Author's Note: So, there's been a lot of hate in general for the fandom, characters, and ships as of late and I just haven't wanted to write. I'm trying not to let it get to me. I'm going to continue to write this story no matter the hate online or in comments/reviews. I normally don't give away what I have planned for a story or characters, but I will say this. I am not killing off Ray so that Felicity and Oliver can be together. If you think about what that would do to Felicity, you'd see that it is what's for the best. There can still be Olicity in this.
This is the first chapter that starts with flashbacks, I hope you all enjoy!
"How was your walk?"
Felicity froze.
The room had been dark, only the nightstand lights had been on but he'd come out of a dark bathroom to find Felicity standing in the doorway of their bedroom with the door shut behind her. She looked almost upset and Ray was a little worried. Maybe her walk and catching up with Oliver hadn't gone well. She was home alive and in one piece, so he was happy about that. Felicity and Oliver had been gone for HOURS. They'd missed dinner and it had been the very first time that Felicity had missed putting Liv to bed. Ray hadn't been worried, though it seemed like everyone else had been.
The thing was that even though Ray had never been close to Oliver Queen, there were two things that he knew for sure when it came to the other man. One: that Oliver Queen could protect Felicity. Two: that Oliver Queen would do anything and everything to keep someone he loved safe. It was clear to Ray that even though Felicity had moved on (even though she still clearly held feelings for Oliver) that nothing had changed for Oliver, who still loved Felicity with his whole heart. Ray wasn't jealous, though and was actually a little surprised that more people weren't always falling in love with Felicity. You couldn't help who you fell in love with. That was just a fact.
Felicity looked like she was going to break into pieces. "Ray, I—"
Sitting on the edge on the bed, he ran his fingers against his scalp and interrupted her before she could continue. It seemed like ever since Oliver Queen had come into the picture, Felicity had been far less confident in his reactions than normal. "Don't worry," Ray told her gently. "Liv just had me read about half of her bookshelf before she finally fell asleep." He became quite serious. "I also had to promise to tell you that she loves you and to pass along a kiss."
"I've never missed putting Liv to bed," Felicity rambled as she took slow steps towards Ray. "And not only that…I missed dinner…and I didn't call or check in…and I—" She let out a sigh. "I got distracted and I lost track of time…and I should have been here and—"
"Felicity," Ray stopped her as he held out his hand, palm up. It was an invitation for her to take it. When she did, he squeezed her hand lightly and then ran his thumb over the set of rings on her finger. "I'm not worried about ANY of them. I knew where you were the whole time and I knew you were alive and well." When she just stared at him confused, Ray used his free hand to push up the sleeve of the lightweight brightly colored jacket she'd left in to reveal what was on her wrist. "GPS and—"
Felicity nodded then. "Monitors heartbeats and steps and…okay, I was confused…I'm just—"
"Tired?" he questioned and when she nodded, Ray pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her before kissing her forehead. They were both quiet for a moment and Felicity seemed to melt into his embrace. She relaxed and let out a sigh as her head found the most comfortable spot on his shoulder. After she'd been quiet for some time, he finally asked his question. "So…how was your walk?"
"It was…okay…"
"Okay?"
"It was a lot to take in."
"I'm sure he thought so, too," Ray commented.
His arms held her against him, one of his hands moved to the crown of her head and pulled carefully and gently the elastic from her hair before running his fingers through her golden hair. Felicity was a wound up bottle of stress and nerves right now and he hated it. All Ray wanted to do was to make it better, to bring some ease to her frenzied emotional state.
"Are—"
Sighing, he smiled a bit, interrupting her thought. "If you're going to ask me if I'm mad, don't. We've already had this conversation. I think multiple times now." He shook his head and then pressed a kiss into her hair for a moment. "Unless, you're trying to tell me that you want a divorce or something crazy like that," he teased lightly. "Then, I'd be a little disappointed…"
"No!" Felicity said quickly and pulled back. She looked even more worked up now, which wasn't what he'd intended. "I wouldn't—"
Ray's fingers still combed through her hair. "Shh…"
"Ray—"
"I was kidding," Ray reinforced. He leaned in and kissed her. "We might not have been married these last five years, Felicity, but a lot of that time..it feels like we have… I would know if your heart had lost its interest in me." He was certain that that was true and didn't feel any form of worry. "No matter how confused things have you, or worried…or anything else…I'm going to be here… Your whole family is going to be here to support you."
"I love you, have I told you that today?" Felicity asked as a bright smile slowly spread across her face.
His lips took hers and for a moment, the kiss and them were all that existed. "Not in the last couple of hours," he said with a smile as they separated for breath. Silence hung between them for a moment as Ray slowly unzipped the jacket. "I love you, Felicity. Don't forget that. No matter what. I love you."
Weight seemed to lift from her and he hoped that it stayed that way. "I love you too," she echoed sincerely. He pushed the jacket open and down her arms, leaving her in just her sports bra and leggings. Her forehead pressed against his as his hand moved down her side to her thigh before caressing the inside of her thigh. "My mom stayed tonight, didn't she?"
Ray stilled and sighed. "Yes. Alex and Clara are bunking. I tried to get her to go home with Quentin, but she was a bit worked up."
Now Felicity was the one who sighed. "I know my mom knows that we have to—"
"I'm sure she probably thinks we do it a lot more than we do," Ray commented as he pulled away. Felicity always got a bit worried about her mother coming into their room or interrupting things whenever they actually got to have alone time. It was for good reason, so he really couldn't fault it. There had been far too many times that her mother had somehow gotten into their bedroom at the most awkward times. He and Felicity hadn't even had that problem with the girls when they'd first came to live with them. Not even Liv had that kind of timing.
"I'm sorry—"
"This is something you don't have to apologize for," Ray told her. He shrugged. "I just figured that it's a lot less crowded tonight…" Sitting there, thinking about things…he looked up at her. His face was crunched up because he was genuinely confused at the moment. "Am I completely wrong or is your mother dating Quentin?"
"I don't think they know what it is."
"Maybe we should push them to designate what they are," Ray suggested. "You know, maybe he can still come to pick her up right now…"
Felicity laughed. "It's late."
"You know I love your mother. She's great, but—"
"But, she's my mother and she doesn't understand boundaries when it comes to OUR relationship," Felicity finished. She sighed as all of her weight shifted against him. "There's some kind of lecture coming. I feel it."
"What could she possibly lecture you about?"
Felicity just stared at him.
"Okay, so your mother goes a little over board sometimes," Ray allowed. In the past, Donna had been a little controlling. It seemed like she was purposely trying to involve herself in their relationship at times for what she thought was for the best. It wasn't. He and Felicity were doing just fine without her involvement. Ray got it and he knew that Felicity did too. Donna was so worried about trying to make sure that their relationship didn't fall apart, wanting better for her daughter, that she usually didn't see how much she hurt Felicity.
"Sometimes?"
"I was trying to be nice," he said as he started to go back to undressing her. He was pulling down her exercise pants she had on. Ray wasn't going to push things, but that didn't mean that they both needed to be dressing like they were both in elementary school for pajama day. "You know…the fact that we don't actually have a guest room…I would think that your mother would be less likely to crash here on her trips—"
"Yeah, that's not going to happen," Felicity spoke up and kicked her walking shoes off before standing up and making it easier to step out of her pants. "Not unless she and Quentin decide their 'thing' is serious…which would mean that my mom would move HERE. So…you know, pros and cons to everything."
"At least she wouldn't be sleeping over here," Ray pointed out.
"Somehow she'd still have a house key."
Ray thought about that for a moment and had to admit, Felicity was correct on that one. Donna Smoak could be a pain, but she was still family and they loved her. Plus, if she was living in Star City, there were so many reasons why her having a key was a good thing. "Maybe we should be designing some kind of system where our bedroom door automatically locks six bolts if your mother is detected."
Her arms wrapped around them and she was laughing again.
Staring at her, he was a bit amused at how much she seemed entertained by that idea. "You know I was serious… Think about it. There's definitely a market for it. We can't be the only ones with this problem."
"Shut up and kiss me," Felicity told him as she pushed him, so that they both fell back onto the bed.
"I can definitely get on board with that," Ray told her as he scooted them farther up onto the bed, so that they weren't half hanging off the edge of the bed. Felicity was laying on top of him, their arms around each other. She was smiling and he was absolutely content now that his wife was home safe with him. He couldn't think of anything better in the world. Their lips met and that was the best ending to his night.
Flashback - 5 years before
"Can we talk?"
Felicity looked up at him.
It had been weeks now and it seemed like his vice president was a flurry of emotions and he was concerned. Ray wasn't one to be concerned about the company because his VP was out of sorts, but he was definitely concerned about his VP. He really hadn't known Felicity Smoak that long, but he knew that there was something going on in her life and he was starting to think that she didn't have people outside of work. He'd seen her talk to people on her cell phone, in fact, sometimes she was ALWAYS on that phone. People had come in to visit with her and he'd seen her talk to people in public. So, he was certain that she had life outside of Palmer Technologies.
"Are you firing me?" Felicity asked.
"No," Ray said. He got confused immediately. He'd been trying to get her to help him with the ATOM project and she'd finally relented. She'd told him that maybe with her helping him, he wouldn't be committing suicide. It had been a couple of weeks since she'd figured out how to make the chip to work. He was still trying to get the suit fully operational, though. "No… No. Why would you think that?"
"I've missed meetings… I've been distracted. Is there a word that means something more than distracted?" Felicity asked and he could tell that she was rambling and that she was likely to continue until he stopped her. There was still something that was troubling her. Whatever was going on in Felicity's life, it hadn't been resolved yet.
He sighed and sat across from Felicity. "I'm not firing you, Felicity," Ray said, trying to make sure that that was something that came across to her. "I'm not here as Ray Palmer, CEO." His voice softened and he reached out to place his hand gently over hers on the desk. "I'm here as your friend." He paused for a moment before continuing. "I don't know what's going on in your life, but I want you to know that you can talk to me about it…whatever is going on…"
"I can't," she whispered, her voice breaking and tears threatening to spill.
Felicity wouldn't look at them, but she was staring at their hands. He supposed that it was close enough. "Okay… I just, I can tell that you're hurting… I can tell that something awful is going on with you…" Ray wanted to do this delicately, but he wasn't going to be subtle. He was afraid if he was subtle, that she'd not take in what he was saying. It was a hard line to toe. "And you don't have to go through it alone…"
Tears fell down her cheeks now and she immediately pushed them away and pulled her hand from his. There were so many things about Felicity Smoak that Ray found beautiful, breathtakingly so, and just absolutely addicting. There was something about Felicity Smoak that Ray just couldn't get enough of. He hadn't expected to love any woman after Anna and then he'd walked into a tech village and there had been Felicity Smoak. Since then, he just couldn't fathom life without her…even if they were just co-workers.
She had a light.
A sparkle.
Magic.
There was something about Felicity that he just had never felt with anyone else. "Look, I know that I can come across as a lot of things… That we're not close." Ray reached across the table and lifted her chin until her eyes steadied on his. "I AM your friend, Felicity. I am here for you. I want you to talk to me. Please?"
"Ray—"
"Please?"
"I told you that I lost someone," she said gently.
Ray nodded. He remembered how unsure she'd seemed about whether the someone was a person that Felicity really seemed to care about, maybe even love. He'd considered that was why she'd been so down, but it was getting worse and he was generally worried about her. "Someone you cared about? A lot?" he ventured.
She just nodded and then was quiet for a moment. He watched as she sucked in a deep breath and seemed to try to steady herself before continuing. "I guess I'm just having a hard time balancing my life…with being able to see the good side in the world…" She broke then. "It just seems like no matter how hard I try to make things right, I get pushed away by the only family I have left… Everything seems wrong. I always thought that if you did good things, if you were a good person, then good things would happen…but that's wrong…" Felicity pulled her face from his touch and turned to face the window as tears spun out of control down her cheeks. "It's not true. What happens is that the good people keep dying… The heroes… All that are left are villains…and I just don't know how to live in this world anymore. It's hard enough getting out of bed in the morning and convincing myself to come here."
Wow.
It was far more than Ray had expected for her to tell him. He was happy that she was spilling this all out to him, but it was a lot. For a moment, he just went over her words and no matter how he processed them, all he was was confused. "You aren't talking about your mother, right?" he asked slowly. He knew that she'd lost a friend a while back and that she'd been quite upset about the amount of people she'd lost in her lifetime thus far, but he just wasn't sure what she was talking about.
"No," Felicity sighed and wiped away tears. She seemed to try to smile for a moment, but it didn't stick. "God, I WISH this was about my mother…"
"So, tell me."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
That question seemed to confuse her. He thought it was fairly straight forward, but she didn't come right back at him with an answer. Ray wanted to be there for her, if she'd let him in. It seemed like they were both having some difficulty in doing that, but he HOPED that it was something that they were both working on.
"I—I don't know anymore," Felicity finally blurted out. She rubbed her face and then let out a breath. "Screw it," she whispered and then looked directly at him. "This secret, I've kept…it's not mine to tell…but I don't think that matters anymore…"
"Why?"
"I work for the Arrow…for his team," Felicity explained. She seemed almost relieved with every word that came out of her. "But the Arrow's gone now…it's a long…complicated story…and now the rest of us are left to figure things out."
"You work for the Arrow?" Ray asked, trying to process things.
Suddenly, everything since he'd met Felicity Smoak made sense. All of the phone calls. All of the times that she'd asked him to leave. Pretty much…everything…it just all clicked for him. He really didn't know how to feel about her working for the Arrow and his team, though. Ray was familiar with their 'work'. For a while there, the Arrow had been a killer…and he just hadn't always been considered a hero. So far, though, the police seemed to believe in him. Ray had to believe that there was a reason for that.
"He's gone," Felicity repeated.
"Okay…" Ray said slowly. "And you miss him?"
"Yes."
It was then that Ray wondered if the Arrow…if he'd been the one who Felicity cared for that was gone. If the Arrow was dead and his team was going forward, to try to continue to keep the city safe. He didn't want to push the subject, though, because it was clear that it would only cause to further upset her. Right now, Ray was more concerned about getting her to talk and maybe coming up with a way to make her world a little less dark.
"Why are the others pushing you away? The people you consider family?"
He wanted to understand.
He needed to understand.
She needed to know that he was there for her.
"Probably because I really didn't want to accept that the Arrow is gone…that he's not coming back… I keep thinking he's just going to show up," Felicity admitted. "Is that crazy?"
"No."
Ray had absolutely no idea what had happened to the Arrow, all he knew was that even IF the Arrow had been killed…he didn't think it was crazy to still expect a person you cared about to show up. Sometimes he still, for just a moment, would think Anna was beside him when he was working. It was the hope that you carried inside of you, the love that that person, that made you want to cling to them no matter what.
"You know all those bad guys that are out because of the evidence disappearing?" she asked.
"Yeah."
"We were trying to keep it safe. To stop Brickwell. I was monitoring from the Fo—from our control room…and I prevented my team from being able to do what they do because in those moments…I saw me losing them too. To have more funerals to attend and more deaths to cope with. They blame me, I know. They don't trust me as much," Felicity explained. "I just…I can't lose anyone else."
"You did what you thought was right."
Felicity nodded. "I just feel like it doesn't matter anymore…" She seemed somewhat defeated. "Even though, I've told myself that the Arrow isn't coming back. Even though, I've helped to rally the team…to decide WHY we're still doing what we're doing…it just…it feels like I've lost so much."
"What you guys are doing, trying to do good…keep the city safe, it's a noble cause," Ray told her. "But it's not a life."
"It has been…for me…for well over two years now," Felicity admitted. "I honestly don't know if I would be the person I am right now if I hadn't joined… I'd probably be some no one in the IT department."
"I doubt that."
Felicity smiled a little.
"I'm serious, though," Ray insisted. "Vigilante-ism…whatever you guys consider yourselves…it's not a life, Felicity. Saving the city is good and all, but you have to have a long term plan. You have to plan on saving the city, making it better, and then actually living…otherwise, is it really worth it?"
"What are you talking about? Some kind of five year plan?" Felicity asked a bit sarcastically.
Sure, that probably seemed weird, but it was the truth. She was twenty-five and Ray wondered how many years she expected to waste trying to save the city when they were doing it (like in someone's basement) and with what he could guess as little resources. They needed to think bigger and they needed to have a plan.
"I'm serious," Ray told her. He reached out and grabbed her hands. Their eyes locked and he hoped that what he was saying made sense to her…and didn't scare her away. He wanted Felicity to know that she could come to him, to feel like she could talk to him…about anything. "Think about it. Helping this city, that's what we've been working on ATOM for. Maybe your team…and our team…you know, you and me…we should team up."
Her tone was skeptical now. "Team up?"
Ray shrugged. "I have a want to change this city, you know that. You know my intentions." He paused. "I have the resources to make a lot happen."
"Do you have a five year plan?" she half teased.
"No," Ray admitted. He waited a moment before smiling. "Actually, I have a three year plan, but maybe…maybe this team of yours…we can knock it down to two years."
"Two years?"
She seemed surprised, maybe even shocked. He just nodded. He didn't launch his big rebrand for nothing. Ray had taken a lot of time going over what it would take and what it would mean to take Starling City into the future to Star City.
There was a plan.
Felicity was part of that plan.
End Flashback
The morning had come too quickly and Ray had been wonderfully happy to wake with Felicity sleeping peacefully in his arms. He'd wanted to stay in that bed all day, but with everything that seemed to be hanging over their heads, he knew that he couldn't. Ray was a man who thought that taking care of his family, keeping them safe, was the most important thing in his life. He didn't care if he lost his company or all of his money or anything else…all that mattered was that Felicity, Alex, Clara, Etta, and Liv were all safe and taken care of.
His girls.
His life.
His heart.
His everything.
Slipping out of bed was a lot harder than it normally would have been. Leaving Felicity was hard. All he wanted to do was to watch her sleep, kiss her when she woke, and lie in bed with her for as long as possible. He couldn't do it, though. There was too much to do. So, he got out of bed, moved into the shower, done work out clothes, and headed out to the home gym. He needed to work out a bit, hoping that it would get him thinking about everything that had happened. Finding out who was after them and WHY was something that he really was determined to figure out.
As he walked down the hallway, he found that three of the girls were still sleeping. He hadn't dared to check in Alex's room as Donna was sleeping there, he was fairly sure that she was still sleeping, though. This wasn't unusual, but as far as having Etta moving about their home when they had an extra visitor sleeping on their couch…Ray had wanted the girls to give Oliver space. They kept pestering him for stories about the Arrow and about their mom, he couldn't blame them, but Oliver had just come back after five years… The man needed space. Ray wondered if Oliver would join John tonight at his hotel room, he'd wanted to take Oliver the night before…but then he and Felicity had come back after John had felt like he needed to crash.
When Ray made it to the end of the hallway, he found Oliver up and in the kitchen cooking while Etta sat on a stool with a book, half supervising. "Please tell me that you haven't decided that Mr. Queen is a slave, Etta."
"His name is Oliver," Etta said in a whisper as she looked away from her book and to Ray. She shook her head and looked back to her book, turning to a new page. "Plus, he offered… Am I really going to say 'no' to someone offering to make me breakfast? Also, it's quiet. You know that I enjoy quiet."
Ray really couldn't argue with that. It had been a bit louder and more chaotic than normal. Liv and Alex were the loudest ones in the house, which he supposed made sense since Clara and Etta had grown up together in the same household for the majority of their lives. His sister and brother-in-law had been quiet people too. He wondered if all of the people was becoming a bit too much for Etta. He made a mental note to have a private chat with all of the girls one by one later in the day.
He finally made it to where Etta was sitting and hugged her from behind before placing a kiss to the side of her head. "Morning, Sweetheart. What are we reading today? Vampires?"
Etta let out an annoyed sigh. "Dad. We've been over this. We don't read those books."
"Right. Dragons?"
"Really?"
"What? Aren't dragons cool?" Ray asked. He knew the answer to that. The truth was, he loved that the girls were all into books and that they all had imaginations. Since they'd all sort of bonded, he'd been sort of hoping for there to be a moment where they could have a lightsaber fight…or foam swords…something. Bows and arrows were obviously already covered.
"Griffins?" Oliver asked and Ray grinned over at him.
"Actually," Etta said slowly as she set her book down. "Clara DOES enjoy stories with griffins."
"See," Ray told her.
"But that's not what I'm reading right now," Etta told him. She closed the book to reveal the cover. "I'm reading 'The Scorpion House'."
"It has a lot of awards…" Ray commented.
"Shouldn't she be reading something with girls on the front of it?" Oliver asked as he dished up a plate. He pushed it in front of Etta, fork included. "Not something creepy that's about cloning?"
"Cloning? Really?" Ray asked and was actually a mixed of impressed and curious. Sometimes they had discussions about what fields interested the girls. All of the girls were smart, but he was interested with the fact that Etta seemed to be interested in a realm of science…possibly even medicine. That was definitely something to foster.
"It's interesting," Etta supplied with a shrug and then started to dig into her breakfast. "I like interesting…"
"It's not something Clara and Alex would read."
"No, it's really not."
"Well, I'll let you finish your breakfast, I am going to go work out for a while…can you keep an eye out for Liv?" Ray asked. Liv was the surprise factor, sometimes she slept in and sometimes she was up before the sun. Normally, she'd just find one of the girls or head into his and Felicity's room and wake them up. He just didn't want Felicity woken up too early if it could be helped.
"Yes, no problem."
"Thank you," he said before kissing the side of her head again. He turned to leave, but then found himself stopping within mere seconds.
"Ray?"
Turning back around, he found Oliver taking steps towards him. "Yeah?"
"Do you mind if I join you?"
For a split second, he thought about it. He nodded before turning again. "Sure, why not."
The lights automatically kicked on when they entered the gym. There wasn't an over abundance of equipment, it was just what he needed. The treadmill, though, was used more by Felicity and even the girls than he used it. It was mainly in the winter months and on rainy days when it got use, otherwise it just sort of sat there. He understood it, though, there was something much more satisfying about walking or running outside in the world than inside.
"I was thinking," Oliver started as he closed the glass door behind him. "Maybe the two of us should talk."
"About Felicity?"
A conversation with practically any other man about his wife, he would have brushed off, but this was Oliver Queen. This was a man that Felicity had loved…that she still loved. Was he worried? Jealous? No. Ray didn't know Oliver well, but from how Felicity always talked about the Arrow…from how Felicity talked about Oliver…he knew that he was a good man. So, Ray moved to where he started his workout. They could talk and exercise. It could be done and maybe it would keep things from becoming too intense.
"About Felicity," Oliver echoed a moment later.
Ray looked over at him and saw that he seemed to be a little unsure. About what, Ray wasn't completely sure. Was it about the conversation that he wanted to have? Or just being in the gym and not knowing where to start or where he was allowed? "Go ahead and start anywhere," he prompted as he motioned around. He really meant for all of the above, the talk and the workout. He could take it.
"Thank you...for letting us go out last night..I know we ended up being out a lot later than—"
"You don't have to thank me for that," Ray told him quickly. It wasn't like he was one where Felicity should have to ask permission to go out. The only reason why they had all been more cautious is because his girls had all just been shot at and then there were the death threats. "Felicity makes her own decisions… She needed it. You needed it. Plus, I knew that you weren't going to let anything happen to her."
"Because I was in the League of Assassins?"
"No."
"Because I was the Arrow?"
Ray smirked. "No." Oliver turned and stared at him for a long moment. To everyone else, including Donna and Quentin, those would have been the best reasons WHY someone would be worthy and able to protect Felicity. To him, though, none of that mattered if you didn't care for them. "Because you love her." He let that sink in, for both of them. "And when you love someone, you do everything in your power to keep them safe… You'd give your life for theirs, in an instant…without thinking about it. It would be as natural as breathing."
"Yes."
"Maybe we're not so different."
He turned and went back to doing his sets. Ray was fairly sure that he had caught Oliver off guard. It wasn't like he'd meant to do it, he was just stating facts. No matter how much Oliver loved Felicity, that didn't matter to him, the fact alone that Oliver loved Felicity meant that he'd still do anything to keep her safe. That's why he'd stuck around. That's why he'd been there when Felicity and the girls had needed help…probably why his family was still alive. So, in a way…he really did owe Oliver Queen for that.
"Maybe not," Oliver echoed.
They were both quiet for a long while.
"I know she's happy," Oliver spoke up first, breaking the silence. "I know that you make her happy. We caught up as much as we could when you've been out of contact with the other person for five years… She told me how she feels like you saved her from the darkness."
"Saved her?" Ray asked and stopped then. He turned and looked to Oliver for explanation. In all of their time together, he never had really thought of himself as saving Felicity. He'd always been in the mindset that Felicity had saved him, time and time again.
"She said that she was in a dark place," Oliver explained. "She thought I was dead. She felt like the others were pushing her away. That she didn't have a place in the world anymore or know how to live in it. She said that you pulled her out of that." Oliver was quiet for a moment. "That you kept her going. You gave her a purpose after she'd lost hope in things."
Ray just stared at Oliver for a long moment. The truth hit him suddenly, they'd all saved each other. "I'd argue that she saved me," Ray finally spoke up. "But now that I'm thinking it…maybe we've all saved each other… The Arrow was once a killer…"
"I was the Hood back then."
"Arrow sounds better."
"I don't disagree with you."
Smirking, he found himself liking Oliver more and more every minute. "Something changed."
"Felicity suggested that there was another way to do things," Oliver admitted. He was quiet, as if remembering that moment. "She was the first person after I came back from Lian Yu that I actually saw as a person… SHE anchored me to this world…brought me back to the world…little at a time."
"She challenged me," Ray put out there, feeling like they were sharing. It only felt right to share something with him. Maybe there would be a bit more understanding between the two of them that way. "I'm used to being the smartest person in the room, but Felicity…" There had been so many times where Felicity had proved to be the one who was smarter and better and faster. He watched Oliver smile.
"She's remarkable."
"She is."
"She challenged me, too," Oliver said. "I was…I AM a better person because of her…"
"I can't think of a single person in this world that's NOT better for knowing for Felicity, for having her in their life…even if it was brief…" Ray admitted. "But I know what you mean… I was on this path to change the city…"
"Star City?"
"It's good, right?" Ray asked as he flashed a smile. He'd brought up that big rebrand when he'd done his presentation to the board at Queen Consolidated before he'd bought Oliver's family's company and changed it to Palmer Technologies. Ray paused for a moment thinking about how things had changed so much. "Felicity gave me a chance to do more…she's changed my vision…it's become something more…so much more than I thought I wanted. She kept me from the darkness, too."
"Liv."
"What?" Ray asked.
"Liv. Olivia. She's up…" Oliver said as he pointed to where the little blonde curly-top little girl had her pressed against the glass of the door. She was still dressed in her princess nightgown still. She suddenly started to giggle, her blue eyes twinkling. Neither Ray nor Oliver could hold back a laugh in response.
"Daddy!" Liv screamed happily and then started to jump even more.
"You know, she's named after you," Ray said as he moved towards the door. He was certain that Oliver had caught onto that, but Ray wondered what Oliver's thoughts were on that. A surprise? Shock? Confusion? Touched?
"I noticed," Oliver commented. "I wondered if…now…you had regrets?"
"I look at her," Ray said as he opened the door and swept Liv up into his arms and brought her into the gym with him. Liv's arms wrapped around his neck and squeezed with far too much strength and power for a two year old. The thing was her was that she ALWAYS amazed him. "And I can't think of any other name I would name her… She's definitely an Olivia Meghan." Liv was kissing his cheek and generally loving on him, he kissed her cheek and was just happy that his youngest was in such a good mood.
"She looks like Felicity."
Ray was beaming proudly. "She does, doesn't she?" he asked as he looked from Liv to Oliver. "That's what the Meghan's for…Felicity was against naming her Olivia Felicity… She could have wanted to name her anything and I would have been happy about it…"
"It's not creepy that she wanted to name her after me?"
"No," Ray said. He supposed that he could see WHY he'd think that. Felicity loved Oliver and named her daughter after another man. Ray didn't care. Oliver was someone in Felicity's life that she'd loved and cared about…who had changed her…helped to shape her into the person that he'd fallen in love with. It had been and still was, someone that Felicity called a friend…considered to be part of her family. There was nothing wrong with that, not in his mind. "Do you think it is?"
"I guess I really don't think I have an opinion on it."
Ray turned Liv so that she was facing out towards Oliver more. "Look at this face. How could you think her name was creepy or weird? She's just a tiny princess." He smiled, but then it caught like wildfire and Oliver was smiling a moment later. "They're all beautiful girls, Ray. You and Felicity have done such a good job with all of them."
"Thanks," Ray said. He appreciated that. There had been a lot of different takes within the media and on social media when it came to opinions of him and Felicity and their family. Some people thought that they were perfect and a great family while others thought that he was horrible for forcing three practically grown children on a woman who was so young and with them newly married, before they'd even had children of their own. He knew that those opinions didn't matter. Ray knew that Felicity was happy and that their family all understood and supported their decision. There was something about Oliver's comment that just made him feel a bit better about things, maybe because Oliver had already stated that he knew that Felicity was happy there…with him…and with their family.
The sound of happy screaming pulled everyone's attention to what was going on out in the living room. Ray was fairly sure that that was going to be the extent of his workout today. He opened the door and took a step out, Liv still in his arms, as he held the door open for Oliver. Not more than a three feet from the door he found Donna in Quentin's arms and a kiss that didn't seem to end. If anyone thought that maybe they weren't together or seeing each other, he was fairly sure that that kiss should have sealed the deal.
"Well, Donna's up…" Ray said and looked over to Oliver.
"And Quentin apparently has a key to your place."
"Papa," Liv said as she pointed to Quentin. "Nan. Kissing."
"Yep, not something we normally see," Ray commented and set Liv down. The toddler ran immediately towards her grandparents, hugging their legs. Ray laughed and was just happy that the house was quiet and there was happiness in it. "I guess the workout is cut short…but you go on back in there, you can use it…"
"No, I think there might be some more people who might need breakfast."
"They CAN do it on their own," Ray reminded. "Don't let them trick you…"
"Oh, they're good… They have superpowers…"
"I am familiar with them," Ray responded with a smirk. "They can get adults to do far more than they need…but I mean, I can't argue with how they end up using the time they would lose if they made their own breakfast, for example."
"They DO read a lot."
"We're not complaining."
Oliver smiled a bit brighter. "I'm pretty sure they all have a better vocabulary than I do…even Liv."
"They're all on their ways to being smarter than us," Ray commented. "It's something to be proud of…and fear." Oliver laughed in response. Ray reached out and patted his shoulder for a moment. "I'm going to go check on Alex and Clara and then see if Felicity's up yet."
"Okay."
Ray headed towards the bedrooms and figured that Quentin and Donna would be fine since Quentin was talking to Etta and Donna was having what looked like a lively conversation with Liv. He was fairly sure that Oliver would be okay on his own. He found Alex and Clara still in pajamas, sitting on the bed together, reading. This was not unusual, but Ray knew that keeping them inside was not helping things. He knocked on the doorframe to gather their attentions before entering. "How are my girls?"
"Bored," they managed to respond together as they looked over at him.
Ray smiled and then sighed and took a moment to kiss both of their heads. "Well, what can I do to make you two un-bored?"
"Please say we can go to school," Clara practically begged.
"Or shopping," Alex brought up.
Clara seemed instantly in awe at Alex's idea, looking at her instead of at him. "Bookstore," they both said with the biggest smiles in unison.
"You do realize that there's a death threat hanging over our family, right?" Ray asked them. They were old enough to understand what that meant, though he really wasn't trying to push that thought on either of the girls.
"We have an Uncle John," Clara pointed out.
"We have an Oliver," Alex added a moment later. She tilted her head as she turned to him. "Are we calling him Uncle Oliver?"
"I think that's something that you need to discuss with him," Ray said. John and Lyla had been in the girls' lives since they'd come into his and Felicity's. The girls absolutely adored Sara. They were all part of this larger special family, he wasn't sure if Oliver was okay with being called 'uncle' or not. He didn't want to force anything on him. It was really Oliver's choice on whether or not he wanted to be part of their family.
"Excellent!" Alex looked to Clara and then they were both looking back at him. "So, does that mean yes?"
"I'll talk it over with your mom," Ray told them. "But you could grace us with your presence at breakfast…with non-pajama-clothing on."
Alex sighed. "I sup-pose we could do that…"
Ray just smiled and left them before heading to the back bedroom. He was quiet as he opened the door, just in case she was still asleep. He found her still in bed, but he could see that her eyes were open and could tell that she was checking her e-mail on her phone (even though a blanket was hiding it from his vision). "Hey," he whispered as he tucked himself into the room and closed the door behind him. Everyone else in the house didn't need to KNOW that Felicity was up just yet. He smiled at her and she smiled in return. It was nice to see that she seemed so happy.
"Hi," she whispered back and set her phone over on the nightstand. "I might have thought about hiding in here for a little longer."
"Do you want company?" Ray asked her. He sat on the edge of the bed and smiled down at her before dropping a quick kiss on her lips.
Felicity blushed in response. "I wouldn't mind company," she told him.
Ray leaned down and kissed her again, this time taking his time and allowing for her to kiss him back. His hands were on her face and he was about to pull back when there was a rather loud knock at the door. They both sighed in immediate response. "Of course," he mumbled and gave her a quick kiss before turning his attention to the door. "Who is it?" he called.
"Mom! Just was checking to see if Felicity was going to come out of the room anytime this morning. Liv is asking for her!" Donna called.
"Just give us a minute," Ray called back.
"If I'm interrupting, you two just take as long as you need!"
Her voice was definitely loud enough that everyone in the house could hear her. Ray sighed again and shook his head. Donna was always loud and always seemed to find the best times to interrupt her, but at the same time she was always the one who liked to loudly voice her support of them staying in bed all day.
"Liv's up?" Felicity finally asked as she sat up.
"Yeah…but not for long," Ray told her. "She's still in pajamas…"
Felicity sighed. "I was going to shower…"
"So, shower…"
"But the guilt trip has already begun…and the judging…"
Ray looked between Felicity and the door as he tried to piece things together. He knew that Felicity loved her mother, they all did, but she was definitely a vocal person who expected things to go a certain way. "You mean your mom, right? Because I—"
Felicity smiled and pulled him to her as she kissed him. "You are the perfect husband, Ray, remember?"
"I like that."
She kissed him again. "Good."
"So, take your shower…and I'll uh take care of your mother…"
"You are the one who needs a shower…"
"Well," Ray said honestly. "I wanted to take one WITH you, but—"
"Didn't you hear her? If she was interrupting something…"
"Wait," Ray said. He swore he was a smart person, but sometimes trying to keep up with what was going on with Felicity and her mother and everyone else made his head spin. He was far too used to the way things normally went in the mornings… It was normally quiet and predictable. He liked quiet and predictable when it came to things like that. "Does that mean—"
cut because of adult content — see AO3 for full scene
Flashback - 5 years before
"Is he going to be okay?"
Silence.
"John?!"
Her voice.
It was always her voice that brought him back to reality. This wasn't the first time he'd been out in the field, as they called it, and had to be hauled back. ATOM wasn't perfect and then there was the lack of his fighting skills. He'd thought about trying to implement some kind of fighting program into the suit, but that would be a whole other project to tackle. Sometimes he was okay in the field and others…like tonight…he just wasn't experienced enough and then he woke to Felicity's panicked voice.
"I'm…fine…I think," Ray blurted out groggily.
His eyes opened and he groaned more as he took in the cracked face shield and interface screen. That was going to take a lot of work to fix. He just needed to make a lot of spares. Lots of spare parts, yes, that's what he needed.
"Oh my God! Ray!" Felicity's worried voice echoed in his ears as she carefully removed his helmet.
"Maybe I shouldn't go out into the field anymore."
"I think I said that after the first time," Diggle commented. "Don't move, though… Still not sure that you didn't break a rib or something."
"If it's only a rib, I'll count myself lucky."
"Are you sure that your plan is still only going to be three years?" Felicity asked.
Ray had a feeling that she was trying to distract him because she kept looking in Diggle's direction and then back to him. The real hard part about this was that they needed to remove the suit. There was no way that Diggle could really know how injured he was until he got the suit off. "I don't know, I was thinking it might just be two years now."
He heard Diggle laugh in response.
"What?"
"I'm just thinking that right now…it feels more like a seven year plan," Diggle commented.
Propping himself up, so that he could see Diggle, he opened his mouth to speak, but then it just hung open. "What—what are you doing?!" he asked. John Diggle wasn't examining him like he did Roy or Laurel, but rather he had plugged in a tablet to ATOM itself. He looked then to Felicity because she had to be the one to have put together what Diggle was using.
"I'm making sure your ribs aren't broken."
"You're using ATOM to do it," Ray said slowly as he looked to Felicity. She was standing a foot back, she was nervous, and didn't seem able to keep still. An arm across her body until it rested in the bend of her other arm. The other arm was straight up, her fingers resting against her lips. "How—"
"Can we go over all of that AFTER Digg says that you're not going to die?"
"He's not going to die," Diggle said.
"I'm not going to die," Ray said almost at the same time.
At that moment, he could see the real fear in her eyes. It was then that he remembered how she'd been so afraid of losing people. Over the last several weeks, he'd met John Diggle, Roy Harper, Thea Queen, and Laurel Lance and they'd all been working to keep the city safe. He'd felt like he was apart of their family. He'd felt so much closer to Felicity and honestly couldn't think of losing that connection with her.
His face dropped and his voice was quiet and almost sober. "I'm sorry," he blurted out. The last thing Ray wanted to do was to worry her or scare her. All of the other times that he'd come in beaten and bruised, he wondered if he'd scared her as much as he had now. Was that why she'd gone and made the program that could hook into his tablet and ensure that he was okay? Was she afraid of losing him as much as he was afraid of losing her?
All he wanted was for the city to be safe.
To be better.
He hadn't ever thought that he'd settle for having someone special in his life. Not after Anna. But here he was. Here he was falling in love with Felicity Smoak. She was so much and everything…and…Ray just couldn't stop wanting to do whatever he could that would make her happy. His crusade had been for Anna, to honor her life…to avenge her…but then he'd found another need for his crusade.
Felicity.
"You're sorry?" Felicity asked and seemed confused.
"I didn't mean to scare you," he whispered. Ray groaned as he pushed himself up more. Right now, he was more concerned about making things right with Felicity, even if that meant riding the bench (or the other computer chair, as it were). "Maybe I'm not meant to be out in the field."
"Lay back down," Felicity told him and pressed him back and he allowed it, complying to her wishes. His hand wrapped around hers and he noticed the way that she looked down at it. Ray didn't want to be the cause of any pain for her. He wouldn't be another 'loss' that she would tick away on the list of loved ones that were taken from her too soon.
"I was just going to suggest that maybe you need more defensive training IN the Foundry before you go back out there," Diggle spoke up.
Ray's eyes never left Felicity, though.
"He's right," Felicity whispered gently, her eyes on him. "I don't want to lose you."
"You're not going to lose me."
"I've heard that before," she told him, her voice breaking and tears spilling from her eyes.
It was like he'd hurt her even more saying those words. Ray wanted to ask her who else had promised that she wouldn't lose them and then had been lost just the same, but he didn't. There were certain things about Felicity that he'd picked up, like not pushing for answers…when she was really ready to tell him things…she did. Simple as that. He just had to wait.
Ray stared at her, he was determined for her to know that he wasn't going to be like the other. "I mean it."
"So did he."
End Flashback
cut because of adult content — see AO3 for full scene
"I love you," he told her before kissing her again.
"I love you, too," Felicity whispered and beamed at him. "You know…" she said as he continued to hold her up. Her fingers ran through his hair as she spoke. She was glowing. "You always have this stupid smile on your face when we're done…"
"Do I?"
Felicity nodded. "I love it."
Ray had no idea that he had some kind of stupid smile, but he was glad that she loved it. Taking a moment, he kissed her again before slowly lowering Felicity to her feet. In all honesty, he didn't know how much longer he could hold her up. It wasn't that she was heavy, it was just that his body was recovering.
He wished that they weren't rushed.
Thoughts of how he would make it up to Felicity later started to run through his head as they both went to work on the actual act of showering. People were waiting for them to appear and he was certain that Donna would know that they'd been up to something. Ray actually thought it was good for her for her thoughts to run wild no matter if they were doing what she thought or not. He actually thought that Donna tended to not drive Felicity as crazy when that happened.
Turning off the water, he waited and happily watched as she exited first. Felicity was taking the time to towel dry at the doorway of their shower. "Windows that tint with remote. We should have those. I'm talking about the kind that make the windows turn black. The kind of black that you can't see through. Well, it doesn't have to be a WINDOW, just glass. Any kind of glass."
Felicity turned to him then, she was obviously confused as she towel dried her hair. He loved it when she allowed her hair to curl naturally. Of course, he loved Felicity no matter what she did to her hair…she was always beautiful. There was just something more beautiful about her allowing her hair to do what nature had intended.
Ray didn't explain. His brain was going a mile a minute as he thought about the concept and the applications of it. Grabbing his towel once she'd stepped all the way out, he took a moment to towel himself off before he secured the towel around his waist.
"We're not installing that kind of glass at the office," Felicity told him.
Crap.
She'd figured it out.
Ray pouted a bit. "You can't deny that the thought of us—"
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"You're saying that you've never thought about you sitting on the edge of your desk and my hands on your thighs as I'm pushing back your dress," Ray said as he moved towards her. His arms wrapped around her, his hands found her thighs as he pushed the towel up, pretending it was the hem of her dress.
"Ray!"
"What?" he asked with a smile. He moved away from her and started to get done what he needed to in the bathroom. The concept of time was lost on both of them. Ray really didn't care. He knew that even if there were no adults out in the common areas with their kids that all of the kids would have been just fine. All of the older three were more than capable of keeping an eye on Liv and getting breakfast on their own. "I just can't believe that you haven't thought about it…"
"I have," Felicity conceded. "But that doesn't mean that we SHOULD do it."
Thoughts of styling his hair suddenly didn't matter as he looked over at her. A huge grin on his face. "You HAVE thought about it!"
"I'm not a nun!"
"I should hope not," he teased.
She shook her head at him and busied herself with her make-up.
"There would be other things beside office sex that I'm sure the glass could be used for," Ray told her. "General privacy could be one."
"Mmmhmmm…"
"Would help with napping during the day."
"Why would there need to be napping in an office during the day?"
Ray shrugged as he worked on perfecting his hair. "Hey, if you're CEO…and you've done everything you need to do. I don't think that taking a nap is completely out of question." He looked over to see her smile as she did her mascara. "Some people just like darker environments, too."
"You're going to continue with this list, aren't you?"
"I have more reasons."
"I'm sure you do."
The two of them finished getting ready and dressed in relative silence. It wasn't until the two of them were nearly at their bedroom door in order to join the others, when Ray's mouth was on her neck. He was kissing her in the hollow of it as his fingers danced along her thighs as her dress came up with them.
Felicity moaned for a moment before giggling and slapping his hands away. "Behave," she told him as she turned to him and kissed him.
"For now."
TBC…