By the time Grimmjow woke up the next morning, it was nearly lunch time.

Fuck... Grimmjow thought moodily as the sunlight that seeped through the gap between the curtains pricked at his eyes, I gotta stop waking up so damned late...

He rubbed the sleep away from his eyes, pulling himself out from slumber reluctantly. Upon scanning his surroundings, he found that everything was pretty much the way it was before he fell asleep. Even the box that he had meant to give to Kiorra last night still sat on the coffee table, untouched. Damn. He sat up on the couch. Did that woman even come back- He stopped, feeling something slide off of him as he sat up.

He looked down.

A blanket...?

Grimmjow gripped the beige blanket, a small smile descending upon his lips.

Kiorra...

But when he got up to look for her, she was nowhere to be found. Kiorra had already left their hotel room.

Ichigo Kurosaki had been unable to sit still since last night. During dinner, he kept fidgeting on his seat, causing his father to get distressed - but then again, that man gets distressed easily. When it was time to sleep, he kept tossing and turning in his bed. And when morning came, he was still wide-awake; he did not get a wink of sleep the night before. Rukia, who had lived with and known him long enough knew that something was plaguing his mind. As a friend, she was concerned, but when he did not answer any of her questions, she let him be. She knew that he would talk to her when he was ready. It was only if his behaviour were to persist that she would kick him into talking.

Renji, on the other hand, did not notice the change in Ichigo. The red-haired shinigami was so miserable that he probably would not notice if a meteor hit the house across the street. He honestly could not understand why his sweet, sweet princess was so angry with him.

"Ichigo... Why do you think princess hates me...?" Renji whined. "Is it because our hair colours clash or something...?"

Ichigo's right eye actually twitched. He shuddered. "For fuck's sake, will you not call that guy a 'princess' of all things?" he said, wrinkling his nose, "It's creepy."

"No, it isn't! It's cute!"

"..."

"What?"

"... Let me rephrase that sentence; you're creepy."

What Renji said in rebuttal, though, Ichigo did not know, because he leaned back against the couch and tuned the man out.

Ichigo fingered his Substitute Shinigami badge that he kept in his pocket, tracing its surface with his finger as he thought. Was he doing the right thing...? He knew that he liked, heck, maybe even, dare he say it, loved, Kiorra Cifer that he was willing to do this for her. He just did not want to lie to her. Not anymore. He hated lying to her.

But still... He did not want her to get involved with this kind of life either. But again, he did not want to lie to her.

He had been having this debate with himself for quite some time now. These two arguments would be tossed to and fro in his head for hours, only to not reach a conclusion in the end. But finally, finally, yesterday, he came to a decision. And with that decision, he started to second-guess himself, and once again, the argument started up in his mind. Was this the right thing to do? Or was it wrong? Maybe he should just back out?

If he was really going to go through with this, he had yet another problem to worry about. There was a fifty percent chance that Kiorra would not be able to see him, so maybe he should not worry so much...

However, if she were to see him, and freaked out, what was he going to-

Knock, knock, knock.

Oh, fuuu-

Ichigo stood up and went to answer the door, a feeling of dread at the pit of his stomach. That feeling of dread only increased when he opened the door and saw Kiorra standing at the doorstep, having promised that she would meet him today.

"Ichigo..." she said, that pleasant smile on her face present, "Hey..."

"H-Hey," Ichigo greeted her back once he finally found his voice. And before he could start second guessing himself again, he lightly grasped her hand and tugged it, leading her inside the house. "Come on in... There is something that I want to talk to you about."

When Ulquiorra switched on and checked his cell phone that morning, he found that he had gotten about a dozen of missed calls from Grimmjow. Seeing the number of missed calls made him stare at the screen for a couple of seconds in disbelief. Weren't he and Grimmjow not on speaking terms right now? Something important must have come up for the man to want to talk to Ulquiorra.

But even then, he did not wake the Sexta Espada up from his sleep when he was about to go out to meet Kurosaki Ichigo. Grimmjow just looked so tired that he did not have the heart to wake him up. That, and because he did not want to talk to Grimmjow. For all he knew, Grimmjow could have made those calls so that he could argue with Ulquiorra some more.

However, Grimmjow was not the only one who had tried reaching Ulquiorra the night before.

Amongst all the missed calls that Ulquiorra had received, he saw that Szayel Aporro Granz had tried contacting him as well.

Curious as to what the pink-haired genius had to say – though he already had a feeling that he knew what the call was about – Ulquiorra returned his call while Ichigo was in the kitchen.

Even though he knew that Szayel probably wanted to talk to him about the progress he was making on the cure, what Szayel told Ulquiorra left him speechless. Even now, as Kurosaki held his hands, and talked about his feelings for Ulquiorra and other things that Ulquiorra could not find in himself to give a damn about – I'm sorry, Kurosaki, but I really don't care for your love, even if I act like it – he did not respond. Ulquiorra was subdued throughout the whole thing, and when Kurosaki pressed his lips against his, Ulquiorra did nothing. Kurosaki's lips were warm, compared to Ulquiorra's cold ones, but they did nothing for him. They did not make him feel.

"I'll see you later in the afternoon. Is that alright, Ulquiorra?" Szayel said over the phone, "Have you gotten everything done?"

"No, not yet," Ulquiorra responded, "But I'll tell you when it'll be alright for you to come over."

"You'd better."

The day had finally come, hm?

Ulquiorra knew that this would happen, and yet, he could not quite believe it. He should not be surprised, really. This was Szayel that he was talking about. He may be crazy, but he was still a genius.

"Kiorra..." Ichigo loosened his grip on Ulquiorra's hands, a sombre expression taking over his features. "There is something that I need to show you."

Ulquiorra merely nodded in response. He did not say anything when Ichigo Kurosaki took out his Substitute Shinigami badge. Did not say anything when the boy pushed his own soul out of his body. Did not say anything as reiatsu filled the room. Did not say anything when the orange-haired teen stood before him, clad in his black shinigami uniform. With the boy in this state, Ulquiorra quickly and silently analysed his reiatsu.

"Make sure you'll be there! I don't want to wait for you or make the same trip twice!"

This was it.

He was finally able to do what he had set out to do when Aizen sent him on this mission.

I am definitely going to be there. Don't you fret, Szayel.

Aizen Sousuke was bored. Very, very bored. As much as he loved to sit on his throne sipping tea the entire day, it has lost its appeal. There was simply nothing interesting that he could do or see here in Las Noches. Here in this building, it was nothing but endless white with nothing remotely attractive to add to it. The most interesting thing that could be done was to play around with those pills that had turned Ulquiorra into a female. What was not fun - disturbing, for some, but definitely fun for Aizen - about seeing a couple of men sprout a pair of funbags?

That, however, was a bust.

Not only did Ichimaru refuse to consume those pills, but when everyone had gotten wind of the fact that Aizen wanted to turn some people into females, all of the male arrancars in Las Noches had made it a point to avoid the brown-haired shinigami.

Heck, it seemed that even Tousen was avoiding him; the man had taken to locking the surveillance room and would always excuse himself should he sense Aizen coming. Why it was such a problem, Aizen did not know. It was not like Tousen could even see his breasts if Aizen were to turn him into a woman. Seriously. Nor would he be able to see his penis magically disappear. That man was making a big deal out of nothing.

Only the female population did not mind being in Aizen's presence. Not that Aizen minded, really.

Of course, Aizen could have just ordered any of the male residents to consume the pill, but it just was not that fun if they were not willing.

Oh, if only Ulquiorra was here...

Harribel's breasts were far too big, but Ulquiorra's were just nice... Still big, but smaller than hers. Hmm...

Beside him walked Ichimaru Gin. After taking just one look on Aizen's face, he could immediately tell what that man was thinking. He rolled his eyes.

"Figures..."

As they neared the entrance to Szayel's laboratory, Aizen shrugged, figuring that since he had nothing else to do, he might as well check up on the scientist's progress on creating a cure for Ulquiorra. With that thought in mind, he opened the door to the laboratory. Expecting to see the usual scene of Szayel looking extremely frustrated as he tore the papers that he had written on, Aizen was surprised to see that Szayel actually had a cheery grin on his face.

"Oh, hello, Aizen-sama!" Szayel greeted him just as he ended his call with Ulquiorra.

Aizen blinked.

"Hel... lo..." he greeted back, "... May I ask why you're so happy, Szayel?"

As if on cue, Ichimaru Gin appeared by Aizen's shoulder. "Yes, Szay-chan, do tell~"

Szayel smiled, not minding the nickname at all. He brought up the bottle of pills that he was holding so that both Aizen and Ichimaru could see it plainly. The pills were a light blue in colour and the bottle glinted under the lights of the laboratory.

"This," Szayel said triumphantly, "Is why I am happy."

"Eh?" Ichimaru took the bottle from Szayel's hand, examined it, and then shook it, making the pills collide with each other, as though expecting them to do something. Glow, explode, anything. When they did not, Ichimaru blinked, looking almost disappointed. "What are these supposed to do?"

"Change Ulquiorra back into his normal form," Szayel said proudly.

Ichimaru looked at the pills in the bottle for a long while before saying, "It really doesn't take much to make you happy now, does it?"

Szayel snatched the bottle from Ichimaru's hand, miffed. "Give me that!"

"Oh, I didn't know that you're so sensitive, Szay-chan~" Ichimaru said teasingly.

"Shut up," he sniffed, annoyed that his achievement was not getting the acknowledgement that it deserved. He had been working on this cure for a long time now! Did Ichimaru think that doing this sort of thing is easy? Szayel pocketed the bottle. "I need to go in awhile. I have to go to the Real World."

"For...?" Ichimaru asked.

"To meet Ulquiorra, of course. Since he has already completed his mission, he wants to change back into a male," Szayel answered smoothly, missing the look of disappointment on Aizen's face.

By the time Szayel Aporro Grantz left, the depressed aura that filled Las Noches was so suffocating that arrancars could not help but ask Ichimaru what was wrong whenever they happened to see Aizen. They had never seen their leader look so down before. Aizen has always been a strong, charismatic leader so to see him like this was abnormal. When they offered him tea, he actually refused to drink it, much to their surprise. If Aizen does not want to drink tea, then there must be something wrong.

"Ah, him?" Ichimaru would shrug and say dismissively to each and every one of them, "He's just depressed because Kiorra-chan will be leaving soon."

Szayel looked around as he stepped out of the Garganta. His hand was in his pocket, keeping a firm hold on the bottle. He would dare say that Ulquiorra would most certainly have his head if he were to lose it now. Even though he did not really show it, the Cuarta Espada must be desperate to turn into a male again. It must not be very pleasant to be in such an inconvenient body for... How long had it been again since Ulquiorra turned into a female?

He had lost count.

And then there was the entire matter between Ulquiorra and Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez... He was willing to bet his entire life's research that Ulquiorra and Grimmjow did not even confront each other even though they have been living together for quite some time now. Szayel shook his head. Those two really are hopeless when it comes to confronting their emotions.

Szayel sighed, choosing to sit on the bench while he waited for Ulquiorra. He was still quite early. Ulquiorra would come along in awhile, he was sure of it.

To pass the time, Szayel watched the humans that were at the park go about their daily lives. Some of the younger ones were playing at the playground, some of the older ones were out for a walk, some of them were just like him, sitting on benches. Hmm... Szayel thought idly when he saw a few children playing on the swings. He wondered if Aizen-sama would mind if he were to take some of these people as test subjects...

In the hotel room, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez had just finished taking a shower. He stepped out of the bathroom with his hair dripping wet, and a towel wrapped around his waist. Today, he did not even go out of the hotel room, choosing to remain inside. He did not want to be out when Kiorra returned. That, and because he did not want to deal with Abarai Renji should Grimmjow ever have the misfortune to bump into him again. Honestly... That man... Grimmjow shuddered. If he did not smack the snot out of that guy... who knew what would have happened? Last night was too close for his liking. Too fucking close.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, sighing.

On the bedside table, was the gift box for Kiorra. Since he had missed her last night, he was going to have to wait for her to return again.

Hopefully, Kiorra would not blow up in his face, and that they would not have another blazing row. But since Kiorra actually covered him with a blanket while he was asleep, she must not be that angry anymore.

Kiorra... Grimmjow picked up the box, rubbing one of the edges with his thumb. Heh. Even after that long debate with himself last night, hell if he knew what he really felt about that woman.

His dreams, all that bullshit about soul mates, his feelings and all of that jazz...

This was all so fucked up. So so fucked up.

All of these things... They got him thinking. It is possible for a person to have feelings for two people at once, right? But, is it possible for a person to love two people at the same time? And not just the type of love that you have for your family and friends, but the type of love that you would have towards a lover. Is that possible? Or was he just confused? Torn between what his dreams and what his feelings were telling him?

At the beginning, it was all so simple.

There was only one person that he dreamed about. Only one person that he had feelings for. Only one person he might love.

Now, there were two people he dreamed about. Two people that he had feelings for. Two people that he might love.

That is not right, right?

Things are not supposed to be that way.

... Right?

Now, let's just say that Grimmjow was in love with both Ulquiorra and Kiorra.

This is just an example, alright? It has absolutely nothing to do with Grimmjow's true feelings. It is just that it is so much easier to say "He loves them" than to say "He has feelings for them" over and over again.

Just an example.

Okay?

Okay.

So here we go.

So, Grimmjow loved Ulquiorra and Kiorra, and he wanted to confess his feelings. He wanted to tell Ulquiorra that he loved him. But, he also wanted to tell Kiorra that he loved her. But if he were to tell either one of them, he would lose the other, which he did not want to happen. And if he confessed to both... He highly doubted that Ulquiorra and Kiorra would appreciate that. He would lose both of them. Not only that, those two might personally make it a point to make his life miserable. Or to kill him.

But that is beside the point.

The point is, did he love them, or was it just his mind playing tricks on him? Was he just confused?

So.

Ulquiorra.

Or Kiorra?

Or was it both?

"Damn it..." Grimmjow groaned, rubbing his temple.

He did it again. He was making himself feel confused all over again. Something so easy to do if he were to think about Ulquiorra and Kiorra.

Well, whatever it is that he felt, he was going to have a talk with Kiorra anyway. He could always figure out his feelings later.

... Right?

But what if... Oh, fuck. He was doing it again. Again with the Ulquiorra and Kiorra argument.

You know what?

Call him an asshole, but... He might just love them both. And it was this crap that was twisting inside of him, making him feel like a lowlife-scumbag. He just could not understand why he was feeling this way. Nor could he accept it. Things were not supposed to be this way, yet, they were.

But now, that did not matter. He would sort out the bullshit with his fucked up feelings later.

Now, he needed to make things right with Kiorra.

Each step that Ulquiorra took towards the place that he had agreed to meet Szayel at grew heavier as he neared it.

The wind caressed his skin, the sound of each step he took resounded in his ears, the fact that he was no longer going to have to live in this body... He thought of none of these. He should be happy. He was not going to have to be a woman any longer. This was what he had been waiting for ever since he woke up that one confounded morning. And yet... He could not bring himself to feel even an ounce of happiness. Not one bit.

Instead of feeling happy for himself, he was thinking about what he was leaving behind.

By returning back to his normal self, he was not only leaving behind his identity as Kiorra Cifer, but he was also leaving behind what he had built with Grimmjow.

All of those memories, those times spent together with the Sexta, those smiles shared, those arguments... it was all with a person known as Kiorra to Grimmjow. All of them. Though they were going through what could be called a "rough patch" right now, they had formed a bond. And Ulquiorra knew that they would be able to work it out somehow. But by returning to "Ulquiorra Cifer", he would be going back to square one. A situation where he and Grimmjow did not have a very good relationship, where they hated each other, where Grimmjow thought nothing of him. Where they considered each other as enemies.

This was what he was returning to if he became Ulquiorra Cifer again, and left Kiorra behind.

He knew that he could not continue living as Kiorra, as someone he was not, but at the same time...

Why is everything so complicated?

An inaudible sigh escaped Ulquiorra's lips as Szayel Aporro Granz appeared in his view.

Upon seeing the Cuarta Espada, Szayel immediately got up from the bench that he was sitting on. The scientist was clad in his usual, tight-fitting Espada uniform.

"Ulquiorra..." Szayel greeted once Ulquiorra was near, "You're here. Right on time, as usual."

"Of course," Ulquiorra responded.

"I assume that you are looking forward to losing that troublesome female body in favour for your old one~?" Szayel said with a sly smile. Without even waiting for a reply, Szayel reached into his pocket and pulled out the bottle of pills. "Here you go~!" he exclaimed as he brandished the bottle to Ulquiorra proudly. "Just take these and you'll turn back to normal!"

Szayel. An all too smug look adorned the scientist's face.

This was the man that was the cause of all his trouble, and to a certain extent, happiness?

He was the reason why Ulquiorra was the way he was right now. Without him, Ulquiorra would have already confronted Grimmjow and he would not have to deal with such a form. He should be happy that Szayel had created a cure. He really should. The Octava had done week upon weeks of research and work just to create this cure for him, and he could not even muster up a smile. Even though it was Szayel's fault to begin with, but...

Ulquiorra watched listlessly as Szayel took two of the blue pills out of the bottle. He was talking but Ulquiorra did not hear a word. He just looked at the innocent-looking pills that lay on the palm of Szayel's hand. However, from the tone in Szayel's voice, he could tell that the man was extremely proud of his achievement.

So he had to take two of these in order to return to normal, huh...?

When Ulquiorra did not make any response even though Szayel had been talking for a full five minutes about how he created the cure, the scientist threw a dirty look at the Cuarta and would have well made a scathing remark if not for the melancholic look on Ulquiorra's face. Szayel blinked, surprised. He had expected a much different reaction from Ulquiorra. He did not expect a grin from the stoic Espada, but at the very least, a small smile. Not this.

"Hey..." Szayel said slowly, "What's wrong...?"

"Hm?" Ulquiorra slowly lifted his gaze from the blue pills to look into amber eyes. He kept silent.

Szayel tried again. "Did something happen...?"

"... No," Ulquiorra lied, "Nothing happened."

"But..."

"There is nothing wrong," his superior said more firmly and with so much finality that Szayel did not dare to ask further.

"Alright then..." Szayel hesitated. Hell if he knew what was going on with Ulquiorra, but he had a feeling that it involved Grimmjow. Perhaps Ulquiorra and Grimmjow had gotten into yet another argument? "Since you seem to have a lot on your mind right now, are you sure you want to take these pills now? You can always take them some other time, you know..."

"Szayel. I have made up my mind," Ulquiorra said calmly. He took the pills from Szayel's hand. "I'm taking these, and I'm turning back to normal."

Well, Kiorra?

I'm waiting for you.

DIOR: To everyone that reviewed the previous chapters, thank you! I can't believe that I forgot my own story. I had to reread this fic in order to write it again OTL. Which is why it took me so long to update it after I started my break a few weeks ago. So sorry, everyone. I hope I'll be able to finish this fic before my next semester starts, or this fic will be well over two years old by the time I do :( *doesn't write when university is in session* I hope this chapter is alright. Since it has been so long since I've written this, I was as confused as Grimmjow when I wrote it. The fact that his feelings are very difficult to portray since they're so complicated didn't help either. X_X Reviews are appreciated.