brunette's inner walls beginning to flutter and constrict against her fingers, she quirked an eyebrow in anticipation. Regina was so close. Cupping her hand behind the brunette's neck, she pulled Regina close so as she could kiss the brunette one last time. Capturing the plump lips, she nipped and tugged at them forcefully whilst her two sodden fingers continued their assault on the brunette.
Releasing her hold on the brunette's lips, Emma pushed away slightly as she felt Regina's walls tighten sharply around her fingers. The brunette's body sagged slightly as wave after wave of euphoric orgasm flowed freely around her body. Emma cupped the brunette's chin, their eyes locked onto one another.
"Did she make you ever come like this?" Emma viciously hissed, suddenly withdrawing her fingers from the brunette.
~()~
Regina pushed open the door to the 'The White House' and retrieved her two suitcases from where the taxi driver had practically dumped them on the cobbled street. She sighed heavily to herself as she slammed the door shut and flicked the lights on. As she slowly glanced around the vacant space, she couldn't help but think back to a happier time when she first bought and moved into the building, all those years ago. Tears started to stream down her face again as she walked the perimeter of the apartment space conjuring up memories of her and Emma living here. They had experienced so much in the time that they lived here until finally outgrowing the space and moving on and beginning their life together in the old brownstone in Brookline for the last seven years.
But now, she was back in the apartment where it all started.
Standing at the foot of the internal staircase, Regina slowly ascended the stairs and pushed open the door. Stepping into the dark studio space, she didn't bother to switch the lights on as she padded across to the old brown sofa and lay down upon it. Tears again freely flowed down her cheeks as Emma's parting words penetrated her consciousness.
"I can't even look at you anymore. Get the fuck out of my life!"
She had never seen Emma that angry before. And she couldn't really blame her. Emma had every reason to despise her, to hate her. If the shoe was on the other foot, she would have reacted the same, she mused.
She knew she deserved everything Emma had said to her.
Blinking rapidly in shock of Emma's words, Regina watched the blonde retreat from the bathroom. Hastily she turned off the shower and exited the bathroom in pursuit of the blonde. Upon entering the bedroom, she found Emma hastily dressing in whatever she could get her hands on from the bedside cabinets.
"Emma.."
The blonde didn't bother to turn around, Regina sighed and quickly dressed in the laid out clothes on the bed. With a watchful eye, Regina tried again.
"Emma.."
The blonde ignored her as she disappeared into the walk in wardrobe and retrieved two suitcases. Dumping them on the bed, Emma opened all of the drawers that contained Regina's clothes and started to hastily empty the drawers one by one into the two suitcases. The brunette purposely stood in the blonde's path.
"Stop!" Regina shouted, grabbing the pile of clothes out of the blondes hands.
Glaring at the brunette, Emma turned back to the drawers and continued to empty them hastily. Regina dropped the pile of clothes she was holding on the bed and attempted to take a hold of Emma's hands. The blonde flinched as she stepped away from her wife.
"Don't you dare touch me!" Emma spat.
Holding her hands up in defence, Regina spoke. "Okay, will you just stop and look at me."
Emma glared at the brunette as she held her ground.
Regina rubbed her eyes with the palm of her hands as she walked in tight circles in front of the blonde. "I'm so sorry, Em." Regina eventually murmured.
Emma's eyes narrowed. "You're sorry? You're sorry!? Regina what the fuck? I want to know why!"
The brunette sighed deeply as she sat back on the bed; her eyes never left the blonde. "I don't know why? It just happened. Before I knew it, I was kissing her..."
"Bullshit, Regina! You had conditions. No names. No personal information. That tells me you knew exactly what was happening. You willingly entered into an affair but to assuage you're guilt you decided to hide that part of you." Emma hissed.
Regina lowered her head, she had nothing to say. Emma was right, she had done exactly that. There was no other reason. Emma disappeared into the walk in wardrobe and continued to dump the brunette's clothes in the cases. As she appeared for the second time at the cases, Emma finally murmured something.
"What?" Regina glanced up and looked to the blonde.
"I said. Do you still love me?" Emma was trying hard to keep her tears at bay, she didn't want breakdown in front of Regina.
Regina took a deep breath. "I can try…"
Emma gasped, she wasn't expecting that answer. Suddenly losing her nerve, the tears started to flow. Backing away from the suitcases, she silently walked out the room and disappeared down the stairs.
Regina clenched her eyes shut. Fuck!
She finally stood and followed the blonde down the stairs, finding her in the kitchen. Emma was leant over the kitchen island, her eyes focused on the opposite wall. The tears still flowed. Regina cautiously entered the kitchen; she didn't say anything as she retrieved two mugs from the cabinet and silently went about prepping the coffee machine. Emma didn't acknowledge the brunette presence.
A mug of steaming coffee was finally placed in front of the blonde. Regina kept her distance on the opposite side of the kitchen. Emma licked her lips as she automatically picked up the mug and took a sip.
"Emma, tell me how to fix this..I'll do anything. Therapy. We can go together…" Regina's words trailed off.
The blonde glanced at the brunette but remained silent.
"I'll ring someone today, set up an appointment." She picked up her mobile, ready to dial a number on Emma's say so. "This..our marriage is worth saving.."
Emma scoffed loudly to herself as she placed the mug of coffee down on the counter top. "Regina our marriage is over. You made sure of that when you fucked Merida!"
"Emma please.." Regina pleaded.
"No, Regina. Just stop kidding yourself. You did this. You ruined our marriage. What's the point? I asked you if you loved me still and you reply with I'll try. That tells me everything I need to know.."
"But I will, I'll do anything. I need you, Emma." Regina stepped closer to the blonde.
Emma shook her head as she pushed herself away from the kitchen island and turned to the brunette. "I can't even look at you anymore. Get the fuck out of my life!" She brutally seethed.
~()~
As the days went on, Regina sunk deeper and deeper into her own personal hell. She had hardly ventured outside the studio in two weeks. Only making the short trip every few days to purchase more whiskey from the local liquor store. The same one where she first met the red head.
And in those two weeks, she never once heard from Emma. She had lost count of how many times a day she would phone the blonde, only to be met with Emma's voice mail message telling her to leave a name and number after the beep. Each and every time, Regina asked the blonde to return her call. But it never happened.
So Regina drank. It was all she could do to ease the pain she had caused herself.
Then one night after two weeks of no contact, Regina's phone started to ring. The brunette scrambled to her feet and retrieved her mobile from her workbench. Flipping open her phone, Emma's name flashed on the tiny screen.
Regina's fingers fumbled hastily as she pushed the green button. "Emma..." She husked.
She was initially met with silence before Emma's soft voice replied. "Regina, we need to talk."
The brunette ran her fingers nervously through her dishevelled hair and nodded expectedly. "Yes, we do. I can come over…"
She was met with silence again.
"Emma?"
"Um..actually..no..It would be better if you didn't. I am only ringing out of courtesy before you receive your mail tomorrow."
Regina's brows furrowed. "My mail? I don't understand.."
Emma sighed loudly into the phone. "Regina. I have filed for divorce…"
"Emma…No, please don't do this. We can work this out. I will do anything." Regina urgently pleaded as she once again met with silence from the other end of the line. "Emma?"
"Have you stopped drinking?" Emma's voice was weak.
Regina could lie but she knew that Emma would see through it. The blonde had a knack of knowing when the brunette was lying. She sighed deeply. "No…" she murmured as she placed the half empty bottle of whiskey back down on the edge of the long wooden work bench.
"Then we can't work this out." Emma murmured.
"I will stop. I will do that for you..for Henry.." Regina insisted.
"Regina it is too late. If you cared about me and Henry you would have stopped drinking years ago. Actually that was what I also wanted to talk to you about. Henry has been asking for you but I don't think it is a good idea at the moment. I don't want his impression of you to change."
"What? I don't understand…" Regina's brows furrowed.
Emma sighed loudly. "He idolizes you Regina. Always has, always will. I think it is for the best that I file for sole custody and perhaps over time allow you supervisory rights…"
"Supervisory rights? What the fuck, Emma! He is my son!" Regina gritted her teeth.
Emma could hear the aggression in the brunette's voice. "No Regina he is my son! I am being civil about this, but if you force my hand…"
"Civil? Emma you practically threw me out of our house! You haven't returned any of my calls and now you're telling me I will eventually have supervisory rights to my son. That is hardly being civil." Regina scoffed.
"Regina, I didn't need to make this phone call. My solicitor advised me not to but…" Emma paused slightly. "I couldn't do that to you. Even after everything you have done to us." She paused again. "To me. I just couldn't do it.."
"How noble of you, dear.."
Emma sighed deeply. "Regina I don't want to fight.."
"But you will have a fight on your hands if you take my son away from me, Emma!" Regina countered.
"Regina, I'm going to hang up now, you're obviously been drinking. This conversation is over." Emma said through gritted teeth. She was trying hard not to lose her temper.
"That's it; throw it back in my face! Yes I have been drinking, Emma." Regina said sarcastically.
A moment later the other end of the line went dead. Emma had hung up on the brunette.
Regina contemplated ringing the blonde back instantly but she knew that it would serve no good. Emma was unlikely to pick up. So instead she quickly typed out a message and sent it without hesitation. Her phone beeped a matter of minutes later.
Flipping open her phone, she read Emma's message.
You have no idea what I am capable of! See you in Court.
Regina flipped the cover of her phone shut and huffed annoyingly to herself as she gripped the phone tightly in her left hand before throwing it with all the strength she had at the white washed brick wall of her studio. The mobile phone smashed against the brick work breaking into several pieces. Sighing to herself as she walked towards it, she bent down along the way and picked up the pieces.
Gathering the broken bits in her hands she walked back to the long wooden table that sat along the far wall of her studio and tossed the bits on the table. Turning her attention to the freshly developed prints that were lined up at the far end of the table, she gathered them up one by one in her hands and tucked them under her arms as she grabbed the plastic shallow tray and the half empty bottle of whiskey that sat squarely on the edge of the table. Placing the tray and whiskey down in the centre of the room, she started tossing the photos in the direction of the tray as her eyes skimmed over each photograph. As she came to the last one, she stopped. It was a photograph of Emma and their son, Henry. Both were smiling widely into the camera. Tracing her fingers over both their faces, she held the photo tightly in her hands as she looked to the pile of discarded photographs; they were all exactly the same. Emma and Henry smiling into the camera. The edges of the photograph started to bend as Regina tightened her grip.
"FUCKKKKKKKKKK!" She screamed out, as the sound reverberating off all four walls.
Tears now freely flowed as she clutched the photograph to her chest. She'd caused this; she caused the situation she now found herself in.
Alone.
Regina necked the bottled of whiskey. Wincing in disgust as the warm liquid travelled down her throat and hit her empty stomach. Looking at the bottle in her hand and then to the table she poured some of the whiskey over the table. Turning around she slowly walked back to the scattered photographs and sprinkled the last remnants over the photos. She turned quickly and threw the bottle at the brick wall; she didn't even react to it smashing into a thousand pieces. Reaching into back pocket of her jeans, she looked at the small red throw-away lighter and flicked the wheel, watching the flint spark as she strolled back to the table. Following the dripping liquid as it flowed off the table onto to the floor, she squatted down beside the liquid trail. She watched the natural flow head towards the centre of the room.
All it would take was one spark from the lighter. The flame would travel gradually to the photos and also to the table. Symbolic of how her life was, really.
One side her family. Representing all that was good in her life.
The other, was where her devil laid bare. Tempting and seducing her to re-acquaint their friendship.
What did she have left to lose? Nothing now, she'd lost it already.
Flicking the wheel, she watched the spark light the liquid and roar to life in the shape of a flame.
And that was the moment when Regina realised she had finally gone too far.
~()~
Emma looked at items on the wooden tray. A bowl of soup, napkin, spoon and a cup of tea. All checked off the mental list in her head. But there was one thing missing. Glancing out the French doors to the potted plants that sat on the wooden deck, she realised the tray needed a bit of colour. Regina would appreciate that small detail. A twig from her lavender plant would finish it off.
Rummaging through the utensil drawer, she grabbed the scissors and went out to her beloved potted lavender. Snipping a twig, she half skipped back into the kitchen and placed the twig on the tray next to napkin. Admiring her handy work, she smiled to herself. That would do just nicely.
Picking up the tray, she hurriedly walked out of the kitchen, up the stairs and to their bedroom. Nudged the door open with her hip, she stood in the doorway and glanced over to their king sized bed. Regina was snuggled under the duvet; sleeping soundly. Quietly she padded across the wooden floor and placed the tray down on the bedside cabinet. Tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, she gently ran her fingers down the side of the brunette's sleeping face.
Regina's face twitched by the touch.
Emma glanced over at the clock. It was getting late in the afternoon. She would need to wake Regina up, encourage her to eat something and then leave her to pick up their son from school. Crouching down low beside the bed, Emma reached out and pushed the brunette's hair away from her face. Regina's eyes fluttered open and focused on the blonde.
"I've made you soup." Emma said, glancing over to the wooden tray.
Regina's eyes followed the blondes and rested on the tray.
"Thank you." Regina whispered, pushing herself up and resting her head against the head board.
Glancing up at the clock, Regina realised she'd been asleep for the last four hours.
Emma's gaze drifted across the bed to the discarded used tissues that was scattered over it. "Feeling any better?" she asked.
Regina nodded slightly. "The soup will help."
The blonde picked up the tray and placed it on the brunette's lap. "It's chicken noodle soup. I need to pick Henry up from school."
Regina's gaze lingered on the blonde before settling back onto the tray. Picking up the spoon and scooping up some soup, she brought it to her lips. "I don't deserve this, Emma."
Emma remained silent. Regina was right, what she had done to her was beyond excusable.
But what Emma had witnessed two nights ago was a desperate woman who had fallen so hard, so deep into her own personal ending the phone call with Regina, Emma had a feeling that the brunette was going to do something to harm herself. She wasn't exactly sure what but she knew if she didn't stop the brunette quickly, she would no doubt find herself as a widow before the nights end.
When she arrived at the studio, she hoped that she wasn't too late. A small crowd of people gathered together in the centre of the cobbled square as they watched smoke billow from 'The White House' roof. The distant sirens of the fire engines grew louder as they approached the area. Emma needed to know that Regina wasn't still in the building. Racing up the external stairs, she kicked open the front door to the studio and disappeared inside.
Finding Regina slumped against the floor near the front door; she hastily pulled the brunette out of the studio. A couple of men from the crowd raced up the stairs and helped Emma carry Regina away from the burning building.
The next few hours were a complete blur for the blonde. Regina and herself had been whisked away in an ambulance to the nearest hospital for medical treatment. Emma remembered being separated from Regina for hours only to be reunited early hours of the next morning. A doctor had informed Emma that her wife was now stable. She had been very lucky only to suffer from smoke inhalation.
"No you don't. Goodbye Regina." Emma said, closing the door behind her.
Regina's gaze finally left the closed door after a long while. She knew that was the moment Emma was leaving her for good.
In the end, it is not the days or the years that we remember, but the moments – Kobi Yamada
A/N ~ So there you have it the last chapter of Moments of the Heart. Although the story may have finished here with a not so happy ending, it does give us a good starting point for the next story in this series, Admissions of the Heart.
If you haven't already, you may want to read the little 2 chapter scene story, "Elevator Scene - Admissions of the Heart." It will give you a little sneak peak as to what to expect in the third and final story of this series. Before people start asking, no I haven't written it yet but it's definitely been planned and started. Just watch this space for when it will published.
I must also express my absolute gratitude for everyone who has supported this story, be it just reading, reviews, follows or favourites. Your support means the absolute world to me and I am truly grateful for every single one of you out there who has given me and this story a chance. I hope I have done it some justice. :)
Thank you so much. ~ RamblingtowardsEcstasy