Hey guys, I hope you like the chapter. It's way shorter than thought it was, but I didn't want to try and stretch it out, as it covered all the stuff I wanted, and when I added more it just felt like I was padding it out for no reason - it didn't add anything! The next one is way longer though, I promise!
I'm off work for a week because I have surgery on Tuesday. Depending on my recovery time it could mean loads of extra chapters because I'll be so bored in bed, or very little writing because I'm in so much pain. Cross your fingers for the former.
Once again, thank you all so much for your kind words. It's really so touching to read your lovely comments on this story, and the first one. What a lovely community we have here :)
I used a couple of Joker/Harley quotes in here that I came across online. I'm not sure if they were from the comics or just made up by people and added to pictures, but they were cool, so they're in the chapter. Credit to the mysterious writers!
Harley dressed hurriedly the next morning. It had taken her hours to get to sleep, then she had overslept and now she was now late. She put on a pair of tight black pants, a t-shirt with a picture of a drunk unicorn on the front, and swept her hair up into her signature pigtails. She applied heavy eye-make up, red lipstick, and put on a pair of bright pink sneakers.
Joker, Selina, and Crane were all in the living room when she came in.
"Finally," Selina remarked. "You sleep the sleep of the dead."
"Tell me about it," Crane muttered, which earned him a death stare from Joker. Crane either didn't notice, or pretended not to, but when he lifted his coffee mug to his lips there was definitely a smile playing on his lips. Harley rolled her eyes, she could do without the two of them trying to out-dick each other today.
"Can we get started now?" Selina asked Joker. He nodded, taking a seat on the couch. Crane moved to an armchair, and Selina stayed standing. Harley sat on the counter of the breakfast bar.
"Where are we at?" She asked.
"Dent's men, combined with Penguin's, have created a considerable force," Crane began. "At least enough to give Bane pause."
"It's not enough," Joker muttered.
Crane continued. "That, alongside the support of Ivy's mutated plants, my fear toxin, and Joker's own men should-"
"It's not enough." Joker interrupted, massaging his temples. "Bane has half the scum in Gotham on his side. We need more."
"More scum? Who else is there?" Harley asked.
Joker sighed, lowering his hands. "The next one is going to be interesting." He looked around the room. "It will need all of us."
"Just so this is on the record, I hate you," Selina groaned, looking down at her ruined shoes, now dripping with brown water. She shot Harley a death stare, but Harley wasn't exactly having the time of her life either. She, Selina, Joker, and Crane were down in the sewers beneath Gotham. They were there for Croc. Since escaping Arkham he'd disappeared down below ground; the only evidence of his existence being the mangled body parts washing out into the river. Harley knew this was a terrible idea. Selina knew this was a terrible idea. Crane knew this was a terrible idea. But for some reason Joker didn't seem to think there would be any problem with heading down into the disguising sewers with nothing but a bag of meat and a couple of guns.
"This feels really stupid," Harley groaned. Something dripped onto her ear, and she wiped it off hastily, mentally cursing the day she ever agreed to be Joker's psychiatrist.
If I hadn't said yes, I'd never be down in this very literal shithole.
Yes, but then you wouldn't have-
Shut up.
"Shhh," Joker hissed. Something was splashing not too far away. The tunnel opened up, and they could see a river of water beyond a nearby railing. The group moved closer, but it was a false alarm. Just some fish eating something rotten; something that looked an awful lot like a dead cat.
"Lovely," muttered, wiping her hand on her dress after absentmindedly touching the wall. She looked down at the green smear on her beautiful black body-con, and shot Harley another death stare. Harley threw one right back, which said: "This isn't my fault!" Selina rolled her eyes but said nothing.
The air was thick and rancid, and the only light came from the emergency lamps lining the slimy, green walls. Most didn't work. "How long are we gonna stay down here?" Harley asked.
"We should split up," Joker said, ignoring her question.
"Well that sounds like the worst idea ever," Crane replied sarcastically. Selina nodded. Harley couldn't help but agree, biting her lip nervously.
"We should stay together," She began, "Splitting up is suicide."
Joker shook his head. "Unless you want to spend the rest of the night down here, we need to find a way to cover more ground."
Selina looked around, Harley could see she definitely didn't want to spend any longer down there than she needed to, but splitting up? That sounded like the finale of a terrible horror movie.
"We should go in pairs," Harley suggested. "It'll be safer than going alone."
"I've got Harley," Selina said immediately, but Joker shook his head.
"No, one of you with Crane, the other one with me-"
"Shotgun Crane," Selina interrupted. Harley rolled her eyes, but Selina had already grabbed Crane by the arm and pulled him off, somewhat reluctantly, in the opposite direction.
"If I die down here, I'm fucking haunting you both." Selina called back as they left. "And you're buying me new shoes!" The two of them disappeared around the corner, leaving Harley and Joker alone. Harley looked in the direction of the other passage, quite possibly darker and more miserable looking than the one Selina and Crane had chosen.
"Looks like it's you and me, baby," Joker grinned.
"Great," Harley replied sarcastically. She fell into step beside Joker, as they made their way deeper into the sewers. Harley shivered, rubbing her hands along her bare arms, fingertips skimming the goose flesh. Joker sighed, pulling off his jacket. Harley shook her head, but he ignored her (of course), putting the jacket over her shoulders. He said nothing, continuing on down the narrow tunnel. Harley absentmindedly breathed in the familiar, fresh smell of Joker's cologne. Why did he have to smell so good? She stole a glance at him, now walking a few steps ahead of her. He was wearing a dark shirt, unbuttoned at the top. She remembered all the times she had ripped the clothes off his body, run her tongue along his muscular chest-
"What are you thinking about?" Joker asked.
"Nothing," Harley replied.
That was way too quick, now you look suspicious!
She tried to take the focus off of herself. "What are you thinking about?"
"You."
Harley raised an eyebrow. "What about me?"
"I've known you for…I don't know, what feels like forever. But you still surprise me every day."
"How so?"
"I don't know why you agreed to come down here. Why you didn't go looking for the Batman the second everything went to hell up there." He nodded upwards.
Harley was confused. "Batman's gone, Bane took him."
Joker waved his hand airily. "Oh come on, Harley, you're resourceful. You could probably track him down in less than two days."
Harley didn't try to keep the irritation out of her voice. "What's your point?"
"My point is, you fancy yourself as one of the good guys: a little quirky perhaps, but generally a good person… So why are you holed up with the villains?"
"I'm confused, are you saying I'm not a good person? Or that I am but I just suck at it?"
Joker grinned. "I have no idea."
"Maybe I'm playing the long game," she countered.
"Oh really?" Joker raised an eyebrow, turning to face her as he walked backwards. "What's the goal?"
Harley toyed with the baseball bat in her hands. "Maybe I wanted to get you down here, away from Jonny and your boys, so I could smash your pretty face in?"
His grin widened. "You think I'm pretty?"
Harley rolled her eyes. "You think I'm so predictable. Maybe I'm over you. Maybe I brought you down here to kill you." Her eyes blazed, but she had to bite her lip in order to fight the smile threatening to creeping across it. Joker stopped, pulling out his gun. Harley's heart began to race, but she tried to hold her composure. He stepped closer to her, pressing the gun into her hand and lifting it to his head. "Well what are you waiting for then?" He purred. His finger rested on top of hers on the trigger, and she felt him exert a little force.
"Don't," she gasped, and his grin widened. He relaxed his finger, leaning a little closer. When he spoke, his voice was just a whisper.
"Don't try to play crazy with me, I'm a lot better at it." He was close, close enough to kiss, but he made no motion to do this, and she remembered the promise he made.
He wants me to beg him.
I have more control than that!
Probably.
"You're beautiful when you're angry, and even more when you're scared." His breath was warm on her face.
"I'm not scared."
Joker said nothing, simply stepping back and continuing on through the sewer as if nothing had happened. Harley shook her head, following him. She held onto the jacket a little tighter.
They approached a railing, the walkway they had been heading down had ended, and behind the barrier was a river of flowing, green-brown water. Harley wrinkled her nose in disgust. Joker moved towards the metal railing, leaning over. He cocked his head, then turned to Harley. "Look at this," he said, gesturing for her to come over.
"What is it?"
"Something…unexpected."
Harley moved closer, leaning on the railing and looking in the direction Joker was pointing. All she could see was the disgusting water. "I don't see-" she was cut off when he pushed her roughly, making her lose her balance completely and almost go head first over the railing. But he grabbed hold of her at the last minute, holding her steady. She spun around to face him, furious, even more so when she saw the smile on his face. She pushed roughly against his chest, but he held her firmly.
"You sick fuck!"
"I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure." He flashed her a winning smile and a wink.
Harley couldn't help it, she let out an exasperated laugh. "I could've fucking drowned!" She hit him again, though with less force.
"I'd never let that happen."
"I can't swim."
"I know."
She sighed. "You know everything."
"Only about you."
"That's creepy."
"It's only because I care."
Harley raised an eyebrow. "And I should feel flattered by that?"
Joker shrugged. "If I like you then you're one of a kind, because I fucking hate everyone."
She cocked her head to one side. "Not everyone. You like Jonny."
Joker thought for a moment. "Jonny's useful, but we're not friends."
"What about Crane? You two seem to be pretty close at the moment."
Joker grinned, "You don't like it, do you?"
"No," Harley admitted. "It makes me uncomfortable."
"I can kill him if it will make you happier, but I seem to recall you expressly forbidding me from doing it."
Harley shook her head. "Is there ever a middle ground with you? Just because I don't like the two of you being friends, doesn't mean the next step is to kill him."
Joker regarded her thoughtfully, as if the idea had never occurred to him. But they didn't have much time to discuss it, because they were interrupted by the sound of screaming. The two of them turned to see Selina and Crane running at full speed towards them. Harley was about to ask what the hell was going on, when she saw the last thing she wanted to see. Killer Croc was close behind the pair, his mouth open in a hungry grin, his jagged teeth glinting even in the poor light down there.
Joker sighed, pulling out his gun, and firing three shots at Croc. He stepped in front of Harley, and when Selina and Crane arrived they stood beside her. Croc had slowed, walking now towards the group. He seemed to register Joker for the first time, and slowed to a halt.
"You almost hit me," Crane panted, glaring at the back of Joker's head.
"Sorry," Joker replied lazily.
"You think you can hurt me with that pea shooter?" Croc laughed, his rasping voice causing Harley to flash back to their one session together back when she was a Doctor at Arkham. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up, and she felt herself subconsciously moving a little closer to Joker. His eyes flicked towards her, but he said nothing. For a moment no one spoke, the only sounds being that of the rushing water behind them, and Crane and Selina's gasping breaths beside Harley.
"Why have you come here?" Croc asked, surveying the group hungrily.
"For you," Joker replied simply.
Croc let out a single, snarling laugh. "You want to die, clown? Because I'm sure there are easier ways to commit suicide. Or did you think you could capture me? A new pet for your collection? Either way, you won't be walking out of here."
"Bane's planning to blow the whole city," Harley interrupted, not liking the grin on Joker's lips. "He'll kill us all unless we stop him: that means you too. We want you to help us."
Croc laughed again, though less heartily. "Why would I do that?"
Crane's sarcastic voice came from her right. "Uh, because of the bomb? The one she just told you about?"
"I'm getting bored," Joker sighed, aiming the gun a little higher. "Mr Croc, you're going to help us because if you don't I'll get my boys to pour acid into your precious sewer and burn you out."
"You think I'm scared of you, clown?" Croc asked, but Harley was surprised to discover that he actually sounded like he might be.
"Tick tock, Croc, what's it gonna be?" Joker asked, pulling the gun back a little.
Croc took an eternity to reply, in which time Harley was sure her heart must've beat at least a thousand times, but finally he growled his response. "What do I have to do?"
Joker grinned. "Exactly what you're good at: when the time comes we want you to come up to the city and eat people. Bane's people."
A grin spread across Croc's reptilian lips. "Now you're speaking my language."
"We'll be in touch," Joker said, taking hold of Harley's hand and pulling her towards the monster. She tried to fight the pounding in her chest (it was nothing to do with Joker, she told herself, just being so close to Croc) and soon they passed the beast, with Crane and Selina close behind.
"That reminds me," Joker muttered thoughtfully, "I need to get me some new shoes."
There was a definite growl from behind them, but Croc made no attempt to follow.
"Don't do that," Harley whispered, but Joker just smiled, still making no attempt to let go of her hand.
They got back to the club without any drama (or without being eaten by a giant crocodile-man, which was a plus) and the group headed upstairs. It was late, but no one wanted to sleep, they were all too hyped from the deal with Croc.
"Do you think he'll stick to his word?" Selina asked, sitting at the kitchen island and opening a bag of potato chips.
"You know, you're welcome to buy your own food," Joker muttered, but Selina just grinned.
"He won't keep his word," Crane replied.
"Then why did he let us go?" Selina asked.
"Because he's scared of Joker," Crane answered. "But that doesn't mean he'll play nice."
Harley looked at Joker, standing by the fridge. "Why is he scared of you?"
Joker shrugged.
"Do you think he'll actually help?"
Joker turned, nodding in Crane's direction. "Crane's right. He'll try to eat us."
"So we're no better off?" Selina sighed.
Joker shrugged again, "He'll probably take out a few of Bane's guys first."
Selina's tone was sarcastic, "Well that's comforting." She turned to Harley. "Do we have anyone else?"
"Just one," Harley replied. She remembered this one: she was dreading it. "Riddler."
Selina rolled her eyes. "I hate that guy, he's such a freak." Her eyes darted to Joker. "Well, compared to most people."
Joker grinned, pressing his hand to his chest, "You wound me."
"Will you come with me?" Harley asked Selina. "I don't want to go alone."
Selina shook her head. "Sorry, doll, the last time I encountered Edward Nigma I stole from him, he tried to kill me, I kicked him where it hurt, then stole some more. Long story short, he hates me and wants me dead. I can't imagine I'd be much help. What about Creepy Crane?"
Crane gave her a cold look. "Charming, I'll never get tired of that."
"Will you come with me?" Harley asked.
"I can't, I'm at Bane's courthouse over the next few days. Besides, Riddler is known to be a bit of a gossip, and I can't afford to have my cover blown."
Harley nodded, that made sense. "Well, I guess I could go-" her eyes met Joker's, he was grinning.
"No," she said firmly.
"Come on, baby, you said yourself you need a hand."
"I feel like you and I have spent enough time together recently."
But Joker wasn't hearing any of it, without saying another word she knew he had won. Like it or not, the two of them would be trying to convince Riddler to join them. She would be going with the craziest guy in Gotham to the base of the second craziest.
Great.