Dear Readers,
Help! That crazy little sociopath is on bedrest now(she's sick with something) and is just leaving me here without food for days on end! I am forced to eat dirt I lick from the floor and my own boogers in order to survive! Help me!
Now she's up and is forcing me to write you. I beg of you, help m-
Be quiet, Sev! Hi. It's Moz again. Ignore him. The lack of food is getting to his head. Yesterday he was muttering about a unicorn flying around his room. I'll have him answer you all now. Sorry it took me a while, I've been on bedrest. I still am, actually. Fortunately, I now have a laptop.
Severus,
1. Just a freaking question about points! Wats the leastnumber of points you have taaken from the gryffindorks?wats the most you have taken? Have you considered (cough*more than 100?*cough)
the bestb way too kill a certain golden trio. I despise them.
3. Need permission to get 1,000 torture curses and other painful spells from the restriction section
4. Do you like pie?
SINCIERLY, alwaysSlytherin
(PS I have spelling issues)
Dear always,
1. The least is one, although it was for something meaningless. I just desired to irritate. I have taken seventy-five points in the past- that cursed little Longbottom deserved it. I would take more, but that old coot wouldn't let me.
2. Become an animagi and smother them in their sleep. Honestly, I don't know why that little cheese-man was allowed to become a Death Eater if he couldn't even manage that.
3. Certainly. I personally prefer 1,000 Death and Torture Curses(Karadora Belby is an utter genius), but I suppose it's a matter of personal preferances.
4. I do, actually. Quite. Preferable cherry or key lime. I cannot stand apple.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
P.S.- Clearly. I won't hold it against you, though.
Dear Professor Snape
What would one do when one is being chased by Death Eaters down one's high street?
Yours In Hope and Still Running,
One
Dear One,
I would run really, really fast. Then duck into a shop and hide like you've never hid before.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
Professor Snape
I've sent the robot minions *hopes they don't get sidetracked and visit every pub in the northern hemisphere...AGAIN* But they should be there soon.
In the meantime...
More questions! *giggles*
1. Are there ANY sweets you like?
2. What was the most un-Snape like thing you ever did? I know, i know, you cannot not be like Snape beacause you Are Snape- but just answer the question.
3. Can you please explain "Dapple" beacause i've got some disturbing immages in my mind *shivers*
4. Buckbeak, Pius Thicknesse, Crookshanks and Arnold the Pigmy Puff lock in a room. Who would survive?
Unfaithfully,
Slytherin Chibie
Dear Chibie,
I believe they have gotten sidetracked. Or perhaps Moz has destroyed them before they got to me.
1. No sweets, but I do enjoy some nice pie now and again.
2. Well. I suppose saving Potter's sorry butt was un-Snape like. But the truly, honestly most un-Snape like thing I ever did was have a fight with Lily Evans when we were nine. She was bossing me around, I got slightly irritated and said she was a spoiled brat, she said I was ugly and weird and we didn't speak for two days. Honestly, you people seem to think I've always worshipped the glory of Lily Evans. We were young children, and I wasn't always content to just looked at her, worship her and be her slave.
3. I'm not certain of what context I used it in. Please refresh me. It was probably a word that's kind of like dabble- oh, yes, I dapple in the world of cryptozoology from time to time a little. Or it could be a mis-spelling of Drapple, which is a "ship" you people sail. Draco and an apple. What do you people think about? What goes on in your strange little minds?
4. Crookshanks. That cat is one butch little super-kitty.
Insincerely,
Professor Snape
Dear Professor,
How did you want to torture James Potter after the, um, Levicorpus incident in your fifth year? Please add detail!
Sincerely,
A Sadistically Curious Ravenclaw
Dear Sadistically,
I wanted to do it the Muggle way, honestly- rip out his eyeballs, skin him with a cheese grater and then light anything left on fire. All the while listening to his screams of agony.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
Dear Professor,
WHAT DID HUFFLEPUFF DO TO ME? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HUFFLEPUFF DID TO ME! MY SISTER GOT SORTED INTO HUFFLEPUFF AND NOW SHE'S TURNED HALF THE SCHOOL AGAINST ME BECAUSE SHE'S CONVINCED THEM THAT I'M EVIL! AND YOU ASK WHAT THEY DID TO ME!
Ok, rant over. But you can do way better. It's quite distracting in class when they're all fawning over you. I nearly threw up in my cauldron the other day. That's how bad it got. And I am still wondering if you are really in eternal mourning, by the way, for obvious reasons.
I'm actually not a Drarry shipper, I don't like the pairing (sorry!), but if you just SAID you liked it, everything would be fine.
By the way, which movies do you like? You're a Half-Blood, so you must have watched some movies. Me? I really like Lord of the Rings and this crazy movie about a boy who finds out he's a famous wizard (what a coincidence).
Sincerely,
Perfect Slytherin Girl
Dear Perfect,
Ouch. And I thought Hufflepuff were meant to be nice.
Well. It is rather naseating at times, I suppose. But I can't help it- it's not my fault I'm sexy. And it can be tough being as hot as I am. When I'm at the mall I always have to try to fight 'em off. And it never works. Ever.
I am in eternal mourning. But why does that mean I can't have an hour of fun now and again? It would be unfair to all the poor Huff-'n'-Puffs to force their love to go unapreciated.
Me either. But I will never let that crazy girl win! Never!
I grew up abused, alone and in poverty. We didn't have a TV or a DVD player. Once I saw a Disney movie at a theatre with Lily. I nearly vomited. Completely turned me off animation.
I now enjoy dark, low-budget movies most people have never heard of. They're some of the darkest, most fascinating, most moving films ever made.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
Dear Moz,
Who are the aurors that are keeping our dear Potions professor company?
Some weirdo with this, uh, this eye(I mean it is one heck of an eye!) and some pink haired pig-nosed girl.
Dear Sevvie,
Y'know ya love James - don't try to deny it!
I heard you like the Beatles... I kinda love you now. Which song of their's is your favorite? I can't pick one.
What's your favorite HP pairing out of Sirius B./Severus S. and Harry/Draco? Remember...you got to pick!
Oh! and if you had to pick between being a ballarina or a country singer, which would you be?
Love from,
ProudGryffindor
Dear Proud,
I... but... gah! James Potter? Honestly, I thought Hufflepuff where the ones who had about a third of an IQ point a piece.
Yellow Submarine, purely because it was the first I ever heard.
I refuse to answer on the grounds that doing so would be bad for my mental and emotional health, what little I have left.
To dance ballet takes skill and effort, and ballet can be moving and dark. However, Moz loves ballet, and I cannot risk ever having to dance with that barracuda. Country Singer. Hmm, I could write something pretty decent about Lily, I think. Let me see... I wish you peace and love and happiness in everything you do. Yeah, that's cute. And how about, uh, and wish that everywhere you go someone would give chocolate to you. No, wait, that doesn't work. How about someone would be in love with you? Yes, that works. Huh. This country singer thing is easy.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
Dear Professor Snape,
Did you ever get Lily a gift for Valentine's Day?
What would you do if the Dark Lord and the other Death Eaters started laughing and talking about the time Lily was murdered?
Do you prefer poptarts or toaster strudels?
What do you think about the rumors that you and Scabior are secretly brothers?
How did Lucius get so much money?
Can you believe that some people pair you with Remus in their stories? I think that is absurd because you would never fall in love with him.
Sincerely,
Dragon MoonX
Dear Dragon,
Well, when I was younger I did little things- one year I picked a bouquet of flowers, another year I found all the brightest, smoothest stones in the neighborhood and spelled her name on her front yard. Once we got to Hogwarts I was far too shy to do anything for Valentine's Day. I thought the Marauders would mock me. They would have, but if I could go back I wouldn't have let that stop me.
Get all twitchy and excuse myself. I'd have to, otherwise my cover would be blown and everyone would die.
I like neither, but Moz likes Toaster Strudel. Henchforth, I prefer PopTarts.
I... what rumors? I've never heard any.
He... well, I can't really say explicitely. But, ahem, he... well, it... how do I say it?
Just say, it, Snapie. He got some from his parents, some from Narci's parents, and for the rest he went all LMFAO's Sexy and I Know It, minus the speedos. Now say you ship Drarry!
Never! But thank you for explaining, Moz. I have no idea what that means, but hopefully that was a decent desciption.
I agree. Of course, they also pair me with Sirius and Potter(either one). Sometimes all three at once. I don't think you people have brains, honestly. I really don't.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
Dear Professor Snape,
If you had a time turner, what three things would you go back and change about your life; disregarding the consequences?
Sincerely,
Anonymous
P.S.
KEEP IT UP! STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELEIVE IN! DON'T GIVE IN TO MOZ's DRARRYISH DEMANDS!
Dear Anonymous,
I would tell Lily I loved her, I would stand up to my excuse for a father and I would never become a Death Eater. And if I had a forth thing, I'd give Dumbles a good hard slap.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape
P.S.- Thank you for the support. I appreciate it.
DEAR SNAPE
i hear that some lupin and sirus has mpreg
PUT IN YOUR DARNED NAMES, PEOPLE!,
I... oh, gag me. I'm going to vomit.
Sincerely,
Professor Snape