A/N: I'm back! Sorry for the long wait, it's just that the hiatus happened and I lost interest in the show. However, I recently saw the season finale and my love for the show came back. So, expect more writing from me in the future. Also, this chapter pays homage to a famous episode of a famous tv show.
Hello Kitty HQ, New York, New York, Murica.
Seven days to the apocalypse.
The large man in the trench coat walked swiftly through the light hallways of the skyscraper. An hour ago, a urgent message was sent out to all members of the Hello Kitty Island Adventure Technical Team, announcing an emergency meeting.
The man arrived at a blue door and swiped his security card in a slot. After a few moments, the door unlocked and slid open. The man entered the conference room.
The head of the team, Andrew, looked up at he saw the man enter. "Trent, you're here. Now the meeting can start.". He snapped his fingers. Bulletproof shields went over the windows, a red security scanner made sure there were no spies, and twelve dozen security cameras popped out of the ceiling. This meeting was more important than the United Nations, G8, or NASA combined. It concerned the future of the world...of Hello Kitty Island Adventure.
"Gentleman and lady, as of 2:44 AM, we have been dealing with the greatest threat the world of Hello Kitty Island Adventure has even seen," Andrew explained. A large chart was shown on the project screen. "This is the number of deaths at 2:43 AM." A large black 0 was shown. "As usual. Now this is the number of deaths the next minute." A large black 234,006 appeared.
All of the jaws in the room dropped. "I haven't seen a death count that high since the Great Huge Famine of '79! And there were only 0 deaths!" a bushy haired woman named Sienna yelled out. "Why would someone do this? This game is about completing KittyQuests and making friends."
"We are dealing with a griefer...who obviously has no social life," Trent told the group. "He's been playing for nearly every single hour of every single day since January 20, 2009. He's reached a level that was previously thought unachievable. He's gained enough Hug levels to kill people with hugs."
"That's not even the worst part," Andrew added. "This player, Swaggadopealope, also works for the National Security Administration. This means he knows where everbody has been, is currently, and will be. He knows their strategies, their friends, their powers, the whole package."
"Yes, but we're moderators. Why don't we just ban him?" questioned Sienna.
"This is the worst part: he's backed by the government. Anything we do against him will result in permanent government sanctions and a severe time out."
"So, is it hopeless?" Another worker named Ben asked.
"Not completely," Trent replied. He pulled out an old key and inserted it into a locked chest below him. He opened the chest and pulled out a small blue flashdrive. He slid it across the oak table to Andrew.
"This, my friends, contains the ultimate sword in the world of Hello Kitty Island Adventure: Hugaggedon. We planned on giving it the first person that completed every KittyQuest, Donkey Warlord. But he showed by murdering 10 players, we can't trust it in mortal hands. We banned him for abusing this sacred power and have locked it away since."
"So here's the plan," Trent explained. "We are going to give Hugaggedon to the player with the greatest chance of defeating Swaggadopealope, and after that we will take it back after deciding if he is worthy or not."
Sienna nodded. "Sounds like our best option currently."
"And now, all we have to do..." Andrew clasped his hands together, "is wait for a hero."
Gravity Falls, Oregon
Five days to the apocalypse.
In Soos's hand proudly sat a plastic jellyfish with a picture of Stan's face glued to it. "Mr. Pines! I've completed the newest exhibit, the Stanowar!" Stan didn't answer. "Mr. Pines?" Soos asked again. Still no answer. Soos decided to look for him in his office. He opened the door and saw Stan using his computer. "Mr. Pines?"
Stan's didn't look up. "Soos, I'm in the middle of socially interacting with hundreds of other players and completing KittyQuests in the amazing world of Hello Kitty Island Adventure."
Soos blinked. "Hello Kitty Island Adventure?"
"It's this cool game the twins showed me. You control this avatar kitty thing and do all the stuff you could want as a cat. Here in the real world, I'm a simple conman. But in this world, I'm Thorvac, the mighty adventurer. I've been to the underwater city of Kittlantis, completed quests for the water nymphs of the Catbodia River, even challenged the gods themselves. I've deposed kings, rescued fair lands from the iron fist of tyrants all across the world. I've punched out Cthulhu, blew up the sun, even-
Swaggadopealope stabbed Thorvac the Mighty in the back.
Thorvac the Mighty was told, "It was knife to meet you."
"Uh, dood, I think you just died."
Stan stared at the screen. He stood up. And collapsed onto his back. "I welcome you death."
Soos helped the old man up. "It's not so bad, dude. After all, you still got Mabel and Dip-"
"THE TWINS!" Stan sprinted out of his office and up to the attic, with Soos closely behind. Stan barged through the door. "Kids! Are you characters ok?!" The sight that greeted him gave him an answer. The twins lay on their beds, welcoming death.
"I was feeding Virtual Waddles," Mabel sighed.
"Then he cast a Hug-Fireball at me..." Dipper explained without looking at Stan.
"And then he hugged me to death." Mabel slid off the bed and onto the ground, face-first. She didn't care.
"Aww, c'mon dudes. That's gotta be something you could do." Soos said.
Dipper stood up. "He's right, guys. We can do something!"
"Like what?" Stan asked.
"Let's make fun of him in the chat!" Mabel declared. The group cheered and sat around the computer. Dipper typed furiously in the chat box.
Honey-Dipper: I bet you smell bad.
Swaggadopealope: That doesn't matter. What does matter is that in five days, Hello Kitty Island Adventure will be razed to the ground!
The four looked at each other.
Honey-Dipper: What do you mean?
Swaggadopealope: According to Biden's calculations, I will have killed every player 6 times, making them quit the game. Then Hello Kitty Island Adventure will be mine to rule alone!
Honey-Dipper: I'll never quit.
Swaggadopealope: You might not, but the 56 million other players will. And once I kill enough players me and my homeboys at the National Security Administration will rule this land :):):). Bye-bye, now.
Mabel and Stan walked away. "Where are you guys going?" Dipper questioned.
"I'm done." Stan said.
"Yeah, it was fun while it lasted," Mabel added.
"You guys can't just quit!" Dipper yelled.
"Look, Dipper," Mabel exclaimed. "If this player is gonna keep killing us, then why play? It's just a game."
"Just a game!? We have been playing non-stop for the past week. Leveling up, completing KittyQuests, having fun! We can't let the NSA win!"
"And now this guy is just gonna keep killing us," Stan told Dipper. "Show's over, kid." Mabel and Stan left.
Dipper clenched his fists. "I'm not gonna quit. I'm gonna find a way to defeat this guy and liberate the good people of Hello Kitty Island Adventure!"
Gravity Falls, Oregon
Three days to the apocalypse.
Mabel was outside playing basketball when a she heard someone shouting. "MABEL! MABEL!" A voice called to her from inside the house. She turned around and saw Dipper barge out of the house.
Playing Hello Kitty nonstop had changed him. Dipper appeared to have gained about 50 pounds and several new chins. Acne and sweat covered his face and his orange shirt was stretched out and his vest barely even fit him. "And are those...Cheetos on your shirt?" Mabel asked. "Did you even sleep?"
Dipper shrugged. "That doesn't matter!"
Mabel pretended to barf. "I'm pretty sure having good breath does matter."
"Never mind that! Mabel, you won't believe this. I've discovered a strategy that we could use to defeat Swaggadopealope!" He waved his fat arms in excitement. "You see, I've tracked Swaggadopealope's movements. He only attacks the highest level players in the main cities. So, we need to train in areas that are rarely visited."
Mabel shook her head. "But the main training centers are in the cities."
"And that's where the second part of my plan comes in. We can train by hugging the wildlife."
"But Dipper, all the animals and plants only give 2 xp," Mabel pointed out. "Do you realize the amount of hugs we need to give?"
"6 trillion, 846 billion, 474 million, 998 thousand, 2 hundred and 6." Mabel's jaw dropped. "Mabel, once reach level 398, we become so good at hugging that we can actually kill players." Dipper pulled out a list from his vest pocket covered in sweat and Cheetos crumbs. "95,088,930,531.19444 xp per day. Entirely doable if you ask me. That gives us enough time to attack and destroy Swaggadopealope."
Mabel stared at Dipper for a few moments, then shot the basketball. "I don't know, Dipper. Hello Kitty Island Adventure isn't really that important to me."
"Mabel!" Dipper yelled. "If we work together, WE CAN STOP THE NSA!" When she didn't answer, Dipper pulled out a few pictures. "I figured you might say no, so I decided you might need to see this." He handed the pictures to Mabel, who took care to grab clean spots.
They were screenshots of the village attack. There was Swaggadopealope sending a fireball at Honey-Dipper, stabbing Thorvac in the back with the knife, and hugging CrayCraySweater to death. "He sent me these to brag after the attack." What happened next brought a tear to Mabel's eye. It was Swaggadopealope frying virtual Waddles with the fireball, then putting him into a spit roast. The final picture was close up of Swaggadopealope's face while eating bacon.
Mabel's eyes became watery and her lip began to tremble. "He...he killed Waddles." Suddenly, she ripped the pictures in half, threw them on the ground, and stomped on them repeatedly. She looked Dipper straight in the eye. "Let's do this."
So many times, it happens too fast
You trade your passion for glory
Honey-Dipper and CrayCraySweater sprinted into the KittyForest. After nodding to each other, they went off and hugged every animal in sight. A bear attempted to run away from CrayCraySweater, but she jumped and tackled it to the ground.
CrayCraySweater has leveled up to level 35.
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive
Dipper wiped his greasy, long hair out of his face as he continued to click the hug button. Honey-Dipper reached into a rabbit hole and pulled out a crew of rabbits and hugged all of them. "SOOS! Hot pocket!" he called. Soos sprinted over and fed him a Hot Pocket.
Honey-Dipper has leveled up to level 124.
It's the eye of the tiger
It's the thrill of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge
Of our rival
Mabel awoke to sound of a buzzing-alarm. "Mabel, your five minute sleeping break is up," Soos explained. Mabel slipped out of her bed, chugged a Rockstar energy drink, and hopped onto the game. CrayCraySweater jumped up and bear-hugged a pelican.
CrayCraySweater has leveled up to level 276.
And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night
Dipper slurped noisily on his ramen noodles, not caring about the fact that some spilled onto his shirt. The twins' hair had grown messier, their shirts stretched out from the weight they had gained, and acne covered their faces. "Activating ÜberHug...now." Honey-Dipper grabbed CrayCraySweater and hugged her. Fireworks exploded as they gained 3,000 experience points.
Honey-Dipper is now level 398.
CrayCraySweater is now level 398.
And he's watching us all with the eye
Of the tiger
Dipper and Mabel jumped out their chairs and high-fived before downing another 5 hour energy. "Let's do this," Dipper said with enthusiasm.
Hello Kitty HQ, New York, New York, Murica.
5 hours to the apocalypse.
Andrew looked out the window of the skyscraper his office was located in. Behind him sat the Hello Kitty Island Adventure Technical Team. "The Admins tell us there are 2 players from a small town in Oregon."
Trent looked up from his seat in hope. "Are they strong enough to defeat Swaggadopealope?"
Sienna shook her head. "Even with their amazing rise in levels they still have a 90% mortality rate!"
Andrew pulled out the flashdrive. "Then we need to give them this." Hugaggedon glittered in the fluorescent lighting.
Gravity Falls, Oregon
One hour the apocalypse.
"Ok, we're all set up," Dipper stated. The twins were inside an area of Gamestop they rented for the night in order to get better internet connection. They had converted it into an Über-cool gaming hub. Each twin had two monitors, twelve energy drinks and Hot Pockets. A large map of the Hello Kitty world hung above them while lists and charts of potions and spells were plastered on the white walls. Dipper clicked on an intercom. "Soos, can you hear me?"
"Loud and clear, dude," Soos spoke back. He was inside a convenience store next door, which contained a supply of Hot Pockets.
"Good, now we have a direct line of food in case we run out. Ready, Mabel?"
"Ready," she responded.
"Let's go get him." The twins sprinted toward Swaggadopealope's last location. Their characters contained the best armor, spellbooks, staffs, gloves, and potions the world of Hello Kitty Island Adventure had to offer.
Mabel scratched her nose. "I've spotted him. He's just west of Meowmi. Teleport to me, Dipper."
Dipper opened up a spellbook and teleported to Mabel. "Right behind you."
Swaggadopealope turned around and saw the twins. "Ok, we're in sight of him."
"Mabel, cast Tabby Aura while I intimidate him with a Lion Roar."
Swaggadopealope pulled out a golden battle axe. "He's targeting us."
"I will open up the Scroll of a Thousand Nightlocks while you activate Feral Shield."
Mabel clicked on her mouse and coughed. "Activated. Feral shield requires 8 seconds to activate."
"Eight seconds? I thought you were a Freyja Mage."
"Freyja Arcane Mage."
"Christ..."
Stan answered the door. "Gideon, I swear to God I'll-Oh, hi, care to take a late night tour?"
Trent shook his head. "We are looking for a Great Knight, one that goes by the username of 'Honey-Dipper'".
"That's the name of my great nephew's avatar kitty thing in Island Adventure."
"Where is he?!"
Stan blinked. "Who are you? And are you sure you don't want a tour?"
"Sir, there's no time! We have discovered your nephew's party is already in battle!" Andrew pulled out the flashdrive. "If they don't have this, they'll be killed by Swaggadopealope!"
Stan stared at them for a few seconds. "My God." He threw down the Stanowar and sprinted up the stairs to the attic.
Meowmi, Colorpoint Shorthair
17 hours into battle.
The twins were attacking Swaggadopealope with all their might. Spells and auras lit up the night sky. "Mabel, fire spell!" Dipper commanded. A flame appeared from CrayCraySweaters's hand, but suddenly it disappeared. Mabel started yelling from her computer. "Mabel, what's happening?"
Mabel held her hand in pain. "Carpal tunnel, carpal tunnel!"
Dipper quickly clicked on the intercom. "Soos, carpal tunnel!"
Soos burst through a nearby window, shattering glass everywhere. "Don't worry, Mabel. I bring the richest of creams." Soos pulled out a butter knife, dipped it in the cream, and slathered it all over Mabel's hand.
"Soos, it's not worth it. Go on without me!"
"Mabel, we need you! Without you, I can't win!" Mabel nodded and waddled over to her computer chair.
Stan barged through the attic door. "Kids! I've got something to help-" Stan let out a large gasp when he discovered the twins weren't there. "Where could they beeeeeeee!"
"Stan?" Wendy had ran up the stairs after him. "What's going on?"
"Wendy!" Stan jumped over to her and started shaking her shoulders. "Where are the twins?!"
"Oh, yeah. Mabel mentioned they were heading out for the night to play that Adventure game."
"Where?!"
"I don't know."
"WHERE!"
"I don't know, I swear to God-"
"SWEAR TO MEEEEEEE!"
Wendy blinked. "Ok, this is getting weird." She backed away and left the room.
Andrew sniffled and wiped away a tear. "We're too late...without the sword, their attack...will fail."
Trent snapped his fingers as he realized a plan. "If we could get to a computer, we could give them the sword online."
Andrew shook his head. "I don't have a Hello Kitty Island Adventure account, do you?"
Trent sighed. "No...I have a life."
"Give me the sword." Stan held out his hand.
The two workers stared at each other. "You?" Trent asked.
Stan nodded. "I have an Island Adventure account. I may be a noob, but I can log online and give the sword to Dipper."
"We can't give Hugaggedon to a noob!" Andrew protested.
Stan shrugged. "It sounds to me that you don't have a choice."
The two workers looked at each other.
Mabel opened up her spellbook and selected another spell. "Ok, ok, Devon Rex Mattershield in effec-aww, what's that smell!?"
Dipper scratched his greasy hair. "Sorry, I have to go to the bathroom."
"I thought you had a plan!"
"Soos didn't agree to the plan!"
Stan sat down on his computer. "Aww, c'mon, Windows '98 I don't have all day!" The game eventually opened and Stan logged in to his account. "I'm in!" He put on his headset and plugged in the flashdrive."
Meanwhile, a poisonous Norwegian Forest Cat slashed Dipper across the face. "Uhh, Mabel, I'm almost dead. Cast Arcane Missile!"
"I'm out of CatnipMana, I told you!"
Reluctantly, Honey-Dipper sprinted away from the battle. "I need to heal!"
"DDDDDIIIIIIPPPPPEEEEERRRRRRR!" A voice screamed out.
"Stan?" Honey-Dipper spun around and saw that Thorvac had joined them. "Not now!"
"I've been sent here...to bring you this." Thorvac held up a mighty golden sword that was larger than Thorvac himself. "This sword can do something...something about Catnip or something."
"Stan how did you get that!?"
"No time! Just take it! Heeeeerrrreeee!" The two warriors awkwardly stood for a good 15 seconds. "Uhh, how do you, how do you hand something from one player to another?"
"Bring up your inventory screen. Control-I."
"Ok."
"I got it!" Dipper yelled. Just then, Swaggadopealope jumped up and delivered a crushing blow to Thorvac's neck with a battle ax. Thorvac slowly fell to his knees. "Stan!"
Thorvac the Mighty was axed a question.
Swaggadopealope laughed. Honey-Dipper faced Swaggadopealope. "You killed my great uncle." Honey-Dipper charged at Swaggadopealope and lunged at him. Hugaggedon impaled the griefer, and a blue electricity engulfed him.
"His shields and armor spells are down!" Mabel yelled. "Attack!" Dipper fired 11 eleven arrows at Swaggadopealope's chest, while CrayCraySweater cast a Havana Brown Fire spell at him. Swaggadopealope fell forward onto his knees. Honey-Dipper kicked the back of his head and the griefer rested on his hands, his head a mere inches from the ground.
Mabel took a step forward, a giant warhammer raised above her head. "Looks like you're about to get pwned." Mabel swung the warhammer at Swaggadopealope's head, splattering it into a million pieces.
Swaggadopealope didn't Stop for Hammer Time.
Andrew and Trent grinned. "They did it!" Andrew cheered. "The world is saved!"
The two heroes stood before the griefer's dead body. Suddenly, hundreds of players logged onto the world and appeared before them. "You did it!" They cheered. "We can finally play now!" Thousands of players rushed onto the streets, victory bells were rung and fireworks exploded in the sky. Dipper and Mabel cheered along with everyone else.
"Well, we did it, Mabel," Dipper said while wiping chips off his shirt. "We saved the world."
"That was such Überpwnage," Mabel said. "I can't believe it's finally over." The twins sat silently for a moment. "So, what do we do now?"
"Now? Now we can finally play the game."
"Oh, yeah," Mabel agreed.
"Ok, Mabel, add Eyes of Ragamuffin to your hotbar. I'm going to check my Serengeti levels to boost my shouts."
"Got it," Mabel said. The twins continued on their amazing quest, unaware of the danger they just got themselves into.
The White House, Majestic 12 territory
Obama screamed and flipped over the computer. He pulled out a machine gun and destroyed the computer, shredding it and the table to bits. A security guard came in. "Is there something wrong, Mein President?"
"Yes, there is. I. Died. On. Hello. Kitty. Island. #& $&$ ADVENTURE!" He threw the machine gun out a window and looked back at the security guard. "Tell the media that there is oil in Tajikstan, and that we need to invade it to get rid off some terrorists there. I need to vent my anger."
The guard nodded. "As you wish, my lord." He scurried off.
Obama strummed his fingers against the splintered wood of his former desk. "I swear to god, Honey-Dipper, one day, I will get revenge."