Disclaimer: I do not own the show,Glee nor the characters. Just this story.
It's just a dinner. A dinner with a very good, old friend who just happens to be in town. Maybe if she repeats the words a few more times, Rachel thinks, she'll start to believe them.
Except that it really is only dinner with a good friend. She's just not sure why she found it necessary to lie to Nate about it.
In all honesty, though, she hadn't intended to lie. When she was leaving the house, it kind of just slipped out that she was "going out to dinner after rehearsal with one of her friends from the musical" instead of the truth, which was that she was going out to dinner with Finn Hudson.
She hadn't intended for all of this to be so awkward, either. They'd been in touch for a long while now; exchanging both heartfelt confessions and tidbits of nothing important through email for over a year now. And to her surprise, not one of those emails had been awkward or strained – words just flowed between the two of them due to the chemistry and connection they both knew they'd had from the first time they met.
But here, sitting at Lulu's, she's so beyond sure that things have never been more awkward between the two. He's the same old Finn, full of funny comments and conversations that bring out the worst of nostalgia from her. She's just simply too nervous and antsy to involve herself in those conversations like she knows she should. It seemed that after his fourth attempt at a conversation, he'd just given up and had resorted to mindless small-talk.
"So, how's your show going?"
"How's Nate?"
"How's the weather been?"
But when she'd responded with one word answers, he'd given up on that as well, resorting to constantly filling his mouth with food in order to avoid being able to speak words at all.
"So," Rachel begins after two minutes of deafening silence, "how long are you here for?"
"I'm not really sure. I'm here for some job interviews, so I guess it depends on how they go and stuff." Finn was fibbing, Rachel could tell. But she decided to ignore that as she picked up her purse, taking one last bite of her tofu something or other. The strained conversation was getting to be too much for her. And honestly, all she wanted right now was a drink or two so she could stop being so damn awkward and actually talk to this man in front of her, who she used to have no problem at all conversing with prior to this.
"You know what? I'm kind of over the food here. Why don't we head out to the bar next door? It's a lovely little place."
She suppresses a giggle as she catches the surprised look etched on Finn's face. She knew soon, after a drink, she'd get over her awkwardness and then, finally, they could enjoy their night … as two friends should.
Finn had been a little surprised when Rachel had accepted his invitation to dinner with such excitement. He's not exactly sure what kind of response he was expecting, but what he'd gotten had left him pretty damn content.
He'd been even more surprised when she had politely declined his offer of bringing Kurt and Nate along too, if she wanted. "I see those two all of the time! I want to hang out with you and just you tonight!" she'd said.
But now … now, sitting here at some weird vegan restaurant that had dim lights and weird Korean music playing in the background, he kind of wished that he did bring Kurt along with him (though nothing would be awkward enough for Finn to wish Nate was with him. It wasn't that he had a problem with him, exactly. He was simply just … jealous? Yeah. He was jealous of him, that's all).
"So, you got my email about Quinn and all of that drama?" He asks her, hoping to get a conversation going like the ones they'd had through email.
To his displeasure, she simply nodded her head before bringing her glass of water to her lips, effectively ending that conversation right there.
"I found all of these old pictures the other day," he starts again, "there were so many pictures from Glee Club and like, the summers in between. And then I found this old video tape when I was packing up my apartment before coming here and … oh man. It's from one of our Glee Club competitions. Sectionals sophomore year, maybe? Or was it junior year? I'm not really sure, but God. I was an awful dancer. Who even let me stand on that stage?"
He's looking forward to her bursting out about some Glee Club memory or something, but instead, she just chuckles a little, which really just comes out more strained than anything else and remains quiet.
He's basically given up on trying to make actual conversation at all and has resorted to making just small talk in hopes of making her just a little bit less timid when she suddenly stands up, grabbing her purse and sliding a fifty on to the table.
"You know what? I'm kind of over the food here," she says. "Why don't we head out to the bar next door? It's a lovely little place."
Well, he thinks, maybe a few drinks are all they need to get back into their normal routine of endless conversation. He'd try anything at this point, anyway.
Rachel is five shots in only thirty minutes later, and God, she can't seem to stop talking. She'd gone in with the intentions of only drinking a beer, maybe two. But dammit, her intentions and her actions really were not matching up today.
"But then Kurt and I found out that he wasn't even gay! He just had an impeccable taste in fashion!" Rachel spit out in between fits of giggles, recalling an old memory of their once-upon-a-time gay best friend, who really turned out to be straight.
She watched as Finn's face crumbled as he began shaking with laughter, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. This, she realized. This was what she missed so much. Just hanging out with Finn, her best friend. Laughing about old memories while making new ones. Feeling comfortable just talking about nothing for hours and hours.
It also helped that Finn downed just as many shots as she had, if not more.
They soon lapsed into a comfortable silence as Rachel rested her head on Finn's shoulder, swinging her legs up into his lap.
"God, I am so exhausted! This was so much fun, Finn! We should definitely do this again!"
He nodded, picking up his hand to check his watch. "You know, it's getting pretty late. I should probably get you home. Don't want Nate to get worried about you, no do we?"
Nate, she remembered. Nate, her fiance. Who she'd lied to earlier so that she could go out with Finn, her ex-boyfriend. Why had she done that, again? Why hadn't she just told him the truth? Even better question, why hadn't she just brought him along when Finn had answered?
She supposed the low, rumbling, flip-floppy feeling in her chest every time her skin came into contact with Finn's would be the answer to both.
She slowly got up, making sure she made no sudden movements that would result in her falling right back down, or worse, puking all over the damn bar. She could feel Finn's large hand resting on the small of her back as he guided her towards the exit, and that feeling in her chest erupted again. God, this was so screwed up. She shouldn't … no, she couldn't be feeling like this. Not right now, not for him.
She watched as Finn walked toward the curb of the sidewalk, attempting to hail a cab.
"Hey Finn," she called out. "You think we could walk home? I need some air." He simply nodded, walking back to where she was standing, and without thinking about it, she grabbed his hand. She expected him to pull back, tell her to walk at a five foot distance from him, or something, the way her head was telling her to do. But instead, he simply squeezed it a little before asking her which way her apartment was.
"This way!" She said, pointing to the right. Or was it … "No, no! This way. I think it's this way." She said, changing directions and heading towards the left.
"You sure you know which way you're going, Rach?" Finn asked, chuckling as she skipped to keep in pace with his larger strides.
"Absolutely! See that restaurant? Kurt and I used to eat there all the time! Until one day, we both got some bad food poisoning and then, we never went back!" She was almost singing her words; she was pretty sure, as she pointed to a small restaurant across the street.
"And that Starbucks? I always used to Skype you from there! I'm sure if we went in, you'd recognize it immediately. Although I highly doubt it's open considering it's…" she pulled out her cell phone from the pocket of her skirt, pressing the ignore button when she realized the three missed calls she had from Nate, "it's 2:00 am. Wow. I didn't even realize it was that late."
Finn laughed, pulling her in a little bit closer as the wind seemingly grew colder. "Yeah, time flies when you're having fun." He paused. "That's the saying, right?"
Rachel let out a little laugh. Typical Finn. Constantly doubting himself. "Yeah, it is."
"Okay!" Rachel said, stopping in front of a building. "This is my apartment! Thanks for walking me, Finn."
A look of confusion washed over Finn's face, and for some inexplicable reason, it released yet another fit of giggles from Rachel. "What? Why do you look like … that?"
"Rach, I'm pretty sure this is Kurt's apartment. Not yours."
Rachel looked up at the building, clarity dawning on her. "Oh. I … I forgot I don't live here anymore." A wave of sadness suddenly washed over her, because sometimes she just missed living with Kurt so much. How did she get to her apartment from here, anyway?
"Look," Finn said, breaking her train of thought (that she had to admit, was going nowhere) "Why don't you just come upstairs, and I'll give you some water and stuff so you can sober up a bit before I take you home? Plus, I like, really have to pee."
Water. Peeing. Stuff. God, that all sounded so fabulous right now, Rachel thought, as she followed Finn up into Kurt's apartment.
What started out with sitting on the couch to rest their feet for a bit soon turned into cuddling on the couch while watching Friends re-runs, which somehow turned into making out on the couch.
Finn could feel Rachel's body press into his as he gently bit her bottom lip, remembering she always liked it when he got just a little bit rough. Her hands tugged at his hair as he laid them down on the couch, positioning himself so that he was hovering right above her. He kissed the parts of her neck he knew she always liked, grinning when he got a positive response from her.
He felt her tug at his shirt, and he slipped it off, letting it fall to the ground. Kurt wouldn't be home tonight anyway, so it's not like he'd complain about the mess. Yeah, 'cuz that's the first thing he'd complain about if he walked into his living room this very second, Finn thought.
He could feel her lips moving slowly down his chest as his pants got tighter and tighter, and soon, her hands were on the waistband of his pants, fumbling with the zipper.
He shrugged his pants of, sliding his hands under shirt, letting her boobs come into contact with his hands. He felt her hands on his just before she stuck her hands up, ordering him with her eyes to help her take the thin material off of her body.
He reached behind, and messily unhooked her bra, letting it fall behind her.
He stared at her naked boobs, and God, it had been so long since he'd been graced by this perfect sight, it made his body tingle in the un-manliest way possible.
"Rach, I've missed you. So much." The words kind of slip out as he pulls his face from hers, and he's afraid of the response he's going to get because … what if this is just meaningless for her? What if this is just a hook-up; nothing special. He suddenly regrets saying the words because to him … to him, this is so much more than just a hook-up. This is him loving the woman he's thought of everyday for a number of years now. This is what he came all the way to New York for. This is all he's dreamed of for too long now.
A tiny spark ignites in him as she lets out a little content smile, "me too, Finn."
And suddenly, his lips are back on hers and it's more passionate, more heavy than before. In a haze of lust, the rest of their clothes find themselves accompanying the previously discarded clothes on the floor.
"Condom?" Rachel whispers into Finn's ear and he reaches for his wallet that's lying in the middle of the coffee table.
She tugs it out of his hand before he can open it, and gently rolls it up his penis, blowing a soft kiss at the tip once she's done, before trailing her way upwards with tiny kisses until she meets his lips.
He flips her over effortlessly, because really, it's not like she's grown in the last couple of years.
He watches as she shifts uncomfortably under him, and he stops what he's doing immediately. "You okay, Rach?"
"I just … I haven't been … intimate with anyone, not like this, I mean, since we … since we did it." She's turning crimson and fumbling with her words and he feels a combination of relief and confusion wash over him.
"You mean … You mean you never did it with Nate?"
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He can't believe he just said that. He can't … He just wants to go bang his head on a fucking wall because, fuck, he just messed up everything, didn't he?
Nate. Shit. Nate. Her fiancé. Nate.
God, what the hell was she doing? What was she doing in her ex-roommates apartment, about to have sex with her ex-boyfriend?
Suddenly, Rachel felt like the scum of the earth. This was wrong. This was so, so wrong. Nate didn't deserve this.
Rachel could see the hurt and confusion in Finn's eyes as she pushes him off, mumbling "I'm sorry, I have to go. I shouldn't have … I'm so sorry," before slipping her shirt, skirt and shoes on, stuffing her underwear and bra in her purse before running out of the apartment.
Shit. She can't believe what she just did. How was she going to explain this to Nate?
A/N: Hi guys! Okay, so this was my awkwardly terrible attempt at writing some sort of smut. I epically failed, I know :x Also, I don't condone cheating I just ... I had to :x :x Allllso, I know I say this all the time, but I really am going to try to spew out some more chapters faster so I can finish this because I outlined a new fic the other day, and am BEYOND excited to write it! But I want to finish this one first so … yeah. Alright, hope you all enjoyed!
BTW guys, the day I get to a 100 reviews, I'm throwing a huge freaking finchel party and you're all invited! :)
Until next time …