Sweet Regret

By Andie O'Neill

Summary: In a moment of weakness John and Elizabeth find themselves in bed together, but when Sheppard and Teyla must rely on each other for more than six years before escaping slavery, Elizabeth must deal with their romantic relationship while trying to keep a secret from Sheppard that could change everything. (Sparky!)

Rating: T

Genre: Romance/Angst (Some humor)

A/N: Well, we're getting closer and closer to the end here guys, but in the meantime, you know you guys love me! Review, especially considering I wrote this especially so you guys could get a little break after how much I've been torturing you all! ;)

Chapter Ten

It had felt like forever when they finally reached the mainland, rushing to Halling's home to treat Emily Weir. Carson had immediately gone to check on Emily, taking her temperature and everything else. "She's ice cold," Carson noted with a frown.

"She was shivering for quite a while, but she just stopped. We've tried everything to keep her warm… nothing seemed to work," Jinto told the Doctor, standing by his side.

"Has she woken up since she collapsed?" Elizabeth asked her voice shakier than John had ever heard it.

Jinto looked up at her. "She's been falling in and out of consciousness. We've barely gotten a word in before she's passed out again, though."

"What about the animal that bit her?" Sheppard asked, folding his arms.

This time it was Halling that answered. "We have search parties that volunteered to look for the creature my daughter described."

"I need to take some blood, analyze her blood work and see if any kind of poison has been injected into her system. Seconds are going to count, we need to take her back to Atlantis… now," Carson said, checking her pulse again. "Her pulse is weak and getting weaker by the second."

John nodded, gathering the young child into his arms gently. "Then let's get going," he spoke without determination. Elizabeth stood by his side to stay as close to Emily as possible. Carson nodded, hurrying ahead with Sheppard behind him.

"Is she going to be alright?" Jinto asked, following next to Carson while his father stayed behind.

"I don't know lad, but I swear I'll do everything in my power to help her," the Scottish Doctor told him.

Jinto stopped, watching them go on ahead, nodding his understanding.

Barely paying attention to anything around him except his goal to get to the jumper, John looked down at Emily, stepping into the ship. "Come on kiddo, stay with us," he whisper to her, holding her just a little tighter before setting her down on the bench in the back. Elizabeth sat down beside Emily, raising her daughters head so it could be propped up on her mother's lap. John stood for a second, making sure they were ready before he jumped into the pilot's seat, Carson sitting in the chair beside them as they hurried off.

"What's taking them so long!" Will said once more, pacing the jumper bay as he waited for news. They'd left only twenty minutes ago and he was starting to worry. What if they didn't get there in time? What if Emily was already gone? What if he'd never see the child who'd brought such color to his life… to everyone's life? Emily was important to Atlantis. All who'd watched her grow from the little baby she'd been, to the already intelligent and unique little girl she now was had come to love her. It was hard not too… if Emily were to die… he didn't want to even think of what it would do to everyone… to him, and to Elizabeth.

"I am sure young Emily will be fine," Teyla assured him.

"She's a tough kid… been through plenty since she was born. She'll pull through," Ronan said next, although it seemed even he barely believed it. That wasn't a good sign.

Will cursed under his breath, looking back at the two before him. "This is a damned nightmare," he muttered, rubbing his face.

"Mom?" came the weak groan from Emily as she slowly opened her eyes. Carson was quick to his feet, running over beside the young girl.

"I'm here sweetie! I'm right here! You'll be back on Atlantis soon; Carson's going to take good care of you."

"Aye, just as I always do," he added, stroking her cheek. "How do you feel?" he asked.

"Cold… pain…" Emily tried to get out, coughing hard. "Sore all over… head hurts…" she added, closing her eyes.

"Chills, headache, aches… sounds similar to the flu," Carson spoke, looking up at Elizabeth.

"Could the animal's venom really act this quickly?"

"It was injected straight into her blood stream… what worries me is the symptoms. This isn't usual for a simple venom bite… as soon as I take a look at her blood work I should have an answer. In the meantime I'll get a blanket to help keep her warm."

Elizabeth nodded, watching as the Doctor laid a blanket from the back over Emily as she slowly fell back into unconsciousness. She didn't bother to wipe the tears from her eyes, focusing everything on the child lying in her arms. She couldn't lose her… she just couldn't.

"I'm fine you know… I mean, yeah it sucked seein' the kid like that, but I mean, I only met her days ago. You don't get attached to a person that quick," he spoke allowed, standing around in the quarters he and Teyla shared.

Teyla frowned, sitting on the bed as she watched him. "It is never easy to watch an innocent child suffer, especially when it affects those you care about."

"For all we know, she'll be perfectly fine! I mean, she could be beating someone at cards right now… she'll recover. Carson's a miracle worker anyway… so even if she doesn't get better on her own, he'll figure something out. He always does. It'll be fine."

Teyla watched, obviously aware that he wasn't as fine as he tried to be. "It's okay to be upset… you may not have known Emily well, but while you and I were in the infirmary she did seem to gravitate toward you," the Athosian noted, slowly standing up to stand behind him.

John looked away. "I'm fine, Teyla…."

"I'm sure you are… I'm just saying… it's okay NOT to be fine too."

"She called me her uncle… who after knowing a person for a couple of days at most considers you family? So she was told stories about me… she'd only met me a few days ago! Days, Teyla! Days, and yet… somehow… that was enough."

"Many of the children of my people came to look up to you, John. To Jinto you were a hero, he wished to be just like you when he was to grow up. Many of them did."

"She was different, Teyla… I don't know how… it just, felt different. When we came back here… it didn't feel like home anymore. Everyone was so different, everything was so different. She made it feel like home again. She made me feel like I… belonged here, like I still belonged here even after we'd been gone for so long."

Teyla rested her forehead against his shoulder, closing her eyes.

"I can't even imagine what Elizabeth must be going through… not even knowing for sure if your own child is gonna be okay. How do you deal with something like that? Emily's a good kid; she shouldn't be lying on an infirmary bed right now probably fighting for her life."

"In life, it is not always what should happen, that does happen."

Sheppard ran a hand through his hair, turning around to face Teyla, kissing her forehead. "It's been a long day… maybe you should turn in early… we have six years to make up for."

Teyla smiled at that, grabbing hold of his hand. "And what about you?"

"I think I'm just gonna stay up, wait for news about Emily. I doubt I could sleep anyway after everything…."

Teyla hesitated, but upon seeing the look in his eyes, she knew it was best to leave it for now. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah… don't worry, I'll be fine…."

Teyla gave a small nod before pulling back the covers and falling into the bed, closing her eyes to sleep.

John took a seat nearby, watching her fall into a slumber before his patience grew too thin and he grabbed his jacket and ran out the door, assured that Teyla was asleep. He needed to check on Elizabeth and Emily.

"This can't be right," Beckett whispered, staring at the test results from the blood he'd collected from Emily.

"What?" McKay asked, turning to look at him.

"These results. The venom is behaving more like the flu than like anything we'd see on Earth. It behaves more like a virus… as we speak it's breaking down her immune system, shutting it down the way you'd shut off a computer. The reason why she doesn't have a fever is because her body can't fight this virus. At first she had a fever, when it first entered her system, but it seems after a certain amount of time… less than an hour, the virus completely takes over, attacking her immune system. It we can't figure out a way to stop this… there's no way in hell that Emily has a chance to beat this thing."

Rodney jumped out of his chair, looking at the test results for himself. "We gotta do something! There has to be something we can use to stop this thing."

"I think our best bet is for the Athosians to find this animal… if they don't, I'll never be able to properly examine this venom."

McKay frowned, looking over at Carson. "Then we need to send anyone and everyone that could help find the creature that bit Emily. I'll speak with Lorne about sending some military willing to go hunting."

"These scans are going to take me all bloody night to go over properly… maybe you should go, get some rest and return in the morning."

"Emily's lying on what could be her death bed, Carson… I'm not going anywhere. This city is filled with Earth's greatest scientists, and I for one believe that that resource should be used to the max until we've found a cure."

Carson smiled at that, patting his shoulder. "We'll figure out something, Rodney. I know you care about what happens to Emily. All of us love the little monster… we'll find a way."

McKay just gave a forced smile in return, looking away. "Yeah…."

He stood awkwardly at the door at first, watching Elizabeth sitting beside her daughter, holding Emily's hand, a dark look in her eyes. He'd seen the same look on the flight back to Atlantis. She looked… lost. She'd obviously seen some things, been through things while he'd been gone, but he worried what would happen… would this be the thing to send her over the edge? He'd watched it happen before… that certain look in their eyes that said if they lost that family member, that husband, that wife… that they would die right along with them. He didn't want to see the fire in Elizabeth's eyes die; he didn't want to see her break.

John sighed, walking toward the bed slowly, watching Elizabeth's attention turn from Emily to him. "Where's Will?" he asked.

"He's in the back working with Carson and Rodney. Back on Earth Will used to live in Australia, his father worked with mostly poisonous snakes… Carson and Rodney figured they could use all the help they could get. He's almost an expert," she told him.

Somehow John wasn't really surprised… in everyway it had seemed that Will Parker was the perfect guy. Everyone on the damn city loved him. He had gifts… he was obviously a genius, spoke more languages than John could count while he still worked on mastering English... and that's the language he grew up with! "Expert you say?"

"His father worked closely with quite a few animals, and he knew his son was very interested in becoming an Archeologist. Learning about poisonous animals is practically a must if you want to choose a career where you'll be around those animals on almost a daily basis. Caves, desserts, forests… you have to know what's out there to have the kind of job he was looking for."

It made sense he supposed. John walked around the bed and took a seat next to Elizabeth, looking down at Emily.

"Will thought you'd come," she finally said, looking over at him. "It was the only reason why he was willing to leave me to help Carson and McKay."

Apparently he was psychic too. Oh joy, the man really was perfect. "Why would he think that?"

"I guess he figured you'd want to check on Emily… he knew you were pretty fond of her."

John shrugged. "She's a good kid; it's hard not being fond of her."

Elizabeth looked back at her daughter, her eyes watering at the state her daughter was in. She'd been trying so hard to be strong… she didn't want her daughter to wake up and see her crying, but she couldn't help it, John understood. Slowly, he took a chance and raised his arm up and around her, pulling her to him as her head rested on his shoulder and the tears slid down her face.

"They'll figure it out… Emily's a tough kid."

"This damn venom is behaving more like a virus than anything else… it's shutting down her immune system… once that happens…" Elizabeth couldn't finish, closing her eyes.

"Hey, don't think like that, don't you dare. It won't come to that. Emily will make it, she has to."

When she looked into his eyes he knew something was very wrong. "I'm sorry," she finally said, more tears spilling down her face. "I'm so sorry, John."

"Sorry for what?"

"It wasn't fair… me keeping the truth from you. God, I've been such a coward. I couldn't even face my own past! I just came up with excuse after excuse… you didn't deserve that. You don't even know! How could I have been so selfish?" Elizabeth paused for a second before moving from his arms, standing up and walking away a bit, turned away from him. "I don't deserve your comfort, John… not after how I've behaved."

John stood, more confused now than ever, walking toward her, staring at her back. "Elizabeth, what's wrong? What haven't you told me?"

Finally Elizabeth turned to face him, staring into his eyes. "Remember that night? The night before you left for that planet... the one that enslaved you?"

John looked away for a second, his mind floating to the night they'd made love. He still wasn't sure what had come over him… all he'd known was that he loved her… it was all that had mattered. "Yeah, of course I remember, hard not to… but what does that have to do with anything?"

Elizabeth paused, glancing past him at Emily. "I uh… I was on the pill at the time, it shouldn't have happened. The chances of it happening were so completely rare… I guess I should have expected that once again I'd find a way to do the impossible. Weeks after you went missing I started to notice something was wrong. I couldn't keep anything down, I felt tired all the time. It got worse and worse as time went by... dizzy spells... the works, but me being as stubborn as I am… I just had to ignore it… that is until I realized what it could be by the next month. A many months later… I had twins. Emily and Jonathan." Elizabeth stopped there, staring at him, waiting for his reaction.

As he realized what she was saying, he could feel his heart stop. Suddenly he felt numb all over, his eyes wide as he stared at her, unable to speak, or even move. It was like a connection between his brain and everything else had been cut and he couldn't gain control. "Twins?" Emily was a twin? He was a father? That night… they'd made twins? He wasn't sure his mind could process it all, almost frozen itself with a shock that give anyone older a heart attack. "I'm a… a… father?"

Elizabeth walked past him, standing beside Emily, tears practically dripping down her face. Suddenly he heard the sob, and got enough control to turn around.

Elizabeth stared down at her child, imprisoned in the plastic box, only surviving through life-support. "How long," she'd asked, trying to keep control.

"A year at most…not much longer than that. It's amazing enough he wasn't stillborn. I'm so sorry, Elizabeth. We're trying to get a hold with the Tok'ra… or at least the Asguard… but with the war against the Ori being what it is… the chances of finding someone to heal him…." He didn't say anymore, he really didn't have to. "Emily is doing just fine, she's healthy, Elizabeth…. Somehow she developed to completion… I'm still unsure as to why Jonathan didn't. It could be related to the fact that you were on the pill so long after they were conceived, but then again… we may never know. Elizabeth… his organs haven't developed enough to sustain him. As it is we're doing most of the work."

Elizabeth nodded, still staring down at her child while he slept. "He looks just like, John," she finally whispered as one single tear fell down her face.

He didn't know what to say… couldn't even imagine what that must have done to her… watching her son slowly die. The thought almost made him happy he'd been enslaved… something he'd never thought he'd feel. John could feel his whole body weaken, as if it could give out at any second. He fought it as hard as he could, walking toward her, staring down at Emily… his daughter. At that moment he did something he hadn't done in a long time… Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard actually cried.

"I'm sorry… I… I have to go…" he said, backing away, too overwhelmed. He couldn't take all this at once… not now. He just couldn't do it. He'd had kids... one still alive, barely now thanks to that god damn animal. His senses were on overload, a weight was slowly forming on his chest, making it hard to breathe. He had to get out, he just needed out. "S... sorry," he whispered, leaving the room finally. His eyes closed as he turned around, hearing the soft sob from inside the room just before the doors closed.

When he finally reached his quarters after a three hour run to work through the still lingering shock of learning he was a father, he quickly stripped and headed for the shower, keeping it as hot as he could take. Although he sure as hell wasn't happy with Elizabeth, he understood why it'd taken so long for her to tell him about Emily… and Jonathan. John had a feeling he probably wouldn't have done much better. Still, if he'd known… he would have spent every waking moment with Emily… and with Elizabeth. He would have been asking every single question he could think of about what Emily had been like when she was a baby. He would have spent more time getting his ass beat in cards by the child that he now knew to be his. He would have asked for pictures of his kids, of Emily growing up. More tears gathered and John had to close his eyes to stop any of them from escaping.

It was screwed up… big time. In one moment, everything in his life that had made sense was erased… his whole world… which had already been turned upside down three times at last count, was twisted up once more. Suddenly he had more questions than answers. Suddenly what had once been easy was more complicated than what actually had been complicated. His life suddenly made 'War and Peace' look like a god damn Doctor Seuss book!

As soon as he'd cleaned the sweat and grime from the day off, he dried himself and pulled on his boxers and a regular white shirt… then headed for bed, growing more and more tired by the minute. Things were always easier to figure out after a good night's rest. John slid next to Teyla in bed, resting his head to the side so he could look at her. God, he hadn't even thought about how Teyla would react to all this. This was a god damn nightmare. He tried to close his eyes, clear his worries from his mind, but somehow the plan didn't seem to be working out as well as he'd hoped… figures. His plans never did work out the way he'd want… most of the time anyway.

Sheppard tossed and turned, trying to keep his eyes closed while working hard to silence his mind still coming up with questions he'd never be able to answer. He was starting to wonder whether death really was more unfair than life. "Life sucks and then you die," he whispered, sighing as he realized sleep wouldn't be coming tonight. He needed answers. He never should have just left Elizabeth like that… especially when his daughter was still struggling to survive while a virus breaks down her immune system. No wonder she'd hesitated to tell him, it had only been a few hours and he was already messing up. John took one last glance at Teyla, moving a stray hair behind her ear. Finally he got back out of bed, pulled on some jeans and lelf his quarters for the second time that night. His place wasn't there… his place was beside his daughter… for six years Emily had been raised without a father, he wasn't about to let it be seven.

To Be Continued….

A/N: I know it's kinda sad how poor Elizabeth lost a kid, but it was my plan to explain why this whole thing was bothering her so much, making her so upset. I did warn you this thing would be angsty… screwed up and angsty! lol Please review… and you might just get a happy ending… might! Bwhahahahahahaha… okay, now that I'll admit was way too mean. Love you guys:D