THE COUNCIL OF ELROND
Elrond has but one advice to give to the council: "The ring must be destroyed!"
But Boromir was not so sure about this: "Why? Why don't we use it against our enemy? Let us turn his own weapon against him!"
Aragorn stood up, and says: "Tell him, gandalf."
"The ring is very evil. No-one can wield its power."
"Can't we use it just a few times if we are really careful?"
"No we can't.", said Elrond.
"Now look this isn't a council!", objected Boromir.
"Yes it is"
"No it isn't, you're just giving orders."
"No I don't. Now shut up and do as I say."
"See?"
Elrond said in a patient voice: "Look, the council must make decisions. We can't delay this mission by endless debate."
But Boromir still was not convinced. "Yes, but that's not just issuing orders from your chair. A council implies some effort to decide together what's best and all work for it. It's not just commanding the people."
"And the elves.", interrupted Gimli.
"Why are you always on about elves?", said Legolas.
"'Cause I want to be one."
Several voices shouted in amazement: "What? Why?"
"I like the way they dress."
"You can't wear elven clothing!", replied Legolas.
"Don't suppress me!"
"I'm not suppressing you, it's the wrong size! You're too short! You'd trip and fall over every step you take!"
But here Gandalf offered a solution: "Ah, I know. Let's say that he can't wear elvish dresses, because they don't come in his size, which is sauron's fault, obviously, but he can have the right to wear them."
Elrond took over again. "What's the point? Now get on with it! The ring will have to be destroyed."
"Yes but..."
At this point, Elrond rang a small bell that was on the table. "That's it. Council's closed. On your way."
"What?"
"It's madness to delay. Away you go!"
"Aren't you even coming with us?"
"Solidarity, human brother!"
Note. This piece was originally written in tv/film script format. This is the reason why there is a lot of dialogue, but very little descriptive material. Please use your imagination to fill in the gaps - it is a parody anyway, so some images may already be there inside your head.