Chapter Ten: I Wanna See You Be Brave
By the time that seven rolled around, they were all ready. Dean was waiting for Cas by the door so they could go and get into the car. They were meeting Jo and Sam at Red Robin, and then, since they were in Harvelle's quite a lot, they had chosen a club to go to, they weren't going to go there. Dean called out, "Babe, we're going to be late! I'm starving, and this is my cheat day, so I get a burger!" He was busy texting Sam that he was trying to get Cas to get a move on. Sam had let him know that they were on their way to Red Robin.
Dean waited for a response, and then he went to the bedroom, he knew Cas wasn't upstairs, since their bedroom had been moved temporarily to the downstairs. "Cas? What's taking so long?" He asked, as he stuck his head in the doorway. Cas was standing in front of the office closet, which wasn't meant to be used for clothes, so only Dean's stuff was in there, really. He didn't know what he was doing, Cas' stuff was upstairs in the master bedroom, which they would move back to when Dean could finally climb stairs without a problem.
Cas wasn't sure what he was doing, really. He was dressed, and his hair was brushed and tidied. He turned to Dean. "I don't know, okay?" He was feeling all kinds of things, mostly things that he couldn't put into words. Cas toyed with the ends of the dress shirt he was wearing underneath his sweater as he looked at his husband. He knew that Dean was going to notice that something was wrong immediately, Cas wasn't so good at hiding his emotions, and he never really tried to hide anything from Dean. They just didn't have that kind of relationship.
"I know this was my idea, but is there any way we can get out of this?" Cas asked, he all of a sudden didn't feel like going out. He knew Dean was going to be disappointed, they hadn't gotten to go out in awhile, and Frankie had already been packed off to John and Ellen's for the next couple of days, so they could go out and not worry about her. Cas couldn't stop thinking about the fact that Dean didn't know about his attack in high school. He knew he had nothing to feel guilty about, he had told Dean that there was something he needed to tell him. He just, it didn't feel right that he didn't know.
Dean stepped forward, meeting Cas' eye. "Babe, what is this about?" He asked, he could tell something was off with him, and he just didn't know what. He eyed him carefully, and stepped closer still, and he wondered what he was going to say. Cas was turning white as a sheet. "I know that something's up with you. You're acting strange, and you just turned white as a sheet." He said, this wasn't like Cas at all. He didn't know what it was, but it was something.
"We've got a night off for the first time in awhile, you should be happy about that. I know I am. I really haven't had a burger in forever, and I am really looking forward to eating it. So what's this about?" Dean asked, reaching out and taking Cas' hands, using them to tug him closer. He didn't take his green eyes off Cas' blue ones, and he wondered what he was going to do if Cas was going to tell him something bad. Dean had this worry that it was about Cas' past, whatever it was that had happened to him. Dean knew he'd been thinking about it a lot lately, and he didn't know that he wanted to know what it was. It wasn't going to change how much he loved Cas, and it wasn't going to change him wanting to be with him.
Whatever it was, it had made Cas who he was, and Dean knew that he loved who Cas was.
Cas let Dean pull him closer, and he toyed with the buttons on Dean's shirt. He didn't know that he could keep things in anymore. He didn't want to. "Dean….. I know that I told you that something happened to me when I was in high school." It had been 20 years now, and Cas still wasn't as over it as he would like to be. He was toying with going to therapy again, with all of this with Dean, he was feeling helpless and it wasn't helping him a bit. Cas took a deep breath. "This is the wrong time to tell you, but I have to get it off my chest."
It wasn't going to be easy. Cas directed them to the bed, it was best to be sitting down. Cas took a deep breath, not sure where to start. "When I was in high school, that was when I came out. I was starting to have issues with it, my brothers weren't accepting of me. So I started talking to my high school counselor about it." He didn't know why he had chosen now of all times to tell Dean, Dean was going to be livid. He wasn't going to want to go anywhere, and it was just going to end in misery. But he had already started this, so he was going to go with it.
"She was really nice at first, told me that my feelings were valid, and all of that. I don't know when she started to change, but she did. She started to tell me that since I hadn't really kissed a boy before, how did I know I was gay?" Cas' voice was wobbling, but he was determined to get through this. He cleared his throat, and started talking again. "I don't….. She decided that she was going to try and change my mind." Cas almost couldn't bear the look on Dean's face. He looked like he was going to be sick.
"One afternoon, she locked the door to her office, it was late, no one else was around. She told me she was going to make me a man, and….. And she forced me to have sex with her." Cas said, and that's when the tears spilled out of his eyes, and fell off his cheeks.
Dean was horrified, and disgusted. He wanted to ask so many things, and at the sight of the tears on Cas' face, he leaned forward, and pressed kisses wherever he saw one, and then pulled back to look at his husband. "Baby…. I understand why that was hard to tell me." Dean managed to keep the anger out of his voice. It was a miracle he wasn't asking for the woman's name so he could go and kill her. He didn't know how Cas hadn't done so himself. Dean didn't know a lot about it, so it's not as if he had a handle on how any of this worked.
He knew he was going to be at a loss as to how to deal with this, but he wanted Cas to know he was there for him. Dean scooted closer to Cas on the bed, and wrapped both of his arms around his husband. Dean had so many questions, he didn't know where to start. He also didn't want to ask him something that was going to upset him. "So this was back home in England?" He asked, and Cas nodded, sniffling. "Cas, you don't have to tell me anything more that you don't want to. I have a million questions, but I also don't want to upset you." He said, pulling back to look at him, cupping Cas' jaw.
Cas didn't know what he wanted Dean to ask. He didn't know how he was going to explain anything when Dean did ask. Cas closed his eyes, as tears fell off his chin. Dean's thumbs moved over his cheeks, removing them off. Cas brushed his hand through his hair and then looked into Dean's eyes. "I don't know that I want to answer any more questions right now…. But I don't want to not tell you. I just… right now I think I just want to stay home.. I feel really helpless right now because of all of this… I just, it's making me freak out."
He didn't really know how he could lay this all on Dean right now. He knew that Dean wasn't supposed to be stressed out. Cas sniffled. "I'm so sorry that I am laying all of this on you…. You aren't supposed to get stressed out." He said, Cas felt horribly guilty that he was laying all of this on him. Cas started to cry, and he buried his head in Dean's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, I'm supposed to be the strong one for you. I can't believe that I did this." Cas couldn't believe he had done this. He had had to tell him now. He hadn't wanted to. Cas felt so guilty that he had done this and he could barely breathe.
Dean stroked Cas' back. "No, you shut that talk up right now. You don't have to be strong for me, Castiel Winchester. You love me, and I love you. I don't need you to be the strong one. I just need you to be here. I will be whatever you need me to be. If you are feeling things because of all of this, then I want you to tell me about it. Don't hold it in. Believe me, I've done the holding it in thing and it never goes well." He was glad that Cas had told him. He really was. It felt like they were really getting closer. Dean also was glad that Cas wasn't holding it in anymore. "And if you want to stay home, I'm okay with that. I mean, not really, but if you need that then I am okay with that."
In all honesty, Cas really didn't want to go. He knew that Dean did though. "If you want to go without me, I won't be mad. I just, I can't go out tonight. I know it was my idea, but I just can't." Cas said. He leaned into him, burying his head in his neck. Cas didn't know what he wanted Dean to do. He wasn't sure if he wanted to be alone or not. It was hard to know. Cas took a deep sniff of Dean's neck. It was his favorite smell. He couldn't go without it for the rest of his life. He just couldn't. He was starting to freak out about losing Dean. He had to be the strong one. Cas knew that. It wasn't exactly helping to be the one freaking out.
He lifted his head, and looked into Dean's green eyes. "You don't have to be scared I'm going to break. I'll be okay if you go." Cas told him, he saw the uncertainty in those green eyes, and he wondered if he was always going to be haunted by that look. Dean didn't know what it was like to have all control taken from you. Cas supposed he could understand a little, what with his heart condition, but it really wasn't the same thing. Cas really didn't want him to be able to understand, because of what that would mean. Cas couldn't handle Dean going through that. Dean was going to have to be there for him without knowing exactly how he felt. He didn't know how he was going to ever explain.
Dean looked into Cas' blue eyes. "I don't want to go and leave you upset like this. I can go out and get us some burgers from BK or something and we can stay in. I don't want to go out without you." He said, looking into Cas' eyes. He didn't like the idea of leaving Cas home alone. He wasn't sure that it was the best idea. Cas was feeling vulnerable and he was upset. Dean didn't want to wonder what he would come home to if he left Cas home alone. "Okay? I'm not going to leave you alone tonight." He kissed him, trying to put all of the love that he felt for him in the kiss.
After it broke, he let go. "I'll text Jo and tell her we stayed home, and I'll go and get us something to eat. And we'll get into our pjs and watch one of those sappy movies you like to watch on tv." He said, looking into Cas' eyes until he nodded and sniffled, giving Dean a soft smile. Dean kissed his forehead and went out to the car, texting Jo on the way. He really hated that this had happened to Cas, and he almost wished he'd asked the bitch's name so he could go and look her up. Dean wanted to kill her, he wanted to kill her for what she'd done to Cas. His precious Cas, who looked like an angel when he was sleeping. Who was an angel in every sense of the word, because he had saved Dean. Dean knew that he would have died if it hadn't been for Cas. He knew that he still might, but he wasn't going to leave Cas any sooner than he could help it.
When he got in the car, before going anywhere, he pulled out his phone and called John. He wanted to tell John about it, ask for his advice. He knew it was Cas' news to tell, but he trusted John not to say anything to Cas if Dean asked him not to. He waited while the phone rang, and when John said hello Dean the whole story came pouring out in one breath. "Dad… he…. That woman, she just took what she wanted. And Cas…. I can't even imagine what he must be feeling. I just, I want to help him and I don't know how. I mean, I'm trying to do my best. I just don't know if it's enough." Dean finished, and by the time he had, there were tears in his eyes.
When John heard the whole story, he wasn't sure what he was going to say. He knew that rape of men was something that happened, but it hadn't ever had anything to do with him. He'd done the two year tour of Special Victims, but John was fairly certain that he hadn't even run across it then. John had had to do a couple years of therapy after he'd worked that unit. Ever since then he'd been in Homicide. John still had a bit of issues from seeing dead bodies, but it wasn't as bad as working the SVU. John wished he knew what to tell Dean to do. "I know you want advice, Dean, but honestly, I don't know what to tell you. I've never had personal experience with this, and I don't even begin to know what Cas must be feeling."
John had just come from putting Frankie to bed, and now he was on his way to the living room, he was going to watch some television with Ellen. They had both gotten their going out to party on NYE out of the way long ago. John had bought some bubbly, and they were going to drink it together, but that was as far as it went. They were babysitting, they didn't want to get too messy. John stopped off in the kitchen first, they were eating party food, pizza rolls, taquitos, stuff like that. He was checking on what was in the oven. Ellen was already in the living room, he could hear the television. John said, "What you need to do is whatever Cas needs. I know that you two aren't exactly having the best of times right now, but you've got each other. And now you have Frankie. You need to be there for her."
All of what his father said was true, but that didn't make it any easier to hear. Dean sighed and tried to keep his voice steady. He didn't want to get upset and have John hear him. "I can't believe that this happened to him." Dean said, he still couldn't wrap his mind around it. He supposed that that was normal, he hadn't even known for a half an hour yet. Dean swallowed past the lump in his throat. He didn't know what else to say. Dean sighed again and said, "I gotta go Dad, I promised Cas that I'd go and pick up something for us to eat so we could stay home and veg out. He's upset enough that he doesn't want to go out with Jo and Sam." He said, starting up the Impala.
He and John said their goodbyes, and Dean backed out of the driveway. He was going to have to do something. He wondered why Cas had never pressed charges. He wondered if the statute of limitations had run out. Dean wasn't sure what he remembered from John working in Special Victims, but it wasn't much. Dean was sure that he couldn't still press charges. Although Dean knew that it was Cas' choice, and whatever Cas had chosen Dean was going to accept. Dean headed towards the Burger King that was closest to Cas', and he wondered how his life might have been different if he'd never met Cas. It was freaky. Dean didn't even want to think about it. As much as he wanted to kill this woman for what she had done to his husband, he knew that his husband wouldn't be who he was without it. And Dean loved him just the way he was.
All in all it only took about twenty minutes to get the food and get back. Dean had had to resist getting the double Whopper, even though he'd really wanted to. He was having a cheat day but that didn't mean he had to get something that could possibly kill him. He felt proud of himself that he had managed to just get a regular Whopper. He entered the house, and called out, "Babe, I'm home!" He moved into the living room. Cas was on the couch, wearing some of Dean's pjs, and he was watching Will and Grace reruns. Dean made a face. "I don't care what we watch, but please, not that." Dean had hated that show. Lisa AND Charlie had both been fans, and between the two of them Dean had seen them all at least four times. He didn't even think he'd be able to appreciate it now, what with him having a husband.
Cas accepted the bag of food that Dean handed him. "Was Jo upset?" He asked, muting the television. He was fine with watching something else, he owned the entire series as it was and could watch it whenever he wanted. Cas knew which food was his, he pulled out a chicken sandwich and onion rings. He wondered if Dean had behaved himself at least a little with his choice of dinner. Cas said, "Go change so you don't get mayonnaise on your clothes and then we'll pick something together." He accepted the kiss Dean gave him and watched him head off down the hall. Cas was wearing some of Dean's Dallas Cowboy sweats. He liked to wear them because they smelled like Dean. He knew how old they were too, Dean had had them since he was 20 or so. They were faded and worn, but they were still very comfortable.
He watched as Dean came back into the room about five minutes later. He was wearing some of Cas' Columbia sweats. He moved to sit with Cas on the couch. Cas was pulling up the On Demand to select something for them to watch. Cas needed happy. He couldn't handle anything too dramatic. Cas personally wouldn't mind something Disney, but he knew that Dean was going to want to put a kibosh on that, because they got a lot of that when Frankie was home. Cas watched as Dean sat down on the couch, as close as he could to his husband. Cas knew that Dean was trying to be what he needed right now. Cas really appreciated that. He leaned and kissed Dean, deeply.
"Thanks for being who you are. Thanks for trying to be what I need you to be." Cas said, when the kiss had broken. He didn't know what he would do without Dean. He stroked Dean's jaw. "I love you."
Dean kissed him again and then reached for his food. "I love you too, Cas." He said. He opened his Whopper and took a bite. Cas was focused on picking something for them to watch. Dean watched as Cas moved through the On Demand choices. When he stopped on Liv and Maddie, Dean groaned. "Dammit, Cas….. Frankie's not here. Why do we have to watch Disney?" He asked, but the tone he used he knew Cas would know he wasn't going to say no. Dean knew that Cas was upset and he wanted Cas to have what he wanted. If that meant the saccharine that was a Disney show, then that was what they would do. Dean just wished that Cas wasn't so into Disney things, it wasn't his favorite. And he knew that that was one of the reasons Frankie was so attached to Cas. They liked a lot of the same things. It was also one of the reasons Dean loved Cas. He was a child at heart.
He took a bigger bite of his burger, and wondered if they were going to talk anymore about what Cas had told him or they were just going to relax and be together. Dean had a million questions, but he also didn't want to make Cas uncomfortable. Dean wasn't sure what to ask anyway. He didn't know what was acceptable. Dean hadn't ever known someone who had gone through what Cas had. It didn't seem fair. He reached for some fries as the theme song for the show played. Cas was singing along, pausing his eating to do so. Dean knew that Cas loved to sing even if he wasn't so good at it. Dean was good enough for the both of them though, and he sang as often as he could.
Settling back on the couch, Dean watched Cas watch the show. They would have to keep it a secret from Frankie that they were watching it without her. She would have a cow. Dean loved watching Cas watch tv. He got so into it. It was really cute. Dean just hoped that that would continue while Cas was having all these uproar of feelings.
Meanwhile, Jo and Sam were at the club they'd chosen to go to. With Dean and Cas not coming, they'd opted to go to dinner after they'd rung in the New Year. Jo was of the mind that Steak and Shake was just as good as Red Robin. She was standing at the bar, trying to decide what to order. Sam was staking them out a booth. It was a gay club, Jo had picked it out. Sam always said he was comfortable in his sexuality and he was prepared to deal with men if they hit on him. Jo was sure they wouldn't, although she wasn't sure that she blamed them if they did, her fiance was incredibly gorgeous. She finally got to order, and she came away from the bar with a beer for Sam and a large virgin lime margarita for herself. Jo was wondering why Dean and Cas had opted to stay home. Dean hadn't told her.
Jo joined Sam at their table. "It's hopping in here." She said. Honestly, she was surprised that they'd been able to find a table for the two of them. She handed him his beer. Sam wasn't a big drinker. Jo cast her glance around the club, wondering if they knew anyone, and that's when she saw Balthazar. She instantly stiffened, but Sam didn't seem to notice. He was answering a text on his phone. Jo tucked some of her blonde hair behind her ear. She'd done some curling with it, to give it some body. She watched Balthazar out of the corner of her eye. Jo didn't want him to catch sight of her. Hopefully he wouldn't. It was kind of crowded in here, it was amazing she'd even spotted him. Jo wondered what he was doing here, it wasn't like Balthazar was gay. And he didn't seem to be the type of man who was accepting of those who were, considering some of the comments she'd heard him say from time to time.
Sam put his phone back in his pocket, and that's when he noticed that something was off with Jo. "Jo?" He asked, wondering what was up with her. He followed her gaze, and then he noticed that she was looking at Balthazar. Wow. Sam was doing his best not to jump up from the table and beat the living daylights out of him. This club was a lot busier than Harvelle's tended to be, and he could at least be certain that he wasn't likely to spot them. Sam touched Jo's arm and leaned to whisper to her. "It'll be okay, baby. I won't let him hurt you." There was also the fact that there were hundreds of people here. He wasn't likely to try anything with people here.
He also had half a mind to go over to him and force him to drop the charges. Sam didn't think he was going to have to worry about getting convicted, there were others who would testify that the man had been getting out of control, but it would still be nice if it all went away. Sam and John hadn't really spoken about it since it had first happened, but Sam knew that it was still a bone of contention with them. Sam was doing his best not to mention it, so they wouldn't fight about it.
Before Jo could reply, Balthazar had spotted them and he made his way over. Sam growled. "Why are you coming over here?" He asked. He didn't want to deal with him. It was a holiday, and they were here to have fun.
Balthazar gave Sam a grin. He too was a Brit. "So, I did not expect to find you here, love." He said to Jo, completely ignoring Sam. He didn't want to talk to him, it was obvious. Jo kept her eyes on Balthazar, she didn't trust him a bit. Jo watched him as he leaned against the wall next to their table, seemingly content to keep standing there. He didn't seem to care that it was a club full of people that could see them. They might not be able to hear because of the music, but they could see. Jo folded her arms on the table, trying to keep calm.
"I don't want to talk to you, Balthazar. Because of you my fiance is up on assault charges. And we all know that you had every intent of forcing yourself on me." Jo was surprised at her words. She hadn't expected to have any kind of bravado when confronted with Balthazar again. She refused to let him scare her. Jo was scared, but she didn't want to let him see it. Jo brushed her hand across her arm, and then reached for her drink, taking a sip, all the while her eyes not leaving Balthazar's. "You can go run along to whomever you came here with, Balthazar." Jo told him, wishing her voice was stronger than it was. It would sound better if she sounded more sure of herself. Although it was noisy in the club, so there was a chance he didn't even note her tone, just the words.
As he leaned closer to her, Sam was itching to jump out of his seat and force the man back. He kept himself in the chair though. Balthazar said something, Sam wasn't even sure what it was, it was too noisy in here. But it sounded like a denial of what Jo had said. "Oh hell no, Balthazar. You had every intent of forcing Jo to do what you wanted. There are people who are going to testify to that fact. You aren't going to get away with this." Sam said, keeping the other man's gaze, making sure that he knew he was serious. For once, there seemed to be a break in the other man's facade. He seemed to be digesting what Sam had said. "You will not get away with what you tried to do, Balthazar. We will fight you tooth and nail."
What the other man had attempted to do to his fiance was the last straw. He had come into Harvelle's for years, but for some reason, he'd started to get predatory. That seemed odd to Sam, people who were like Balthazar seemed to be didn't just start to assault people in their 30s, which the other man seemed to be. Sam was going to have to do some research, although that really was his lawyer's job. Sam also supposed that Balthazar could have been like this all along and he had just decided to start acting that way around Jo out of nowhere. It could be a coincidence, too. Sam brushed his hand through his longer brown hair. He kept his eyes firmly on the other man, who seemed to have deflated a bit.
"Just leave us alone." Sam reiterated, and kept his gaze on him till he walked away.
Jo let out a sigh, glad that the other man had left. She wondered if he'd approached them because they'd been alone. She knew that he was scared of Dean. He didn't know about Dean's health problems and he had seen Dean beat the living hell out of men that were bigger than he was. Jo did think it was smart of the other man to be afraid of Dean, Dean was of the mind shoot first and ask questions later. He was a Texan, it was just how they were raised around here. Jo looked at Sam. "I am glad you got him to leave. I honestly don't think he would have approached us had Dean been with us." She was a lot disappointed that Dean and Cas had opted to stay home. She wondered again what was going on. Dean had said it was Cas that had backed out.
"Why do you think they stayed home?" She asked curiously. It had been Cas' idea to go out, and she was surprised that he'd stayed home. She knew that Cas wanted to see 2016 go as much as the rest of them did. It had been a horrible year. Yes, there had been things that had happened that were good, but it mostly had been very tumultuous. She didn't know that she could think of a more perfect word to describe the year. "I don't know that I'm not worried. It was Cas' idea that we come out. Frankie's safe at Mom and John's, and they haven't had a night out in awhile." Jo knew that she was only focused on this because she needed to talk about anything but what had just happened.
Sam knew that she was talking about this because she wanted to keep the conversation away from the man that had just walked away. He was fine with that if she needed that. Sam shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe Dean didn't feel well enough to come out." He knew that it had been Cas' idea to stay home, or at least, Dean had said so. Sam wasn't one to call Dean a liar, but it was completely possible that he'd told them it had been Cas' idea when it really had been him trying to save face. Sam checked his watch. It was almost midnight. So this horrible year was finally going to be over. Sam was definitely a fan of that.
"He wouldn't have said so if that was the case. He would have used Cas as an excuse." Sam said. He was looking forward to kissing Jo at midnight, and he was glad that they had opted not to come. Sam was of the mind that NYE was a romantic holiday, and they should all spend time with their significant other. Sam wrapped an arm around the back of Jo's chair. She was still watching the people around them, but Sam knew she was listening. "It's okay, babe, we're together and we're going to have a great kiss at midnight, and then we'll go to Steak and Shake and stuff ourselves. You know you love those milkshakes." He said.
It was true, and Sam was glad that they were together, whether Jo was glad or not. Although he knew she was, she'd been so excited for them to go out.
The next morning, Dean woke up in a disheveled state. He was laying half off the bed. What the hell had gone on last night? They'd watched television, avoiding the ball drop and just making out a bit at midnight. Dean looked down at himself. He was naked. They hadn't really drank much had they? Dean wasn't supposed to get drunk. Dean rubbed his head. It felt like he was hungover, he'd had many of them and he knew what they were like. He turned to look for Cas. He wasn't in the bed with him. Dean got up and reached for a robe, pulling it on. Maybe Cas would be able to tell him what had gone on the night before. Dean remembered making out with Cas, but that was all.
He shuffled to the kitchen. Cas was cooking breakfast. It was actually eleven o'clock, so it was more like brunch. Dean wondered again what had happened. Cas was wearing only a pair of Cowboys sweatpants that he knew belonged to him, and a short robe. Dean walked up behind Cas, wrapping his arms around Cas' waist from behind. "What the hell went on here last night?" Dean asked, cradling Cas close as he watched him cook. Dean felt the pounding of his head, and he was going to have to get some Tylenol or aspirin. He needed to get rid of this headache. He at least didn't feel nauseous. "Why did I wake up naked?" He asked, he was reminded of the morning after he'd met Cas, and it was making him smile despite himself.
Laughing, Cas said, "All we had was some champagne, but you got so wasted because it's been so long since you drank. It was very fun." Cas had made sure to watch his intake, and he honestly hadn't had more than two glasses. "You only had two glasses, but it was enough." He was surprised that it had taken only two glasses. Despite the fact that it had been a long time for Dean, he still had an iron stomach when it came to alcohol. "You really don't remember?" He asked. He was making a Paula Dean favorite, French toast casserole. It was really good, and something he only made every now and then, since it was very fattening.
When Dean shook his head, Cas turned to look at him. The casserole was ready to go in the oven. "We made out for at least an hour, and you insisted on taking off all your clothes." Cas hadn't exactly been one to keep his hands off Dean once he was naked. Cas had kept his clothes on, Dean had insisted. He'd wanted Cas to see him in all of his glory but he hadn't wanted Cas to be naked too. Cas wasn't sure why, unless it had something to do with what he'd told Dean earlier. "We didn't do much other than make out, although you did insist on me giving you a blowjob." Cas had only been too happy to comply, too.
Dean blushed despite himself. "Wow. I must have really been drunk. So did you give me one?" He asked, and his husband nodded. Dean blushed some more and smiled. "Well, at least someone had fun." He hadn't given one to Cas yet, and he was curious as to what it was like. His hands began to roam, sliding down the front of Cas and untying his robe. He slipped his hand into the waistband of Cas' sweats, which he was still fairly certain were his, and his hand ran along the shaft of Cas' long cock. His husband shivered under his touch. Dean hadn't even really touched it before. They'd really refrained from doing a lot of sexual things, since Dean was supposed to keep his heart rate low.
He stroked with his slender fingers, and then turned them around, Cas letting him, his breath shallow. Dean licked his lips, and then he eased the pants off Cas' waist, letting them pool around his ankles. He was faced with Cas' member in all it's glory. He settled himself on his knees, and ran his hand along the underside of the shaft, and Cas' eyes closed in ecstasy. Dean wanted to do this. He took the healthy cock in his mouth, moving along the shaft, his hand cupping his balls at the same time. Dean wasn't sure how to do this exactly, but he knew what he liked, so he knew that Cas would most likely like the same thing. He hummed along Cas' cock, his tongue moving along a raised vein.
Cas' eyes closed. He had imagined this moment millions of times, but it was never in the kitchen where he'd been cooking breakfast. His hand went into Dean's hair, as his husband worked his cock, his mouth working around his long hard member. Cas didn't know how he could ever have imagined this, it was so much better than he'd thought it would be. Dean's hand left hand settled on Cas' hips, as if keeping him from thrusting them. Cas' fingers moved through Dean's hair, and his husband moaned around Cas' length. He gasped out Dean's name, his voice barely above a strangled whisper. "Oh Dean…." He said again, shivering as Dean's tongue ran along the tip. His right hand was still cuddling Cas' balls, and he knew he was going to explode any minute.
As Dean's tongue moved along the shaft, moving up and down his cock, Cas finally came, in Dean's mouth. To Cas' surprise, Dean swallowed. He looked up at Cas with a grin. Cas was breathing hard, trying to calm down from his orgasm. "Wow." Was all he managed to say. Cas' breath was shallow, and his tone was barely above a whisper. "Fuck, Dean." He said, as Dean straightened up, leaning to kiss him. Cas could taste himself on Dean's tongue, and he eagerly kissed him back, nibbling on Dean's bottom lip. "That was amazing." He knew that Dean was going to get better with practice, and he already seemed to know what he was doing, and Cas knew that it was his first time.
He ran his hand through his black hair. "Wow, Dean, just wow." It was all he could say.
Dean gave him a grin. "I know what I like, so I assumed you'd like the same thing." He helped Cas get the sweatpants back in place, his hand grazing it as he did so, and it caused a light to come on in Cas' blue eyes. "Put that casserole in the oven and I'll show you what else I can do with my tongue." He promised, watching his husband's face turn red with a blush. "I promise, you won't regret it." He said, winking at him.
Cas met his eyes, and he knew then that he wouldn't. He may be having some helpless issues right now, but he was fully into seeing what else Dean could do with his tongue. Cas kissed him once more. "I will never regret anything having to do with you." He told him, his tone serious. Dean Winchester would always be the best decision he ever made in his life, and he still couldn't believe that they had met by chance.
Author's note: So, I thought some sexytimes might be nice. Some safe sexytimes, that is. Dean's still not out of the woods yet. I hope that was satisfying, although I promise you when they finally do have sex, it'll be explosive. It'll be well worth the wait. I thank ya'll for hanging in if you're still with me, and hopefully a new update will be soon! Especially with Supernatural starting back up soon. Hope ya'll feel compelled to leave a review!