A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews and follows. Thanks also for those who reviewed and reminded me of why you stick around ;) I'm glad you like this. It's gone further than I originally planned but I don't think you guys mind...do you?

Chapter 10: Blank Page (Christina Aguilera)

Hey Q,

I've called you and emailed you...you don't answer my texts and that one time I called from Berry's phone you hung up.

I thought I explained things in that letter.

Is this you giving me time?

I miss you.

This sucks, I feel so fucking alone right now.

And the only person that I want is you.

Sam and Britt were in town and stopped by unannounced.

It was the most uncomfortable two days of my life and she didn't even notice.

I gave them my bed while I bunked with Porcelain and I'm pretty sure they fucked on my sheets.

Gross right?

I'm telling you all this because I'm pretty sure that was it for me.

She will never be more than my friend and I'm cool with that.

I told her about us just as she was leaving and I felt no guilt...just pride because I was yours...I am yours.

Your lover, your friend and maybe more.

And you are mine!

I've gone over and over in my head what I did wrong when it came to you and me.

I have so many regrets but I won't walk away.

You have become my home.

I'm sitting here on this train back to Lima, wishing that I was on my way to you.

I'm so sorry for hurting you!

Can we please go back?

Or start over.

Please write me back.

I need you.

More than sex...more than friendship...I fucking need you!

Tell me what I need to do...I'll do anything to fix this.

I want to be with you too...I love you.

Tabula Rasa, my love?

Santana

I didn't care that the page was tear-stained.

All I cared about as I climbed off that train back in Lima was that she felt my words.

I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of the song blasting in my ears.

Blank page.

I was aching inside but it was doing something to me and I was grateful.

My pain was making me into someone better.

Britt would always be my first love...nothing and no one could change that.

I wasn't sure she was my last love though.

She was fickle in love like Sam and I loved hard in love like Quinn.

Maybe the universe got it right.

I wasn't sure...all I did know was that I couldn't pass up this opportunity to find love.

Quinn fits me on so many levels and I would be stupid to ignore that.

Loving her scares the shit out of me but I'm game.

I think that I always will be.

The ball would be in her court now.

I just hope she responds.

Sealed with a kiss.

Being back in Lima without feeling the need to call Britt was a blessing.

I didn't want to come back to Lima but it was Mami's 50th birthday and I couldn't miss that.

I was all smiles and sunshine but a mother knows.

She knew that my heart was aching.

And without even having to tell her, she knew that it wasn't about B.

She hugged me tight and told me that true love even new love, always finds its other half.

That's when I explained everything to her and she broke out in laughter.

"Mi'ja, if the love that you and Quinn have for each other is strong enough, then your apology will be good enough. The first one was out of guilt but this one was out of love. She will see that. She's a smart girl just like you. So just trust in your love for her and take it easy...life isn't just about sex. Just because it feels good doesn't mean that it's love. She may have been second guessing everything because you made her feel good. Now that she has had time...if this is love, she'll know."

"Thank you, Mami."

I spent six days in Lima, I even sat in on a glee practice and was happy to note that I was able to just give Britt a quick hug and not feel more than friendship.

Maybe Mami was right.

When I climbed back on that train six days after sending that letter though, I was back to doubting.

She hadn't called or texted.

I wanted to believe her more than anything...but I still had my trepidation.

What if's were zooming around my head at warp speed.

But a mother knows.

I should have known too because my mother is rarely wrong about things.

And this was just going to be another feather in her cap.

She knew Quinn just as long as I had and so she knew what would happen.

As I made my way off the train and made my way out of Penn Station there she stood with tears in her eyes holding up a single blank sheet of paper.

Tabula Rasa.

A/N: More to come lovers ;)