Hey look, another update! Yay! I will warn ahead of time that there's drug use near the end of the chapter. Also, this one's quite a bit longer than usual (like 3800 words instead of 2500) because I guess I just got really into it? Anyway, thanks for all the reviews, I really appreciate it! I'm already working on the next chapter so hopefully it'll be up soon! =D
Blaine's Point of View:
I awake in the morning to the screeching beep of my alarm clock. In an attempt to shut it off quickly I nearly throw myself off my bed, completely missing the button. 'Oh well', I figure, untangling myself from my burrito of blankets and sheets, 'I'm up now.'
"Blaine?" I hear my name called from the kitchen mid-gel. Luckily I dressed first, so I dash from my room to see what my grandma needs. She's seated at her usual chair at the table, trying to reach her glasses- which seem to have fallen to the floor- and failing miserably. With haste I pick them up for her, my heart thundering in my ears. Every time she calls my name, I'm terrified of what I'll find. A frown crosses my face, and I shake those thoughts away. Nearly nothing bad has happened yet, thankfully.
"Now how'd that happen?" I ask her, pouring some coffee into her cup. Crossing her arms at me, she says, "I was quite into my puzzle, and you know how I get when I can't figure out the answers." I stare at her for a moment before we both start laughing. Of course.
I pull the paper towards me and start filling in the answers she doesn't know. After multiple summers spent doing this, I've gotten reasonably good. My grandma takes a long drink of coffee and then turns to me, starting intently.
"...What?" I ask distractedly. Only a few more answers to go!
"Are you going to tell me now why you came home in such a hurry last night?" Setting the pen down on the table, I sigh. Last night I was such a mess that I did her rollers completely wrong and had to redo them- twice.
"It's just..." She pulls the paper back towards her and smiles when she sees only a few spaces are blank. I swallow the lump forming in my throat and continue, "... We were having fun, you know? We watched Sister Act, and I guess I got caught up in the moment, but then Kurt started acting really strange so I tried to change the subject to something I'd been meaning to ask him all night because I was seriously confused. And then he laughed at me. Laughed! I felt so dumb! So then I left, and now I really regret it because I made a fool out of myself and then made a big deal out of it. But I was really upset!" She waits patiently for me to finish. "I'm just worried he's mad at me now-"
"Again?"
"-yes, again, and I feel bad because I think I upset him and he already looks so sad. I guess I'm just really mad at myself. I feel like a big huge idiot." My voice has gone to that squeaky place it always goes when I'm trying hard not to cry. Covering my hands with hers, my grandma smiles.
"Well, if he laughed at you I doubt he's mad at you. I know it hurts when someone does that, but at least he didn't yell, right?" I nod. "And I'm sure you didn't make a fool out of yourself, so stop being mad with yourself. You did nothing wrong, alright?" Again, I nod. "Okay then. Why don't you just talk to him about it? I'm sure he'll understand, and if he doesn't, that's also okay. Now, I know just the thing to make you feel better!" She smiles at me, patting my hands before she lets go. Instantly I know what she's up to.
"But I'll be late!" I plead, standing and gathering my school books into my bag. It's bad enough I barely had time to get ready.
"Oh Blaine, just one song before you go?" Using her sneaky grandma charm, she manages to convince me- not that it was too hard. I search through a few of the heavily used CD's she has by the radio on the counter. While I search through the songs on the back of a case, she nearly shouts, "Number fifteen!" I smile and pop the CD in, skipping to that song. As per usual, that's what I was going to choose anyway. She knows me way too well for my own good.
I start dancing to the music, waiting for the words to start, feeling my body move along with the beat.
"I'll keep working my way back to you, babe
With a burning love inside
Hey, I'm working my way back to you, babe
And the happiness that died..."
My grandma claps along with her knobbly hands, swaying in time with the song.
"See, I'm down and out
But I ain't about to go living my life without you
Hey, every day
I made you cry
I'll pay and, boy
'Til the day I die..."
I feel my shoulders loosening up, my mood lifting. My grandma is the smartest woman in the entire world. Still in her seat, she gestures for me to dance along with her moves. Before her arthritis got too bad, she was a fantastic dancer. I laugh at what she wants me to do which causes me to stumble over some words, but I continue anyway.
"Whoa, I'm really sorry for acting that way
I'm really sorry
Ooh, little boy
I'm really sorry for telling you lies
For so long
Oh, please, forgive me, boy
Come on (give me a chance)
Won't you forgive me, boy
Hey (let's have romance)
Ooh, forgive me, boy (let's try again)
Come on, forgive me, boy
I want you over and over
And over and over again..."
I'm definitely going to be late now, and sweaty on top of it, but I hardly care. This was the perfect song choice. The only thing that would have made it better was if I were singing it to Kurt instead of my 80 year old grandma, but since it's a bit too late for that, I don't mind very much.
"I'll keep working my way back to you, babe
With a burning love inside
Yeah, I'm working my way back to you, babe
And the happiness that died
I let it get away
Do-do, do-da, do
(Been paying every day)
Do-do, do-da, do
I'll keep working my way back to you, babe..."
I continue singing and dancing along until the music fades, holding my pose while my grandma claps enthusiastically. Grinning, I bow, catching my breath.
"That was just lovely," She says, motioning for me to come to her so she can give me a kiss on the cheek, "Better than the original!" I smile -still panting slightly- and thank her. What a huge compliment!
After a glance at my watch I hurry to grab the rest of my things, tell Grandma goodbye (and to call me if she needs anything at all) and start to leave.
"Oh, before I forget," I pause at the door and wait for her to finish, "you could use just a bit more product, okay? Don't want your hair to get too unruly now. Have a nice day at school." Thinking back to the sloppy half-gel job I was barely able to fit in when I woke up, I nod and cross the lawn to my car. There's a reason I always keep some emergency gel in my glove-box! My grandma always knows how to make me feel better.
Kurt's Point of View
"Hey," I jumped slightly when Blaine's voice sounded in my ear, "Sorry for leaving so fast last night." Quite frankly, I was surprised he was even talking to me, what with how big of a gigantic asshole I had been last night. He should hate me. I know I did.
"No, it's okay, sorry for being such a jerk." I added a smile at the end, hoping it covered the melancholy in my voice. We walked together awkwardly for a while before he spoke.
"...You weren't a jerk. I was a jerk for just leaving like that." I frown, pushing my hands into my pockets.
"Maybe we were both jerks?" Blaine suggested.
"...Maybe." I agreed. He nudged me lightly with his elbow before we entered Glee Club, and we both sat in the back near Quinn, who smiled and waved at me. Unease rose in my stomach. Was she smiling because she was happy to see me, or because someone told her to be nice? I waved back, then turned to see what Mr. Schue had planned for us today.
"Okay guys, I've thought about it a lot this week, and the theme for next week is..." He turned to write dramatically on the white board, "Disney!"
There were collective groans along with shouts of joy. I made no noise. Instead, I chewed on the piece of skin starting to detach itself from my thumb. Disney. Are you fucking kidding me?
"I want you all to pick a song and make it you. So, this weekend I'd like you guys to think about which song you'd like to sing. Monday, we'll pull straws to see who goes first."
"Mr. Schue, I thought we agreed last time you were going to get pre-pulled straws!" Brittany complained.
"Okay Brittany, why don't we all just pick the order from a hat-"
"Is the duck going to actually be in the hat this time?" She questioned.
"-you know, maybe I'll just pick the order at random"
After that, he let us go off on our own to look through lists containing hundreds of Disney songs. How was I supposed to decide on a song, a happy, cheery Disney song, when I felt so... ugh? I sat through the rest of Glee Club in complete silence, pretending to look over the list. Blaine wiggled around in his seat excitedly, highlighting multiple songs per page and chatting animatedly with Mike about setting up a dance routine. At least he was excited about it; Maybe that could give me a distraction from how terrible I was going to do on this assignment.
Later that night, while I attempted to catch up on my homework (but all I succeeded in doing was chewing my fingernails to stubs) Carole poked her head in my room, looking extremely exasperated.
"Hey, Finn's over at Puck's, but Puck gave Finn a ride, and apparently Puck's mom borrowed his car- even though I don't really believe that- so now Finn has no way to get home. I'm really late for my shift at the hospital, so-"
"Of course, Carole. When do you want me to pick him up?" She smiled at me as she readjusted her scrubs and double checked to make sure she had her I.D. badge.
"Nine or ten maybe? At least that's when Finn said he'd be ready, so. Thank you so much honey! I'll see you later!" With that, she bustled out.
Giving up on my homework, I shoved my books to the other side of my bed and checked the time. Eight-thirty. If I took my time putting presentable clothes back on (even though I was excruciatingly comfortable in my pajamas) I could be at Puck's by nine-thirty at the latest, and get home before ten so I could spend the rest of the night sleeping. It sounded like a fantastic plan to me.
It took ten minutes for anyone to answer the door when I finally got to Puck's house.
Puck ushered me inside, telling me he and Finn were in the middle of a game, and did I mind hanging out until they finished? By then it was a quarter till ten, and my whole go-to-sleep-forever plan was completely ruined so I figured, why not? I followed him down the creaky basement stairs and through some sheets he'd hung from the ceiling to create a makeshift room, and sat on the empty threadbare love seat squished between two armchairs in the same shabby state.
I squinted through the weird haze in the room, rubbing my nose to dispel what I had mistaken at first as basement smell. Puck brought what definitely was not a half-smoked cigarette to his lips and took a drag. I felt heat rise to my face, and I wasn't sure if I was angry or irritated or embarrassed. What had I gotten myself into?
"You're smoking pot?"
"Yeah, why else do you think Finn needed a ride home? Your parent's would totally know he's high."
"So why couldn't you take him home?"
"Dude, I don't even have a car." Puck passed the joint to Finn, who smiled apologetically at me before taking a hit and stubbing it out in a well-used ashtray. I wondered how the hell Finn had gotten to Puck's in the first place then, since Carole had been under the impression that Puck picked him up.
"So I had to come pick you up because you're high?"
"I'm sorry Kurt! I couldn't let my mom know though, she'd kill you!"
"Me?"
"You what?"
"You said she'd kill me."
"Oh my god, who's going to kill you?" I threw my hands up, frustrated with my airhead step-brother. I got that he was high, but didn't he have anything left in that big head of his?
"He's been like this all night, trust me, this isn't even bad compared to how he was earlier." Puck said, turning his attention away from the television and Xbox for a minute. "You'd think that since this isn't his first time he'd have just a little bit more self control!" He added, shooting Finn an irritated glance before killing many, many zombies without even bothering to look at the screen.
I pulled my legs up onto the couch, trying to get comfortable. For what seemed like forever, I toyed with my phone, contemplating texting Blaine. No, I decided. That would be too weird.
"...Kurt?" I snap my head up, realizing they'd been talking to me and I hadn't even noticed. Oops. I also saw they were smoking again.
"What?"
"I asked if you wanted any?" I paused, confused.
"...Pot?"
"Yeah. No pressure dude, just being polite." For a minute I thought about it. All throughout school it was drilled into my head that drugs were an awful thing, yet here they were, doing drugs, and it was totally, completely chill; The complete opposite of many people I'd been around who were drunk. Puck made to pass the joint to Finn, and that's when I made my decision.
"Why not." This time it was he who looked clueless. Eying me with surprise, he looked to Finn- who just shrugged- as if asking for permission, and then shrugged himself.
"If you're sure?" I nod again, and then realize I have absolutely no fucking clue what I'm doing. Luckily Puck comes to the rescue. "Okay, grab it here with your two fingers- no, not there, you'll burn yourself- yeah, there," Now that I was holding it, I felt strange. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this? What if I got caught? And then something in my head just stopped worrying about that. Who the fuck cared? "And now you just like... suck on it... like you're smoking a cigarette?" Puck says. I watch him struggle with himself to keep the innuendos to a bare minimum. And it would be totally funny except I'd never smoked before. I shake my head at him.
"I don't really... I've never smoked before?" I said, and I felt kind of foolish. Only a little. Because I was trying that whole not-caring thing.
"... Alright. Put your lips around it so you suck through it, and like, pull the smoke in." I stared at him, and he motioned for me to do it right then. So I tried, and was it supposed to taste that bad? Puck laughed at me so I glared at him. "No dude, the smoke doesn't just go into your mouth, like, pull it into your lungs like you're smelling something really fucking good, only through your mouth!" He cheered to himself, apparently extremely satisfied with his description of how to smoke. I frowned slightly. I was doing drugs.
I tried again, this time following his orders and pulling the smoke into my lungs. Immediately, I felt the difference. My eyes watered against the burn in the back of my throat and bottom of my lungs, and I struggled to not cough. I heard Puck say something along the lines of "Woo!" before adding "Don't exhale, but pass it to Finn so it doesn't go out."
Again, I did as he said. We continued like that for a while, and each time I wished I had something to drink. I noticed neither of them were drinking anything and wondered if the more you smoked it, the less not-so-good it felt. Eventually, I had to ask for something, because it felt like my throat was on fire.
"I don't mean to be rude, but could I have some water or...?" I asked, tugging on the skin around my fingernails.
"Oh dude, sorry! I have some..." He opened a cooler on the other side of his chair- how I had missed that was a complete mystery to me- and dug around in it. "... Orange pop. Here ya go." He tossed a can to me. Orange pop? I twisted it in my hands, glancing over the nutritional info. One hundred and thirty calories for one pop. Really? But the burning in my throat was too much to handle, so I popped the tab and drank thirstily.
"Do you feel anything yet?" Finn eventually asked, and after thinking about it for a minute, I responded with a short, "No." He made an exaggerated sad face at me, then giggled to himself.
And then I realized, that wasn't completely true. I felt kind of strange, and the longer I thought about it, the more it intensified, until:
"Oh my god, I'm vibrating!" I choked out around the edge of my pop can. And that wasn't completely true either. It felt like my skin was vibrating, like I was being rubbed all over by an extremely fuzzy, extremely comfortable blanket. And then I was hot. So hot that my shoes and socks came off without me really noticing it, and I was so glad I didn't wear a long sleeved shirt under my button-up, and I realized it was a really good thing we were in a cool basement.
"Well he sure feels something now! That's cool though, a lot of people don't really feel anything their first time." Puck commented. Was that supposed to be dirty? I didn't know. But he was right, I did feel something, and for once it wasn't an awful, dark, consuming feeling. I was vibrating and floating and laughing at the same time and it just felt amazing. I pushed myself further onto the couch, really relaxing for the first time in ages. I felt like a butterfly in a cocoon. A nice, safe, fantastic feeling cocoon.
Puck rolled another joint and soon we were passing it between us again, and this time there was more of a rhythm, a method, instead of an 'oh god what am I doing?' I din't know how long we stayed like that, smoking while I watched them kill zombies, but suddenly I sat up and rubbed my hands against the fabric of the couch. It took me a minute to figure out what was bothering me- my brain wasn't working quite as fast as usual, and now I understood why Finn seemed like such an idiot earlier- and then it hit me. The bothersome pinching feeling in my stomach that usually accompanied my lack of food was now a huge angry lion; There was a lion inside me and it was going to eat me if I didn't eat something first.
"Whoa, was that your stomach?" Finn asked, leaning towards me incredibly slowly. I stifled my laughter. Was it my stomach? Was I really hungry? Maybe.
"Well it better be, because I have foooooood!" Puck announced as he reentered the room. He left? Where had I been? But I didn't really care right then, because he started passing out huge bowls of Finn-sized portions of mac and cheese. For just a moment, one tiny millisecond, that voice sounded in the back of my head.
'Don't eat that, Kurt. You'll just get even fatter!' I blinked down at my bowl, and then ate like I'd never had anything to eat in my entire life. I couldn't tell if I was really hungry because of the pot or because I really hadn't eaten very much lately, but the food tasted freaking amazing and that was all that really mattered. Puck also produced a plate of chicken nuggets, and I managed to grab a couple before Finn used his bear hands to scoop up a large majority of them.
I thought I might explode. After going so long without eating, my stomach had obviously shrunk and it was really difficult to eat as much as I wanted to. Paired with the sudden lack of feeling awful, everything was becoming extremely overwhelming. Somehow I managed to slow down on eating and took breaks without Finn shoveling any of my food into his mouth, successfully finishing my extremely late-night dinner. And I felt fantastic.
And then I was incredibly bored.
And then I had the best idea ever.
"OhmygodPuckletmepaintyournai ls" I demanded while digging in my pockets for the bottle of polish I almost always carried with me.
"Dude, why do you have nail polish? And no, you can't paint my nails. I have to try and keep at least some of my dignity."
"Well, when you're friends with Rachel Berry, you have to be prepared for the unexpected. Come onnnnn, just a couple fingers?" I pouted at him, using every persuasive muscle in my body to let me paint his nails, because... no, I forgot why, but that didn't matter. A few more minutes of pouting and-
"Okay, fine- but only a few nails, and you have to take it off before you leave!" He said, setting his controller down and holding his hands out like he'd been in this position before. I wondered if it was because of his sister, but then I didn't really care to know. I let out what was supposed to be a cheer but ended up sounding more like a battle cry, before shakily applying polish to his fingers. For some reason I'd had it in my mind that it would be an easy task- what the hell was I thinking- but somehow I managed to coat his nails in a nice charcoal gray without getting too much on his skin.
"I said only a few nails!" He complained as I recapped the bottle and slid it back into my pocket.
"So?" I challenged.
And then I fell asleep.