Chapter Ten: Annie
The sun was a watery mixture of light and fog, gently peeping through the dim sky and giving the grass and trees a hazy look. Soon the sun would be out of sight completely and all ladies would be returned to the safety of the indoors, but for now two such ladies walked idly, arm in arm, down a lane that connected to Longbourn. Myself and Charlotte met at our appointed time the day after the party at Lucas Lodge and decided to take in some fresh air. We were also inclined to leave Longbourn as Mrs. Bennet was in a state of high anxiety. Over what exactly, neither of us were sure; only that her nerves were terrible. I felt slightly guilty in leaving Jane with her, but she had insisted that Charlotte and I have our walk.
"Did you hear that the Campbell's will be quitting Meryton in a month's time?" Charlotte brought up. We had fallen into a peaceful silence, broken only by the sudden appearance of Mr. Campbell up ahead on the lane riding towards us on his mammoth of a horse.
"I had heard." I answered, feeling pleased in my knowledge of local gossip. I had Hill to thank for the information. She had looked at me quite strangely when I asked who the Campbells even were but was happy, nevertheless, to divulge all talk on the family that had become old news to everybody else for miles around. "And apparently they won't be taking Mrs. Campbells' ladies maid." I added quietly as Mr. Campbell grew closer.
"I hadn't heard that." Charlotte whispered in my ear before dropping into a short bob of greeting to the rider astride the alarmingly huge horse. Mr. Campbell hardly lifted the brim of his hat to us, indeed he seemed to barely notice us.
We looked after him once he had passed with curious eyes; his form seemed haggard, almost as if he hadn't been getting much sleep or was worried over something.
"Do you suppose the move is an unwanted one - on his part at least?" I put to Charlotte. My friend gave the man a last look and shrugged.
"It is hard to say; he has never been an entirely open man. Perhaps he is only overtired from arrangements."
Neither of us had any other suggestions and soon Mr. Campbell was out of sight, therefore, out of mind so we continued on, slowly making our way back to Longbourn.
"My father will be going up to London in a fortnight." Charlotte introduced to the conversation.
"Really. What for?" I asked without having a real interest. There was something about Charlotte that I felt I couldn't relax around. She wasn't terribly uptight, or a control freak, nor a bossy know-it-all; and without having those traits I didn't see what it was that made me uncomfortable around her. I think it was the way in which she accepted things. You couldn't really get a rise out of her as she would inevitably view it as part of life and nothing unusual. It was a good trait, I suppose, just one I was unused to. Everything was cause and effect in my old life. If people wanted something a certain way they wanted nothing short of that and if they were unsatisfied the usual moaning of how their life sucked or that they had the worst luck would ensue. It was oddly refreshing to see life from the point of view of the nineteenth century. I only wished that Charlotte wouldn't be so calm all the time.
"He is to meet with a Lord Hanbea, a Devon from Mayhill Hall. I believe he is an acquaintance of Mr. Darcy's as well. Eliza, are you well?"
"Did you say Devon? As in a Devon of Devonshire?"
"Yes, I believe Lord Hanbea is from Devonshire. Do you know him?"
"No." I answered her absently. My thoughts were all on this mysterious Devon person again; someone who had never even been mentioned in the book was now not only going to be visiting Mr. Darcy at Pemberly, but was summoning Sir William to London.
"Why does Lord..."
"Hanbea."
"...Lord Hanbea want to see you father?"
"I don't know the particulars, nor does father yet from what I gather; it is a great honour, to be sure."
"I wonder who he is." I said more to myself though loud enough for Charlotte to hear. "You may see that my interest has been piqued." I admitted.
"You did show more enthusiasm for my news than I thought necessary." She remarked with an amused quirk of her brow.
"It was Mr. Darcy who had first mentioned the name to me," I explained. "My curiosity has only grown stronger now with your news of who this man may be."
"I hear he is an older gentleman; I fear he may not have the stamina to keep up with you, Eliza dear." Longbourn was coming into view and I had been watching the spiraling smoke emitting from the chimneys when I swiveled my head towards my friend.
"Charlotte! That was the farthest thing from my mind, you insinuating imp."
"Imp, is it?" I was relieved to see her smile. I had name-called her before thinking of how she may take it and was worried I had crossed a line. But living up to her qualities, she took it in her stride and teased me back.
"How am I supposed to know your intentions when you so eagerly ask after the gentleman. Oh look, it's Kitty - alone again, I see. Has something happened between her and Lydia?"
I cast a glance at the young girl scurrying back to the house with many darting looks over her shoulder; clearly she didn't see us before turning into the front garden of the house as she would have most likely stopped to acknowledge us.
"Not that I know of. I wonder why Lydia isn't with her?" I wondered aloud, a bit of worry creeping into my voice.
"She may already be home; the light is falling see." Charlotte helpfully pointed to the receding sun.
"You had better return home, Charlotte. You don't want to be caught in the dark."
"I agree." She pecked my cheek in parting and then turned her feet in the direction of Lucas Lodge.
My own feet continued on the way home, but in a much more leisurely pace. Night in the country did not frighten me, how could it after having ventured out into the modern city streets of London at midnight. It was a short break from having to talk with anybody as Charlotte and I had walked during the time I usually took for myself. Mrs. Bennet would hopefully be recovered from whatever it was that had ailed her this afternoon and if not then not. I was required to return home before the day had completely vanished, yet I found myself taking one last turn rather than entering the grounds of Longbourn.
"Just a few more minutes." I said to myself. The air was cold but there was no wind so my cloak stayed warm and snug around my upper body. Only my legs and feet suffered a bit from the temperature, but I found myself ignoring that as the night was so calm and peaceful.
In the distance, I heard a meow and was forcefully reminded of my lovely Jax. I missed his sweet face and big eyes that would look at me as if he knew what I was thinking.
"Oh, Jax," I muttered, feeling a bit of a choke in the back of my throat; "what has happened."
The darkness of night was beginning to overwhelm the faint sun and stars were starting to shine into existence far away to the west of the earth's horizon. "Same stars. Different time."
I hadn't been expecting a response to my statement so I was taken by surprise by the sudden burst of frail crying I heard somewhere up ahead.
"Hello?" I timidly raised my voice, suddenly feeling how dangerous the country could be at night with no one around for miles to help or hear you. The crying only continued and I realized it was a child's.
"Hello? Are you hurt?" Cautiously I walked towards the crying, squinting my eyes through the dimness of light. The moon had yet to rise to shed some assistance on where I now tripped and stumbled in my nervous anxiety to reach the crying child. There was a copse of trees that loomed out of the increasing night, their bare limbs intensifying my desire to discover whoever was in distress and then return home as fast as possible. The crying was close now, from somewhere in the array of broad trunks.
"Oh." I whimpered, stopping short in front of the menacing silhouettes of the trees. Very much did I dislike the prospect of entering the thicket, but the call of the crying child proved to have a stronger influence than my fear. It was hard to see much with the dark shadows pooling at the base of the trees and more than once I had to catch myself from falling over an unseen root. All the while the crying went on, bringing a cry of my own to my throat.
"Where are you?"
There was a large tree to my right that I used as a guide to maneuver around a corner when I saw an abnormal lump protruding from the roots. It was a bundle of cloth on the hard, frigid ground; too cold to wriggle around in fear but not too weak to cry from it.
"Oh, my G-d." I lunged forward, crashing down to my knees and scooping up the baby into my arms. It's crying rose a pitch at the sudden movement but returned to it's normal tone as it's energy was quickly leaving it.
"Oh, my - . Who did this to you?" I cried in earnest distress. I blew heat into my hands and rubbed them against the swaddled babe trying restore some warmth to the vulnerable body. "Come on, my dear, let's get you nice and warm and fed."
Rising to my feet, I tucked the baby under the safety of my cloak, left the nightmarish copse, and hurried home. I went immediately for the kitchen where I knew I would find a warm fire. Upon entering, I found no Hill, though I did see some broth sitting most welcomingly on the table.
"Alright, you poor little babe, let's set you by the fire." With one hand, I pushed the grate in front of the crackling flames, undid the latch of my cloak, set it on the hard floor and placed the baby on it. "You wait there while I get you something to eat." I whispered. Thankfully, the child had stopped its crying and was showing signs of exhaustion as it's translucent eyelids appeared heavier than they were, closing over the big brown orbs. The heat that now enveloped the child played a merry glow over its round, soft face.
"Right. How do I feed you?" I asked myself aloud. The broth was the choice food, but the choice method of serving it to the baby was a problem that needed some consideration. "I suppose sippy cups aren't all the rage yet." I sarcastically mumbled to myself as I scoured the shelves and cupboard for something suitable. The baby was lying absolutely still causing me to go over and keep checking that it was still breathing. It was in a deep sleep with only a single dried tear streaking the side of its face.
There was some cloth and if I remembered correctly I had once seen in a period movie (I don't remember which one) that they had dipped the cloth into the milk and then the baby had sucked it. Well, if it was the closest thing to breast feeding, it would have to do.
I poured the broth into a bowl and brought it over to where the baby lay.
I don't know how much time passed, or how long Hill had been absent from her kitchen, but I knew my family would be worried over me. In fact, half my mind was wondering why I wasn't hearing shouts of inquiry as to my whereabouts.
"Something must be happening." I whispered to the sleeping baby. A few times it crossed my mind to venture up to where the family would be, but I was scared of leaving the baby so near the fire and I didn't dare move it from it's warmth either, so I stayed. Dinner would have to be served soon anyway.
At last, the baby began to stir and I saw the tiny little rose bud of a mouth quiver. There were no teeth to be seen and given it's size the child was almost assuredly a newborn. A list of awful thoughts against the people who did this sprung up in my mind. To leave a defenceless child out in the freezing weather to die was something so inexplicably cruel that once again I was reminded that Pride & Prejudice was no longer a story but real life with real cads walking the same earth as everybody else.
"Come, my love, would you like some warm broth?" The brown eyes opened and stared up at me. I brought the soaked tip of the cloth to the baby's mouth and the round lips did not hesitate to latch onto it. The sucking sound was quite loud for such a little thing; it must not have had something in it's belly for hours. I repeated the action multiple times, the baby growing stronger with each refilling.
"Bless me! What's that?"
The alarmed voice of Hill startled me out of my task. "Hill, you'll never believe - a child, they left a baby out in the cold with nothing. To die!"
"They never." She narrowed her eyes at the bundle to make sure that it was indeed a babe inside the layers of cloth.
"Does thou knoowas whose done this filth of a job?"
"I saw no one. I only heard the child's crying."
"Lad or lass?"
"Uh...you know, I haven't even checked that yet." Hill approached and we both unswaddled the baby to expose the secret of her gender.
"A lass. A poor wee lass. What's thou givin' it?"
"Broth. I couldn't find milk." I added as I saw Hill's quizzical look.
"Milk for the bonny lass." She cooed, scooping the child up with an arm, bear bum and all. I stood after her, wiping away the small splatters of broth that had dropped onto my frock.
"The missus has been askin' for you. Thou'd better go up. Oi'll look after the wee bairn."
"Should I tell her." I gestured at the baby that was now being treated to the milk Hill had revealed.
"It's nae somethin' that could be kept hidden long, is it?" Hill reasoned in a soft sing song voice that the baby seemed to enjoy very much.
"No," I laughed; "there would be no chance of hiding her. I'll be back directly."
I climbed the step that led into the hall and followed the corridor until I heard the sound of talking in the drawing room.
"Lizzy, there you are." Jane rose from where she was sitting to come and greet me. Beside her I saw Lydia in a very reclined attitude and not looking too pleased. At least she was home, I thought.
"You were much longer than you said you'd be? Is Charlotte to walk home in the dark. Perhaps we could send the carriage after her so she might not walk so alone - "
"Jane, Charlotte is already home, I'm sure, and as to my lateness...I discovered something on the road that couldn't be left."
"On the road! What can you mean to be finding something on the road and bringing it home! And how my nerves have suffered today; you mean only to vex me, I am sure." Mrs. Bennet moaned rather petulantly.
"No, mama. I did not bring the abandoned babe home for the sole purpose of annoying you." My statement had the desired effect of capturing everyone's attention.
"A baby?"
"On the road?"
"Abandoned?"
"Such selfish and cruel people I never wish to know." This last from the iron maiden of the time. She seemed to have quite forgotten her nerves as the subject of harmed children did much to stir her compassion it appeared. "Where is the baby now?"
"In the kitchen with Hill. She was so cold that I wanted her to warm up a bit by the fire before feeding her, though I don't think I did a good job on choosing what to give her. Hill quite relieved me of my duties."
"Well, we must see the darling child. Lizzy, go fetch her."
I did as I was told and was pleased at how welcome a reception the little girl was getting.
Hill had changed her nappies and was presently burping her with a soft hand to her back.
"The missus wishes to see the bairn." She guessed. I nodded. The transfer was easy and the baby curled herself into my chest, lazily searching for my breast, though I think she was full as she soon gave up the search. She was such a healing weight in my arms, so solid and smooth and so beautiful. I was almost loathe to give her up when Mrs. Bennet caught sight of her, but mama was not to be denied.
"Oh, she is precious. A little angel to be discovered."
They all stood to gather around Mrs. Bennet, even Mr. Collins who asked, "did you identify the culprits?"
"No. Only the baby was there. It was her crying that first alerted me to her presence."
"The poor darling was crying! I daresay I would cry if I had been left for dead."
"I believe you would do more than that." I muttered to myself.
Lydia stood behind her mother gazing with a smile at the baby when she was reminded of something.
"Lizzy, you do not know yet!"
"What don't I know?"
Apparently Mrs. Bennet knew as her eyes lit up even more with a hint of triumph.
"An invitation has come today from Netherfield for our presence at a ball; Mr. Bingley has even included Mr. Collins! Isn't that the most gracious act. What a gentleman!"
"Mama, not so loud. She is trying to sleep." I politely tried to point out.
"Oh, yes so she is. Perhaps you had better take her."
I received her without complaint.
"So a ball." I continued the conversation. "For what date?"
"The 26th!" Mrs. Bennet beamed with a handkerchief held tightly in her hand. "Oh, Jane, Jane!" She continued with the largest grin. If Jane's expression was anything to go by, she had been hearing exclamations of this sort for a good part of the day.
"It must be on your account, Jane dear."
"I do not see why, mama." Jane politely argued. "It is not unusual for a gentleman to receive guests for dancing and dinner. Mr. Bingley is only being a kind neighbor."
"Jane."
"A kind neighbor!" Mrs. Bennet and I spoke at the same time, eliciting a giggle from the younger girls in the room. "A kind neighbor indeed who shows every respect to you and your family. What an honour to be so admired Jane!" Mrs. Bennet urged, railroading my own remark to the side with the intensity of her gusto in seeing her eldest daughter married.
"What do we do with her?" Kitty asked, turning the topic back to the baby.
"You would do well to bring her to your church if she is unwanted - "
"Don't say that." I interrupted Mr. Collins.
"I only meant, cousin, unwanted by those who so easily dispensed of her." He explained with an emphasis of gentleness which only came off as if he were speaking to the deaf and dumb.
"Yes, I know, only...she's not unwanted." I said truthfully, yet quietly.
"Lizzy?" I heard the horrified hitch in Mrs. Bennet's voice and was almost tempted to laugh had I not the serious consideration of keeping little Annie, as I was beginning to call her in my head.
"You can not mean -"
"No, I suppose not, but - "
"But..." Mama's eyes were round in alarm and had her handkerchief been equipped with a throat it would have been choked to death.
"It is hard." I said simply, clutching Annie closer to me. There was a short silence in which I felt the entire rooms' eyes staring wholes into me. I knew what I was suggesting was not the way and sounded almost absurd for someone in my station, but I had not lived this life. I was not immune to the rules and structures of society and all I knew was that I didn't want to give Annie up to just anyone, especially not the church where she would be passed over for years as just another orphan.
"I think I will go up. I'm not hungry. Please excuse me." No one said a word as I left the room and I barely made it out before my stomach gave a loud grumble.
"Alright, little Annie, let's get you settled for the night." She was lying in the middle of my bed with a white cloth wrapped around her; something Hill had dug up for me along with the milk I would need for the midnight feedings as well as some food for myself. I had asked her not to mention the last bit to the others since I didn't want them knowing I had eaten without them and in my room. It was only bread and cheese, but it had filled me up nicely. They were, however, informed of my desire to have the baby with me this night.
There was no cot for Annie so she was to share my bed. The only thing that concerned me was the possibility of my rolling on top of her or her rolling on her stomach and smothering herself, therefore I built a small cocoon around her made of pillows and blankets, keeping her in place. As of yet, despite her first crying fit (which was quite understandable) she was showing a very docile nature. She didn't open her eyes too much, though she made plenty of gurgling noises in the back of her throat.
"Little Annie." I whispered, stroking a single finger down the bridge of her button nose. She wrinkled her face into a small smile and then let it drop again.
"What are we to do with you, hmm?" I sighed, feeling a leaden weight in my chest.
The chilly air prompted me to get under the covers, though it took some time for sleep to come. The Netherfield Ball was finally happening; I had almost forgotten about it. Would that mean Jane will soon be bereft of Mr. Bingley? Or maybe not. I didn't know anymore.
"Oh, Annie, if only you knew you shared a bed with a time traveler you might look a little more interested in me." I said, propping myself up on an elbow to lay a hand on her small chest. She only smacked her lips together and turned her head away. Most likely getting into a more comfortable position.
"No need to rub it in." I smiled, stroking her round cheek. "You see, I don't know who I can tell - if I can tell anybody about who I really am. Who would believe me? If I made a claim like that in my world I'd be sent to the loony bin - Lord knows what they'd do here." I spoke to her long into the night as if she were a grown person. It didn't matter to me if she was asleep or not; she was a living person that I was finally telling the truth of my experiences to. Had she been awake it wouldn't have made a difference, she wouldn't have been able to understand me anyway.
It was a little past two in the morning when Annie woke for her milk. I had dozed of, not remembering that I had shut my eyes with my hand still on her tiny frame. She began to wriggle and reach out her pudgy little fists; her best way of demanding before full out crying. Thankfully I woke just in time to bring her the milk before she had the chance to wake the whole house.
I scooped her into my arms and she went immediately for my breast. "Oi, not there!" I softly exclaimed, jolted by the foreign feeling. "Here." I held the make shift milk dispenser to Annie's mouth and she was contended. My mind relaxed at her happy silence; I had had some nerves about the feeding. I knew that sometimes I could be a heavy sleeper, but I suppose with a babe around instincts kick in and everything is altered.
There was no rocking chair, only a small wooden seat that went with the writing desk, hardly comfortable but not utterly useless. I pulled it up to the edge of the bed and placed the bowl of milk on it. Apparently the world had yet to discover nightstands as there were none to be found in any of the bedrooms.
Rocking her slowly back and forth on the thick mattress, Annie drank her fill, gracing me with the sight of her big brown eyes. She watched me the whole time, even when the soaked cloth was taken away to be refilled she had eyes for me alone and only found the milky tip again by searching blindly with her mouth. I had to laugh at the cute expression she pulled while doing it.
At last she hiccuped and refused to suckle the cloth anymore; instead she was showing her more rambunctious side. She flailed her arms out as I tried to lift her to my shoulder to burp her; her tiny fingers easily getting snared in the tangles of my hair.
"Ooh. Ow. Annie. Shh." I cooed, rubbing my hand in circular motions against her back. She seemed to like that as her case of the fidgets halted for a moment and I was able to burp her.
"Brah!"
"Annie." I turned my head, surprised at the rather loud burp something so small emitted. She giggled and tried to mimic her own burp, no doubt trying to get a reaction out of me again.
"You're a little trickster, aren't you?" I asked, holding her up before me. She only swung her small feet around in answer, however I detected a mischievous dimple surfacing on one of the round cheeks.
"Well, ask anyone and you'll find out that I'm all for mischievousness - just not at a quarter to three in the morning. So let's get you sleepy again, alright."
I placed her back in her cocoon of pillows and blankets and had to give her my hand as a distraction from trying wriggle her way out of her bed.
"What shall we do to get you tired?" I thought. A memory came back to me of a faceless voice that had sung to me when I was small. My mother's mother, my grandmother whom I only had scattered memories of, but of whom I could remember her sweet voice and lovely songs. Her Irish lilt had always soothed me and made an impression on me that I sometimes dreamt of her, though her face was never the same. Sometimes she had rosy cheeks, other times she was more pale, and certain times I couldn't see her face at all but could only hear her singing to me as if from far away, from a land over the sea.
"Alright Annie, from my grandmother to me and now from me to you:
Lay down your head and I'll sing you a lullaby
Back to the years of loo-li lai-lay
And I'll sing you to sleep and I'll sing you tomorrow
Bless you with love for the road that you go.
Annie's pudgy hands slowly stopped their tugging of my fingers as her eyes focused on me with a dreamy interest.
May you sail fair to the fair fields of fortune
With diamonds and pearls at your head and your feet
And may you need never to banish misfortune
May you find kindness in all that you meet.
May there always be angels to watch over you
To guide you each step of the way
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay
My voice continued to grow softer as Annie's eyes continued to grow dimmer.
May you bring love and may you bring happiness
Be loved in return to the end of your days
Now fall off to sleep I'm not meaning to keep you
I'll just sit for a while and sing loo-li, lai-lay
May there always be angels to watch over you
To guide you each step of the way
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay.
I finished the song in barely a whisper, satisfied to see the even rise and fall of Annie's chest and her closed eyes. Carefully, I removed my hand from her loose grip and settled back under the covers, blowing the candle out as I did so.
"Goodnight, dear little Annie."
A/N: Hello, hello everyone and Happy New Year! I hope you all had good Holidays. I myself had a very wonderful eight days of Chanukah with many latkes, a little too much chocolate, fun gifts, and the beautiful Menorah that shone so beautifully on the eighth day with all the candles burning, and I can't seem to stop humming Maoz Tzur to myself.
I know I am a week late in updating but with the explanation above you can see my very valid excuse :) I want to thank you all again for reviewing and following and favoriting. And Analyn d'Ettore when I saw your review I could have slapped my hand to my forehead. I actually do know Las Vegas is in Nevada but for some reason I was so focused on the balloon ride and I knew that they had those in Arizona so I guess I just lobbed it all together. Let's say that they then drove to Nevada to go to the strip.
This weeks question will not be about Pride & Prejudice or anything like that, instead: What was your favorite moment that happened this holiday season?
I already said mine, when all the candles were lighted on the Menorah. Though I guess I'll have to add getting a paint set. That made me a happy camper.
'Til next time.