Never fear. This isn't going to turn into a grief fest. Action is upcoming and other junk. Tried to think of real funerals and grieving. I see a lot of death stories where they sit around beating their chests and snuggling in hammocks after a death. I can't recall that ever happening in real life. At least in my family. Thankfully. Death is much more boring than that.

Master Splinter greeted April and Casey as they stood in the entry of the lair, wondering where everyone had gone. It was so quiet and dark. Only lit with candles. Splinter was wearing a black kimono that she had never seen before. "Thank you both for coming. And also thank you for waiting until…"

"You guys needed some time alone. I get that," Casey said. She rubbed his back. He could be so understanding sometimes. Her first instinct was to fly down to the lair and kiss all the boys and ask them if they were okay and look at Leo's precious body before it was gone. But Casey held her back. They needed space, he said.

"Is he in the lab?" she asked, her voice thick from perpetual tears.

"Yes," Splinter said, looking behind him at the doorway. It was open a crack and more soft candlelight shown through. "I am proud of Raphael and the work he has done."

"Work?" she asked.

"It is the duty of the oldest son to do all the funeral preparations. He dressed Leonardo and prepared him and also the candles and the altar and would not accept any help from any of us. For he is now my oldest son." Splinter's eyes glossed over with tears.

Her heart ached. She knew that a ritual bathing was part of the Japanese funeral ritual that Splinter designed in case anything happened to them. And Raph had done it all himself. She couldn't believe it. She expected to find the lair in shreds and Raph gone, never to be heard from again.

Casey took her hand and pulled her towards the lab. She hung back a second. Could she really see Leo's dead body? Sixteen and dead. Casey led the way and pushed open the lab door.

Leo was lying on the lab bed, dressed in a black kimono. He looked nearly angelic, if a green mutant can look angelic. Yes, they can, she thought. One of his katanas lay at his side.

The scientific part of her brain whirred to life and analyzed the slight smell of death in the air, masked by heavy incense and candle smoke. They needed to dispose of the body. It was easy to forget how quickly decay sets in. Most people never really experience death nowadays, she thought. The dead are handed off to a funeral home, embalmed, and put on display for a few hours. Maybe this was better. His brothers cleaning him and taking care of him since the second he died. Maybe it was worse.

April had never seen the boys so quiet. All three of them wore black kimonos identical to Leo's and none of them wore their bandannas. She almost couldn't tell them apart for a second. They sat in kitchen chairs lined up next to the bed. Raph's chair was only inches from the head of the bed. Don on his other side and Mikey at the end. A small table stood nearby covered in white flowers and other small trinkets from Leo's room. A Japanese fan. A print of some water lilies. She giggled through the mucus at the toy soldiers. The candlelight flickered on all of their faces. They looked ancient, like mythological creatures from a primitive dream.

All three sat up straight, staring ahead. Mikey snuffed quietly. Splinter moved past Casey and April as they lingered awkwardly in the doorway, Casey holding his midsection with both arms. Splinter laid his hand on Mikey's shoulder. Don's feet moved slightly under his robe. Raph didn't move in any discernable way. His eyes were half shut as if he could fall asleep sitting up. He was so still and calm. It was terrifying.

April went to Leo's bedside and all three of them followed her with their eyes. She stroked Leo's cold cheek. "Hey, handsome," she said.

Don rose from his chair and stood behind her, patiently waiting for his hug. She held him tightly, glad to feel one of them still warm.

Casey sat in Don's seat and punched Raph on the arm. He only flicked his eyes in his direction and ignored him. Casey couldn't stand silence. He said, "You guys throw a nice funeral. I've never been to a Japanese funeral before. I like it."

Raph growled, "This is a wake, dumbass." Why was he being so rude to Casey? He adored Casey.

"What's the difference?" Casey asked.

"I have to burn him at the funeral. The point of a wake is that we stay awake. We sit with him 'cause he'll be a pile of ashes tomorrow."

Mikey leaned over and said, so quietly that she could barely hear him, "This is our last time with him."

April wanted to hug Raph, but knew that he wouldn't accept it. Don put his arm around her waist and led her out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

"Snappy robes," she said, wiping her eyes.

He looked down at his kimono and gathered some of the loose material in his hand. "Yeah, we all made them ourselves. They're our funeral clothes." He blinked. "Obviously…"

"How did this happen! He was fine! He was sick, but he was fine!"

Don put his face in his hands and mumbled, "I don't know. I couldn't look. I couldn't… I can't cut him up." His breathing increased steadily with every word until he was crying steadily. "I don't want to know. I know a lot and I try to know things. I want to know everything. But I don't want to look around inside him and see what killed him. I don't want to know some things." He shook his head vigorously. "No, I'm not doing it." He brushed the tears away and breathed deeply a few times.

"How's Raph?"

"Fine… if you define fine as complete and total denial."

She looked back towards the lab. "How did he do all this by himself? I thought he would be devastated. I mean… I thought…"

Don looked at his feet and sighed. "I don't think he even realizes what happened yet. He knows it happened. But I don't think… He's just going through the motions. Doing whatever we tell him. He bathed Leo's body last night. Had to stuff his orifices with cotton."

April covered her mouth and shuddered.

"He'll feel it sooner or later. I don't know what to do when he does. There's no telling what he'll do."

They stared at each other in awkward silence. She knew she should say something comforting, but there was nothing to say. She didn't know if it would be okay. So they both went back into the lab.

Mikey was in Raph's arms, sobbing. Raph held him loosely, his eyes dead, staring straight ahead as if Mikey wasn't there. "I want Leo!" Mikey cried out pathetically into Raph's chest.

"We all do," Casey said, reaching over to pat Mikey's shell.

Mikey's grief was like a contagious disease and sobs burst out of April and Don simultaneously. Casey was on the verge of tears. Raph didn't notice. Still stared ahead over Mikey shoulder, his arm draped over his shell.

Splinter lit a candle that had died out and said, "Now, Michelangelo, you must control your weeping. For Leonardo's sake, remember? It is not good to grieve so hard. It will keep his spirit from rest. It will keep him here with us in our grief."

Mikey sat up, his chest heaving. "I'm… I'm… sorry, Father. I'll try… ha… harder."

Raph said, "We're going to burn him tomorrow. We're going to set him on fire. I have to stay up with him and then burn him tomorrow. I don't know what I'll do Friday."

She reached out and stroked his head. He didn't flinch. Something was seriously wrong with Raph. She said, "Have your cried, sweetheart?" It was such an awkward thing to ask, especially of Raph.

But he had already withdrawn again, staring at the wall. She couldn't stand to be near him and sat on Casey's other side in Mikey's vacated chair. Mikey stood next to the lab bed, holding Leo's hand. Don picked at the flowers on the altar.

And it was silent for an hour.

Splinter spoke and everyone turned to face him, expecting something important. "Raphael, you must water the flowers on the altar before long."

"I'm not watering the flowers." Very evenly. No malice. Just a statement.

"You must or they will wilt by the time of the funeral tomorrow." Splinter seemed too preoccupied to notice his son's insolence.

"I'm not watering the flowers."

He blinked a few times. "You will do as I say."

Raph watched the flowers as if they might jump up and attack him.

Casey said, "Hey, I wondered if I should bring my pictures I took at the farm. There're some good ones of Leo. He looks really cool in some of them. There's one where he has the pitchfork and he's pretending to spike April in the butt."

She leaned forward in her chair, her hands pressed between her knees. "Yeah, he was being pretty frisky that day. That's the day that he almost fell out of the hayloft when Don threw the football at him."

Raph looked up suddenly, as if he had just remembered an appointment. "I'm not watering the flowers."

Splinter's eyes narrowed at him, calculating the purpose behind his refusal. "Why is that, Raphael?"

He looked back at the wall.

"I'll do it," Mikey said, shuffling off towards the table.

Splinter reached out and caught his arm. "It is Raphael's task. He must do it."

Raph looked at the altar and sputtered, "I ain't… ain't… I ain't watering these fucking flowers. I ain't doing this. This is all useless!" He jumped to his feet and with only a few movements he turned over the altar table. The white flowers cascaded to the floor and the table crashed at his feet. "I'M NOT WATERING THESE FUCKING FLOWERS!"

Splinter's ears flattened. "And why is that?"

Raph's voice was high-pitched and fast. She had never heard that tone come out of him before and leaned back in her chair, her knees pressing her hands. "BECAUSE THIS IS ALL USELESS! THIS IS NOTHING! HE'S NOTHING! HIS SPIRIT! HE'S NOTHING BUT GARBAGE THAT WE HAVE TO GET RID OF! I HAD TO SMELL IT ALL DAY!"

Don grumbled in Japanese. Mikey's bloodshot eyes glanced in his direction.

"IT DON'T MATTER WHAT HE WANTED! THIS IS POINTLESS!

"Do you think the spirit is gone then, Raphael?" Splinter asked, in a steady voice. "Well, it does not matter what you think."

April looked curiously to Casey, who shrugged. It sounded so heartless. Completely unlike Splinter.

He said, "You know that these were Leonardo's wishes. He asked for these things. I have chosen you to have the honor of preparing him for whatever journey he is now on. He asked for so little for himself in life. We should give him what he wanted in death."

Raph's eyes dulled again. Retreated into himself. He knelt down and scraped the flowers off the floor slowly, his hands going over the same clean tracts of floor repeatedly.

April stayed for the wake. She couldn't leave them and sent Casey home, knowing he was uncomfortable. The quiet grieving. It wasn't his style. He didn't understand it. "They need their mother," he said, with a half-smile as he kissed her goodnight. He tried to engage Raph several more times and barely got an acknowledgement. He gave Mikey a man hug and thumped Don's arm on the way. Respectfully shook Splinter's hand. She felt like calling him back as soon as he left the room, but didn't say anything.

They moved another kitchen chair into the lab for her and put it in the row on Mikey's other side. Splinter meditated in the dojo.

"Why isn't he in here?" she asked Mikey.

Raph scoffed and they all looked down the line at him. "He's trying to talk to Leo. Go ahead. All he'll do is lie."

Don rubbed his eyes. "Lie?"

But he was quiet again. Watching the unmoving wall.

She had to say it. It would make them all cry. But she had to say it. "I keep thinking that I need to talk to Leo. I have this hurt…" She put her hand to her heart inarticulately. "And I always need to ask Leo because he's my big brother and he always knows what to do. But…"

Mikey actually smiled. "He's the one causing the hurt and he's not here to ask."

The clock ticked. Something in the lab made a small pop as the air cooled. Raph said, "Any of you going to talk at the funeral tomorrow?"

"I will," she said. "What about you?"

"I have to. It's my job."

Don looked into his lap and wrung the material of his kimono in his hands. "I don't think I want to. I'll just tell him… I'll talk to him…" Tears fell.

"I wish I could kill that bitch," Raph said. "Cut her up with his katana."

"You can't do that," Don said. "It was an accident."

"How do we know what it was!" Mikey said. "You wouldn't even look! We don't know what he had!"

"Do you want me to look?" she asked. She didn't want to look. Please don't make her examine him.

"Don't matter," Raph said. "You guys should go eat."

Don and Mikey mindlessly obeyed him. No energy to argue. April followed, although she had no desire to eat. She hung back and shut the door with the sole purpose of watching through the crack in the wood.

As soon as the door shut, Raph's eyes left the wall and went to Leo. He stood up and laced their hands together, imitating a grip.

"We got a big day tomorrow, Fearless," he said. Flat. No emotion. "You're such a fucking liar. Maybe you don't keep your promises. But I do." He smoothed out the front of Leo's kimono. "Better look good." He muttered under his breath in Japanese. Then he did the most unexpected thing. He leaned down and kissed Leo on the forehead and sat down and stared at the floor, sighing. Totally still and dead again. She blinked. Had he ever shown that much affection to Leo? To anyone? Trust Raph to kiss his loved ones only after they were dead.

Mikey spooned soggy cereal in a bowl and leaned on his hand while Don chewed slowly. "Think Leo's with our ancestors of the Hamato clan like Sensei says?" Mikey asked. "Like he's wandering around on a cloud with Master Yoshi and Tang Shen and everybody. Bossing them around and telling them not to walk too close to the clouds' edge because they could fall off or be seen by a Jet or something."

"I don't know," Don said with his mouthful.

"Or do you think maybe he's still with us," Mikey said. He let the cereal plop off his spoon and into his milk. "You know, watching out for us like an uptight guardian angel. Shaking his head and making that tisk sound between his teeth that drives me up the wall." Tears gathered in her eyes again. He still hadn't learned to refer to Leo in past tense.

April said, snuffing, "Well, I would be worried that he was following me around and judging me all the time. He'd be able to see all the stuff I could hide from him when he was alive. He'd know that I don't really recycle. I just put stuff in the little recycle bins and then toss it in the garbage."

Don kicked her playfully under the table. "I'm telling."

"I think I'll make his favorite food for tomorrow. I should do that." Mikey leaned his chin in his hands and his eyes woke up a little. More alive.

April gave his wrist a squeeze since she couldn't reach his hand. "That's a sweet idea, but I don't think any of us will want to eat much."

They both finished their cereal while she watched them slowly eat, trying to remember the last time she saw Leo eating cereal. Maybe she could have his green tea bags. Put them in her clothes drawer and make her clothes smell like him.

"We should get out Leo's phone and invite Emma. She was in love with him, I guess. It was her sex that killed him after all," Mikey said, in a groaning voice, pouting out his lip at the prospect.

Don's spoon clinked as he finished. "I tried. Nobody answered. It's weird to think… he was in love and somebody loved him."

"Of course somebody loves him," April said. "We all loved him. And we're all here. Where is she?" Her arms and legs shook and she crossed her legs and arms to hide it. "If she loves him so much, she should answer when he calls. Or call him back after she sleeps with him. I think she was just a user. She took advantage of him and his innocence."

Mikey rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry, April, but we aren't five years old. He's a big boy."

Don yawned. "Yeah, he knew how babies are made. At least human babies. I wonder if she got pregnant if she'd lay eggs or have a baby or maybe lay a baby or lay one really big egg."

"Maybe she's pregnant!" Mikey said, sitting up straight. "Maybe she's knocked up and that's why she won't answer. And then in a few years she'll wander down here to the lair with his kid and say she's too sick to care for him and tell us to raise him as our own and his name is Leon, after Leo and then she'll die. And we'll adopt him and raise him."

Don said, "I haven't slept too well since it happened…"

Mikey sank in his chair as he was ignored.

"…I mean since Leo got laid, not since he died. I keep dreaming about this big black bird coming to get me. I don't know if it's because Raph told me to look it up or if it was some kind of foreboding. Like I was subconsciously thinking something bad would happen."

Mikey gathered up their bowls and put them quietly in the sink.

"Maybe it was an omen," she said. "Maybe a death omen. Why did Raph want you to look it up?"

He shrugged. "I forgot. I'll look it up after the funeral."

And they went back to the lab and found Raph sitting in his chair, with Leo's katana across his lap.