Author's Notes:
This was a fluke, I swear. I totally did not mean to write it this fast! XD I think it's because I was excited about finally moving the story along.
Big thanks to Mistress Nashya for always helping me with outfits, haha, and thanks to Gimmik for inspiring one of the spreads from a fanart of hers, and also thanks to Chama for helping with elusive facial expressions, thanks to Ki and Lane for listening to me rant about later plot factors, aaand lastly, thanks to Jess for the best commentary in the world. :3
Chapter Ten: The Fantasy Ends
-o-o-
"—your hand touching another boy's—"
"It's called a DICK, Rena!"
Sora had never had anyone fight in front of him before.
His mother occasionally would yell at him for some reason or another, but he had never witnessed actual screaming or anger so raw that it even hurt to overhear. He had no choice but to watch as Riku yelled at his aunt who shrieked at him in return, both of them livid and tight-fisted, raising off their heels to better meet the other's face.
"Riku—you—I'm taking you immediately back to Atropos—"
"You can't!"
It scared Sora. He wanted to cover his ears and curl up and just cry in a vain attempt to empty himself of these overwhelming emotions. His heart was still hammering from a few minutes ago when he and Riku had been together on the bed, and all of the fear and excitement he had felt then had only gotten worse, something painful twisting in his gut as he listened to them fight.
"—knew this was a mistake from the start—"
"Fuck you, I'm nineteen—I don't have to follow your fucking rules anymore! It's MY life!!" Riku snapped, green eyes burning with rage.
He hated seeing Riku this out of control. He was terrified of the sound of Riku's fury. He didn't have a clue how to help, or to hide, or even to act, and so he just stood there, petrified. He could only watch.
Rena was ranting, close to tears in her desperation to get her words out, and Sora had the distinct feeling that, back on Atropos, these two had fought before, if not often.
"—wasting your family's money!" she continued, sounding increasingly like a banshee as she kept raising her voice over Riku's. "What are you going to give your children!"
Riku's face twisted with absolute fury. "I'm not going to have children! I'm GAY!"
"This isn't what your parents wanted for you, Riku—!" she returned with another shriek.
Riku threw his hand out to the side. "Then fuck my parents, too!" he screamed.
That ended it.
Even Sora gasped, covering his mouth, appalled that he had just heard that.
Riku's voice faded in the room, leaving the atmosphere thick with disbelief, Rena's eyes wide and her colored cheeks turning pale at his words. Then, eyebrows drawing sharply together in disappointment, her hand came up, quick, cracking clean across his face.
Sora winced at the harsh sound, clutching his hoodie as he watched Riku's face snap to the side. Riku's jaw tightened, but he didn't flinch at the smack, his eyes reflecting a hint of grief in all of his anger.
Rena leaned close to Riku, speaking directly into his ear in a cruel, pointed hiss.
"You've disgraced us enough, Riku."
Then, as fast as the blow had been, Riku's eyes sharpened into a cold glare that scared Sora even more. He watched Riku's lips pull into a heavy line, a hint of red slowly tracing down his chin. Blood. One of Rena's rings must have cut him.
She spun on her heel, brushing her blonde hair back, and left the room without another word, leaving the boys alone. The sounds of her heels disappeared down the stairs, and it was a long moment before Sora released the breath he had been holding.
Feeling sick from everything he had gone through today, he bit his lip, terrified and unsure of himself. It was all moving so fast for him that he wasn't even sure what to think anymore. He felt hollow and overwhelmed all at once. He didn't even want to imagine how Riku must have been feeling.
He glanced at the older boy, who hadn't moved since the slap.
Silver hair hung in his face, most of it fallen out of his ponytail from Sora's fingers earlier. Sora couldn't see his eyes, but the tension in his shoulders and jaw were evident. He was upset. Tentative, Sora stepped forward, not sure what to do but feeling like he ought to do something anyway.
He reached a hand out, touching a stiff shoulder.
Riku recoiled and roughly brushed him off, pushing his hand away.
Sora's heart sank at the rejection. Biting his lip, he took a step back, warily watching Riku, feeling like he was dealing with something dangerous that could lash out at him at any time. He wanted to help, but... He had never comforted someone before. And Riku didn't seem to want him there...
Fighting back unwanted emotions, Sora started to turn away, completely at a loss for words.
He had only taken a step towards the door when he felt a warm hand suddenly catch his wrist. Before he could even squeak, he was being whirled around and enveloped in Riku's arms. Sora blinked, feeling Riku's grip tighten around him, holding him against his firm chest. The heartbeat beneath his ear was fast, and it took Sora a moment to realize that he was trembling because Riku was.
Sora lifted his face, glancing up as best as he could in his position, and saw the lower half of Riku's face. His bottom lip was quivering, and that alone almost broke Sora's heart.
Riku crying? God, he didn't want to see that...!
Hesitantly, Sora slid his arms around Riku in return, rubbing a hand into the small of his back. It was the only form of comfort he could think of. Riku did not relax, but Sora kept on running a gentle circle there, closing his eyes and breathing softly, trying to calm himself down as well.
Despite Riku's bold statements and cocky smiles, Sora now knew that underneath all of that acting still remained some of the Riku he had known so long ago. Eleven years had been enough to build his new demeanor and life, but it hadn't been enough to erase the small girlish boy that Sora had once protected against bullies.
Sora turned his face, nuzzling it into Riku's shirt, and wondered why he still wanted to cry.
The rapping of high heels against the stairs alerted the two of them of Rena's return. Sora immediately pulled away, heart leaping inside of him, but he held onto Riku's arm, giving him a concerned look. Riku was wiping at an eye and already turning away.
"You need to leave," he managed to say, his voice firm but soft.
And Sora did want to leave, but he didn't want to just abandon Riku like that. He hesitated, freezing when Riku's aunt appeared in the doorway. Mascara running, her green eyes focused right on him and then his hand on Riku's arm, and Sora promptly moved away from the other boy, feeling self-conscious under her angry stare.
"Go on," Riku whispered, pushing gently at Sora's back.
The boy glanced from Rena to Riku, unsure, but Riku gave him a pleading look that made up his mind for him.
Sora left the room, listening to the door close behind him. He waited in the hallway, curious but dreading listening to another fight, and he stayed anyway, slouching against the wall and holding himself.
The voices didn't start off raised. Though muffled from beyond the door, Sora could tell their tones were thick with tension, and it didn't take long for their edgy conversation to turn into a full blown argument again. He was sure the whole house could probably hear them as well.
Screams of, "I want my own life!" and "I don't fucking care what other people think!" came frequently from Riku.
On his aunt's side, she had quotes she had heard from people on the ferry on her way over here. It seemed she had been informed of Riku's homosexuality even before she had seen it for herself. Sora guessed that his and Riku's making out had definitely confirmed the rumors.
"No one is comfortable with you moving in here! You're going to get yourself hurt, Riku!"
Was their situation really that bad? Sora couldn't help thinking about Bickson again. Even the bullies at the restaurant. And some of the uncomfortable looks people had given them...
But then, there were the other people, too. Kairi and Tidus were on his side. Selphie was even working for Riku. Yuna, too, had been polite. Aerith was probably going to be upset about that table Riku had overturned, but she had tried to break up the confrontation earlier. Even that girl who had asked for Riku's autograph—surely she had known that he was gay.
Not everyone was so hostile towards them.
Them. That's right. He was branded as gay already, and always would be.
As their argument went in circles and only got louder, Sora felt more and more sick to his stomach. He pushed away from the wall and headed downstairs, noticing the grim faces of the people waiting around below. Everyone had been listening.
Sora glanced at all of them, noticing how Cid wouldn't meet his eyes, how concerned Tifa and Selphie looked, how uncomfortable Irvine seemed. Sora turned, moving towards the kitchen, brushing past Cloud.
"I tried to warn you two," the blonde whispered as Sora passed, but the boy bit his lip, unable to say anything in reply.
The ominous melody of "The Imperial March" abruptly went off, making Cloud flinch and scramble for his cell phone, and Sora left him behind to deal with Sephiroth's insistent calling.
Leon and Seiya were seated at the dining table. He met Leon's gaze first, his gray eyes calm and unconcerned as if to silently tell Sora, Don't panic. It was comforting. His mom, on the other hand, immediately got to her feet and rushed to his side, and he was surprised to find her so flustered.
"Oooh, I wanted to march right up there so badly," she said, sounding vindictive as she tugged Sora to a chair, "but they wouldn't let me. I swear, yelling at Riku like that—it makes me so mad."
Sora numbly nodded, sitting where she put him. She dragged her own chair close to his, holding his hands and looking into his face.
"Sora-baby, are you okay?" she asked, lifting a hand to run her fingers over his forehead, brushing his bangs aside even though they just fell back into place. "What am I saying, of course you aren't..." She sighed, shaking her head. Sora didn't have to look to know that she was giving him the expression that she reserved for hurt puppies and her broken kitchen utensils. "I just want you to know that neither of you boys deserve that kind of lashing out. You two have done nothing wrong."
Sora nodded again, lifting his gaze to hers. "Mom, it's okay." She studied his face, saying nothing, and Sora knew that she didn't believe him. "It'll be okay," he insisted, not even sure he believed it. "This was supposed to happen... She's just a day early." Riku was unprepared. That's all, he added silently, mostly to comfort himself. It was true, though. Riku had planned on traumatizing his aunt by 'accidentally' showing her he was gay.
If anything, she'd had uncannily good timing according to the plan. Sora and Riku had been fooling around a day early, and she had shown up just in time. It just had been bad timing on Riku's part. He hadn't expected to go that far, probably.
Well, Sora thought wryly, at least it was more believable this way.
If things did go according to Riku's plan, his aunt would leave him alone for good about getting married and stuff. And then...Well, and then Sora had no reason to be his pretend boyfriend anymore.
As Sora dwelled on this fact, there came the pounding of high heels on the stairs and then the sharp slam of the front door, practically shaking the foundation of the large house.
Seiya released a sigh. "I hope she's gone for good this time," she muttered, getting to her feet and rubbing her side. Sora glanced up at her, and she gave a tired smile. "Go talk to Riku. He'll need it..."
Talk to Riku. After all that?
Sora bit his lip, anxiety eating away at him, but he knew he should listen to her. Riku would need someone to be there for him.
"And while you do that, I'm going to head home," she said, rubbing at her neck this time.
Confused, Sora looked at her again, brow furrowing as he asked, "Why? You never go home before making dinner..."
"I'm putting Leon in charge," she said, and Sora again noticed how weary she seemed. "I'm not feeling very well."
Mom's sick? was his first concern, and it showed on his face as he watched her. But then... Wait, Leon can cook? Since when? The thought was slightly amusing despite the situation, but he brushed it off, standing up. "Are you going to be okay by yourself at home?" he asked, unable to remember the last time he had left his mom home alone that long since he had graduated. Then again, a part of him realized that he probably wasn't going to be staying here most of the night anyway.
She smiled and patted his cheek. "Sweetie, you're so cute." Then she reached for her spatula, getting that gleam in her eye. "Now go talk to Riku before I make you."
Sora glanced at Leon, but the man said nothing, just giving him that same look from before.
Don't panic.
Taking a deep breath, Sora braced himself and nodded, turning away from them. He left the kitchen, but Tifa caught him before he could climb the stairs. She was actually dressed differently today, wearing an almost professional attire instead of her more alluring casual outfits. He blinked up at her as she stepped in front of him, giving him a guarded smile.
"Tifa?" he asked, wondering what she wanted.
"Hey Sora," she said, reaching out for his hand and taking it. "I got called back into work. They want to get some of the women's fall and winter stuff done, and I'm on the list. I'm goin' home tonight."
So soon? But... It hadn't even been a week yet...
Sora's face fell as he looked down at his hand clasped in hers. He tightened his fingers around hers and shook them, sad she was leaving already. It was like his own slap in the face. Tifa was leaving. He had just met her, but she was already moving on with her life again. The others were eventually going to leave, too, not just her. He had almost forgotten...
Cid, Irvine... maybe even Cloud, Leon, and Riku if things didn't work out.
"So soon..." was all he managed to get out, knowing he looked uneasy.
She gripped his hand firmly in hers and tugged him closer, smile spreading. "Don't worry about it. We all really like you, Sora," she said. "And if Riku has his way, we'll be seeing a lot more of you. Aaand, I like this place, so I'll be coming to visit. With a swimsuit next time, when the house is open for business, you know?"
Sora returned her smile, lowering his face. "Okay."
She squeezed his hand again and released it. When Sora lifted his gaze, he saw her expression turn fond and a little reminiscent. "Take care of Riku, okay?" she said. "He's more fragile than he seems." But then she paused, giving Sora an amused smirk. "I think you know that now though." Patting his shoulder, she started to turn away. "Oh, and put those magazines to good use!" she added in a loud whisper, winking as she lifted a hand in a wave. "Bye!"
Blushing, Sora waved in return. Her suggestion reminded him of the predicament he was currently in.
Glancing up the stairs, his smile slowly faded. He took one step at a time, worried about what he would find in Riku's room. Put in his situation, Sora honestly didn't know how he would handle the pressure of all those family expectations and social prejudices while hiding who he really wanted to be...
Maybe this whole thing wasn't just about Riku 'following his dream' or even trying to win Sora over. Maybe it was his way of breaking free of everything people had tried to shape him into.
While Sora felt sorry for him, he couldn't help... admiring him, too.
His aunt and the rest of the world might not understand why Riku would want to throw away his family legacy in exchange for a chance to be different, but something like that took courage. Why live your entire life hiding who you really are just because everyone expects you to? In the end, who is really in the wrong? The person who breaks the social norms for a chance to be happy? Or the people who condemn him for trying to be true to himself?
Sora wished he had a passion like that—something that could drive him to leave this island and pursue something he really loved. The problem, of course, was that Sora didn't have any real interests... or the drive to find any.
But...
Sora stopped in front of Riku's room, steeling himself. Somehow, he knew that Riku was his key to finding that future he wanted. Whatever happened here, in this house, during this summer, and with Riku... It was his chance to grow.
Releasing a steady breath, he stepped through the door, scanning the room for the other boy.
Riku was on his bed facing the wall, legs folded in front of him. He didn't seem to be upset, judging from his stature, but... Sora couldn't tell for sure.
"She left," Sora offered quietly, though the statement was obvious. Rena had slammed the front door so hard that Cid was likely to find cracks in the house infrastructure. He moved forward, carefully studying his friend, who didn't turn to acknowledge him.
Riku just gave a sigh, and when he spoke, his tone was eerily calm. "Yeah... she did." He sounded tired, and Sora expected to hear relief or some other sign that Riku cared about what had just happened, but there was none.
"So what now?" he asked, wishing he could sound half as impassive as the other boy.
This time Riku turned, placing a hand on his bed to keep his balance as he regarded Sora. "Well... I won," he said, still sounding neutral. His eyes lowered thoughtfully. "I guess... everything's going to continue as planned."
Which, of course, meant that there was no reason for them to pretend to be boyfriends anymore. Riku was free... and now so was Sora. Why did that kind of hurt to think about?
He was reluctant to bring it up, but it had to be done. He wanted to know for sure. And, more importantly, he wanted to know how Riku felt about it.
"So... what does this mean?" he asked, and then cautiously added, "About us?"
Riku's shoulders straightened, and Sora wondered what it meant. His tone was still empty when he replied, "Well... we don't have to pretend anymore."
"Oh..." Sora bit his lip, noticing that Riku wasn't looking at him. Did that mean that Riku didn't want him there anymore? "Yeah..." He paused, speaking quietly. "That's true..." Maybe Riku had just been using him after all.
The silence after his statement lingered, creating an awkward, tense atmosphere that steadily weighed on Sora's heart.
Then, still not meeting Sora's eyes, Riku said evenly, "So... you're free."
Sora's jaw tightened. He was confused. If Riku really liked him that much, why wasn't he asking him to stay? Surely their afternoon together had proven something about their so-called 'fake' relationship. Had Riku not noticed? Had he thought it had been an act? Why was he being like this?
"So that's it, then?" Sora asked, controlling the resentment rising inside of him.
He didn't want to leave.
Riku seemed to hesitate, and then he silently glanced at Sora, as if something had occurred to him. He moved off the bed and went to his desk, and Sora watched as he pulled out a flat box of black velvet.
"I... wasn't going to give you this until later. When things were working out more, but..." He paused, turning to Sora and holding the box out. "Here."
Surprise momentarily won over his concern, and Sora approached Riku to take the present, curious and, admittedly, excited. He hardly ever got gifts, and something about Riku wanting to give him one really made him happy.
Sora stopped in front of Riku, reaching out, wavering for a second as he lifted his eyes to meet Riku's. The other boy gave an encouraging nod, and Sora gently opened the box, fingers tracing over the velvet top.
There, laying on deep purple silk, was a silver necklace in the shape of a crown, polished so perfectly that it almost looked like a mirror. Not a scratch or fingerprint was on the metal, and the design and craftsmanship of it was so high quality that Sora couldn't help gawking. It was probably the most gorgeous and expensive thing he had ever seen in his life.
"W-Whoa..."
He breathed, blinking a few times down at the box.
Riku was studying his reaction. "It's to thank you. For everything." Then, almost embarrassed, he spoke softly. "Y'know..."
But Sora was having trouble processing that Riku was giving this to him. It totally didn't seem like something that would be given just as a thank you gift. Sora hadn't even really done anything! They didn't even have a relationship—
Oh man, but Riku was already reaching into the box, pulling the chain free from the silk case. Sora stared wide-eyed as Riku, expression calm, held the chain open and reached forward, looping it around Sora's neck. The pendant fell nicely against his chest, not too heavy or flashy.
Sora was still staring at him when Riku took a step back, brows furrowed as he studied how Sora looked in his new necklace. "It goes good with the blue," he commented helpfully. "It's real silver. I once modeled with it, and liked it..." Then he lifted his eyes to Sora's, expectant.
Sora searched for something to say. "I-I love it!" he stammered, and relaxed when he saw Riku smile faintly. "It's awesome," he added, sounding a bit lost and intimidated. This 'small' gift of Riku's must have cost a bundle, Sora knew. And right then, he wanted to give some token in return, but... What in the world do you give a guy who could buy anything he wanted?
Riku's smile spread a little, and Sora returned it, touching the necklace, surprised he could feel so happy even after what had just happened a few minutes ago.
That happiness, however, faded after a minute, when he realized that Riku didn't seem like he was going to say anything else. Not even to ask him to stay. Sora would have thought maybe the gift had been Riku's trump card to ensure that Sora would follow him to the ends of the earth with gratitude, but...
Sora now realized that it had been something else entirely.
It was a goodbye present.
He curled his hand around the crown and lifted it, examining its flawless surface. "Thank you," he murmured, feeling completely at a loss.
"It's not much," Riku said as he turned away, "for what I put you through... but you said you didn't want to be paid."
Not much? This is too much...
But Sora could hardly work his throat enough to even utter a, "Y-Yeah..."
He couldn't look at Riku. He wanted to, but how could he?
"Okay..." Riku paused, but his voice was still too ambiguous for Sora to read. Was he disappointed? Or tired? "So I guess I'll see you around?"
Or just wanted to be left alone...
Disappointment closed over that last bit of hope that Sora had felt.
I guess this is it... It's over, then.
"Yeah," he said, sounding agreeable even though it was the last thing he really wanted. His eyes were burning, but Riku wasn't looking and couldn't see the tears that Sora had to offer. "I'll... see you around."
But neither of them moved. Sora waited an extra moment, clutching his necklace, hoping...
But the moment passed, and Riku said nothing.
Slowly, empty inside, Sora left the room in silence.
As his footsteps disappeared down the hall, Riku slipped his arms around himself and squeezed his eyes shut, letting out a shuddery sigh now that he was alone. He stood there, just holding himself, trying not to think of everything he had lost today.
-o-o-
Sora spent the rest of the evening taking care of his mom, who had indeed fallen ill and taken up a runny nose and bad cough. The next day, he woke up to find her missing already, and she hadn't left him breakfast. He guessed that some time over the past week, he had grown dependent on just immediately going over to Riku's house to find his mother cooking there, instead of the usual small meal at home that he had woken up to each morning for the past eighteen years.
Except, today he didn't want to go there at all. Last night, he had distracted himself by doting on his mother, but now that he was home alone and had nothing but his own silence to accompany his depression, he didn't know what to do.
Sora wasn't the type of person to sit around sulking all day when he was depressed. No, one thing he liked to do to cheer himself up was eat a lot. Preferably ice cream. Unfortunately, his mom hadn't brought home any ice cream ever since Riku had shown up and hired her, so that option was out.
He turned to his second option: keeping himself busy.
First he took a long, hot shower, relaxing in the comfortable atmosphere for as long as he could until the water turned cold. He spent the entire time trying not to look for evidence that Riku had ever used his shower—like the stray silver hairs, or how his bodywash was a few inches misplaced, and the showerhead had been pointing a little higher.
When he got dressed, he didn't bother being picky today and just threw on one of his own hoodies and a pair of shorts. He felt somewhat refreshed knowing that he didn't have anyone to impress today. He tried to keep his chin up, telling himself he didn't have to worry about his sexuality, that he had his life back now, and that he should be happy. Eventually people would find out that he and Riku hadn't been dating after all and that Sora wasn't gay. Sora was free to go off and try to find a girlfriend again.
But...
Somehow, it just felt so lonely.
The house was too quiet as he tried cooking his own breakfast, burning the eggs and even the toast. He ate it in silence at the dining table, scarfing the food down even though it was nasty because he was so hungry. He was actually grateful when the sky filled with gray clouds and it began sprinkling. It allowed him some background noise to relax in—the kind of noise that he hadn't ever really noticed was there, but now that his mom wasn't bustling around the house cleaning or cooking, he realized how dependent he had grown on it.
After cleaning his dishes, he trudged back up to his room, feeling empty and bored.
What kind of stuff had he done before Riku had shown up? He slumped onto his bed, trying to remember. All he could think of was hanging out with his mom, or Kairi and the girls... Or watching the guys play blitzball.
He realized numbly that he couldn't do any of that anymore. His mom was busy working, he was embarrassed about the girls, and the blitzball guys would just sneer at him. His only other friends were at Riku's house, too. Except Tifa, who had gone home.
Sighing, he pulled out the magazines that Tifa had given him.
A few of the covers proudly displayed attractive male models and boasted the reoccurring name Omnislash, which Sora took to be the monthly that he had first picked up, the one with the velvet sea spreads and all. He decided not to risk one of those again, and chose instead what looked like a clothing magazine. Ars Arcanum. The stuff looked expensive, too.
Sora flipped through the first few pages, looking at girls in elegant shirts that seemed to accentuate every perfect curve in their bodies, long sleeves draping behind them and sometimes trailing down to the floor. He wasn't surprised to find some of the girls with fingers hooked casually on each other's belts or tugging a stray sleeve, almost sexual in the way they seemed to just barely touch and interact.
The guys were the same. Sora spotted Leon first, recognizing his impassive expression before anything else. His brown hair was tied back, but his long bangs still swept along his cheeks, framing his scar and gray eyes. Though he had never thought of Leon as that much older than himself, he looked especially young on this page, like he was only twenty or so. He had on a classy black top with an oriental collar and a slim cut that emphasized his waist. The tapering tail of the shirt hung low over his hips and cranberry leather pants, which laced loosely up his sides and revealed little diamonds of the toned skin of his legs.
Curious, Sora turned a few more pages, pausing when he saw a flash of silver hair. He stopped to study the new picture, secretly thrilled when he saw that it was Riku, not Sephiroth. Then he froze, realizing what he was staring at. Riku was wearing the crown necklace he had given him. It sat centered on his bare chest, its chain running under his hair, and something about its gleaming surface and Riku's pale skin made his nipples all the more noticeable.
Sora blushed and promptly turned the page.
Unfortunately for him, this spread was no better. This time it was Leon and Riku, and both without shirts. Leon was sitting casually, one knee propped up, his arms loosely clasped in front of him. He was wearing a lion necklace, and though he was facing towards the side, his eyes were on the camera. Riku, on the other hand, was leaning most of his weight on an arm, which was half hidden by Leon's knee. Most of Riku's body was spread out, his legs bent to better show off his pants, which were riding low to display his boxers that boasted the brand name Oblivion.
And, though the main focus of the ad was obviously the pants and boxers, Sora's eyes drew right to Riku's face, which was angled upward and hardly three inches from Leon's, their noses practically brushing.
After all he had been through, he was surprised that he didn't really find himself jealous of their close interaction. Sure, Leon had been a lot more intimate with Riku than Sora probably would ever get, but he found that he was more angry towards himself for being so confused about what he really felt.
Here he was, trying to think positively about returning to his normal life, only to shift right back towards admiring Riku in the not-so-normal way. The guy didn't even have to be there flirting with him anymore for Sora to get flustered about it all.
Argh... There was no going back to normal, not after all that!
Feeling desperate, Sora slapped the magazine closed and pushed them all onto the floor, glaring down at them. Then, fighting back a surge of frustration, he bolted from his room and through the hallway and down the stairs and out the front door. Riku's house was right there across the street, waiting, tempting.
But Sora shoved his hands into his hoodie, turned away, and headed towards town.
-o-o-
Riku was feeling restless.
He hadn't seen Sora since yesterday afternoon, and it was nagging at him. He kept wanting to go over there and take back what he had said and tell Sora a hundred different truths that he knew he would never have the guts to spill out like that. It was frustrating. He wanted to strangle something. Irvine had come close a few times, but Riku just gritted his teeth and hid out in his room, pacing back and forth or curling up in bed with Sora's shirt—which Cloud had given him earlier today, since Sora had left it after his little makeover yesterday.
It still smelled like Sora, too, and that helped calm Riku's nerves.
Everyone was busier than usual, making plans for the house now that Riku had stopped dawdling. In reality, Riku hadn't had much heart in the project before because he hadn't been sure that his plan would work as well as it had. His aunt seemed to be gone for good, though, and now he had the opportunity to focus.
Except now his focus was on Sora.
He hadn't wanted Sora to leave, but the other boy hadn't made an effort to stay and hadn't asked to be with him.
Fuck. Who was he kidding? Sora was probably eager to get back to his own life.
It hurt to think that all their time had grown into nothing. Sora still didn't understand him.
If only Riku could have said something. He hated feeling this insecure.
Rolling out of bed and setting Sora's shirt aside, he headed downstairs to find someone to talk to. The sound of hammering and giggling didn't seem appealing, so he steered away from the construction and went into the kitchen.
At first he was confused to see Squall in front of the oven, his hair up and a black apron around his waist, but then he remembered that Seiya hadn't been feeling well and had appointed Squall as the cook. Riku watched for a moment as the older man pulled something out of the oven using Seiya's orange and yellow oven mitts. As he turned, Riku saw the white letters of "Don't piss off the cook" written across the front of the apron. Squall didn't look too happy, but then again, he always did have that slightly annoyed or impassive expression on his face.
"Having fun?" Riku asked, unable to hold back the teasing in his voice.
Squall actually honored him with a casual glance and a raised eyebrow, as if he were surprised that Riku had even shown his face today. Setting down the hot pan of biscuits he had just baked, he pulled off the mitts and tossed them onto the counter. He crossed his arms and moved near the stove, leaning there as if to overlook the pot of chicken noodle soup he was cooking. When he had made sure it was okay, he returned his gaze to Riku, lifting his chin in silent question. It was Riku's cue to tell him what was wrong.
That was one thing he really appreciated about his relationship with Squall. He would tell anyone else to fuck off and that he didn't want to hear their problems, but he always let Riku confide in him. Riku was grateful for it, especially now with his little Sora problem.
Sora...
Maybe I had imagined it all, he thought sullenly, also leaning against a counter. But if he had wanted to stay, he wouldn't have seemed so guilty for wanting to leaveRiku lowered his face, rubbing fists into his eyes and sighing, depressed.
"Sora left," came Squall's cool statement after a moment of silence.
Riku gave a bitter laugh at that, nodding. "I know," he said, lowering his hands to wrap his arms around himself. "I let him go..."
"Let him go?"
"He didn't want to be with me," Riku muttered, staring at the floor. "He... didn't even put up a fight."
Squall said nothing. Offered nothing. Just watched.
A dismal sound escaped Riku as he covered his face with his hands. "I knew it wouldn't work." His fingers tangled in his hair, tight, pulling. "I knew it..." Pulling. "...I knew it." Pulling. "I fucking knew it..."
"Then why did you do it?" Squall asked at last. He drew closer to Riku, studying him without a trace of sympathy. "Why did you listen to me and come all the way out here?" His voice lowered as he reached out, fingers wrapping around one of Riku's hands to ease his grip on his hair. "Stop pitying yourself and get back to work."
Riku lifted his face a fraction, glaring up at Squall through his bangs. "What?"
"The fight isn't over yet," he sighed, shoving at Riku's head, who growled. "Show everyone what you came here to do. If you sulk in your room like a kid, you are one."
Stroking the side of his skull, Riku made a face. He wanted to be stubborn, but he knew when to listen to Squall. "Well what do you propose I do, then?" he asked.
A tiny smirk curled at the corner of Squall's lips, his gray eyes getting a knowing look to them. "Let Sora do the panicking for you."
Riku frowned, feeling guilty. He placed a hand on the counter, turning away from Squall, who backed off a little. "I'm free like I wanted. Got my own life now. But why does it feel wrong?"
"Hm. Sometimes things that feel wrong are actually right," Squall said.
That smidgen of ironic-sounding wisdom made Riku smile. "The problem is telling which is which," he commented dryly. "I never expected it to be so easy. That's what bothers me. I keep expecting it to bite me in the ass."
Squall shrugged. "Even if it does, you'll find a way. You always do."
Riku glanced up, wondering at the strangely sentimental comment. "Huh?"
But then Squall really smirked. "You're more resilient than a cockroach."
So much for sentimentality.
Riku slapped his arm and grumbled. "Asshole."
"Whatever."
Seiya chose that moment to bustle into the kitchen, pieces of tissue stuck up her nose. "The chicken soup!" she cried, carrying the universal pitch of nasal congestion. "My chicken sooooup!"
"Ah—" Squall moved to stop her, but she was already stirring the soup and turning the heat down.
"Oh how I wish I could smell this," she whined, rasping a little. Then she noticed Riku there and hesitated. Usually she was quicker on her feet, but Riku gave her the benefit of the doubt since she was sick. "She hit you!"
Riku faltered, confused. "What?"
Seiya gestured to Riku's face with her wooden spoon. "You have a bruise. Oooooh, now I'm really mad at Rena!"
Grimacing, Riku shook his head, managing to give her a withering look while trying not to smile. She's hopeless.
The woman adjusted the tissue stuck up her nose and turned to Squall, coughing a little into a hand. "Now, Leon-hun, what are you planning for dinner? Because there's some chicken thawed out, and..."
But Squall cut in, giving her a pointed look. "You need to take medicine."
Riku had to admit that she did seem worse for wear, but she waved off Squall's suggestion, making a disgruntled sound.
"Medicine never works on me," she laughed, voice cracking. "And I don't have any anyway. Sora used it all a few months ago."
Sora...
The words were out of Riku's mouth before he even realized he was asking them. "Has he been around today?"
Both Squall and Seiya glanced at him with grim expressions as if they knew what had happened. Riku didn't even have to be told that Sora hadn't shown up yet. Maybe Sora was avoiding him... Then again, Riku wouldn't blame him. He was probably at home still sleeping.
"Oh well," he sighed, giving a half-hearted smile. "I'm going to go see if anyone needs my help."
"And I'm getting you medicine," he heard Squall say as he turned to leave the kitchen.
"And I told you, it won't woooork," she whined, their voices fading as Riku passed through the hallway, heading towards the sounds of Cid barking out commands as people worked.
Cloud was just rounding the corner, cell phone in hand, and he froze when he saw Riku. "Oh—shit—" He paused, stopping himself from saying Riku's name. "Look, Seph, I really have to go. NO, stop calling! I'm on extended leave, remember? Look, Tifa's not here either. What? Who the hell is Leon?"
Fuck.
Riku's eyes widened as he listened and watched Cloud practically panic over the phone. Sephiroth was still stalking his cell, it seemed, and if he was asking about Tifa, he obviously knew they had been together. And shit, how did Sephiroth know that Cloud had met Squall, let alone that they were all here?
He suddenly realized that his own phone probably had a gajillion missed calls, too.
"No, I'll talk to you later. Bye—yes, yes, I know... " Cloud's voice lowered. "I know. I'm sorry. Bye."
The sound of his cell phone snapping shut resounded in the hallway as Cloud and Riku stared at each other. Slowly, the blonde tucked his phone away and ran a hand through his hair, sighing, everything about his posture reflecting exhaustion.
"He's starting to piece everything together," Cloud glumly announced. "He knows we're all together somewhere. I think Yuffie blabbed."
Expression darkening at the news, Riku nodded. "Alright. We'll deal with it when the time comes," he said. "And thanks for stalling for me." He knew that if Cloud wasn't so good at playing dumb with Sephiroth, the man would have found out where they were by now. And Riku would rather not have him involved at all in this.
"Just hope I can keep doing it," Cloud said, giving a weak laugh. "He's calling every time he makes himself a five minute break. And you might want to start answering your phone... He thinks you and Leon ran off together."
"Of course," Riku muttered, rolling his eyes as he started to move past Cloud. "And not that far from the truth."
-o-o-
People were staring at him.
He wasn't even with Riku today, and they were still watching him like hawks, as if he could just look at a child and turn them gay or something, or like he'd suddenly start sprouting horns like a monster, or begin emitting some kind of blatantly queer behavior. It was as annoying as it was unnerving.
And they all still thought he was with Riku. Funny.
...or not.
He sighed, trudging along the street, hands in his hoodie. He kept avoiding looking up, not wanting to see another familiar face regard him as something dirty, or someone to be pitied, or... 'saved.'
"Hey Sora!"
His heart gave a small jerk at the voice. It was Kairi. Keeping his head down, he continued on down the street, listening to the sound of shoes on cobblestone as she ran to catch up with him. She must have been at the post office or something and had seen him as he had passed.
"Sora, wait up!" she called, and he obediently slowed his pace, figuring that he could at least be civil to one of the last people trying to be civil to him. Her hand closed around his arm as she fell into stride next to him, and only then did he lift his face, giving her a faint smile in greeting. "What's wrong?" she asked, blue eyes reflecting uneasiness.
Sora noticed the concern and realized she must be worried that he had been trying to avoid her or something. Maybe she was still insecure about what he thought about her after how she had treated him. He really didn't care anymore though. At least she had apologized and was making an attempt to accept him, whereas the other people on the island were acting like he was the plague.
"Oh, nothing," he said, shaking his head. "Just..." But he trailed off, not really knowing what to say.
"Did something happen?" she wondered, slipping her hand free from his arm. He kind of missed its warmth. He found it kind of funny how, a week ago, just that kind of touch would have totally embarrassed him. After all that with Riku, though, a girl's hand on his arm was pretty innocent.
He shook his head again. "No... Just felt lonely. That's all."
A puzzled look crossed her face as she studied him. "Lonely? With all those people over there?" she asked. "What happened to Riku?"
He gave a pained smile. "Kairi... Riku and I aren't together."
Her curiosity twisted into confusion, and Sora knew that she was thinking about all of the things she had heard, things he and Riku and Seiya had told her, things the islanders had said, things she had seen for herself. But Sora knew didn't want to hold onto a lie.
"You guys... already broke up?" she asked hesitantly, sounding disappointed.
Sora blinked. Wha...? No—we weren't even together in the first place! But why did she seem saddened by the thought of them breaking up? "Um..." He faltered, searching for an explanation. She had totally misunderstood this situation, but for some reason, he didn't want to correct her.
Her eyes filled with sympathy. He could only imagine the things she wanted to say to him. Probably stuff like, It's not your fault, Sora. People don't want to date you because you're like their little brother, that's all.
Well, whatever. He didn't want pity. He appreciated her concern, but... she had done it to him, too. Even if he had forgiven her, he still felt that rejection.
Lifting a hand, he touched her shoulder, managing a faint smile. "Anyway, see you around," he said, hoping she wouldn't want to come with him on his grand sulking adventure. "I just want to be alone for a bit."
And as he pulled his hand away, waving as he walked off, she stared after him. Sora had the gut feeling that he had just unleashed something, like she was going to tell her friends what she had heard, and in turn they would tell the rest of the people on the island.
News traveled fast, and... he had just given the decision to Kairi.
-o-o-
No one knew where Sora was. Seiya had gone home momentarily and had come back with the news. No one seemed too concerned, really, but Riku, against Squall's advice, hid up in his room, worried and annoyed and at a loss as to what to do with himself about this whole mess.
Downstairs, Tidus had arrived to visit for a few minutes before he had to leave for the late morning blitzball practice. He was confused as to both Riku and Sora's disappearances when he arrived, but he didn't ask questions and let Selphie drag him around to show him the rooms that were almost done. The sound of running water caught his attention, and he wondered if maybe someone was bathing or something.
"The White Room and Black Room are aaaaalmost done," she chirped, momentarily releasing him as she bounced into the first room on the right just up the stairs. "And the Premium Room is about half way! I sooo want to design the last room, but Cid won't let me!"
Irvine came bustling by, cradling a box of tools under an arm. He grinned when he saw Tidus standing in the hallway. "Hey sexy," he greeted, tilting his cowboy hat with his free hand as he passed. "Better get to work before we punish you."
Tidus flushed, staring after him, taking a second to admire the older man's white muscle shirt and ratty work cargos. With his long brown hair pulled back under the cowboy hat, he looked really good today. Well, he did other days too, but Irvine hadn't really flirted with him before. It made him wonder if it was just teasing or if the guys here could actually tell he liked other men. He hadn't said anything, but... they seemed to know anyway.
Selphie was still chatting on about the set themes of the rooms and how it was all so cool how everything matched. With an occasional nod and an "Uh-huh," he pretended to listen as he took a few steps back, surveying Irvine's butt as he rounded the corner. The man turned at the last second, smirking as he caught Tidus watching, and gave a little wink before he disappeared.
"Tidus, are you listening or flirting?" Selphie suddenly huffed, standing right next to him.
"Listening—I mean—" He turned to her, cheeks coloring even more as her words sunk in. "Sorry."
"Irvy is miiine," she giggled, poking Tidus in the abs. "Keep your eyes to yourself, lover boy."
"Selphie," he laughed, shaking his head, and she gave him a knowing grin, jabbing him with her elbow.
It was at that time that he heard the dark chime of someone's cell phone. For some reason, Selphie hadn't noticed and went on to the next room, calling after him to hurry his cute tush up. He started to follow, noticing how the cell phone got louder, as did the sound of running water.
Someone was in the shower.
Cid's voice suddenly called down the hallway. "Someone turn off Cloud's fucking phone! I'm fucking tired of hearing that thing all damn day! Shit, I need a cigarette..."
"I'll get it," Tidus announced immediately, taking his opportunity.
He opened the bathroom door and was greeted by a cloud of steam and the rich scent of body wash that almost smelled like cologne. It was really sexy, whatever it was. He quietly moved to the sink where the phone was still buzzing and singing some kind of march. Guessing that it was Cloud in the shower, he tried not to think of the blonde's perfect nude body just beyond the plastic curtain as he picked up the cell and flipped it open, stepping outside the room to escape the sound of water in the background.
"Hello?"
"...this isn't Cloud," came the immediate response. The voice was deep and smooth, tinged with slight impatience as well as curiosity. "Where is he... and who are you?" It was also authoritative and sultry. Tidus liked this guy's voice.
"Cloud's busy right now," he casually replied, listening to the man's soft, thoughtful hum in response.
"Why would you have his cell phone on you?" the man asked with a hint of amusement. "And you did not answer my other question."
"He's in the shower, and I'm—"
"WHOA!" Cid suddenly cried, appearing out of nowhere and snatching the phone from Tidus. He held it to his ear, blatantly ignoring Tidus' affronted look. "'ello? Ah, Sephiroth. Yeah, how's it goin'? What the fuck do you mean 'who is this'? It's Cid, you fucking prat."
Sephiroth?
Tidus felt his blood freeze.
Oh my God, that was Sephiroth
"Heehee, was Tidus being a bad boy?" Selphie teased, standing not too far away where he had left her.
But Tidus wasn't listening, not even to Cid as he carried on a rather informal conversation with the sex god named Sephiroth. Gah, and he wanted to stay so badly and hang out with all of these people some more, but he quite abruptly remembered his blitzball practice.
"Shit!" he cried, checking his watch. His panic only lasted a split second, however, gone once he saw that he had time to make it there if he left now. "Sorry, Selph! I need to go to practice!" he said, already turning towards the stairs. "Take me on the tour later!"
"Wah, meanie!" she called after him in a whine.
He was practically out the door when he ran into Leon, literally, making the older man stagger. "Ack—sorry—" he said, part of him wilting under the man's cold gaze. He looked annoyed. "I'm running kind of late."
Leon seemed to take this excuse and nodded, heading out the door. Curious, Tidus fell into step beside him, and it wasn't until Leon glanced at him out of the corner of his eye that the blonde bothered speaking again.
"Where are you going?"
"To buy medicine for Seiya," Leon said distantly.
"Is she sick?" Tidus asked, recalling that he indeed hadn't seen Sora's mother today.
"Hence, the medicine," came the dry response.
Undaunted, Tidus walked alongside the older man, not minding his curt speaking or the silence. When he was sure Leon's attention was on the street again, Tidus snuck a long look at him, studying his serious face and icy eyes and the sweep of his shaggy hair around his long neck. He was dressed almost simply today, just a white shirt with his usual leather pants and a belt. He really liked to watch the man's body move. It didn't take an athlete like himself to be able to see the power of the muscles just under his shirt. The man had really nice arms too, and Tidus wondered if Leon was into a certain sport or just liked to work out.
Before he could get caught staring again, he shifted his gaze away, throwing his arms up, walking with them crossed behind his head. "Do you like sports?" he asked offhandedly, turning to fully look at Leon.
Those gray eyes slowly shifted to regard him. "A few," he replied.
"Like what?"
"I like to swim."
Tidus brightened. "So do I. Well... that's a given, for blitzball. Do you like to blitz?"
This time he got a shrug. "It looks fun."
"It is. Man, I love blitzball," Tidus said, grinning to himself. He lowered his arms, dragging a hand through his hair. "There's nothing like it. It's way cooler than basketball and soccer and polo."
"Hm."
"So is that all you like to do? Swim?" Tidus wondered, probing for more information.
"When I don't have time to visit the natatorium, I go to the gym," Leon answered, seeming to open up a little more. "Like with Riku. We have to stay in shape."
"Obviously," Tidus commented with a smile.
Leon turned his face, giving the blonde a curious look, but he didn't say anything until he was faced forward again. "Must be hard to do sports in this kind of environment."
Finding that statement ambiguous, Tidus watched him, brow furrowing. "What do you mean?"
"It's such a close-minded place," Leon said. "A dozen barely clothed boys all in the same locker room after a heated practice, and all of those boys are socially trained to despise things that they find threatening. Like homosexuality." He paused, glancing at Tidus again, who was staring at him with a kind of offended look. "It seems like a nightmare for one of us. Especially having to hide any attraction you might feel for some of them."
A slow blush crept onto Tidus' cheeks, and he looked away. "How did you know?"
"Know what?" Leon asked smoothly, returning his attention to the stores they were beginning to pass.
"That I'm..." He hesitated and lowered his voice. "You know..."
"Attracted to other men?" the older man offered.
Fear curled inside of Tidus, making him feel sick. "Is it that obvious?" he asked, giving Leon a pleading look.
The man shook his head. "No," he said. "But I've been there."
Tidus blinked in surprise, suddenly studying Leon in an entirely new light.
Meeting his eyes, Leon gave a subtle smirk and reached out, mussing Tidus's sun-kissed hair. "Did you think you were the only one who went through that kind of thing?"
Grinning, Tidus laughed and shook him off, shoving playfully at his side. Somehow, he felt significantly more confident about his condition now. Leon had a point, definitely. Tidus wasn't alone in his endeavor at all. He still had to keep his preference hidden, but at least he knew that maybe one day he could be like Leon and Riku and Cloud and all them—
Honest. Free. Proud.
He knew for a fact that he wasn't going to be that kind of person here of all places.
A few minutes later, Tidus waved to Leon and separated, taking a different street to head towards practice. All along the way, he couldn't help thinking about how he probably wasn't the only one who had needed to hear that kind of thing.
Maybe Sora had felt as insecure as him, too.
-o-o-
There was something about dreary days that Sora really appreciated.
The gray clouds had thickened, bringing a strong, cool breeze with them, rustling the palms that grew along the grassy line near the seawall. The trees stood tall, isolated from each other like people with arms spread out, fingers fanned open as if to catch the fleeting wind. Sora hated palm trees, but he loved the thick whisper of the palms leaves as they brushed together. It was a soothing sound, like his mom flipping through her recipe cards as they both lazed around in the living room.
He would miss that time alone with his mom. Now that she had a real job, he'd have to go to Riku's to see her. He'd have to go there for practically everything.
That's all he had been doing, really—just sitting at the seawall, staring off into the gray horizon and playing with the crown necklace Riku had given him. The dreariness of the day didn't make him feel so guilty about wasting his time brooding, and he had indeed done a lot of brooding and come up with nothing.
He wasn't even sure why he had come here of all places. This was where he had run after the ferry all those years ago, watching Riku get pulled out of his life. Little girly Riku.
...and suddenly, Sora really missed him. It hadn't even been a day yet, but he just couldn't stand how Riku had just let him leave like that. Were they even friends now? What about all of those emotions he had felt while 'practicing' with Riku?
Hey, virgin or not, raging hormones or not, Sora thought he had felt something a little more than just "Hey, you're my pretend boyfriend, so I'm going to let you molest me." Sora wouldn't have let anyone else do that to him.
Biting his lip, he lifted the necklace up, studying the gleaming surface the crown. It had a few fingerprints on it now, but Sora made no move to wipe them. This was his now, and he was going to wear it with all the love he could.
"Yo Sora!"
He froze, clutching the necklace to himself, panicking for a second. Okay, maybe it was too soon for someone to see him with it—he really really really didn't feel like answering weird questions!
He stuffed the necklace into his hoodie's pocket right as he turned around, watching Tidus jog up to him. He had probably been on his way to practice. The seawall was within sight of the street leading to the ferry that students took to the high school on the island over, so Tidus had probably seen Sora sitting there.
Sure enough, the blonde was quick to announce, "I was just on my way to practice!" as he stopped in front of Sora, grinning at the other boy as he rose to his feet, feeling awkward. Every time he bumped into Tidus, he couldn't help thinking about what he had overheard the other day about Tidus really liking him. At first, it had been kind of surprising, but now he just felt a hint of tension.
Tidus liked him.
Sora gave him a friendly smile, though he wasn't in the mood to really talk to anyone.
Tidus seemed to notice his lack of enthusiasm and toned down his cheer to match Sora's somber mood. "I had heard from the others that they hadn't seen you all day, so I figured something was up," he admitted, rubbing the back of his head. "Anyway, I can't stay, but... I wanted to tell you something."
Something inside of Sora gave a half hopeful, half scared leap. He shifted his weight, trying not to feel weird just standing there—why did he feel weird anyway? Was it because Tidus looked pretty cute today? Because he knew Tidus liked him? Because... he was standing a little close...?
Oh God, maybe he wasn't just Rikusexual.
"U-Um... what is it?" he asked. He had a fleeting thought that made his heart do a little somersault. What if he actually confesses to me right here?
Tidus grinned again, reaching out to mess up Sora's hair. "It's nothing scary, don't worry," he assured, and then gave Sora a playful jab in the ribs. "Just some encouragement."
A breath of relief escaped him, and he managed a smile in return. Somehow, Tidus's playfulness made him relax more than his words. "Encouragement for what?" he said with a soft laugh, fixing his hair.
"Well," Tidus began thoughtfully, "I had some time to think, and... I just wanted to tell you that I'm really happy for you and Riku."
What?
Sora stared at him, confused for a moment, and Tidus watched him expectantly, his smile unfading.
Oh. Tidus doesn't know what happened yesterday. He thinks we're together. Oh man...
But even if Tidus was misinformed, something about his eased attitude concerning their relationship made Sora feel a little happy. Tidus wasn't bitter about Riku reaching him first. No, Tidus was... congratulating them.
Once again, like with Kairi, Sora didn't have the heart to correct him.
A genuine smile crossed his face. "Thanks, Tidus... That means a lot to me." And it did.
Tidus brightened some more. "It takes a lot of guts to be as open as you guys are about your relationship," he said. "Just keep in mind that there are always people on your side."
Taking his words to heart, Sora nodded, smile spreading. "Okay..."
"Ah! But now I have to go to practice!" Tidus laughed, suddenly breaking the calm, meaningful atmosphere. He slapped Sora on the shoulder and gave a wave as he started to run off. "I'll see you later!"
Grinning, Sora waved after him, calling out. "Bye!" But in reality, he really wanted to go with Tidus and play a few rounds of blitzball. He had already graduated, though, and hadn't been too big on the team at school. He just liked the sport and played it occasionally. Even just watching their practice would have been a nice way to pass time, but Sora was all too aware of who else was on the team.
Tidus and Wakka were friendly with him, but, once again, Sora thought back to the encounter with the other players and how they had come to see if the rumors about him and Riku had been true. Sora didn't want to live through another one of those experiences...
Glancing up at the darkening clouds, Sora folded his arms around himself and turned to head home.
-o-o-
Don't worry, this fanfic is faaar from being over. And this chapter finally shows some of the story's deeper elements, which is exciting for me because I can't wait to get to some of the later scenes.